"So, you're gonna call me before you go to bed right?"

Jimmy nodded and forced a small smile to Connor who was standing on the porch. He usually stayed overnight with jimmy but tonight he needed his space. The whole situation with Ben and Weaver was a lot to deal with. On top of connor clearly knowing that he had kissed Ben, he really just needed some space to put things together. So connor was going to stay at his own room for the night.

"Call me before you go to bed?" connor asked again, biting his lip

"Yeah…sure" jimmy said keeping the smile on his face

"Alright, love you" connor said leaning in stealing a quick kiss on jimmys forehead and heading of across camp. jimmy's smile quickly fell into an exhausted expression. He shut the door and began walking up the steps quietly. He was pretty sure weaver was back in his room. He was hoping that he was a sleep so he wouldn't have to deal with him. He couldn't make it through anymore arguing. He was emotionally drained. Somehow Ben always managed to make him feel like this. Drained, tired. Whether it was loving him too much, or worrying about him. Fucking Ben.

He reached the platform of the third story and walked past weavers room as quick as possible to avoid anymore confrontation. He wouldn't have to deal with this if he had his own place. But after his…accident, he had been in and out of therapy sessions and weaver wanted to keep an eye on him. He was on multiple different types of medications to balance out his mood. He didn't have it in him to deal with that patrolling.

Jimmy was just about to open the door to his room when he heard a clearing of the throat. He looked behind him to see weaver standing in the doorway of his bedroom with his arms folded. He looked sad, and jimmy could tell he was about to apologize, well, the way weaver knew how to apologize. He really didn't think he'd be able to handle anymore.

"Weaver I…I just want to shower and sleep."

"Jimmy…I'm sorry, I saw Ben and I just. Took it out on you and I just…I'm sorry." Weaver said his voice wavering. Jimmy shook his head lightly and walked over to embrace Weaver. He couldn't imagine what it must have been like for weaver to see him in the state he was in. For him to be worried about losing another person so close to him; Like Family. They didn't have anyone else but each other.

His held back the on coming tears and patted weaver on the back. "I'm sorry; I wasn't thinking straight, you're right. I'm…you were right".

Weaver looked like he wanted to speak again but he just nodded and stepped back into his room shutting the door. jimmy walked to his bedroom door opening it and heading straight for the bed. He flopped down on the bed, shut his eyes and exhaled. He balled up his left fist and frantically ran his other hand through his hair when he felt a cool draft breeze through his room. He exhaled and looked straight up at the ceiling.

"You're not supposed to be here…" he said

"I couldn't…" jimmy leaned up off his bed and looked at his door where Ben must have been hiding when he walked in. He looked nervous and troubled, as if something was bothering him.

"Ben, you were supposed to leave, why are you-", Ben stepped forward and raised his hand silencing Jimmy.

"Do you…do you think I raped you?" Jimmy raised his brows and shook his head. Ben looked directly at him with an unconvinced stare. "Jimmy I…what happened that night"

Jimmy jumped out of the bed a few feet away from Ben. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He never would have thought Ben would come to him with this. Not this. He looked down and away from Ben before speaking.

"Ben, like you said. I can blame you for a lot of things…for you being impossible to speak to, for being so guarded, untrusting…. But…that. You didn't do that." Jimmy said confidently. Ben took a deep breath and rubbed his palms against his jeans quickly.

"I don't Jimmy…I don't know if that's true I…you were too young, we Both were and I…you didn't know what you wanted", Jimmy looked up eyes blazing. He was sick of hearing that. He didn't want to hear that anymore.

"You know…everyone is quick to speak highly of my intelligence." Jimmy said with a wry smile. "To discuss how 'smart' I am.

Ben exhaled, not daring to pull his attention away from Jimmy.

"But for some fucking reason, when it comes to my relationships; that goes out the window" Jimmy smirked at the irony and rubbed his cheeks. They were burning.

"When it came to you, I was suddenly a child again, unable to rationalize, and make choices. That I was blind with love. Ben you know that's a lie."

Ben licked his lips and finally spoke, "Jimmy, our thing...it wasn't right." Jimmy could have burst out laughing but he chuckled instead not wanting to possibly alert weaver.

"Our thing Ben? So what, now you want to believe that you took advantage of me? That 'stupid jimmy the dumbass' got caught up in a little crush and lost all his senses? That I had no idea what I was getting myself into?That you raped me Ben?"

Ben looked away and clenched his jaw. "That's not what I said…"

Jimmy could see his thoughts going a mile a minute.

"Regardless of anything you say, you and I made love that night. That was only two years ago, and I feel exactly the same…about…what happened. I gave myself to you and you gave some of yourself to me. Weaver said what he said to hurt you, and it's not like you don't deserve some hurt. But not like that…that was wrong."

ben looked back at him and nodded, clearly accepting what jimmy was saying as true. jimmy looked away when ben looked at him like that, soft eyed and open, he wanted to run over and embrace ben, to let him know that what he had been feeling was wrong. To take the hurt away from him. But he couldn't, not after everything. How could he take someone else hurt away when he was still hurting? He always put everyone before himself. That's what had gotten him here in the first place. He softened his intent look and rubbed his neck. He never got to ask his question earlier.

"When you said, that my love was hurting you…what did you mean?" he asked, Ben looked up at him and jimmy saw the shift in his eyes, the way his body stiffened. The familiar wall had gone up. The way ben's body tensed slightly. They weren't going to get anywhere. They shouldn't get anywhere. But it was so frustrating, Ben comes back and tries to force himself into his life, then chooses when he wants to be open about his feelings.

"jimmy, I should go. Don't worry about that. It was nothing"

"It was something, tell me ben", Jimmy was shaken when Ben frowned and looked irritated

"Why do you even care jimmy? You've made it pretty clear that you don't want me. My feelings shouldn't concern you" he moved towards the bedroom window before being stopped by jimmy pushing back on his chest.

"You don't get to fucking pick and choose when you show me your feelings, no, not after everything"

"I shouldn't have come back here…but what weaver said. I just needed to make sure. I'm leaving now"

"No you're not…ben you're doing it again!" jimmy said loudly but not loud enough for weaver to hear, he was probably asleep anyway.

"jimmy move"

"No…I…ben. I…" jimmy pulled ben in and kissed him, frantically running his fingers through the Olders thick Blond hair and pulling him impossibly closer. His lips were searching and pulling for a response but couldn't find one. ben wasn't kissing him back.

"ben kiss me…kiss me back…please" jimmy said pulling at ben's collar as he kissed harder. ben grabbed jimmys wrist and pulled his hands off, lightly pushing him away. "jimmy…stop"

"No, I don't care anymore ben, I want you. I never stopped wanting you", jimmy pulled his shirt off and threw it to the floor. He reached and tried to remove Ben's jacket but his hand were stopped by Ben grabbing his arms.

"Jimmy, stop this"

"Please kiss me Ben, I'm…I'm sorry I just need-." ben shook him and looked in his eyes sternly. jimmy could feel his own heart beating frantically and his knees getting weak, he knew how pitiful he looked, but ben couldn't leave him again. He wouldn't let him.

"benI don't give a fuck about any of them I only want you, just you", ben closed his eyes and exhaled. When he opened his eyes jimmy saw something that scared him, it terrified him.

bens eyes were filling with tears, and they were red, A sad red, full of pain. Regret, guilt. In all of the time Jimmy knew ben he had never shown a sign of weakness. ben was the strong dominant person. Nothing could break him. Nothing but…

ben pulled jimmy in close against his chest and embraced him. His voice was wrecked and pained as he spoke.

"jimmy…I really fucked you up…I'm sorry...I'm so sorry"