Thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorited/followed this story! I've literally been working on this all week. That's how slow of a writer I am.
Is just wanted to clarify some things. There isn't much plot to this story. It's simply the progression of their relationship: student to colleagues, friends to lovers, marriage, and so on. And it was kind of an excuse for me to write fluff - which I'm not normally accustomed to writing.
Enjoy!
Warning: Slight Eren/Mikasa and Jean/Mikasa. Also, inappropriate Levi thoughts.
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Safety & Security
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Five years fighting with the Scouting Legion turns Levi into the stone cold captain he his today. He expected the insurmountable number of casualties from the beginning, but what he didn't expect was for it to hit so close to home. Nearly every death of his comrades bring back harrowing memories - pools of crimson, visions of a family from the past. His office is almost destroyed when he can't remember what their faces look like.
But she's always there to console him, even when he doesn't want her to.
She holds him in her arms, delicate fingers soothing up and down his back. He never cries. Never thanks her for being there. Never utters a word when she brings him chamomile tea afterwords. Not even when, instead of leaving, she wordlessly lies beside him until he drifts off.
She never speaks of it the day after, and for that he's thankful.
xxxxx
"The Scouting Legion? Are you serious?"
Mikasa was fuming, he could tell even through her composed façade. Levi predicted that she would act this way, but if only she would let him finish!
"Yes, but Erwin said-"
"I don't care what he said. You're an idiot!"
Losing the last of his patience, Levi's fingers dig into her forearm as he drags her close, their noses nearly touching. Mikasa gasps at his forcefulness, eyes widening slightly.
"Listen, you brat. Shut your fucking mouth and just listen to me for once," he chastised, his voice holding an intensity she wasn't used to. When he's sure she won't interrupt him anymore, he releases his hold on her arm and collects himself before continuing. "You're coming with me. It took some convincing, but Erwin eventually gave in."
Mikasa gaped at him in disbelief, thin fingers anxiously playing with the long strands of her ebony hair. "Y-You're not leaving me?"
"I wouldn't just abandon you. I'm not that much of an asshole." A short laugh emerged from her pink lips. It was the first time he heard such a thing from her. It was hardly anything, an exhale really, but melodic nonetheless. The sound makes him tremble, and he secretly wishes she would do it more often.
It takes him a minute to notice the seriousness on her features again. Something is clearly bothering her. "What's wrong?" he inquires when she remains silent. Her hand has gone still, her gaze fixed on the floor.
"What if you die?"
He pondered over that question over and over the week before he spoke to Erwin. Nothing was permanent in the Recon Corps, he was fully aware of that. He couldn't promise her that he wouldn't die, but he could try.
"I'll try not to."
Mikasa shakes her head, despite the grin fighting its way onto her lips. "You really are a moron." Levi knows that that's her way of saying she's agreed to come along with him. He doesn't show how relieved he is that she accepted. "You're not much better, wanting to come with me and all."
His sentiment earns him a glare for the rest of the evening.
xxxxx
"How old are you, Levi?"
The man turns his gaze from the paperwork in his hands to Mikasa sitting in the chair across from him. She's expectantly waiting for an answer, half-lidded orbs evenly meeting his weary stare. Sighing, Levi set about distracting himself with the files again.
"How did you even get in here? I thought I locked the door. You know that means I have a lot of work to do." In the two years since he joined, the most difficult part of his days surprisingly involved Mikasa. She constantly caused trouble, going in places she didn't belong in, only to have him dig her out of the hole she buried herself in. It wore him to the point where he swears off having children in the future. And when she couldn't find anything else to do (which was quite frequently), she would bother him, completely disregarding the fact that he was busy.
Like right now.
"I picked the lock. And you didn't answer my question."
"I'm so close to throwing you out," he mutters under his breath, jotting a few notes down.
"Then do it," she retaliates, knowing full well he wouldn't do so.
Levi's jaw clenches as his vision flickers to her and back to the document in his grasp. How the hell did this slip of a girl get under his skin so easily? "Why do you want to know so bad?" His tone is sharp, but Mikasa pays no attention to it.
Shrugging, she leans back in her seat, her sable eyes never straying from him. "Curiosity mostly. And boredom. There's only so much I can do here, you know."
"Well it's none of your damn business. And if you're looking for something to do, go to Hanji. I'm sure she can keep you entertained."
"But I'm tired of looking at titans." At this, he drops the paperwork onto his desk, brows furrowing slightly like he didn't just hear her correctly. "I told that woman not to let you near those oversized pieces of shit." Levi swore he made that perfectly clear to Hanji since the day he met her. It obviously hadn't gotten through her thick skull. But really, what grown woman would bring along a thirteen year old girl to see those monsters?
Mikasa exhales, barely revealing her irritation as she leans against his desk. "You're so boring now. You're always too busy doing this and that. What do you expect me to do here? Eat, sleep and shit?"
"And bathe," he adds, reaching for the cup of orange oolong tea he didn't realize she brought in for him until now. The thoughtful gesture almost made him feel guilty for treating her unkindly.
Almost.
But he supposed he could spare some time to please her. Scouting out soldiers for his squad had become rather dull for the past couple of hours.
"Alright. What do you want to do?"
Her glower disappears into shock. She hadn't expected him to give in at all. He had always put work and cleaning over leisure, up to the point where he didn't have any spare time at all. It was a little strange.
"W-Well... you see... I've been meaning to... it's kind of silly th-"
"Just spit it out, Mikasa," he snapped, sharp slate eyes narrowing at the fidgeting girl opposite him. Pink dusted her cheeks as she gathered courage for her request.
"Can you teach me how to fight?"
Brow creasing, Levi rose from his seat and quietly mulled over her question at the window. When he's silent for far too long, Mikasa scrambles to her feet as well, stumbling over her words. "N-Not like fighting titans or... or anything. I just... I've seen you do hand-to-hand combat. And... well..."
Sipping at his tea, Levi observed two soldiers sparring outside. One was a small woman with strawberry blonde hair, the other was a lean man with sandy hair. He remembered that the man had openly disregarded his orders a few days prior, earning him a week worth of shoveling horse shit. Auruo Bossard, he recalls his name, was unexpectedly a good soldier. If only he could learn when to keep his mouth shut.
Levi studied the duo. Each throwing punches and blocking them effortlessly. But the girl was the faster of the two, and Levi smirked as she kicked Auruo's legs out from under him, dirt billowing around him as he lands flat on his back. Serves the bastard right, he muses.
Turning back to Mikasa, Levi places the empty porcelain teacup on his desk. "You understand that this will have to be an everyday thing, correct?"
The implications of his question kindles the brilliant smile currently adorning her lips. It's perhaps the most expressive he's ever seen her. And his palms begin to sweat because it only now registers in his mind that she's downright beautiful. Mikasa throws her arms around his neck in a hug, muttering her thanks to him. But he just feels filthy, filthy, filthy. Forbidden thoughts saturating his brain to the point where he felt the need to wretch.
Swallowing thickly, he carefully pushed her an arms length away.
Ignoring the confusion present in her dark orbs, Levi pressed on. "On the training grounds every day at sunrise. Got it?"
xxxxx
Mikasa only demonstrates to be a natural fighter like him - never skipping a day since he agreed to mentor her, even when she's under the weather. Each day she grows stronger, kicks and punches becoming more violent as she struggles to overpower him. The task proved fruitless though. Levi never lost a spar since he joined the Survey Corps, and he too is only getting more powerful with each passing day.
No praise is ever received on her end, no matter how well she delivers every blow. It continually frustrated her, making her even more driven to gain his appraisal. Levi knew this - he could practically read her like a fucking book - and it made her sloppier than she probably realized.
Mikasa grunted as she fell back onto the hard earth, wrists being pinned down by the short man on top of her. She had attempted to knee him beforehand, but he blocked it with ease, effortlessly forcing her to lose her balance as he swung his leg beneath her.
"Playing dirty now, hm? I thought I taught you better than that, Ackerman."
She scowled. Levi only used her last name when he was upset with her, which happened a lot more frequently nowadays. Writhing underneath him, she accidentally brushed against his cock, stirring unwanted lust within him. The flush of her cheeks, heaving chest, and erratic breathing wasn't helping subdue him either. Releasing his hold on her wrists, he quickly stood up and grabbed his towel before she saw the effect she had on him.
"You're being sloppy. Again. You're supposed to be getting better, not worse," he stated impassively. "That's all for today." Ignoring the sullen look on her face, he left for the mess hall. Erwin joined him along the way.
"She has so much potential," his commander observed. Was he watching them the whole time? Levi felt like he couldn't breathe. He's been having these reactions nearly every time they were done training. She definitely didn't look like a little girl anymore. Her legs longer, hips wider, breasts fuller. It was a fucking nightmare.
And she was taller than him. Literally every aspect about her grated on his last nerve.
He felt like a perverted old man whenever she was in his presence. The desire to drive her up the wall and fuck her senseless, swallowing her screams of passion with his own mouth, was becoming a daily endeavor.
She's way too young, he constantly reminded himself.
But the excuse wasn't working that well anymore. And their fifteen year age difference mattered little. What a depraved man he was turning into.
Erwin's voice put an end to his invasive thoughts.
"If the two of you worked together, well..." Erwin smirked knowingly as they sat down with their breakfast.
Levi stilled before he had the chance to take a bite of his food. Was he...?
"What are you implying?"
"That she should join us. She's past the enlistment age. And we don't have to send her off to the trainee camp. We could just train her here like we did for you."
The grip on his spoon tightened as he silently scrutinized the man across from him. Was this some joke? Erwin knew better than to mess with him. "I refuse," he groused, finally digging into his food.
"It's not up to you, Levi," he responded nonchalantly.
Briefly closing his eyes, Levi stood up and left without another word, immediately losing his appetite. Such a big decision and his commander casually mentioned it like he was talking about the weather at some social event. He'll be damned if Erwin managed to get to Mikasa before he did.
But he never finds her.
Her room is empty and she's not found in his office nor the training grounds. And when Hanji verifies that she hasn't seen her either, he assumes that she just went off to get some fresh air, some peace and quiet. However, when she doesn't show up to practice with him the next morning, dread arises in the pit of his stomach. Mikasa never missed a day no matter what.
She was nowhere to be found again. When he went to check her room to find any clue of where she went off to, he discovers that the coat he gave her long ago was missing. The stubborn brat never left without it. Sighing, the bed dipped under his weight, burying his hands in his hair.
She ran away.
But he'll search for her.
It took him three days to find her, exploring virtually every tavern and alleyway in the nearby city. And when he did, there was something off about her.
Approaching her slowly as not to scare her off, his sharp eyes roamed over her bedraggled appearance. Her face was coated with grime, eyes bloodshot and hollow. The coat, what was left of it, hung limply around her shoulders. But what made his heart still was the fact that her dress and hands were drenched in blood. His hands curled into fists. If someone hurt her, well, he wouldn't hesitate slicing through them.
Mikasa doesn't speak until the next morning.
"I killed them."
Levi blinks. "Who?"
Her hand stops fingering through her long tresses as she glowers at herself in the mirror. "The men who killed my family."
"By yourself?" At her nod, Levi felt his eye twitch in agitation. Did she really take on those three degenerates on her own? Did she have anything to protect herself with? How the hell did she survive? There were dozens of questions running through his head, but he was content knowing that she was safe. And if he was being honest, he felt a little pride. If it weren't for their training, she most likely wouldn't have lived.
"Why did you leave?"
"I..." she hesitated, the expression on her face dejected. "I was mad at you. And I thought I was doing something wrong. So I figured it would be better for you if I left. But then I saw those men again and I remembered when you saved me. I was going to head back, but something in me just... snapped. And I didn't realize I killed them until after it was all over."
"I wasn't angry at you. I was angry at myself." It was the complete truth. The lecherous thoughts plaguing his mind only served to make him lose his temper whenever he was in solitude. The look of fear in her eyes when he brought her back to the inn last night only reminded him how much of a child she still was.
He was glad that she didn't bother to ask why. Instead, she caught his gaze. "I'm sorry about your coat..."
"About that," he started, reaching into the breast pocket of his leather jacket. "I know how much it meant to you, but I couldn't just throw the whole thing away." In his hand was a velvet wine red ribbon. Mikasa immediately recognized the fabric from the lining of the coat. He spent an hour trying to figure out what to do with the article of clothing after she finally went to sleep that night.
Stepping closer to her, his fingers deftly tied the ribbon into her hair. Reaching up to touch the bow, he saw Mikasa's lips turn up into a shy smile in the mirror.
"You like it?"
Pink dusts over her cheeks as she nods blissfully. And he can't help but smile as well.
They arrive back at headquarters at dusk, meeting with Erwin as soon as Levi's horse is back in the stables. After much deliberation between the three, Mikasa agrees to join the Scouting Legion, much to Levi's indisposition.
"You might die," he says as they walk back to their rooms together.
She doesn't reply to him until they're right outside her door. "I know, but you'll protect me. And I'll protect you."
Levi believes he can keep that promise.
xxxxx
He's beyond livid.
His grip around the boy's neck becomes tighter as he pushes him against the wall. This stupid brat, Eren, managed to ruin his fucking day.
"Who the hell do you think you are?"
Eren's hands grasped at Levi's wrist, frantically trying to push it away. "I-I... I don't know w-what you're talking about!" Did this boy really think he was that dumb? Levi could think of no other reason for Mikasa's recent transformation other than because of this son of a bitch. "S-Sir! Please!" Eren's face was turning red as he struggled to breathe.
Reluctantly, he let go of his neck, watching him carelessly crumple to the gritty floor. Eren rubbed at his tender neck, coughing until he began to inhale properly again.
"What did I do?"
"Don't give me that bullshit. You know exactly what you did."
Ever since the one hundred and fourth trainee squad joined almost a year ago, Mikasa was almost never at his side anymore and was at Eren's instead. What was so special about him? To Levi, he was just another inept brat not capable of following his orders. He didn't notice at first, but it all began when she forgot to fetch his nightly tea. Thinking she was just feeling unwell (the dinner served that night wasn't particularly good), he promptly dismissed the notion that she simply forgot.
But no, it only got worse from there. She ate dinner with her new friends, skipped their daily training together, even allowing that awkward boy Jean Kirschtein to flirt with her. Levi wondered what he did so bad to earn this type of punishment.
He held back his tongue, never questioned her about it, watched and waited for this phase to come to an end.
But today was the last straw.
"A-Are you talking about... Mikasa's haircut?"
"Yes that, you moron. Why the fuck would you do that?" he seethed, beginning to see red again.
Eren's bright green eyes widened, fear shaking him to the core. "I thought it would be safer for her." His answer didn't satisfy Levi one bit and the older man left in a huff.
Soldiers pretended not to notice their corporal not in his usual cool, composed state as he passed by them. But he heard the whispers as he sat down in the crowded mess hall, idly pushing his food from one side of the plate to the other in an attempt to ignore the hushed voices. Where the hell did he go wrong? He would never admit it, but when he saw her cropped hair without the ribbon in sight, he had been deeply upset. And now she had a filthy red scarf wrapped around her neck-also clearly from Eren. How could she so easily replace him? The man who saved her from three criminals? The man who took her in when she had nowhere else to go? The man who always put her needs ahead of his?
He stabbed the piece of meat with the dinner knife, cracking the ceramic plate in half in the process.
A figure slid into the seat across from him, but he already knew who it was. He sighed. "What do you want, four eyes?"
Hanji grinned and crossed her arms on the tabletop. "Word has it that someone's a bit angry."
"Fuck off, Hanji."
The woman laughed, stealing a piece of chicken from his plate. "What crawled up your butt today?" Disgusted with his friend's eating habits, he pushed the broken plate towards her, not entirely sure where her hands have been. "It's none of your business."
"As your emotional guardian, it is very much my business."
Levi scowled inwardly. "You're no such thing."
A surprisingly comfortable silence falls between them, until Hanji breaks it of course. "This is about Mikasa, yes?" she prods, shoving another mouthful of chicken into her mouth. When he doesn't respond, she presses on.
"I see the way you look at her. You love her, don't you?"
"What?" He's been guilty of having dirty thoughts about her. He even had to get himself off a few times, which mortified him afterwords. He was still a man, after all. But love her? In that way? Hanji was obviously smoking something to suggest a thing like that.
"I don't love that petulant child."
Hanji rolled her eyes. "She's sixteen now, Levi. And she doesn't act like a little kid. I don't know why you have your panties in a knot over this."
"Can we please stop talking about this?" he fussed, not liking the direction this conversation was heading. But of course Hanji brushes his request aside, continuing with her lecture.
"She likes you too, you know. That's why she's been ignoring you. She's been trying to make you jealous. And methinks it finally worked. Am I correct?" she recites smugly.
Levi stares at her strangely, leg bouncing nervously once hearing this information. "You're just messing with me, aren't you?"
"Quite the contrary. This is just merely from my observations, my friend. She's totally likes you, and that's that. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with that. Age difference or not. My parents are twelve years apart and obviously that didn't stop them from fucking."
If Levi had been drinking something, he definitely would've spit it out.
"Goodbye." He stands up and prepares to leave until Hanji grabs his wrist. "Just tell her how you feel," she urges, sorrow evident in her eyes, "I don't like seeing you upset. Please trust me."
He had never seen her so concerned about him before. Not entirely sure what to say, he shrugs her off and departs to his quarters.
xxxxx
Hanji's words never left his head in the upcoming months.
She likes you too, you know.
He still doesn't believe that, observing her day in and day out every time they're alone in the same room. Her actions display no warmth towards him anymore. And it pains him considerably knowing that she wants their friendship to be over.
Comrades who happened to know each other from a different life. That's all they were now. Levi would never allow her to see just how deeply her wishes have affected him.
She's been trying to make you jealous.
Jealous he was, all right. He came to terms with that unpleasant feeling weeks ago. But with the purpose of making him want her more? No.
His expression remains as impassive as ever every time he notices her alone with Yeager or Kirschtein, sometimes even with other boys he's never seen nor spoken to before. Shy smiles directed towards Eren makes him have the strong urge to pound his fist into the wall. And he did so once, forced to go to the infirmary right after for his broken hand. She doesn't even ask what happened to him when she brings him tea that evening.
He's sitting on the steps with Petra a few days later, monitoring the courtyard, with the sun beating down on them as they ate the lunch she prepared. That's when he spots them. Kirschtein, determination set in his features, makes his way over to Mikasa, carrying a pathetic excuse for a bouquet of flowers in his clammy hands. Levi can't stand to look at the pair when she pulls him into an embrace far too intimate for his liking.
You love her, don't you?
He does, in a friendly way at least. He's not sure what romantic love is supposed to feel like. Which is also why he can't let anything transpire between them.
Levi wouldn't know what to do with himself if they were together and she died. How would she react if he died? It would only be worse if they decided to date. Something would always be holding him back. His judgment would be clouded every time they went out on another expedition. He witnessed that time and time again, a soldier in the clutches of a titan, only to have their loved one try to save them. It usually led to both of their deaths.
He couldn't do that to either of them.
It's a frigid, stormy night when he summons her to his office. It was difficult to locate her nowadays, so he left a note on her door, telling her to come by around eight that night. He was hoping to settle whatever rift was between them once and for all.
He's leaning against the windowpane, sipping at his coffee when she enters the room silently. The glow from the oil lamp softens the inhospitable expression on her face, accentuating every curve of her body. "You called for me, sir?" Her hands are clasped in front of her, and something catches his eye. It's the same blood red ribbon, tied beautifully around her left wrist. So she never got rid of it, he muses, becoming more elated by the second.
Levi cleared his throat, setting the cup amidst the piles of paper on his desk. "I wanted to apologize for whatever I did to make you so upset with me. I admit that I don't recall doing anything to hurt your feelings, but nevertheless, I hope you have it in yourself to forgive me."
Mikasa tugs the scarf over her mouth, but it's not enough to conceal her rosy cheeks. "You didn't do anything, Levi."
His brow creased in confusion. "Then what is it? Why are you ignoring me? I thought we were friends."
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because ire instantly flares onto her features and her hands are clenched into fists. What the hell did he say wrong? "We are," she eventually bites out.
"Could've fooled me. You spend more time with Yeager and Kirschtein in a day than you do with me in a week. And I thought you were a shy woman, but no, you're off flirting with about every man here. Especially with those two brats though, which I don't understand if we're being honest here. You can do a lot better tha-"
His breath gets knocked out of him when she shoves him against the wall, clumsily pressing her lips to his. Levi's too shocked to do anything. And even if he wanted to kiss her back, she didn't give him enough time to respond in the first place. Levi wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, bewildered that that sorry excuse of a kiss just happened.
Her face is flushed after she pulls away. But her hands soon shove at his chest again, clearly still angry with him. "I like you, you idiot!"
So Hanji really was right all along.
But he can't give in. Soldiers weeping over the corpse of their loved ones flashed through his mind once again. Shaking his head, he attempted to force the memories to disappear. "I can't do this, Mikasa."
Crestfallen, she took a tentative step towards from him. "But... why?"
"I just can't."
"Cut the bullshit, Levi. Tell me." Her voice is firm, making it evident that she wouldn't return to her room until she retrieved a satisfactory answer from him.
He sighed. "You're just... too young. And even if anything did happen, I don't know if I'd be able to keep going on with my life if you died. I've seen it happen too many times to count. It's inevitable, Mikasa."
Scoffing, the girl in question crossed her arms defiantly. "I don't care how old you are. That shouldn't matter," she hesitates for a second, "And I understand where you're coming from. But... I still want to try. Don't you?"
It was becoming increasingly difficult to resist her. "No."
Tears begin to glisten in her eyes. And he wants to reach out to wipe them away, but he steels himself, stiffly keeping his arms locked at his sides. Just a little bit longer, and he was sure she would leave.
"Do you love me?" she asks quietly, nervously toying with the ends of the ribbon. Her inquiry catches him off guard. Should he lie? Would the truth do more harm than good? A roll of thunder vibrated through them as he struggled to make his decision. No. He couldn't lie to her about something serious like this.
"Yes," he whispers.
Mikasa's starless eyes widened at him in disbelief, a pink hue coloring her cheeks once again.
"Will you wait for me?"
He was done for, that was for sure. It was inescapable since say one. Fate was a cruel and beautiful thing, much like the world they lived in. And Levi didn't feel like fighting back anymore, not right now at least. So he would wait until the fighting was over. Or until he just couldn't take it anymore.
"Yes."
xxxxx
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