Did I mention Vic Mignogna is amazing?
Fortunately, the librarian did not throw him out. However, Edward had bigger things to worry about at the moment. Like how to explain his outburst to Granger.
"Ed, are you alright?" Granger asked, brows furrowed with concern.
Edward rested his forehead against the table, bangs spilling out from either side of his head. He gave a noncommittal grunt as a response.
"Ed?" Granger said.
Edward lifted his head and smiled tiredly. "Sorry, I guess, that picture reminded me of my little brother. He wears armour wherever we go and people often mistake me as the younger brother."
Granger raised her eyebrow. "So that whole tirade was a reflex action. Ouch, you must be real touchy about being called sho-"
Edward glared at her venomously.
"Uh... nothing."
"Good. Where were we? Oh, so tell me more about this Fullmetal Alchemist. He sounds like a pretty neat guy."
"He is, actually! From the book, the people say that without the armour, he's a pretty good looking guy."
"He is, huh?" Edward said with a delighted grin that he could not quite hide.
"Apparently, the author has even seen him before when the Fullmetal Alchemist was passing through his town. He refused to pay for the significant amount of damage he wrecked upon their town and passed on the debt to his superiors."
Granger frowned. "Some hero of the people, huh?"
"Hey! Give the guy a break. At least he's getting the things paid for right? Tell me more about the good looking part."
"Uh... the book says he's Viagra on legs but that's it."
"That's it? C'mon! It sounds like the author probably never seen him before!"
"I don't think he has. I mean, the guy wears a suit of armour. No offense to your little brother, but that sounds pretty crazy. Maybe all Special Alchemists have to wear armour, seeing that they're the front liners in war."
"Maybe," Edward muttered, disgruntled. "Can I borrow this book? I'll return it to you when I'm done."
"Sure," Granger said, handing the book over. She glanced at the article about the Fullmetal Alchemist which Edward was reading intently. She coughed delicately.
"Uh... Ed. I know the book says he's a stunner but uh... you're not gay are you?"
Edward Elric spluttered.
"Hermione, why didn't you come to Charms?"
Edward glanced up when Harry and Weasley joined them at the table in the library. Harry waved at Edward who grinned back.
"What? Oh no!" Granger squeaked. "I forgot to go to Charms!"
"But how could you forget?" said Harry. "You were with us till we were right outside the classroom!"
"I don't believe it!" Granger wailed. "Was Professor Flitwick angry? Oh, it was Malfoy, I was thinking about him and I lost track of things!"
"You know what, Hermione?" said Wealey, looking down at the enormous Arithmancy on the table. "I reckon you're cracking up. You're trying to do too much."
"No, I'm not!" said Granger, staring hopelessly around for her bag. "I just made a mistake, that's all! I'd better go and see Professor Flitwick and say sorry... I'll see you in Divination!"
Edward narrowed his eyes as the Gryffindors left. There was something Granger was not telling him.
He returned to his dormitory and gingerly took out the real hocus pocus stick and the map.
"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good," Edward whispered and shivered as the gruesome feeling of magic rushed through his arm. He dropped the stick instantly and watched as the ink appeared on the map.
There were a lot of movement in the map since it was the end of all classes and people were moving back to their common rooms. It was difficult but Edward found Granger with Harry and Weasley near the tower. Nothing strange there except... except there was another Hermione Granger in the Muggle Studies classroom.
Edward frowned. How did she manage to be in two places at once? Did she duplicate herself?
There was a knock on his door and Edward shoved the map and stick into the drawer without erasing the map.
Edward opened the door and recognised the Quidditch captain Marcus Flint.
"Whoa, nice place, Elric. You've got the whole room to yourself!" Flint whistled and Edward shrugged.
"C'mon, Slytherin meeting in the common room. I've got some news to tell you guys."
The news was not good. So was his seat. To fit the whole Slytherin house into the common room was first of all, not a good idea. Edward was squashed up against Millicent Bullstrode or rather, Millicent Bullstrode was squashing him.
"Can't breathe!" Edward gasped but he did not think anyone heard him.
Flint had done something so that his voice was magnified throughout the room.
"So, I've got some really bad news. Warrington broke his arm when the stupid Gryffindor bitch 'accidentally' shot a bone shattering spell at him."
His announcement was greeted by furious shouts, none of them PG 13.
"An unworthy attempt to sabotage the Gryffindor seeker!" Flint mimicked McGonagall's voice. "And what does she say when Gryffindor shatters every bone in our beater's arm a few weeks before the finals? 'Oh, silly me, that is an unexpected accident. Oh, boo hoo, poor Slytherin.'"
More furious yowls.
"So I'm going to have an emergency Slytherin tryout. Anyone who is a third year and above in the field now!"
The Slytherins practically dashed for the door. Edward groaned. Must he? Exams were coming up and he really wanted to read the book Granger had lent him.
The tryouts lasted the whole day and into the night. At least Edward had brought the book and was making notes in his new journal. However, no one could tell if the journal was new since it was already so worn and Edward was writing so much, the book was almost half used.
"Elric! Get your nerdy ass down here and fly this thing!" Flint yelled.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT I CAN'T COME DOWN FROM THE STANDS BECAUSE THE STAIRS ARE SO HIGH AND I HAVE TO USE A ROPE TO GET FROM ONE STEP TO THE NEXT?"
"I didn't say that, you dolt! Now get down here!"
One thing Edward really loved about Slytherins was that they had potty mouths like him. One thing he did not like about them was that one of them was handing a broom to him as if he expected Edward to do something.
Edward took it and looked at Flint questioningly. "Okay, what do you want me to sweep?"
"What are you talking about you idiot? Fly!"
"You've got to be kidding me."
Flint sighed heavily and grabbed the broom back. "Spread your legs, Elric!"
Edward looked worriedly at the rest of the Slytherin team. Malfoy was snickering at him.
"He's not gay, is he?" Edward asked.
"JUST DO IT, ELRIC! It's been a shitty day and not one of them can fly decently! If we don't do this well, we're going to lose to those Gryffindors!" Flint roared.
Edward did as he was told and Flint slid the broom between his legs. Edward held on to the end of the broom as Flint indicated and felt like a complete moron.
"Now," Flint said between gritted teeth. He looked defeated as if he had already lost the Quidditch Cup. There was no one else left in the stands so Edward was probably his final hope or final despair. "You push against the ground with your legs and fly. If you are comfortable, we'll give you a bat and see how you go with a bludger."
"You're not trying to seduce me, are you, Flint?"
"JUST KICK OFF, ELRIC!"
Edward, still feeling like an idiot, kicked off from the ground and expected to fall flat on his face.
Instead, the broom flew. Edward yelled a manly war cry, not sounding at all like a scared five year old screaming for his life.
The broom zoomed up a few hundred feet above ground until the Slytherins below were out of sight.
"AHHHHHHH!" Edward shrieked in a very manly way as the broom buffeted him from left to right, trying to throw him off. Where was the steering wheel on this thing?
The air around him was frigid but Edward did not know if it was because it was due to the night air or his own fear.
The broom lurched and for a horrible second, Edward felt his whole body lift away from the broom. He clutched against the old wood with his automail arm, glad that there were no human nerves in them or else his arm would have slackened and he would be plunging to his death.
Just as the thought crossed his mind, the broom just had to plummet down.
And Edward let out a very loud, manly shriek.