Before the chapter starts I wanna thank mulzypops for the review!

Music tip:
Lana Del Rey – Gods and Monsters
youtube: watch?v=FkgMbiVi_3E

For You

Chapter 19:
Over

[two months later]

It had started out so great.

At first there had been their innocent friendship.
Then it had grown into a tension none of them had been able to ignore.
And from tension…
…something more beautiful had been born.

Trust. Love. An unbreakable bond. Attraction.

They had cried together, loved each other in ways they would never forget and introduced the other to what was most important for them. Family. The closest friends. Their secrets and wishes.

And then, amid their endless happiness, something ugly had awoken.
Mistrust.

He still tried to figure out how exactly it had come to this, but as Mitch sat alone at the kitchen table in front of an untouched glass water, his thoughts always went back to the events of this morning. Some weeks ago they would've woken up in the embrace of the other with a content and happy feeling.
Instead they had barely exchanged a word and just a short kiss, before they had started their day separately. Of course it was due to their latest argument, which had started with a simple discussion about their future on YouTube.

Mitch knew that they had to talk about it, but with all the negative feelings between them and the lurking memory of Alesa in the back of his mind he doubted that now would be an ideal moment.
Nonetheless he had no other chance than addressing it today. Both had a lot of plans and places to be in the next few weeks and it would only harm their relationship, if they would let it unaddressed.

He grabbed the glass and drank a sip.
Then Mitch stood up, took a deep breath and left the kitchen.

"Can I talk to you for a second?"
Even though Mitch's voice had been low and anxious, Ty and Jason immediately stopped their conversation and looked to the Canadian, who only had eyes for Adam. The tension in the room was sensible for all of them, but they weren't used to it. Usually everyone got along quiet well, but the icy look between the two lovers made the rest of the present group leave without complaining. As soon as the door was closed, Adam stood up from his seat on the couch and put his mobile phone on the table.

"What is it now?"
His voice was a tad too annoyed for Mitch's liking and he suppressed the urge to snap back at him. "We should talk. But… without bitching at each other."

Adam took a deep breath, avoided Mitch's look and then nodded, while staring aimlessly in the direction of the TV. "Fine." He sat back down again and crossed his arms in front of his chest, as if he tried to protect himself. Instead of sitting down by his side Mitch chose the couch opposite of his boyfriend.

"I can play this game, too, Adam. If you think I'm going to back down-"
"I thought you wanted to do this without bitching?"
"I'm not – I just point your bitching out."

A bittersweet smile, Adam refused to reply and simply raised an eyebrow.
"So. You know of my plans and understandably wanted some time to think about it. You had nearly a week. What do you say?"

Adam took his time to reply and Mitch interpreted it as a good sign. It meant that Adam wanted to choose his words carefully and didn't want to start raging again about Mitch's plan to make his channel completely suitable for a younger audience. The hesitant sigh though made Mitch realize that Adam still hadn't made his mind up about it and so Mitch took the opportunity to explain himself.

"We're making videos for Minecraft – a game that is mostly played by a young audience. Some of them are even younger than my brother and I don't want to be a bad influence to them." Before Mitch had the chance to continue, Adam interrupted him.
"Do you really think this is going to work out? I know what you're aiming for, Mitch, don't even try to deny it. Take a look at the comment section – this is not going to get better just with stopping to curse. Even if you do, they'll still watch other videos, other Youtubers who don't care about it."

"I see. So you already made up your mind."
"…what?"
His confusion didn't seem real, but for the sake of it Mitch played along. A tiny smile appeared on his lips, although the humor was missing on his face. "Your words were 'if you do it'. You didn't want to do it from the beginning, did you?"

Silence.

"I am not going to change for your sake, Mitch."
It sounded like an accusation.

"Who said you'd have to change?! Just don't swear all the time, that's not hard. You didn't do it while being at my parents for a whole week and it's not like you pretended to be someone else."

"That's something else and you know it."
"Oh come on, it isn't Adam."
"Of course it is!"

Suddenly things started to heat up again, but this time Mitch didn't stop the conversation. Instead he let Adam jump up from his seat and let him have his own way. Mitch wasn't going to back down, not again, not this time. Adam had to realize that his stubborn way wasn't what solved problems and Mitch would prove it to him, even if they started screaming at each other.

Adam would see it.
He would for the sake of their relationship.

"This is who I am Mitch, people love me for it, with all the swearing and screaming! If I stop behaving like that just to ease your mind, I am going to change. They will be disappointed and leave, because people just can't deal with changes, especially younger ones!"

He was interrupted in his rant by Mitch's laugh.
"You've got to be kidding me, right? Some months ago you actually insulted me for being a money whore, because I was worried about my viewers. Now you're doing the same! What do you expect me to do? I have to change too, Adam. Every time you decide to be pissed about something I said, I have to back down, I have to hold back. Please, Adam, please finally decide on one opinion, because I'm getting sick of this!"

"Oh, don't start blaming me! I never told you to do that! If you're so sick of it, why are you in a relationship with me in the first place?!"
Mitch didn't realize he had stood up as well, until he stepped forward and grabbed Adam's shirt tightly with pure desperation below the anger in his eyes.

"Because I fucking love you, you idiot!"

Another silence filled second.
Adam's sigh.
"I love you, too."

"No," Mitch disagreed and stepped away from him. At least they had stopped screaming, but something else was still lingering in his mind. "No, we are not going to end it this way again Adam, we have to talk about it."
With an angry snort he furrowed his brows and replied, "I'm starting to think that you like to fight and argue every fucking second of our-"

"Don't you even realize?! Just now you've questioned our whole relationship, you've questioned my love for you." His tone changed and slowly Mitch added, "You don't have faith in me. In us. You don't think it could work out."
He sat down on the couch again and stared at Adam with wide open eyes. This was something new. A realization that made his hands shake and his heart clench painfully. He didn't like this feeling at all. Betrayal. Like poison it slowly spread from his brain via his veins to his heart and only spurred on the doubts in his mind. Maybe he was right. Maybe Adam got bored with him and was looking for something new, something uncomplicated…

"It's your own fault."
Mitch's head snapped back up and for a moment he couldn't believe his ears. Usually Adam would have seen it by now, he would've realized that they had pushed each other to a dangerous point. Usually he would've erase Mitch's doubts…
Instead he only added fuel to the flames between them and stared with crossed arms into the garden of the Team Crafted house.

"What did you say?"
Another chance to turn this senseless fight around.
Adam didn't take it.

"Don't you think it's your own fault? I mean, you don't want anyone to know ever, you don't even think our careers would survive that. It's you who don't believe in us, Mitch, it's always been you who questioned our relationship from the beginning."
Somehow Adam's bittersweet smile hurt even more than his words.

"You don't mean that," he tried weakly and stared at his clenched fists. With more fierceness in his voice he added, "I'm not taking the blame for this alone."

"If you hadn't complained all the time I wouldn't have-"
Adam stopped himself and fell silent in a way that raised red flags in Mitch's mind. Carefully he looked up again and started to muster his boyfriend very carefully. Of course he was avoiding Mitch's eyes and from the anger of the argument he still had his fists clenched, but the look in his eyes…
It scared Mitch to death.

"Adam?"
He didn't react.

…oh god no he didn't.

The fear overwhelmed Mitch and was easily mistaken with blind rage.
"It's Alesa, isn't it?!"

Adam awoke from his trance and glanced at Mitch during his reply, but he didn't give up his defensive stance for a single moment. "Oh come on Mitch, you know she is one of my best friends."
"You lied to me about her once already. I know for a fact that she was still living with you when I asked you about it and you denied it. I know for a fact that she still is."

"Stop being so paranoid-"

"Alright."
Adam fell silent and his head snapped back with surprise written all over his pretty brown eyes. Mitch continued with a toneless voice. "Be completely honest with me right here and now, Adam. Tell me that there never was something between you two in all the time we've been together. No feelings, nothing physical… Promise me and I'll back off of the topic regarding Alesa immediately."

Finally he returned Mitch's stern look.
It was completely silent.

Adam opened his mouth to form a reply.
Then he closed it again.
It was enough of an answer and Mitch felt himself grow stiff.

For a painful second he could neither breathe nor feel his heartbeat.
"I can't," Adam whispered.

Something inside of him shattered away – trust. It was unnecessary, because how could he ever trust someone in his life, if even his own boyfriend, the person he gave his heart to, betrayed him and kicked his trust mercilessly over and over again?
"How could you…" he began with a quiet voice that was barely audible, but as Adam tried to raise his own and interfere, the emotions finally came back in form of an endless wave of rage, anger, betrayal and this stupid, stupid love for Adam, drowning Mitch and making him blind.

"You bastard, how could you?!"
His unexpected scream made Adam flinch and now it was his turn to be scarred by the all consuming desperation. "That's it, I'm done," he spat resentfully and turned around to walk past Adam towards the door. "Mitch-" he began but was interrupted not a second later, as Mitch furiously turned around.

"You know what, why do you even bother when I'm too complicated for you? Just go to your whore and do god knows what with her-"

"Don't you dare pulling her further into this than necessary, Mitch! You know what? I enjoyed it!"
Adam's voice banished every thought from his confused mind and Mitch forced his legs to stop. He clenched his fists and his fingernails bored into the skin of his hands, as he slowly looked over his shoulder.

"She kissed me and I wanted to stop her, but you know what? It was nice! I enjoyed it because with her I wouldn't have to hide from the whole damn world. She doesn't care if I swear or not – what about you Mitch? What good do you to me?"

Mitch was neither able to register the tears streaming down his face nor the fact that Adam knew he had talked without thinking first. The second in which the painful words had left his mouth he regretted them, because he knew, he always knew which words pierced Mitch to the heart.
But both were too far gone now and so Mitch lunged for Adam with a curse on his lips. They struggled and tried to gain the upper hand, moans could be heard while both tried to defend and attack at the right time-
Someone pushed the other a tad too much, a loud noise interrupted the fight and with a surprised outcry Mitch landed on the ground, surrounded by the broken pieces of a glass vase.

"One day you're going to end up all alone, Adam."
His voice was bitter and he didn't bother to look up, while the shock paralyzed him.
"If you continue like this, not even Alesa will stay by your side, because you're a fucking asshole."

Mitch looked up and was hit by the icy coldness in Adam's eyes. He had gone too far. Adam was quiet and took a moment to study Mitch, until he knew what would hurt him the most in return.
"At least I'm not the only one, am I, Mitch? You, who is incapable of having a proper relationship, if one at all, because of his immensely stupid trust issues."

The hateful words and accusations disappeared along with their anger and rage.
All that was left were realizations, shock and another feeling none of them could place at the moment. But it was enough for them to come to a silent understanding.

It had been too much.

Without another word Adam left the living room and several seconds later Mitch heard him closing the front door.
He still sat on the ground in the middle of the broken pieces of their love, as the others dared to come back from the kitchen. Over and over again he saw the broken look of Adam in front of his eyes, while his own tears didn't stop falling.

It had been too much. The damage had been done on both ends.
Irreversible damage.