Bracing the palm of my hand over my lower stomach, I couldn't help but wince at the aching pain that stung from between my thighs. Shooting up in sharp sparks, I had yet to get up from my bed since I had been carried back unconscious to my room.
Turning on my side, I slid my arms under the cold and slightly damp pillow. Resting the side of my head, I stared at the grey wall in front of me. Since coming back to the safety of my room, the image of the soldiers face had yet to leave my mind. Instead it was constant and shadowing. At night, I could swear his face lingered in the corners of my room. As if he would materialise before me. Shuddering from the thought of his sharp eyes, I couldn't help the strange part of me that wanted to capture them – draw them. Then I realised; I still have the supplies Erik had given to me.
Finding the strength to lift my body and pull back the edge of the mattress, I reached my hand under to find the book and charcoal sticks. Feeling them with my fingers, I grabbed them before setting them down on the bed. Shifting my body upwards into a sitting position, I held the book close before starting to rub the charcoal around the slightly crinkled paper. Smudging and scratching, I worked with a swift had as I tried to recreate the soldiers face.
I don't know why, or what gave me the urge to draw his face. I suppose it might have been out of a sort of bizarre fixation. He wasn't like anyone I had ever come across before. He was tall, strong and built to destroy. He had aura around him that any person couldn't ignore.
After scribbling for what seemed like a couple hours, and after several attempts, I had finally done it. I had drawn his face. Staring down at the black and white image, I felt a shiver creep down my spine and nestle deep in my stomach. The eyes I had drawn, looked so real. As if he were really inside the small booklet perched in my lap "You should be more careful" whispered a voice. Looking around, I followed the sound to the peep hole made near the top of my metal door.
Sighing to myself, I felt relieved. I wasn't going crazy – it was just Erik "You frightened me" I said as the jingle of his keys sounded before the door to my room creaked open. Stepping through, my eyes wandered to the metal tray in his hands "Is it dinner already?" I asked with a frown. Surely I couldn't have been drawing for that long.
"If you paid attention to your surroundings, maybe you would know if it were dinner" looking around, I gestured to my room.
"If I had a window or clock, maybe I wouldn't have to pay attention" I retorted. It was saddening and pathetic that I didn't have at least one of those items I had mentioned. How was I supposed to stay healthy, if I had yet to see the sun for more than a month?
"That's beside the point Amelia. Even if you did have a clock or a window, you must always pay attention. You won't last here if you don't" scolding me, I let out a puff of air while folding my arms over my chest. A childish move I know, but I hate it when Erik says things like that "Don't sulk, it's unbecoming" sighing, he added "I'm only trying to help you"
Looking at Erik, I unfolded my arms and slouched in defeat. He was right "I know. I'm sorry" looking down at the open book in my lap, I stared back down at the page.
"What did you draw this time? Not another flower I hope" hearing the teasing tone in his voice, a smile crept to the corner of my lips.
"No" I said while shaking my head. Coming to stand beside the bed, Erik leaned over and tilted his head to look at the image I had drawn.
"You're getting better" praised Erik, before a frown wrinkled his forehead "but why him?"
Shrugging my shoulders, I didn't know how to answer his question. I still didn't know the reason why either "I don't know…he's just – different. I suppose. He's not like anyone I've seen" continuing to stare down, I looked up to gauge Erik's concerned expression.
"You look worried. Did I say something?" I was confused.
"No, you didn't" shaking his head, he straitened his body to stand correct before holding out my tray "Here. Eat. You'll need your strength" closing the booklet, I shoved it under my mattress along with the charcoal sticks. When I was ready, Erik placed the tray down onto my lap. Looking down, I scanned my eyes over the same packaged food as always. Thankfully, I was starting to get used to the bland, grainy taste "Are you still in pain?"
"…Yes" I answered simply.
"Where?" he asked again. Gesturing to my body with his finger. Feeling a hot flush rise up my neck and into my cheeks, I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable.
Shifting, I kept my eyes on the tray on my lap. Why was he asking me questions now? Couldn't he come back later? I suppose he was just looking after me – like he's supposed to "My…lower stomach" I didn't want to say it, it's embarrassing to talk to a man about the 'female area'.
Although it evidently didn't faze Erik, I suppose he's seen 'everything' there is to see of a woman's body, but still "Your vagina?" he questioned crassly. Feeling another flush, I nodded while scrapping the edge of my nail against the side of the metal tray in my hand "that should pass soon. If it doesn't, don't keep it to yourself. Tell me" he instructed firmly "I'll take you to get looked at"
"By who? Gregov" I said the man's name harshly. Moving my eyes from my food, I looked up at Erik's youthful face and beady brown eyes "I don't want him near me" I grimaced at the ghost of Gregov's touch.
"You don't have a choice. He's the Doctor allocated to all of the girls here in this facility. Not just you. If there's a problem that needs fixing, then I am ordered to take you to him" stated Erik, almost robotically.
"Why can't you fix it? Your smart, maybe, even more qualified. Zola-" he cut me off before I could finish.
"I'm a favourite pupil of Zola, yes. It's not a secret. But I can't abuse my power and position simply because you refuse to see Gregov. Whether you understand or not, I can't show my favouritism toward you. I'm allowed to get away with the small things I give you, and the few more minutes I spend, but that's it. If I do any more I become a liability…Hydra doesn't have liabilities" watching his eyes go cold like stone. I felt a pang of something unfamiliar rattle in my stomach – fear. I don't know. All that I do, is that I've never seen Erik give me a look like the one he's giving me right now.
"Hydra…" I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. Erik seemed to know the question I was trying to ask: Who is Hydra?
"It's the name of the organisation I work for, and the ones responsible for your selection" My selection? That's what they're calling it. As if we were live stock.
"Why was I chosen? Out of all the girls in my hometown. All the people. Why us?" ignoring the food in front of me and the gurgle and pang of hunger in my stomach. I decided this was more important. I can eat later.
"You were taken from your hands for the simple reason of your youth and gender. From that group, you were selected to be eligible for the program. I hope by now, you already know what that is" nodding my head, I didn't understand at the time of Gregov's rambling; when I had been sent to the shock room, but it was made completely clear a few days ago "it's important for me to keep you alive and well for the time being"
"Were you lying?" I asked suddenly. Feeling the rush of emotions, and the realisation of why us girls were here. I wanted to make sure "You said back then, in the room, that you would help me. That you would get me out of here, but you made me go through that"
"I told you that I would help you survive. I asked you to trust me – Do you…still trust me?" he asked, the coldness of his eyes leaving to replace with warmth and a hopeful gleam.
My voice barely above a whisper "Of course, I still trust you"
"Then follow and do what I ask. That's all I need to help you. Don't give up, and you will survive this place…then" he said with a slight nod of his head "I will take you to Paris. You will be happy again" nodding my head. I stared down at the tray in my lap "…this isn't the time, I know that. But Gregov. He'll be taking you away again, tomorrow"
"…When will it stop?" I said in an almost non-existent whine. A pleading question more to the God above. Where ever he may be. When will it stop?
"It'll stop when you conceive a child. After, they'll take you away from this place" he said gesturing to my room "you'll be placed into an observation room, where you will be looked after. Provided with better care" of course they would. Can't risk something happening with their 'miracle child', could they.
"Until what?" I said with a slight sneer and shake of my head "until I give them what they want? An innocent child for them to experiment on…"
"This is how it must be" shaking my head, I didn't want to listen anymore. I don't want to hear it "…the moment you give birth, they'll take it away from you. You won't ever see it again…and I'm not sure you would want to" How could he say that? "We don't know what will happen. What it will look like. What it will be like. This has never been done before. For all we know the baby could be still born"
"I don't care. It's still a child. You won't take it away from me" I said with a shake of my head, my eyes closing as my fingers fisted in the bed sheets below me.
"That isn't a choice for you to make. Whether you like it or not, it will be this way. As it will go for the rest of the girls" opening my eyes, I turned my head to look up at Erik.
"The girls" I questioned. A frown on my face "Do you know how many are left?"
Sighing, his jaw went taught. As if he didn't want to the answer the question "…five" feeling my heart slightly crack beneath my chest. I felt a wave of sadness wash over me; ice cold and miserable.
"F-five?" I stuttered. How could that be? There were plenty of us. Why were there so few now? "W-what…what happened to them?" feeling my eyes sting with salty tears, none of them had yet to loosen from my eyes.
"Complications" Erik stated simply. As if it were the answer I were looking for. As if the, no doubt gruesome, details were just categorised as a complication. Flashing in my mind, Gregov's face flash into my vision "forget about them Amelia. There is only you. Focus on yourself, not them. They won't make it, I know this" stated Erik sympathetically, and surely.
"They could. If you helped them" I argued. Plea lacing with my words. I felt guilty and desperate.
Shaking his head, he took a step in the direction of the door "This isn't up for discussion. Now eat" he said while pointing a finger at my tray "I will be back tomorrow morning, before you leave" grabbing the keys from his white lab coat, he opened the metal door before leaving. Not another word or glance, just the emptiness of silence.