A/N How was the chapter? Let me know what you think.
It's been a week since the 'tearing' incident, and I was starting to feel anxious. As the days had ticked by and my body had recovered from the injury, I begun to dread the moment Erik would come through that door to announce the continuation of the 'program'. He had yet to do so, but I had a gut wrenching feeling that the end mark of this week would be it.
Playing with the clean fabric of my new white night gown, I picked free a loose piece of string. So far no one had come to see me today, but I was holding my breath as it was still early in the day.
Hearing the ticking of the clock hanging in front of me on the wall, I had begun to despise it. Remembering back to the conversation I had had with Erik, I remember telling him I wanted one but I was now starting to regret saying it; as every second felt longer, slower and more agonising than the last. Time, in a place like this, is my enemy.
Fiddling with the string on my gown and the ends of my long brown hair, my head snapped up at the sound of the double door opening. Stepping through, Erik walked over to the side of my bed with a clipboard tucked under his right arm. Standing still, he peered down at me as my throat bobbed from slight fear of what he was going to say next "How are you feeling today Amelia?" he questioned casually.
Nodding my head shakily, I focused my attention away from his face and down to my lap "G-good. I feel good" lie, I thought to myself. I feel petrified. Was he going to tell me my time was up? That I had to go back?
"That's very good" watching him from the corner of my eye, he didn't move a muscle but continued to stand silent and still. I could feel his eyes on me "the blood sample I had taken this week…" he started "it came back today" feeling my chest tighten a fraction, I looked up to him in mild curiosity and concern. Was everything alright? "you're pregnant" he stated blankly, no build up to the announcement.
Feeling the blood drain my face, I slumped back further against the bed. Did he just say what I think he said? I'm pregnant. I don't know whether to be happy that I don't have to go back 'there', or to be sad that I'm carrying a mystery soldier's child. A man I most likely won't ever see again.
Feeling a warm hand on my shoulder, I looked right to trail my eyes from the hand all the way up the white lab coat covered arm. Stopping at Erik's concerned face, his brows slightly furrowed "Amelia…are you alright? You look pale. Everything's going to be alright. I promise. This is good news" he stated.
Looking up at him, I had snapped from the silent trance I had been in "Good news?" I repeated.
"Yes" Erik replied with a nod of his head. Placing down the clipboard, he took a step closer "It may not seem that way, but it is. You won't have to see him again. You'll be able to stay in here from now on" he said while gesturing to the empty room full of clean medical beds and metal cabinets.
"Will I still get to see you?" I don't want him to leave me now that this has happened.
Nodding his head with a faint smile on the corner of his lips "Yes, I'll be right here. I'll check on you every day" feeling relief in knowing Erik will be close, I breathed with a relaxed sigh "...Zola has been informed of your situation. He'll become a frequent visitor of yours from now on" said Erik. His voice low as to not be overheard.
"Why?" I asked concerned. Why would Zola need to check up on me now of all times? It's not like he could do anything.
"He wants to make sure you're…healthy" stated Erik, trying to find the word. Looking down, I had zoned out from his words again at the site of my lap when warm finger grasped my hand. Tracing my eyes over his larger and tanned hand, I felt him squeeze gently "don't be scared. Things are going according to plan. You'll be free soon. I promise" not saying a word or nodding, I sat with my head bowed in silence.
After Erik had visited me this morning, I had fallen back to sleep for a few hours. Since coming here to this facility, I had yet to have a proper dream. Instead at night, my head was only filled with nightmares or blank nothingness.
Thankfully, my brain was a void this time. I much prefer this, than the alternative. Feeling a warm hand shake on my upper arm, I was pulled out of my sleep. Rolling over from my side, I sat up in a sleep like state. My eyes blurry and my mind hazy "Erik?" I said while rubbing my eyes, squinting from the brightness of the room.
Standing next to the bed, he began to place a tray onto the portable table before wheeling it across my lap so that the metal tray was in front of me "I'm sorry to wake you, but you need to eat" feeling my eyes close again as I sighed from tiredness, I sat back and stared down at the same meal I eat every day. Beginning with my least favourite of the vacuum sealed packages, I looked over to Erik as he sat on a chair with his eyes staring off into the distance.
Looking around, the silence of the room besides the clock and my chewing where starting to make me uncomfortable. Thinking of something to talk about, I asked "Why are there no female doctors here?" it sounded like a reasonable question to ask.
Snapping from his gaze, he sat up straighter in his chair before looking at me as I took another bite of the oat bar "There's no need for them here" he stated simply. I wonder why he would think that.
"Why not? Wouldn't it be better? We are girls, I mean. It would make us feel more comfortable. I wouldn't feel so frightened"
Tilting his head slightly "Are you afraid of me Amelia?" swallowing the mouth full of the oat meal bar, I gaped at Erik as he sat with a curious look in his eye.
"No" I said quickly, shaking my head "I'm not afraid of you Erik. There's no reason for me to be" watching him continue to stare into my eyes I shifted uncomfortably. Watching as the corners of his lips tugged upwards, Erik snapped from his trance before sitting up straight.
"The reason we don't have female doctors here in the facility, is that it would become problematic over time. You would feel safe and comfortable, which will prone you to become reckless and rebellious. Besides, no women would ever accept the nature of the program and what it's meant to achieve. No doubt one of them would form a close attachment to one of you girls. And as you may know, attachments are quite dangerous"
"But what about you? You're helping me when you shouldn't. That's an attachment. It's dangerous, yet you still do it" I stated while turning my body more to look at him.
Giving me a smile, he bowed his head for a second before looking up at me again "Yes, I suppose your right…my attachment to you is dangerous. But I do this, because I care for you" I was taken aback. Feeling butterflies erupt in my stomach from his words, I gasped lightly. Feeling the heat in my cheeks, I looked back down to my tray of food and started to eat again. What was I to say? He had admitted his feeling for me. It wasn't something I was expecting, but I couldn't help feel the same way. I care for Erik.
Waking up early the next morning, I had been lying in bed when the doors to the large room opened once again. Looking to see who it was, I expected the face of Erik but found it to be Zola instead; a calm and chilling smile stretched across his lips "Good morning Amelia. I hope you have rested well" he greeted with enthusiasm.
Nodding my head "Yes. Thank you" during the few times I had seen this man, I never quite knew what to say. So instead, I chose to keep my answers small and clear. Sitting straighter, the short man dressed in his lab coat and glasses came to stand beside the bed; a chart in his hands.
"I've heard some exciting news. Congratulations" giving me a wide smile, my own wasn't as grand "to be so lucky. You are the first…but do not worry, I'm sure you won't be in here all alone for too much longer" he said gesturing to the room. Looking away from the man, I found it unnerving how calm and cheerful he seemed to be about the subject. Zola made it sound so – natural "you must be wondering why I'm here? Yes" I nodded my head "it's nothing to be frightened of. I will be visiting you regularly from now on. I want to make sure you're in perfect condition. I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to the little one" reaching out, he placed his warm hand on my flat stomach. Wincing, I didn't want him to touch me, but what choice do I have. Taking away his hand, Zola flipped through the charts on the clipboard before looking up at me again "from now on, you will be undergoing several exercises to keep you occupied and healthy, and you will be given medication that you must take. Understand?"
"Yes, Doctor" I said clearly.
"Very good. Do you have any questions?" losing my voice for a second, I wasn't expecting him to give me a voice in the matter. Should I ask a question, or is it a trick? Taking a small breath, I decided to accept his offer.
"Will I ever see…him again?" my voice was so quiet, I wasn't sure I had said anything if it were for the fact Zola had responded.
"I'm afraid not. Unless something happens to this child, and we have to start over again" nodding my head, my throat bobbed as I felt it start to go dry.
"I have one last question" I said quickly, I didn't want to him to leave yet. Standing and waiting for me to continue, I asked "What will happen afterwards? When I give birth" clearing the fear from my heart, my eyes never left his own beneath the thin glasses he wore. I wanted to see his face when he answered me.
Giving me a smile "Your child will be perfectly safe. I assure you. We will look after him with the utmost of care. This child is a miracle. You should be proud of what you have achieved" holding my breath, I nodded before he left. I had nothing else to say.
Slouching back against the bed, I felt the familiar sting in my eyes as tears started to form. Zola knew the question I was asking, but he said nothing of me. Only the child. He spoke as if I were not going to be here after I give birth. As if I were not a part of the equation that was the future.
Feeling the hot salty tears leak from the corners of my eyes and down my cheeks, I sat with silent sobs as I realised that once this was over, they are going to kill me. That even if Erik managed to get me out of here safely, that I won't be able to see my baby. Erik said so himself, that once this child enters the world it will be taken from me. I won't ever see it again.
Wiping my tears, I curled on my side. I know Erik is trying to help me, but I need to help the life that's growing inside of me. I can't let someone else slip from my fingers again like my mother and brother. I'll find a way to save this baby, even at the cost of my own life.