Ben's P.O.V of last chapter.

It had been a few days since ben had seen jimmy. He'd decided to take a step back and look at the situation before him. jimmy was different now, he wasn't the same closed off intense little shit that ben had known him to be. His one strong unyielding wall of confidence was gone as well.

The jimmy he knew, the jimmy he thought he left behind when he went. wasn't there anymore. And he'd have to act as such.

He had thought that he'd just be able to come back and claim what was his. Surely jimmy would be waiting for him. But when jimmy had rejected him and turned him away for connor, claiming to have moved on he had moved to his next plan which involved taking. So that's what he did, he pushed jimmy up against the wall and kissed him, reminding him of what it felt like. To show him that he did want this. That he wanted ben. jimmy had even kissed him back, and at the moment it felt right, until he told ben he hated him.

ben heard the stutter in his heart beat, he knew it was a lie. But that didn't change the fact that jimmy had said it; said it as if he wished that he actually could hate ben. The lie was true, but ben couldn't help but to think that the thought was true as well.

But he pushed it to the side when connor had interrupted. Coming inside soaking wet and furious, the flicker of his eyes from ben to jimmy was enough for ben to know that connor knew what had happened between them just moments before he walked in. But he had decided to address ben instead.

weaver coming downstairs didn't make it any better. The initial shock of him appearing was enough to make him quiver a bit, but the fierylook of disdain he was given, made everything that much worse. It showed him how truly...fucked up he had left things.

weaver threatening him had been one thing, but the fact that jimmy had told him about the hybrid alien incident and fact that they had sex had caused his heart to stutter. The jimmy he knew would never in a million years tell weaver about all the alien things happening to him. The jimmy he knew would have taken it all to the grave.

Until what weaver said played over in his head.

"..you raped him"

"You took advantage of him"

It had been so new, so unexpected. The dominant voice in his head told him to ignore weavers words. To let them roll of his shoulder, because he knew he didn't rape jimmy. He didn't take advantage of him. But the smaller voice in his head spoke to him with more conviction, telling him that he did rape jimmy. That he did take advantage of him.

The small voice was relentless. For something so soft, so low, it easily over powered the louder voice until all he could hear was multiple small voices, whispering through the many cracks and crevices of his mind.

He tried speaking to himself. Telling himself that he was fine that he didn't take jimmy and he needed to, for a lack of better words, cut it the fuck out. But of course he lost to the smaller self, being unsure of his own character.

If he was going to feel this way, he needed to feel this way because the person who he had allegedly "taken advantage" of said so.

ben liked to tell himself that leaving had changed him for the better. That he had actually gained some type of development of character. weavers words shouldn't have even have been able to do this to him. But yet, here he was heading back in the direction of the house.

He walked a few houses down and ran the rest of the way. When he got close to the house he could hear them speaking inside.

"...Just want to shower and sleep"

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight"

He made his way around the house and climbed quickly up the wall and through jimys window before the door opened and stood adjacent from it. Just then the younger man stumbled through, yes man, jimmy wasn't a boy anymore, and flopped on to his bed. It was just a few seconds before he made it known that he was aware of bens presence.

That's when ben confronted him about what weaver had said.

"Do you...do you think I raped you?"

"ben, like you said. I can blame you for a lot of things…for you being impossible to speak to, for being so guarded, untrusting…. But…that. You didn't do that."

That should've been enough for him. At that he should've accepted what jimmy had said and moved on. But again his insecurity got in the way and he questioned him again. Telling him that he couldn't have possibly known the decision he was knew he was wrong saying this. But his brain to mouth filter was jammed.

"You know…everyone is quick to speak highly of my intelligence. To discuss how smart I am'. But for some fucking reason, when it comes to my relationships; that goes out the window"

jimmys words had left him speechless. The aggravated assertion in his eyes as he spoke ensnared ben.

"When it came to you, I was suddenly a child again, unable to rationalize, and make choices. That I was blind with love. ben you know that's a lie."

They bantered a bit more after that, with jimmy helping ben come to the realization that he hadn't raped him.

And then..

And then jimmy had asked him about what he meant. What he meant when he had said that jimmy's love was hurting him. And ben just didn't want to go there. Not yet, he didn't deserve to talk about his feelings. Mentioning it had been wrong before, he had no right. ben was the only one who deserved to be hurt, to express and react to what he was feeling. And he had stayed too long as it was. So he told jimmy he was leaving.

And jimmy reacted.

Grabbing him by his collar and wrenching him into a kiss, the kiss wasn't what ben wanted. It wasn't sweet, it wasn't soft. It was aggressive and desperate. Too harsh and too heavy. The kind of kiss pornstars gave each other, with all the intent there but none of the actual feeling...or love.. Not what he wanted. Then jimmy began begging and pleading for him to kiss him back. He fucking started taking his clothes off. So ben stopped him.

He grabbed his wrists and stopped him.

"ben I don't give a fuck about any of them I only want you, just you" he said. It wasn't a lie. And that was a problem.

ben didn't like using hi body to lure ben in. The kissing, the taking his clothes off. Ok, so ben didn't rape him. But the sexual advancements were starting to bother him. How easily jimmy was willing to give himself to ben again. Even after talking about what him leaving had put him through.

jimmy still wanted him. The change of his heartbeat when he and ben were in the same room was the same as before. The faint smell of arousal filling the room was the same as well. But this person jimmy had become in his absence..because of his absence isn't what he wanted.

Seeing this broken person in front of him. Bearing a broken soul and offering it up again, to possibly be wrecked again bothered him. It angered him to know that this was his fault. That he had done this. This wasn't his jimmy. This was someone else. The shell of someone he once knew.

This isn't what he wanted. So he was going to take a step back and look at the situation before him. And figure out how to fix this.

Figure out how to get his jimmy back.

thankyou for All the reviews and i really hope you like where the story is going, dont worry things will get better i promise.

until then keep reviewing please! it helps to know people are reading and liking and i will see you soon:)