~past~

Blood rushing to her face Wendy ran from her house, embarrassment making her avoid eye contact with the boys who watched her pass with mild interest. She had tried to kiss him like a wanton thing! She could only imagine how shocked, and jealous, her friends at school would be. She had had a crush before, on the boy who brought the milk, but that had been nothing to what she felt now.

What must he think of me? She worried to herself, finding a tree stump to sit on away from the camp. He looked so surprised and confused, surely he knows what a kiss is? It would be sweet to think that he was that innocent but she knew better. The only reasonable explanation was that he did not feel that way about her. It was a crushing realisation. After the horror that she had witnessed in the cave and now this recent heartbreak Wendy cried quietly to herself and felt that if she let herself think on what had happened something in her would break and something awful would come flooding out. She inhaled wetly and looked down at herself. She was in a shocking state.

I can't go home like this, she thought and surprised herself. She had not really thought about going home seriously, it had just been a silent need that crawled up on her at night but now that need was an ache. She thought of her parents and brothers, who must surely be sick with worry now, and felt even more awful. As she tried not to break into sobs again she heard something and realised that she had been hearing it all along. Someone else was crying. Drying her tears Wendy stood and looked through the dark trees.

"Are you all right?"

Someone inhaled, trying to be quiet and Wendy followed the sound before something made her look down. A boy, about her age, was sitting under a banana plant and weeping. Wendy got to her knees and the boy shuffled away, not wanting her to see his tears.

"Go away," he gasped but she remained, staring at him kindly.

"What's wrong?"

He shrugged and toed the dirt with his boot while he gave her quick furtive glances. He looked unsure but as Wendy continued to gaze at him in pity he turned and spoke under his breath.

"Am I dreaming?"

"Oh, no I don't think so. Why?"

"Because...because sometimes I think that when I go to sleep I'll wake up and be back at home. Only – only I'm always here," he said wretchedly and Wendy frowned.

"Have you spoken to the others?"

The boy shook his head violently. "They would laugh. I – I miss my mother but sometimes I don't miss her at all," he admitted miserably and Wendy felt a pang. She felt like that sometimes.

"I thought that was you blubbering Slightly."

Wendy turned to see Felix staring down at them. He was grinning, eyes narrowed and Slightly jumped to his feet and with one angry look at Wendy he ran pass them. Left with Felix, Wendy gazed at him curiously.

"He was upset. He thinks that all this is a dream," she explained and Felix chuckled.

"I'd be careful trusting anything Slightly says. He has a flare for the dramatic."

"You think he was lying?" Wendy very much doubted it, those tears had been real.

Felix shrugged and turned towards the camp, waiting for Wendy to follow him. "I think he's homesick, it happens, but I can tell you one thing for sure: it doesn't last."

Well that she knew to be true but even so the boy's distress played on her mind and as she sat outside her house - Peter was gone, now playing his pipe beside the fire - she watched the boys dance with a feeling of uncertainty. She had seen them dance more times then she could count but this time their frenzied movements made her feel uncomfortable and she rose and left them to dance to a tune that she could not hear.

She wandered aimlessly along the shore, eyeing the ship on the horizon. As she did she saw a mermaid surface some distance from her and Wendy was sure it was the one that had tried to kill her. She left quickly and headed back into the jungle and not seeing where she was going she tripped over someone who was picking berries.

"Oi! Watch it!"

"Sorry!"

Tink stared at her angrily but then her face fell when saw Wendy. She crawled over to her and touched her scratched arms gently.

"What happened to you?"

Wendy opened her mouth to tell her but instead a sob escaped and for the third time that day she cried. Growing annoyed at herself for her lack of control she let Tink hug her as she hiccuped through what had happened since that morning (though she left out what had happened with Peter in the house, wanting to save some dignity.)

"You're not having a good day, are you?" Tink said and helped her up to her feet. She led her towards her tree house but Wendy was too tired to make the climb. "Wait there, I've got just the thing," the fairy said and disappeared upwards. While she was gone Wendy forced herself to get a grip over her emotions and when Tink came back down her face was dry.

"What have you got there?" Wendy asked as Tink knelt down beside her. In her hand something glowed green and she showed Wendy a small phial.

"Pixie dust?" Wendy was amazed but then her eyebrows shot up when Tink pulled the stopper out and sprinkled some over her arms.

"It will heal you."

It did more then that. As soon as the sparkling dust touched her it healed not just her bruised and scratched skin but also her night gown. When she was finished even her hair looked perfect. Standing, Wendy turned around in a circle, staring down at herself in delight.

"Thank you!" she said and clasped the fairy's hands, who looked a little uncomfortable with the praise. Wendy sat down next to her, wondering. "I hope you didn't waste it on me?"

"Don't be silly. There isn't much call for it in Neverland..." she said, gaze losing focus before she eyed Wendy thoughtfully. "What were you doing out here anyway?"

"I needed to get away from the camp for a little while," she said, looking furtive. Tink raised a brow and Wendy was helpless against it. She told her haltingly about what had happened with Peter in her house and then about the crying boy she found. Tink listened sympathetically, though she did look strangely perturbed when Wendy confessed her feelings for Peter but nodded knowingly at the mention of the crying she had heard more than once.

"I'm afraid it happens. When he brings a group I dread it, all that wailing and I never get a wink of sleep!"

Wendy stared into the darkness with a frown. "It's not quite right here, is it?"

"No, it's not," Tink confessed and they sat in a heavy silence, their thoughts occupied. Finally after staring at Wendy's glum face Tink took pity on her and did something that she had not done in many years.

"I'll grant you a wish, to cheer you up," she said suddenly and Wendy straightened.

"What?" Wendy stared at the pixie dust that was being offered to her in awe.

"It's yours. After today I think you could use it. Go on, you can do what you like with it," Tink encouraged and Wendy took the dust off her. Her mouth flickered into a hopeful smile.

"What sort of things can I wish for?"

"Lots! You could fly, breathe under water, find your True Love, change your appear -"

"My True Love?" Wendy's eyes gleamed. She had a romantic heart.

Tinkerbell hesitated, reluctant to say any more when she nodded. "Yes, the dust can find your True Love and that's a fact!" she said hotly, though Wendy did not know why. Seeing the dawning look of hope and anticipation on Wendy's face Tink leaned forward and gripped her hand that held the dust. "If I do this you must promise me one thing: that whoever this person is you'll go up to them and at the very least introduce yourself!"

"I promise!" Wendy said and Tink sat up, looking grimly determined.

"You have to realise the importance of this Wendy. True Love doesn't happen everyday you know. Though in some worlds it's more frequent then others, not that it seems to make a difference," she muttered darkly.

Practically quivering with excitement, the days horrors banished, Wendy ignored Tink's sullen words and handed the pixie dust back. "How will you find him?"

"I'll know. He'll be someone from your world, of course," she said lightly as she took a pinch of dust and turned to Wendy, who suddenly looked crestfallen.

"Do you know if anyone from the camp is from my world?"

"Only two that I know of: Felix and Slightly but there might be more," she explained and Wendy felt a flare of disappointment. Even then she was thinking of Peter but she forced herself to think positively. Like Tink said this was True Love and not everyone got a chance at that.

Tink produced a blank piece of parchment and laid it on the ground. As Wendy watched she sprinkled the dust onto it where shapes began to form. It made no sense to her but Tinkerbell hummed, titling her head.

"Interesting."

"What is?"

"They're here," she said and straightened, taking the paper with her. Wendy crowded around her, looking at the paper but the symbols were still unreadable.

"Who is?" she demanded and Tink turned and lifted her hand to Wendy's face. She blew a cloud of pixie dust into Wendy's eyes, making her blink and cough. When her vision cleared Wendy saw with surprise that she could now read what was on the parchment. It was a map.

"Take this and find him. I don't know who it is, I don't want to know. All I want is for you to be brave and to prove to me that True Love is not something that you run away from!"

"I won't, I promise," Wendy said with conviction and looked down at the map. He was in the camp and although she had been given two possibilities of who it may be she still yearned for another. Thanking her profusely Wendy left Tink and made her way to the camp, staring down at the map as she went. The closer she got the green dot that was her True Love throbbed brighter until she found it hard to look at. She was nervous, very nervous, like a new bride on her wedding day, fear and joy all mixed together. Stomach in knots and heart galloping she came to the edge of the camp and stopped.

The Lost Boys were sitting around the fire, talking and eating and she searched through them swiftly. When her eyes fell on Slightly she felt a stab of relief when he looked like the same old grubby boy as before. He was not her love but, according to Tink, that only left Felix. Until now she had never considered the tall boy in such a way, he seemed too obtuse and aloof. Even now he was sitting apart from the group, whittling a spear. Wendy's heart stopped when a soft glow seemed to bathe him, making a silhouette of his figure and Wendy was disappointed and confused. She felt no different, there was no clash of lighting or even something softer.

But I made a promise, Wendy reminded herself and with a heavy resolve she walked through the camp towards him. When she was a foot away she stopped and he looked up at her and gave his sardonic smile in greeting. She smiled back weakly, about to say good evening when something blinded her. It was like the sun had just come out from behind a cloud and shone directly into her eyes and Wendy squeezed them shut and rubbed the pixie dust out.

"Sleepy?"

She opened her eyes at the sound of his voice and a felt a cacophony of emotions overwhelm her. Felix had not been glowing, rather he had been like the moon that shines from the sun's borrowed rays, just because he happened to be beside him.

"Peter," she breathed happily, heart soaring and he smiled up at her. "Can...can I speak to you in private? I – I have something to tell you. It's a very sweet subject," she stammered and Peter stood, cocking an eyebrow at Felix as they walked towards her house for the second time that day. Once alone Wendy was overcome with shyness, unable to look at his quizzical eyes. She rung the magic map in her hands and he asked if she was feeling well.

"I'm fine, it's nothing!"

"Then why do you look so -"

"I love you!" Unable to take it any more Wendy cut him off, blurting out her secret. Peter blinked, mouth still open before he closed it. He frowned lightly and cocked his head, as if he misheard.

"I'm sorry?"

"I love you, completely," she admitted softly, heart racing and moved to him. She had never felt so vulnerable or so quite alive and as she gazed at him something in her came to life. This is what it feels like to be a woman, she thought as she rose to her toes and then gently brushed her lips against his. He remained unresponsive, shocked into stillness but then she felt him relax against her and for one wonderful moment he kissed her back with a gentle pressure.

Neither were outside so they did not see the change in the sky but the boys did. They looked up as a warm light bathed them and stared in befuddled amazement at the sunset sky. But just as it appeared the clouds gathered again, like the clear sky had never been. In the little house Peter pushed Wendy away with a grunt.

"What was that?!"

Brimming with love and elation Wendy could hardly concentrate but she too had felt something pulse through her. Whatever it was had been toe curling but it seemed to produce the opposite reaction in Peter, who looked deeply startled.

"It's all right. Tink, she did a spell."

"What spell?" he demanded, starting to get angry and defensive.

"A spell that would lead me to my True Love," she whispered and then smiled gently at him. "It lead me to you Peter."

He stared at her, face slack and then did something she never conceived possible. He started laughing at her.

"Why are you doing that?" she asked, beginning to shake and her elation sapped away like it was nothing.

"I'm sorry, but that's just ridiculous," he explained, trying to stop smiling but his lips kept twitching. She could not look away, like it was something perverse.

"W - why?"

"Because I don't love you," he said as carelessly as someone saying they did not like another's scarf or shoes. It was mind-numbing in it's lack of regard.

Wendy stared at his face, unable to take it in. Not a minute ago she had been more happy then she had ever been in her life but now she was rocked with devastation. She could not comprehend his flippancy, his seeming nonchalance. It was like there was another person in front of her.

"I...I don't understand, how can you be so..." she trailed off, lost for words when he gave a wincing smile.

"I'm sorry. I think you've been labouring under a delusion. I know you want to be a mother one day, to get married...to have a husband. That's not me, it can't be me," he shrugged, speaking more gently. "I can't be that person because I'll never grow up. I'm sorry if I've hurt your feelings -"

"No you're not! You laughed! You're - you're heartless!" she cried out with an anger she did not know she possessed. Peter snorted softly, cocking an eyebrow like she had told a joke and unable to take the mockery any more Wendy ran from the house again, burning with humiliation and sadness and disappeared into the jungle.

She ran until she could not stand and collapsed on some rocks overlooking the sea. She was bent over, fingers clawing at the stone as something inside her grew, threatening to crush her. She had seen men fall to their deaths, rebuffed and had been offered True Love only to have it cruelly rejected and it was all too much. She could not cry, that pressure in her chest seemingly blocking off the ability to. She felt like she was on the edge of imploding and her heart was beating painfully fast. Shaking uncontrollably and gasping for breath she sat up and closed her eyes, trying to calm herself, scared at what was happening to her.

Am I dying? She thought in confusion, feeling like her heart was about to burst. She had never had a heart attack but she guessed it probably would not feel much different. She inhaled great breaths, calming herself and after an unidentifiable length of time her heart started to slow and she found it easier to breathe. She fell flat onto her back, wiping sweat from her face and winced as something dug into the back of her head. It was the comb that Peter had given her and she pulled it out of her hair. The pearls gleamed dully and some of the teeth were broken but it was still beautiful. With a vindictive stab she drew her hand back and threw the comb into the sea with a curse. She did not expect a hand to reach out of the water and catch it.

Startled she watched as a mermaid appeared and swam towards her. It was the one who had tried to drown her and before that night she would have got up and ran but she was too drained to do anything but stare. The mermaid slipped the comb back into her hair like it had never been taken and gazed at Wendy curiously.

"Girl, why are you crying?"

"I – I am not," she replied and it was true. She could not cry, it would take too much energy and she was exhausted. Why the mermaid was asking her such a question she could not fathom.

"But you are upset?"

Wendy nodded after a pause and the mermaid swam closer until she was resting her arms on the rock. She was young, around her own age and beautiful. Black hair floated around her shoulders and equally black eyes regarded her quizzically, not a hint of menace about her.

"You – you're not going to eat me, are you?" she asked in a hollow voice and the mermaid looked shocked before laughing.

"No! What a strange question!"

Wendy felt a little mortified. "Oh, its just that I heard that you did that..."

"I'm sure there are some who are desperate and wretched enough to do such a thing, even among your people no?"

"I suppose so..." Wendy admitted and then wondered how on earth they had progressed onto the subject of cannibalism so quickly. It made her laugh involuntarily and the mermaid smiled. "I'm sorry, I think today has driven me mad."

"What is your name?"

"Wendy."

"I am Tiger Lily," she said and then looked confused when Wendy offered a hand. She took it hesitatingly and then smiled when Wendy shook it. They suddenly both flinched when thunder rumbled above them and the mermaid sunk low in the water.

"I think it may rain," Wendy said, looking up and when she looked down Tiger Lily was staring at her intensely.

"You should not be here. I tried to separate you from him, I was foolish but I knew that I had to try."

"What do you mean?"

"I was not trying to kill you the first time we met, I was trying to save you."

"From who?" But she knew and it made her chest squeeze with pain.

"Pan. He looks like a boy but he is not. He's the oldest thing in Neverland, even older than the elders of my people and we live a long time. He's seeped into the sand of this place, into the roots and the waters and now we can not leave. We once had the ability, moons and moons ago, to swim to other realms but he has cursed us."

Wendy listened to her tale with a rising dread as all the precious memories, dreams and deeply ingrained love she felt for Peter started to become tainted with the truth. She wanted to weep and scream at the loss but as she listened something sharp and cold cut right through those soft, bright emotions, like a blade stuck into a pin cushion. Mind whirling with the darkened truth she walked back to the camp and felt like something in her was now gone forever and could never come back. She had fallen in love with a monster and in exchange he had taken her innocence.

a.n:

Poor Wendy needs a hug and some therapy. Next part up tomorrow, hopefully. Again thanks so much for your reviews and follows!