AN: I'm sorry that this is a day late, guys, but life got in the way of my writing last week. Final papers and all that. Anyway, since it is December now, if you guys would like to send me Christmas/winter/holiday themed Clexa prompts, I would love to fill them throughout the month. If you have any ideas, you can either tell me via review or you can leave it in my dropbox on tumblr at clexawarrior. Thank you to everyone for continuing to read my story and an advance thanks to anyone who decides to send me a prompt to fill. Enjoy!
Clarke awoke the next morning to find her arm slung around an empty pile of bedsheets, and her eyes sprang open. Lexa was no longer lying beside her. Frowning, she looked over to Lexa's own bed to see if maybe the brunette had decided to go back and lie there in the middle of the night, but it was empty. Dread settled in the pit of Clarke's stomach, a feeling that had become all too familiar in the past month. Lexa was gone.
The two of them hadn't slept together last night, had simply fallen asleep when they got back from the concert, but Clarke couldn't help but remember the heated kiss they had shared outside of Azgeda House. She wondered if her bold behavior had scared Lexa away again, and she chided herself for having been so stupid. She shouldn't have gotten so lost in the moment. She shouldn't have touched Lexa's chest without permission. She wouldn't even let Lexa kiss her without permission, and then she had gone and done that. Lexa had probably decided that she didn't want to be with Clarke anymore after last night, and so she was off hiding somewhere again. The thought made Clarke sick to her stomach.
She really hoped Lexa was not going to start pushing her away again because if it happened one more time, then that was it. She wouldn't allow herself to be in a relationship with the other girl if that was the way that she was going to be treated. She couldn't believe that Lexa would just leave like this though, especially after last night. Lexa wouldn't have taken Clarke to that concert if she didn't still love her. Besides, she had been into the kiss, too, until Clarke had squeezed her breast. She was the one who had wanted the kiss to happen in the first place. On top of that, Lexa had promised never to push Clarke away again. If last night had bothered her, then she would sit down and talk to Clarke about it. She had to. Perhaps, the only reason that she was not lying beside Clarke right now was that she simply had to go to the bathroom.
Pushing the bedsheets aside, Clarke rolled out of bed, planting her feet firmly on the braided rug. She traipsed out onto the hardwood floor of the hallway. The bathroom door was open. No Lexa.
Clarke blinked back tears, wondering if Lexa was up in the attic. She thought about going up there to try and talk to the other girl, but she decided against it. She would give Lexa the day to come and talk to her, and if she didn't, then that was it. They were over.
Clarke wished that she wasn't so hurt by that thought.
She knew that Indra didn't normally make breakfast until around ten on the weekends, and it wasn't even nine yet, but Clarke went downstairs anyway, hoping that the house mother might be willing to make her something earlier. She was already feeling hungry, and she knew that there was no way that she was going to be able to fall back asleep without Lexa by her side.
When Clarke pushed into the kitchen, she saw Indra seated at the kitchen island, providing what seemed to be unnecessary supervision while Lexa cooked at the stove. Clarke rubbed her eyes to make sure that she was seeing correctly, but sure enough, there was Lexa, making scrambled eggs in a frying pan. The blonde tried not to let her mouth water when her eyes landed on the stack of chocolate chip pancakes that were sitting on a plate beside her girlfriend. Indra rarely ever cooked chocolate chip pancakes, normally opting for blueberry or banana because they were healthier, but chocolate chip was Clarke's all-time favorite.
"What's this?" Clarke asked. Her blue eyes were curious, but also filled with relief at the fact that Lexa was simply making breakfast rather than avoiding her.
Lexa spun around, flour streaked across her left cheek, and Clarke smiled at the adorable sight. "Clarke, you can't be in here."
The blonde's grin didn't falter. "Did you make these pancakes from scratch, LW?"
Lexa nodded. "Indra doesn't even have any pancake mix." She scowled down at the ground. "This was supposed to be a surprise. Yesterday morning, I asked Indra if I could use the kitchen early today so that I might make breakfast for you."
Clarke's smile grew even wider at the news. Lexa hadn't been bothered by anything that had happened last night. Lexa wasn't mad at her. Lexa was making her breakfast. Clarke let out a small laugh. "It's a great surprise, Lexa. Thank you."
"I'm glad that you like it, Clarke, but you have to leave now. I will bring it upstairs to you when I am finished." Lexa grabbed Clarke by the shoulders with a small smile and began pushing her back towards the door that led from the kitchen to the hallway.
Digging her feet into the ground and grabbing onto the island, Clarke tried her best to resist Lexa's shoving. "Lexa, wait," she said, and the brunette paused in her efforts. "You've got a little flour on your cheek."
The brunette pulled a face, bringing a hand up to rub at the wrong cheek with a cute little scowl.
"Wrong side. I'll get it for you." Clarke leaned forward and licked the flour right off of her girlfriend's cheek, a smug smirk on her face.
Lexa did not find that to be quite as amusing as Clarke did. "Clarke!" Lexa brought the sleeve of her purple shirt up to wipe at her face. "I don't want your saliva all over my face, especially when I'm cooking. That's disgusting!"
Clarke leaned in close so that Indra would not overhear, nipping lightly at Lexa's earlobe. "That's not what you were saying last night."
Lexa gasped, but she couldn't stop a smile and a blush from playing out on her face. Clarke wanted nothing more than to lean in and give her a quick chaste kiss, and she was about to do so when Lexa reached into the bag of flour and flicked a bit of it at Clarke. Blue eyes sparked with surprise and slight outrage. She was immediately reaching for the bag of flour herself, intending to send a wall of powdery white over her girlfriend, but a hand on her arm stopped her. Only then did she remember that Indra was still there watching them, and she turned her face up with a sheepish grin.
"I would really appreciate it if you girls didn't make a mess of my kitchen," Indra said with a laugh. "Any mess you make is up to you to clean, so I would think about that before dumping that bag of flour all over Lexa."
Indra had a knowing twinkle in her eyes, and Clarke wondered how she had known that the blonde was going to throw more than a little bit of flour. Regardless, Clarke politely dipped her head in acknowledgement. She did not want to clean up the mess that the flour would most definitely create.
"Why don't you go wait upstairs, Clarke?" the house mother suggested with kind eyes. "Lexa will be up shortly."
Even though Clarke really wanted to wipe the smug look off of her girlfriend's face, she didn't want to be disrespectful, so she headed back to her room. She couldn't ignore the way that her heart felt ready to burst with love though. She didn't think that anyone had ever made her breakfast before like this, and she found the gesture to be extremely sweet. Maybe Raven was right, after all. It seemed as if Lexa was beyond serious about fixing the things that she broke, and Clarke couldn't even begin to express how happy she was to have the beautiful girl back in her life.
When Lexa entered the room a few minutes later, Clarke saw that she had also made biscuits, and the blonde's heart warmed at the sight of Lexa placing a tray down into her lap. Lexa climbed into the bed beside her, and Clarke turned to face her, wondering if this was a leftover part of their date from last night. "What's this for?"
"This is for the simple occasion that I love you, and I don't ever want to let you go again," Lexa said with sincere green eyes.
"Thank you, Lexa. I love you, too," Clarke said, wondering if she should reward her girlfriend with a kiss.
"Well, aren't you going to try it?" Lexa asked before Clarke could decide.
Clarke cleared her throat awkwardly, a little embarrassed that she had been staring at Lexa's lips. "Oh, um, yes, of course."
She brought a piece of the pancakes to her mouth (already covered in butter and syrup, she might add) and sighed as the delicious chocolatey flavor flooded her senses. These pancakes were way better than Clarke had expected, almost as good as Indra's and maybe even better than the ones that Clarke's own mother made.
"Where on earth did you learn to cook like this?" she asked.
Lexa's pleased green eyes turned a little sad. "Costia used to love cooking, and she taught me how to make a lot of things freshman year. When I first got here, I was having pretty constant flashbacks and nightmares, and Costia found that it helped me to have something that I could focus on. Cooking was something that we used to do together a lot."
"Oh," Clarke said, refraining from saying that she was sorry because she knew that the brunette would hate it. Instead, she picked up some more pancake with her fork and offered it to Lexa. "Want some?"
"No." Lexa was quick to shake her head. "This is all for you, Clarke. I already had some cereal before I started cooking."
Clarke smiled so widely that she thought her face might split in half, and her heart melted at how special Lexa made her feel. Her next words were out of her mouth before she could even comprehend what she had said. "Come home with me."
Lexa pulled back slightly, brows furrowing in confusion. "What?"
"Come home with me for Christmas," Clarke clarified, feeling a little sheepish that she had just blurted that out in the heat of the moment.
"You want me to spend winter break with you at your house?" Lexa asked quizzically, looking a little doubtful.
Clarke was sure that she wanted this. She had meant to discuss it with Lexa sometime in the near future, but she chided herself for bringing it up so suddenly. She quickly found herself very nervous. "Well, I just thought you might want to because you obviously can't go back with your own parents, and you said that you never felt like you belonged with Luna's family, and I mean, I'll miss you over the break. You don't have to though. I just thought I'd offer, but you can go back to your own home, if you want to."
Lexa shook her head at the blonde. "When are you ever going to get it, Clarke? You are my home."
Clarke was overcome with emotion at how much she clearly meant to Lexa. Only last week, she had thought that she meant nothing to the brunette anymore. She would've never thought that Lexa might consider her to be home. This place, maybe, but not her. Clarke had always thought of her own house as her home, and she had never even considered that home could be a person. She wondered if Lexa might be her home, too. Not even an hour ago, Clarke had thought that Lexa might be leaving her again, that their relationship might finally be over, but now she saw that Lexa cared about her so much more than she had previously allowed herself to think.
"Do you really mean that?" she asked with wide blue eyes.
"Of course I do," Lexa replied immediately. "I have been waiting my entire life to feel like I fit in, to have someone that I feel loved and safe with. I feel all of that with you."
Clarke could feel tears forming in the corners of her eyes when she realized what Lexa was implying. "Is that a…?"
Lexa leaned forward to press a kiss against Clarke's lips, not moving away as she murmured her answer. "Yes, Clarke. I will go home with you for Christmas."
Clarke pressed her lips to Lexa's again, smiling into the kiss, and she was just about to sink her teeth into that plump bottom lip when Lexa pulled away. Clarke whined at the sudden lack of contact, and she gave Lexa a puzzled frown.
"Eat your food before it gets cold." Lexa gestured to the tray that rested on her girlfriend's lap, letting out a chuckle.
Clarke thought that Lexa's lips looked much more delicious than her food, but the other girl was right. They were taking things slow, so Clarke should probably keep the lip-biting to a minimum. Still, she could not keep the happiness out of her blue eyes as she continued to eat her glorious breakfast, content to keep her gaze on happy green for all of eternity.
"Who the hell has the marshmallows?" Raven shouted over the din in the kitchen.
"You guys are the only ones who need the marshmallows," Lexa answered. "They're probably still in the pantry."
Clarke laughed as she continued to mix the mashed potatoes that Lexa had abandoned. The brunette made her way over to help Octavia and Raven find the marshmallows to top off their sweet potatoes. Clarke had recently found out about the house's tradition of helping Indra cook for Thanksgiving every year. While at first she had been a little wary, Clarke had to admit that it was pretty fun. Indra made the turkey and rolls, and the students worked in pairs to make the rest of the side dishes: Anya and Emori made stuffing, Monty and Lincoln were in charge of the green bean casserole, Octavia and Raven had sweet potatoes, and Clarke tried her best to help Lexa with the garlic mashed potatoes. The brunette really didn't need much help though, so Clarke was more than content to watch her. She never knew that cooking could be so sexy, but Lexa found a way to make everything sexy, in Clarke's mind.
As for Bellamy and Jasper, nobody seemed to want them anywhere near the food, so they stayed out of the kitchen. Lexa said that they were terrible cooks, and Clarke had already heard the horror stories. This tradition had apparently started two years ago because Lincoln and Costia liked to cook and wanted to help their aunt out in the kitchen. Jasper and Bellamy were put in charge of the rolls because they were the only ones with absolutely no cooking experience, and they had managed to burn them to a crisp, almost starting a fire.
Clarke now watched with barely concealed laughter as Lexa grabbed the marshmallows down from the top shelf of the pantry. She shoved them at Raven with a slightly annoyed frown before coming back to take control of the mashed potatoes. No sooner had Lexa walked away, than Raven opened the marshmallow bag too quickly, sending several mini-marshmallows rolling across the tile floor.
"Careful," Indra said as she went to inform the other members of the house that dinner would be ready soon.
"Yeah, Rae, be careful," Clarke mocked, throwing a marshmallow at her friend.
The marshmallow bounced harmlessly off the other girl's arm, but it still served to get her attention. Raven had a mischievous twinkle in her brown eyes, and Clarke thought that maybe it had not been such a good idea to throw that marshmallow.
"Watch it, Clarke." Raven lobbed a spoonful of sweet potatoes right into Clarke's face.
"Raven!" Clarke yelled in outrage. She quickly grabbed a napkin to wipe off her face and shot a glare at her girlfriend, who was trying and failing to hide her laughter. Clarke ripped the spoon right out of Lexa's hand and sent a spoonful of mashed potatoes right back into Raven's own face.
"Clarke!" Raven exclaimed. She clearly had not expected the blonde to retaliate.
Clarke felt a hand land upon her arm before she could respond, and she looked up into reproachful green eyes.
"Clarke, these are for eating. Don't throw them around," Lexa chided.
The blonde didn't even have time to say anything before sweet potatoes splatted across the top of Lexa's head, streaking through her hair. Lexa's mouth dropped open as she looked up at Raven in shock. Then, Lexa's previous rule went right out the window as she got a spoonful of mashed potatoes and hurled them right onto Raven's white shirt, creating a nice, large stain there.
"Lexa!" Raven cried, and Clarke thought that it was starting to sound like The Rocky Horror Picture Show in here with how many times they were yelling each other's names. "This better come out of my shirt."
"This better come out of my hair," Lexa argued as she looked at her reflection in the microwave with distaste.
"It'll come out once you shower," Raven said. "If this stains, then it won't come out even once I wash it."
"Should've thought of that before you started throwing potatoes around," Clarke said with a smirk.
Lexa's eyes went back to the mashed potato bowl, and Clarke quickly grabbed her by the arm, pulling her away before she could do any more damage. Lexa tried to jerk out of her grasp, but Clarke kept a firm grip, hoping that it wasn't bothering the other girl, hoping that Lexa would let her know if it was.
At that moment, Indra entered the room, taking one look at Lexa and Raven and shaking her head in amusement. "I leave the room for less than five minutes, and food is already flying, huh?" The two girls looked away guiltily. "Let's try to keep the food in the bowls, please."
Lexa and Raven exchanged sheepish grins while Clarke began pulling paper towels off of the roll that rested on the island. She wondered if she should hold them out to Lexa and allow the brunette to do it herself, but Clarke knew that it would be easier for her since she could actually see the top of Lexa's head. She carefully reached out to tilt Lexa's head to the side, and the brunette angled it even further, giving Clarke easy access.
"Just stay still, Lexa," Clarke instructed.
Lexa didn't move a muscle as Clarke began dabbing at the top of her girlfriend's head, trying her best to get the sweet potatoes out of her hair. Raven was doing the same with her shirt a few feet away, using water to try to prevent it from staining. Clarke wondered briefly if she might be embarrassing Lexa by doing it for her, but her roommate didn't say anything, so she didn't stop until she had gotten it out as best as she could. The top of Lexa's hair was still more red than brown, but the clumps of potatoes were gone at least. Lexa nodded her head in thanks, and Clarke shot her girlfriend a teasing look.
"You know, red hair really suits you."
Lexa nudged her in the ribs, but Clarke didn't miss the tiny smile that was on her lips. Clarke grabbed the bowl of mashed potatoes and brought it out to the dining room table, pleased that she was the first person to set something out, even though Lexa had done all of the work. It was not long, though, before everyone else was finished, and then the peace and quiet of the dining room was shattered by the loud chatter that came from the residents of the house.
When Clarke tasted the food, the amazing flavor of Lexa's potatoes did not surprise her, but the deliciousness of everyone else's dishes did. She had honestly expected some of the food items to be less than stellar, but it was clear that her housemates had become quite good at this over the years. Even better than the food and the familiar feeling of being surrounded by all of her friends, was the fact that her hand was being warmed under the table by that of the girl that she was most thankful for in the world.
After dinner, everyone went out to the field to meet up with the other houses and play some friendly games of football. Clarke was not too excited because sports were not really her thing, but she knew that it was tradition. She wanted to take part in it, if only to spend more time with her friends. All of the padding that she was given to wear felt strange, especially since she had never played this game before, but Lexa looked hot in it. Clarke found herself wanting to tear the outfit from Lexa's body right then and there, and she quickly shut down that fantasy before it could even begin playing in her mind.
As the games went on, Clarke found that Lexa was really good at football, scoring multiple touchdowns, but then again, so were most of her housemates. The only two that didn't seem to be as great were Jasper and Monty, and that was only because they didn't take the game as seriously as the others, preferring to joke around. Clarke tried her best to run around and appear as if she knew what she was doing, even though she didn't have the faintest idea what was going on for the majority of the time. Her teammates seemed to have the collective idea not to throw the ball to Clarke, but the blonde honestly preferred it that way. She would much rather watch Lexa and her friends play than actually try to participate herself. That was why she was caught completely off guard during a game against Azgeda when Bellamy, the quarterback for that game, tossed her the ball.
Clarke's eyes widened as the ball hurtled towards her, focusing all of her energy on catching it. She was so relieved when she actually did that she froze for a second, momentarily forgetting what to do next. It didn't hurt her though. She had been wide open when Bellamy had thrown the ball to her because the members of the other team had stopped expecting Clarke to get the ball a long time ago.
She jumped to action a moment later, sprinting off towards the side of the field that she knew would score her a touchdown. She almost made it, too, but she was tackled to the ground by Ontari a few feet from the makeshift end zone.
A numbing pain shot up Clarke's arm as she landed hard on her elbow, knowing immediately that she had hit her funny bone. She curled onto her side, waiting for the pain to diminish before she made any move to get up. She couldn't help but remember the first time that she had ever hit her funny bone when she had slipped at the park while trying to climb back up a slide. She had been six years old, and she had screamed like she was dying. Her father had freaked out, but her mother had only laughed at his behavior, having known exactly what had happened since she was a doctor. Her dad always reacted like that when she was wounded, fussing over the smallest of injuries, even if they hadn't particularly upset Clarke. She had always found it to be annoying when she was younger, but she couldn't help but wish that her father would run in from the sidelines now and scoop her up in his arms. She wouldn't mind the coddling if it meant that she could see him one last time.
Tears slipped from Clarke's eyes before she could stop them, even though her pain had subsided by now. She hadn't let herself think about it in a long time, but she missed her father, and now that she had remembered him, she couldn't stop. Images of past Thanksgivings infiltrated her mind against her will: her father bringing the turkey to the table with a huge grin, she and him trying to see who could eat the most food, she and her parents gathered around the TV to watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. Clarke hated the fact that she had to spend Thanksgiving this year without him, that her life was simply going on without him in it.
Footsteps raced over to where Clarke lay, and she tried to wipe at her face, but it was too late. Whoever was standing above her had obviously already seen her tears. She had only made it more obvious by trying to wipe them away.
"Lexa?" Bellamy called out warily, clearly unsure what to do, and the brunette in question was dropping down beside Clarke in an instant, removing her helmet and fixing concerned green eyes onto blue.
"Are you okay, Clarke? Where does it hurt?"
The blonde knew that she should feel slightly good about how upset Lexa seemed right now because it was another confirmation that Lexa loved her, but she couldn't bring herself to do anything more than place her hand over her heart. Lexa's eyes widened for a moment before understanding dawned in them, and she quickly helped Clarke to her feet. She placed Clarke's arm around her shoulders and wrapped her own around the blonde's waist, making it appear as if Clarke really was injured as she turned her eyes out to meet the questioning gazes of their housemates. "I'm taking her back to the house. She's probably fine, but I want to make sure."
"Aw, come on, Clarkey," Raven teased. "Don't let a little tumble take you out."
Clarke couldn't see the look that Lexa shot Raven over the blonde's head, but it did the trick because Raven promptly closed her mouth, nodding to the pair as they made their way off the field. Once they were no longer in sight of their housemates, Lexa released her hold on Clarke, no longer needing to put up the pretense that the blonde was physically injured. She didn't say a word though, allowing the two of them to remain in silence on their walk back to the house. Clarke clasped Lexa's hand in hers, squeezing gently in silent thanks.
When Clarke and Lexa got back into their room, after having returned their football gear to the gym, Clarke immediately collapsed on her bed, leaning against the headboard and looking very much like she wanted to cry. Lexa wondered if the blonde was waiting for her to leave, but she figured that Clarke probably would not hesitate to tell her that if that was what she wanted. Lexa carefully closed the distance between them, going slowly to give Clarke time to ask her to leave. She sunk down onto the edge of her roommate's bed when the other girl did not. Lexa rubbed a hand up and down Clarke's shin, hoping that the effect was somewhat comforting for her girlfriend.
"You want to tell me what happened out there?" Lexa asked, after several minutes had gone by in silence.
Clarke sniffled, her lower lip trembling as she seemed to war with herself internally about whether or not she actually wanted to talk about whatever it was that had bothered her. Lexa was about to assure her roommate that she would not be offended in the slightest if the blond girl wanted her to leave. She would understand if the girl needed space right now, but Clarke was talking before she could. "I hit my funny bone out there on the field, and it made me think of my dad. He used to flip out over every injury I ever got, even if it was minor. Once I started thinking about him, I couldn't stop, and I thought of the fact that it's Thanksgiving, and he's not here. I wanted nothing more than for him to run in from the sidelines to fuss over me, and I wish that I hadn't hated it so much when I was younger. I should have appreciated every single moment that I had with him."
"Clarke, don't." Lexa reached out to wipe away the few tears that had escaped from their blue prison cells. "There was no way that you could have known that anything was going to happen to your dad. If he did something annoying, then it was okay for you to be annoyed by it, especially if you were only a kid. He cared about you, Clarke, so much, and that's what you need to remember. I'm sure that there were plenty of ways that you showed him that you cared about him, too."
Lexa thought guiltily about the smashed picture frame that had taken up permanent residence in her roommate's nightstand drawer. She felt sick that she had broken something that was so important to the blonde, and she wished that she could forever erase that memory from Clarke's mind. Lexa knew that Clarke didn't hold the incident against her because of how much she had been hurting at the beginning of the school year, but that certainly did not excuse her actions. Clarke should hate her for ruining something that was obviously so valuable, for almost ruining their entire relationship, and she was extremely grateful that Clarke was able to love her so much, even if it was hard for her to see how sometimes.
"Listen, Clarke, there's nothing that we can do to change the past," Lexa continued quietly. "All I know is that your father wouldn't want you to be hung up on the memory of him on Thanksgiving when there's no way that he can be here with you. He would want you to be happy, especially on days like this, when you still have so much that you can be thankful for." Lexa paused for a moment, reaching out to cup Clarke's cheek and draw gentle patterns there with her thumb. "I know this because a wise blond girl once told me something similar about Costia. She was right."
Clarke's eyes widened in awe, and Lexa didn't miss the flicker of affection that was coloring the blue. "Thanks, Lexa."
Lexa also did not miss the way that the blonde's lips had not ceased their trembling since the two girls had arrived in the room. "You know, that girl also told me once that it was better to let my tears out when I needed to than to try and hold them in. She was right about that, too."
The blonde finally allowed herself to release her tears at Lexa's words, sobs tearing up from her chest and escaping through her mouth. Lexa wanted nothing more than to pull Clarke into her, but something told her that her roommate would not like that very much. If Clarke wanted to be held, then she would have collapsed against Lexa by now. Lexa might like to be held when she was upset, but it was clear to her that Clarke preferred to cry alone, so the brunette racked her brain for a different way that she might be able to comfort her girlfriend. When Lexa had nightmares in the mornings, Clarke seemed to draw almost as much comfort from holding Lexa as the brunette drew from being held, and she wondered if Clarke might like to hold her now. She supposed that she might as well give it a try because anything was better than watching helplessly while Clarke fell to pieces. She tentatively leaned her head against Clarke's chest, hoping that she would not further upset the blonde.
The moment that Lexa's head made contact with Clarke's chest, the blonde wrapped her arms tightly around her girlfriend, pinning the other girl against her. Lexa instantly felt trapped, and she wanted nothing more than to fight her way out of the choking grasp, but she forced herself to remain still. Images of her stepfather grabbing her in his tight inescapable grip flooded through her mind, and she took deep breaths to try and calm her racing heart. She was not about to be thrown into a wall or get the living daylights beaten out of her. This was Clarke, and the blonde was not going to hurt her, would never hurt her. Besides, she had put this poor girl through hell. The least she could do for her was endure this sudden feeling of panic that bubbled up inside of her in order to ease her girlfriend's pain.
Lexa wrapped her own arms around Clarke's waist, keeping herself soft and relaxed so as to be as comforting as she could. If Clarke had done this a few months ago, Lexa would have squirmed out of her grasp immediately, would have been unable to force herself to stay. She managed a small smile of satisfaction at the fact that she hadn't even flinched away. She definitely did not like it, the blonde's grip so different than the comforting one that she usually used when holding Lexa, but at least the brunette was able to manage it. Clarke cried into Lexa's hair for several minutes, and Lexa rubbed her girlfriend's back in an attempt to be as soothing as possible.
When Clarke's sobs finally started to die down, her grip on Lexa mercifully loosened, and the brunette relaxed into Clarke's now comforting grip. She waited for Clarke to speak, but the blonde said nothing, so Lexa allowed her to have the silence. The quiet stretched on for so long as the two girls held each other that Lexa felt herself drifting off to sleep when Clarke let out a chuckle above. Out of all of the things that Lexa had expected her girlfriend to do when she finally broke the silence, she had to admit that chuckling was not one of them, and she wondered if she had simply dreamt the noise. She turned her inquisitive green eyes up to meet humor-filled blue.
"Your hair smells like sweet potatoes," Clarke explained with another laugh.
"Shut up." Lexa playfully rolled her eyes, trying to scowl, but she knew that it came out as more of a smile at the knowledge that Clarke was obviously feeling much better.
"You need a shower." Clarke ran her hand over the portion of Lexa's hair that was stained red.
Lexa shot her a mischievous smirk. "Wanna join?"
Clarke raised an eyebrow. "We're taking things slow, remember? Besides, do you really think that you can handle being around my bare breasts without at least wanting to touch them?"
Lexa brusquely shook her head, trying her best to keep her eyes from falling down to the aforementioned body parts. She had meant to arouse Clarke a little bit to tease her, but the blonde had taken it in stride, completely turning it around on Lexa so that she was the one who was left with her mouth dry.
"Point taken," she said, cringing at the husky sound of her own voice.
Lexa leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to Clarke's lips before sliding from the bed, shaking off her brief bout of arousal as she headed to the shower. She finally understood how Clarke must have felt when helping her through all of the pain that she had been dealing with at the beginning of the year, how providing that comfort might have helped the blonde to further get over her father's death. Helping Clarke through the pain of her sorrowful memories today made Lexa feel like her life actually had purpose, like she could finally give back to Clarke, for once. It made her feel like she might not be so worthless, after all.
Clarke simply sat on her bed for several minutes after Lexa had left, trying to work up the courage to get out her phone while her girlfriend was in the shower. She wanted to call her mom to wish her a happy Thanksgiving, but she also had a very important question to ask that was setting her nerves on edge. Still, she wanted to do it while Lexa was not in the room, so she pulled out her phone and dialed.
"Hello?" Her mother answered after the second ring.
"Hey, Mom. Happy Thanksgiving!"
"Happy Thanksgiving, sweetheart," Abby said warmly. "You sound like you've had some fun today. How has your day been so far?"
"Great. We helped Indra cook our Thanksgiving meal, and then we went outside to play football."
"Football?" Abby sounded interested, probably wondering how on earth Clarke's friends had even talked her into playing. "How did that go?"
Clarke contemplated on lying and telling her mother that it had gone off without a hitch, but, in the end, she chose to be truthful. She never was very good at keeping things from her mother. "I didn't do much, but when I did get the ball, this one girl tackled me, and I hit my funny bone. It made me think of Dad and the way that he would always make such a big fuss over every little injury."
"He was always so ridiculous with that," Abby said, unable to keep the humor out of her tone, "but I suppose that was only because he cared about you so much." Her tone took on a more serious note. "How did you handle that? Were you okay?"
"I am now," Clarke said. "I was pretty upset when it happened though. Lexa took me back to the house."
Abby's tone seemed to tense a bit at the mention of Lexa. "I take it that you and Lexa are doing alright, then?"
"She's been perfect, Mom. She took me to see Taylor Swift last weekend, and it was amazing. Then, she brought me breakfast in bed the next morning," Clarke gushed, trying not to cringe at how lovesick she sounded. "She's been really good to me lately."
Abby's tone softened at the news. "Well, it's great to hear you sounding so happy again. I'm glad you're doing so well."
Clarke cleared her throat then, knowing that it was as good a time as ever to bring up the question that she had been dying to know the answer to. She figured she might as well get it out before her roommate came back. "Mom, I have a question to ask you, and you're probably not going to like it, but I want you to know that it's really important to me."
"Have you been drinking again?" Abby asked warily.
"No, Mom." Clarke was quick to shut down that train of thought. "It's nothing like that. I promise."
"What is it?" Abby asked, now more curiously than anything.
"Can Lexa come home with me over winter break?" Clarke asked quickly, screwing her eyes shut tight, as if that would prevent her from seeing her mother's reaction, even though she couldn't see Abby at all.
"I don't know about that, Clarke." Abby's tone shifted back to a stiffer one.
"Please, Mom," Clarke begged. "She obviously can't go back to live with her own parents, and I want her to be somewhere where she can be loved and feel like she belongs, especially over the holidays."
"I don't think that's such a good idea," Abby persisted, and Clarke's face fell. "I don't have any idea how to take care of Lexa."
Irritation boiled up in Clarke at the statement. "She's not a child. She can take care of herself. If anything happens, then I promise you that I know how to help her." Tears began to well up in Clarke's eyes, and she kept on talking, willing to do anything that it took to make her mother see that Lexa wasn't a bad person. "She helps me, too, Mom. In a way that I don't think anyone else can. I never told you this because I didn't want to make you feel bad, but I always hated it when you, or anyone really, would hug me when I was upset. The only person that I wanted to be held by was Dad, and if anyone else did it, it just felt like they were pitying me or trying to replace him. I never told Lexa that this upset me either, but somehow, she already knew. She didn't even try to hug me when I started sobbing earlier. She let me hold her."
She let that sink in for a moment before continuing. "I didn't even realize how comforting it was for me to hold somebody else when I was upset, or maybe it only works if it's her, I don't know, but I felt so much better when I was holding her. It made me feel like she knew that she could never be the person that I really wanted in that moment, but she was still there for me, and I liked that. God, I must have squeezed her guts out. She must have been so uncomfortable, but she didn't even complain. She just let me hold her until I didn't need to anymore."
Abby was silent for several long seconds, taking in the gravity of what Clarke had just told her. "Where would she sleep?" Abby finally asked. "You don't even have a double bed, Clarke, and I'm redoing the guest room right now."
"Lexa won't mind sharing," Clarke said easily, sounding way too confident, and she wanted to slap herself for letting such a stupid thing fly out of her mouth without even thinking first.
"And just how do you know this?" Abby asked skeptically. "Have you two been sharing a bed at school?"
Clarke wanted nothing more than to deny it, but she knew that there was no point. Her mother already knew the answer because of Clarke's loose lips. "Yes, we have."
"Clarke, have you been sleeping with Lexa?"
The directness of the question stunned the blonde, and she was silent for a moment before she found her voice again. "Yes. I just said that." There was no way that she wasn't going to deny this one, even though her approach probably hadn't been the smartest one.
"That's not what I meant, Clarke." The blonde could picture the scowl that her mother was more than likely wearing on the other end of the phone.
The blonde knew that she had been caught, but there was still no way that she was going to say it. "And I'm choosing not to answer that question."
"Clarke, I'm your mother. I deserve to know," Abby argued.
The blonde did not think that her mother had any right to know about her sex life, but she did not say as much to Abby. Instead, she racked her brain for anything else that she might be able to say to deflect the question. However, all rational thought flew out the window when Lexa walked in, her hair still wet from her shower, wearing nothing but a black bathrobe. Clarke's eyes darkened at the sight, and she wondered for a moment if maybe she shouldn't be so intent on taking things slow. Lexa saw that Clarke was on the phone, so she didn't try to talk to the blonde, but she did wander over to sit beside her on the bed, her head taking up residence on Clarke's chest. The blonde tried not to think about the fact that Lexa was wearing nothing under that bathrobe.
Clarke suddenly found her mother's question much more humorous now that her girlfriend had returned, and she felt the urge to inform the brunette about what she and her mother had been discussing. "My mom's asking me if we've been sleeping together."
Lexa stiffened for a moment, blushing beet red, and Abby began to ask who her daughter was talking to when Lexa burst out into a fit of giggles, finding the entire thing much more humorous than Clarke originally had. Come to think of it though, Lexa had always been more open about their sex life. Clarke couldn't help herself from joining in on the laughter, absentmindedly running her hand up and down her girlfriend's arm.
"And what are you going to tell her?" Lexa lifted her head to look up at the blonde with a smirk.
"The truth?" Clarke suggested, feeling much braver now that Lexa had joined her.
Green eyes widened slightly in surprise, but the brunette spoke no words, so Clarke took that as her cue to answer. "We have slept together, Mom, yes, but not for quite some time."
Abby let out a long sigh. "I guess I'm not going to prevent you from sleeping with people, Clarke, even though I wish that I could forever. At least you can't get pregnant with Lexa." Clarke's face was growing redder by the second as her mother talked. "Just be sure to stay safe. I'm actually sort of glad that you're in a monogamous relationship with a girl. Especially since something tells me that Lexa's not the first person that you've ever slept with."
"I'm not answering any more questions about my sex life, Mom," Clarke groaned. "I will tell you that Lexa is the first person that I have ever loved, and you can take that however you want."
"Fine. Fine, I'll stop," Abby relented.
"So, the answer?" Clarke asked, traces of her nervousness creeping back into her tone. "To that question I asked you earlier?"
"We can try it," Abby said, "but if she's too hard to handle, she goes home, okay?"
"It's a deal, Mom. Thank you," Clarke said, feeling more relieved than ever.
After a few more minutes of conversation, Clarke finally got off of the phone, finding herself both nervous and excited to tell Lexa the news. The brunette stayed silent, so Clarke decided not to tell her right away, instead allowing the two of them to revel in the feeling of the other pressed against them. Clarke began combing her fingers through Lexa's wet hair, and Lexa sighed in contentment at the feeling that she loved so much.
"Does my hair smell better now?" she asked, after several seconds, with a playful grin.
Clarke took a deep inhale of Lexa's fruity shampoo, smiling at the familiar sweet scent. "Yes, it smells very good, and the color is back to brown, so that's another plus."
Lexa rolled her eyes, but she couldn't quite keep a smile from touching her lips. "I thought red suited me."
"I like your hair just the way it is, Lexa," Clarke said sincerely.
Lexa smiled, and Clarke asked a question she had been curious about for some time. "How did you know that it would help me to hold you?"
"Just a feeling, really," Lexa answered with a shrug. "You didn't fall into my arms, so I figured that you must not like to be held."
Clarke nodded. "Did I hurt you?"
Lexa chewed on her lip. "You didn't hurt me, Clarke. I was afraid, but I was fine. I could handle it for you."
Clarke's heart swelled at the statement, Lexa smiling back at her, and Clarke couldn't keep the outcome of her conversation with her mother to herself for a moment longer. "I asked my mom if you could come home with us for winter break."
The small smile fell away from Lexa's features, and suddenly, she was the one who was nervous. "What did she say?"
"Well, I had to argue with her for a while," Clarke admitted, "but she said yes."
"She did?" Lexa asked in slight disbelief, daring to hope as she pulled back to look at Clarke with bits of excitement swirling in her green eyes.
"She did," Clarke confirmed with a wide grin.
Lexa's lips were on Clarke's a moment later, and even though the kiss was chaste and not nearly long enough, Clarke relished every second of it. As she tangled her fingers in brunette curls, she thought that she might finally understand what Lexa had been talking about when she had said that Clarke was her home.