Warning: gets a little graphic later in the chapter! It is something that is hard for me at work so I wanted to put it out there. Let me know what you all think! I know it's a pretty long chapter. And again I don't own any thing that you may recognize!

"Alright ladies," Screamed the man who had brought all of them to this place that was, believe it or not, chillier than New York. "You have all spent some decent amount of time here right?" Before the men standing at attention before him could answer be started again, "Well, you are all going on a mission and you will want to bring lots of food and water. You will be doing some hiking."

There were about 12 of them line up at attention and as the man stared at them Kendall could have sworn that everyone had stopped breathing, it was so silent. Kendall had, he was holding his breath scared that he would shatter a window with the slight noise.

When the man took in a breath to talk again Kendall winced, though was surprised at what came out, "You guys will leave in two days. Eat lots and drink lots, go on a few runs and make sure that you are still in shape, though you all should have been doing that anyways!" His voice was soft and almost a hint of concern was filtered in as well.

Kendall's body loosened up a bit as he took in what he was saying, was he hinting that this was going to be a bad place, well of course it was! They wouldn't need so many corpsmen if it weren't. He resisted the urge to reach out to James who was standing at his right. He had a straight face as he stood stiffly at attention, like Kendall should have been. The blonde looked out of the corner of his eye on the other side and saw Carlos standing next to him. His eyes looked horrified but his body was just as erect as James'. Kendall couldn't see Logan around Carlos but he knew that Logan would look strong on the outside but on the inside he was having an emotional meltdown.

"Alright, men, get to work. You will all work your normal shifts tomorrow and tonight but on Monday we move out." He ended strong and waved his hand for them to relax.

For a second none of them moved. They just watched as their leader walked away from them. Kendall let his body relax into a shaking fit though his feet didn't move. He was looking at the ground in front of him not trust his voice to even speak.

'What the fuck!" He thought to himself, "I don't know if I can do this. Oh, my God! No, snap out of it! You can't be weak, you're a marine! Toughen up soldier." Even though no one else could hear his internal conversation he still felt stupid for having it, giving himself a little pep talk.

He turned to Carlos who had put a hand on his shoulder, "Hey 'Los. You ok?" Kendall asked trying to force himself to smile.

"Yeah, are you?" He asked his face was at peace but his eye's showed that he was terrified.

"Yeah," Kendall hugged him briefly before adding, "We've done this before, remember?" He forced himself to smile even though the last time they went out it wasn't all that bad. They didn't even get close to any danger really. The other group was the ones that went and got the men that were still in the heat of the battle.

All Carlos did was nod, averting his eyes to the ground. He was Kendall's best friend and it broke his heart to see the smaller male this way. "Hey, let's get inside." James said placing his hand gently on Kendall's hip.

"Come on Carlos," Logan said doing the same thing to the Latino and led him into the warm, or warmer, building.

That night after dinner the few men that were picked for this mission were packing; not that they really had much to pack. They were given more uniforms that were more suited for the cold weather that seemed to never let up. They had about a foot of snow on the ground, it wasn't anything new to Kendall, Logan on the other hand had gotten better though he still wasn't on good terms with the white substance.

The four boys were quiet, they were never quiet. Kendall figured that they were scared to say the wrong thing and upset the others, at least Kendall was. He didn't want to upset the others, he didn't want to scare them or piss them off. He grabbed his iPod and set off to the side, he would need it tonight. Music always calmed him, whether he was pissed, scared, worried, or heart broke. He packed his neatly folded clothes into the small bag that they were allowed to bring and their pre-packaged food.

Kendall looked at it and crinkled his nose not looking forward to when he would be hungry enough to actually eat it. He threw it into the bag with more force than necessary, and shoved his packed back under his bed to keep it out of the way since there already really wasn't a significant amount of room between the beds to begin with.

He grabbed his tooth brush and tooth paste that he had left out and his iPod. Turning to James who was still slowly and carefully folding his clothes said, "Hey, babe, I'm gonna get ready for bed." James nodded as Kendall gave him a small peck on the lips.

"Love you," James said in a small voice.

"Love you too," Kendall said back before walking out of the sleeping quarters to the bathroom's next door.

Yet, another day or torture at work, this time for a few completely different reasons. First, there weren't as many patients to actually take care of because most of them had healed and headed off to do their next jobs just leaving the most critical. Second, he didn't want to end up here being taken care of, it was kind of a pride thing, he was the one that was supposed to be taking care of people, not the other way around. And third, he was just plain terrified. What if one of his friends ended up here and he had to take care of them, what if one of them died on his watch.

Kendall shook his head trying to rid himself of the awful thoughts that were brewing there. "No, don't think like that. You can't think like that if you want to take care of everyone and want to protect your friends." They really weren't friends any more though, they were a family. They were so close and actually lived together.

(WARNING: This may seem a little disturbing to some.)

Kendall flipped through the folder of patients he had to take care of and skimmed the records seeing that he had to change a catheter. "Ugh, I hate doing this." He mumbled to himself. It always made him uncomfortable, not because he was invading someone's personal space; he did that a lot with bed baths but that fact that he had to put a tube in a very sensitive area, and the fact that he wasn't able to remove it immediately. He hated Foley catheters.

He gathered his Foley kit and the medications for the young man. Kendall had known him for a while, his name was John and he was 22. He had been in a car when it ran over a mine that was too deep in the ground to actually kill anyone but still strong enough to injure everyone in the vehicle critically. He was paralyzed from the waist down and that was why he needed the Foley.

Once Kendall had all his necessities he looked around him for someone to help. He saw Logan walking back to his med cart and he called out, "Hey, Logan come here and help me, please." The brunette nodded and held up one finger with the 'give me a sec' sign. James wasn't working today he was off helping cook or whatever he was told to do that day. Kendall's mind wandered to if he had to clean the bathrooms then shuddered remembering when him and Carlos got in trouble and had to do it, gross.

As Logan approached him he started to walk towards the bed, "I need to change a catheter."

"Ok, do you wanna do it or should I?" Logan asked knowing how uncomfortable it made the blonde.

"No, I need to be able to do it. What happens if I'm not ok with doing something in the field? I don't have a choice unless I wanna be the reason someone dies because I don't want to help them." Kendall said in a matter of fact tone.

Logan just nodded as they approached the bed. Kendall pulled the curtain to hide them from view. He hated that even though no one could see what was going on behind the curtain they could still hear. There were days when there wasn't a room for them to go into to give stitches or clean a wound because the few rooms they had were being used for emergency surgeries. This was one of those times when it wasn't necessary to go through the trouble of wheeling someone's bed into the back of the building, though Kendall wished he could.

Logan gently shook the sleep man's shoulder and whispered for him to wake up. "Kendall, what's his name?"

"John."

"Hey, John, wake up. We got some medication here for you to take." Logan said as he continued to shake him. John slowly started to still and looked up at Logan with dazed eyes. Logan just smiled at him.

Kendall set the kit on the bedside table and began to lay everything out being very careful to keep it sterile. If he touched any little thing without the sterile gloves on he would have to throw this kit away and get a new one. That was a pain in the ass.

Logan had finished giving him his medication and came to the blondes side, "What do you want me to do?"

"Can you just hold his hand? I have to take the old one out and put in the new, I already emptied the bag." Kendall said as he skillfully put the gloves on without contamination.

Logan moved to the other side of the bed again and took the young man's hand in his. "Hey, we need to change your catheter so you gotta be strong for us, ok?" John bit his lip but nodded locking his blue eyes on Logan's dark ones. Logan didn't break the stare but asked, "Kendall, how many times as he had this done?" He was almost scared to hear the answer knowing that these needed to be changed about every two weeks and John had been here for a while. It was a horrible procedure, and it didn't help that they were awake and not numbed for it. It hurt but was more so very uncomfortable due to the extreme amount of pressure. It became very irritating to the urethra and it would become inflamed and sore.

"This will be his fourth change. He has had it since he got here." Kendall watched as Logan winced slightly though he smiled at the man in the bed who had a death grip on Logan's smaller gloved hands. "Logan. I already have my gloves on, can you pull back the blanket and his boxers, lay the towel down over the blankets also." Logan whispered a hold on to the man and did as he was told quickly so that this would be over with as soon as possible.

Kendall prepped the tubing with the iodine and lube and he stood over the male in the bed shaking, this was only his second time doing this. "Logan, hold his hands." Logan did as he was told though the younger male was watching Kendall's every move.

Kendall saw out of the corner of his eye as Logan put his hand on the boy's cheek and turned his face to look at him. "Hey, look at me." Logan began asking him questions about home as Kendall laid the new tube down and grabbed a syringe to empty the balloon that was inflated in John's bladder before he quickly, without warning pulled it out smoothly. He looked at John who had let out a small whine and was biting his lip. Logan continued to tell him that it was going to be ok and that Kendall was good at this and knew exactly what he was doing.

'Yeah, Kendall knows exactly what he is doing but good at it, not so sure about that Logan.' He thought to himself before putting the old tubing into a bag that he had brought for disposables and grabbed the new tube and a the syringe with the new saline. He could see his own hands shaking and he was telling himself to stay calm it wasn't going to kill him.

He grabbed another iodine swab and ran it over the other males tip hoping to avoid bacteria as much as possible. He slowly brought the tubing to the slit and looked up at the John who was watching Logan and nodding as Logan told him about his dog back home. "Alright, on the count of three I'm going to put it in ok?" 'No it's not ok you idiot.' The man nodded and he tightened his grip on Logan's hand as the other gripped the sheets beneath him. "Alright, one, two…three. " Kendall pushed the plastic into the man quickly and it slid easily due to the lube and iodine. Though, it didn't seem so easy for John. He threw his head back gritting his teeth and let out a breathy groan, his back arched.

Logan leaned over him soothingly stroking his cheek. The worst was over. Kendall went in and extra inch to make sure that it reached his bladder before inflating the balloon with the saline. He looked the bag through the male's boxers before using the towel to wipe off the excess lube and iodine before returning the man to his previous position and covered. Kendall looked at him and he was now relaxed though he had a tear that had run down the right side of his cheek.

"That hurt really bad." He said to Kendall. His voice was flat but not mad.

"I know. I'm so sorry I had to do that to you." Kendall said as he ripped his gloves off and threw everything into the bag. He opened the curtain and Logan stayed behind to talk with him for a few more moments. Kendall felt so guilty, not that he had a choice and John knew that.

Once again let me know what you all think.