Jimmy is about to fall asleep when he hears a familiar knocking on his door. He smiles to himself he knows who it is, He gets up to go let Ben in. It's pretty late, around two in the morning. He was talking to Felix most of the night, well, until felix decided to go creep on lourdis. He opened the door and turned to go back to his bed.

A hand grabbed his arm and spun him around; a rough hard kiss assaulting his lips. His brows almost made to crash together with how fast they knitted. He finally realized what was happening and he pushed back into the kiss. He felt a tongue, ben's tongue, lick across his lips demanding entrance and he opened his mouth. He sucked and kissed into ben's warm mouth. Not knowing what to do with his hands he wrapped his arms around bens's neck. ben ended the kiss with a slight lick and tug on his bottom lip.

Jimmy unhinged his arms and stepped back, he rubbed his lips softly with the pads of his fingers. They were puffy and sensitive. He licked his bottom lip and looked quizzically at ben.

"What was that for? What's the occasion? Like, I know I'm like…irresistible and everything but, that was totally out of character. Not that I'm complaining because god it was incredible" he flailed his arms around and fell backwards on his bed. He sat back up after he noticed ben hadn't said anything since he came in.

"ben?" ben was looking out the window into the woods facing towards jimmys room. Just standing there like a statue. jimmy got up and rubbed a hand gently up over bens spikes. "You ok?"

ben turned around and cupped jimmys' face in his hands, staring into his eyes. They stayed like that for a while. Staring into each others eyes. jimmy looking worried and ben his typical indecipherable expression. A moment later ben was kissing him again, but this time it was soft, sweet. He was lightly kissing jimmy on his chin and jaw line, then back to his lips; all while taking steps forward, jimmy cooperatively stepping backwards until they fell into his bed.

Any other moment jimmys mind would be going a mile a minute. He and ben had made out before, but never like this. This meant something, this was more than one of their typical exchange of kisses. He exhaled shakily when he felt bens hand slide into the back of his jeans and squeeze his ass. Almost as if he was on auto-pilot he undid his pants and pulled them off. During that ben must have found time to remove his top and jacket, but jimmy never felt his lips leave.

ben was now kissing down his jaw trailing down to his neck and licked his collar bones. He slid his hands into bens hair pulling his head back up and kissed him until ben slipped back down kissing down his sternum to his navel. He let out a slight moan and turned his head away.

"ben…I…I don't"

"Shhhh…"

"ben. I don't know if"

ben looked up from were he was tracing over the slight definition on jimmys abdomen and reached up to turn jimmys' head to his gaze. "Do you trust me jimmy?" it was almost a whisper. jimmy nodded and felt the tears in his eyes. Why am I crying? "I - i trust you ben".

-timeSkip-

ben fell back into the pillows on the bed and jimmy got up to wipe himself off. When jimmy returned he climbed into bed and placed his head on bens chest, trailing his fingers around the carves of bens chest and abs. "I love you" he said turning to look up at ben. He was practically grinning from ear to ear. bens frown wiped it off his face.

"ben, what's wrong?"

"You need to stop saying that"

jimmy brows knitted together. "What?"

"Stop saying you love me. You don't"

jimmy was frowning now, he sat up and looked at ben for a long time before speaking.

"ben.. what are you talking about you know i do"

"I knew this was a mistake, I should've just left"

jimmy got up off the bed completely this time and slipped back into his briefs. He wasn't feeling so comfortable anymore. Something was extremely off. What did ben mean 'he should've left?'

"ben what are you talking about?" he was walking around to the other side of the bed watching ben get dressed. "Where are you going?" ben ignored him and was focusing on buttoning his pants. jimmy grabbed his hands and held them.

"ben! Talk to me…please" he gazed into bens eyes but he turned his head away.

"I'm leaving again"

jimmy cocked his head, "Ok, you've gone before no big-"

"And I'm not coming back" he interrupted looking back at jimmy.

jimmy felt his heart drop, "Is it something I did? ben is it something I said?"

ben softly pulled jimmys hand off of him and reached for his shirt. He kept his eyes from the younger boys gaze. jimmy reached out to turn his head back and ben grabbed his wrist.

"Don't!…don't touch me please jimmy"

"What the fuck do you mean don't touch you? Newsflash, we just made love you idiot. That requires A LOT of touching."

ben let him go and mumbled something after slipping his shirt on over his head.

"What?" jimmy asked missing what the stubborn boy had said. ben looked down at him and breathed heavily through his nose.

"I said we fucked. I fucked you, you loved it and that was it. We didn't-we didn't make love" He bent down and started putting his boots on, still never looking at jimmy.

jimmy blinked and played what he just heard over and over again in his head.

"ben…what?" his voice was beginning to crack.

"jimmy!" he said his name as if he was speaking to an intolerable kindergartener. "I'm leaving. I came to say goodbye. But it was a mistake. I had fun with you and your friends but I'm leaving"

jimmy bit his bottom lip and rubbed his hair frantically. Then suddenly the worry had turned to anger.

"Fun? You had fun with me ben? That's what you're calling this? You're fucking lying. You love me just as much as I love you!" he was shouting now.

"I don't love you jimmy"

"Don't say that! Don't you fucking say that ben! You don't get to come here and do this to me. Why are you doing this to me?" he looked down at his trembling hands

jimmy didn't know tears were flowing from his eyes until he was catching them in his palms. He looked up at ben who was now definitely looking at him.

"jimmy, everything we've done…it's been a mistake. Me ever coming back here was a mistake. I'm not needed here. So I'm leaving." He looked away again

jimmy fell to his knees and sputtered, it felt like someone had punched him in the stomach.

"ben I…I need you, please don't, don't go please don't go." He begged.

"jimmy you're a child we both are you don't know what you want"

"Now I'm a child? Was I a child a few minutes ago" jimmy said weakly pointing at the bed behind him. ben was quiet for a moment.

"That shouldn't have happened" ben said coldly

"But it did. ben i do love you! and im not sorry for saying it, okay im not sorry that i met you, im not sorry that knowing you had made me question everything,that near death your the one that made me feel most alive" more tears threatening to fall

"you've been a horrible person, you've made all the wrong fucking choice and out of all the choice that iv made this will prove to be the worst but im not sorry that im in love with you ben! just please dont go"

ben walked over and picked him up off the floor; he wiped jimmys burning cheeks that were saturated with tears. jimmy grabbed his shirt and bunched it up in his hands. "Don't leave me, ben I'll do anything. I'll…I'll go with you!" he said looking up into bens hazel eyes. "I know you can feel it. I'm not lying. ben, I'll go with you! I'll leave this fucking place!"

ben knew he wasn't lying. But he couldn't do that. Take jimmy away from people who cared about him, thought of him as son. no this place is jimmys home. He was wanted here.

"jimmy, you're gonna have to move on. We can never be together, move on from me." he unhinged jimmy fingers from his shirt and walked over to the door. jimmy was a wreck. He couldn't see past his burning tears and his heart was thumping in his ears.

"ben, if you fucking leave, I swear if you fucking leave. I'll…"

"Bye jimmy" ben opened the door and left. jimmy shot from the bed and rushed over to the door and saw nothing. No ben. Nothing. Just the empty hall and the faint glow of the sun coming up threw the small windows.

jimmy couldn't breathe; it was as if his heart had stopped. He braced himself on the door frame and tried to catch his breath. bens gone. He left me. He never loved me. He used me. "I'm so fucking stupid!" he shouted and kicked his desk over knocking all of its materials to the floor.

"I'm such a fucking idiot!" he picked his gun off the floor and threw it into the wall, smashing it into large pieces. He ripped the sheets off his bed and threw them out the window. "I'm nothing to him! Nothing to anyone!" he pushed his book shelf over, it crashing loudly to the floor. Books scattered everywhere.

He picked up a random book and opened it, randomly tearing pages out the book. "Fuck! I'm fucking done. I'm fucking done! I can't do this anymore!" he walked around the room He stopped at the picture of him and ben. His stomach tightened and he vomited on the floor.

jimmy in his frenzy didn't hear the door down the hall open and the sound of someone running up. waver burst through jimmys door gun in hand looking around the room only to see him violently vomiting. He flung his gun over his shoulder and slowly approached jimmy.

"jimmy"

"Get the fuck away from me!" jimmy said looking up, eyes red and bulging with anger and misery, his entire body was shaking and he was tracking blood around the room. He had cut his foot on something on the floor. weaver had never seen him like this, he had no idea what to do. He especially didn't know what to do when jimmy charged past him, across the hall and into the nearest toilet. He chased after him and reached for the knob. The door was locked.

"jimmy! jimmy. JIMMY BOLAND let me in!"

He got no response. Instead this was a shattering sound of glass, then silence.

He stood back and prepared to run the door down until a raw scream filled the silence of the early morning.

i know ben's being a asshole at the moment but dont freak its gonna get better. hopefully