Paul woke the next morning. He felt like shit. Sleep was not an easy thing to find or keep that first night away from his imprint in three weeks. He had gotten used to Anna being in the same room if not beside him. Most nights, he held her as she cried herself to sleep. He hated to see her cry. But, he understood her tears.
Paul finished his third cup of coffee before heading out the door to phase into his wolf form. He technically was not on schedule to patrol. However, it had been three weeks since he phased. His wolf was itching to get out and run for a while before he went to work.
"Paul? Hey man, welcome back." Seth's cheerful voice sounded through the pack mind, followed by similar thoughts from Leah and Embry.
"How is Abbie?" Embry asked after Paul didn't answer to the other acknowledgments.
Paul huffed. "She is a strong and happy little girl. Anna did what she could to help. Now, we have to wait and see if it will all be enough."
"I am surprised that you care so much for the kid." Leah said.
Mentally, he rolled his eyes. Leah stopped. She was on the other side of the reservation from Paul, but he knew she stopped.
"Paul. I didn't mean it like that. Believe it or not, I understand some of your anger. I don't think you are a bad guy. Annoying as fuck. But, not a bad guy. You would make a good father one day. I was just surprised to feel how much you care for a little girl that is not yours."
Paul dropped his head. He didn't want to share the information about how he had proposed to Anna. If anyone knew about that, they would never believe that he and Anna were just friends. "She was a special little girl. And, she means a lot to Anna." He shared a quick memory of Abbie for them to see.
Sam popped into the pack mind. "Shift change. Seth and Leah, why don't you two get some sleep."
"Hey Paul, before I go." Seth called out. "I am really happy for you. And, she is one super cute kid." Then he was gone. So was Leah.
"Welcome back Paul." Sam said. "Embry, why don't you take a break for a minute?"
"I just started ten minutes ago." Embry was puzzled.
Sam growled at him. "Break. Now."
"Okay, okay. I'll be back in fifteen minutes." The younger wolf grumbled.
Once Sam and Paul were alone in the link, Sam started to ask how things went in Seattle. Paul didn't see the point of hiding most shit from Sam. The man knew enough already and he had actually been rather helpful and supportive. Which surprised Paul. There were a few things he kept private. Still he answered and told Sam about their encounter with the leech the last day.
"Do you know what her plans are yet?" Sam asked.
Paul shrugged, well, what amounted to a shrug from a wolf. "Anna is going to start looking for a job. So, at least she plans on staying for a little while. The problem is that she doesn't want to have anything to do with Oregon. She can't go back to where she was in protective services. But, she had only lived in La Push for a few months. She doesn't feel like she has a home. Anywhere. So, she is trying to decide if she wants to make La Push her home or move somewhere else and start over completely."
"I really hope she chooses here." Sam said. "For your sake as well as hers."
Paul sighed. "Yeah, but Abbie lives in Redmond. The adoptive parents have welcomed us both into Abbie's life. I don't know if that will mean that she would want to move closer to her daughter. For now, Abbie will be in Seattle for a few months, Anna wants to go see her every other weekend. I promised to take her. She can't do it alone. She is too emotional to drive back safely."
Sam made his way closer to Paul. "I understand your fears Paul. But, honestly, it sounds like Anna is relying on you too much to be ready to run off and leave you. I think it will work out for the best."
After work, Paul stared at his phone. He debated with himself. Make the call. No, it is stupid. Make the call and ask. It won't make any difference. And, he didn't want to have to talk about it. Make the damn call, chicken. Fuck.
"Hey Quil. You have a minute?"
Quil mumbled to Claire about going to watch her movie, with the phone away from his ear. "Yeah, what's up?"
"Damn, it. I shouldn't be asking this. Nevermind."
"Paul. Just spit it out." Quil pushed.
Paul took a breath to steady his nerves. "Have you had sex with anyone since you imprinted on Claire?"
There was silence.
"Yeah, nevermind. Forget what I asked." Paul said quickly.
Quil groaned. "If it was anyone else who asked that question, I would tell them where to shove it. But, from you, I need to know why you are asking. Cuz if you are just being nosey…"
Paul pressed two fingers around the base of his nose where it met his skull. "I did."
"Strange isn't it?" Was all Quil would say.
"Yeah. It just feels different somehow." Paul sat down on his couch. "Don't get me wrong. It's not really guilt. Anna was the one pushing me out the door to go to the bar and have some fun. She even put rules on it. First, no taking the girls back to our room. Second, she didn't want to know details. Third, she is allergic to cheap perfume, so I had to take a shower when I got back."
Quil chuckled. "That is one hell of an imprint you found Paul."
Paul grinned with pride. She really was.
Then Quil settled down to really talk. "Listen man. Just from what I saw at the bonfire and what you just told me, it looks like the two of you use your sex life to keep those walls built up. As long as you are having sex with other women, you both remember to keep things as friends only. She has no claim on you and you don't feel caged in. I can't say it is the healthiest option considering how complicated your relationship is. But, it has a purpose."
Paul really couldn't argue the man's observation. As long as Anna was alright with him going out and hooking up with other women, he knew that Anna was not looking for more from him. His walls remained firmly in place like Fort Knox.
After a pause, Quil continued. "But, I am guessing that you called because you felt different when you had sex and that is kind of freaking you out?"
"Yeah."
"Look. I don't have a lot of experience at this. I have only given in twice since I met Claire. But, each time felt unsatisfying. And, I felt guilty afterwards. I can only assume it is because of the imprint bond. Not that it will stop me from scratching that itch again in the future, I mean, let's face it. I can't stay celibate for the next fifteen years or more, waiting to see if she ever wants me as a lover. Shit, I can't even think about that. Fuck, she is four. I am not thinking about future sex with a four year old. Ew." Paul could hear Quil shake his head. "The point is that I will hold out as long as I can in between indulgences. It just doesn't feel right otherwise."
"Yeah. Something like that."
"I'll be there in a minute Claire bear… Paul, I won't judge your choices on this. But, I will warn you. The longer you keep those walls up and the more you choose to indulge yourself, the harder it will be to ever get out of the friend zone. Anna may not be ready to think about that now. But, when she does, she will have all of those memories of you choosing other girls instead of her. Anna is cute, but not the kind of girl you normally date. So, it will be hard to convince her that you really choose her and won't cheat."
"When did you become Dr. Phil?"
Quil laughed. "Claire's mom watches that stuff all the time."
"Thanks man." Paul said. Then he ended the call and texted Jared. Pizza, beer and a chance to finally talk. Jared practically ran to Paul's house.
It wasn't that Paul really wanted to talk about anything to anyone. But, Sam had seen his memories and Paul knew that he wouldn't let things go. Quil was the only one who was even close to the same situation to actually offer answers. And, Jared had been his best friend for too long for Paul to completely shut him out anymore. He owed his friend for being there for him all those years. And, he hated keeping secrets from Jared. Anna had been the only exception. Because he was protecting her privacy. However, Jared knew now. So, it was time to talk.
Jared accepted the beer Paul had handed him when he walked in and grabbed a slice of pizza. Once he finished his first slice, Jared started.
"So, I get why you were protecting her. With your family life, there was a connection. What I am confused about is how you two became friends enough to even know that about each other. I mean, it's not something you share in class during some ice breaker." He took a swig of the beer. "Oh, and what in the hell is up with her calling you stupid and dork and you just grinning like a fool for it? If I called you that, I'd be lucky not to get punched in the nuts."
Paul chuckled. Leave it to Jared to ask about the random shit. "And, remind me why someone decided to ask you to become a Deputy for the Tribal Police?"
"Whatever, asshole." Paul raised a brow. And, Jared questioned about Anna calling him a dork, while he keeps calling Paul and asshole? Hypocrisy. "They didn't trust you not to beat the shit out of the local drunks. Quil and I made more sense. Wolves on the force to help deal with leech issues, but could still handle the other petty crimes without cracking skulls. And, we are not as good with cars as you, Jake and the others. Now stop stalling. Tell me about Anna."
Paul told him about how he and Anna started their friendship, without sharing the wussy tears part. In a way, it kind of felt good to stop hiding so much.
A few days later, Paul made his way into a bar in Port Angeles. He had to pick up some parts for the shop and decided to take a much needed break for a bit. It had been an emotional few weeks. Anna was back, he still felt guilty that he had not protected her, then the whole situation with Abbie. And, since they got back from Seattle, Anna had been busy so he had not seen her much. It was starting to get to him.
The waitress brought Paul his order. Just a simple burger and beer. But, she leaned over and proceeded to flirt with Paul. Now, that could be a good distraction.
The place was slow enough, that the waitress was able to sit and join Paul through most of his meal. They flirted and laughed until he was close enough to done that the waitress slid her hand up his thigh and suggested they go to the back room. Paul grinned. "Careful little girl. I am not gentle."
She sucked in her breath and chewed on her lip. "Don't make promises you can't keep."
That settled it. One last gulp of his beer and he was following her to a more private location. In seconds, he had her pressed against the wall, her denim skirt hiked up to allow her legs to wrap around his waist. He pulled her shirt off in one smooth motion and attacked her exposed flesh. He sucked and bit into her everywhere. God, it had been a couple weeks since he had sought this kind of release.
But, when the perky brunette reached between them to cup his manhood, he was barely hard. She frowned at his lack of enthusiasm. "Hold on baby, let me help." She detached her legs and slid down to her knees to expose his flesh and pleasure it with her hands and mouth. It still felt strange, but Paul closed his eyes and lost himself in the sensations.
"Oh, that's it Anna, just like that." He moaned.
"Anna! Who in the hell is Anna? My name is Stacy!" The waitress stood up.
Paul dropped his head back. "Well, what did you expect? We met not even 30 minutes ago. Did you think this was kismet or something? Mistakes happen."
She slapped him. "Asshole!" And, she stormed out.
The slap to the face fueled his rage. He spun and slammed his fist into the wall, leaving a crack in the bricks, and breaking his hand. "Fuck!"
Before he knew what he was doing, Paul was driving to Mr. Jacobs house. His broken hand had mostly healed during the hour and a half drive from Port Angeles. The bones were still stitching themselves together, but the bruising was gone and he could move without too much pain.
However, he was angry. Angry at himself for thinking about Anna during sex. He knew he shouldn't, it would only cause problems between them. She wasn't ready. He knew that. But, mostly, he was angry for loosing his temper again.
When he was more calm about it, he could understand why girls kept slapping him. But, in the rush of his temper, he couldn't keep his mouth shut. They knew what they were getting into. He didn't understand why they expected better from him. Yet, he knew he was being an ass. But, once slapped, there was no logic at all. He hated that part about himself.
What made the whole situation harder was that Anna was at the center of it all. He had been agitated because he hadn't seen Anna in a couple of days while she looked for a new job. Then, he couldn't get distraction without wishing it was her. Hell, even after, he lost his temper, he wished that she was there to sooth him. The only person that had ever calmed him after that type of incident was Anna.
Four years prior...
Paul was walking out of Biology class. Anna had stayed behind to talk to the teacher about something. When some piss ant, barreled right for him. Paul barely saw it coming in time to brace for the impact and roll to toss the guy aside.
"What in the fucking hell?"
The kid stood up and charged for Paul again. "You fucking bastard!" He yelled. This time, the kids fist connected with Paul's jaw.
Paul saw red. There was no going back. That shit was gonna die.
But, before Paul could even think it, Mr. Samuels had grabbed the kid and Anna was in front of Paul. She placed both hands on his cheeks to force him to look at her.
"You're coming with me." She ordered and pulled him into the empty classroom.
Paul could hear the kid screaming and whining about Paul fucking his girlfriend. Mr. Samuels calmly explained that what Paul did, didn't give the boy the right to hit another student and sent him to the principles office.
Anna, however, continued to look Paul in the eyes, holding his face. "You don't need to hurt a freshman kid because he was stupid." Her thumbs stroked his cheek bones and his rage melted. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers. Paul took several breaths. His anger was still there, but the blind rage was gone. He had never experienced anything like it before. How did she do that?
When Mr. Samuels returned to his classroom, he praised them both for de-escalating the situation. Though he did have to warn Paul about his choices in women. Anna simply grinned. "See you tomorrow Lahote."
Paul quickly grabbed her hand. "You don't hate me?"
Anna shook her head. "You are a tall, handsome, teenage boy who has girls throw themselves at you. As long as you are single, it is your life to live. It's not your fault some slut decided to cheat on her boyfriend. Just, do me a favor and remember the pain that cheating causes. Try to avoid girls in relationships, and never cheat on one that you really care for." Then she left.
Paul sent a fist into a near by locker on the way out. It wasn't the kids face, but it helped to get the rest of the anger out.
Present day...
The soft strum of a guitar bounced off the walls of Anna's room as she sang the words to 'Imagine' by John Lennon. Paul stood at her door, soaked, in the beauty and emotion of her voice.
She jumped when she saw him. "Damn it, dork."
"Don't stop." He smiled as he sat on her bed next to her. "You are really good. You have a beautiful voice."
Anna blushed.
"I'm serious. You are good. You should play at the bonfire this weekend.". He complimented.
She shook her head. "I would be too embarrassed. I don't like to be the center of attention."
"I know. Just close your eyes. I will be with you." He encouraged.
Anna closed her eyes and leaned against Paul as she started to play another song, 'Have You Ever Seen the Rain' from Creedence Clearwater Revival.
That was what he needed. The comfort of his imprint next to him. Trusting him. All of his frustration from the day dissipated as she expressed herself in music.