Danasi had been a fool to think that she could return to the Brotherhood. What she had done was unforgivable, the act of a failure. To think she had looked at Cicero the other day and saw a promising future for herself... Lucien had spoken the truth. Why he hadn't hurt her she didn't know. She almost wished he had done something, just walking away had stung. She hadn't seen him since and doubted she would again. What a mistake it was to tell him everything in the foolish hope, however minute, he might hold a sliver of understanding. The verbal reprimand upset the girlish side of her but was hardly enough to alleviate the guilt and now he seemed to have washed his hands of her.

She was finished packing her things when she heard footsteps approaching the bed chamber, which she recognised as the Listener's. Damn, she'd hoped to get away before he came to make good on the promise of sending her to see the Night Mother. She'd been wary before, but after Lucien's assessment of her actions she dared not face the wrath of the Unholy Matron. Too late to avoid it now, though. Slipping her bag beneath the bed, she hunched over the desk, toying with the pages of a book sitting atop of it. It was time, he said. Saying nothing, Danasi nodded and followed quietly.

She had tried to avoid any other Sanctuary members since the confrontation but hadn't managed it completely. The Initiates in her room gave her no bother but the vampire child, Babette, had eventually recognised her once she roamed the halls stripped of the amulet's magic; the Hero of Kvatch had become a familiar face to many of the Third Era, illustrated on posters and articles celebrating her exploits. Babette had been amused to discover that the rumours had been true- the Champion had joined the Dark Brotherhood after disappearing from public life. Danasi might have shared in the amusement in another life.

She would have liked the amulet back before she disappeared again, too, the Listener having picked it up after she removed it, but she couldn't bring herself to seriously attempt to steal it back. She wasn't sure why- she had shown herself not to be an honourable person- but she didn't want to wrong this man. She respected him and felt another pang of guilt at the thought of him discovering she was gone again, drop in the ocean though it was. Expression heavy as she followed him, she thought it hardly mattered as she may be about to meet her end now, anyway.

He stopped short on the entrance level and allowed Danasi to approach the coffin alone. Looking back as she climbed the step to the shrine area, the Breton seemed somewhat anxious himself, even as he ushered her onwards. She'd been caught up on the earlier events that had caused the Sanctuary she found in Falkreath to be destroyed and supposed he didn't want another headache over there being two Listeners, even if she didn't want to usurp his position.

She finished the short journey and stood, tense, in front of the shrivelled, leathery corpse of Sithis' bride. It was strange to look upon her physical form like this. It had been more like praying when visiting the Lucky Old Lady to hear her commands and even in the crypt she had spoken with her ghost, icy and beautiful. This was... raw. Though doing nothing to ease her anxiety about the situation, it seemed right. This life was no fairytale.

Silence. The Listener watched Danasi stand in front of the Lady Death for a few minutes. He sincerely hoped she didn't hear anything, he wouldn't know what it meant if she did. Other than that, he wasn't sure what might happen. Tenet breakers faced the Wrath of Sithis, but never had he heard of a Listener leaving the Brotherhood. Nor was leaving itself explicitly forbidden, but then nobody ever really tried. If you accepted the invitation to join it was likely you found no other way of life as satisfying and so would be committed. If anyone slipped through the net out of dark curiosity only, they were like to go mad and get killed anyway.

He was not sure of her state of mind at the moment. It was clear Lucien had not yet acted on his instructions but he could not deduce how badly their meeting had affected her. It may not have been the wisest thing to bring her here before the ghost had delivered some healing words but he was not comfortable with the downturn she appeared to be taking in the time she had for nothing but brooding. Whatever greeting she received from the Night Mother, or not, it might offer a chance to stimulate her desire to rejoin the family.

Amidst these thoughts the elf turned around. "Did she speak?" he asked.

"No. Nothing," Danasi answered hoarsely, coming back down from the area.

"Well, that keeps things simple, at least. I trust this news is palatable? It is quite the experience to be chosen to hear the Night Mother, after all."

Danasi nodded glumly, her brows ever so slightly furrowed. "I thought she would be angry... "

"Well, perhaps not. You would certainly know if she was displeased. Count yourself lucky." The Listener observed the troubled expression on the elf.

"So I'm, what, just forgiven?"

"I cannot know the mind of the Night Mother, but you have come home and returned to killing in her name, and that is all that is asked of her children." He patted her on the shoulder. "This is my family too, Danasi. If the Night Mother is satisfied with your return I welcome you- if you want to help it."

The elf only nodded, the troubled look about her intensifying. He let his hand remain for a moment longer as he tried to discern what she was thinking.

She looked at him briefly, pained eyes meeting his before she croaked a reply. "I did, I... it doesn't make any sense..."

"It may not need to. Trust in the Night Mother." With a final pat he bade she go down into the Sanctuary to think on things and watched her go. His instincts were telling him to be extra watchful. He'd seen the woman far more distressed but never sensed such a heavy air about her. Where was that damned ghost?

She'd thought on it and Danasi was getting out of here. She'd waited just until the Listener would be elsewhere and the coast was clear to get to the secret tunnel behind the glass panel in the main hall. When he'd asked her if she wanted to help the Brotherhood, told her he would welcome her back to the family, she was overcome. Just previously planning her disappearance, she was conflicted when her reactions told her she did want to stay, that she was honoured that the Listener and man she had come to respect wanted her there. He seemed to believe in something about her, but she couldn't understand why. He'd sympathised with the feelings that drove her to run but surely nothing could excuse such an act by the Listener of a decimated Brotherhood. But then why nothing from the Night Mother? She was relieved she heard no words but the lack of punishment she surely deserved made her feel she'd been renounced.

The Listener took the silence for a good sign but Danasi felt worthless. He didn't know her. The Night Mother and Lucien did, and they were right to forsake her. She was not worthy of coming back here, she would disappear back into solitude.

Slinging her bag over her shoulder, she crept silently to the tunnel. She would emerge south of the town and move away immediately, acquiring a new horse on the way to avoid having to come near the main entrance of the Sanctuary again to collect her current mount. She'd wrestled with the idea of leaving behind the letters from Lucien, as it was clear now how he felt about her. She didn't much think they would offer any comfort any longer, quite the opposite actually, but she ended up packing them still.

Slipping behind the stained glass she was met by the cooler, damper air of the tunnel, not warmed by torches. She felt her way along the walls, blind until her eyes adjusted to the darkness. She didn't suppose anyone else should be down here but felt safer remaining hidden in the shadows. However, the tunnel soon became pitch black and the going was troublesome, changing direction to skirt around overly rocky sections, dropping swiftly in depth and temperature where it presumably carried her beneath the bay, and Danasi had to light a torch to guide her way and warm her bones.

After some time the track turned upwards and eventually she thought she saw a glimmer of daylight ahead- the exit, hopefully. Pressing on she squinted ahead, yearning to see a door or ladder out of this place. Watching her footing as she climbed a last rough patch, she only saw the figure when she reached the top, where the ground levelled off.

"Where are you going?" Lucien spoke irritably, not turning his head to look at her as he leant nonchalantly against the wall below the exit-way, casual and yet altogether menacing.

Reaction times still swift, her blade was already drawn before she recognised him. Any curiosity over how he knew she would be here was drowned out by recollection, however. He used to wait like that in the halls of Cheydinhal, when Danasi had been summoned to see the Speaker as he checked in on his Sanctuary.

"Well?"

The sharp question interrupted her memories. Realising reality was a long way from her thoughts, her voice broke as she answered. "I'm leaving. That's what you want, isn't it? I won't be troubling the Brotherhood any more..." She looked at him a moment longer, a few metres away and still not looking in her direction, and decided to keep going now. She couldn't handle another encounter like before. Sheathing her blade and stepping quickly she continued towards the exit ladder.

She gave him as wide a berth as she could, though he still had not moved an inch, and placed the torch on the ground beside the ladder. Cautiously, as if expecting it to give her a shock, she grasped a rung with her hands and stepped onto it. Her breath caught as hands seized her shoulders, pulling her back down and she was dazed, head connecting with rock as she was spun round and slammed back into the wall.

"No. Not again." His tone was vicious- beyond the anger and disappointment in their earlier meeting, volume rising far past the growl that had greeted her discovery of him. She was reminded of how he had intercepted her in Bravil and the terror began to creep up, but her head was still spinning and she made only a feeble attempt to push him away. This was met with a shake, her body slamming into the wall once more, a strained attempt by Lucien to contain his rage to non-lethal magnitudes.

He was saying something but Danasi's head was throbbing too much to focus on the words. His voice was angry, affected, his handling of her causing her pain but something she didn't have the strength or the will to fight. She couldn't do this again, and she was glad he'd found her before she'd fled into the world once more because she couldn't do that again either, not really. As her head cleared a little, she reached across her hips and drew her dagger. Holding it by the blade, she brought it up between them and interrupted him. "Just end this, Lucien. I don't know what you want from me." She took his right hand in her left and set it on the handle, closing his fingers around it and dropping her arms to her sides.

She met his eyes briefly, asking for anything other than his constant anger, then closed hers and waited. She shivered when she felt the cold edge of her Blade Of Woe on her neck, but otherwise remained motionless. There must be some poetry in there somewhere, she figured: to die by his hand with the very blade he gifted her on their first meeting.

"By Sithis, what have you done?" His hand closed around her throat as he closed the last of the distance between them.

His appearance a complete surprise, the Silencer was in shock at the violence, stumbling over her own feet under the Speaker's momentum bringing them both crashing to the ground.

"What madness has claimed you?"

Winded by the impact, losing lung capacity from the weight on top of her and unable to draw breath through the painful grip that tightened by the second around her neck, the Silencer vainly fought against her assailant with rapidly diminishing strength.

"You have betrayed me, you have betrayed the Dark Brotherhood. Why?"

Confused, trapped, wordless, she pleaded the only way she could, through her eyes, for an explanation.

"I am here to end your miserable life..." In his she saw the hurt disappear like a flame doused, in its place naught but the empty eyes of a killer- cold, remorseless, utterly unfeeling even to /iher, and she felt a fear far removed from anything she had experienced in Oblivion.

The pressure increased enough to draw a little blood, sharply rousing Danasi from the memory. She couldn't see his eyes now, hers remaining closed. If this mess was all about to be over, she cared not for the same painful prelude. His whole body pinned her now as he held her on the precipice of the Void like this, for how long she couldn't say. She was not afraid, but wondering if the time was being spent deciding whether to do it or how to do it.

"But... I can see the confusion in your eyes." He relaxed his grip, allowing her to gasp for air but retaining his control. "You... you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?" The hand disappeared, the humanity began to return to his eyes as he realised his mistake.

She was still pinned, still at his mercy, only this time I have done wrong she thought expectantly.

Suddenly she was roughly released. Lucien stormed to the other side of the tunnel, flinging the knife into the dirt. Danasi began to shake as the tension was released and sunk to her haunches, tears wetting her cheeks, more from adrenaline than anything else.

They remained this way a few minutes, each calming down. When he spoke again it was not as harshly as Danasi expected, his voice actually a little harassed. "Why did you come back?"

"I wanted a home again."

Lucien turned around to face her. "But here? You could have started a new life anywhere with that amulet."

She thought for a second before answering, trying to discern whether it was distrust or guarded hope she saw in his eyes. "You were right. I do belong here. I think I started to see that."

His expression didn't change as he considered her. "It just took you two centuries, did it?"

Danasi was reluctant to believe she had just detected a hint of sarcasm. He merely regarded her from across the way, arms folded. Was he hurt by that? Her face contorted in apology over how she hadn't believed it when he had tried to convince her in their time. "I suppose it did... I never did like killing much. You picked a challenge with me, I think."

"A challenge I failed, apparently."

Danasi pulled herself to her feet, leaning on the wall for support. She looked across with apologetic eyes. Even she couldn't believe she had just tried to run away again, after seeking forgiveness only a few days ago for the very same thing. "No... I wasn't in the right mind... I'm not sure I am now... but I don't see where I fit in."

Lucien took a long breath and leant back on the wall. "The Listener would ask for your aid in restoring the Brotherhood to its former strength. That is where you fit. Will you be able to help this time round?"

The hysterical reasoning and anxiety that had driven her to this madness yet again was rapidly melting away with each civil word Lucien spoke. And the Listener had shown nothing but concern for his Brotherhood and had been so accommodating in finding a place for her, despite her past. "Y- yes..." Danasi answered. However, hurt at Lucien's curtness with regard to her conduct after his death, she added almost snidely. "Yes. My attention is in the right place now, so don't worry."

She definitely detected a slight sigh from Lucien, who unfolded his arms and stood up from the wall. "I spoke hastily the other day. I of course appreciate your devotion to me... I did not consider the effects of your experiences."

The effects. They were many and varied, Danasi thought. Grief, of course; the need for revenge; hate, despite knowing the others were deceived into participating in Bellamont's plot just as she had been; actuallyunderstanding Bellamont's pain, coming to sympathise with his actions and sickening herself with the thought; and guilt and shame that as Lucien's closest aide she had been unable to prevent his death.

Still, she bowed her head at the apology, already regretting being so impetuous. Though her spirits rose slightly in the knowledge he did not want her dead, she deplored that it had ever come to this. She did feel terrible about giving up on her post. It had been her Brotherhood at that point. Listener, a great honour and achievement. She felt hollow for failing, quitting, but she knew she hadn't been of sound mind.

Lucien regarded her as she lamented the past and apologised again. It was not him she should be apologising to. What good were sorrow and apologies at all? She needed to act, for the good of the Brotherhood. He wished she had been strong enough to do that before, too, but he had to console himself with the hope that she would put as much effort into helping the Brotherhood now as she did trying to make amends with him.

He was doubting even these hopes had any ground now that he'd caught her trying to run away again. The Listener had come to him a second time with his concerns over Danasi's worsening mood, instructing Lucien to speak to her at once given the profound effect his words had on the woman. In fact after the Listener's first talk his outlook had begun to soften, so he did go straight to her once he'd thought about what he could say in good conscience, all things considered. But before he got to her he observed her taking the escape tunnel, full pack in tow. In disbelief that she could be absconding again he had swiftly made for the exit point of the tunnel, overground. He could take a direct route around the edge of town whereas the tunnel itself was difficult going and took a winding path, thus he arrived before she reached the end and waited. He gave her a chance in seeing if she actually turned up at the end, in asking her what she was doing in the hope she would prove his assumptions false. So when her answer came, when she actually took a step onto the ladder, his emotions had got the better of him. It had taken a lot of effort not to dispatch her to the Void and end her mockery of what it was to be a sister of the Dark Brotherhood.

Still, he'd been instructed to get the woman back on board and ensure that she would be an asset to the Brotherhood, so he could not voice these thoughts. He pulled himself together and controlled his words. "You can be strong now. You will be." He spoke with conviction that the woman might glean some confidence from his words, from the idea her former tutor believed in her and that she would strive to justify it.

He saw the beginnings of a cautious smile venture onto the elf's face and he worried he had been too soft in his efforts to motivate her. He was still very much ashamed of her actions. He could see it would have been a hard path for her given how she had leant on him much of the way, but he thought he had instilled enough knowledge and pride in her that she would have lead the family onwards. If he admitted to having fear, he might agree that he was actually afraid to analyse how much of his enmity was on behalf of the Brotherhood and how much was, as the Listener put it, due to his own bruised pride. But either way he didn't want her thinking she was absolved of all wrongdoing now. "I cannot forgive it, Danasi, do not ask me," he said in response to her searching eyes, extinguishing the pale light of hope he saw there like in the eyes of Tenet breakers before who hoped to return straight back to their former standing after punishment.

The elf's head dropped. "Of course, you know I wouldn't ask that, you know me better than anyone."

"I knew you." The words escaped without a thought and he scalded himself. When had he become so impulsive? He merely wanted to impart on the woman that she was not out of the woods yet.

She had gone very quiet and the ghost noticed a fresh tear rolling over her cheek, though she tried to turn her head to hide it. She appeared to think about saying something but changed her mind, turning instead back into the tunnel. Damn, he couldn't let her return like this, the Listener would wonder why he allowed any of them to reside in his Sanctuary. He called after her firmly. She continued for a few steps before slowing and finally halting, but didn't turn around. "Danasi, come here."

She circled around to face him but did not move closer. "What?" she snapped, all limpness gone, sadness transformed into exasperation. "What do you want from me? I'm not asking you to forgive what I did. I know it was terrible. I just struggled a bit after my family murdered my dearest friend and wouldn't let me bury his skinless body parts until I'd gone with them to the crypt, celebrating his death the whole way with the real traitor. I can still see it. The smell of damp earth around here reminds me all the time." Lucien was taken aback by the outburst and she took the moment to breathe and calm herself. "I don't want pity and I'm not making excuses... just... can you forgive me? You treat me as a stranger and it's like losing you in whole different way. You were my friend, Lucien, my only family for a long time... do you think you ever could?"

Lucien frowned. He knew she'd loved him. He knew how she handled tragedy. He hadn't known until now exactly what she'd had to deal with. She shouldn't have to spell those things out to him let alone do it with sarcasm. The Listener had tried to explain this, hadn't he? She'd run when Martin died, why should it be any different with him? He had singularly saved her from the trauma that would surely have claimed her mind after wiping out her own Sanctuary. It was only surprising it was no worse. Perhaps he was being far too harsh. He cared deeply and unwaveringly about the Dark Brotherhood and she had shaken his belief in her when she abandoned it, but he'd come to see he had no excuse for expecting her to handle the situation much better than she had.

He was still aware of their current location, however. "Why would you run again?" he redirected with a sigh. She always ran, that's what she was doing when she joined his Sanctuary. He supposed he was only asking on the off-chance she might give him more information that would make his assignment easier. And she did.

"You're so angry with me... and you've called me a traitor. If you think so, then I'm not worthy of staying here."

The face he looked into harked back to the day he gave her her duties as Silencer, silently asking him to say something to allow her to stay with him, to convince her she would see him again, but so respectful of his orders that she would never utter the words. She listened to him, and it had driven her here. He had the power to persuade her to stay, indeed build her self-esteem so much that she would do great work again, as the Listener desired.

He would use it. "No, no, you're not a traitor. I'm angry with your actions, but... I have been blind to the strengths of love and grief. Even the Night Mother appears to have accepted your return. I've no cause to treat you like this."

Though aiming to mend what he wounded before so that she might work at her best, he was not speaking pure fantasy. He found himself stepping closer to comfort his former Silencer and accepted, as she buried her face in his ethereal robes, that a portion of his anger was because she simply meant something to him and her actions meant he had no choice but to chastise her.

After a few moments Danasi looked at him gratefully, speaking uncertainly. "Could we please not tell the Listener about this...? I've already disappointed you, I don't want to ruin what belief he seems to already have in me..."

She was looking forward, and wanted a fresh start to do things right. Silently he nodded and, had he still possessed the need or ability to breathe, would have struggled under the tightness with which she squeezed him.

Author: I loved some of this and not other bits, but I tried to do a few things so anything you took from it or noticed, however small, would be interesting to hear. (Also, too smushy hug? I couldn't resist).