Everything seemed so surreal; James and Logan were back, though something seemed different. Kendall almost felt as if they didn't have the same connection like he felt with Carlos, though that is to be expected, right? Carlos was there for the first person that they had saved…and in the end lost. It had just been the day before that they had gotten the news and Kendall didn't know how to deal with his feelings yet. He still felt anger and hurt and guilt for not being able to do his job properly.

He shook his head when he heard a voice calling his name, "What?"

"Hey, you ok?" James asked looking at him with concern evident in his eyes.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine." He said though his voice was a little faulty, not fooling James, "I'm just tired." He reached for the other males hand and squeezed it tight under the table forcing a small smile. It wasn't completely a lie, he was tired since he didn't sleep to well the night before because he was thinking about how Carlos was hurting and trying to deal with his own feelings.

"Kendall, you can talk to me. That's why I'm here. OK?" James said looking deep into Kendall's green ones. Kendall dropped his eyes and looked at their intertwined fingers that were now covered by James' other hand in almost a pleading manner. Kendall knew that he should be able to talk to James about everything. This seemed so personal though, something between him and Carlos.

He looked up at the Latino who hadn't eaten a single bite. This broke the blonde's heart knowing that Carlos was 'always hungry'. Kendall gently nudged the smaller boy with his foot and caught his eye, "Carlos, aren't you gonna eat?"

"No, I'm not hungry." He replied pushing his plate away in finality.

"You need to eat, bud. We gotta go to work soon." He felt like a hypocrite saying this since he had only eaten a few bites of his own food, and it didn't go unnoticed.

"You haven't eaten either, Kendall!" Carlos snapped back.

Kendall winced at the harshness in his voice. He never sounded angry. "I know your right. I'm just not hungry either." A thought popped into his head and brought pain with it as he thought of his mother telling him this very same thing, "We can't get attached Carlos. We can't think about it when this stuff happens. We have to move on and give everything we have to the next patient. We can't let our own feelings get us down or tired because then we can't give our all. We have to be stronger." He tightened his grip on James' hand as he swallowed the lump in his throat without ease.

Carlos' expression had weakened into one of almost thought or numbness. He looked as if he were in shock, though he soon recovered. "Yeah, I know your right. It's just hard, Kendall. We told him we would take care of him and that he was going to be ok. We broke our promises. We even told him we would see him in the morning.

There's that guilt again. It shot through his chest as he nodded, "Yeah, I know we did. But we can't think about it. We have to move on and get over it. Like I said last night, he wasn't in pain, hell, he was probably hardly aware of what was going on."

Carlos didn't respond to this. What else was there to say? Nothing! There isn't a single damn thing to say to any of that. It was the truth and that was that. You have to leave your work out of your personal feelings and personal lives. He looked at James who was looking between him and the Latino worried. Logan hadn't said a single word. He didn't do well under these sorts of incidences. He never really knew what to say.

Kendall had to say something to James, he just didn't know what to say so he said the first thing that came to his mind when he locked in on those beautiful hazel eyes, "I love you."

James let out a huff of air that he had seemed to have been holding, a small smile danced across his lips as he pulled Kendall into a tight hug, "I love you too."

Kendall went through the mail that had been dropped on the end of his bed. He divided it out between him, James, Carlos, and Logan. He saw how there was a letter for James that had vaguely familiar hand writing on it and Kendall looked at the top left hand corner, Erin. "Oh. Hell no!" Kendall whispered to himself as he looked down at the letter that was in his now shaking hands. He shook his head knowing that it wouldn't be right to open the envelope and read James' stuff. He trusted him right? Yeah, he had told him so the night before he had left to come here. Of course he trusted him. Kendall stood to drop the envelope on James' bed before he noticed another envelope that had been tucked in the side of the brunette's duffel bag. Kendall looked over his shoulder to make sure that James and Logan hadn't come back from kitchen duty and Carlos was still in the bathroom doing whatever the hell Carlos does in there that takes so long. He snatched the other envelope from its spot in the bag and saw that it had been opened. It also had the same girly hand writing with Erin's name neatly printed on the top where the return address is to be labeled.

Kendall shook his head feeling anger build inside of his chest. He didn't know what the hell to think at this point. God damn! It just seemed so strange that his ex of three years had sent him multiple letters. Kendall's curiosity got the best of him.

He pulled the letter out of the already opened envelope and whispered "Jesus Christ, so help me" to himself before he began to read the letter.

I'm sorry that it took me so long to update. A lot has been going on between work and school. I have also been dealing with problems in the family. Sorry once again! Read and let me know what you think!