AN: I'm glad you're all still with me, and I'm glad you're all upset. You're supposed to be :D. And trust me, it's going to get a LOT worse in the upcoming chapters. Man, it's good to be back. Queen of Cliffies back on her feet!

Again, kudos to Musicgal for once again naming my own favourite lines in the previous chapter, which happened to be her favourite lines as well. Surprise there. GET OUT OF MY HEAD, YOU CREEPY LONG-LOST AUSTRALIAN TWIN! :)

I just noticed - guys, all of you, there's a lot of capital letters in your reviews. Heheh. Oh, yes, you're upset. This chappy won't make it much better, I can assure you that.

Let's see, was there anything else... oh, yes. EIGHT DAYS. ONLY EIGHT MORE DAYS AND I'LL BE IN LONDON. NINE MORE DAYS AND I WILL HAVE SEEN WICKED FOR THE SIXTH TIME AND WILLEMIJN FOR THE FOURTH TIME. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH.

Anyway, some Fiyeraba fluff for you before I crush your hearts ^_^.

Chapter 30. How much I need you

It felt like she had struck him across the face.

Beside them, Galinda gasped. 'Elphie, what are you saying?' she demanded in a high voice. 'You can't just leave us! We grew up together! We're your friends, your family!'

Elphaba closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again to look at the blonde. 'I know,' she said simply. 'You are. But Glin…' She gestured around her. 'These are my people,' she tried to explain. 'They need me.'

'I need you,' Fiyero whispered brokenly, and she laid her hand against his cheek for a moment. 'That's not true,' she said softly. 'You can go on without me, Yero. You all can. But you have to understand that I have to stay here. This is my home.'

'Is that really how you feel?' Fiyero asked in a strangled voice that didn't sound like his own at all. 'That you're at home here?'

She was silent for a moment. The truth was, she still wasn't sure about what and where 'home' was, exactly… but as the heir to the throne, the Crown Princess of the merpeople, wasn't this her duty? To stay and take care of them?

Not trusting her voice, she nodded mutely, and Fiyero turned away from her.

'Why?' Cohvu asked her quietly. 'El… if this is about Morrible…'

'That's part of it,' she admitted, and he nodded.

'You can try to defeat her and come back then,' he offered, his voice still low. 'We'll wait for you. We understand you have to do that… but that doesn't mean you have to stay here.'

'Yes, it does,' she said simply, and he sighed and his shoulders slumped.

'Alright.' He looked at her. 'If that's the way you feel, then we won't stop you. And perhaps you're right,' he conceded. 'You were born here, after all. You are a mermaid. Perhaps this really is where you belong.'

She wasn't sure why that only made her feel more awful, instead of relieved, about her decision.

Galinda's lower lip was trembling and she seemed to be on the verge of tears. 'Elphie, you can't leave!' she pleaded almost desperately. She grabbed Elphaba's hand. 'We're best friends, all four of us! We were supposed to go to Shiz after the summer! Together! Cohvu and Fiyero were supposed to be roommates, and you and me, and we were going to have an amazing time… we would go on double-dates together, and you would scold me for not paying attention in class, and I would yell at you because your dress would clash with your shoes, and we would go shopping and I would give you makeovers and we'd all be happy!'

Now she really was crying, and Elphaba wrapped her arms around her friend in a hug. 'This isn't the end of our friendship, Glin,' she whispered in the blonde's ear. She pulled away a little to look at her. 'You're right,' she admitted, 'in that I won't come to Shiz with you in the fall anymore. I can't. But I can still change myself into a human – I could come and visit you! It wouldn't be like you'd never see me again!'

'But you wouldn't be with us!' Galinda protested. 'It's not the same, Elphie!'

'No, it's not.' Elphaba looked into her best friend's eyes. 'But it's necessary.'

Fiyero's voice still sounded unusually choked when he said, 'The Vinkun people wouldn't accept their princess living anywhere else than with the royal family.'

It took a while for her to realise what he was saying, and when she did, her heart broke and her throat clogged with unshed tears. 'Oh, Yero…'

'I wanted… I wanted to marry you,' he croaked. 'I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you, Fae. Isn't that enough?'

She swam up to him and cradled his face in both her hands. 'It's more than enough,' she told him, her voice breaking. 'And I love you too. But Yero, that doesn't change the fact that you belong up there… and I belong down here.'

He shook his head violently. 'Then I'll stay here with you,' he declared hotly, proving to her just how deep his love for her went, and cracking her heart even more.

'You can't,' she said softly, regret in her eyes. 'Magic can't keep you breathing under the water forever, Yero.'

A sob rippled through him, and she wrapped her arms around him, holding him close and whispering soothing words in his ear to try and comfort him. He clung to her, crying his heart out into her neck, and a few stray tears made their way down her own cheeks as well. She didn't want to leave him, she really didn't, but what choice did she have? This was the place where she was born. This was the place where she belonged, whether she liked it or not, and so she had to stay. To fulfil her duty and take care of her people.

When she told Lori and Hamold about her decision, they were sad, but at least they understood; which was something she couldn't say about Fiyero.

After telling her friends about her decision, she had informed Aurya, who had been delighted. However, she also understood it must be hard for both Elphaba and her friends and family. She was the one who had suggested this trip.

'If you're really sure about this,' she'd said to her niece, 'then it's only fair if you go back with them to say goodbye. You should tell Hamold and Lori in person, and this way, you get to spend some more time with Cohvu, Galinda and Fiyero. That'll give them a chance to get used to the idea. Don't worry, we can manage without you for a few days.'

And so here she was. Back at Adurin Iir. And it wasn't half as easy as she'd hoped it would be.

Lori and Hamold were actually the least of her problems. She'd had a long talk with them, and they had told her how much they'd miss her – she'd grown to be like a daughter to them and they were incredibly sad to see her go, but at the same time, they were happy that she had found her family and the place where she belonged. They'd told her they loved her and they wished her the best.

Seeing Cohvu was worse. He'd assured her that he understood her decision and that he was happy for her, but it was clear that he wasn't himself at all. He was moody and sombre, he snapped at everyone for no reason, and he refused to talk about any of it.

Then there was Galinda, who would burst into tears every time she laid eyes on her best friend, wailing that she couldn't miss her and if Elphaba would please, please, please just stay here.

And then there was Fiyero.

Fiyero, who, more so than everyone else combined, was the reason that she was out here on the beach right now, on her very last day ashore, all by herself; because she couldn't stand being around him for much longer. She just couldn't look at him without feeling like a horrendible person. He was sporting a beaten puppy look that broke her heart every time she saw it.

She knew this must be hard for him. It was hard for her, too. But this was the right decision for her to make. She couldn't put her own happiness before the happiness of her people. She had to take care of them; that was her responsibility, and that was the most important thing. Even more important than her love for Fiyero.

She stared across the ocean, not even noticing the turtle until it was already at her feet. She smiled upon seeing it, recognising it by the dark patch on its shield. 'Hey, turtle. Long time no see.' She sighed deeply. 'You've missed a lot.'

The animal seemed to be listening to her, and suddenly, she started wondering if perhaps it really did understand what she was saying. She was a creature of the sea as well, after all. At least partly. Could she communicate with sea animals, too? Was that an aspect of her mermaid powers she hadn't discoverated yet?

She shook her head, irritated with herself. Now she was getting paranoid as well. Great.

She wasn't sure for how long she stayed out there before someone joined her. She didn't even need to look up to know that it was Fiyero.

She tossed a pebble out into the sea. 'Please don't look at me like that.'

He sat down in the sand next to her. 'Like what?'

She looked away. 'Like I've done something awful to you.'

He didn't say anything. Now she did look at him. 'That's how you see it, isn't it?' she asked quietly. 'Like I've done something awful to you. And I am. Doing something awful to you, I mean. But I'm not doing it to hurt you, Yero, you know that.'

He sighed and raked his fingers through his hair. 'Elphaba…'

She cringed. Him calling her by her full name, she had learnt, was never a good sign.

'Look,' she said before he could say anything else. 'I know you hate this. I do, too. But you're not the only factor here, Yero. I can't just turn my back on my people –'

'Can't someone else take care of your people?'

She stared at him. 'Fiyero,' she said. 'You're a Crown Prince. You should understand this better than anyone. If you had to choose between your people and me –'

Again, he cut her off. 'I'd choose you a hundred times over.'

'This is about their safety, Fiyero!' She rose to her feet and started pacing. 'I have to take care of them, keep them safe from Morrible! What if she tries something again?'

He got up as well. 'Then stay until you manage to defeat Morrible and come back afterwards! Or even better, let someone else take care of Morrible! All merpeople have magic, don't they? Just find some strong ones and teach them how to take out Morrible, and –'

'They're my people,' she insisted. 'They're my responsibility.'

He sighed and sank back down onto the sand. 'I wish I could say I didn't understand why you're doing this,' he said miserably. 'But the thing is… I do. I mean… I'm not sure if I would do the same in your position,' he confessed. 'But I know you, and I know that you could never leave a person that needs your help, let alone an entire kingdom. Not even for me.'

She softened and sat down beside him, curling her toes in the sand. She slipped her fingers into his. 'I'm sorry,' she told him. 'I really am.'

He offered her a weak smile. 'I know.'

She lay her head on his shoulder. 'I love you, Yero.'

'I love you, too,' he whispered, kissing her hair.

They moved so that she was sitting between his legs, her back leaning against his chest, his arms around her and their fingers still entwined. They watched as the turtle made its way back into the sea. They watched the sea gulls circling above the water, trying to catch some fish. They watched the sun slowly setting in the western sky. They sat like that for a long time, trying to pretend that everything was normal, that it was just another day of their old life together.

But it wasn't, and they both knew it.

After a while, when the sky in the west coloured gold and pink and orange, Fiyero spoke up. 'What's going to happen to us now?'

She looked back at him with large, sad eyes, turning around in his arms so that she could cup his cheek with one hand. 'Nothing, Yero,' she whispered. 'We can't be together.'

He closed his eyes for a moment. Deep down, he'd known this already, but he hadn't wanted to believe it. He still didn't. 'You're not coming back.'

She shook her head.

'At all.'

She bit her lip. 'No.'

'Why?' His voice was choked. 'Can't we just… figure something out? I mean… I could visit you every now and then, couldn't I? And you could visit me… It'd be like… a long-distance thing?'

She was already shaking her head. 'Yero…' She sighed. 'I'm going to be Queen soon,' she said quietly. 'You're going to be King. You said so yourself – your people wouldn't accept a Queen that doesn't live with –'

'I don't care about the people!' said Fiyero unhappily. 'I care about you!'

She caressed his cheek with her thumb. 'I care about you, too,' she whispered. 'But it's not possible. It can't be, Yero. I'm sorry. I love you, and what we have is wonderful, but… but we have to end it here.'

It took him all of his willpower not to burst into tears right then and there. He studied her. 'You…' He cleared his throat in an attempt to make his voice sound less pathetic. 'You told Galinda you'd visit.'

She averted her eyes.

'You're not going to,' he croaked. 'Are you?'

She hesitated, then shook her head. 'No,' she whispered. 'Yero, I… I can't. I can't live two lives. I can't come back here to hear about your stories at Shiz, to have Cohvu looking at me with those sad eyes and to have Galinda crying over me all the time. It'd be too painful. For all of us.'

'You can't see me again.' It wasn't a question; merely a statement.

She blinked rapidly in an attempt to prevent those stupid tears from falling. 'I can't, Yero,' she whispered, her voice breaking. 'It'd hurt too much.'

'Please stay.'

She shook her head. 'You can't ask that of me.'

He wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder and looking over it at the ocean sparkling behind her. 'What do you want me to do, then, Elphaba?'

She pulled away to look at him, cradling his face in her hands and wiping away his tears with her thumbs. 'I want you to move on,' she told him. 'I want you to start dating again. I want you to find a nice girl and marry her one day, make her your Queen. I want you to be happy.'

'I could never be happy without you,' he said stubbornly.

She kissed him. 'Yes, you can be,' she said. 'And you will be.'

He looked at her, then kissed her, using the kiss to tell her everything he couldn't say with words. She wound her arms around his neck and he pushed her back, so that she was lying on her back in the sand and he was positioned above her. He kissed her until they were both breathless and gasping for air, and the moment they'd caught their breath, he kissed her again. He couldn't let her go. Not now. Not ever.

'Yero,' she gasped between kisses. 'I have… have to go…'

'No,' he grunted, pinning her arms down next to her head. 'You're not going anywhere.'

She looked up at him imploringly. 'Yero…'

He was breathing hard. He tried to avoid her gaze, because he knew that he could never stand that pleading look in her eyes; but then her eyes caught his and he was lost.

'Please don't make this any harder than it already is,' she whispered.

He looked at her. He studied her every feature – her ebony hair, her thin, dark eyebrows, her long eyelashes, her beautiful, sparkling eyes, her straight nose, her lips, her chin, her neck. He traced her features with his index finger, willing himself to remember her like this forever.

'Smile for me,' he whispered.

She furrowed her brow. 'What?'

'Please?' He twirled a strand of her hair around his fingers. 'I want to see you smile. I love your smile.'

That would have made her smile, normally; now, it just made her want to cry. 'Yero…'

He looked like a lost puppy again, and she looked into his sapphire blue eyes. She remembered him, all the time she'd spent with him – as his friend, as his girlfriend, as his favourite victim in his dancing-through-life stage. She remembered him as a young boy, and that memory did make her smile. How happy they'd been back then. How carefree…

He smiled, too, tracing one of her dimples with his fingers. 'I love those dimples,' he whispered.

She turned her head to kiss his finger. 'I remember.'

He let go of her, and she sat up, looking at him. 'I have to go, Yero.'

He started panicking. 'Now?' he protested. 'You can't go now! You haven't said goodbye to the others, and –'

'I said goodbye to them before I came out here,' she said.

He looked hurt. 'You didn't say goodbye to me,' he pointed out.

She smiled and kissed his cheek. 'That's because I knew you'd find me here,' she said softly. 'You always find me.'

He kissed her in reply.

She looked into his eyes one final time, memorising them. 'Goodbye, Yero,' she whispered, kissing him one last time – a long, searing kiss that took her breath away. Then she slowly pulled away from him and walked into the sea, the waves washing over her feet.

Fiyero watched her every move, still as a statue himself. 'Fae?' he croaked.

She looked over her shoulder.

'I love you,' he said.

She smiled, showing him her dimples one last time. 'I love you, too, Yero,' she said.

Then she disappeared under the ocean's waves.