Disclaimer: I don't own it, I just ship it
Warning: AU, strong language, boy x boy pairings, violence (more so bullying in the beginning), and because this was inspired by the manga Iris Zero, there may be some minor spoilers for it.
This time we get to watch our little Investigation Team put the "fun" in "dysfunctional!" I think it's the longest chapter I've written for this story so far! Enjoy :)
oOo
The final bell had rung for the day and all of Alfred's recruits for the Kitchen Menace Mission had begun gathering in the Student Council room. Both Vargas brothers were staring into the piranha tank at the dangerous fish. Lovino frowned at the ugly-looking creatures with blood-stained bellies and a giant underbite. With their buggy little eyes, they looked almost stupid, but neither Italian was going to say anything in the event that the little bastards somehow understood English and held a grudge until the day a radioactive event caused them to mutate and walk the land, looking for prey.
And no, they had not been watching too many cheesy horror flicks.
The fish swam around the bubbling filter and through the sunken pirate ship toy. There was also a fake treasure chest and several plastic plants nearby for the little monsters to dodge and weave around. On the outside of the large tank was a note warning others to avoid opening the tank if they wanted to keep all their fingers.
"Umm…Why did Alfred want a tank full of piranhas again?" Feliciano shifted his feet uncomfortably. He could have sworn one of them was staring at him.
"Hell if I know…" Lovino replied, frowning at the fish.
After a few more minutes, the crack team of Alfred, Lovino, Feliciano, Ludwig, Gilbert, and Matthew had assembled. They had all agreed to start interviewing others using Alfred's Iris to find people qualified to give good answers and Ludwig's Iris to make sure those answers were the truth. The general consensus was to begin with the cooking staff before they left for the day. If all of the incidents took place in the kitchen, one of them might be able to help their investigation.
Sure enough, the chefs and food service staff were cleaning up the kitchens after a long day's work. They had been preparing to leave, but a pair of dazzling smiles coming from Alfred and Feliciano was enough to convince them otherwise. It was hard to say no to the boy who praised their food everyday when he bought lunch at school and the other who always praised their cooking techniques, especially when pasta was involved. Ludwig briefly explained how the Headmaster asked them to look into some things for him before he began asking questions.
"Did you notice any suspicious behavior among students or staff when the incidents began?" Ludwig asked the head chef.
"No, of course not," the older man replied.
A lie.
"So none of the students acted out of the ordinary?"
"I just said they didn't. All the students I saw were about as normal as you get."
Truth.
"Then which staff members were acting odd?"
The head chef fumbled with his words for a moment. He realized Ludwig had some kind of interrogating Iris or something. It would be in his best interest to tell the truth, especially if these kids were working for the Headmaster. He didn't want to get into any trouble…
"You didn't hear it from me, but…" the man looked around nervously as his staff scurried around him, scrubbing tabletops and putting the dishes away. "…Lately, Professor Valentin Serban has been making bizarre requests for exotic plants. Some are actually edible, but I don't have the authority to import the strange things he demands. He usually leaves rather upset."
"Thank you for your time," Ludwig nodded, scribbling down a few notes. "You've been a great help."
The investigation team spoke to some more of the kitchen staff, trying to interview as many as possible. Alfred led them to the ones who qualified as having clues and being important to solving the case. While the junior detectives paid special attention to them, the group also talked to others to avoid singling individuals out.
"So how many entrances and exits lead to the kitchen?" Alfred asked.
"Um…maybe four…?" a younger man answered, counting the exits off on his hand. "There's the main entrance, two side-doors leading to the school hallway, and a back exit..."
"When do you lock them for the night?" Matthew inquired.
"The last person always locks them before leaving," a long-haired girl explained, setting down the plate she had been washing. "Usually the head chef or whoever's cleaning late."
"What about the windows here?" Lovino gestured to the windows near the sink.
"…" a grumpy-looking older woman just frowned at him with her sunken face, as if disgusted his mere presence was contaminating her kitchen. She'd heard the rumors. Kids talked. This little punk was an Iris Zero. He had no right to be here.
"Oi, he asked you a question," Gilbert scowled right back at her. He had already wore his patience thin after wandering the kitchen and getting his hand slapped by the food service staff every time he tried to 'help' them by taste-testing the snacks they were preparing for tomorrow. The albino also wasn't thrilled with the way one of the cooks kept staring at Gilbird and sharpening his knife. Freaks.
Ludwig and Feliciano were quick to guide their older brothers away from the frowning woman who looked as if she was contemplating braining both with a rolling pin. When the younger German and Italian took over the interview, old stringy-hair was much more cooperative. She informed them that the person who locked up was supposed to lock the windows too, but sometimes they'd forget. She'd come in early on more than one occasion to find them unlocked, even open if the wind had been strong enough. After that, she seemed stuck on the topic of the thief stealing aprons – including her favorite one, that fit her 'girlish figure' perfectly – and how she hopes they get thrown in jail for the crime.
Annoyed with the haggard woman who kept glaring at him, Lovino joined Matthew crouched beside the laundry bin staff tossed their dirty aprons, uniforms, and oven mitts in. Matthew explained that one of the busboys told him this was where the aprons and uniforms had gone missing.
"Find anything good?" Lovino asked with a bored tone.
"Not really, just this," the blonde pointed out some scratches reaching up the side of the laundry bin. "I asked the busboy if he knew what happened and he said it's an old bin. Sometimes the person who does laundry doesn't treat it with the upmost care."
Lovino nodded. He figured if he had to do that much laundry every day, he'd be pissed too. Then again, he knew better than to blindly take the word of someone he didn't know. Neither busboy he'd spoken to seemed particularly bright. Hell, they made his own spacey brother look like a brain surgeon. He didn't want to make the mistake of not keeping his mind open to other theories. What kind of object or treatment could create scratches like this? It wasn't as if these were your average scuff marks…
"You look like you're thinking hard about something," Matthew smiled softly.
"Not really…"
"Heheh…Alfred was right," the blonde chuckled. Lovino's brows were furrowed together and his expression was serious while the gears inside his head spun out different theories about the mystery they were trying to solve. "You look a lot like a detective."
"W-What? I'm not a detective, dammit!" the tsundere blushed. What kind of dumb things was Alfred saying about him?! …Why was Alfred talking about him anyway?
"Don't worry," Matthew said comfortingly, noting Lovino's wings flicker between anxious yellow and an intense red. "He goes on and on about you, but it's only good things."
This didn't help Lovino any and he felt his entire face burning. The soft-spoken blonde patted him on his shoulder and stood up to join his brother. Lovino had to admit he felt a lot better after he was given some space to properly sort himself out (read: have a mental freak-out). He didn't like how the empath could get in his head like that. The brunette wasn't used to it and it bothered him. Getting into people's heads was his job, Iris or not. Lovino spared a glance in Alfred's direction. The latter was still caught up in a discussion about adding hamburgers to the school menu with one of the chefs. The chef insisted that his Iris showed him pictures of the food people liked to eat and very few students had images of hamburgers floating around them.
Oh, well. Better than having Alfred in my head…That would be embarrassing.
After completing his testimony, one of the younger chefs retrieved a copy of the list of missing supplies. There didn't seem to be any connection between what was taken, when it was taken, or the quantity of what was taken. Aprons, shirts, apple tarts, eggs, hair nets, raspberries, bananas, cookies, wash rags, various spices…It seemed so random, as if the thief broke in and just grabbed whatever caught his or her eye at the time.
Upon leaving the kitchen area, Gilbert kept staring at his phone in annoyance. Feliciano asked him what was wrong, so Gilbert began complaining about how he texted both Francis and Antonio to keep their eyes open for suspicious people. Normally, both text him back right away, but he still hadn't heard from his Spanish friend.
"What about Francis?" asked Feli.
"Uh…he sent me a picture to show me how busy he was."
"What was he doing?"
"Er…I'll tell you when you're older."
oOo
The group headed for Professor Serban's classroom in the social studies wing of the school. It was a longer walk, so Alfred kept himself busy by dragging Lovino beside him, chatting the brunette's ear off, and using his Iris to scan people for clues. Gilbert alternated between checking his phone and teasing his brother in German after Feliciano held the blonde's hand. Matthew merely watched the rainbow of color spread across the wings of his friends. He was pleased to see the cream-colored shade of reliability in everyone's wings. The wavy-haired boy was sure they'd be able to solve this mystery.
That all changed when they stood outside the Romanian professor's door.
"Vali! Stop! You can't do this!" a panicked voice shouted from inside.
The six boys barged in to find Professor Serban standing over a tied up Professor Dimitrov. A cauldron of some strangely colored liquid was bubbling over behind the Romanian. Surrounding the two were several sticks of lit incense and a flickering white candle that made several beastly-looking shadows dance across the room. The haze from all the incense made several of the boys cough. The Bulgarian's eyes looked like they would bug out of his head any second, but Valentin greeted them without a care.
"Hello, children!" he gave them a toothy grin. "What can I do for you today?"
Matthew found his voice first.
"U-Um, we were told you may have i-information about the kitchen break-ins?"
"The wind speaks!" the Romanian professor exclaimed. "Are you a boy or an apparition that followed me from Hoia Baciu?"
"E-Eh?"
"We're looking into the supply thefts that have been going on, lately," Alfred cut in. He was a little more blunt than normal, as he hated it when people made his little brother feel invisible on purpose. "We heard you got into an argument with the head chef over not ordering something for you."
"Ah, yes. I had requested the chef to order some European Scopolia not too long ago because I didn't want to wait for the Biology department's request order to be issued next month," Valentin scratched his chin. "I needed it for Bran's potion, you see…"
"Wait…Scopolia?" Lovino blinked, recalling the many botany books he'd read ever since he took up gardening as a child. "T-That's a dangerous hallucinogen, you crazy bastard!"
"Mm, but it also can be used in a truth serum! It will help Bran here face some very intimidating parents at a meeting tonight! It's about time they hear what a brat their son is! European Scopolia is wonderful~!" Vali laughed. "Of course it would be better if it was collected by old women and children to free it from worldly sin, but we'll just have to hope for the best…"
"What do you mean by that?" Branimir asked, worried.
"Well, if it wasn't then there's a teensy-tiny chance it will worsen your health considerably…"
"U-Um, why would you want to use something like that?" Feliciano asked, voice wavering. That sounded really dangerous.
"Isn't it obvious?" The Romanian hugged his Bulgarian pal, who looked like he was about to faint from fear. "We're best friends! You have to look out for your friends, don't you? I can't let those pushy parents walk over Bran!"
"Uh, how'd you manage to score some of that plant if it's so dangerous?" asked Alfred.
"Oh, well I might have adjusted the culinary department's last order without them knowing…" Valentin's amber eyes shone mischievously. "It just came in today! Such perfect timing!"
"How were you able to do that?" Gilbert was curious…from one prankster to another.
"Eheh…"
"His Iris reads how healthy a person's blood is by emitting a soft glow around them, so he uses it to tell when people are near him as well," Branimir sighed. It was the Iris that constantly put them in and took them out of danger as kids.
"I'm just glad it only measures people and not animals too…can you imagine how annoying that would be?"
"Wow! I bet you would have made a great doctor!" Feliciano exclaimed.
"Hmph, I have little use for modern medicine. Especially when herbal remedies are much more reliable!" To prove his point, he offered a spoonful of…something to his Bulgarian friend. "Now, open wide, Bran! This will make you feel like you're flying!"
oOo
Unable to do much more about their crazy professors, the investigation team left when Alfred cued them. He realized via his Iris that neither professor was qualified to help them solve their case beyond the information they had already given them. A little distraught about their only suspect being cleared on the grounds of insanity, the group decided to head off towards the cooking classrooms to see if any of their supplies had gone missing like the cafeteria's. If Professor Serban was right and today was the day their supplies came, they would be at risk. On the way, Alfred alternated his Iris to scan for someone qualified to help them and someone qualified to be the culprit. He had no luck with either.
"Lovino, I couldn't find anything!" Alfred whined, pulling his friend closer to the group. "Do you have any ideas?"
"Just make sure you're looking for the one behind it all, bastard," the brunette shoved him off when some older students passed by. "Plenty of people are qualified to potentially pull it off. We want the one who actually did."
The investigation team cut through the Inner Garden after Gilbird flew out a nearby window. It was a shortcut that led to the culinary department, but it was also a way to ensure Gilbird's owner didn't try to follow his pet through said window in worry. The albino could be indifferent towards people, but he loved that little bird to pieces.
Gilbert insisted they find Gilbird before moving on and the group reluctantly agreed. The small yellow bird wouldn't have gone far and they needed a bit of a breather from dead end after dead end on this mystery. As the self-proclaimed Prussian ran around the garden shouting his pet's name, the others relaxed on or near the benches.
"Can I help you with something?" A pleasant voice asked from behind them.
"Oh, hey, Lily," Alfred greeted her. "How's it going?"
"Fine," the pretty girl nodded politely. Perched on her shoulder was a content Gilbird. "Does this little one belong to any of you? He seems too well-trained to be a wild bird."
"You found my baby!" Gilbert rushed over to her excitedly. He would have hugged her in gratitude if his younger brother hadn't yanked him back by the collar.
"Manners, brother…" Ludwig released him. Lily looked relieved.
"Oh, right. I wouldn't want your trigger-happy brother to shoot me," Gilbert grinned sheepishly. "But thanks a ton for finding Gilbird for me!"
"…He actually found me," the freshman explained, glancing between both Beilschmidt brothers. "I was working out here for the Garden Club and he flew over."
"That's cool," Alfred smiled. "We're actually working on top-secret Student Council business right now. Have you seen any weirdos around here lately?"
Lovino caught a glimpse of the focus behind the President's eyes. His Iris must have told him Lily was important to the case somehow. Knowing Alfred, the guy who saw the good in everyone, he would have checked to see if she qualified as 'important' first. Alfred wasn't the type of guy who immediately thought to accuse a nice enough girl of being the culprit. At Alfred's relieved look, Lovino knew he had asked his Iris if she was the one behind all the break-ins and Lily was cleared of all charges.
"Um, a lot of people pass through here," She seemed to struggle at how to say that politely. "Could you be more specific?"
"We're looking for the person smuggling supplies out of the kitchens," Ludwig tried to be more direct. He also figured Alfred must have noticed something with his own Iris to ask Lily questions. "Did you see a person like that?"
"Hmm…no. A lot of people pass by, but I've never seen anyone like that," the shorter girl mulled it over. "But if I find the person responsible, I'll let you know right away."
"Ve~! Grazie, Lily!"
"You're welcome," Lily handed Gilbird back to his owner, smiling. "I'll be here for a bit longer working. Let me know if you need any further help."
The investigation team resumed their trek to the culinary classrooms. Alfred informed them that his Iris told him Lily was important to the case, but she wasn't qualified to be the culprit. Ludwig added that she had told the truth the entire time. He suggested checking on her again later. Perhaps she was important because she would see someone suspicious and report it to them as promised.
oOo
As they searched for a teacher to talk to in the spacious culinary department classrooms, they ran into Antonio, who was happily moving crates of food and flour bags for Bella. Alfred couldn't help but grin about that being more important than risking detention or some other punishment. Ludwig quickly explained the situation to them both.
"Huh, can't say I've seen anything suspicious though…" Antonio scratched his head.
Bella seconded that and was very interested in Feliciano's explanation about Professor Serban's unique order that cost about a quarter of their allotted budget. She quickly smiled and left to 'take care of some things' disappearing off in the general direction of the social studies wing.
"No wonder you didn't respond to my text to keep an eye out," Gilbert elbowed his friend. "You were busy being lovesick!"
"W-What?" Antonio looked embarrassed. "O-Of course not, amigo! It's not like that at all!"
"Ve~!" Feliciano smiled dreamily. "Professor Mertens is a very pretty teacher! And she's really nice too! Right, fratello? …Fratello?"
Lovino was busy wandering around the room looking for anything useful they might have missed. A little distance from the group made him feel better about keeping his low exposure too…or at least it did until his younger brother dragged him back over, tearfully informing him of how scared he was that he lost Lovino forever and ever. Cheh, drama queen.
"This is so unawesome," Gilbert complained. "We don't have any clues! What a waste of time!"
"Maybe if we go over all of the testimonies we'll find something?" Matthew suggested.
"But that'll take forever!" the albino whined unhappily.
"Then we'll just go over the ones Alfred qualified as being useful to the case," Lovino replied, the stupid potato's voice beginning to grate his eardrums.
"And how are we supposed to remember which ones those were?"
"Not all of us are complete morons like you."
"You're telling me you can remember the names of all the people Alfred said were most useful?"
"The head chef, Chef Paper Copy, Disgruntled Dishwasher Daniela, Professor Serban, Lily, busboy #1, busboy #4, and the haggard serving wench," Lovino rattled off effortlessly.
"I don't think those are all their names, fratello…"
"It's the information that's important, not the names," Lovino waved off his brother's claim.
The boys decided to head out to the courtyard to go over everything they knew so far. The investigation team claimed a stone picnic table to work on. Lovino distanced himself from the group by habit. Even though he had been pulled closer to the team by Feli, Alfred, or clues, he always stood back afterwards. At the time, nobody seemed to notice or comment.
"Right, so I don't see how the 'haggard serving wench' as Lovino likes to call her, has any important information at all," Gilbert grumbled, feeding a fancy multi-grain cracker he'd swiped from the kitchens to his pet bird. "All she did was babble on about somebody stealing dirty aprons and the indignity of it all."
"It registered as important to Alfred's Iris, so we have to think about why aprons – the only thing she talked about besides unlocked windows – were so important to take," Lovino rolled his eyes.
"You think you're so smart, don't you?" the albino frowned.
"Not at all, a child could have figured that one out."
"You wanna repeat that?" Gilbert half-threatened and half-meant it. The wind had picked up a little, so it was hard to hear the brunette from where he was standing by the nearby tree. He was getting annoyed by the Italian not being a team player. "Dammit, join the group over here so I don't have to shout when I'm fighting with you!"
"I'm fine where I am, bastard."
Gilbert growled in exasperation and stomped over to him. Lovino was confused, especially when the self-proclaimed Prussian suddenly wrapped his arms around him in a bear hug.
"What the fuck are you doing, albino bastard?!" the brunette yelled. "Let me go!"
"Look at ME everybody!" Gilbert shouted at the top of his lungs. Somehow, even when screaming, his sarcasm shone through. "I'm friggin' touching the IRIS ZERO! Holy fucking shit! Look at this! I haven't been struck by lightning and can still use my Iris! Imagine that!"
"I am going to kill you, damned potato!" Lovino's face flushed an angry red, becoming embarrassed and enraged at the same time.
Gilbert ignored the tsundere's protests and continued glomping the squirming boy, ranting about how disappointed he was that he didn't spontaneously combust from the way people had been talking about interacting with Lovino.
"Uh, bruder…? I think it's time you let him go…" Ludwig warned him cautiously.
"Why? So he can suck away my Iris with his nonexistent powers?"
"Because he wasn't lying about killing you."
"Oh," Gilbert quickly released Lovino, who was hastily restrained by Alfred and Feliciano.
"Let me go! I'm going to beat him to death with a fucking potato!"
"It's okay, buddy!" Alfred tried to comfort him. "He wasn't trying to piss you off! …Probably!"
"Please calm down, fratello!"
"I'd appreciate it if you didn't hurt my boyfriend, eh?" Matthew even tried his turn at calming down the tsundere.
The group fell silent. They let that little slip of the tongue to set in. Suddenly it was Alfred who needed to be restrained.
"Dammit! There's no way I'm letting you date my little brother!"
"That's right, bastard! Kick his pasty ass!"
"Not helping, Lovi!"
As Ludwig helped restrain Alfred, he questioned the Headmaster's choice in appointed mystery-solvers. This group seemed more dysfunctional than anything. Finally, everyone had settled down and began working again. Ludwig thought they should interview the head chef again. Alfred thought it made more sense to look over the crime scene again. Gilbert wisely shut his trap about thinking they should just admit defeat, since this wasn't really his problem anyway.
They eventually settled on going over the kitchen layout one more time and talking to the head chef if he was still around.
oOo
Unfortunately, luck just wasn't on their side today. The boys found the kitchens locked up by the time they returned with no staff members to help them out. The entire hallway was more deserted than the ghost towns in those spaghetti western films Alfred was so obsessed with.
"Anybody good at picking locks?" Alfred joked.
Gilbert and Lovino stepped forward. Ludwig gave them both a disapproving look.
"Guys, I was kidding!" the American laughed. "I was going to do it myself. See, I even have an Allen wrench!"
"Why would you just have that on you, bastard?" Lovino arched an eyebrow.
"I was fixing the fan in my room earlier and forgot I put it in my pocket until just now."
"Why do you need an Allen wrench?" Feliciano blinked, eyes curious.
"Lock picking is all about the tension wrench!" Alfred grinned.
"You have to constantly find and hold just the right amount of torque to let you push the pins out of the cylinder while ensuring they set and stay set," Lovino agreed.
"If you apply too much torque to the cylinder, you can damage the whole thing," Gilbert nodded, feeling gutsy. "So don't hulk smash the lock or we'll look like the thieves we're trying to catch, Alfred! Kesesese!"
"I'm not an idiot, Gilbert," Alfred rolled his eyes. Later, he and Matthew were going to have a long talk about crappy boyfriend choices, but right now he was busy feeling out how many pins the lock had (most door locks had between 5 - 8). In the process, he noticed the pins were located at the bottom of the cylinder, instead of the top. "Ugh, this one's European, so the lock is upside down!"
"Che cazzo, that's the way they're supposed to be!" scoffed Lovino. "Sure you can handle it, bastardo?"
"Yeah, I've picked harder locks than this!"
Ludwig facepalmed. Were these really the people he had to surround himself with? Criminals? Thieves-in-training? More disturbing was that two of the three were on the school's Student Council and the other was his own brother.
"You're too slow," Lovino complained after a few moments.
"If you think you can open this door any faster, you're welcome to try," Alfred responded without looking up. He had to focus to be able to visualize the inside of the lock going off the faint clicks and resistance.
Lovino scowled and walked down the hallway, near the area Feliciano was keeping a look-out for teachers or students. Alfred continued to jury-rig the lock with his Allen wrench and the hair pin Matthew had conveniently provided him with (he tried to not think about where his bro got it from). He had taken the faster route and raked his makeshift pick across the pins and almost had it. Alfred heard at least five of the six pins set into place. Now he just had to individually set the final pin.
"Almost got it…"
Alfred nearly tumbled through the door as it was opened suddenly, just before the last of the pins clicked into place.
"I told you that you were too slow," Lovino smirked at him from inside the kitchen they were entering.
"And how did you manage to get in before me, oh great King of Thieves?"
"Back door was unlocked."
"Seriously?!"
"He's lying," Ludwig sighed.
"Fine, the window was unlocked," Lovino glared at the German.
"That's still impressive," Alfred looked over the window. It would have been a tight fit for him. Lovino must be really nimble or something. He'd expect no less from his best friend and Police Commissioner.
"If you two are done discussing the finer points of breaking and entering, we should quickly look for clues and be on our way," Ludwig tried to encourage them. The German could hear Roderich's nasally voice nagging him in the back of his head. He really, really didn't want to be caught and hear it in real life.
"Stick in the mud…"
"Law-abiding bastard…"
The boys searched the entire kitchen for clues, but found very little. If the doors were locked, the only entry point would be the windows, as Lovino demonstrated, provided the kitchen menace couldn't pick locks or had access to a set of keys. They weren't able to narrow it down because the break-ins happened randomly and followed no pattern. Sometimes staff didn't even realize things were missing right away and reported them a day or two later. This frustrated the group, since it was impossible to tell if the culprit was using the window or the doors. If they at least knew that, they could narrow down the hunt to people with a smaller build (in the case of window-entry), lock-pickers, or people with keys to the kitchen.
"Damn, we didn't find anything new…" Alfred crossed his arms. "What are we supposed to do now?"
"We need to talk to Lily."
Everyone turned to look at Lovino. He winced at the sudden attention, hating to be put on the spot. It felt like his low exposure was quickly being eaten away by Alfred's stupid swarm of piranhas. He had to start talking to direct the attention elsewhere.
"Obviously, she was the only one of our 'useful' interviews that wasn't involved with the kitchen or its staff," he explained. "That means she's important somehow."
"But her answers checked out," Alfred furrowed his brows. "Do you really think she's the culprit?"
"No, I don't," the Italian ran a hand through his hair. "But she knows something."
"I don't understand, she was one of the few people we spoke to who told the truth the entire time," added Ludwig.
"Exactly," Lovino smirked. "Her answers were too perfect."
"Do you think she was expecting us?" Gilbert spoke up. "Maybe she has an Iris that tells the future like mine."
"I don't think hers tells the future…" the brunette chuckled bitterly. "If it does what I think it does, then I'm very familiar with it. It got me through four years of my life, after all."
"Huh?" Feliciano asked. He wasn't sure what his brother was trying to say.
"I think Lily Zwingli can identify a person's Iris."
oOo
On the way back to the gardens where Lily liked to spend her afternoons, Lovino explained it further to them. Alfred was scanning for people qualified to be useful or the actual culprit themselves. If Lily knew something about the missing supplies, but didn't steal them herself, she would fly by under his thief radar. Ludwig was looking for liars, so she just had to make sure she didn't lie. She could easily do that by withholding information and clearly stating (as she did) that she was not the one responsible for the theft. Finally, she only told them she would continue to be working in the gardens when she looked at Gilbert, who would be able to see any future suspicious movements with his Iris. Having an Iris that could identify other Irises would give her the advantage she needed to keep them in the dark and not look suspicious.
"And you said you weren't a detective," Matthew chuckled.
"I told you he's the best!" Alfred clapped his friend on the shoulder.
"Shut up, hamburger bastard," Lovino felt his ears burn slightly. "We're not done yet."
The six boys returned to the garden in search of the Iris-Seeing Girl. They found her working dutifully with the flowers, just as she told them. Gilbert leaned towards Matthew and whispered that's what he saw her shadow doing earlier. Lily startled when she heard them approach. She greeted them happily enough, but her smile fell when she saw their gloomy expressions. They weren't exactly thrilled to be accusing a sweet, timid girl of hiding facts about the theft.
"Lily, I'm real sorry we have to do this…" Alfred apologized. "But are you hiding something about the kitchen break-ins?"
Her voice caught in her throat and she looked directly at Ludwig. She couldn't answer.
"So, it's true then…" Lovino offered her a hand to stand up, which she accepted. "You can see a person's Iris."
"…Yes." She looked down, clenching her hands together.
"Ve~! You're not in trouble, Lily!" Feliciano assured her, bouncing over to her side. "We just want to solve the case! Can you help us, please?"
Her lower lip trembled. She looked close to tears.
"V-Ve~! Please don't cry!" Feli took both her hands, tears leaking from his own eyes. "Y-You'll make me cry too!"
"You're already crying, idiota…"
After the investigation team promised not to do anything rash, Lily agreed to show them the location of the missing supplies and the one behind it all. They were relieved and a little curious. Lily Zwingli was very by-the-books and followed the school rules without question. How did the kitchen bandit manage to convince her to keep his identity a secret? Blackmail? Threats?
"I-I'm sorry for keeping this from you…" Lily stammered guiltily. "I'll show you why I didn't speak up, but I hope you don't think any less of me…"
The investigation team followed her to a corner of the garden near the kitchen exit. Lily pulled back the shrubs and branches underneath a raised wooden gazebo to show them what she had been hiding…
It was a nest of three baby red pandas and their mother.
The investigation team stared in wonder. From the broken lattice sealing off the hollowed-out section underneath the gazebo, the mother red panda perked her head up to sniff out her visitors. Her large brown eyes remained calm, but cautious. The red panda's whiskers twitched across the red and white fur covering her small face. Deciding the students came in peace; she swished her striped tail around her sleeping babies and settled in again.
"The Garden Club isn't very popular here, so I'm usually the one who takes care of this garden. The others chose different parts of the campus…" Lily explained. "At first I thought they were pulling a joke on me, but I found that I really liked taking care of the Inner Garden. It's a lot of work, but it's worth it. Then one day about a week ago, I found their nest while pruning some nearby shrubs."
Ludwig and Matthew listened intently. The others were too busy watching the baby red pandas roll over in their sleep, making faint squeaky noises as their mother nestled them further into the pile of shredded aprons and shirts. They nearly squealed when one stirred, yawned, and reached its tiny paws heavenward, only to be swatted by its mother's tail to settle down. A muffled squeak was heard and the baby snuggled into the larger tail.
Unable to contain his own natural curiosity, Lovino leaned forward, offering a hand to the mother…cat/ferret/panda thing. He had to admit they were pretty cute…and their fur looked so soft. If he had been thinking rationally, he would never have tried to pet a wild animal. But Lovino wasn't thinking rationally. Whatever these cute little bastards were, he wanted to pet one.
Cautiously, the mother sniffed Lovino's hand. Deeming it nonthreatening, she gave it a lick with her tiny pink tongue.
Hearts exploded.
"I'd been keeping it a secret, so they didn't get taken away…" Lily admitted. "I know the mother was taking things from the school, but they don't mean any harm…"
"Well, that's up to our Student Council President to decide…" Ludwig looked at the other blonde. "Alfred? What are your thoughts on this?"
"Ohmygodit'ssocute! Lilywhatisthis?!" Alfred had to cup a hand over his mouth to control his excitement. He'd never seen an animal like this before, but he was fairly certain they were the most adorable thing on the entire planet.
"Red pandas," she answered confidently. "I looked them up after I found them. This family seems particularly docile."
"Then, I swear on my title as Student Council President to do everything in my power to keep them safe!"
"And how are you going to do that?" Ludwig rolled his eyes. "We can't exactly lie to the Headmaster."
"He's right, Al," Matthew agreed, but didn't look happy about it. "And even if we didn't, the pandas would get caught sooner or later. Especially when the babies grew up and needed more food."
The excitement that had made the investigation team's morale soar quickly came crashing to the ground. Both had a point, no matter how much the others didn't want to admit it. Wasn't there any way to save the squee-inducing red pandas?
"Wait…Lily, your brother's a Biology professor, right?" asked Lovino.
"Um, yes?"
Lovino grinned.
oOo
The six boys led Headmaster Shinawatra to the red panda nest as the sun dipped lower in the sky. Somehow the appropriately named 'haggard serving wench' also caught wind of the discovery and tagged along.
"So this is what happened to all the kitchen supplies," Kasem rubbed his chin, admiring the red panda nest.
"Mangy beasts!" the elderly woman spat. "They destroyed my favorite apron! I say we fillet them!"
It took everything in Lovino's power to resist the urge to strangle her with said apron.
"There they are!" Vash's voice echoed across the garden.
"Professor Zwingli?" Alfred tried to sound surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"Do you know something about this, Vash?" the Headmaster asked, his tone more intrigued than accusing.
"Yes, I'm terribly sorry, sir," the green-eyed man did his best to look apologetic. "This was the red panda my class was going to study for a mid-term project. Unfortunately, the company sent me a pregnant red panda. She escaped a few weeks ago to have her offspring. I was certain she was gone for good!"
"A mid-term project…?"
"You authorized it yourself, sir," Vash said convincingly. "I wouldn't be able to bring in live animals without your permission."
"He's lying!" the hate-filled apron fanatic shrieked.
"I have the documents right here," the Swiss gave her a scathing look. "If you're not directly involved in this, I suggest you leave."
"This is indeed my signature," Kasem nodded. He'd been so swamped by paperwork this year, he barely recalled what he had and hadn't approved. "I'm sorry for the confusion, Vash."
…Little did he know that in addition to his deducing talents, Lovino was also one hell of a forger. Maybe he and Feli did share a talent for art, after all?
"Now what should we do about the animals?" the Headmaster asked. "We can't just leave them out here…"
"I could take them back to my classroom, sir," replied Vash. I wasn't expecting four red pandas, but I can make accommodations for them. It will make for a better school project. Perhaps we could even study them in the gardens as long as they are supervised? It's closer to their natural habitat than my room."
"Excellent!" Kasem smiled. "Please see to it."
The students cheered. The angry lunch lady stomped off.
"And you six did a superb job solving this case for me," the Thai winked. "Perhaps you'd like to assist Professor Zwingli in bringing them to the Biology room?"
The Headmaster took off as the students helped Vash round up the four embodiments of all things cute. Lily hugged her brother gratefully, telling him that he just saved the day. He tried to brush it off, but even he felt pretty good about saving four vulnerable animals from the wrath of a vengeful kitchen demon. The others were ecstatic about the normally stingy Swiss professor being willing to write the red pandas off as a biology project. Now the adorable animals had permission to stay at World Academy…
…Where they eventually became the Student Council mascot of sorts.
oOo
A/N – Have you guys seen red pandas? If not, stop reading this and go google them. They are absolutely adorable!
A couple of you were asking about it, so I'll let you know that next chapter Antonio's Iris will be revealed.
-Rajikka
Translations
Fratello – Brother (It.)
Tsundere – A type of character seen in anime or manga known for appearing cold or hostile, but having a hidden sweet side. "Tsun Tsun" is the aloof or irritable side, while "Dere Dere" is the lovey dovey side. (Jp.)
Bastardo – Bastard (It.)
Valentin Serban – My made-up human name for Romania/excuse to call him Vali, which I find cute. Valentin is derived from the Latin "Valentinus," which is taken from "Valens" which means "strong, vigorous, or healthy." "Serban" means "Unknown" and is a common Romanian surname. Long story short, when I first saw Romania, he reminded me of a certain vampire character from the Touhou series, who had a popular boss theme UN OWEN (or 'Unknown' in the novel that term was borrowed from) Was Her?
Branimir Dimitrov – My made-up human name for Bulgaria. Branimir is derived from Slavic "bron" which means "protection" and "mer" which means "great or famous." It could also be associated with "mir" which means "peace" or "world." I'm not sure if "Bran" is used as a legit nickname for Branimir or not in Bulgaria, but oh well, author's creative license. "Dimitrov" means "son of Dimitar" because Bulgarian surnames can be a little confusing and I didn't have enough time to research something better.
European Scopolia – A species of medicinal plant from central and eastern Europe. Extracts of it could cause hallucinations – particularly the sensation of flying. In medieval Europe, it was considered magical and associated with witchcraft. It has been used as a primitive anesthesia, in 'truth serums,' and as poison. In Romania, it was believed that it should only be picked by old women and children to keep it free from worldly sin, as Vali said. Another old Romanian belief was that it could predict serious illness or death. I could go on, but this note is long enough already…
Hoia Baciu – A haunted forest in Romania. People report sightings of everything from ghosts to demons to UFO's to time travel. If SuperWhoLock were to go down, it would go down there XD
Che cazzo – the Italian equivalent of "What the fuck"