Ben was digging through his duffel bag looking for his toothpaste, quickly losing his patience. He was pretty sure he packed a tube before he left. He gave up on looking for it and slammed the bag shut.

This was always a ritual for him. He always went on autopilot whenever he brushed his teeth. it was a time to think things over, he never really had time to think to just sit back and ponder over things happening in his life. His mind b-lined straight for Jimmy.

I didn't think jimmy would take me leaving so bad. He has the second mass his family, and friends. I thought I was doing the right thing. He really fucking hates me. I was only looking out for him. If I-if we would've gotten too serious it would've ended badly. Well, guess that still happened.

Ben clenched and un-clenched his jaw grinding his teeth together. Who was that fucking joke with him? Touching all over him. jimmy is MINE. Only I can touch him like that. I need to get him back. I love jimmy. He's mine. Not his. Ben could feel his spikes lighting up and decided it was time to cool down a bit.

Food was on his mind. He hadn't eaten since had found the 2nd mass. He showered and got dressed, swiped his hand gun off the small counter in the room and headed out.

The mess hall was probably filled with adults and fighters getting back from late night patrols, so he decided to go to one of the rooms that sells out food. He knew he was only going into camp in hopes of seeing jimmy, but he tried to tell himself that it was for the food too. When he arrived at the building, the one closest to jimmys area, he noticed only a few people were around. But it wasn't much of a surprise; ben woke up pretty early and the last of the human population planned on staying in bed. Luckily for ben, he wasn't completely human as people would put it.

When he gets inside He froze when he smelt a familiar scent.him. He looked around and followed the sent to the other side of the room.

He approached connor who was standing with two boxes of popcorn in his hands looking at both of them with a confused ogle.

ben stood next to him and brought his eyes to the boxes, "jimmy hates anything that isn't one hundred percent" he said smugly

connor shook his head and snorted putting both boxes back.

"And exactly how would you know that?" he asked sarcastically

"Well, you know, I do know him better than you do" ben said turning his head to look at connor, who was already glaring at him.

"Lets skip the bullshit ben, why are you here?" connor folded his arms and narrowed his eyes.

"You know why I'm here" ben said looking over connor's body quickly. He was slightly taller than ben. His body was nice, a little toned, he clearly worked out. A strong, healthy guy. But ben could still rip him like a piece of paper.

Connor jutted his head out and knitted his brows, "If it's about jimmy you can forget about it, he's with me. Someone who actually cares about him"

ben could hear the boys' heartbeat kicking up a bit.

"He doesn't love you", bens face was expressionless as he said it.

connor looked away quickly and then back.

"Yes he does". ben could hear the uncertainty.

"Look, how about you just leave, I'm sure you're a nice guy and everything but I'm back now-"

"Dude, don't fucking talk to me like I'm a child. I've had to put jimmy back together after the mess you made of him. So don't come back here and expect everything to go back to how you left it."

ben looked away. When he heard connor preparing to leave he asked quietly, "What did jimmy do? …To himself I mean." He looked up.

connor grabbed the extra butter box of popcorn and dropped it in his basket with the other things he had filled it up with. connor looked at ben and cocked his head as he started walking away. "You ask him, you caused it". And with that he turned to the next aisle.

ben pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. He wanted to do nothing more than throw the younger man through every shelf in the room and force the answer out of him. But he couldn't hurt connor. As badly as his instincts wanted to tear him to shreds, he couldn't. He'd never get jimmy back that way.

How am I going to get close to jimmy with connor always around? He saw connor pass by the aisle again swiftly and grinned to himself. If he wanted a chance to speak to jimmy he'd have to move fast.

jimmy was in the basement of the house laying some movies he found and placing the blankets down in front of the couches facing the tv screen.

He stood back and looked over everything. He couldn't wait to watch the Bourne movie…again. No matter what connor said it was still awesome even though Matt Damon wasn't in it.Where is connor?

Almost as if to answer his question he heard the basement door's open, he went and plopped into the seat.

"About time! I was beginning to think you were still mad at me for forgetting to find ''The Chronical" he said

"He likes 'The Chronical'?"

jimmy practically jumped out the chair and knocked over the movies he had out.

"ben what the fuck are you-how did you get in?" he half yelled then covered his mouth remembering people were upstairs sleeping.

ben came up close to him and he took a step back. "Why are you here?"

"I needed to see you" ben said stepping another step closer causing jimmy to take another step back.

jimmy clenched his hands into fist. "Well you've seen me…now go" he lifted his head to seem more confident.

"jimmy you don't mean that" ben took another step forward. jimmy shivered, bens eyes seemed to be looking into his soul. Seeing everything jimmy was trying to hide. How scared he was, how much we wanted this to stop, he much he didn't want it to. He took another step back his backing hitting the wall. "ben….just…don't"

ben crowded jimmy putting his hand on the wall beside his head and bent in close, "jimmy…I'm sorry"

"ben…I'm…no" he tired to push ben's chest to move him away but he didn't budge. ben ran his other hand across jimmys face as he looked fiercely into his eyes. "I'm sorry for what I did. I was wrong", he leaned in closer.

jimmy knew Ben could hear his heartbeat beating heavily. Not swiftly, but slowly and hard pumps. He jerked his face away from Ben's touch.

"Ben don't, don't touch me. You lost that right. I gave you my body and you destroyed it. I trusted you."

"jimmy I told you I didn't know…fuck jimmy…I didn't mean to hurt you!" his spikes flashed blue. "I left to save you, to help you and everyone else!"

jimmy frowned and stepped directly into ben looking him eye to eye. "ben you left for you,you were scared. Don't make this seem like it's my fault", he scrubbed his face with his hands, "This is your fault!" he could feel his body shaking with anger. He felt a strong hand grab his wrist and lift it up.

"No jimmy! YOU did this" ben pulled jimmys sleeve down and shook his arm. jimmy looked away. "Get off me" he whispered.

"No. You can blame me for a lot of shit. Ok, fine. I broke your heart. I'll accept and own up to that. But you, you did this-fuck- jimmy you're not even the type to do this. Do you know this breaks my heart?"

"Get the fuck off me ben" jimmy said his voice trembling. He felt his throat swelling up.

"Why jimmy? Why did you do this?

"let go"

"Tell me why jimmy!" Ben said grabbing jimmy face to turn it to face his. jimmy broke.

'Because I wasn't myself! I had to fucking let the pain out ben! I had to get that fucking burning feeling out of me. Have you ever felt lost inside of yourself? Have you ever fucking watched yourself crumble from the inside? Seeing yourself on the outside? I was drowning. It was TOO FUCKING MUCH FOR ME BEN" he snatched his wrist away.

ben backed away like flame just ignited in front of his face. jimmy was different. He didn't hide his feelings with silence anymore. When he felt it he gave it to you full force. Ben shook his head.

"jimmy…that's not my fault. I…I didn't make you do that. You did that."

jimmy rubbed his wrist before speaking, quietly this time.

"I gave you my body; I've never shared myself like that with anyone. I trusted you. You asked me if I fucking trusted you, and I you used me, and didn't think twice. You took a piece of me with you when you left Ben Mason!" jimmy was crying hysterically again. ben looked like a lonely sick kitten.

"jimmy I never meant to hurt you. I love you"

"No! No! I hate you! You don't give a fuck about m-" ben lunged forward and frantically grabbed jimmy pulling him in and kissing him. jimmy was fighting, punching Ben's chest and kicking his legs but ben kept kissing him, holding him tight and close.

Suddenly he stopped fighting, his body falling into Ben's embrace. He grabbed at the back of Ben's head and pulled him in closer, kissing back into Ben's lips with force, hope,love, pain.

The feel of Ben's neck spikes rubbing against his fingers awoken something in him. The smell of ben's jacket, the feel of Bens hands gripping his waist. He gripped tighter when he felt his own tears slicking Ben's face. Something deep inside him ignited, he shivered and moaned into the bruising kiss.

They kept kissing until they had to break apart for air. jimmy let out a shivery breath as he dropped his head onto Ben's shoulder.

"I fucking hate you" he whispered, "I hate you".