Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
Thank you to everybody who follows this story and reviews to tell me what they think of it! I know it took me a bit longer to post this chapter (ouhhh, ten days), but I was struggling with whether I should cut this in two or not. In the end, I decided against it and there you have it; a suuuper long chappie. Give yourself the time to read it all patiently, though! And please, if you don't like a risk I've taken around the middle of the chapter, just keep reading and don't let it bother you too much. I would also appreciate if nobody sent me flamers for that. God knows I've worried enough about its reception without needing the final push into the abyss by angry reviewers. :P
FanFiction Lover: So, did you, or did you not, in the end, like the gore? It was a bit ambiguous in your review ;) I'm sorry to say that I probably won't write much more gory scenes than in that chapter, but the horror has a certain place in this story, just like the humour has. It was difficult for me to pick two genres for this story. I would have preferred if they had just let me put them in order, then it would have given something like "Drama, Romance, Humour, Horror, Mystery, Angst, Adventure, Family, etc." I guess I'm not a very focussed person and that it shows in how I write :P
Guest: I'm your favourite author? Awww! For realz? I hope this chapter will serve as a good distraction for your busy life, again ;)
Summary of the chapter before: The battle in the Rebel Camp was bloody and gory and leaves a few unanswered questions: where was Moody? Is he really allied with Muggles? What happened to Neville? Why is Harry behaving so...neutrally? Is it a result of his degrading sanity? What causes it?
Warnings: slash, a bit of violence at the end and a bit of gore at the beginning
Chapter 41: 21st of December: Growing up pains
It was good to be Lucius Malfoy at the moment. He had everything he had ever dreamed of, and more. A beautiful and supportive wife who was pregnant with his daughter, a stable job as Minister of Magic for nearly 15 years now, a strong and fine son who would take over the estate when Lucius would be ready for his retirement, gold in abundance in his coffers and a destroyed Rebel Camp on top of everything.
Contrarily to his high-strung, wand-happy colleagues in the Death Eater ranks, he was not disappointed in his role in the battle against the Rebels. He knew that his task of holding the wards had been of prime importance and that it was an honour the Dark Lord had given him than to put him in charge.
He was also glad that his son hadn't participated in the massacre. It was bad enough that Draco had followed him when he had gone in to direct the search in the Rebel's house after the hasty departure from his Lord and that he had seen the gory scene left behind.
While Draco was not fragile to any extent, he had inherited of his mother's delicate sensitivities and it would not have made a good impression on the Dark Lord if he had started vomiting in the middle of his first battlefield. As it was, his son already looked a bit green as he was walking amidst the devastation and carefully stepping around pieces of flesh and torn limbs.
Lucius wanted this little excursion to be cathartic for his son. He wanted to show him that his revenge was accomplished and that the Rebels couldn't hurt him anymore. Moody's absence was the only downside of the day. Well, that, and the four minor Death Eaters and the two Aurors who had perished in combat, but the casualties were expected to a certain extent.
Lucius carefully observed as Draco approached a small old-looking shed at the edge of the village. He looked hesitant.
When Draco gripped his wand tightly and began to shake in anger, Lucius knew that his purpose for bringing Draco along had been fulfilled. He wouldn't feel like a powerless victim anymore.
However, when Draco shot an Incendio at the shed, he was taken with a feeling of familiar dread and couldn't help but to shout a spell to protect the building.
His son looked betrayed when he whirled around to look at him. It was the same look he had when he had learnt that he had been named after a constellation, and not after the magical beast.
"Check inside the shed first, then burn it down," replied Lucius. He had learnt his lesson after the damn paper plane that he couldn't get out of his head.
Draco lifted an eyebrow in answer, suddenly looking so much like Lucius's father that he felt a pang of loss at the thought of the deceased Abraxas Malfoy. His father, who had passed away a few years ago, would have no doubt loved to see how his beloved grandson had grown.
But I would not have my future daughter if he were still alive so it was not completely inopportune, supplied Lucius's inner voice rationally.
"Father! Come here! There's someone inside!" called his heir, bringing him back to the present day. Thank Morgana they had checked before or the screams of the immolated rebel would have surely traumatised Draco.
He strode closer and, surely enough, he saw a young boy lying in the dirt, unconscious and bleeding.
"Father, that's where I was kept prisoner...do you think that he..." trailed off Draco, worried. Yes, the boy was a tad too soft-hearted sometimes, but Lucius was happy that Draco didn't have to harden himself through years of war like he had to do when he was younger. There was a refreshing innocence to Draco that he had lost far too early in his life for his taste.
"Well, everything is but conjunctures before we know who he is and why he was in there," he replied carefully, before sending diagnostic spells to see if the boy was potentially dangerous.
The rebel was indeed unconscious and had apparently been tortured for a while. It made his blood boil at the thought of Draco going through the same thing and resolved once more to give Moody and the rest of the Rebels their due punishment.
"Let's get him to the safe house. There are some healers there that will be able to look after him," he decided before levitating the boy out of the shack.
When the body floated up to him, however, he began to recognise the similarities with Bella's former pets.
He gasped involuntarily when he recognised the boy, and Draco asked him what was wrong.
"This is Neville Longbottom," he replied, intrigued by the circumstances in which Harry's contact was found. They knew that something hadn't gone to plan in regards to the defecting rebels, but they still weren't sure of what had happened.
It's a good thing, he decided at that moment. If the rest of the Rebels have tortured the boy, he will most likely be more favourable to the Dark Lord's regime and see us as his saviour, thus easing the information gathering process.
Within a few days, he would learn how wrong he was in his assumption.
.
o0o0o
23rd of December: The Ministry's ballroom
I rubbed my clammy palms against my expansive dress robes, shooting a glance to my left where the Dark Lord was standing, observing me with an amused smirk on his face. Of course he'd find it funny. Bloody bastard.
"Announcing...Our Beloved Leader, The Dark Lord Voldemort and his guest Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived."
This time, it was a glare that I shot in the other's direction. Of course he would have wanted everyone to know exactly who I was without ambiguity, but did he really need to use that ridiculous title?
The Dark Lord rolled his eyes playfully at my reaction before passing an arm around my shoulders and steering me in the ballroom with him.
The bright light of the chandeliers made me squint for a short moment as I took in the richly decorated room. Everything screamed of wealth and opulence, particularly the women in the room who were clearly dressed to impress. I saw their gazes piercing me, evaluating me, some of them dismissing me quickly and turning lusty stares to the Dark Lord at my side, others fixating me in a way that reminded me of a hungry dog eyeing a fresh piece of meat after days of fasting. As they took in the arm that was calculatedly placed over my shoulder by the Dark Lord, some of their faces turned livid with jealously, others with disbelief, others again with anger. One face stood out from the rest. It belonged to a young woman of about my age. She was standing slightly to the side, and wearing an elegant dress a peculiar shade of orange and looking strangely dishevelled. She took one look at us and started smiling tenderly immediately. I observed her more carefully, trying to determine if I ever heard of her or her family, but apart from her dirty blond straggly hair that vaguely reminded me of the Malfoys, I didn't recognise anything about her.
The Dark Lord dropped his arm from my shoulders, effectively drawing my attention away from the girl. He took a step forward and went to stand at the front of the stage, spreading his hands slightly to ask for silence. He got it instantly. It reminded me eerily of when I had gone to listen to his speech years ago at a Victory Day parade. Only this time, I was behind him on the stage instead of in the crowd looking up to him. I was also his lover and knew him intimately instead of being one face among many others lusting after him impossibly. How my life has changed in the last year, I contemplated.
I couldn't help but to scan the crowd to try to spot my younger self as I listened to his speech about great victories distractedly. I knew I wouldn't be there, but the gesture grounded me somehow. The switch in perspective felt so unreal, so rapid. I looked at the Dark Lord as he was addressing his population. He had large shoulders and a strong back suited to carry the weight of his leadership. He was standing straight, but with a calculated relaxedness in his posture meant to comfort and put his people at ease. I studied the magic swirling lazily around him. Like the man himself, it was deceptively calm, but I knew that in every single of his public appearances, the Dark Lord was ready for an attack on his person and was accordingly vigilant. He had asked that I did the same tonight.
My eyes scanned the room, studying the magic lighting the faces in the crowd with more or less intensity depending on their magical strength. Most were pathetically weak. Others were respectably powerful. The strange girl from earlier had a radiant aura. The purest of lights shone around her. It intrigued me. I resolved to go talk to her after the Dark Lord's speech.
"And now, I wish to introduce a young man who has been kept from his rightful place in our society, but who has now decided to join us in our celebration tonight after a spectacular contribution to yesterday's victory. Let us warmly welcome back Harry Potter!"
Of course, after such a ringing endorsement from the Dark Lord, the crowd didn't have a choice but to cheer enthusiastically for me. Some of them sounded like they were competing against others spectators on who could cheer the loudest. Perhaps they thought this was the way to be noticed by the Dark Lord. I shot my lover (yes, My lover, I thought possessively) a glance to see how he took that. He sent me a small, barely perceptible smirk in answer. Of course he had noticed and of course it amused him. That man liked to have his ego boosted in every way possible, after all.
As I got to the front of the stage, people quieted, leaning forward to listen to what I had to say. I looked again at the Dark Lord, who lifted an eyebrow at me. I hadn't planned a speech, and neither had he. But he was intrigued, so he wanted me to have my public speaking's 'baptism by fire' in an improvised speech to his adoring population. I sucked in a breath to ground myself. I could do this. I glanced at the pure aura of the blond girl again. I didn't know why but it gave me the strength to start.
"Seventeen years ago, Fate decided that I was destined to face the Dark Lord. Everyone agreed, including my parents, my godfather, their friends, Dumbledore and even the Dark Lord standing with me here today. Everyone, except from me. I was saddled with a Destiny and free will was taken from me. I grew up in the Rebel Camp that was destroyed three days ago. I admit to have been a decisive factor in the infiltration part of the attack and to having played a role in their apprehension. 'Why would I do so?' is probably the question you are currently asking yourself. 'In great part because I do not take lightly to being forced to commit crimes,' is the answer. No matter what one is destined to be, or in which context one grows up, what they do with their life and the decisions they take are entirely up to them. Hiding yourself behind fatalistic excuses is just a way to give up your freedom of choice and not ask yourself uncomfortable questions about the ways of the world. It is up to everyone to ask themselves what they want in a government, whether they support the Dark Lord's administration in all its policies, or if they want to side with the Rebels. Do not blame your blood, your family or your heritage. Ultimately, your decision is up to you. Only, choose wisely and evaluate the consequences of your actions and of the ideology that you are endorsing. Question everything that you see, dig deeper than the surface. There are a lot of smokescreens and propaganda, on both sides of the conflict. You see me standing here on this stage today, because I took a decision, because I choose to do what was right, instead of what was easy. If I could overcome such a legacy, so can you. Follow your heart, and your head. Choose wisely."
I bowed slightly and withdrew from the front of the stage. I was slightly nervous at what the Dark Lord would think of my speech. It had sounded as if I was gearing the population for a democratic turn in the government. It was probably not what he wanted. My glance slid slowly in the Dark Lord's direction, ready to look away quickly if I saw anger or hatred burning there. If that was the case, so be it. I wouldn't let him dictate my actions any more than I let the Rebels. I wouldn't give parades to rally the population behind him. If he was doing a good job in his government, he wouldn't need a parade. I could not let the Wizarding World's first impression of me be one of a puppet of the Dark Lord's regime if I ever intended to break away from him in the near future after I overstayed my welcome at his Fortress and he discarded me like rubbish on the side of the street.
The Dark Lord's face, surprisingly, was shining with amusement and a dose of satisfaction. I would never understand that man.
I shot him an exasperated glance. His smirk grew larger and his eyes suddenly lit up as if he just had one of his strokes of genius. I looked leerily at him approaching me slowly.
What was he planning? What could he possibly have come up with?
He stopped in front of me, but close, way too close for our very public location. I couldn't see the crowd anymore because of the glare of cameras' light bulbs going off frantically, trying to capture the moment.
Which moment? What was the Dark Lord going to do? I asked myself, desperately trying to understand the situation.
I turned back to Marvolo, resolute to ask him what was going on. I saw his ruby-red eyes scorching me with the heat beneath them for a second before I felt a hand slide up behind my neck and pull me sharply to his chest. I held on to him and meant to speak but he swiftly covered my mouth with his, effectively cutting off my question before I could ask it. I made a surprised sound, but it probably passed off as an eager moan because he tightened his hold on me and continued to kiss me hungrily.
I felt too stunned to respond with the same enthusiasm, but I still moved with him automatically at the pleasant buzz his Magic gave me.
My mind was whirling. I couldn't understand what had motivated him to do such a bold claim. It felt like a spontaneous and daring decision. Something a Gryffindor would do. There was a reason beneath this setting. I just had to find it. He had wanted to 'stake his claim' on me since the beginning of the evening, but not just sexually, I think. I just did an ambiguous speech that could be interpreted as an incitation for popular revolt under this totalitarian regime. I had kept my position purposely vague when I spoke, leaving to the people to interpret whether I was backing the Dark Lord's regime or not. Perhaps this was a way to make sure people understood where I stood exactly in the conflict. It was his move to make sure I didn't have a choice in how people would perceive me in the Wizarding World.
Perhaps there was more to it than that as well. Perhaps this was just his way to tell me that he wasn't ashamed of our relationship, or that it was more durable than I thought. Perhaps it was to discourage the rest of the Rebel movement by showing exactly where I stood in the conflict nowadays. To make them stop counting on me to 'save them all'.
I would never completely understand the motives behind this man's actions.
The kiss broke away and I opened my eyes again, observing him silently. What I saw surprised me. I knew there would be triumph, glee, and amusement in his gaze. I just didn't expect to see affection shining there as well. It was all gone in the blink of an eye, however, leaving me to wonder if I had imagined it.
Marvolo's hand slid down from my neck to my hand, grasping it lightly before he asked in that smooth and seductive tone of his:
"Would you be so kind as to dance with me, Harry?"
I felt myself flush in embarrassment. I felt like a bloody girl at her first ball. But then I replied with my own snarky smirk:
"Would you let me lead?" I asked him.
I felt so proud of myself for asking that even if I knew he wouldn't accept. He had to ruin it all, of course.
"Would you know how to?" he challenged me, as if he was really considering it.
"No." I had to concede. He hadn't shown me that part at all. "But would you have accepted if I had said yes?
-Perhaps. You will know the answer to this question if you learn to dance properly and ask me again then," he replied with an amused smirk.
It was vague enough to hint at a positive answer without engaging himself to do anything. I wouldn't let him win this spar so easily though.
"If I say yes to the dance, would you let me top tonight?" I asked daringly. Not that I think I would enjoy it better, but I was curious to try it out.
His gaze turned evaluative.
I held my breath, waiting for his answer. This was big: bigger than the hundreds of people detailing our interaction closely from the lower ground and the horrid newspaper headlines that would inevitably be printed the day after.
"Deal," he answered firmly before whisking me away to the dance floor.
.
o0o0o
24th of December, Unknown location.
The Boy-Who-Lived-To-Be-Seduced-By-The-Dark-Lord!
In a shocking revelation at the annual Ministry Yule Ball, the young man who had disappeared from the Wizarding World after the unfortunate circumstances of his parent's deaths suddenly reappeared yesterday at the arm of our Beloved Leader! Shocking familiarity between the two shone throughout the night and the Dark Lord was seen, not only kissing but also dancing with his young companion (and probably lover, but this hasn't been confirmed yet). Over the years since our Supreme Leader's triumphant Victory over the Light opposition, many rumours have circulated about our Lord's potential tastes in lovers. It had been but speculation until Harry Potter showed up to set us 'straight' yesterday night.
Undoubtedly young, confident enough to stand up next to the considerable presence of our Leader and to improvise an inspiring speech at the drop of a hat, Mister Potter took over the crowd with his heartfelt confession of a harsh life among the Rebels and his decision to abnegate their dangerous ways and help the Dark Lord's forces to triumph once more over this movement responsible for last Samhain's Ministry disaster. If anybody had doubts to join up with the Rebellion, they will think twice after hearing the young man's revelation of 'having been forced to commit crimes' by them. A clear euphemism that makes us tremble in fear for the handsome dark haired man's fate at the hands of the Rebels had he stayed with them. In a clear plead for a ceasefire on the Rebels' side, Harry Potter besought the population to question the legitimacy of their cause.
The Dark Lord has found a powerful ally and lover in this handsome man whose eyes shone like emeralds as he looked at the crowd gathered before him. One Amos Diggory, whose son has recently fallen victim to the Rebellion, was present at yesterday's reception and told us that "Seeing young and brave Harry on that stage making his speech, I thought that I could see my Cedric standing up there next to him and supporting him. I have always considered myself neutral on the question of the Rebellion, but I realised with young Mister Potter's speech that my inaction was a choice in itself and that I should be defending my right for freedom by taking a more active role in fighting those disgusting scum."
Mister Diggory, we at the Daily Prophet offer our most sincere condolences and wish you good luck in your entry test for the new militia currently recruiting to deal with the Rebellion and the enemies of our government.
In the words of this inspiring new figure of the regime, we encourage our readers to "Follow your heart, follow your head. And choose to do was is right instead of what is easy." Take arms to defend our freedom!
For more information on the militia and how to enrol, please visit page 3.
For the integral speech of Mister Potter and a play-by-play detailed account of his interactions with our Beloved Leader last night, go to page 5.
For speculations on the Dark Lord's tastes in men and for glamour tips to make yourself look more like his chosen lover to attract the coveted man's eye, see the 'Beauty' special at the end of this issue (Includes a section by our special correspondent from St. Mungo's, Liza Iznogood, about sex changing procedures and how to attract gay men if you have the misfortune of being a woman.).
The newspaper burst in flames suddenly, nearly burning the man who was reading it. Said man backed away from the carbonated sheets of paper as fast as his wooden leg allowed him. In a fit of anger, he grabbed the flask of fine Bordeaux wine he got from one of his allies and threw it on the wall of his hiding place. The sound of glass shattering made him feel marginally better.
That imbecilic brat! That good-for-nothing arrogant whelp! How dared he? After all the Rebels had done for him! They had invested for much time and effort, and for what? The idiot couldn't even manage to get himself killed properly by the Dark Lord! And now he was siding with the snake-faced bastard? Spreading his legs for him? Disgusting perverted queer boy. He should have killed him when he had the chance! Now his headquarters were destroyed and he had to use some of Dumbledore's old hiding places...
He looked at the burgundy puddle slowly seeping through the dirt ground. Perhaps it would be better to lie low for a while. Relying on his allies had caused him too much trouble. If you wanted something to be done at your convenience, you were better off doing it yourself, after all.
He turned away from the sight and started to pack his belonging.
Time to go treasure hunting! he thought with a snarky grin lighting up his scruffy features as he spun around and Disapparated.
.
o0o0o
I looked at Marvolo, who was lying calmly on his back, watching me with a slight smirk at his lips. I felt a nervous thrill pass through me. That was it!
I was a bit indecisive, however. How could I proceed? I really wanted to make it nice and special, so I was a bit afraid of behaving a blubbering idiot.
Which position? On his knees? No, I wanted to see his face. Sitting on me? No, that was too similar to him topping. Kind of...normal position? But it would feel weird to see him from that perspective...nearly sacrilegious. How did I proceed? What would feel good for him?
I buried my hands in my hair, tugging on it desperately. I didn't want to mess this up. Dammit, topping was more stressing than it looked. It wasn't as empowering as I thought it would be. Even lying there, his arms folded behind his head in a relaxed posture, waiting for me to make my move, the Dark Lord still looked in control as always. And his smirk was widening with every second of inaction from my part.
In the end, he visibly got tired of waiting, because he started to casually unbutton his dress shirt, revealing pale smooth skin and lean muscles to my rapidly watering mouth. It felt like the best strip tease in the world, even if the only thing he did was lying on the bed, moving from the top button of his shirt down to the last. When it was lying open on his chest, he brought his hands back behind his neck again and returned to his evaluative look. My arm unconsciously stretched to touch his torso with the back of my hand. When it connected with the warm and soft skin, the slight jolt of our connecting magic brought me back to life.
Of course. I knew what to do. Top or bottom didn't change that much. It was still us, still his delicious and powerful magic swirling around me, still his ruby-red eyes that had haunted my desires for as long as I could remember looking at me with a glint of amusement in them. I suddenly had an idea. I lowered my Occlumency shields completely for the first time in months as I lunged for his mouth, letting him feel exactly everything I was living through. I felt him shiver under me at the sudden onslaught of sensations. I climbed on his stomach, pressing myself against him eagerly and battling our tongues together as my hands travelled on his chest, pushing the rest of his shirt off his shoulders. He lifted his back to accommodate my intention and moved to unbutton mine and take it off as well. I directed him to lie back down on the bed with a small push at his shoulders and he did, never moving his eyes away from me. I didn't look up in his because of my lowered shields. At least, not yet.
I climbed down on his legs, taking his pants and underwear off as well with practised movements. He touched a finger to my legs and made my remaining clothes disappear without a word. I moved between his legs eyeing his arousal closely before licking it and taking it in my mouth. Nothing was new yet. I was a bit frustrated at my lack of originality. I trailed my hands up his legs, massaging the firm flesh of his upper thighs and butt before using the normal preparation spells he usually employed.
I was determined to be somehow creative. Not that I thought I had anything to teach him. With the way he was behaving at the moment, it hinted at the fact that he had bottomed countless times. Somehow, that didn't fit with my idea of him. But I had already established that I didn't understand him.
I suddenly got an idea as I looked down at him while I was swirling my tongue around his arousal and bobbing my head rhythmically. I could see his testicles from this angle, but nothing more. What if I...went down there with my mouth? Would it be pleasant? Would it be weird? I lowered my face close to my goal, his legs bent at the knee framing my head before I approached and poked my tongue out and tentatively lick at the hole, which twitched immediately. A wave of emotions coming from him submerged me. Whereas before I could only sense a vague feeling of impatience and slight exasperation toward my hesitant behaviour, now I clearly perceived his surprise, which turned into interest as I continued my ministrations, probing him with my tongue. I heard him gasp and his hips twitched once under the grasp of my hands, escaping his normally tight self-control. When I felt the muscles relax, I pressed a magically slicked finger inside while I returned to pay attention to his cock.
The feedback I got from the soul link was amazing. I didn't understand why I had kept the Occlumency shields up that much when we were together. It guided me and reassured me that he liked what I was trying to do.
When I thought that the stretching was enough, I positioned myself at his entrance and made eye contact for the first time since I had lowered my shields. He was panting harshly, his jaw set at first, but it relaxed when he saw me looking at him at last. I lifted a questioning eyebrow at him. He nodded minutely. I slid in slowly, my eyes closing at the onslaught of sensations. It felt a lot better than just getting the feedback from when he was in me. The passage was wet from my saliva and the lubricant I had used on my fingers and impossibly tight. I gasped at the feeling, sucking in a harsh breath as I tried to regain control of my emotions and movement. He moved his hips forward and impaled himself on me more impatiently, setting the rhythm for us.
Why did it feel like he was still the one in control, despite our positions? I opened my eyes to look at him. He looked as powerful and regal as ever, even after I thrust in a bit too vigorously to answer to his movement. I tightened my grip on his legs and lifted them on my shoulders, changing the angle until I found the prostate. He met my every thrust with an answering grind of his hips.
Was it unfair that I felt jealous of him for being so spectacular at everything even in bottoming?
I grabbed his arousal from between us and started to pump it following our rhythm. I infused some of my magic in my hand and tried to make what I was feeling travel through our bond. I wanted us to feel everything from both perspectives at the same time. The layers of feedback blurred a bit together when I did that, however and, as my eyes fell shut again and our movements turned a bit frantic, I began to lose my sense of self.
Who was topping, who was bottoming? Did it really matter? The only thing I could feel was a sweet pressure building up so fast and magic (mine or his, I couldn't say anymore) swirling around us, stroking at our arousal and spurning it on, higher, higher, higher until I felt like I was going to die of pleasurable torture. Our climax exploded from both of us and I collapse on top of him, my head buzzing from the connection until I felt my thoughts unravelled and I let myself be engulfed by darkness.
.
o0o0o
.
A sharp slap on my left cheek raised me from the abyss in which my mind was swimming thoughtlessly. Try as I may, however, I couldn't lift my eyelids...Did I even have eyes?
I felt hands settle on my shoulders and shake them violently before one left my shoulder to slap me harshly on the right cheek, this time, making me jolt at the pain. What the heck was happening? I still couldn't move. Did I even have limbs?
Fingers grasped my nose and pinched it while another hand settled on my mouth, preventing me from breathing. Was the other person trying to kill me?
I felt my stomach clench and my chest heave at the lack of air. My arms flayed uselessly around me, the muscles of my legs clenched and I groaned in pain. I still couldn't control them, even if I knew I had them now.
Was this the end? Was I going to die? Was I going to let myself die without doing anything? I couldn't remember a single thing of who I was or where I was. Was I going to die even before I had lived at all? Why would someone want to kill me when I hadn't even lived to do anything against them? Something must have happened. I tried to search my memory, but only met darkness. I was beginning to panic because I still couldn't breathe.
Suddenly, a bright pair of ruby-red eyes lit up in the middle of a sea of black.
"You're even more incompetent than I thought if you let yourself be killed so easily. And this is my prophesies enemy? You are pathetic. Rise, idiotic boy. If you let yourself go like that again, I won't hesitate to take over, I can assure you.
-Why aren't you taking over already?" I felt myself ask, but I thought my mouth was covered, so I didn't know how I could talk.
"You seem to make him happier and more content than I've been before. It was about time I found someone vaguely worthy of me, even as idiotic as you are. I wouldn't be useful to him if I took over now. He'd probably just reabsorb me if I did that. Besides, you are a pleasant host enough, especially since you've joined him. I've particularly enjoyed the sex. It's about the only feelings that reach me up here, so why don't you go back now and get round two going? I won't hesitate to hurt you if you don't. I still have that kind of power over you," threatened the eyes before disappearing from my field of vision.
I felt myself frown and exhale sharply through my nose.
Wait a minute; I could breathe? Was I not under attack anymore? And, if I could frown and exhale, why wouldn't I be able to open my eyes?
I gave another attempt to lift my eyelids. This time, they did, surprisingly.
The first thing I saw was another pair of red eyes. They were the same as those in my mind, except that there was a face coming with them this time: A handsome face, a strong jaw, thin red lips, a straight, aristocratic nose, elegant eyebrows, long dark hair tumbling down on his shoulders. I had a feeling that his hair was usually well-groomed, but it was dishevelled at the moment, as if he had passed his hands through it a few times. He was straddling my stomach, naked. His hands were on my shoulders, pinning me to the bed.
He was frowning at me. He said something, but the content didn't register in my head. His skin looked fascinating though. I lifted a hand a placed it on his hip, caressing the warm flesh and muscle with my thumb. A felt a hesitant tingling answer the contact, climbing through my hand. I knew this magic. It wasn't mine. Mine was different. The man sitting on top of me wasn't me either. But I had a part of him in me. It had talked to me when I was lost inside my head. How was it called again? A...Hi...Ho...Hor...Hore-something.
I lifted my eyes up to the man's again and narrowed them when I saw his mouth moving, this time emitting weird hissing sounds.
I shook my head at him. If I didn't get normal speech, I wouldn't get hissing either.
"Harry...do you understand me?" I heard.
I thought I understood what he said suddenly, so I nodded.
He lifted some fingers in front of my eyes.
"How many fingers?"
I looked between his hand and his face, frowning uncomprehendingly.
Then I looked down at my own hands, turning them palms up and lifting them close to my face.
Hands had five fingers, right?
"F...ive?" I answered hesitantly.
He sighed and shook his head in exasperation.
"I should have called a Mind Healer. This wasn't in the Dark Lord's job description..." he said.
He was a Dark Lord? An image of an evil wizard shooting killing curses left and right, cackling maniacally, sprung to my mind.
He didn't look like that, though, so I was a bit confused. I zoned out, pondering Dark Lords and magic when I felt another slap smart my cheek. It jerked me out of my thoughts
"Ow, dammit! Yes, you should have sent for a Mind Healer is that's your definition of helping someone! By the gods! Wasn't there something in the Honour's Duel that prevented you from hurting me or something like that?" I snapped at him.
"Harry?" replied uselessly the Dark Lord in an unusually cautious voice.
"What?" I answered irritably. After a moment of pause without him saying anything else, I pushed. "So, are you going to answer my question? Did it hurt you to hit me?"
"Hum...slightly, but not more than that," he said at last, shaking his head in disbelief while he looked at me.
"Harry, what is the last thing you remember?" he asked, intent on asking the weirdest questions.
"You mean, before or after your slap?" I asked him vindictively.
"Before," he answered.
I frowned, trying to remember. It took longer than it should have.
"Errr...I was...unconscious? Oh, and I met your Horcrux! You know, the one inside my head?"
The Dark Lord's eyes narrowed and scrutinised me.
"Did it say anything to you?" he asked.
"Well...I think there was something about...boxing? No, no...err...that he gave me another chance because he thought I was funny? Or that he liked sex or something? I don't know, something about how I was more useful to you than he'd be and that he didn't want to be reabsorbed. He was a bit cryptic..."
The Dark Lord exhaled sharply, closing his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"Anything else that you remember?
-I don't know. It's a bit absurd, so I think I dreamt about something," I answered hesitantly.
He had a small smirk at that.
"I think I know what you will say, but go ahead.
-You promise you won't be mad?" I asked, just to make sure.
He sighed in exasperation.
"I promise I won't be mad. Now, get on with it.
-Alright, alright. Well...I dreamt that we were having sex, but that...well...that I was the one...that you were...
-That you were topping. Yes, Harry. It happened.
-What? Why?"
The Dark Lord barked a laugh.
"Because, as it tends to happens when one lives as long as I have, sometimes a bit of variety is welcomed. I do prefer topping, but it doesn't mean that bottoming is degrading or makes someone completely submissive. Or do you mean to tell me that you have felt humiliated every time we have had sex so far?" he asked.
I thought about his point and found that it did make sense. If I didn't feel like bottoming was degrading, why would he?
"On the contrary," he continued as he looked at me closely. "There is certain strength in being able to let the other be in control for a while. It was a gesture of trust and I remember you asking me to have more faith in you. Your answer to my move was to lower your Occlumency shields but, as nice as the feelings it procured were, I'm afraid it really was the worst thing you could ever have done in such a situation.
-Why?" I asked, a bit indignant. I thought it had been a brilliant idea.
"Why do you think I waited so long to have penetrative sex with you? Yes, part of it was that I thought your answer to discovering that we were not soul mates would be worse if we had done it, but mostly, I was worried of what it would do to the connection because I could feel it pulling at us whenever we would do any kind of sexual activities. Your Occlumency shields are what protect you from being sucked in by my soul, apparently. There is a reason why I can't keep my Horcruxes close to me, you know. The 'mother soul' has a tendency to pull at its Horcruxes when they are too close. It is not as strong when they have their own living containers like Nagini and you, but the pull is still there. And it is still dangerous, as we have just seen," he explained.
"Why did you let me go on with it, then?
-I was curious to see what it would do and thought that, if I kept my own shields up, it would be fine. Apparently, I underestimated the risks. It won't happen again, I assure you."
-No topping again for me, then?" I asked, a bit dejectedly, even if I wasn't sure of how I had liked it.
He lifted an eyebrow at me.
"It doesn't have anything to do with the position, only with the Occlumency shields. On the other hand, I let you top because you needed to try it at least once in your life, but really, you seemed quite lost for a while, not knowing what to do. It would have been funny if it hadn't been so exasperating. One could have thought you had the whole thing planned, when you negotiated for it. Apparently...
-Alright, alright! I know, I know!" I cut him off before he could ridicule me more. "But it got better, right?" I asked nervously.
"Marginally. You had the advantage of the link and the compatible magic, however. It would have been difficult to mess it up," he specified, making me feel a bit self-conscious about my 'performance'.
Outwardly, I only rolled my eyes at him. I obviously wasn't going to win this argument.
"Fine! It's not as if it really bothers me to bottom, anyway, you know? I just find both interesting but...It does feel awkward to top when it's with you..." I confessed.
"And pray tell, with whom else you have topped before to be able to compare?" he said in a chilly voice.
I winced.
"No need to remind me of my limited experience. Believe me, I know...I mean, it's a bit intimidating when I think of everyone with whom you've had sex before. I'm a blundering amateur compared to you," I admitted, rubbing my forehead tiredly. He relaxed marginally.
"You shouldn't feel concerned about it. Since I have so much experience, like you pointed out, I have met plenty of 'sex gurus' in my life and I find your innocence refreshing. You didn't come in my bed expecting anything else than what I would give you and you didn't wear a false confidence as a veneer either. Every single of your answers to what I did were honest and not calculated to make me feel better or more powerful. Your own attempts, admittedly sometimes clumsy, were original and came from you genuinely wanting to try out something or wanting to give me pleasure and not to impress me with a 'good performance' or anything of the kind," he explained.
He was being unusually reassuring. It was suspicious.
I sat up, staring fixedly at the bed sheets while I mulled over what he said. On one hand, why would he lie about it and come up with that? On the other, he always had a reason beneath everything he did, didn't he? It was horrible how I felt I didn't understand him at all while he got me so well. I would blame my very limited contacts with people while I grew up at the Rebel Camp, but I had a feeling that the Dark Lord was just particularly perceptive, even compared with other people who had had 'normal' upbringings. That was probably part of the job description as a Dark Lord: to be able to spot traitors and manipulate people better, and so on.
"Did you say something about a job description earlier? Something I thought about reminded me of it."
The Dark Lord lifted an eyebrow at me.
"I did, actually, but you were still mostly out of it, even if you had your eyes open. I thought I would have to go get a Mind Healer to get you out of your daze.
-You mean, after your attempt to strangle me to consciousness didn't work. What were you thinking, by the way? Why would that help?" I asked a bit indignantly.
"I thought it would call forth your survival instincts and make you react. To be honest, I should have remembered that you never had much of a survival instinct to begin with. The slaps were to shock you awake with a bit of pain. I thought of using a mild Cruciatus, but I didn't want to suffer the backlash of that one both by the Horcrux link and the non-aggression clause of the Duel. You saved me the trouble of finding a Mind Healer that was both competent and disposable by waking up on your own.
-Disposable?" I asked, even if I thought I knew what he would say.
"I would have needed to explain the Horcrux link in order for them to treat you and then I would have had to kill the Healer to preserve the secret of it, or at least, Obliviate them so severely to make sure that nobody could find the memories again that they would have been useless as Mind Healers anyway," he explained, unfazed by what he was describing, of course.
I blinked at him. I don't know how I could have thought that he wasn't that cruel. It seemed so apparent those days. Perhaps he had hid it from me, gradually revealing his true self as I got used to him. Perhaps he was still hiding his true personality from me, but that he was getting mixed up in the image he wanted to project. Perhaps he just didn't care to put up a front anymore with me for whatever reasons.
It was the same thing with his way of governing this regime, really. At first, he really tried to convince me that he took decisions for the good of his population, now, it nearly seemed as if his administration was only 'accidentally fair'. The population wasn't happy because their government tried to make them so, but more because it took decisions which just happened to please the public, more by accident than on purpose.
I sighed, letting myself drop back on the bed before turning to him.
"The whole Horcrux thing is worrying me. Could it really take over?" I asked him, watching his reaction closely.
He sighed in response as well and settled back down on the bed next to me, a propped-up arm holding his head up as he looked at me.
"Frankly, I don't think it could unless you let it overpower you...or lose your control over your sense of self again like earlier. I have never been faced with that sort of problem, but it reminds me a bit of when I was losing my sanity, twenty years ago, or so. That was...horrible," he confessed, his mouth pulled in a tight line.
"What happened?" I asked him, despite knowing that it was a delicate subject.
"Oh, well. It was a combination of having too many Horcruxes, and delving too deep too quickly into heavy Dark magic and Origins Magic.
-Origins Magic?" I interrupted him.
"Ah, yes, you know, time-travel, magical enhancement spells, flying, channelling elemental powers, that sort of things," he explained with a dismissive wave of his hand, as if he hadn't just opened the biggest Pandora's box of them all with his enumeration.
"Wait a minute, you time-travelled? Further than one day back? Without a time-turner?" I started with that one.
He nodded.
"It wasn't like you are thinking, however. It was more a form of Astral Projection, if you are familiar with the concept. You are there as an invisible spectator and can't influence anything or interact with people. It was a bit deceiving, really.
-Where and when did you go?" I probed further.
"Hogwarts in the time of Salazar Slytherin. I was quite enthusiastic at the idea of speaking with my ancestor and talking about my ideals with him. I had always admired the man in my youth. So did nearly all the Slytherin students over the centuries, really.
-So, what happened then?" I asked eagerly, but a bit miffed that I had to get the story from him drop by drop.
"Well, I told you already. I went there, all excited and eager like I hadn't felt for years, only to float aimlessly for hours following the man around and watching him teach elementary concepts to his pupils. Old English is also more difficult to follow than I thought it would be since I can read it without much problem. I did hear him hiss a few things to his doors and warded cabinets, but really, the man's life was quite mundane. He was only a teacher who occasionally did some interesting research on the side. He didn't revolution the world of Magic or anything of the kind. Anyway, at the end of that visit, I concluded that the spell was only a sort of viewing spell and not a real travel through time. I had no use for that then and I still don't today."
I felt my eyes widen and looked at him incredulously. He had no use for that? I'd like to be able to time-travel, even only superficially like he did. I wonder when I'd go? See my parents when they were alive, maybe?
"Is it easy to do, then?" I asked, intrigued.
"No, it's incredibly complex magic and asks for rare and expansive ingredients to work properly. Not to mention the high risk of loosing yourself in the meanders of time. So no, I won't be doing it again without a really good reason."
"What about the rest of the things you mentioned? You said something about flying, right? Without a broom? That would be awesome to do!
-I can, actually. It isn't that difficult, I could show you if you want."
I felt my brows lift on my forehead.
"Really? You'd do that?" I asked incredulously before narrowing my eyes at him. "What would you want in exchange?
-Why, Harry, you wound me. I was prepared to teach you the skill for free since I think it could be quite useful in emergency situations, but if you want to give something in return for it...I'll just have to take you up on it, naturally," he said in mock surprise before grinning at me.
I scrutinised him again, trying to evaluate what he would want.
"What about this pesky Duel that is still looming ahead? Forfeiting is but a formality now, after all," he said dismissively.
I gaped at him.
"Is it?" I asked, incredulous.
He nodded indifferently, but by now I could read him enough that I caught his bluff. He hadn't spoke of the Duel with me in quite a while and I knew he had decided to not address the subject in the hopes that I would give it up more easily if he didn't push for a forfeit. In a way, he was right, because the whole thing just looked pointless now...but at the same time, if he thought I'd trust him enough to put my fate in his arms and give him complete control on what would happen to me...shouldn't he be ready to do the same? Shouldn't he prove that the trust was mutual, to a certain extent, at least?
I thought back of what we had just done. Was that his gesture of trust, as if he'd said? But he had made it look so...normal, as if it wasn't that big a deal, just a matter of preference. And, wasn't there quite a gap between allowing me to top once and asking that I surrender possibly anything I had and was?
I didn't think he'd ask for anything sexual, like I used to fear, but what if he asked for my free will, or something like that? I didn't even know if he could ask for intangible things, like loyalty or devotion.
"What would you ask for, if I forfeited?" I asked him, to give myself an idea of his thoughts on the situation.
He suppressed a smirk, but I saw triumph flash in his eyes before he could hide it completely. Something is wrong here. He's hiding another of his plans, I'm sure of it.
"Why, Harry, what could I possibly ask of you that I don't already have," he answered in a teasing tone, his eyes roaming on my body in a suggestive manner.
I turned away from him, a bit disgusted by his implication. I had purposely kept from negotiating with anything related to our sexual relationship before because it introduced the concept of sex being used as a commodity. It seemed like the Dark Lord had no problem working with this notion. I chose to address something he implied in his statement, instead.
"I thought I had made this clear a month ago. You don't own me. I am a person. If I choose to be in a relationship with you currently, it doesn't mean that I will always be receptive to it, or that I will only be with you for the rest of my life," I told him in a firm voice.
His facial expression twisted in an ugly snarl and lunged at me, pinning me on the bed under him.
"I think you might have let certain things go to your head, little Horcrux. Maybe I need to refresh your memory and teach you again who is really in power in this relationship."
I glared up at him. I felt our magic warring, but this time crackling ominously with tension.
"You are confusing sexual domination with emotional and physical subservience. I am not a slave or a pet. I will not be treated as such. I will not let you decide exclusively on how this relationship is going or when it should end," I said through clenched teeth. I felt his grip tighten painfully on my shoulders.
"You are mine. My Horcrux. You are clearly delusional if you think I'm going to let you leave me so easily. You belong to me; you will stay with me," he hissed, nearly slipping into Parseltongue.
"I am not going to let myself be thrown away like a used tissue either and watch from the sidelines as you take lover after lover!"
His countenance relaxed slightly and he smirked at me.
"Is that what this is about, then? You are afraid of loosing my favour? Why, Harry, a minute ago, it sounded like you were prepared to throw your enviable position away..."
I growled at him.
"You are not a God! You might be powerful, handsome and intelligent, but it doesn't change anything! You are still a human being who makes mistakes and has emotions... Don't make this be a game of power, please." I ended with a plea, my former anger snuffed out of me.
"Everything is a power play, at one level or another," he stated in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Not for me. Not this," I corrected him.
"What is this arrangement, then, pray tell? A romantic relationship? Love?" he said, mockingly.
I lifted my chin defiantly.
"Perhaps," I answered firmly.
He scoffed dismissively.
"Please, I am a Dark Lord, not a teenager.
"What does it change, that you are a Dark Lord? It sounds like an excuse you have every time you get in too deep. You withdraw into that thick shell of yours and state your title again," I challenged him.
"What it changes, brat, is that I have committed more vile acts of pointless cruelty than anyone else alive at the moment. I have delved deeper into Dark Magic than anyone else as well. And none of it made me bat a lash. I have killed and tortured countless men, women, children, babies, even. And I have laughed as they took their last breath on this Earth because I knew that I would never be in their place. If it is true that you were the one prophesied to kill me, I now know that you won't be able to. Don't you realise it? With you firmly at my side, the only one able to kill me, I am virtually invincible...What, did you think I wanted you for your pretty eyes? Not that your tight ass wasn't enjoyable, but it isn't anything special, after all," he revealed mockingly with a cruel smirk on his face.
I winced at his harsh words, despite myself. I always knew there had to be something else. That he couldn't possibly be as entranced by me as I was by him. But dammit, it hurt. It hurt so badly. As if the Dark Lord had just pierced my heart with a sword while laughing at my face.
Then, I felt something snap inside of me. Everything was clear. The Dark Lord was back to being an enemy, and I was in a vulnerable position.
I pulled my legs up in a swift movement, placing my feet on his torso and pushing as hard as I could with a bit of help from my magic. It threw him off me and he smashed against the wall. I climbed up to my feet, quickly Summoning my wand. It smacked in my outstretched hands as magic gathered my clothes and put them on for me. I shot a glance at the prone form of the Dark Lord, frowning. I might have pushed too much magic through my legs when I threw him off me. I felt my lips curl in a sneer and turned sharply away to leave this place quickly, only to stop with one hand on the doorknob as I felt a wave of anger come from him. What stopped me, however, was the brief stab of grief I felt from our link under the overwhelming anger. It lasted for a second before the emotions he felt were cut off from my perception, but it was enough to bring the uncertainty back to my mind.
.
How did our conversation degenerate so? It had started nicely enough, but degenerated quickly the second he mentioned the Duel.
I nearly got lost within my mind and he was frantic to get me out of it. If all he wanted of me was a Horcrux under his control, why wouldn't he want the fragment inside of me to take over?
I let my forehead fall on the wooden surface of the door. Last time I ran out of here didn't do me much good. I had promised myself I would react with maturity from then on. Was I going to run away from my problems again? What was the issue here anyway?
I tried to think of our conversation. It had started with him teasing me by saying that he 'had' my body already. I got mad because of his possessiveness and objectification, but really...hadn't he just said that to provoke me like usual? Hadn't I just risen to the bait? And, hadn't I first negotiated with sex when I traded a public dance for topping? How ridiculous was that, by the way? It didn't make sense. Was everything that had happened between us a power play in his quest for immortality?
I shook my head slowly.
What were the facts?
Fact: he said under a magically binding oath that he cared about me.
Fact: he had tried to prevent me from being lost in my mind.
Fact: he had hired Remus as a tutor to make me feel more comfortable and forced Severus to teach me Potions afterward. He didn't have anything to gain from me having my OWLs.
Fact: I am his Horcrux and the one prophesied to kill him. But instead of chaining me to a wall in a high tower, he let me interact with his Death Eaters; he let me leave the Fortress that other time when we quarrelled; he let me pass a few days at Malfoy Manor before Yule; he let me participate in a fight.
Fact: he had invested a lot of time just to talk to me and get to know me.
Fact: he wanted our relationship known by the population.
Fact: he had no qualms manipulating me and lying to me.
...
Could this whole relationship really be a lie? From the beginning? It felt a bit far-fetched as a manipulation. What would be his goal in lying? Apart from making me forfeit the Duel...but he couldn't have elaborated that plan months ago, could he? And...it felt like he had put a lot of himself, dedicated much more time to this relationship than someone who just wanted a power trip or sexual favours would do. Not to mention that he could have that with basically anybody.
What was this all about, then? This sudden revelation from him who said that he only wanted to eliminate the threat of the Prophecy while taking advantage of how receptive I was...it nearly felt like he had lashed out before I could say what I thought of our relationship. As if his vehement denial and biting sarcasm were in fact...defense mechanisms? Could he be...
My train of thoughts was completely stopped when I felt something push me roughly into the door in front of me. I felt my wand be roughly torn away from my hand while a taller and stronger body flattened me against the wooden pane. I felt his breath wash over my neck and it made me shiver.
"You should have left while you could," said the Dark Lord in a voice dripping with poison.
I shook my head as best as I could from its position close to the door, willing myself to stay calm, despite the aggression and anger that I could feel coming from him.
"I couldn't leave like this. I can't leave without settling some issues. We have to talk, Marvolo," I said in the strongest voice I could manage from my squashed position.
"I don't think I will. You are at my mercy. I would be a fool not to take advantage of it and let you go, after all. I have been too soft with you so far. It is time I teach you another side of sex: the pleasure of pain."
A shudder of arousal passed through me at his dark promises. What was wrong with me? Why wasn't I even a bit scared by him?
"Won't the non-aggression clause act up if you hurt me too much?" I asked, to deflect his attention.
He grabbed my shoulders and spun me around, pressing me back roughly against the door again. At least, his urge for tackling me on the nearest flat surface hadn't changed since our last conversation.
"Perhaps, but it would hurt you so much more in the process." His eyes roamed over my body, lighting up in lust. "How delicious you would look with your smooth skin covered in blood...
-But then I'd get scars and my skin wouldn't be so smooth anymore..." I tried to reason with him distractedly. I didn't like the insane glint I could see in his eyes. Perhaps he had been affected as well by the blurring of our connection earlier?
"Say, Marvolo, you told me that what I felt earlier was a bit like when you could feel yourself losing your sanity a long time ago, right?"
He narrowed his eyes at me, as if he didn't know where I was heading with that comment and was still pissed off.
"You'd notice if you too were a bit affected by what happened to me earlier, right?
-Are you insinuating that I am becoming insane because I'm threatening you with violence? I can assure you that I've been a sadist well before I was ever insane," he said, smirking mockingly and tightening painfully his grip on me.
"Alright, but you only have two soul pieces in you and Nagini and I are always hanging around. Maybe it would make a big difference if you could reabsorb another one," I tried to convince him. The more I thought of it, the more it made sense, even if I didn't know much about Soul Magic.
"I probably couldn't reabsorb the Horcrux in you without killing you. Is that what you are suggesting? You want to be rid of it badly enough to risk it?"
I shook my head at him, noticing that his grip had relaxed slightly in the meanwhile.
"No, but maybe one of the other Horcruxes you have lying around," I suggested carefully.
"I won't tell you what they are or where they are, if that's what you are after," he said, ever so paranoid.
I huffed at him.
"I'm not trying to lure you into a trap like you do all the time. I was just wondering if that was a possibility for you."
He shook his head.
"I couldn't get most of them from where they are without attracting attention to where or what the others could be. I've lost the only one that I could inconspicuously remove. Someone took it from its hiding place and I can't find it."
I felt my eyebrows lift on my forehead. Was he talking about the Locket or another one?
"Do you think Moody has it?" I tested.
"No, because it hasn't been destroyed. It's still out there somewhere. I can vaguely tell that it's around London somewhere, but London is too large a city for me to be able to pinpoint its exact location."
I hummed in answer, all the while thinking that he was probably talking about the Locket. Perhaps it should be time for me to go and pick it up to give it to him.
But...was he my enemy in the end? So much was still confusing between us.
"Marvolo...could we sit down and talk about this Duel thing calmly? I think we both kind of...panicked about it earlier."
He scoffed and looked away.
"You panicked, perhaps, but I did not," he contradicted dismissively.
I rolled my eyes at the back of his head.
"Of course not," I answered to placate him.
He released my hands and backed away from the door, sitting on the bed and putting his elbows on his knees, scrutinising me.
"I don't understand why you are still here," he said, frowning at me.
I joined him on the bed, sitting at his side and putting a hand on his thigh.
"I wanted to leave, but then I thought that I'd miss my pillow here, you know?" I replied to alleviate the gloom of the conversation.
He barked a dark laugh.
"I refused to be referred to as a pillow. I have many more functions, as you well know," he said, turning a leering smirk in my direction.
I sent him a small smile back, before returning to the serious subject.
"I had a flash, just before I exited the room, about how the next days, and weeks would be like for me, for us. I'd be miserable and cranky, perhaps even slowly becoming insane, if the experiment we did a few days ago is any indication...and even if I wasn't, it's not as if I can ignore the Horcrux link between us, or the fact that we still have this Duel situation to settle. Running away would just have delayed the inevitable moment when we'd have to deal with all of that."
I felt his warm hand slip between the bottom of my shirt and my waistband, his thumb caressing idly the skin there. I sighed at the calming magic and laid a head on his shoulder for a moment while I thought of where to go from there.
"I'm just having trouble...understanding you. I really don't get why you say or do some things," I continued, my voice growing frustrated.
"What do you not understand?" he asked, his tone neutral.
"Well, this relationship, for one. Some months ago, you said under an oath that you cared about me. And then, just ten minutes ago or so, you say it's all part of your big master plan to make sure your 'Prophesied enemy' doesn't try to kill you. I mean, pick one. I am here because you respect me and desire me as a person, or because you are manipulating me all the time and using my body for sexual satisfaction?"
He contemplated his answer for a few moments, before turning his impassive face to look at me again.
"Somewhere in between, I'd reckon. I don't really calculate every single thing we do, but there is a part of me that feels satisfied at having seduced "the One I marked as an equal" over to my side," he revealed with a smug and teasing smirk. "Not that I ever doubted my capacities. You were practically drooling all over me since the moment we met.
-What!" I shouted in outrage while I flushed in embarrassment.
"Ah, ah, Harry," he tut-tutted. "We said we were going to have an honest, calm discussion. Control your temper, little lion," he said in a patronising tone.
I lifted my eyes to the ceiling while I growled in exasperation. But then, I breathed in deeply and returned to the issue.
"I don't think I'm ready to discuss what to do with the Duel, Marvolo," I confessed to him.
He eyed me silently for a minute, before he spoke again in a neutral voice:
"It's not as easily settled as you planned it to be, is it? It complicated matters dramatically and uselessly. It's a moot point, really. None of us wants to kill the other, but none of us wants to surrender either," he pointed out.
"And we are both incredibly stubborn," I interjected helpfully.
"However, you must realise that I ultimately have more to lose than you have? There is not much that you possessed at the time that I could ask for," he pointed out.
I shook my head at him.
"Until I understand exactly from reliable sources of information unrelated to you the scope of what you could or could not ask for if I forfeit, you won't be able to convince me to surrender. No way. I can't rely on your word or any type of oath or contract signed beforehand either, because they would be trumped by the Honor's Duel precedence. On the other hand, if you trusted me enough to keep my word, then everything would be fine. We'd agree that you would give me something trivial like a Galleon or something, and you could forfeit and everything would work out," I explained the dilemma as I saw it.
"And...what about you trusting me to hold my word and you surrendering? Why would it have to be me?" he challenged.
"Because, seriously, after the amount of times you've lied to me and manipulated me, I don't see how I could trust you with that. You, however, have no reason at all to not believe me. I never lied to you, after all."
The Dark Lord huffed a humourless laugh.
"What about everything you are hiding from me? Shouldn't that count as being untrustworthy?"
I frowned at him.
"What are you talking about? I'm not hiding anything!" I exclaimed, shocked.
He lifted an eyebrow at me.
"Twice you have left for an undisclosed location, and I bet you were about to return there just a few moments ago. Do you want to tell me this secret place where you have hidden, since you said you don't hide anything from me?"
I felt my blood drain from my face suddenly. I had forgotten about that.
"And perhaps you should also talk about what happened there to disturb you so the first time, and to practically drain you from your magic the second?" He waited for a few moments, acting mockingly surprised at my refusal to answer.
"Well, aren't you the honest and upfront Gryffindor. You are obviously deserving of my complete trust, as you tried to convince me."
He let the comment hang for a few seconds, before he quickly turned to me and seize my chin in his hand, tilting my head from side to side and scrutinising me.
"You know, in this lighting, you actually look more like a cunning little snake. Perhaps you are the one with a master plan. How should I know?"
He dropped his hand and turned back to face ahead, looking suddenly bored and indifferent.
"I think you should take a few days to think about that. Go visit that secret place of yours again, if you are so fond of it. Do try to come back not so magically depleted this time. We will see how the connection fares. You may contact me if you feel like your sanity is slipping. I wouldn't want another me running amuck in the Muggle World, or something equally disastrous, after all," he said with a dismissive wave.
I felt my eyes widen as pain grew in my chest. Was this how his previous lovers had been discarded? Carelessly? Indifferently?
Was this how it ended, then? I looked at the powerful man who had been my lover for the past few months. I didn't want it to end like that, even if it sounded like a temporary break to think things over. I felt nearly as if I would have been better off running away earlier on. At least then, he wouldn't have had the possibility of giving me this little superior speech of rejection.
I felt infuriated by his behaviour suddenly. I clenched down my anger with difficulty, knowing that he probably wouldn't take keenly into being attacked at the moment, and that it wouldn't help my case.
"So," I began in a voice as detached as I could make it sound. "I suppose that in this little...pause, I would be free of...exploring new horizons then." I observed his reaction carefully.
He narrowed his eyes in suspicion at me, before smoothing his facial features again.
"And which type of horizons are we talking about here?" he asked in a measuredly bored tone.
"Well, you know, maybe I'd like to go to a Muggle pub and find some nice guy to bring back to my 'secret place'? Since you don't care much about me anyway, I don't see what the..." I started to say, until the Dark Lord interrupted me by attacking me with his lips, shoving his tongue in my mouth, pushing me on the bed and straddling me, I wasn't complaining, however, because this was exactly how I wanted him to react.
When he withdrew his lips from mine, he tightened his grasp on my arms painfully hissed in Parseltongue:
§ You are mine, my Horcrux, until the day you die, and nothing will change that. §
I smirked up at him, replying:
§ As long as it's mutual, I've got no problem with it. §
As he started biting and sucking his way down my neck, I couldn't help the shit-eating grin that stretched on my face. I might go take a little holiday, but we would be fine in the end. If everything else failed, I could always count of the Dark Lord's possessiveness...
So, another break to think things over for our poor Harry who doesn't know what to think of his relationship with the Dark Lord.
Do you think that Voldemort was telling the truth when he said that he was just using Harry? Were you surprised that Harry didn't leave immediately? What do you think of the fact that the Dark Lord sort of forced Harry into acknowledging their connection in public? And of Harry's speech?
A lot of things happened in this chapter! Let me know what you thought of it! :)