Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
Thank you to my wonderful reviewers! I really appreciate your comments! Keep it up! I love you guys!
Some of you pointed out that I'd written Malfoy 'Malefoy' a couple of times in the last chapters. I apologise for that mistake, it's the French version of the name and the first I've known, so I guess it stayed stuck in my head somewhere. Rest assured, dear readers, I won't do it again.
I don't have a beta so, despite all the effort I spend on revising, I'm bound to make mistakes occasionally (or frequently :P).
Enjoy this chapter!
Chapter 7: 10th of August 1995, Part 4: Lies and Treachery
I apparated back to the edge of the wards and fell to the ground noisily.
I stayed there for a second, bone-tired and soul-weary. My eyes were shutting against my will.
I can't fall asleep there, they'll know I was out, come on and get up, you lazy mess! I still couldn't get myself to move. If you get up, I'll go take a long and warm shower and then, I'll go take a nap.
My body twitched, suddenly interested in what I was suggesting. I took a deep breath and slowly extracted my arms from under me. This difficult task completed, I pulled slowly myself up on my knees, shaking under the effort needed.
Shit! I used too much magic to take down those wards!
My head was spinning, my vision swimming. I squinted at the wards a few feet away from me.
I can do it! Come on, crawl if you want, but you're going back in there!
I took another steadying breath and inched my way to the wards, my whole body hurting.
Well, at least I didn't try that trick for the first time when trying to invade the Dark Lord's place. That wouldn't have been funny.
I let out a short laugh and pushed myself forward, rolling on the ground and crossing the curtain of blue light. Then, I crawled back to my clearing and let myself fall on the ground, completely exhausted. I barely managed to extract myself from my Invisibility Cloak and to clumsily put it back in my emergency bag before giving in the temptation and closing my eyes for a few seconds.
.
When I woke up, it was dark outside.
Shit, shit, shit! Sirius will be furious!
I sat up quickly, looking around and wondering what I was doing outside. My stomach was grumbling painfully, and I tried to think of the last time I'd eaten.
That's when I remembered what happened today.
I purposely sabotaged their raid; I went against the people I consider like my family because I believed that what they were doing was wrong and because, if I hadn't, I would have been like those people in the last war that stayed 'neutral' and allowed their world to crumble around them without lifting a finger to help those in need.
Sirius hates neutral parties; he always says that you have to fight for your convictions and assume responsibility, even if it means going against your family. When he told me that, he was talking of the Blacks and their love of dark magic. I never thought I'd use his advice and moral code to put myself against him, though.
I felt as if someone had stabbed me in the heart.
Am I really against him, now? I didn't see him at the raid...maybe he didn't agree with it? Yes, that must be what happened! He wouldn't have wanted innocents implicated, I'm sure of that.
A wave of relief submerged me, before doubts assaulted me once again.
And what of the rest of the Rebels? Am I against them? Maybe the raid didn't go as planned, maybe they just wanted to scare the bystanders a bit and got caught in the moment.
I've heard that, if you were in the middle of a large magical fight, and the magic permeated the air, you could sometimes lose track of who you were and just...live for the fight. That such a thing could happen to me scared me, but at the same, trying to imagine how I'd feel then, being transported by the magic... I was curious and a bit (just a bit, I swear!) excited by the prospect of living it one day. People didn't call this phenomenon "Magical ecstasy" for no reason, after all.
So...well...if that's what happened to the Rebels today, I'm not sure if I could condemn their actions because I might have done the same in a similar situation.
I nodded to myself, momentarily happy to have solved my dilemma.
I'll just ask them if it ever happened to them and we'll see what they'll say. If they say no, then I'll re-adjust my conclusion.
I picked myself off the floor and walked tiredly back to the village. The lights were shut in every house except for mine.
Oh no. Sirius waited up for me.
I crept back inside the shaky building that has been my home for the past ten years, trying to do as little noise as possible. I didn't want to talk to Sirius before having a scolding hot shower, and possibly another nap.
The second I set foot inside the house, the candles in the hallway and the living room lit up and I spotted Sirius looking at me from his armchair at the back of the room.
I sighed tiredly and said:
"Can I at least go take a shower before we talk?"
He looked me over, probably trying to find where I was and what I was doing.
Seeing that I wasn't hurt in any way, his lips tightened in barely restrained anger and he waved me off without speaking, looking to the side.
Having garnered such a response from him hurt me a bit. I wasn't, despite my behaviour today, a very rebellious teenager. There were just moments when I couldn't stand Sirius and when my mind kept reminding me of all of his faults.
Usually, I couldn't stay mad at him for too long. My longest bout of anger against him so far had been when I was eleven and he didn't tell me about my Hogwarts letter, and then I was angry with him for at least a week.
His best tactic for making me talk to him again was to show me a cool new spell. Then, I wouldn't be able to contain my enthusiasm and I'd forget why I was mad.
But I'd never really given him any reasons to be angry with me. I always was a nice, obedient child, in part (at the beginning at least) because I was afraid of being sent back to the Dursleys'. My sojourn there hadn't last long, but it was enough to leave a deep imprint in my psyche.
Sirius never really had much patience when he was mad, so I settled for a quick lukewarm shower. I changed into my pyjamas and bounded back down the stairs.
He hadn't moved a muscle since I left him. I approached and sat on the sofa facing him, staring at my hands resting on my lap.
"Where were you?" said my godfather in a controlled voice.
"Napping." My answer came out more petulant than I had planned.
"Do you really expect me to believe that?" His voice was incredulous.
"Well, if you really want the detail of my day, I'll tell you: I left the house, went in the woods, and let out my frustration on the poor trees. By the time I was done, I was exhausted; I lied down a bit to catch my breath and ended up falling asleep. I woke up about ten minutes ago and came back here immediately.
-You're not telling me everything." His eyes were scrutinising me.
"Ah yes, sorry, I forgot the hours of desperate crying and self-deprecation. I didn't think they'd matter to you," I said, accusingly.
He winced and looked at me with saddened eyes.
"Harry...don't be so pessimistic, please. You know we're not going to ask you to do anything before you feel ready for it, right? You still have plenty of time to train and become stronger.
-Sirius, I'm fifteen. He's what, a hundred years old? Be realistic, how could I possibly catch up to Him?
-You're doing very well, Prongslet! You even beat me more often than not when we duel nowadays.
-But you're not the Dark Lord! Nobody can compare to him. Gods, Sirius, you should have seen him at the last Victory Day. His magic, it was swirling all around him. It was intoxicating. Nobody could as much as look away from him when he was talking. How could I possibly rival with that one day?
-So I was right, then. You are behaving like that because you saw him recently. I knew it would just depress you to see him again... " He sighed. "I know the difference between you two looks pretty steep at the moment..."
I snorted.
"No, listen. I'm serious...
-And I'm Harry," I cut him off, using a lifelong joke between us. He quelled me with a pointed look.
"Harry. As I was saying, right now, your Task probably looks a bit daunting. But we're not asking you to attack him now either. We can hold out in here as long as you need.
-Are you just waiting for me then, all of you? The Rebels? Do they just exist to annoy Voldemort until I go against him?
-No! Why would you say that? We're there to train you, and that's part of our mission, but, first and foremost, we're fighting because we haven't abandoned the hope that one day, our society will be free again. We're fighting for what we believe is right, for our convictions.
Harry, the Dark Lord is a wicked man who reigns by controlling and oppressing his people. He forces them to obey his new laws because he gets off on seeing them cower at his feet. He relishes in the power he has over the population. And everybody let him do so because they are so relieved that he didn't decide to exterminate them or their family. But this isn't a good long-term strategy. Sooner or later, people are going to realise that he doesn't care about them at all and just wants to stay on his cushioned throne at the top of everything. And that's when they'll turn to us. We're there so that they know that there's another option.
I thought of the Dark Lord's face when he was showered with cheers and applause.
Sirius is right: he gets off on it! He saw me look at him the same way, he recognised me and he saw his destined enemy in awe before him like the rest of them. That's why he looked so smug! Fucking bastard! We'll see if I let myself fall in the same trap again...
"Hum, Harry, there something else I have to tell you, and I apologise in advance for the horrible timing, but this can't wait." He said, his voice grave.
I gave him my full-attention, already fearing what he was about to say.
"Harry... it's Tonks. She's dead." Dread flooded me.
"What? What do you mean..." I saw her a few hours again and she was fine! I finished the thought in my head, panicking.
"Harry, some of us went out on a raid earlier and we were attacked by Aurors...
-Is everybody fine?" I interrupted to ask, genuinely worried. I hadn't seen anybody get hit by anything but I was focusing on the wards during most of the battle so I had to be sure.
"Everybody's fine, Harry, just a few scratches here and there, don't worry. But the Aurors, while we were fighting against them, they were taunting us, saying that they had caught our little spy...they said she was trialed and sentenced to death, Harry...she's dead now. I'm so sorry that you have to learn it like that, you know. We had our suspicions that she'd been caught, but until we had confirmation, we didn't want you to worry about it..."
Disbelief floored me. I felt my mouth drop open and my eyes widen while I looked at him incredulously.
But, I saw her a few hours ago and she was fine; she was part of the Aurors! And the Rebels didn't even fight them; they just flew away the minute they arrived.
He...he's lying to me. He's lying to my face, looking me in the eyes with that sad look on his face and fucking lying to me about the death of his cousin! I can't believe it; I can't believe it!
I had subconsciously started to shake my head back and forth. Sirius thought I had trouble accepting reality. He said:
"Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry." and engulfed me in a warm hug. I sat still, frozen at the edge of the sofa.
How could Sirius lie to me like that? He can't be lying to me about something as serious as that, right? How am I supposed to believe anything he's ever said now? Has he lied to me about everything for the past ten years? I might as well go offer myself on a platter to the Dark Lord if it's the case...
I started shaking and gasping. The tears welled up in my eyes. I was unbelievably angry with Sirius and wanted to push him off me and run upstairs, but, with everything that happened today, the comfort he offered me was sorely needed.
I relaxed in the warmth despite myself and cried away the anger, the frustration, the hurt, the betrayal, the guilt and the panic of today.
How could he? How could he! I repeated to myself over and over, feebly.
Then I felt and heard Sirius crying against my shoulder, mourning the last member of the Black family about which he cared.
No, Sirius wouldn't lie to me about something so important. He wears his heart on his sleeve; he couldn't go through with it. The other Rebels must have spun this tale.
Anger came back to me like an infuriated beast growling in my chest. I tightened my arms around my godfather.
They have gone too far. I'm done making up excuses for their behaviour. They will pay for this lie and for the crimes they have committed against innocents today. I'll make sure of it.
I hope you liked this chapter!
I know some of you will think "why doesn't he go join the Dark Lord already?!" But I think that Harry would have a lot of difficulty taking this decision, especially with the way he was brought up and given that he'd have to fight against Sirius. Also, at this point in the story, Harry is convinced that the Dark Lord will kill him the minute he sees him, so he won't just go and present his head on a platter to him. Don't worry, though, the two of them will get together at some point. I've planned it all, but you'll have to wait a bit before we reach that point, mouhahaha. :P
Next chapter will be a mix between a Lucius's POV and a Voldemort's POV.
Thank you in advance for reviewing!