"Thanks. I'm gonna uh, fill these out and bring them back on...Wednesday?"
The young girl at the information tent smiled and nodded. "You got it, my names Michelle so if you need me I'll be here again on Wednesday. I'll get you all registered and we can go on from there." She smiled and nodded again. jimmy thanked her and responded to her smile with a slight upturn of his lips and moved out of line.
He made his way out the tent keeping to himself and trying to avoid as many crowds as possible on his way to his room.
He wasn't in a smiling or speaking mood at all. He actually hasn't been for two years. It wasn't that he hasn't been happy for two years, but more of him having to dealing with a lingering sadness. A shadowing depression that sat at the back of his mind and never seemed to go away.
had recommended a few things; like maybe taking up painting, or exercise, maybe even writing things out. But what was the point of it all when he had no motivation behind it?No will.
He would go on jogs with connor, the other man usually having to drag him out of bed and beg to him to come along but he did it. Not because he wanted to, but because he knew it'd make connor happy. weaver as well.
Ann didn't like that report...
The therapy sessions he was involved in now weren't as...intense as the ones he had taken a year ago, but Maggie had demanded that he continue on with it. So the meetings that were once scheduled for everyday became scattered throughout the month.
He still had to take his anti-depressants.
Which he was pretty sure weaver, maggie and connor would soon notice that he had stopped taking about a month ago. He didn't fucking like them. They tasted like shit and they made him put on weight; and they didn't really make him happy. They just made him numb. So instead of feeling sadness he just felt...nothing.
jimmy started across another camp site, He had decided from the moment he left his room that he wanted to go to the feild. To see the other children play football and shriek excitedly when one of them almost got tagged.
Younger Children made him happy. Their innocence. Their extraordinary privilege to be completely naive and trusting of the world around them, save for 'strangers' and scary dogs. He had once been like that, everyone had. Even ben. But there comes a point when it's taken. Innocence snatched from small, underdeveloped fingers and suddenly you're pushed into this world of...responsibility, and fear, war and death and Aliens. And suddenly the world isn't so bright and colorful anymore.
It helped him to constantly be reminded that someone was genuinely and completely happy. To see someone at their best. And that would always be children.
All of his depression wasn't completely because of ben. Which people like connor, weaver and even ben himself couldn't seem to believe. Sure, ben had been the catalyst for it. But every single thing that made jimmys' eyes suddenly go dead or body slump forward wasn't because of ben leaving him. There were an array of things.
How his family had just died. How one day they was here. And then the next day they was gone. Him having to fend for himself a lot of the time.
There was him not being where he should be in life right now. Where he wanted to be. How everyone else seemed to be moving ahead and he was still stuck. It was more than just heartbreak that was fucking with his spirit and soul.
Life just...it's not easy for jimmy. It's hard for him to be happy anymore. It was once so easy to cover up his hurt with a sarcastic joke or quickly obliterate a frown when felix made a stupid joke. But now, now he was just tired of pretending. He couldn't pretend. Tired of holding up a guise of 'I'm fine' of 'I'm ok'.
And the worst part is...he doesn't want help. The help doesn't do anything but make it all worse. Makes him want to snap in half and fall to the floor and cry and scream out his troubles and shortcomings and pain. He doesn't want to be asked 'Whats wrong?', god...that fucking question. How does one answer that when everything is wrong?
Before jimmy knows it he's running past the felid and is bearing the border of the second mass's perimeter. The tears in his eyes are burning and he's so fucking sick of crying to. Sick of everything in his life.
jimmy just wants to be left alone. No ben. No weaver. No connor. No maggie.
He just...
He just wants it all to end.