AN: Wow, the last chapter got quite a reaction out of you guys. I'm sure that you are all anxious to know what happens next. I got the idea for the latter part of this chapter from someone who commented on this story on ao3, and I can honestly say that this chapter wouldn't have worked half as well without it. I hope that you will enjoy it!
Clarke watched as Lexa's smile dropped away. Seeing Lexa smiling and laughing with Jasper and Monty put Clarke in a dismal mood, but she couldn't help but perk up a little when she thought she detected a hint of pain in green eyes. For a moment, she allowed herself to hope that Lexa might finally approach her, but obviously that was nothing more than a fantasy. A split second later, the brunette was following after the boys again, and Clarke huffed in anger, wishing that her roommate wouldn't be so stubborn.
Clarke had never seen Lexa hang out with Jasper and Monty much, although she had been informed that they had been closer freshman year, and it seemed to the blonde that Lexa was spending time with anyone that she possibly could in order to avoid Clarke. At first, she had thought that Lexa was just upset over what had happened with her stepfather, but this was something else. It almost seemed to Clarke as if she had done something to upset Lexa, but if she had, she couldn't think of what it possibly could have been. If Lexa wanted to break up with her so badly, then Clarke wished that her roommate would get the guts to say so. She was honestly getting sick and tired of being treated this way.
"Clarke, are you okay?" The blonde was startled out of her thoughts by a voice from somewhere to her left, and she turned her head to see Raven walking towards her with a concerned look. Reaching up to wipe at her eyes, Clarke found that she had begun to cry without even realizing it. She supposed that she could wipe her eyes and try to pretend that she had never been crying at all, but she honestly didn't even care anymore. Shaking her head in her friend's direction, she let her sobs loose right there in the middle of the hallway. Raven was quick to pull her crying friend into her arms, rubbing her back comfortingly. "What happened?"
"Lexa," Clarke choked out, knowing that was all that needed to be said.
"I take it things haven't gotten any better with you two, then," Raven stated.
"Of course not. She hasn't talked to me in a month, and I don't think things will ever get better between us again. Not if she keeps fucking refusing to talk to me about what it is I've done to offend her. She's acting like a child, and I hate her." Clarke began to sob harder, repeating her words with more conviction. "I hate her, Raven. I hate her."
"I know," Raven said soothingly. "I know that you think you hate her, but you don't."
"I do," Clarke argued immediately. "I do hate her! And I never want to see her again."
"I know for a fact that that's not true," Raven said softly. "You're just angry at her right now. I mean, you have a right to be, but I know that you could never hate her."
Clarke wanted to argue, but she knew that her friend was right. As much as she thought that she hated Lexa, she knew that no matter what the brunette did, she would never, ever hate her. Worse than that, she loved the awful girl, loved her with all of her heart, and she wished more than anything that there was some way that she could get herself to stop.
"You're right," Clarke admitted, tears slowing as her anger seemed to leave her as quickly as it had come. "I don't hate her, but that doesn't mean that I'm not furious with her. I want to smack her right across her stupid face, but I can't because I still love her, and I wish that I could stop."
"You will," Raven said. "If the two of you aren't meant to be together, then you will stop loving her in time, and if you are, you'll find your way back to each other."
"Do you think we're meant to be?" Clarke knew that it was a pointless question, but she asked it anyway.
Raven paused for a moment, seeming to contemplate the question before she gave her answer in one word. "Yes."
"Really?" Clarke looked at her friend with hopeful blue eyes.
"Yes," Raven repeated. "I think that Lexa's just really confused right now and maybe still a little upset about what happened to her, but I do think that she will come to realize how much she still loves you and how much you want her to come back to you. You just have to keep trying to get through to her."
Clarke nodded in response, although she wondered if Raven was only saying this because she knew that it was what Clarke wanted to hear. Regardless, Clarke kept this information with her throughout the rest of the day. She wondered why it was that she let people's reassurances get her hopes up like this, and she supposed that it was because she wasn't ready to give up. She didn't know if she ever would be.
When she got back to her room that afternoon, she went back to pacing, like she had done when Lexa had very first started avoiding her. She wondered what she might be able to say to Lexa to stir up any lingering feelings that the brunette might still have for her. She knew that the answer was nothing. If she even tried to say anything at all to Lexa, the brunette would cut her off before she could even get two words in. She tried to come up with some grand gesture that she could make to get Lexa back, but she knew that she was wasting her time. The brunette seemed to be revolted by the mere sight of Clarke, and the blonde couldn't do much more than accept the inevitable.
Lexa wasn't coming back to her.
Clarke hated the thought the minute that it went through her head, but she knew that it was quite possibly true. Lexa hadn't spoken to Clarke in a month. How could Clarke possibly think that Lexa would suddenly start now? She felt anger course through her at the thought of how petty and childish Lexa had been acting lately. She didn't know why the hell she was even trying to think of ways to get Lexa back in the first place when it had become so clear that the brunette didn't deserve her. Clarke helped Lexa get through her nightmares every single morning, and this was the way that the other girl repaid her? She was honestly tempted to leave Lexa to suffocate and see how much she wanted to avoid Clarke then. She knew that she could never go through with it though. She was not cruel, like Lexa appeared to be.
The blonde threw herself onto the bed, in a mixture of sorrow and fury, feeling like she wanted to cry her eyes out, but no tears came. She thought bitterly that she must be out of tears. She had come to take comfort in the tiny trails of water that coated her face these days, and she growled in frustration. If she could not have real tears, she supposed that she would have to make do with drawing them, so she reached into her nightstand to get her sketchbook and pencil. Flipping through the pages, Clarke's eyes caught on a drawing that she had almost forgotten about. The drawing of a smiling Lexa. She had drawn this the last time that Lexa had been avoiding her, and she longed for the comparative ease of that time. At least she had known then what Lexa was upset over. She had seen many smiles since the one that she had drawn, much wider ones, but she still loved the smile on the page the most. She tried not to cry at the thought that she would probably never see it again.
Right as she was about to put the sketchbook away, no longer feeling like drawing, she froze. The drawing in front of her had been a complete outpour of her feelings the last time that she had been upset, and it might be the perfect thing to show Lexa that she still loved her. It might just remind Lexa of her own feelings as well. The blonde thought about waiting for Lexa to return from school, but she knew that the brunette would never enter their shared room if she thought Clarke to be in it, so she resolved to leave the drawing for Lexa to find.
Looking over it one more time, Clarke felt the heat rush to her cheeks at the thought of Lexa seeing it. The drawing portrayed a perfect image of Lexa, and the blonde found it a little embarrassing that she had so easily drawn it from memory, without Lexa even present. What was even more embarrassing was the fact that she had written "my favorite smile" in the bottom right corner surrounded by a few hearts, and she came very close to erasing it, sure that she would die of mortification if Lexa were ever to see it. However, she knew that the best way to gauge if Lexa still had any sort of feelings for her would be to leave the drawing as is.
Clarke carefully tore the drawing from the book and placed it down onto her bed before she had time to find any more things about it that bothered her, and then she left the room. She could only hope that this might be the thing that would get through to her roommate as she walked to the one place where she knew Lexa would always be able to find her.
When Lexa finally got back from serving her ridiculous detention, she noticed that the door to her room was ajar, and she wondered if it was possible that Clarke hadn't returned from school yet. She knew that Clarke could be trying to trick her into going in so that they could talk, but Lexa decided to risk it, wandering into the room. She sighed in relief when she saw that it was empty, sinking down onto her bed to relax after an hour of being forced to literally do nothing. Even though she was glad to have the time to herself, she still couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment that the room was empty. Even though she wasn't speaking to Clarke right now, the blonde's presence still comforted her.
Lexa was about to close her eyes and take a short nap before Clarke returned when she caught sight of a piece of paper lying on top of the blonde's bed. She knew that it could be nothing more than a worksheet that Clarke had to do for homework, but she found herself curious, knowing that it had not been there when her roommate had left that morning. This meant that Clarke had to have come back to the room after school, and Lexa found it quite strange that she wasn't there now. A wave of nausea hit her when she thought that it might be a note stating that their relationship was officially over. Wasn't that exactly what she wanted though? Of course not, but she knew that it was something Clarke would eventually want, if she didn't already.
Her curiosity won out, and she wandered over and pulled the paper into her hands, only to find that it was a drawing of her. She was smiling brightly on the page, the kind of smile that was wide, but where her teeth only just peeked out from under her lips. Her eyes were so happy and full of life that Lexa almost didn't recognize herself. Was this really how Clarke saw her? Well, had seen her.
Whenever she looked in the mirror, Lexa saw only sorrow and pain reflected back at her, and she wondered how Clarke could possibly see someone who looked so alive and carefree. She wondered if maybe this was how she had looked when she was with the blonde, but it had honestly been to long for her to even remember. She was starting to realize though that maybe Clarke didn't see her in the way she saw herself. She didn't see her as a burden or weak or even worthless. Clarke clearly saw her as one of the most beautiful things in her world, and Lexa was beginning to think that she might have made a colossal mistake.
Her eyes flitted down to the words at the bottom of the page, and suddenly, tears were flowing down her face. The fact that this was Clarke's favorite smile tore Lexa apart inside. This wasn't the smile that she gave when she was happy or ecstatic about something. It was the smile that she gave when she was hurting, but something had caused her to forget her pain. Clarke didn't care that she wasn't always easy to be around; she simply enjoyed being able to ease the brunette's pain. Lexa had thought that Clarke would finally get tired of having to deal with her and break up with her, but now she wasn't so sure. Now, she was coming to realize that perhaps she had made a decision for her roommate that wasn't hers to make, something that the blonde would have never chosen in a million years, and she could only hope that she hadn't fucked everything up beyond repair.
Lexa knew that her roommate hadn't left this drawing out by accident, that she had wanted Lexa to see it, and the brunette wondered if Clarke had meant it as a sort of goodbye gift, something that meant their relationship was finally over. Lexa swallowed thickly, closing her eyes in the hopes that she could shut out everything that had happened in the past month, erase it all and start again. She knew that the only thing that she could do now was find Clarke and apologize. She hoped that she would not be too late.
Carefully placing the drawing down on her nightstand, Lexa swapped it for another item and then hurried out the door. She stopped in the hallway when she realized that she had no idea where she was going. She had no idea where Clarke even was. She supposed that she had better start searching though if she wanted to find the missing girl, so she decided to start with the room across the hall.
Octavia answered the door when Lexa knocked on it, crossing her arms. "Oh, it's you. What do you want, Lexa? If you're going to ask me to hang out, don't bother. I've already told you that I don't want to hang out with you anymore if you're going to continue to be cruel to Clarke."
"I know, Octavia. You have every right to be mad at me. I thought I was doing the right thing, and now I know that I wasn't, and I'm really sorry, and I just need to talk to Clarke for a moment," Lexa rambled, her words all running together in her desperation to speak to her girlfriend.
Octavia rolled her eyes at Lexa. "Then why don't you go and talk to her, instead of standing here chatting my ear off?"
Lexa blinked in confusion. "She's not here?"
"No. I haven't seen her since school." Octavia took a deep breath before slightly dropping the attitude that she had had since Lexa showed up at the door. "Listen, Lexa, I get that you were upset and everything, but you could have at least talked to Clarke about it. She wanted you to."
Lexa felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes again at the reminder of how badly she had messed up. "I know. It's probably too late, and things are probably over between us, but I just want to let her know how sorry I am."
"Then, it looks like it's up to you to find her," Octavia said. "Maybe she's testing you. If you can find her, that means that you still care about her, and if you can't, well…you know. She must be somewhere that she mentioned to you before or that was special maybe, and if you remember it, that shows you care?"
Lexa nodded to Octavia, grateful that the other girl was trying to help. If Clarke wanted Lexa to find her, where would she hide? Lexa's eyes widened when she realized exactly where Clarke was hiding, exactly the memory that she wanted Lexa to recall. Octavia had been saying something else, but Lexa sprinted around the corner and down the hall, forgetting everything else as she raced up the stairs, skipping every other one. She knew that this was where Clarke would be waiting if the blond girl wanted to be found. She also knew that if Clarke wasn't there, their relationship was definitely over.
Lexa pushed open the door, and she almost started speaking immediately, that's how sure she was that Clarke would be up there. Her face completely crumpled when she realized that the room was empty. She collapsed to the floor, unable to hold her own weight anymore as sobs tore through her body, tore through her heart and flesh and spattered the room with her blood. She curled into herself as she cried, distraught at the confirmation that she had been too late in her realization. Clarke didn't want her anymore. The blonde hadn't even wanted a drawing of her, a drawing that had previously been one of her favorites, and Lexa couldn't stomach the fact that Clarke might not be able to stand the sight of her anymore.
All of her energy flowed out of her, and she felt as if she wouldn't be able to move a muscle, even if she tried. Or maybe she just didn't want to. She wanted to lie in one place for the rest of her life, her desire to pretend that she was fine now gone. She watched the tears drip from the ridge of her nose onto the floor for quite some time before finally deciding that she could no longer bear to be up in the attic. This had been her and Costia's special place, as well as the place where she had first gotten together with Clarke, and she didn't need any more reminders of the love that she had lost. She tried not to think about how it was her fault that she had lost it this time.
Pawing at her eyes to dry them, Lexa dragged her sorry self off of the ground. Right before she turned to leave though, her eyes settled onto an item that had been left on the end table that Clarke had rolled her into months ago. Clarke's sketchbook balanced on the edge of it, and Lexa's heart filled with hope. The blonde had been there, after all.
She stepped closer to the table, picking the sketchbook up in her arms. First, Clarke had left the drawing and now the entire sketchbook, and Lexa knew that this must contain some sort of clue as to where the blonde was hiding. Maybe Octavia was right, and Clarke was testing her. If she truly cared about Clarke, she would be able to decipher the clue. She felt confident again as she flipped to the last filled page in the book.
Her face fell when she saw that there was no clue as to where Clarke had gone next. A sketch of a sleeping Lexa looked out at the brunette from the page, and she wondered why Clarke had chosen that image. She almost whimpered aloud when she thought that it might be because that was the only way that Clarke really saw her anymore. She couldn't help but notice that there were jagged lines drawn through the picture, like scars marring Lexa's peaceful features, as if Clarke hadn't liked the way the drawing turned out. Lexa knew though that it stemmed more from the fact that she didn't like the subject matter of her drawing. The drawing itself was perfect.
Lexa closed her eyes, not wanting to look at the drawing anymore, and she felt as if she wanted to dig her hands into the skin of her face and tear until her scars matched the unintentional ones in the picture. She deserved that, and so much more. Clarke had clearly lost her patience when Lexa had taken too long to show up, and now she was gone.
Tears escaped from green eyes again at the fact that Clarke hadn't known about Lexa's detention, probably thinking that the brunette had found the drawing and thrown it away, not even bothering to come looking for her. Lexa felt absolutely miserable, and she wished that her stepfather was there to beat her senseless. If there was ever a time that she actually deserved to be beaten, she knew that it was now. She much preferred the physical pain of bones snapping to the immense heartache that was tearing her insides apart right now.
Putting the sketchbook aside, Lexa racked her brain to try and think of where the blonde might have gone from here. She briefly thought of under the bleachers at school, but she quickly threw that aside, knowing that Clarke most likely did not wish to be found anymore. Lexa knew that her roommate had probably gone somewhere that Lexa was not familiar with, but the brunette knew that that could be anywhere. She didn't have a car, and the farthest that she had ever walked from here was to the movie theater that was two blocks over. She knew that she had been going to school here for almost two and a half years now, but she had not paid much attention to all of the attractions of the city, and she did not have enough time to search through each and every one.
Lexa took a deep breath and closed her eyes, trying for a moment to put herself in Clarke's shoes. If Clarke had been the one avoiding her, where would she have gone? That was easy. She would have gone out into the forest behind the campus. She liked to climb up into the trees and read a book or take a nap when she was upset. She knew that it was dangerous to nap in trees, so she always brought a rope with her to tie herself to the trunk. She had no idea where Clarke would go if she were upset though, so she decided to try a different tactic. If Clarke had been avoiding her, she would most likely start pushing everyone away again, much like she had been doing at the beginning of the year. That was her coping mechanism when she was extremely upset, and she knew that Clarke's was…Her eyes widened when she realized exactly where Clarke had gone. Or at least, she now had a general idea. She sped off down the hall, knocking on the door across from hers for the second time that day.
Octavia huffed in annoyance when she saw who was back at the door. "Lexa, what the hell is going on?"
"I need to borrow your car," Lexa said immediately.
"What? Why?" Octavia looked slightly taken aback by the urgency in the other girl's voice.
"I think I know where Clarke is, and I want to go after her." Lexa was shifting from foot to foot, anxious to get on the road before something happened, adding to the growing list of terrible things that were all her fault.
"What's going on with Clarke?" Raven appeared in the doorway beside her roommate.
"Is there a bar near here?" Lexa asked, pretty much ignoring Raven's question.
Octavia shrugged, but Raven snapped her fingers. "Yes, I see it every time that we drive to the airport to fly home. I wanna say it's four or five blocks from here. I think it's called Larry's Tavern?"
"Thank you." Lexa dipped her head in gratitude before turning her full attention back to Octavia. "Can I please borrow your car? I know it's within walking distance, but I want to get there as quickly as I can."
Octavia looked slightly overwhelmed as she grabbed her car keys from the bookshelf by the door and tossed them to Lexa without hesitation. "You really think that she'd start drinking again over this? She talked about that time of her life as if she never wanted to go through anything like it ever again."
"It was her way of coping at one point though. I think that she's really upset right now and that relapsing isn't out of the question in this situation," Lexa explained, trying her best to remain calm.
Octavia nodded warily, looking unsure. "Okay. Let us know if you find her."
Lexa nodded to the two girls, both of whom were looking at Lexa like she was crazy. She knew that they didn't believe her, partly because they had never experienced anything really traumatic and partly because they clearly thought that Lexa might simply be off her rocker right now. Lexa ran off in the direction of the stairs, not bothering to try and convince them that she was right. She didn't want to worry Clarke's friends until she was sure that there was something to worry about.
When Lexa entered the tavern, her eyes almost immediately landed on Clarke, who was sitting at the bar. She looked to be okay, but she was drinking, as Lexa had feared, and she appeared to be very drunk by the way that she was wobbling in her stool, almost as if she was having a hard time keeping her balance. She also appeared to be flirting with the bartender, and Lexa tried not to think of how much that hurt her. Flirting wasn't cheating, and Lexa honestly didn't even know if they were together anymore. She was not going to cause a scene because she was hurt that Clarke might be interested in someone else. Instead, she walked over to the blonde and placed a hand on her arm to get her attention. "Hey, Clarke."
Malicious blue eyes turned to Lexa, and she was shocked by the ferocity in them. "You finally decided to show up, huh? Well, you're too late. I was just telling Niylah here what a complete bitch you are."
The bartender, Niylah, looked up at Lexa with an apologetic glance, letting the brunette know that she hadn't been flirting back. She probably only stayed to listen to Clarke because she didn't know how to handle the drunk blonde. Lexa tried not to let her girlfriend's words affect her, even though she knew that the blonde was right. "Come on, Clarke. Let's go home."
"I'm not going anywhere with you, Lexa," Clarke snarled. "I don't want anything to do with you anymore."
The words hit Lexa like a slap to the face, hurt rising in her chest at the realization that Clarke no longer cared for her. Still, it was Lexa's fault that Clarke was in this mess right now, and it was her job, if not as Clarke's girlfriend, then as her roommate, to make sure that she got home safely. "Please, Clarke, just come with me. I don't want to leave you here all by yourself. How much have you had to drink?"
"I don't know. Probably six or seven beers. Maybe eight," Clarke slurred.
Lexa's eyes widened, and she suddenly felt dizzy, wondering how on earth someone could drink so much beer so quickly. Clarke couldn't have been there for more than an hour. She must have been downing drink after drink, and suddenly, Lexa was a whole lot more worried than she had been only seconds ago. She didn't know much about alcohol, but she knew that drinking so much so quickly couldn't be good for you.
When Lexa didn't answer right away, Clarke pushed herself up from the barstool, seemingly headed for the other end of the bar to get away from Lexa. Almost immediately, she tripped over her own two feet and stumbled into Lexa, who quickly wrapped her arms around her roommate to steady her.
"Get off me," Clarke growled, pushing weakly against Lexa's chest.
"If I let go, you're just going to fall to the floor," Lexa argued. "I think I need to take you to the hospital. You've had way too much to drink."
"I said, get off me, you bitch. I hate you." Clarke elbowed Lexa in the ribs, causing her to gasp in pain, but she did not let up on her grip.
"Did you hear me, Lexa? I fucking hate you," Clarke said savagely. "Now, get your hands off me and leave."
Lexa tried hard to blink back her tears, but a few of them rolled down her cheeks anyway. She hated that they had gotten to this place, and it was all her fault. She had finally driven Clarke away, exactly like she had wanted, and she realized how stupid she'd been to ever want such a thing in the first place.
She knew that this was not the time or the place to fall apart, so she tried her best to pull herself together. "I am so sorry for the shitty way that I have been treating you, but I want to tell you that when you are sober. Right now, I really just want you to cooperate with me because we need to get out of here."
"Stay the fuck away from me!" Clarke yelled.
The blonde seemed to summon all of her remaining strength because she shoved Lexa roughly to the floor, where the brunette splayed out on her side, feeling the breath knocked right out of her. She breathed heavily, expecting her stepfather to appear, but he did not. It seemed that she was so worried about Clarke that she didn't even have a flashback, which surprised her. However, Clarke was looking at her with a cold, hard look that was very similar to one that her stepfather would wear, and she wondered if Clarke might be about to hit or kick her. She cowered away, but she knew that she deserved it, that she would not try to get away if Clarke attacked her. At the sight of Lexa cowering on the floor, the angry look in Clarke's eyes fell away, and she slowly sunk to the ground.
Lexa sat up from her place on the floor, rubbing her left arm, which had taken the brunt of the fall. Clarke's eyes were instantly drawn to the motion, tears welling up in them. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"You didn't," Lexa reassured her, pulling a soft blond head against her chest. "I'm fine. I'm the one that hurt you."
Clarke nodded against her roommate's sweater, and Lexa was beyond glad that the girl had finally calmed down. After a few moments, the blonde wiped her eyes and tried to stand up, but she didn't even make it into a sitting position before collapsing back into Lexa, clearly feeling dizzy.
"I think I'm a little drunk," Clarke hiccupped with a giggle.
Lexa might have found it endearing if she weren't so damn afraid. "I can help you stand, Clarke, if you'll allow me to."
"Okay," Clarke mumbled, letting Lexa pull her up from the ground.
The two of them staggered out of the place with some difficulty, Lexa supporting most of Clarke's weight, and the brunette found herself wishing that she had been able to find a closer parking space.
"We're not good for each other, are we?" Clarke murmured quietly, the sound almost lost to the rumble of engines on the street.
The question took Lexa by surprise. Her mind had been so dominated by the flurry of concern that was running through it for the girl who was leaning against her that she hadn't even stopped to think about something like that. She could see where Clarke was coming from, and she knew that her roommate was probably right, after the events of this week. She couldn't exactly bring herself to care right now though.
"I don't know, Clarke," Lexa answered honestly. "All I know is that I love you, and that's all that matters to me right now."
It pained Lexa more than she cared to admit when Clarke didn't say it back.
Once the two of them were finally in the car, Clarke curled into herself in the passenger seat, shivering with cold. Lexa started the engine and turned the heat up as far as it would go. She was instantly sweltering in the sweater that she was wearing, but she barely even noticed. Her only goal was to make sure that nothing happened to Clarke before they made it to the hospital.
After a few seconds on the road, Clarke began mumbling deliriously to herself, and Lexa pressed harder on the gas pedal. "I hate Lexa, do you know that? But I love her so much. I don't even remember why I hate her, but I think she was being an asshole lately…I can't remember what she was doing, but I don't think that I can ever forgive her for it."
Lexa felt like she was listening in on a private conversation between the blonde and her friends, but there was no way that she could block it out in the close proximity of the car. She thought about turning the radio up, but she did not want to irritate her roommate. Instead, she decided to respond to the girl's statement. "I'm sure that Lexa loves you, too. She feels like a fool for ever having treated you so badly."
"How the hell do you know?" Clarke was still shivering despite the burning temperature of the car.
Lexa didn't know how to respond, but it didn't seem to matter because Clarke forgot all about her question a few seconds later. She began muttering on about something else entirely. This was complete gibberish or maybe Lexa simply could not make it out. Even this stopped after a few minutes though, and Lexa looked worriedly at her roommate, who seemed to have fallen unconscious.
"Clarke?" Lexa called out, but there was no response. "Clarke, please wake up."
Panic rose inside of Lexa when Clarke didn't answer again, and she tried her best to push it away, needing to keep her head clear in order to focus on the road in front of her. She didn't know if the blonde was breathing or not, but she did know that if Clarke died tonight, it would be all her fault. For the first time in her life, Lexa ran a red light.
When Lexa arrived at the hospital, exactly four minutes later, she hopped out of the car and ran around it, flinging open the passenger side to reveal the unresponsive blonde. She tentatively held her hand out in front of Clarke's face, and she almost shouted in relief when she felt expelled breath hitting the back of her hand. It was very shallow breathing though, and Lexa knew that she probably did not have much time before it stopped. She lifted Clarke from the passenger seat and hurried toward the hospital entrance, not even noticing how heavy the blonde was in her extreme fright. Blue eyes fluttered open at the jostling movements, settling on Lexa's face in a daze.
"Lexa? What's happening to me?" Clarke's eyes looked fearful for the first time that night, almost as if she had finally sobered up a bit.
"You had way too much to drink, and I think you might have alcohol poisoning," Lexa explained as calmly as she could. "Have you ever had it before?"
Clarke shook her head, clutching tightly to Lexa's sweater and trembling violently. "Please help me."
"You're okay." Lexa tried her best to sound reassuring. "Just hang in there, roomie."
I can't lose you, too.
Clarke's eyes drooped shut again as Lexa burst through the doors. Thankfully, there were three nurses at the front desk, and they immediately jumped to attention at the sight of the unconscious girl in Lexa's arms. A nurse was by Lexa's side in an instant with a wheelchair, and she helped the brunette lower Clarke into it.
"What happened?" the nurse asked.
"I think it's alcohol poisoning," Lexa admitted.
The nurse gave a brusque nod, and the other nurses raced beside her, one speaking into a pager and the other calling back to Lexa that they would be back shortly to show her to the waiting room. The brunette could do nothing but watch as her girlfriend was wheeled out of the room, green eyes never leaving a small blond figure until the girl was out of sight.