Author: The final chapters are upon us! The other little thing I posted during this story ('For the love of Sithis') provides a little insight into Lucien's actions and how he treats Danasi, but it should be fine without reading that. I hope it makes sense anyhow.

I'm glad people have enjoyed this. I would never have gone for an angst had it not been prompted on SKM. Nor tried anything so long, but it snowballed and really became an exercise in characters. Thank you for reading and reviewing, writing with followers waiting for the next update has inspired me to write something longer with more plot things going on. It's been fun! But what am I going to do with my days now...?

"Are you ready for some proper contracts now?"

Danasi nodded and took the seat the Listener was offering, by the fireplace.

"Good. I'll give you one to get started. Complete that as well as your other work and I'll have a lot more for you. I've noted quite a few already that I think you'd manage well. Drink?" He offered her wine, which she politely declined, opting for water instead. "Wise in this line of work, I suppose. Pressures of the top get to me sometimes, though," he poured his own and they raised their goblets in toast. "Relax, Danasi, this isn't an inquisition."

Danasi tried to sit more comfortably, taking a look around the Listener's chambers. His personal effects and living area contained within, it doubled as his office for more private matters. "You manage it well, sir," she responded, taking a sip.

"Yes? Flattery will get you everywhere, sister. I rather thought I'd picked up a few grey hairs by now."

She rather liked the Listener's jokes, they reminded her not to fall too far into her own dark introspection. "I mean you manage the Sanctuary well. There seems to be more to do than just listen, sir."

The Breton nodded at the comment, taking a gulp of his wine. "Call me Matthias."

Danasi graciously accepted the information, studying him for a second. He did look like a Matthias, now he'd said it. "Matthias... you're what a Listener should be... you know what's going on, keep everyone in order."

"It is rather like running a house of unruly children sometimes. Head of a family, one could say."

Danasi couldn't help but smile. That such a little thing could achieve it, quite strange. "The Night Mother said Ungolim was weak, you know. My Listener, in Cyrodiil, I mean."

"Then it must be true. Did you see that?"

"I do now. The traitor was in the Brotherhood for years and years, several members were killed, and yet he did nothing... why would he risk the whole family? I know you'd never let anything get that far..."

"Well, we've had some trouble... but I don't intend on any more, no. I'm glad you believe in me." He nodded in thanks and drank some more.

"I don't know if I'd ever have been a good Listener, not how I was."

"You held the post for a while, no?"

Danasi nodded, eyes settling nowhere in particular. "Some months... I'm not sure. There weren't many people to manage, so I did just listen. Arquen did all the work, really... like she really cared..."

"She was the... unwelcome colleague?"

Danasi nodded, face still betraying a hint of distaste at the name. "It might have been different if she wasn't there... who knows."

The Breton caught her eye as he leant back and raised his drink again. "Well I'm glad to have you here. I'd like you taking contracts direct from me, and to help me restore the tradition to this place. Get the new recruits on the right page, treat each other like family but keep 'em scared of their seniors, Tenet abiding, that sort of thing."

"Oh, these are... honours, sir..."

He gave her a look that quieted her.

"Oh, er, Matthias. Sorry. I'm not too new for all this? I'm embarrassed at what a drama I've caused, really..."

"Danasi, I don't need you to start from the bottom. I've heard of your exploits back in Cyrodiil and you're clearly above the low level work you've been doing here. Like I said, do this first job well and I'll have a lot more. I suppose if you muck that one up I'll have to rethink, but I've no doubt you'll manage."

Danasi looked down, abashed.

Matthias leant forward, speaking quietly as though sharing a secret. "Look, you swore your allegiance to the family the other day but I know it's not as black and white as that. You're still trying to prove yourself to Lucien, or to me, aren't you? I wish you wouldn't. You could be my superior, really, or at least my equal. I don't believe two Listeners have ever met before. I don't want to be your teacher, I want to work with you. You were the Champion of Cyrodiil as well, for Sithis' sake. I'm rather impressed to meet you."

Danasi was blushing. "I haven't been impressive since I got here, Matthias."

"If that's true then only because you dote on him too much. Your work shows your skill. I don't wish to intrude but any change I've seen in you has always followed something he's said to you."

Danasi looked back on her time in Dawnstar and shifted in her seat. "Well, I care what he says..."

"But a little too much, from my perspective. Your confidence is wrapped up in him and now... well, he's not the boss any more. And he's not anything but the ghost of another assassin. Forgive me, but I know unrequited love and it can ruin a person. And Lucien is a cold man... a perfect brother, here, but I'm not sure he'll ever return anything... human."

The elf was quiet, thinking on his words.

"Don't hesitate to tell me if I've overstepped my mark, please. I only tell you as a friend, Danasi."

Though she might have become defensive and kept her business her own, she couldn't be angry with her Listener. Somewhere within her she knew he made sense. How long had she known Lucien, and had she ever felt anything more than his project assassin? All her efforts to gain his attention were through her work. She shook away her doubts for the moment though. "How can you be sure? We worked everything out..."

The Listener wondered whether he should tell her why Lucien came to speak to her. True, he had manipulated the situation to ensure she would regain ownership of her skills for the benefit of his Sanctuary, but he felt a callous bastard to reveal it. He ran a hand through his hair while sighing awkwardly. "Ah, Danasi... now I don't know what you talked about but... I did have to persuade Lucien to go and make things right with you. I do believe he was bothered by having to give you a hard time but... dear sister, I don't know if you would have won out over business if left to his own devices. I'm sorry I interfered but... I thought it would be better for both of you."

Danasi frowned, trying to keep herself together in front of Matthias. "So, what, it was just a job to come cheer me up?"

"No, no, I didn't tell him what to say, I just said he was being unreasonable and ought to rethink. You were in a kind of limbo... and anything I said or even the Night Mother didn't seem to get to you..." Matthias hovered uncertainly, unsure how the elf would take it. However bad he felt for her and about what he did she ought to know the truth of it, practically bouncy as she'd been when they'd come to him the other day. She stood up and paced the room a little, frowning. "You all right?" he asked.

Eventually she steadied herself and returned to the chair. "Mmm. I'll have that drink, if that's all right," she answered, handing him her goblet.

The air was somehow colder in the Sanctuary. Snow was a constant in The Pale but it deepened by Frostfall becoming near impassable sometimes at the dawn of a new year. The fires always burned in the dark halls of the Sanctuary but the change without was nearly tangible in the air. Seasons had passed since Danasi's arrival and she reckoned she had grown colder with the winds, too. A lifetime ago, it seemed, that she had rejoiced and wept over the reunion with her old friend, her love.

No, merely her colleague and obsession. The fog had begun to clear when the Listener had confided in her his worries. Gradually she was able to look somewhat impartially on Lucien's behaviour towards her, compare it with that of her friend Matthias, reflect on the times when the ghost had a living body, and she saw not much else but self-service. She was an asset to him, a charge to be proud of only while she performed as intended.

She couldn't blame him; he had never claimed to be anything other than a servant of Sithis. Still, it hurt. There was something magnetic about the man, even in afterlife, and she couldn't shake her attachment, her adoration, despite the ache it caused her now she recognised the nothing she received in return. So over the months she chose to distance herself, keeping busy with contracts, staying away from the Listener's thrall save when unavoidable, and then keeping interaction neutral and minimal.

Though she endured the pain of loss, in this way she was able to move forward. Her energies were channelled into her work, which showed the excellence Matthias had predicted, and she did so under her own identity, refusing to take back the amulet when he had offered the return of her property. She became a revered and senior member of the Sanctuary, gaining notoriety and her own private quarters in lieu of a formal ranking system. She learned of real friendship with Matthias and was able to focus on the Night Mother as the source of her understanding of their dark order. Whether instilled by the Night Mother herself or sprung from her own acceptance of her new life, she came to draw comfort from the unholy corpse and would regularly look upon her in private communion. Only in moments of more pensive contemplation was she saddened that she could not glow in the pride her Speaker might have shown over his ward's final passage into perfect, cloudless darkness.

Lucien watched Danasi head up to the Night Mother's shrine and remain there for some time. She visited often now and worked a lot, contracts direct from the Listener, completing them well. He was pleased. In fact, she'd done all this without his influence, rarely speaking with him much any more. He sometimes wanted to say he missed her company, regretted that whatever love she had for him had died away or had to be hidden for her to progress like this, but he wasn't entirely sure it was true. He was not well versed in emotion. However, she had grown distant many months ago and when he noticed that he was not content with this development, for whatever reason, he'd begun thinking on his past experiences and analysing his current ones.

He turned his attention back to the immense stained glass depiction of Sithis. He liked to sit here and ruminate when the place was empty. He had more understanding of Sithis and the Void than he ever had when he was alive, but it still pleased him to mediate on this insight when in the mortal realm. Footsteps grew louder as Danasi descended the stairs and made her way over to the table. He looked over to see her preparing a meal from the food laid out there. "Good evening," he offered civilly.

"Is it? I lose track of the time down here if I'm not preparing for a contract." She nodded a greeting, speaking back coolly, inoffensive and unfamiliar.

"Do I disturb your meal? I would join you but I have no need for food any longer. Unfortunately." Good food definitely was something he missed.

Content her plate contained everything she desired, she took a seat at the end of the table. "No. Remain, please. Food has become merely a necessity to me at this point."

Not entirely true. "There is an Eidar wedge on the shelves, you know," Lucien commented, nodding in its direction before turning back to the glass wall.

Danasi gave him a queer look and poured herself some water, but moments later she stood and retrieved the cheese. "How did you know I prefer this?"

"I have eyes," is all he said. "Well, I can see, anyhow," he added after a moment.

She made a slight uncomfortable groan at the tasteless joke and proceeded to eat in silence. She was so cold now. Efficient. Excellent. She was finally the untroubled assassin he'd hoped she would become, but she didn't seem like herself any more. She hadn't just shut him out, she'd shut down a huge side of herself. But then so had he, once. Perhaps not consciously and perhaps it was never as large or complete as with her, but he knew it was there. It had just lain dormant for most of his life. Must it be the same in afterlife?

He was a logical man and he had pondered the situation on countless nights. On the face of it he should have no reason to begrudge the elf's separation from himself. She had broken no Tenets, borne no disrespect to the Brotherhood, and in fact in doing so had become a most excellent assassin and devout follower of the Night Mother. And had that not been his ultimate hope for the woman when she accepted his invitation all those years ago?

Nor would he say it was ego that spawned this discontent. She had surpassed him in rank back in their time, albeit he was not around to witness the event, yet he bore no ill-feeling. He was not a jealous man, he had taught her in order to build a strong family, not to find self-satisfaction her success, so her progress without his guidance was also no bother. Similarly he did not attribute this feeling to the loss of an ardent personal follower; he cared not how his subordinates went about their work or regarded him, within reason, only that they served their Dread Father well.

A man considered unfeeling by all who knew him might never reach a conclusion as to why the loss of one person from their daily life would bother them, and indeed his reaction to the elf's rejection confounded Lucien for many months. But Lucien was not such a man. He had loved, and in the seasons he had to study his current position he came on one last avenue of inquiry- that he was bothered by her rejection because he did simply miss her company, her friendship. He knew by now she had become more than a simple guild-mate to him, but it was one thing to be actively pleased for someone in their successes and quite another to wish that he could share in their future.

He had only believed himself capable of true feeling for one who knew him before, but he eventually recognised in himself a care for Danasi and a will for them to return to a relationship closer than that of occasional necessary co-workers. However, he had also studied their previous interactions and realised that, having ignored his own emotional side, he had never treated her as anything other than an assassin. She had probably put a distance between them to save herself from an exhausting life of giving and never receiving, for he knew the extent to which she cared about him and to which she had already suffered due to this imbalance.

Only now, after ruminating on his long ignored experiences with love and friendship, did he see that they would not be anything closer until he gave her something in return. His memories guided him in this effort. Open up, let people in. Simple enough words.

He allowed her to finish her meal in peace before speaking. "You are doing well lately."

"Thank you," she responded politely.

"And are you... well?"

"Well enough, as things stand." She stood to tidy her plates.

He turned in his chair from the image. "Would you not speak with me? Any contracts... the Void? I am far more knowledgeable in this subject nowadays."

Danasi neatly set the stack of plates to right before answering. "I know. And no, thank you."

She turned to leave and Lucien found himself standing up and calling after her. "Danasi, I wouldn't have you avoiding me like this. I... I know I am the cause of your distance. Perhaps I can explain why it needn't be so."

The elf stopped and turned swiftly. She made firm eye contact, assessing him. "Not here," she said seriously. He followed as she lead the way to privacy. Closing the door to her quarters, she stood neatly and far from him. When the ghost didn't say anything she stifled a sigh. She wanted to hear what he was thinking, but quickly. "What did you wish to explain?"

The ghost shifted. "I fear my treatment of you has been unfair. I am glad you are advancing here, but I wish it were not so that you must avoid me to do so."

"I too am glad I am settled now. I feel like I am at home. But you needn't speak of this, we talked this over long ago, it is done."

"But I would again. They were mere words before, I did not know true regret or forgiveness."

Danasi maintained a perfectly neutral composure but eyed the ghost suspiciously. The Listener had once told her that he'd practically had to strong-arm Lucien into offering her an olive branch after learning of her desertion. Had his forgiveness all been a show? Was this just more manipulation, and to what end? "And what do you hope to achieve by bringing this up again?"

"I wish to mend this rift, if possible."

This was not Matthias' influence. He was content that the two got along civilly enough and the Brotherhood was prospering. Furthermore he had been the one to warn her of becoming so wrapped up in Lucien. Danasi wondered whether the spectre would go such lengths to simply retrieve a lost admirer. Perhaps his ego was suffering without his doting elf. "What purpose am I to serve?"

"Sorry?"

Danasi shook her head, dismissing the comment. Despite so long at a safe distance there was something still so immediately bewitching about his presence. "We must remain like this, Lucien... Unrequited love is... no pleasure." She looked away and stepped aside in indication that he might leave.

So his deductions had been correct. "I know I have never returned your feeling, or even treated you as a friend should. I might make this better now..."

She glared at the unmoving spectre. Pinching the bridge of her nose she said what she might once have considered too hurtful. "Lucien, you don't know what love is. You don't feel. It doesn't matter, but you can't help this." Why worry about her words when it was true- his feelings wouldn't be hurt by them for he had none.

A fair comment, Lucien thought. But she didn't know the whole truth of it. "You are wrong, though I admit I have not engaged with such emotions for a long time, or around many people." But she wouldn't know that, would she, because he hadn't let her in.

Was the man so deluded, or were all psychopaths such convincing actors when they wanted something, for she could swear he was being more sincere than she had ever seen him. "What would you propose to do?"

He drew himself up and took a breath. This was unfamiliar ground but it had to be done for anything to change. It couldn't be that hard. Open up. Simple enough words. "Firstly, apologise for ignoring your feelings... and our friendship. I neglected my own emotions a long time ago and didn't acknowledge them, in myself or others."

Danasi appreciated the sentiment but didn't really believe him. She would not go through any more turmoil, even if it meant continuing apart as they had been. "Thank you, but you don't need to apologise for the way you are. I was a fool to think how I did about an assassin. Please just go. Things are fine now."

"It is quite understandable you are sceptical, but I do know emotion, Danasi. That is why I ask if we can't reconcile."

She only looked away, arms folded. She would not believe him, and justifiably so. He knew he must give her something real, open up like he never did in the first place. He was not certain such an admission would improve things between them or make it worse, but it seemed to him his only option. "Secondly, I must apologise for forcing so much guilt on you over my death. It... was not mere bad fortune that they found me, yet you've thought this whole time that had you returned sooner it would have ended differently." He had thought on this a lot in the past months. He drew from his own experiences, visualising Danasi's ordeal from his own perspective in an attempt to empathise, for empathy did require a conscious effort in him, and he had realised how callous his reaction to Danasi's confession must have seemed after somewhat experiencing the events from her position.

Her composure cracked as she frowned. "What do you mean?"

Lucien breathed again. "Applewatch held a significance to me... this became known to Ungolim who, I suppose, wagered I might return there at some time."

Danasi's frown deepened and her voice lost some of the cold carefulness it had assumed lately. "Why would you go there knowing that?"

"Sentimentality I suppose. The situation did not look promising through any course of action. I thought if it might be my last act it should be something meaningful to me."

Danasi stared questioningly, lost for words.

Lucien elaborated slightly. "I sought to ensure I had righted an old friend. The Draconis contract was... a personal effort."

Danasi was being pulled one way by her affectation over the personal admission from her brother's last hours, and the other by her horror at hearing he sabotaged his own survival. She slowly stepped towards him. "You knew they knew... and you went there...?" Her cadence increased with her pace. "While I was running around thinking I might stop it? When I didn't have a chance?" She shoved him as she hissed the last word. He stepped back absorbing the blow easily enough, though his form flickered with the disturbance. Danasi paced back to prevent herself doing anything further to the spectre while she processed the information.

"I didn't know they would all be there, there were other places to look. I knew you'd find the traitor, whatever."

Tears of anger and disbelief had filled her eyes from nowhere despite her best efforts to remain cold to him. "That's all I was to do? Find the traitor? I wanted to save you!"

"And that is why I apologise. I hold some of the blame for what happened and yet I've let you carry it all this time."

She looked daggers at him. "If you'd said something, I might have prepared myself. I could have said goodbye. "

That look bothered him. "I did not act rightly, I know. As I said I was not... perceptive of emotions then. I focussed on the business at hand and I ignored yours." Truth was, he'd used her. Of course her job would always have been to root out the traitor, but he'd neglected to acknowledge what he was to her and machinated his own plans without a thought of how it might end for her.

Danasi stood tense, tearful. "And now you come, out of the blue, to say sorry by telling me you chose to walk to your death rather than help, rather than come with me?" She shook her head in confusion. She wished she'd made him leave earlier but her curiosity had gotten the better of her... curiosity killed the cat, isn't that what they said?

He looked down for a second from the mirror she held to his actions. He'd scolded her for mourning the death for which she felt responsible, and eventually acted the gracious one for telling her what she did was merely understandable. He felt almost cruel revealing that she went through all that and everything previous because of his conscious ignorance. He looked her back in the eye. "I come to confess it, Danasi. I have been unfair... in hiding it, in judging your actions. I forgive you, I did this to you. I now ask your forgiveness."

Her careful stance crumbled as the news sunk in, but she could think on only one thing. "I could have saved you..? But you didn't let me..? You should have let me..." The distance she'd built dissipated, her feelings not gone but merely buried, uprooted now with this confession from Lucien. "If you'd come with me we'd have seen them coming, we'd have been stronger together..." The tears began to wet her cheeks as she looked at Lucien with betrayed and bereft eyes, voice hurt and trembling but gentle. "You should have come with me, I could have protected you- I would have protected you..."

The sight of what his words did to his old sister stirred a long unfelt pang in his chest. Funny, how the mind creates pain where it thinks it should despite not possessing the physical parts any longer. Simple enough words. He drew close and steadied the elf, words to comfort her coming unthinkingly now. "I should have, I'm sorry, I wronged you. But it is done, and we're here now, shh, we're here now."

For so long she'd avoided him to stop becoming this mess. The only way she'd managed to pull herself together and move on was to distance herself. It hadn't been too hard after considering he might have never held any real affection for her throughout their time together. The care he gave was quite possibly simply to ensure one good assassin remained operational. But this, now, felt different. His grasp was more comforting than when he'd held her before and she didn't need to listen to his words to find healing power in his tone. Anything personal she had learnt about him was told with careful measure, even ambiguity at times. Never had she received such a heartfelt, unprovoked admission.

Perhaps it was this feeling that caused her to disregard her precautions and kiss him. How often she had longed to, sure she would never be able to communicate the depth of her love through words alone, but hardly daring to even imagine such an imposition on her Speaker, yet now she actually did it without a thought. Her tears soon ceased, though those present mingled between them, and she gradually calmed, worries floating away as he kissed back.

He had not expected it. It was a few moments before his reactions took hold, falling on the side of reciprocation, surprisingly. It was not sexual, but he lost himself a while in the intensity, something that never happened any more other than when indulging his blood-lust. It was their forgiveness, healing, reunion in one wordless act.

Eventually they pulled apart, neither sure which had initiated the break. Voice quiet and hoarse, Danasi looked earnestly at the ghost, who seemed a little more real now. "Lucien... I would give my whole self to you now if I knew this is real... forgive me for not knowing pure affection from you... I only have your word."

Lucien looked on his former protégé, finally grown into her darkness, only succeeding after separating herself from him. And now she was willing him back into her life on his word he would enter this time as a friend. Once, he had ignored her nature focussing on his singular aims instead and it had all but destroyed her. He would not be repeating the same mistake. "I believe it is, but I am not familiar with these feelings... I would not hurt you any more, so this cannot be..." He hesitantly removed his hands from her and created a little more space between them.

Danasi felt rather crestfallen at his admission, though appreciated the honesty. Before she could say anything, however, he continued, "...for now. For today, would you not speak with me?" He gestured to the door.

A gentle smile slowly spread across her face, starting in the eyes, and she dried off her cheeks, straightening up and nodding assuredly. "I hear you are a great deal more knowledgeable on the Void nowadays, I would love to hear about it."

~ o-O-o ~

Note: I hope the hint of a story around Applewatch and the Draconis family isn't too vague or forced in here. Lucien going to Applewatch never made sense to me- there's a paper trail showing he knows about it so what's to stop the Black Hand knowing also? And considering the other measures the DB takes for secrecy would he not have several locations he could use as safe houses if need be? Also I read another fic somewhere around here where the farm featured in Lucien's life at some point, so I suppose it's a little ode to that and a reason for going to that damn farm.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed their proper reunion! Was a little scared as he is OOC from what we see in the games, but she deserves at least an apology and kiss, right? I think we deserved it.