AN: I will apologize in advance for the fact that this chapter is mostly just a filler to set up for the next two chapters, but I feel like the set-up is necessary because the story doesn't flow as well without it. I hope that you all enjoy it anyway! Thanks for continuing to read!
When Clarke had finally finished her homework the next day, she went across the hall to Octavia and Raven's room, hoping to spend some time with her friends since Lexa was still working on her own homework. However, she found the room empty, and so she wandered downstairs, finding the two girls that she was searching for on the couch in the living room, playing some game on the house's Xbox with Emori and Anya.
"Hey, Clarke, we're playing Halo. Want to join?" Raven asked.
"No, thanks," Clarke responded. "I'll just watch."
While the house provided the Xbox for the residents to play on, the students had to provide their own games. Emori had an extensive collection of Xbox games; she had shown Clarke one time. However, it seemed that she and Anya were really into Halo this semester because that was the only game that Clarke had seen them play, and she wondered if it had been their most recent purchase. Clarke herself had yet to play it, and she didn't think that she ever would. She was not a big fan of video games. They all looked the same to her, and she always found that she would much rather watch others play than actually attempt to play herself.
Her housemates kept up small talk with her, but she could tell that their focus was mainly on the game, and Clarke was starting to get a little bored when Lexa came downstairs and plopped down beside her in the chair that she was sitting on. The blonde was a little surprised, but she couldn't say that she minded the close contact that the chair forced them into, and she easily looped an arm around Lexa, kissing her cheek lovingly. The others talked to Lexa for a moment, and then they left the brunette and her girlfriend alone, where the two of them promptly began sneaking kisses in while the others weren't watching.
After a few hours of being downstairs, Clarke was surprised that her housemates were still as into the game as they had been when she had first joined them. It seemed that Mr. Kane's rule about no Xbox during the school week only made the students long for the weekends when they could play it.
Clarke smiled when she felt Lexa's arms wrap around her neck and the brunette's head come to rest against her shoulder, and her grin only grew when she realized that Lexa had fallen asleep. Clarke brought her hand up to play with a lock of brown hair, completely losing herself as she was entranced by the girl in her arms.
"Clarke, did you hear anything that I just said?" Octavia asked, snapping the blonde back to attention, and Clarke could not tell how much time had passed between the moment when Lexa had first fallen asleep and now.
The tips of her ears turned pink. "No."
"Are you kidding? She couldn't possibly pay attention to you when she has her sleeping angel in her arms," Raven teased.
"Shut up, Rae. I was just surprised that she had fallen asleep, that's all. I guess she's a little tired because we were studying this morning."
"Studying each other?" Emori asked, without looking away from the screen.
Clarke scowled. "Studying for a test."
Anya looked at Clarke with a slightly concerned gaze. "Is she feeling better? I heard that she had a hard time yesterday."
"She totally did," Raven jumped in. "She freaked out because she had a flashback or something, and then she started yelling at us when we were only trying to help."
Clarke sighed at her friend's bluntness, wondering how it was that Raven seemed to be so oblivious all of the time. Before Anya could respond, Clarke quickly jumped to her roommate's defense. "Only because we acted like idiots. We swarmed her for what seemed like no reason to her because she didn't need our help. We kept asking her if she was okay or if she needed to sit down, and it was only making her more and more frustrated. If you guys remember correctly, she asked us not to treat her any differently when we first found out about her past, and we didn't listen."
"But she had a flashback, Clarke," Raven argued. "What if she had gone into a panic attack right there?"
Clarke was glad that Raven was showing concern for Lexa, but she knew that she needed to help her friends understand what Lexa wanted, just like her roommate had done for her. "I was afraid of the same thing, Raven, but she told me yesterday night that she only ever has panic attacks after her nightmares. She also told me not to worry about her flashbacks because she is used to them, so we don't have to plan our events around what could or could not trigger them. I know it's hard to understand because we haven't been in her shoes, but we need to respect her wishes, nonetheless."
"Clarke's right," Anya said. "Don't worry about Lexa. If she's having a hard time handling something or needs a time out, she will tell you. There's nothing she hates more than you guys treating her like she's some fragile thing that might die or something without your help."
Clarke nodded at Anya, realizing again how knowledgeable the older girl was about Lexa. Clarke supposed that this was because Anya had known about Lexa's past longer than anyone in the house, and she wondered if Anya had gone through this same thing with Lexa long ago. However, something told her that Anya never really needed to be told; the older blonde had just understood somehow, perhaps because of her relaxed demeanor. Clarke didn't think that she had ever seen Anya freak out once, and she was kind of relieved by this fact because it meant that if there was ever a crisis situation with Lexa, kind of like the nightmare had been, then Anya would most likely know exactly what to do about it, or at least, be level-headed enough to figure it out.
When Clarke looked back down at her sleeping roommate, she realized how peaceful Lexa looked in that moment, and she reveled in it, brushing a hand lovingly across Lexa's cheek. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
Clarke didn't know that she had accidentally said this out loud until she saw Raven gag. "Keep your gross lovey-dovey feelings to yourself."
Clarke blushed a little bit, but then she playfully glared at her friend, discarding the embarrassment as easily as she would a used napkin. She meant what she had said. Lexa was the most beautiful person that Clarke had ever seen, and she didn't care who knew it.
When Clarke took in the scene around her, she wished that she could capture this moment forever, or rather the way that it made her feel. It had been a long time since she had felt this carefree, and after her father's death, she thought that she would never feel this way again. She would always miss her father, but these new friends that she had gotten from attending this school were worth the world to her. She was closer to them than she had ever been with any of her old friends from back home, and Clarke had never thought that she might get such joy from simply sitting in a room with these people that she had come to care so much about. And of course, there was the girl who was currently sleeping in her arms. This girl had shown Clarke what it was like to truly live again and had given her feelings of love that she had never experienced before. Clarke reveled in the feeling of Lexa's warmth against her, and she wished that she could hold the other girl like this for the rest of her life, thinking that this moment couldn't be more perfect.
When the round of the game had finally ended, Emori jumped up from the couch with a loud shriek, waving her controller in the air and doing what Clarke could only describe as an impression of someone who was having some kind of a spastic attack. Clarke knew that it was supposed to be a happy dance, and the blonde could tell without even looking at the scores that Emori had won the game. The other girl began shouting that she won, and Clarke hissed at her to be quiet, but it was too late. Lexa was already stirring awake in her arms.
Green eyes fluttered open and looked around in a slightly disoriented manner. "What's going on?"
"I won the game," Emori said sheepishly. "Sorry for waking you up, Lexa. I forgot you were sleeping."
Lexa didn't even seem to be bothered by the fact that she had been rudely awakened. She simply nodded at her friend in acceptance of the apology and then collapsed against Clarke again, her eyes falling closed. Clarke had to resist the urge to laugh.
"Lexa, you're like a zombie this afternoon. What's got you so tired?" Anya asked.
"Clarke and I had lots of amazing sex last night, and then she decided to wake me up early so that we could study for the pre-calculus test that we have tomorrow," Lexa mumbled groggily, not even bothering to open her eyes.
"Lots of sex, huh?" Raven asked with a very amused twinkle in her eyes. "Do tell us more."
"Clarke was being really rough, and—"
"Lexa, stop it." The blonde quickly cut her girlfriend off before she could give any more details about how rough Clarke had been last night. She was already ready to die of embarrassment at the smirks that were now adorning the faces of the other girls in the room, and she thanked whoever might be listening when Indra walked in before they could say anything.
"Dinner should be ready soon," she announced. "Does anyone have any requests for dessert?"
"Banana pudding," Raven suggested.
"Pudding sounds great," Octavia said.
"I second that. What are we having for dinner?" Emori asked.
"I'm making pot roast," Indra announced. "I'll get started on the pudding while you eat."
Lexa finally raised her head from Clarke's chest at the mention of what they would be having for dinner. "Pot roast? That's my favorite."
Indra looked slightly surprised at this information. "I thought that lasagna was your favorite."
Lexa seemed to think it over for a second. "I can't have two favorites?"
"By the very definition of the word, you can only have one," Clarke teased, tapping Lexa on the nose.
"Whatever." Lexa rolled her eyes, but Clarke still caught the tiny grin that broke through.
"It's in the oven now," Indra informed them. "I'm thinking around ten more minutes."
"Great!" Raven smiled, clearly hungry.
"I'm going to go check on the vegetables," Indra excused herself from the room.
Almost immediately after she left, Kane was taking her place. "I'm really glad you're all here, girls. I just wanted to remind you that Family Visiting Day is this Saturday, for anyone who may have forgotten. I have already mailed out invitations to all of your families, but as I haven't heard back from anyone yet, it would be very helpful if you could call them on the phone to see if they are able to make it. I need everyone to RSVP by Wednesday."
"I was one of those people who forgot about Family Visiting Day," Raven admitted. "I'll talk to my mom tonight, but she is normally able to make it."
"Wow, Rae," Emori chided, not looking surprised in the slightest that the other girl had forgotten. "Anya and I have already talked to our parents about it, and they're both able to come."
"Family Visiting Day?" Clarke asked, having never even heard of it in the first place. "I didn't even know that was a thing."
"It's just a little event that occurs every year after the Fall Carnival so that the parents are able to spend some time with their kids. Don't worry about it, though. Your mom has already been informed," Mr. Kane assured her.
Clarke looked blankly at him, still hung up on the word carnival. "There's a carnival?"
Mr. Kane nodded in answer. "This Friday."
Lexa looked at Clarke guiltily. "I guess I forgot to mention those things. I suppose it's kind of my job as your roommate, but I kind of forget sometimes that you haven't been going to school here just as long as the rest of us. But, hey, at least you'll actually get to go to a real carnival for what, I am shocked to even think, will be your first time ever."
"It's fine, Lexa. I'll be looking forward to it."
"As for Family Visiting Day," Mr. Kane said, "please inform your families to either contact me directly or have you RSVP for them by Wednesday. I truly do hope that everyone is able to make it."
Mr. Kane smiled warmly at his residents before heading back out into the hallway, presumably on his way to talk to the boys. Clarke smiled widely as the conversation in the room turned to Family Visiting Day, and she knew that she had been wrong earlier when she had thought that this day could not be any more perfect. Clarke was so excited to hear that she would be seeing her mother this weekend, and she wanted nothing more than to run upstairs and call Abby right now so that she could confirm that her mother would be able to attend. However, the blonde refrained from doing this because she knew that dinner would be ready soon, and so she decided to wait until afterwards.
When she turned her attention back to Lexa, she found her girlfriend worrying her lip, and she wondered if the other girl was upset by the fact that she did not have parents who would come and visit her. Clarke wanted to ask if Luna and her parents ever came to visit, but she refrained from asking such a personal question in front of everyone, adding it to her growing list of things to do after dinner.
"Hey, Mom," Clarke said into her cell phone, now that she finally had time to herself. Well, Lexa was in the room, but she was doing something on her computer, and she was honestly being so quiet that Clarke would not even know that she was there, if she could not see her.
"Hello, Clarke. It's wonderful to hear from you," Abby said, and Clarke could practically hear her smile through the phone. "How have you been doing?"
The blonde felt a little guilty when she thought of how long it had been since she had last spoken to her mother. She had been so busy with school and with Lexa that she had forgotten to make time. She couldn't deny that she had missed the sound of her mother's voice though, and Clarke found herself smiling, too, when she responded.
"Great. School is going quite well. I'm keeping my grades above C's."
"It's good to hear that," Abby said with a chuckle.
"I just heard from the head of my house that my school is having a Family Visiting Day this weekend. Did you get the invitation?" Clarke asked.
"I just got it the other day, and of course, I will be coming. I could never miss a chance to spend time with you."
Clarke sighed in relief when her mother confirmed that she would be able to come. Clarke knew that Abby wouldn't miss such a day for the world, if she could help it, but that didn't stop Clarke from worrying that her mom might have some prior engagement that day that she absolutely could not get out of. She was overjoyed that that was not the case and that she would, in fact, get to see her mother this weekend.
"It's been a while since we last talked," Abby stated. "Why don't you tell me about your house? Are you still liking it there?"
"I love it," Clarke said happily. "Everyone is friendly, and I've honestly become pretty close with all of them. I mean, it's hard not to when we all eat our meals together. Plus, our head of house is really nice, and our house mother is the best cook in the world."
"Even better than me?" Abby said with mock hurt.
"Sorry, Mom," Clarke said, "but it's true. I'm honestly so glad that I got put in Arkadia."
"I am, too, honey. It's nice to hear you sounding so happy again," Abby said. "How are things with your roommate? I assume that the two of you are still getting along well?"
Better than you think, Clarke thought. She was going to tell Abby about her relationship with Lexa eventually, of course, because she hated keeping things from her mother. She just felt like that conversation was too important to have over the phone. She would much rather tell her mother about it when she saw her on Saturday.
"We get along perfectly. She's probably my favorite person here." Clarke hoped that she was not being too obvious or that her love for said roommate could not be heard in the tone of her voice. She could tell though, by the way that Lexa visibly cringed, that she had sounded just as lovesick as she had feared. She could also tell that Lexa was listening to the conversation, which she had promised not to do, but Clarke let it slide, knowing that it would be hard not to listen when that was the only sound in the room.
"I'm really looking forward to meeting everyone, then," Abby said.
Clarke only realized that her shoulders had tensed once they were slumping in relief. Abby hadn't heard anything out of the ordinary in Clarke's tone. Or if she had, she had chosen not to say anything about it, for which Clarke was extremely grateful.
Clarke continued to talk to her mother for about another hour, the two of them catching up on what they had been missing in each other's lives. Clarke would have gladly talked to her mother all night, but at that moment, someone decided to close her laptop and saunter over to Clarke with a mischievous smirk, which immediately told the blonde that she was up to no good.
Lexa began to place light kisses against Clarke's neck. Light kisses which turned more and more heated by the second. Clarke had to bite her lip hard so that her mother would not hear the moans that were trying to escape from her mouth. She instantly told Abby that she had to go study for the test that she had tomorrow, even though she had already done that, in the hopes that she would get her mother off the phone before Lexa decided to finger her. She knew that she would not be able to keep her moans in if that happened. She was barely holding them back as it was.
When Abby finally hung up the phone, Clarke pushed Lexa roughly away, having no qualms about being careful with the brunette now.
"I can't believe you did that," Clarke growled, but her slight anger started to fade when Lexa laughed from where she had fallen back onto the bed.
"I got bored without you," Lexa said with a coy pout, and Clarke rolled her eyes.
Clarke could already feel herself caving at the look on Lexa's face. She knew that she should reprimand her girlfriend more for interrupting her while she was on the phone, but the way that the brunette's plump bottom lip stuck out in a pout left Clarke wanting nothing more than to bite it, so bite it she did. Clarke was already in a high mood from having talked to her mother, and now she reveled in the taste of Lexa's sweet lips against hers.
After a few minutes of allowing herself to kiss Lexa senselessly, she finally started to wonder if Lexa's sudden desire to jump her bones stemmed from the fact that the brunette wanted to drown the sorrow that she felt about not having her own parents love her enough to come visit her on Family Visiting Day. Now that Clarke thought about it, there was something strange about Lexa's current behavior because she knew that Lexa never initiated sex for no reason. That was normally Clarke. The only time Lexa would initiate sex was if Clarke was doing something that she found alluring, and Clarke knew that she had not done anything even remotely sexy while she had been on the phone with her mom. Something was bothering Lexa, and Clarke knew that the only thing that would help the brunette right now would be to talk about it. The blonde pulled away, and she was surprised when Lexa's lips chased hers in an almost desperate manner. Clarke placed her hands firmly on Lexa's shoulders, pushing her girlfriend away so that she could look her in the eyes.
"What's wrong?" Lexa finally asked, and Clarke thought that she could detect a hint of reluctance in her roommate's tone, as if discussing this topic that was sure to follow was the last thing that she wanted to do.
"Nothing's wrong with me," Clarke said, "but I know that something's bothering you. Is it because your parents aren't coming to Family Visiting Day?"
Lexa looked at Clarke as if the blonde had just asked if Lexa was upset because she had won a contest. "It is a good thing that my parents do not come to Family Visiting Day, Clarke," Lexa said slowly. "I do not wish to see them ever again."
Clarke knew that her girlfriend was not lying, but she could still see the hurt that was displayed in green eyes, and she knew that, on some level, Lexa wanted her to see it. The brunette was an expert at hiding her emotions, from what Clarke had seen, and she knew that Lexa could easily brush off her concerns, if this were a topic that she truly did not wish to discuss. Clarke knew that Lexa wasn't exactly upset that her parents weren't coming, but rather that she did not have nice, loving parents that would even want to come see her in the first place. The talk of the dinner table had been Family Visiting Day, and Clarke now felt a little bad that she had been swept up into the excitement that she shared with the other residents when every word out of their mouths had clearly been upsetting Lexa.
"Do Luna and her parents ever come to see you?" Clarke asked.
The only answer that she received from Lexa was a shake of the head. It seemed that Lexa wasn't even trying to hide her feelings anymore as she looked at Clarke with forlorn green eyes. The blonde liked the fact that Lexa had clearly understood Clarke's advice about not pretending around her, but she couldn't help the fact that her heart was breaking for Lexa. Again. She suddenly felt a surge of anger for these people who she had always thought of in a neutral light up until now.
"Why the hell not?" Clarke asked, blue eyes smoldering. "I mean, you lived with them for seven years. They practically raised you."
Lexa just shrugged, averting her eyes. "I asked them not to."
Clarke's anger at these people faded as quickly as it had come, replaced with a sort of sorrowful curiosity. Her immediate response was to say that she was sorry, but she knew that Lexa would hate that. She didn't want to seem like she was pitying the brunette, so she refrained from apologizing or reaching out to cup her roommate's cheeks or any of the other things that wanted to do in that moment. Instead, she focused on Lexa with a curious gaze and asked the one question that she was dying to know the answer to. "Why?"
Lexa sighed. "I didn't want to burden them any further than I already have. I lived with them for seven years. I spend winter break and summer with them. I mean, they are even paying for me to go to school here. I didn't want to make them waste their weekend and drive all the way up here just to spend time with me. Besides, I hate the way they look at me. It's like I'm only some charity project to them, like they only do all of this stuff because they feel bad for me."
Clarke wanted to argue with Lexa further. She wanted to tell the brunette that she was sure Luna and her family would be happy to come up and spend a day with Lexa because they truly did care about her. If they didn't, they wouldn't keep doing all of these nice things for her; they would have sent her to an orphanage long ago. Clarke wished that there was some way that she could get Lexa to understand this, but her roommate was looking so empty at the moment that she knew that her argument would most likely fall upon deaf ears. If Lexa had been holding onto this warped perspective since childhood, Clarke knew that it would be hard to get her to listen to reason, and she could tell that Luna's family visiting would probably do more harm than good right now.
Since Lexa had talked about what was bothering her, to an extent, Clarke decided that it was probably time for a distraction, although she didn't think that her girlfriend looked to be in the mood for sex anymore. Luckily, though, Clarke had another idea.
"How about we just cuddle and watch a movie tonight?" Clarke suggested.
"What movie?" Lexa asked warily, but Clarke could already see that this was working to lighten the brunette's mood.
"You pick," Clarke said.
Lexa instantly perked up, looking at Clarke with hopeful green eyes. "Insidious?"
Clarke resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She should have known that her roommate would pick a horror movie. She herself did not particularly care for that genre, but she knew that her roommate needed this, and she found herself nodding. Besides, she didn't think that she would ever truly be able to deny Lexa anything.
"Fine," Clarke said. "That movie scares the living shit out of me, but I'll watch it with you."
"Don't worry, Clarke. I'll protect you from the demons," Lexa teased.
Clarke finally allowed herself to roll her eyes. "Just put the movie in before I change my mind."