Hello my lovelies, as you may now if you have read my AN I have had some troubles, but enough of that now. This is a flashback chapter which I hope you'll enjoy.

Hope writing is going good Lucy, glad to be of help in return :D

I don't own four brothers or the poem. It's called "Those who are left behind" and is written by TJB Cameron.

Time marches forward, stopping for no one
Every second that passes echoes the splinters in our hearts We put on a brave face and play this game called life

Yet no matter how much we try we do not win
Our pain and loss forever scarred upon our souls
Every moment of joy is made bittersweet by your absences

We struggle through the remainder of life
Holding onto our memories that are all we have
Determined never to forget our loved ones.

It's strange isn't it, how you are never prepared for your life to change, yet it always does. You know better than anyone how fleeting life can be,and how little a human life can be worth, and still you find yourself numb for a few seconds, your body frozen in time, like if you don't speak it's not real, if you continue to ignore the voice calling your name through the phone you can pretend just a little bit longer, just a little bit longer that this isn't happening, that this isn't real. You can pretend that everything is just as it was a few minutes ago, when you were still sitting at the table going through the papers that didn't look so good but was so much better than this knowledge that you now have.

But you can't be that person, not now, now you have to be the one that takes care of things, be the guy you grew into around those you love so much. The responsible one. You can do that, fall back on the familiarity to get you through this next hour at least. You open your mouth and you ask, if he's sure. Please don't be... But the answer is as expected. Of course it is. No one calls the family with news of death if they're not sure. You hang up. A hand on your back makes you flinch and it drops. You try to explain, but you can't, there's only one thing you need to do now, you can't do anything until you've done that.

You call Angel first, not for any other reason than that you know he's the easiest to get a hold off. You need to talk, to share this knowledge that's too heavy to bear on your own. Need to talk to someone younger than him, so he can make him feel responsible again. He needs that. He answers cheerily, it's been awhile, but soon he turns quiet and Jerry can hear his breathing quicken and his voice choke up and his own eyes tells him everything he knows, which isn't much and he tells him he's coming. He's in Vegas, but he's catching the next flight, he'll be there soon. Their both silent, both feeling the change already, the emptiness.

"We'll be here when you get back Ang" Ang... it's been a million years since he called him that, it feels good. We...

They hang up, and Jerry wonders if it's really a good idea to call him next. Before him. But he knows that if anyone can talk to him it'll be him. He dials the familiar number and dosen't have to wait long.

"Hello" It's quiet in the background, despite everything he always craved that more than anything.

"Jack"

It hurts, hurts like few things has ever done before and Jack is no stranger to pain. He knows why Jerry asked him to call him, and he can't deny that he needs to talk to him too. He loves them all like nothing else, but he needs Bobby right now. Bobby who takes care of everything, Bobby's strong, he'll fix it all just like he always has. He tries to ignore that small voice that is always screaming doubts at him, tries to ignore the whispers in his mind that nothing will be able to fix this.

He answers on the third signal.

"Jack?"

He tries to get his mouth to work, but all that come's out is a choked sob.

"Jack? What's wrong?" Bobby's worried voice carries as clearly over the line as if he was standing right next to him.

"Bobby..." He tries to breathe, but such a simple thing as drawing air down his lungs seems like the most impossible thing.

"Jack are you hurt? Has someone..."

He cuts him off then, air forcing itself down his lungs in a painfil manner. "Bobby it's Ma..."

And he knows. Bobby knows his brothers, and now he knows...

"She, there was a robbery and they..." The air is gone again...

It consumes you. Hatred burns along every inch of your body and you gasp and it only burns brighter until you can't see anything else... It's instinct to want to be close to those you love in a time of need, you need the comfort and strength you know they can provide.

The night is hard.

Jerry spends the night at the kitchen table, listening to Camille trying to comfort him, trying not to let on that what he really needs right now is them. He loves her, but right now that's not enough.

Angel takes a cab to the airport and spends the rest of the night drinking away the pain. For every glass it hurts just a little bit more, still he dosen's stop, cause the lines around his eyes are blurring and that's what he wants right now.

Jack leans against the wall, sliding down silently until he reaches the floor. There's a hole in his chest, and the memories of a different time seems closer than ever, snapping at his heels. He stares silently out the window. It's going to rain.

Bobby hurls the glass across the room with a furious yell and a half sob, he reaches for another one but the pain in his heart makes him drop it and clench the table instead. His eyes fill with tears and it seems like everything is burning. It's an inferno inside him, guilt and pain raging a war with no winners. He takes a deep breath, his fingers slowly releasing their hold on the table. He wants to rage, to cry, but not now. There's things that needs to be done first, and he enters his bedroom, reaches for a bag, filling it with clothes and without hesitation he grabs the other things he knows he'll need.

Hope you liked!