Disclaimer: I don't own it, I just ship it
Warning: AU, strong language, boy x boy pairings, violence (more so bullying in the beginning), and because this was inspired by the manga Iris Zero, there may be some minor spoilers for it.
I was in a weird mood… :P
oOo
The final bell of the school day had long since rung. Many of the students were making their way to afterschool sports and clubs, others were relaxing in the library or café, but few were ready to pack up and go home. The two voices speaking in urgent, semi-hushed tones in the Student Council room were no different…With the door shut and the lights dim, it was anyone's guess what was really going on inside…
"Look, even if I did want to, there's not enough room…"
"Lovino, you know this is an offer you can't refuse…"
"Watch me."
"Come here…I'll help you, if you're so scared."
"I'm not scared, dammit!" Lovino spat. "I'm just…I'm not ready for this, okay?!"
"Please, Lovino…?" Alfred was practically begging him at this point. "It can only be you!"
"Well, as much as I love having a guy on his knees for me…" Lovino rolled his eyes. "No, I won't."
"Aw, come on!" Alfred jumped up, clutching the other's arm. "You have to! I know you want to!"
"Don't try to tell me what to do, bastard!" Lovino tried to squirm out of Alfred's strong hold, causing the blond to capture him in a bear hug. "It won't work!"
"Pleeeeeeeeease?!"
"I already said no!"
"Um…are you guys okay, in there?" Kiku's timid voice echoed from the other side of the door. "And even if you're not, may I come in? It's important."
"Uh, just a minute!" Alfred called back, releasing the Italian.
"What the hell?! Now you got Kiku thinking we're up to weird shit!" Lovino hissed, flicking on the rest of the lights (Alfred's insistence on secret agent-like secrecy be damned). "He's lying! You can come in, rice bastard!"
Kiku entered and took in the disheveled appearance of both boys. There had clearly been a scuffle, but over what? Kiku deeply regretted not installing private cameras in here when he had the chance. Even his Iris wasn't giving him a good clue unless 'Kill the hamburger bastard' and 'I wonder what Kiku's up to' were code for something else.
"What were you two doing in here?" he couldn't help but smirk.
"Nothing!" the Italian had the decency to blush.
"I was trying to get Lovino to sign off on being the next World Academy Police Commissioner!" Alfred complained. "But he won't listen to reason!"
"The Police Commissioner?"
"Some idiotic position Alfred made up to get me to save his ass on the Student Council," Lovino explained.
"So if Lovino takes this role, the two of you will be working closely together?" Kiku asked, raising an eyebrow. "Along with the rest of the Student Council, of course."
"Yep!" the blonde exclaimed proudly, placing a hand on Lovino's shoulder.
"Yeah, so maybe you could explain to this moron why that's a bad idea," the brunette gestured to Alfred. "I can't seem to get through to him at all."
"Actually, I think you should take the position, Lovino."
"What?!"
"Yes!" Alfred cheered, fist-pumping the air.
"I think it would be a perfect opportunity for you to interact with more students and have your voice be heard. You're one of the school's top students, correct?" Kiku smiled evenly. "And wouldn't it be a good opportunity for you to do something about the bullying problem World Academy has going on?"
"Well, I…I guess so…" Lovino seemed unsure.
"Awesome!" Alfred put the paper in front of the brunette and tossed his Japanese friend a thumbs up. "You're the best, Kiku!"
"Shut up, hamburger bastard. I'm only doing this to teach those other jackasses a lesson!" Lovino hastily scribbled out his name.
"I know…" Alfred smiled gleefully and looked over the paper. "Hey, you're right. There really wasn't much room for you to sign your name. I'll make the signature line bigger on your next contract."
"What do you mean my 'next contract?!'"
"So, what did you need, Kiku?" the blonde turned his attention to his quieter friend.
"Not much, just your signature to release the names of our next Student Council to the Newspaper Club to print," Kiku offered him the papers. "We pride ourselves on accuracy and quality writing, you know."
"I know," Alfred signed his name with flourish. "That's why I made you Secretary, after all!"
oOo
"So he wants you for Secretary, Arthur Kirkland for Treasurer, and Ludwig Beilschmidt for Vice-President?" Elizabeta looked over the list. "Surprisingly efficient team for him…Roderich won't even be able to complain."
"And Lovino Vargas for World Academy Police Commissioner."
"You're kidding."
"No."
"Well, that sounds like a discussion for our other club…" she giggled. "Christmas must have come early this year!"
"Will there be anything else?" Kiku asked.
"Yes, I have another Newspaper Club assignment for you."
Kiku followed the brunette into another of her many offices. Elizabeta Héderváry was an extremely ambitious and driven honor student. Her freshman year, she started a club for fellow yaoi enthusiasts called the SHIP Club, short for Seeing Happiness In Pairings Club. (this caused confusion to the occasional student misinterpreting it as something nautical. Arthur Kirkland in particular was not happy when he had gone to check it out and was nearly forced to kiss Francis in a ridiculous mermaid costume). Elizabeta wrote the club charter as 'a club that spreads happiness to all.' She just happened to leave out the part about focusing on boy/boy couples. It brought new meaning to the phrase 'I'd ship that.' Her determination and willingness to go where no fan had gone before won her many followers. It was no surprise when she became Editor in Chief of the school newspaper…even if she did use it as a way to gain information on OTP candidates. She's already accomplished more at World Academy than a politician could in any term. On paper, she's the perfect role model.
Inside Elizabeta's editor office was like being inside organized chaos. Piles upon piles of doujinshi rested on the far shelf. There were also at least a dozen bookmarks in each volume. It looked messy, but Kiku learned his Chief's method of color coding them by pairing (example: white = Ludwig and Feliciano, as both have naïve, pure feelings), genre (example: sci-fi = TARDIS blue) and overall graphicness (example: bright red = your nose will erupt into fountains of blood). If you asked her for a specific image or sample, she could pull it up instantly. On the opposite wall was a rotating whiteboard that held current article assignments on one side (which was often displayed for the sake of keeping up appearances) and photos of all her favorite couples along with their relationship progress on the other. Resting in one of the plush guest chairs was Mei. The transfer student from Taiwan was waiting with her completed assignment. She smiled kindly at them both and handed a report over to the brunette.
"Thank you both for all your hard work!" Elizabeta exclaimed. "You're helping me realize my dream of using my Iris and position to make happiness bloom for all the students of World Academy!"
A pause.
"And if they just so happen to be young, attractive men, then all the better!"
Kiku applauded her along with Mei, who was throwing confetti at the same time. Elizabeta was truly perfect for the job, especially when her Iris was taken into account. Kiku recalled the day she first explained it to him; he was jealous of how poetic it was. The SHIP Club president could see happiness bloom in the form of a flower over a person's heart. The happier the person was, the more beautiful their flower was. After sweeping up the confetti, Elizabeta gave Kiku his newest case.
"In a recent popularity poll, Alfred made the number one slot," she informed him. "This is fitting, since he's the new Student Council President."
"And what would you like me to do?"
"I want you to delve deeper into the mystery that is Alfred," she crossed her hands in front of her. "I want to know the answers to the questions keeping me and other fans awake at night…I want to know what exactly the 'F' in Alfred F. Jones stands for!"
"As you command…" he bowed and took his leave.
oOo
Kiku's first response was to discreetly look it up online (i.e. hack the school files) and was surprised to find nothing. Alfred was literally registered under 'F' for his middle name. He found that odd, so Kiku checked his facebook, twitter, and other social media accounts. The Japanese boy only got more of the same. If Alfred mentioned a middle name, he had simply used the letter 'F.'
Kiku decided to ask Feliciano about it when he passed him in the hall, since he and Alfred were in a lot of classes together. It also didn't hurt that Alfred was friends with Feliciano's brother. Unfortunately, Feli didn't have the answer Kiku was looking for. He was curious, so he asked why Kiku wanted to know.
"It's for the Newspaper Club," he explained. "I couldn't find any clues online, so I started asking people if they knew Alfred's middle name."
"Ve~! That sounds fun!" Feliciano bounced in place. "Can I come along too?"
Kiku allowed it, seeing no harm in it. People might even open up to him more with the bubbly Italian accompanying him. First on the list was Arthur, who had the privilege and pain of being Alfred's cousin. Kiku was close to him, so he wasn't concerned about Arthur's typical tsundere nature or having any difficulty tracking him down. A trip to the school café proved his point. The Brit was currently sipping a cup of tea alongside Francis (who was doing his best not to undress the spunky blonde with his eyes). If he didn't have his assignment, Kiku would have stopped to take a picture.
Well…he might, anyway. Mei would thank him later.
"Hello, Arthur. Francis," Kiku nodded his head to them.
"Kiku, pleasant surprise…" Arthur gestured for him to take a seat, but lost his smile when he saw the hyper Italian with him. That didn't bode well for his headache. He almost regretted inviting them to sit now. "Oh…and you brought Feliciano with you…"
"Ciao! Ciao!" Feli chirped.
"To what do we owe the pleasure?" Francis asked, casually draping an arm over Feliciano's shoulders. He had no problem with excitable people, provided they were good-looking.
"Newspaper assignment for Elizabeta…"
Both blondes groaned.
"Relax, it's not about you two this time. It's about Alfred," Kiku explained, looking at the Brit. "Since you're his cousin, I thought you might have the answer."
"What did that wanker do this time?"
"Ve~! We're trying to figure out what his middle name is!" Feliciano cut in.
Arthur paled, while Francis chuckled and agreed that was a good question. They all turned to Arthur for confirmation.
"Oh, well, actually, I don't even know…" claimed the blonde tsundere.
Feliciano blindly accepted the answer, but Kiku could see from his Iris that Arthur was keeping it a secret. The comic-like thought bubble that appeared over Arthur's head read 'I can't tell…I promised not to…' Despite the fact that Arthur obviously knew, the skillful reporter chose not to press the issue. He didn't want to misuse his Iris or lose Arthur's trust.
"Why do you ask?" Francis tilted his head curiously.
"Alfredo won this month's popularity poll!" the brunette blurted out before Kiku could stop him.
"A-Alfred won…? He won over moi?!" Francis began throwing a hissy fit. "What is this travesty?!"
Kiku and Feli quickly bailed, leaving Arthur to deal with it.
oOo
The reporting duo continued making their way down Kiku's list of leads. Next, was Matthew, who was Alfred's elusive brother. He would certainly know, but Kiku was less familiar with him. Hopefully, he would be willing to talk to them.
After a twenty minute search around the school, Kiku amended that statement to hopefully they would be able to find him first. How was such a shy person able to hide so well? His sneaking skills were on par with Kiku's ninja-like training (translation: watching too much anime).
Meanwhile, Matthew Jones looked up from his book. He had been sitting in plain sight on a bench outside the library, since the weather was so nice today. Kumajiro followed suit and poked his nose over his riveting science journal of arctic fish species native to Canada and the surrounding area.
"What are they doing…?" he asked his master, pointing a claw at the two strange boys running across the walkway, ducking behind trees and trash bins.
Matthew could only shrug and wonder why the wings on their backs looked so Curious today.
In the process of looking for Matthew, the two ran into Ludwig. Kiku knew the blonde had recently started working with Alfred as his Vice-President. Maybe he happened to read or overhear something…?
"His middle name? I'm sorry, but I have no idea," responded Ludwig. "Why do you want to know?"
"It's a special assignment from Elizabeta!" Feliciano piped up.
Kiku froze a little as he felt Ludwig's narrowed eyes rest on him.
"Is this really for the newspaper or for her other club…the stalking one?"
"Ah, Ludwig-san, don't be silly!" the Japanese boy tried to laugh it off.
"I shouldn't have to remind you that I can see through lies…"
"Oh! Look at the time!" Kiku grabbed Feliciano's sleeve. "We must be going! Lots of people to interview!"
Feliciano followed happily, despite Ludwig's complaints.
oOo
What on earth did the 'F' stand for?! Why didn't anyone know?! The mystery deepened and Kiku grew more and more impatient. He had never had this much trouble with an assignment before! This was ridiculous! What did the 'F' stand for?!
"I don't know," Matthias scratched his head, before grinning. "But I always suspected it was 'fucking.' As in Alfred Fucking Jones!"
"Thank you, but I don't think we can publish that…"
They even left for the nearby arcade where Alfred occasionally hung out with some of his old classmates, despite going to different schools now. They were all too happy to talk to Kiku and Feliciano.
"Oh, we always called him Alfred 'Fire Alarm' Jones on account that he always pulled the fire alarm to get out of tests he forgot to study for back in middle school!"
"…I could see that," mused Kiku.
"I had no idea Alfredo was a delinquent!" the brunette gasped.
"Ain't your brother the Iris Zero?" one asked. He shared a bus with some World Academy students in the morning, so he overheard a few conversations.
"That makes him like the King of Delinquents, don't it?" another added.
"W-What'd you say about my brother?!" Feliciano flailed his arms in their general direction. Kiku quickly dragged him kicking and wailing out of the arcade. "You don't even know him!"
One dish of calming gelato later and the reporters were back on campus and back on the case. Tino passed by and he seemed as knowledgeable as anyone. (Yes, they had gotten that desperate).
"Hmm…Probably 'Franklin' since that's an old-fashioned name like Alfred," Tino smiled sweetly.
"That is logical," Kiku agreed. "I wish we could back it up, though…"
"Ve~! 'Alfred Franklin Jones' has a nice ring to it!"
Professor Carlos Machado passed by them next.
"Fatass," was all he said.
"Uh…Are you allowed to say that about a student?" the Italian asked.
"You can say that because you don't see all the filth he eats everyday!" the Cuban shot back.
"That's…an interesting Iris…" Kiku laughed weakly.
"It's a curse! Being able to see what a person has eaten! Horrible!" he continued ranting. "I can't even watch a McDonald's commercial without feeling sick thanks to that brat!"
By now, both were tired and no closer to achieving their goal than when they first started out. They passed by Lovino, who was reading something in the library. Deciding it was worth a shot; they walked over and asked him if he had any idea what the 'F' stood for.
"Frillybottoms," he calmly replied, after setting his book down.
Both chuckled at this, but Lovino insisted he wasn't joking.
"Yes, but Frillybottoms?"
"You doubt the word of Alfred's newest friend?"
"Um…"
Kiku focused his Iris on Lovino, who arched an eyebrow.
'Frillybottoms, Frillybottoms, Frillybottoms…'
"I see you've figured out my Iris, then…" the black-haired boy sighed.
"I don't know what you're talking about," the green-eyed Italian smirked.
oOo
In the end, they reported their findings to Elizabeta, who burst out laughing at Lovino's answer. She suggested writing it as a comedic anonymous source. That way it wouldn't discredit their accuracy and would still be entertaining to read.
Sure enough, the school found it hilarious. Alfred was mortified. He complained to it to Lovino over lunch the day after it was printed.
"And here I thought you'd like the name…"
"You were the one who made that up?!"
"I told you not to call me 'Lovi' or you'd regret it."
"Just when I thought we were getting to be such good friends…" Alfred ate his pudding with a pout.
"So what is your middle name, bastard?" Lovino laughed.
"I-It's, uh, well, actually, it's kind of embarrassing…"
"More embarrassing than "Frillybottoms?"
Alfred nodded.
"Well, now you have to tell me."
"What? No, I don't! You'd just laugh."
"Yeah, I probably will, but it's only fair. I've been telling you all kinds of things about my life, nosy bastard," he shrugged dramatically. "Unless you don't really trust me…I guess we're not friends after all…"
"You are so evil…"
"Yep, so spill."
Alfred sighed and leaned over to whisper it into the Italian's ear.
"Fine, it's—"
Lovino's resounding laughter could be heard from all corners of the campus that afternoon.
oOo
A/N – Yep, these are the weird things I think of late at night. Does anyone even know Alfred's middle name? Last I checked, Himaruya suggested "Foster" or "Franklin" on his blog, but didn't confirm anything, saying the mystery only deepens...Yeah. My money's on "Fiona" XD
-Rajikka
Translations
Fratello – Brother (It.)
Tsundere – A type of character seen in anime or manga known for appearing cold or hostile, but having a hidden sweet side. "Tsun Tsun" is the aloof or irritable side, while "Dere Dere" is the lovey dovey side. (Jp.)
Ciao - Hello (It.)
Moi – Me (Fr.)