Chapter 2
Nora thrust the bar over her head, held it there for a second, then let it drop to the floor. Training was going pretty well, except for her aching knee. When she had arrived at the weight room there had been a few others, but they soon moved to the far corners and left Nora alone. She shook out her leg to try to get her knee to stop hurting. It did not work, but that was not going to stop her. She would just ignore it. Nora repeated the exercise and dropped the bar again. The pain in her knee was sharper. It was annoying, but nothing she could not handle.
Having finished practicing for the snatch portion of the competition, Nora prepared for the clean and jerk. She put more weight on the bar and secured it in place. She lifted the bar, held it below her chin for a moment, then pushed it up over her head. Her knee pain spiked again but she was able to push through. After holding it for a few seconds she let the weights drop. Now, more weight. She would match her qualifications-leading weight of 150 kg. The closest competitor had been at just 147, so matching her earlier performance would probably be enough for gold.
Nora stood before the bar. She took a deep breath and bent down, gripping the metal. She hefted it to her waist, then to a position close to her shoulders, tucked under her chin. She took another deep breath. With a grunt she thrust the bar over her head. The pain in her knee exploded, turning her grunt into a pained scream. Pain overwhelmed her brain, even as she tried to force herself through. It felt like a knife was being stabbed into her leg. Finally it could take no more and her knee buckled.
Nora toppled onto her side as the weights clattered to the floor. She clutched her knee, whining in pain and rolling back and forth on the mat. "You won't win the gold like that." A voice said.
"Who's there?!" Nora cried. She stopped writhing and looked around. She could see no one.
"You're useless." The voice said. "The only thing you could do was lift heavy stuff, and now you can't even do that. Pathetic."
"Stop!" Nora shouted. "I'm not useless! I can do this!" She struggled to her feet, facing the source of the noise. There was a female athlete on the far side of the room who was looking at her, but the voice was a man's.
"No you can't." The voice continued. "You'll never do anything worthwhile. Now you don't just have a broken brain, you have a broken body. You're useless!"
"Shut up!" Nora screamed. She grabbed the rack of weights before her and flipped it over, sending hundreds of kilograms of metal spilling to the floor. "I'm not useless!" She staggered to a machine in the direction of the voice, grabbed it and tipped it onto its side. "I'm not broken!" Nora grabbed a heavy barbell and threw it, shattering the mirror that lined the wall and cracking the cinderblock behind it. The one other person in the weight room screamed and ran out. Nora snapped out of her rage. She stood alone, surrounded by the carnage she had wrought.
Ren walked through the halls, carrying a big bottle of water. It was not for him but for Nora. She had not asked him for it, but he knew she was training and suspected she might forget to bring her own. As he neared the weight room a terrified-looking woman turned the corner in front of him, sprinting toward him. He recognized her as another member of the Vale team, a wrestler named Octavia Ember. He held out his arm. "What's going on?" He asked.
Octavia slid to a stop in front of him. "Some chick's freaking out!" She yelled. "She's trashing the weight room!"
Ren nodded and rushed forward. When he arrived at the weight room he did not find a madwoman trashing the place, just Nora, sitting on the floor crying, surrounded by the results of her rampage. Nora looked up at Ren. "I'm sorry." She said.
"It's okay." Ren said.
"It's not!" Nora cried.
"It is." Ren assured her.
"It hurts." Nora groaned, gesturing toward her swollen knee.
"I know." Ren nodded.
"I'm useless." Nora said.
"You're not." Ren said.
"I'm broken." Nora declared.
"You can heal." Ren encouraged.
"Not enough." Nora sighed.
"Nora." Ren said.
"Ren...I need to win this." Nora said.
"Why?" Ren asked.
"It's all I have." Nora replied. "It's all I'm good for."
"I don't believe that." Ren countered.
"Everyone else does!" Nora cried.
"Well everyone else can fuck off!" Ren shouted.
"Ren." Nora gasped. "You...yelled. And swore."
"I'm sorry." Ren apologized. "I should better control my temper."
"No, it's alright." Nora said. "I...I'm just surprised. I've never seen you so...animated."
"It's just...you don't deserve to feel this way." Ren declared. "No one does."
"I...I want to lay down." Nora groaned. "Can we...just go?"
Ren offered his hand and Nora took it, allowing him to pull her to her feet. "Alright." He said. "Are you sure you shouldn't go to the trainers?"
"No, I don't want to give them an excuse to pull me from the competition." Nora said. She shifted her weight onto her injured leg, trying to hide her pain as she winced. "See, fine. Let's just go back to the room."
Ren just shook his head. "If that's what you want."
Ren tended to Nora's knee, rubbing ointment on it. "I'm...I'm so ashamed of what I did." Nora groaned. "I just...lost control and I...I'm so sorry."
"It's alright." Ren said. He started wrapping a bandage around Nora's knee. "We all do things we regret."
"Even you?" Nora asked.
"Even me." Ren confirmed.
"Except for you, people aren't exactly...nice to me." Nora sighed. "Most of them run away and the ones that don't...they say terrible things. The only time people show me respect is when I'm out there competing."
"Those people are wrong, and they're not worth worrying about." Ren said. "Everyone is worthy of respect. Even if you never lifted another weight, I'd respect you. I think if people could see the kind, enthusiastic, joyful person you are, they'd feel the same."
"Ren I...thanks." Nora said. "I'm just so worried about losing. This is so important to me. What you said about it not being about winning and losing, how it's about testing your limits and learning, I get it, but how can I test myself when I'm not at my best?"
"Part of testing yourself is persevering, even when you're not your best." Ren replied. He put an ice pack on the outside of the bandages, then wrapped more bandages around that. "But as far as I'm concerned, you have nothing to prove. If you decided to sit out and heal up, it wouldn't make me think any less of you."
"No, I can't do that." Nora said, shaking her head. "I have to at least try."
"You'll be risking hurting yourself more seriously." Ren warned. "We don't even know how badly injured you are."
"I understand." Nora sighed. "But this might be my only chance to compete on this level. This is the Olympics! If I didn't even try, I'm sure I'd always regret it."
"Whatever you decide, I'm with you." Ren said. "I'll be there to cheer you on the whole way."
With just one more opponent left to go Nora was feeling confident. Her knee was still hurting but that had not kept her out of the lead. In the snatch she tied for first at 121 kg. In the clean and jerk, she put up 150 in her penultimate turn. As top qualifier she went last, and now only one competitor remained, Gwen Darcy of Vacuo. To Nora's surprise Gwen stepped up to a bar weighted to 153 kg. But this girl had never lifted more than 147! Nora watched intently as Gwen bent down and grabbed the bar. She stood, pulling it to her waist before hefting it to a spot just under her chin. Then, with a grunt, the bar went over Gwen's head and was held there.
Nora was shocked. 153...no way. Still, she had a chance to respond. She decided to go for 155 kg. She had lifted that much before. Once everything was prepared, Nora stepped up to the bar. She bent down and gripped the metal, then stood, bringing it to her waist. She took a deep breath and wrenched the bar up to her shoulders. Her knee ached, but she ignored it. This was it, her one chance. Nora took another deep breath and with a grunt, thrust the bar over her head. Her vision blurred as pain overwhelmed her. She wobbled, then her knee gave out entirely and she collapsed, the weights clattering to the mat beside her. She had already secured the silver medal, but the gold was gone.
A gasp rose up from the crowd as Nora fell. Ren held his breath. Nora stayed down for a moment as trainers rushed over. She waved them away and forced herself to her feet. With tears in her eyes she waved to the crowd, eliciting applause. Again the trainers tried to help but she shook her head and waved them off. Gwen approached, offering a hand for Nora to shake. Without looking at her opponent, the woman who had just defeated her, Nora shook Gwen's hand and walked away. In obvious pain she limped off, heading for the locker room as the trainers followed.
Ren quickly made his way to the trainers' room. He knew Nora would need him now more than ever. But she was not there. The trainers told him she had refused treatment, gotten dressed, and left. There had been no hysterics, no outburst, not even proper tears. In their words Nora looked "devastated" but no more so than any other athlete who had come so close to victory and fallen so painfully short. In fact, they thought she was taking it pretty well. Ren knew better. He guessed Nora would have headed back to her room. He grabbed a few things from the trainers that Nora would probably need, then rushed there.
Ren reached the room not sure exactly what he would find. He went to knock but as soon as he touched the door it swung open. Inside Nora sat on her bed. She had pushed herself back into the corner, pulling her knees up to her chest. She was wearing shorts and Ren could clearly see that her injured knee was swollen and discolored. Looking past that to her face, he could see that Nora was not crying, though it was clear she was on the edge of tears. Ren slowly closed the door then walked over to Nora's bed. He sat on the edge before carefully sliding beside Nora.
"Nora." Ren said when she did not acknowledge him.
"Hmm?" Nora said.
"You did well." Ren said. He gestured toward her knee. "But you should really see the trainers…"
Nora looked at him, her lower lip quivering. "I failed." She groaned.
"You did your best." Ren encouraged. "I'm proud of you."
"My best wasn't enough." Nora sighed.
"Nora…" Ren started.
"I tried Ren, I tried to be like you, but it hurts." Nora said as the tears started to flow. "I have nothing else, so I train and I train and I train, and in the end it didn't matter because I couldn't take it and I broke. I always break...one way or another. I hate it. It hurts. I hurt Ren. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt anymore. I just want to be happy. I want to feel good." Nora choked down a sob. She looked Ren in the eyes and forced a smile. She put one hand on his shoulder and the other on his inner thigh. "Can...can you make me feel good Ren? Please? Please Ren, please."
Ren gently brushed Nora's wandering hand away, then pulled her into an embrace. He held her close and lightly kissed her on the forehead. "We all break Nora." Ren said. "Even the strongest of us eventually wear down and break. Even me. But it's important to remember that what is broken can be made whole again, and I promise you Nora, I will do anything it takes to make you whole. No matter how many times you break, I will always be there. I will always help you, and I will always love you."
Nora gasped. "I...I'll always love you too, Ren." She said. "Always."
Ren and Nora sat there for hours, just holding each other. Nora cried on and off for a while, Ren stroking her hair or rubbing her back. She eventually calmed down and Ren was able to convince her to go the the trainers. The swelling and discoloration of her knee was extreme and the trainers decided she needed an MRI. Positioning her leg for the scan was painful but Nora got through it. It turned out she had a partially torn ACL and might need surgery to repair it. With what they had on hand, all the trainers could do was give her a shot to reduce the swelling and numb the pain, and fit a brace to prevent further damage.
Nora was not interested in attending her medal ceremony, but Ren convinced her. Doing everything she could to avoid crying, Nora stood on the second step of the podium and even forced a smile as the silver medal was draped around her neck. She listened as Gwen was declared the winner and the national anthem of Vacuo was played. It felt humiliating. It should have been her. She should have been on the top step. It should have been the national anthem of Vale. She wanted to scream and cry but Nora left without a word.
"I'm proud of you." Ren said when they met up nearby. "That must have been difficult."
"Yeah, it was." Nora sighed. She took the silver medal in her hand and looked at it. "I guess silver is pretty good though. Most people never even get to compete, let alone win a medal." She smiled. "I'll just have to win next time. In four years I'll be even stronger!"
"That's the spirit." Ren said. He hugged Nora. "Just remember, I'll love you even if you never lift another weight."
"Valkyrie!" A female voice called.
Nora pulled away from Ren and spun around. It was Gwen, the gold medalist. She had a big smile on her face and the medal draped around her neck. As Gwen approached all Nora could think of was how she had crushed Nora's dream. Nora might put on a brave face and talk about how there would be other chances, but none of that was guaranteed. This might be Nora's only shot, and Gwen had ruined it. The medal around Gwen's neck was Nora's! Nora balled her fists and tensed up as Gwen approached.
"Congratulations Ms. Darcy." Ren said with a bow.
"Thanks, but I wanted to congratulate Nora." Gwen said. "I heard about your knee. To lift as much as you did with a torn ACL, it's incredible! If you were healthy you would have kicked my ass."
"Wha…" Nora gasped. She let her muscles relax.
"It was an honor competing against you." Gwen said. She held out her hand for Nora to shake. "I hope we can do it again in four years!"
"Y-yeah...th-thanks…" Nora struggled. She reached out her own hand. Gwen took it and shook it.
Gwen smiled and walked away, heading back to celebrate with the other athletes from Vacuo. Nora stood there stunned, her hand floating where Gwen had released it. "Nora, are you okay?" Ren asked.
"N-no." Nora stammered. "I...I...we need to go back to the room."
"Of course." Ren said. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"Just...just be there." Nora replied.
Ren could have asked Nora what was wrong, but he knew she would tell him. He sat on his bed and she on hers, the pair facing one another. "I...I...when Gwen came up to me...I…" Nora struggled.
"You got angry when you saw her." Ren said. "I could tell."
"I wanted to tear her head off!" Nora shouted. "She stole my medal, my dream! I figured she was coming to gloat. But...she...she said such nice things. In my mind I made her a monster, but she's so nice."
"It's alright." Ren said. "It's only natural that we view our rivals as somehow evil."
"But it's more than that." Nora explained. "I wasn't just thinking it. I was ready to punch her! If she'd waited another second before talking...what's wrong with me? It isn't right. It isn't healthy, but that's how my brain works. Looking back I can see the reality. She wasn't out to crush my dream, she was just pursuing her own. I always forget that this isn't my world. This is my life, sure, but I share the world with everyone else. I guess I never really learned to share." Nora shook her head. "The fact that I could think like that, that she was out to get me, to ruin my life, it scares me. I could have done something horrible. I try and try to change it but I can't. I feel like a terrible person. I feel like a monster"
"You're not a monster or a terrible person." Ren said. "You know it's wrong and you want to change for the better. It would be easy to just go on the way things are, but you won't accept that. You want to be better, and that's very admirable. I'll do everything I can to help."
"But what if it's impossible?" Nora sighed. "What if I'm always going to be broken like this?"
"You're not broken." Ren said. "I wish you could believe in yourself."
"You're the only person who ever believed in me for me." Nora said. "You...you make it so maybe I can believe in myself."