Music tip:
Shiny Toy Guns - Stripped
youtube: watch?v=HEkLU2AiJCs

For You

Chapter 23:
What you Want

"Thank you again for the invitation, it's so nice to see you two again."

Alesa's voice drifted over to him and with a deep breath Adam tried to focus his attention back on the conversation between his girlfriend and his parents. They had just finished the meal his mother had prepared for them and now were engrossed in the usual small talk that followed a get-together of relatives. He managed to sound interested and took part in the little discussion, until his mother stood up and asked Alesa to help her in the kitchen.

"We will prepare the dessert, don't do anything stupid," his mother laughed and disappeared in the kitchen nearby. Alesa followed her happily without so much as looking at Adam and of course his father happened to notice it as well.

"Is everything alright between the two of you?"

"Of course it is," he lied and avoided his father's gaze while taking a sip out of his glass. He didn't expect to get away with it though and so the sarcastic reply didn't surprise him at all. "Yeah, the glances between the two of you were adorable, especially when Alesa looked as if she wanted to murder you."

For a moment Adam stayed quiet, until he gave in and leaned back on his chair with a loud sigh. "Okay, you're right. We had a talk about something serious and kinda disagreed on it."

"But that's not it," his father concluded and stood up to get to the more comfortable couch on the other side of the living room. Adam followed him by his own accord.
"No, it's not. She wants me to decide whether I want to be together with her or not. She wants to take the next step." He was holding the most important part of their recent argument back, but he was too afraid to mention him now of all times. Adam had tried to convince himself that this was the right thing to do, that Alesa was the right choice, but of course she had noticed his hesitation. To say the least she hadn't been very pleased with it – obviously she had hoped for a faster decision in her favor.

"The problem is that I'm not sure if I want to as well. A family, kids, you know. I mean with her. She's wonderful, but-"
Adam stopped himself and sighed again, as he ran his fingers through his curly hair. No matter how often he considered it, the mere thought about being together with Alesa forever, the thought about letting go of Mitch once and for all…

"There's more to it. What is it, Adam?"

He knew. Of course he did.
Adam stayed silent and stared down at his hands.

His father deserved to know after all he had done for him. He had been there and supported Adam and his dream, no matter how crazy it had sounded at the beginning. He was always there for him, when everything became more than he could cope with, when he just needed some normalcy in his life.
He had been there as well, when Adam had missed the Canadian dearly and when Alesa couldn't mend the big hole in his heart.

"It's Mitchell, isn't it?"

Adam flinched and immediately tried to deny it, but his insecure voice and the panic in his eyes were evidence enough for his father to know he was right. "We notice more than you think, Adam. After all things between the two of you had been quite serious as far as you have told us," he started and took a sip of his drink, before he continued unfazed.

"You never introduced us to him though. Hence the reason why I find it hard to believe that you two could actually work out. Don't get me wrong here, Adam, but after all those months you two had been together, you would have introduced us to him, if you really had lov-"

Whether he had said it on purpose or not, his father wasn't able to finish his accusation, as Adam heatedly replied,
"Of course I still love him!"

Silence.
He knew he should stop, the revelation was already too much, since he tried to bury the feelings deep inside of him, but the sudden rush of emotions, the need to justify his love for his Canadian…

Suddenly he was standing.
"How can I not love him when I still dream of him, when I still want to call him to record a video together, when I simply yearn for just being by his side again?!"

His hands were trembling and the pressure behind his eyes grew. He shouldn't tear up, not in front of his parents and especially not with Alesa nearby. Because his decision still was the same. Alesa was the better choice. To love her was easier. Right?

A hand on his shoulder pulled him out of his desperate thoughts and his father gave his sleeve a tug to get him back onto the couch. The expression on his face was calming and once more Adam felt himself loosen up in the presence of the older male. He always knew what to do.

"I'm sorry to say this buddy, but Alesa is right."
Adam sighed and leaned back. What else was new?
"You have to make up your mind, son, because being torn between him and her isn't good for any one of you."

"But how?!" he asked impatiently and turned to stare at his father again.
"How do I do it? How do I choose one of them? I don't even know if Mitch wants to talk to me at all, let alone be in a relationship once more after what had happened. He probably still hates my guts!"

"It's easy, Adam," he replied with a smirk and then leaned forward to put a hand onto his shoulder again. "Sometimes you just have to think about what you really want in life."
The door to the kitchen opened and he stood up to help his wife and Alesa with the dessert.
Instead of helping them Adam continued to sit on the couch and stared at the retreating form of his father, while he thought about his supposedly helpful words. He was as wise as before now, wasn't he? The tip didn't really help him, he had known that much already, but his father didn't say stuff like that for nothing.

What he really wanted in life…
What was that?

The question shouldn't be hard to answer, but the more Adam thought about it, the harder it was for him to think of a proper response.
Maybe he should try to answer it from the very beginning.

Most of all he wanted to be happy.
For that he needed someone by his side, who helped him when the demons got the better of him and who managed to cheer him up without consciously intending to do so.

So he wanted to have someone by his side.
Someone like Alesa. Someone like Mitch.

Alesa knew what she expected from life and no matter if Adam decided to be a part of it or not, she would reach her goals one day for sure. She wanted to have a family, kids, marriage…
It would make him happy, without doubt, but was he willing to share it all with her? Was he willing to forever?

Mitch on the other hand was a mystery to him, someone he wanted to stay away from at all costs, but then again a small part deep inside of him yearned for the pretty Canadian and it electrified his body with a hidden desire.
He was a mystery and Adam wanted to explore it.

A family?
Or the satisfaction of his forbidden desires?

What he really wanted in life…
And suddenly the answer to it was easier than expected.

He wanted both.