Disclaimers: all the usual apply.
Chapter 11
Amelia POV
Air, air, I need air! Oh god, no, I don't want to die here, not like this, not in this place!
Amelia heard a women screaming, the sound clawing at her soul but she couldn't find her, didn't know how to help her.
Where, where is she? Please stop screaming, please.
She followed the sound, chasing it through the darkness, every time her fingertips brushed it the shadows would swallow her.
Help, please help. I don't want to die alone!
She was so close, so close to helping her.
Here, I'm here.
Her fingers touched golden hair vibrating in the darkness. Then there was only darkness.
Alone, you're all alone. I'm all alone.
Desperately gasping for air Amelia threw herself out of the bed, hitting her knees hard on the wooden floors. Standing up on trembling legs she frantically lunged for the window. Throwing it open she allowed the cold night air to wash over her and wash away the vestiges of the nightmare.
She gasped for air, trying to grasp her self-control with weak fingers and feeling the hot tears stinging her eyes.
Looking up at the crescent moon she found herself back in the woods outside Carentan, staring down at the cold mud where she'd buried all her fears, doubts and guilt. For the briefest of moments she allowed herself to acknowledge that moment, those feelings. A brief moment was all it took for the carefully constructed walls she'd built to come crashing down around her now that she was away from the constant fighting.
Her legs gave out under her and she slid against the wall, coming to rest on the cold floor. She grabbed the pillow from her bed and buried her face in it, screaming all her anger and helplessness into it.
She screamed and screamed until her throat was raw and then she allowed the tears to fall, the sobs wracking her body.
She was crying for all the friends she'd lost, those that had died in some nondescript field, alone, for those men that never even made it that far.
She wailed for the family that was gone and the innocence she'd willingly sacrificed, even more so because she couldn't bring herself to regret her decision. She shed a tear for every life she'd taken because she'd lost a part of herself with every heartbeat she'd stopped.
She cursed and swore and fought against the fear threatening to overwhelm her. The fear that the next bullet would have her name on it. That she would never have a happily ever after.
In the darkness of the room she cried until her eyes ran dry and her heart felt empty. She cried until she was numb and then she curled into a small ball, clutching the pillow like it was a lifeline back to her sanity.
Closing her eyes, she slept, there were no dreams, no screams, just darkness and peace.
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Something wet and cold pelted her face. She threw up one hand to try and stop it, not understanding where the hell it was coming from. It felt like rain, but she was indoors.
Opening her eyes she felt disorientated, she was looking up at the world from the floor.
What the hell?
Moving to sit up her head throbbed and her eyes burned. She reached up and placed her hands on the side of the bed, bracing herself with her hands she pulled her body onto the edge of the bed.
Looking around the room the memory of the previous evening came back to her in bits and pieces. At first she thought it must all be a terrible nightmare, but the rawness in her throat and throbbing behind her eyes convinced her otherwise.
Dropping her head into her hands she took a moment to centre herself. Peering around she saw the window wide open, rain falling into the room.
Groaning she stood, every muscle in her body objecting, and reached over to the window, closing it firmly.
Falling back into bed she pulled the covers over her head and turned her back on the world.
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Her eyes fluttered open and she knew that it was dark outside, even with her head buried under the covers she could make out the sound of a world at sleep.
Throwing the blanket off of her head she took a deep breath, filling her lungs with the cool air.
Limply climbing out of the bed she shuffled over to the bathroom. Turning on the light she was shocked by the reflection in the mirror staring back at her.
Logically she knew she was looking at herself, but she didn't recognise the woman staring back at her. Her eyes were dull, her hair greasy and sticking to her face in places, her skin had red blotches everywhere.
Grimacing she walked to the sink and opened the tap, splashing cold water on her face before putting her mouth under the running water and drinking until her stomach hurt.
After she was done in the bathroom she turned back to her room, the light coming from behind her illuminating a piece of white paper on her bedside table.
Turning off the bathroom light she walked back to her bed. Sitting down heavily she turned on the bedside lamp and opened up the note.
Amelia,
Do what you have to do.
Derek.
Turning off the light she laid back down. She fell asleep clutching the note to her chest and this time she dreamt of her friends' laughter and happy times.
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"Amelia darling, it's Mrs. Whitehall. Do you want something to eat dear?"
Opening one eye she peered over her shoulder at the kindly woman standing over her. She knew she must look like a train wreck at the very best. Clearing her throat she turned onto her back and tried her utmost to smile.
The older woman sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed and Amelia could see the pity and worry in her eyes.
She hated herself for making the woman feel that way, the last thing she wanted was to be a burden on these wonderful people.
Before she could think of anything to say Mrs. Whitehall spoke. "Dear, I'm glad to see you're feeling better. Derek said you were both feeling under the weather. He's been holed up in his room for the past few days. I only saw him once when he came down to check on you."
"I'm," her voice came out a croak and Mrs. Whitehall handed her a glass of water, taking a sip she tried again. "I'm sorry if we worried you ma'am. We'll be back to normal soon, I'm already feeling a lot better."
She was telling the truth, mostly. She knew that the wounds she'd opened up were still there, but she was slowly starting to rebuild her walls and bury her demons to be dealt with at another time. The last two days had taken the edge off and she knew she would, for the time being at least, be able to focus on all the things she had, not all those she'd lost or may still lose.
"Dear, my husband fought in the Great War. I've seen what happens to soldiers when they come back home." She reached over and brushed some hair out of Amelia's eyes.
Amelia was relieved that she wouldn't have to explain herself, or worse make up some phantom illness to explain her becoming a temporary hermit.
"Now, you must be starving! I've made fresh scones and Mr. Whitehall found some jam at the Sunday market. It's a beautiful day outside. Why don't you take a nice long bath and then join us in the garden for some tea and scones?"
Amelia smiled, gratitude flooding her system. "That sounds perfect."
An hour later she found herself standing in the small sunlit backyard. Mrs. Whitehall hadn't exaggerated, it was a beautiful day. Kicking of her shoes she walked barefoot onto the cool grass and wiggling her toes a childlike smile spread across her face.
Mr. and Mrs. Whitehall were sitting at a small iron table under an awning, each reading a piece of today's paper. She was about to go over to join them when a sound from inside the house drew her attention.
Looking back she saw Derek come walking through the door. Judging by his red rimmed eyes and the way he was shielding them from the sunlight she had a pretty good idea what he'd been up to while she'd been out for the count.
He walked up to her and without saying a word wrapped her in a long embrace. They didn't have to say anything, they both knew the other one understood implicitly what they had gone through.
After a long time he let her go and she grabbed his hand, guiding him to the table.
Mr. Whitehall looked up from his paper and said, "Glad to see you both."
Amelia smiled and he nodded.
They spent the rest of the day outside in that little yard, the sun and warm company melting away the shadows of the last few days.
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So, this is by far the shortest chapter. It was originally part of chapter 10, however when I'd finished writing it I knew it should stand on its own because its "feeling" was so different to the chapter before or after it. Thank you so much to everyone that added the story to their alerts and all the lovely reviews. All the support really means a lot to me. Hope you all have a great week further.