AN: I own nothing.

"So apparently Salem wants you to join me on my little night raid because..." Roman looked at the teen that Salem had just recruited.

"She says you might need back up." Onyx replied.

Roman turned to Neo who just nodded. "Well then let's go get some dust."

Roman, Onyx, Neo, and some of Junior's guys all walked towards the nearest dust shop that was still open. As they walked in they saw the old man cleaning the top of the glass pane. They all aimed their weapons at him. "Clear, uncut, refined into the briefcase now." Said one of the henchmen.

"Oh yeah and I'll have a candy bar do you want something Neo?" Onyx asked as they started grabbing some of the dust crystals into the briefcase.

Neo pulled out a sign. "Ice cream."

"Uhh... We don't have ice cream." Said the old man nervously.

"Fine I'll take some damned cookies then." Neo took some of the packets and opened one up, and began eating one.

Onyx walked around the store until he came up to the magazine section. He noticed a girl with a red hood and some headphones reading a weapon magazine. He drew his pistol and neared the girl then he saw that she had a weapon of some sort a very large weapon. "Better not take any chances."

Onyx pulled the trigger and sure enough the girl's brains splattered all over the walls. Roman and Neo came to check the sound.

"Onyx what the hell was... Oh no." Roman said as he saw what Onyx just did.

"She was a huntress apparently who knows what would have happened had I not... What's with the look in your faces?" Onyx asked seeing how their faces were filled with shock and terror.

"Onyx you just killed Ruby one of the main characters." Roman explained.

Onyx just looked at the body. "Oops my bad."

"OOPS!? You kill the main character and all you can say is OOPS!?" Roman started shouting at Onyx.

"I did say my bad didn't I? Well here help me all we need is to put everything back into place Neo get some duct tape, Roman help me find the rest of her brains scattered all over the place." Onyx then crouched down and began picking up pieces of Ruby's brain and skull here and there.

"Onyx you can't just Weekend at Bernie's your way out of this one people here aren't stupid you know." Roman explained as he looked at Onyx placing pieces of Ruby's brain into a piece of skull.

"Well what do you want me to do Roman it's not like we can find some other person who is adorable, strong, and likes to eat junk food where are we gonna find someone like that?" Onyx asked nonchalantly.

Then Neo walked over and took put a strip of duct tape with her hand while she was still eating a cookie in her mouth. Then she noticed that both Roman and Onyx looked at her. She immediately pulled out a sign. "FUCK YOU THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'M TAKING HER SPOT!"

"Now Neo I know you have your reservations on this but... It would be... Progressive... Yeah that's it progressive." Onyx then put his arm around her and helped Neo visualize it. "Imagine it finally people with disabilities can finally have someone to relate to."

Neo then pulled out a sign. "What about Yang?"

"Fuck Yang besides you kicked her ass anyways. So what do you say are you in?" Onyx held her a bit closer this time hoping she'd bought his steaming pile of shit.

"Fine." Neo then finished her cookie.

"So what about the body?" Roman asked as he gathered the last pieces of her brain.

"Well we should probably finish up here. Neo pass me the duct tape Roman hold her... Head together while I patch her up." Roman then held Ruby's head as Onyx began to wrap the tape all around her head making sure that it would all stay together. "Okay now we steal her clothes, and dump her body in front of a hospital to make it look like mob hit or something."

So they all grabbed a car, well stole it actually, thankfully for them it had suicide doors so it would be easier to dump Ruby's body. Roman was driving the car, Neo rode shotgun, and Onyx was busy injecting Ruby's body with drugs and making tattoos on her body to make it look more believable.

Roman looked at Onyx through the rearview mirror. "What are you doing?"

"Bitches get stitches." Onyx said as he was carefully writing things on Ruby's body such as 'Live Fast Die Young,' 'No Regrets,' 'Only God Can Judge Me,' a few black tears and a tramp stamp.

Roman then looked at Neo who had a sign. "He's right Roman. Bitches get stitches."

"Well fine whatever let's go dump her body we're here already." Roman pulled over in front of the hospital, and urged Onyx to dump her body. Onyx opened the door and dumped her in front of the hospital as fast as he could. Then Roman drove as fast as he could from the scene.

Onyx then felt his scroll vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out and answered. "Hey yeah it's me what's up?... WHAT!?... Okay uh I'll be there. Guys I need to go to the hospital they need me."

"Why what happened?" Roman asked as he kept driving away.

"Apparently some mobsters killed a girl and dumped her body in front of the hospital they need me to prep her for surgery." Onyx explained.

Roman then immediately stopped the car forcing everyone to suddenly jump forward. "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?"

"Well yeah dude so... Can I get a lift?" Onyx asked.

"Onyx that's Ruby they are talking about we are the mobsters." Roman explained.

"Roman we can't be sure of that besides what if it is other people. And we are not mobsters we are an organization hell bent on... Achieving... Something by a scorned woman... So can I get a lift?"

"Ugh fine I know I'm going to regret this." Roman then began driving back towards the hospital. Roman parked the car, and all three of them entered the hospital. Roman was on edge there was a good chance he would be recognized. He then noticed Onyx along with several other doctors in scrubs heading over to the surgery room.

"So what do we have?" Asked Dr. Alstair... Also known as Onyx.

"Another classic bitches get stitches case." Said one of the other doctors.

"Okay let's do this."

"Uhh... She's dead."

"What?" Asked Onyx.

"Well her brains were put back together using duct tape... Not to mention that she's lost most if not all of her blood. At this point she's a corpse."

"Not if I can help it prep her for surgery. I'll save her if it's the last thing I do. Besides I've lost too many patients at the table I won't lose another one."

"That's because you only treat corpses." Said one of the doctors as Onyx head into the room.

He grabbed the defibrillators and began charging them up. As he did he noticed Roman and Neo walk inside. "The hell are you guy's doing here?"

"Cops outside, couldn't chance it." Said Roman catching his breath.

"Well whatever... Clear." Then Ruby's body jolted up.

Onyx let out another sigh. "Clear." Ruby's body jolted up.

"Damnit c'mon... Roman set the voltage to the max just turn the knob."

"Onyx she's dead!"

"Just do it damnit."

Roman turned the knob to the highest possible settings. Then Onyx let out a few small breaths in quick succession. He placed the defibrillators on Ruby's body. "Clear."

Ruby's body jolted up... And finally a beep could be heard from the heart monitor. "She's alive!"

"Well yeah Roman all we did was just blow her brains out of course she was gonna survive. What you've never heard of plot armor before?" Said Onyx as he set down the defibrillators. "Well then looks like Neo won't have to take her place. Aren't you glad Neo?"

As soon as he said that the tape had clearly become useless due to all the blood that had been pouring out of Ruby's head, and it all just fell to the floor. The hear monitor flatlined again. Onyx looked to see if he could still bring her back, but... Well you can only do so much with duct tape.

"So I guess plan B it is. Well let's go back to Salem." Onyx removed his scrubs and changed back into his normal clothes.

They stole a different car this time, and drove back to their hideout. Roman watched as Onyx just remained silent the rest of the way. "You uhh... You doing okay back there buddy?"

"I just lost another patient at the table. This already makes it 3,476 patients. Well at least I still get paid so whatever."

"Didn't you kill this patient first?" Roman reminded Onyx.

"Oh yeah... I forgot."

They finally reached the hideout. Salem along with Cinder, Emerald, Mercury, and Adam were waiting by the entrance. Salem was the first to speak as she noticed Neo holding Ruby's things.

"So... What happened?" Salem asked.

"Bitches get stitches plain and simple." Said Onyx as he sat down and turned on the TV.

"In recent news a couple of mobsters dumped the body of a fifteen year old girl in front of the hospital this afternoon. The girl, who may or may not, have been a prostitute or a killer was treated at this hospital by Dr. Alstair who now has hit 3,477 dead patients in his entire career. More after this..." Onyx then turned off the TV.

"Oh that's right I forgot about the siamese twins... Well here's the plan we are going to make Neo look like Ruby that's why she has all her stuff so..."

"I got it." Said Salem in a monotone voice as she went up to her office.

Cinder was currently pinching the bridge of her nose. "You had one fucking job Onyx! One fucking job!"

Onyx let out a tired sigh. "Yeah yeah... Well look on the bright side... Of life."

"And what might that be?" Asked Cinder waiting to hear Onyx's response.

"At least now we have someone on the inside who can give us intel on the enemy... Also you won't have to wear your catsuit or whatever the fuck it's called anymore." Answered Onyx.

"That's it?"

"Well yeah that's basically..."

"I'm back." Said Salem as she came back with a small box.

"What's that?" Asked Onyx.

Salem began taking things out of the box and began to work on Neo. "Have you ever had aspirations Onyx? I did... A long time ago. I wanted to be a tax attorney, but no... My parents weren't having any of it. So I went to beauty school where I earned my PhD as a make up artist and did the make up of many celebrities, but again my parents were't having any of it. Then I became a huntress, and when that wasn't enough I became a maiden... Then I killed them... And now ha ha ha now I have to spend many sleepless nights studying for my exams, and reading 600 page cases and putting up with loud and horny teenagers so please by all means follow your aspirations. And by all means make sure you don't end up with some jackass who won't even give you the time of day or even look at you while the two of you have sex. Oh no I gave birth to those three bastard children of his, and what do I get a goddamn divorce after putting up with his and their shit for the majority of their lives I get shit. That's my prize. Well that should do it. What do you guy's think?"

Everyone stood there terrified, shocked, confused, and questioning their life decisions. Then they looked at Neo. The resemblance was striking you could not tell her apart from Ruby. "Well my plan worked... Aside form the horrible life story... But hey at least we still get a show... So yeah let's do this." Onyx said.

They all set themselves up as usual. Onyx and Cinder would be on board the VTOL to wait for Roman. "What if they hit the thrusters, wings, or the stabilizers and ignore you?" Asked Onyx as they waited patiently.

Cinder went wide eyed. "Fuck I did not think of that!" Cinder paused for a moment then took out her script. She began reading it to herself. "Yeah no they won't it says here that they both keep shooting at me, I win, and we fly away."

"Hmm you'd think with two on one they would divert your attention. One of them aims for the windows to incapacitate the pilot or something, maybe hit the thrust engines on the side to force us into a crash landing, maybe also hit the stabilizers on the tail to take away our maneuverability." Said Onyx thinking of the various ways they could die... Maybe.

They then got a message from Roman. "That's our cue."

Everything went down the same way... Sort of... Salem had to take Glynda's place... Yeah she basically caught Glynda in a dark alleyway and snapped her neck. She had managed to do some of the make up work before hand, but... Well those black markings weren't going anywhere.

"Glynda you uh... Look different." Ozpin said carefully looking for the words to describe his colleague.

"What you don't like it?" Replied Sa... Glynda Goodwitch... Yep that's it.

"No no no that I... Uh... It's... Well it's different that's all." Ozpin was careful not to piss off another woman. The last time he did it didn't pan out so well.

So everything stayed the same Ozpin couldn't see past Ne... Ruby's... Well Neo's silver contact lenses. Ozpin seemed rather surprised that Ruby couldn't speak. "Uh... Can you..."

Ne... Ruby pulled out a sign. "No I can't speak."

"Hmm... Progressive I like that... Well you are clearly overqualified... So welcome to Beacon Ms. Rose."

Meanwhile in Atlas

"So Winter I thought dad got full custody?" Asked Weiss concerned.

"He did... But you know dad... And she did put up with us so... Let's just get this over with." Said Winter as she grabbed her bags.

Salem stood at the front gate of the manor waiting for her three bastard children to come out. She hated those damn kids. One of them joined the military without her permission. The other one had so many daddy issues she could make strippers look sane, and the last one was just a sad sack of shit. Then there was the fact that none of them sent her anything for mother's day or her birthday... Now that's evil.

Weiss looked at her mother. "So... Mom..." She struggled to get those words out.

"Yeah sure whatever look your dad is clearly sending you three to me so that he can bang his faunus secretary for the weekend so here's how it's gonna work out. You kids do whatever the fuck it is that you do. Either go and do some black ops or in this case white ops shit. Go apply to the nearest strip joint. Or just be there for the fuck of it I don't care now get in the damn car. I have two mid terms tomorrow and I need to study for that shit." Said Salem as she looked down on them.

They all got on the car with Onyx driving, and Salem riding shotgun. "You see these black markings kids... That's what happens to you when you marry a sack of shit called Jacques Schnee have three kids with him, and he doesn't even let you dismount properly despite the fact that you let him cum inside of you. It's called growing old... Step on it Onyx."

Onyx just did a mock salute and stepped on the pedal.