Let me start out by saying, I got a fiendish delight out of all of your responses. Oh yee of little faith...my own readers don't trust their author, it brings a tear to the eye.
Time Reviewer- Your review made me laugh the hardest. I'm sorry, but it was hilarious! I'll understand if you still want to hurl cats at me, but it was hysterical. I guess it's safe to say you care more about Sherlock's love life than he does.
ENTWolf- Thank you for your very kind words
Librasmile- I am so glad that Sherlock had you to hold him and comfort him during this time of crisis :):):)
Rocking the RedHead- Thanks for deciding not to hate me
To all my other lovely reviewers and followers, you guys are so awesome and you are all why I keep going!
RATING M- Scene of violence
Chapter 18
Molly awoke with a start. She stretched her arms over her head and shook the sleep from her eyes. She stretched her legs out and that is when she felt something hard against her foot. She sat up straight and shrieked. Sherlock Holmes sat cross legged at the foot of her bed watching her intently.
"Sherlock?" She squeaked. "You scared me. What are you doing in here?"
"Watching you sleep." He said
Molly frowned. "Why?"
"Because you're beautiful and I like to look at you." He said simply
Molly flushed and looked away. "Well please stop…it's unnerving the way you look at me."
"Do you love him or was that just much needed shag, as John calls it?" Sherlock asked pointedly
"What?" She asked softly.
"Do you have feelings for him or did you just need…him." Sherlock asked softly
Molly bristled, pulling her gown tighter around her neck. "Sherlock I don't see how that is your business."
Sherlock ignored her tone and continued. "I love you Molly. Do you still love me?"
Molly looked away, unable to meet his eyes. She heard Sherlock sigh deeply and felt him weight leave the bed, only to feel it pressing down on the mattress again when he sat down beside her. "Can't you at least give me that Molly?"
"Yes Sherlock I love you and probably always will, but it doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters!" He snapped. "It means everything! Why do you keep pretending that it doesn't? What are you so afraid of? That I'll change my mind? That my work will be more important to me than you? What is it about Troy that makes you feel so fucking safe?"
Molly stared at him a moment, surprised by the vulgarity of his speech. "I…he…he is sweet and gentle. He listens to me Sherlock. He asks me what I think and he cares about my opinion. He talks with me, shares things with me, he lets me in Sherlock. He doesn't push me away or treat me as I have nothing to offer. He respects me and he wants to know what I think. He holds me when I cry and tries to comfort me. He wants to spend time with me, he enjoys my company. He just…he gives me what I need."
"And you believe that I can't?" Sherlock asked
"Why should I think you could? Or that you would even want to?"
"Molly I do want to and I believe that I could, but I need your help. I'm not used to these feelings that I am having. They make me uncomfortable and confuse me, but I want to try…for you…please give me a chance Molly."
"I can't Sherlock. I am so afraid of what you could do to me…you could shatter me with only a word."
Sherlock looked down at his hands and played with his fingers nervously. He was struggling, Molly could see it in his features. Slowly, he raised his eyes and gazed at her.
"When I jumped from the roof Molly…my last thoughts were of those that I held so close to my heart, John, Mrs. Hudson, Mycroft, and Lestrade…and you…you most of all because although I had never allowed myself to tell the others what they meant to me, they at least knew, in their hearts that I cared for them, but you. I knew that you truly had no idea what you meant to me, what you mean to me and it caused me such pain…the ache in my heart made it easier to jump just so that I could make it stop." He paused, emotion breaking through in his voice.
He swallowed hard and took a breath to steady himself. "It hurt me, took my breath away, to know that you may never know how I truly felt. Because although I survived the fall, I didn't know if I would survive hunting Moriarty's men down. What if I died and you never knew? What if you went the rest of your life never believing that you counted? But then I did come back and I did survive and I was too much of a coward to say anything and I was angry. I was angry that I felt things for you that I didn't want to feel. I was angry that I felt vulnerable and so much more."
He reached out, tracing his finger down her cheek. "But then you changed and I knew that something had happened to you. I really believed that you would come to me and tell me, that you would ask me for help and you didn't. So I thought it best to feign indifference because I knew you were trying to keep something from me…from all of us." He shook his head and laughed softly. "I know you Molly, like I know the back of my own hand. I knew what you were doing. You're so gentle and self sacrificing. I knew in some way, you probably thought you were protecting us from whatever it was you were going through. And then I realized that you went away to protect John, Mrs. Hudson, and Lestrade, but not me. You left me because you believed that I didn't care, that you meant nothing and that is almost as painful as the thought of me dying without ever telling you how I felt. I had to come for you. I had to try and make you see, even if I royally blundered it up, which I knew I would."
Molly smiled at him, squeezing his hand in hers.
"And I have haven't I? Blundered it?" He asked softly
"Yes Sherlock." Molly said gently. "But I wouldn't have expected anything else from you." She teased.
Sherlock looked into her eyes and was relieved to see the lightness and warmth in them.
"Molly, do you think you could try to let me prove to you how I feel…even though you are afraid, could you give me a chance? John is trying to help me to behave in a more…less obnoxious way."
Molly giggled. "Yes, Greg informed me that should I be willing to give you a chance, that he and John would take you under their wings and teach you how to woo a woman properly."
"Lestrade…" Sherlock scoffed. He reached out and took both her hands in his. "Can you give me a chance?"
"Sherlock, I care for Gavin, you have to accept that. You have to stop being dreadful to him and treat him with the respect he deserves. Do you think you can do that?"
Sherlock frowned. "I suppose if I must."
"And can you understand my need for time to adjust to this Sherlock? Can you give me the chance to truly get to know you and see who you really are without trying to force this to happen?"
"Yes Molly."
"And can you be willing to be the man that I need in my life? A man who appreciates me and will treat me as his intellectual equal and include me in all aspects of his life as I would for him?"
He smiled. "Yes Molly. I already consider you my equal and I have always respected you. And I swear to you that I will try to prove to you that I appreciate you."
"And will you be there to comfort me and hold me if I need it instead of choosing to ignore it because it makes you uncomfortable? Can you be emotionally strong for me as I would try to be for you?"
Sherlock swallowed hard. "It will be difficult for me to show you how I feel and to talk about my feelings with you, but I swear I will try to never shut you out. I will comfort you and hold you anytime you need Molly."
"Then yes Sherlock, I can give you a chance…us a chance, but I am still going to see Gavin. I need you to understand that. I can't just shut him out of my life."
The muscle in Sherlock's jaw twitched. Molly raised her brow at him, daring him to say something, but he didn't.
They both sat side by side, quietly for several minutes until Sherlock spoke again. "Did you enjoy…being with him?"
Molly smiled gently at him, holding his hands. "Yes Sherlock, it felt wonderful and I needed it. It had been so long since I had experienced any kind of intimacy in my life. And with everything that has been happening, I just needed to escape, I needed a quick rough, mind blowing shag…to just make all of this go away, even for a little while. Does that make sense?"
Though Sherlock didn't really understand the need for such a thing, he knew it was a common thing sometimes. John had spoken to Sherlock about it on many occasions, with John having his own share of one night stands before Sarah. John's previous words from the night before rang loudly in Sherlock's mind. Maybe she just needed good shag and Gavin happened to be there, I don't know Sherlock.
"So you used him?" Sherlock asked confused.
"In a way, yes, I guess I did. We are mutually attracted to one another and the excitement of meeting someone new is still fresh between us and I knew he wanted me…I just needed to feel wanted…I just kissed him and shoved him into the wall and it sort of escalated."
"You could've shoved me into the wall." He sniffed.
"No Sherlock I couldn't. I trust Gavin, he has been open and honest with me from the beginning. You on the other hand, you bloody wanker, have been less that obliging. Besides, your ego would never allow me to shove you into the wall, you'd be the one to have to shove me into the wall."
He nodded. "Yes, that is true. But promise me Molly, promise me that there will be no more shoving of any kind into walls until we figure this out…figure us out."
Molly nodded. "I can do that."
Molly yawned and looked at the time. It was 7:30, still early. She lay back on the mattress, pulling Sherlock with her. She snuggled down into the duvet and against his side. He placed his arm around her, pulling her closer and tucking her into him. He kissed the top of her head before resting his chin there. They laid like this in silence, listening to one another breath until sleep overtook them both.
Gavin came in and out of consciousness. He had lost count of how many times Seb had hit him. He didn't know why Moriarty didn't just kill him, but he hadn't. In fact, when Seb had pulled his gun and was about to end his life, Moriarty suddenly sprang up and told him to stop.
"Leave him be for awhile Seb" Moriarty had said
Now Gavin was sitting alone in a darkened room with only tiny cracks of light from under the door to help him get his bearings. His hair was matted to his forehead from the blood and he could imagine how he must look. He wondered if Barnaby would even recognize him. He tugged at the ties at his wrists, trying to see if they would give at all and of course, they did not budge. The ties continued to cut into his skin. He could feel the dried blood flaking on his skin as well as the fresh blood that continued to ooze from the wounds.
He turned his head towards the door when he heard voices and suddenly the door was thrown open. "Why are we on babysitting duty?" One man snapped
"Because Moran has gone into town to grab that little twat that the boss is so smitten with."
"Well where did the boss go?" The other man asked.
"I don't know Jacob, it's not my business anymore than it is yours. Not stop asking questions and help me get this bloke to the loo like the boss wanted."
Gavin felt the ties on his wrists being cut away as well as the ties on his ankles. He was hoisted up by each of his arms by the two men. Gavin gasped in pain, noticing for the first time the shape of his ribs.
"Come on Sergeant, the boss don't want you pissing all over her Persian rug." Jacob sneered at him.
As they dragged him out of the room and into the hall, the light caused a sharp pain to his eyes and head. He crumpled onto his knees to the floor. One of the men jerked him violently back onto his feet. Gavin, bloodied, bruised, and in excruciating pain took his chance. He jabbed his elbow with as much force as he could muster into the man's side. The man howled in pain and let him go. Gavin braced himself for Jacob's attack which came instantly.
Jacob shoved him face first into the wall. Gavin slammed his head back into his face busting the man's nose. Gavin took off running, barely able to see through the blood seeping into his eyes. When he reached the stairs, the other man was on him in a flash, brining him down on to the floor. Gavin twisted his body and grabbed hold of the man around his waist. Gavin used his foot to push off the guard rail and sent the both of them spiraling down the steps. Gavin knew he could've broken his own neck, but since he was dead anyways if he did not get away, he felt it was worth the risk.
They both slammed into the bottom of the stairs and to Gavin's luck, he feel on top of the man. There was a sickening crunch as the made bellowed in pain and then there was silence. Gavin wiped the blood from his eyes and looked down. The man's face was contorted with pain, his eyes wide open in shock and his neck had been broken, twisted in the most ghastly way.
Gavin heard the footsteps of Jacob on the stairs. He was almost upon Gavin when Jacob cried out in pain. Gavin crawled a few feet away and stood, whirling around to see what was happening. Jacob was twirling round and round, screaming, clutching at something on his face. Gavin couldn't see because Jacob hadn't turned towards him. Jacob cried out again, his screams were sickening. He turned towards Gavin.
Gavin's eyes opened wide. "Bloody hell…Toby?"
The massive orange and white cat was firmly attached to Jacob's face and head. Gavin could actually see Toby's claws protruding from the pads of his little paws and tearing at Jacob's skin. With a great heave and another agonizing scream, Jacob wretched Toby off him and slung him into a corner. Toby hissed and righted himself, charging Jacob again.
For a moment, Gavin was afraid Jacob would kick him away, but then he saw the damage. Toby had blinded him. Jacob's skin was torn in several places on his face, blood spurting from the wounds. His eyelids had been ripped and one of his eyebrows had been bitten and torn nearly off. That is when Gavin noticed the extent of the damage to his eye sockets. It was such a bloody mess, Gavin could barely see his eyes, but when he did, his face grimaced.
One of his eyeballs was protruding from the socket, while the other had been ripped to shreds. Jacob screamed again when Toby pounced on his leg, his claws ripping at the skin there. Gavin shook himself from the shock of seeing what was happening in front of him, ran to Jacob and snatched Toby off him. Toby reached his furry little arms out, snapping and striking at air, trying to wiggle away from Gavin to continue his attack.
Gavin turned and ran towards the closest door, jerking it open, and darting outside, ignoring the pain from his ribs that was threatening to overtake him.
"Oi! You stop!" A male voice called behind Gavin, but he didn't. He pushed through his pain and ran even harder and faster. He was dangerously wounded and unarmed. He knew that if he stopped now, Moriarty would certainly kill him when he returned.
Gavin still struggled to see from the blood in his eyes and he fought against the dizziness and nauseas of the blood loss. Gavin managed to reach the main road and ran into the oncoming traffic. He heard a loud thump behind him and a car screeching to a halt.
"What the bloody hell is this?" The man said jumping from his car. "Hey, you're they bloke we kidnapped. Get back here!"
The man ran at Gavin, who had managed to run to the other side of the stalled car. Thinking quickly and instinctively, Gavin opened the passenger door, tossed Toby inside, and reached down take the gun from the man that had been chasing him and was hit by the car. Gavin had just freed it from the holster when the driver tackled him. He knocked Gavin to the ground, knocking the gun from his hand. The driver straddled Gavin and reached over to pick the gun up off the ground when Gavin heard a ferocious yowl and the driver screamed.
Gavin stared in amazement as Toby had attacked again. His claws imbedded deeply into the man's face as the fat fluffy cat hung on for dear life. Gavin brought his knee up and rammed it into the man's back. The man yelped and rolled off Gavin. Toby, satisfied with the job he had done, simply jumped free from the man and jumped back into the car to wait for Gavin.
Gavin grabbed the gun and hit the driver on the side of his head knocking him out. Not wasting anytime, despite the difficulty in staying conscious, Gavin got some twine form the trunk and hog tied the man, lifting him and putting him in the back seat. Gavin shut the passenger side door and climbed into the driver's side.
"Thanks mate…" He said stroking Toby, who was curled into a comfortable ball on the seat, purring loudly.
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