AN/ Hey huys, my break from writing is over and i'm back in action! I'll now be updating at least once a week, as usual.
I've changed the original layout for this chapter. The party at Rachel's was initially going to happen, but I've decided to save that convoluted mess for the next chapter. I held off on the light Rachel/Harry bonding for now, since some people seemed hesitant, but it is going to happen lol.
One thing I want to mention is the presence of Teddy in this chapter. Sorry for people who don't like it, but for reasons I won't mention, it was very important to give Andromeda a reason to visit Lima before heading to New York. This story is now moving into the plot, now that Harry is all settled in at McKinley.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, if I did Puck, Blaine and Brody would be acting out my sinister fangirl fantasies. I also don't own Harry Potter quite yet, but the plan is in place.
WARNING: There's SMUT in this chapter. It is clearly indicated where and when it begins and ends, so it's easy to avoid, so I don't want to hear any bitching. I have mentioned that I really suck at writing porn, hopefully this will convince everyone that asked for some that I shouldn't be doing it lol.
''I hate you.'' Harry grumbled bitterly.
''No you don't, you love me.'' Luna countered, with complete self assurance.
''Fine, i'm very annoyed with you then.'' Harry corrected himself. ''But I do hate you!'' He added, turning to the other woman in the room.
''We're Blacks darling. Hatred comes as second nature to us.'' Andromeda informed him archly, completely dismissing his ire.
''Since I ended up with granddad's surname, i'm not technically a Black at all.'' Harry stubbornly retorted.
''Your grandmother would beg to differ, rest her soul.'' The older woman sighed, reminiscing her deceased great aunt. Dorea Potter nee Black had been a formidable woman, much like most of the females in her family, even the crazy ones.
''Really?'' Harry wondered sceptically. ''I didn't think anyone on that side of my family tree had a soul to rest.'' He snidely commented.
''There are exceptions to every rule dear.'' Andromeda reminded him pointedly, whilst indicating herself with a impeccably manicured hand.
''By which you mean Tonks ofcourse.'' The boy agreed, ignoring her not so subtle hint in regards to her ensouled state.
Good old Nymphadora Tonks. Harry missed that woman keenly, as much as Sirius and Remus even. But her legacy would forever live on with her son, and her reputation at Hogwarts that earned her the famed title of 'Dora the crotch explorer'. Remus really had been a lucky bastard to score a piece that hot.
''I'm not so sure that this thing has a soul though.'' Harry noted, holding up the squirming lump in his lap and carefully examining it.
''Be careful with the baby.'' Andromeda snapped.
''I am!'' Harry protested, even as he tilted his infant godson upside-down, much to the child's delight. ''It still doesn't do very much though, does it?'' He observed, poking the giggling baby experimentally.
''Stop that!'' Andromeda chided, reaching out and clipping the teenager around the ear.
''I'm being careful.'' Harry whined, settling the babe into the crook of his arm. ''Teddy likes being manhandled. Don't you Teddy bear? Yes you do.'' He cooed, rubbing their noses together.
It had at first been an unwelcome surprise, to awaken that morning to his doorbell insistently ringing. He'd staggered to the front door, fully prepared to rip the spine out of whoever had disturbed his slumber, but had been brought up short upon finding the regal form of Andromeda Tonks nee Black standing upon his doorstep.
The woman had imperiously barged her way into his home, and immediately begun criticising his décor, without so much as a by your leave. She was greeted by a cheerful Luna, who had emerged from the guest room after hearing all of the noise. The fact that the blonde girl didn't seem surprised, by the unexpected presence of the imposing woman and her infant grandson, had sent alarm bells ringing in Harry's mind. Apparently Andromeda had been invited by her younger sister, to spend a few weeks with her in New York, and she had decided to take a respite from baby care at the same time.
It had been agreed upon after the deaths of Remus and Dora, that Harry would take up the roll of father figure in Teddy's life, and that he and Andromeda would share custody when Harry reached twenty-one. Until then, he only had Teddy for two weeks in the summer, with periodic visits throughout the year and the occasional night of baby sitting. But Narcissa, the meddling bitch, had convinced her older sister to take a much needed break and give Harry the chance to practice his child rearing skills. Sometimes he really hated that woman, if she wasn't such a milf he'd of disliked her simply for squeezing out Draco.
Now Harry was stuck with the baby for who knew how long, and Luna had been aware of the arrangement the whole time. Andromeda had expressed concern that Harry would be at school for several hours a day, even though he didn't have to attend, but Luna had volunteered to come and stay with her friend and watch over Teddy whilst Harry was at McKinley.
The three women had conspired against him, and left him in a position where he was unable to refuse them. Part of him could appreciate the scheming involved, but evil plans were decidedly less fun when he was the victim of them.
''You realise that i'm going to transform your grandson into the source of all evil?'' Harry asked, spearing Andromeda with a death glare.
''Knock yourself out.'' The older woman permitted. ''Teddy is starting to enunciate vowel sounds though, so he should start talking properly any time now, which means that you need to watch your language.'' The woman warned him sternly.
''Sure sure.'' Harry absently agreed, whilst in reality paying no attention, as he was trying to extract his ear from Teddy's rather impressive grip.
''You've got the list I gave you, and you have my number if anything crops up that you can't handle.'' Andromeda reminded him, as she rose gracefully from her seat and snatched her grandson from Harry's grasp in order to say her goodbye's.
''Be a good boy for your godfather and Luna, okay sweetheart?'' She murmured softly, receiving a stream of baby babble in response. ''And do try not to pick up any of Harry's unsavoury habits.''
''Oi! I resent that.'' Harry protested, as he reached out and snagged the baby back from her, with a triumphant grin. ''Yoink, mine now.'' He teased.
The Black matriarch shot him a spine chilling look for his rough handling of her grandson, but ultimately decided not to comment on it. If Harry didn't want to pay attention, then it would be about as futile as addressing a brick wall.
''Have fun boys.'' Andromeda told them, giving both Teddy and Harry a kiss on the cheek. ''It was lovely to see you too Luna dear, thanks so much for your help.'' She informed the girl, as she swept her into a brief hug. And with that, she gave them all one last wave as she sauntered majestically from the room, with her usual smooth glide and impeccable posture.
''I'll see you all in a few weeks.'' She promised as she departed, before slamming the door closed behind her.
Silence reigned in the apartment for a few moments, before the owner of the property elected to break it.
''This is totally your fault.'' Harry groused, fixing Luna with an accusing stare and gesturing at the baby in his arms meaningfully.
''I'm sorry Harry. But don't worry, I'll be here to help the whole time.'' The girl solemnly vowed, bringing a begrudging smile to the boy's face. ''Well, I'd better get going.'' She chirped, as she grabbed her purse and headed for the front door.
''Wait, what? You just said that you'd be here the whole time!'' Harry indignantly reminded her.
''I lied!'' She called back at him cheerily, before slamming the door behind her. He really needed to consider associating with people that knew how to open and close things without all the drama. His repair bills for doorways were disturbingly numerous.
The boy stood thinking, staring balefully at the spot where Luna had vanished. Glancing down at Teddy, who was happily slobbering on Harry's shoulder, he posed the babe a question.
''So...who wants to turn Luna's favourite sweater into a diaper?'' Harry queried.
The baby garbled in response, and continued num-numming on his godfather's T-shirt with great enthusiasm.
''I choose to interpret that as agreement.''
''So have you even seen your aunt, since she literally went up in smoke and the Cheerios lost Nationals?'' Tina asked, as she walked alongside Harry and Mercedes through the Westerville mall.
The fact that Coach Sylvester hadn't resurfaced to reap bloody revenge upon them all, made them highly uneasy.
''Nope, which probably means she's plotting unholy vengeance or something equally banal. But enough about her, you guys promised to entertain me!'' Harry reminded them, carelessly dismissing the thought of his possible demise, as he reached into the pram he was pushing and popped Teddy's pacifier back into the baby's mouth.
''We never promised anything. You whined like a child that Santana and Luna were out on a date and that you were bored, then you just invited yourself along on our shopping trip.'' Mercedes pointed out, with exasperated amusement.
''I agreed to carry your bags didn't I?'' Harry countered.
''Yes, and yet somehow both of us are still laden down with purchases, while you're not carrying a single thing.'' Tina observed, scowling in displeasure. ''I thought the British were supposed to be gentlemanly?'' She questioned.
''That's a common misconception. It's the accent that causes it. Even when we're complete bastards it still lends us a certain suave aura. I mean just look at Hugh Grant, what the hell is actually likeable about that man? And James Bond would just be a sleazy womaniser without his smooth British ramblings.'' Harry animatedly explained. ''And besides, I need my hands free for the baby, so I can't carry anything.'' He added belatedly.
''I'll push him!'' Mercedes eagerly volunteered.
''No! You held him like five minutes ago, I wanna push him.'' Tina whined.
''How about Mercedes pushes him now, and you can do it after lunch?'' Harry interjected reasonably.
Both girls shared a brief glance, before silently deciding to just smile and nod in agreement. Teddy had been an instant hit with the ladies of New Directions, and he'd spent most of the morning being passed around like a peace pipe. Though the little bugger did seem to enjoy it. Blacks were attention whores by nature after all, even if Teddy carried a different surname he couldn't fight his genes. None of the girls could believe that Harry was basically a father, for all intents and purposes, and were even more stumped by the fact that he was actually good at it.
''I need to get Sam something for his birthday.'' The boy in their trio declared, abruptly changing the topic of conversation.
''You know when Sam's birthday is?'' Tina questioned curiously. ''Do you know mine?''
''June fourteenth.'' Harry immediately answered without hesitation, much to the Asian girls surprise.
''What's mine?'' Mercedes demanded.
''March tenth.'' Harry answered, again correctly. The two girls were both suitably impressed by his knowledge, and graced him with approving nods.
''So you know everyone's birthdays already? That's surprisingly sweet Harry.'' Tina commented, subtly praising him for his consideration.
''You better get me something good for mine rich boy.'' Mercedes warned him jokingly.
''As you command my lady.'' Harry acquiesced, sketching her a formal bow and attracting the bemused stares of passersby. The dark skinned girl reached out and smacked him around the head.
''Behave yourself.'' She chided, before rudely shoving her shopping into his chest. ''And carry my damn bags.'' She insisted, before suddenly seizing control of Teddy's pram from him.
''Ditto.'' Tina added, looping the handles of her own bags over the boy's arms.
''Yes mistress, ofcourse mistress.'' Harry dutifully intoned. ''Should you feel the need to punish me, might I suggest a vigorous spanking? I hate those.''
''Keep up your cheek and i'll bust out the riding crop.'' Tina cautioned teasingly.
''By all means, feel free to whip me raw.'' Harry permitted.
''You're terrible.'' Both girls told him in perfect synchronicity. ''And you shouldn't be such a perv in front of a baby.'' Mercedes added.
''Please, you totally love it. Plus i'm too adorable for you to get mad at me.'' The green eyed boy told them with complete self assurance. ''And Teddy is genetically destined to be bat shit insane, so it doesn't matter what I say, because he'll be saying far worse in a few years. Or a few weeks if I have my way.''
Tina grinned exasperatedly. With Kurt gone, Harry was definitely her favourite boy to hang out with, other than Mike ofcourse. Around most boys, even those that she considered her friends, she sometimes found conversations to be stilted due to a lack of mutual interests. That was one of the reasons that she broke up with Artie. But Harry's natural charisma just seemed to put people at ease, making conversation with him effortless. Even if their talks often centred around strange and inappropriate topics.
''Oh my gosh, I found the most beautiful leopard print scarf over there! You guys have to come see!'' The loud voice of Rachel Berry exclaimed as she came running back over to them, leading a weary Brittany by the arm. They'd been wondering where the two girls had gotten to.
''Who invited her again?'' Harry demanded, eyeing the brunette in displeasure.
''Be nice!'' Tina chided. ''She's really upset about her breakup with Finn.''
''I don't see why. Believe it or not, I actually think that she could do better.'' Harry replied, much to their surprise. ''Not that it's hard to do better than rock bottom.'' He added, wiping any trace of surprise from their faces.
''You're just pissy that she kissed Puckerman.'' Mercedes claimed.
''Am not!'' Harry refuted.
''Are too. Harry loves Puck, Harry loves Puck.'' Brittany singsonged as the two girls joined them.
''No, Harry wanted Puck to bang him long and hard on the choir room piano.'' Harry bluntly corrected her, as he pictured doing exactly that. ''Emphasis on the wanted. Now I've grown bored of him though.'' He asserted snootily.
Brittany eyed her Harry sadly. She was sure he was feeling upset because Puck had been a big stupid jerk. She was a little annoyed with Santana for causing all these problems between everybody, by telling Rachel that she'd done stuff with Finn last year.
''Is that why you kissed Finn then? Because you were jealous of my liaisons with Noah?'' Rachel challenged him angrily.
''Nope. I did it because that idiot opened a kissing booth and I really wanted to fuck with his mind.'' Harry honestly answered. ''He surprisingly wasn't that bad with his tongue though, and he definitely knows what to do with his hands.'' He added tauntingly, causing Rachel to bristle with indignation.
''I still need to pick out something for Sam's birthday too.'' Mercedes suddenly interrupted, expertly trying to derail yet another round of Rachel whining and Harry verbally flaying her into emotional shreds.
The whole breakup of Finchel had been an epic cluster fuck. Rachel had been informed that Santana had slept with Finn last year, and decided that even though they hadn't been dating at the time, that Finn had somehow betrayed her. Puck had stupidly allowed Rachel to kiss him in revenge, and in the process ruined whatever friendship he'd managed to salvage with Finn after the legendary baby-gate scandal. Harry was grossly offended, and probably a little hurt, that Puck kissed Rachel at the drop of a hat, even though he'd been mutually flirting with the other boy for the passed few days. Apparently Puck would rather kiss someone he barely liked, and piss off a friend, than give Harry the time of day. When Finn had started up a kissing booth to raise money for the academic decathlon team, Harry had decided that it was a great idea to give Finn a one hundred dollar bill and make out with him in the hallway. To everyone's horror, the taller boy had actually reciprocated, mostly because he knew that Rachel hated Harry and that Puck seemed to like him a lot more than he would admit to.
So now Finn was angry at Puck, who was jealous of Finn, who was also mad at Rachel, who was furious with Harry, who was ignoring Puck, who helped cause the whole mess by kissing Rachel in the first place, and had now decided that he was allowed to like Harry 'coz he was a badass'. Everyone was a little pissed off at Santana for triggering the convoluted shenanigans, which had made the girl decidedly smug about the entire affair. On top of that, Quinn had cheated on Sam with Finn, and she was pissed off at Harry and Finn for the newly titled kissing booth fiasco. Meanwhile Sam was blaming Finn for stealing his girlfriend and Harry wanted to disembowel Quinn for hurting Sam's feelings. Finn and Quinn both had mono, due to Santana's machinations, yet somehow neither she nor Harry had caught it, despite having kissed people that were infected. Cluster fuck.
Even by New Directions standards things were getting dramatic. Everyone else was desperately trying not to get sucked into the situation, but it was surprisingly hard, what with how difficult it was to keep track of who was mad at who. More than half the club was at each others throats over it all. It was amazing that Harry and Rachel were willingly in the same place together.
''He likes all that science fiction stuff right?'' Mercedes questioned, hoping that talking about Sam's birthday would prove an adequate distraction.
''That's correct. Which is probably how he can stand being around Berry, what with her uncanny resemblance to Chewbacca.'' Harry commented.
''Callous, unfeeling, man whore.'' Rachel sniped cuttingly.
''Jewish Wookie.'' Harry shot back.
''Both of you, put your bitching on the back burner and save it for later, so that those of us who don't give a flying fuck don't have to listen to it.'' Tina snarled.
''Meow, kitty has her claws out today.'' Harry observed, though his tone was laced with approval at her aggressiveness.
''You must be rubbing off on me.'' Tina suggested snidely.
''Oh Tina.'' Harry murmured huskily, stepping smoothly into her personal space and gently cupping her jaw. ''I don't think Mike would appreciate It If I rubbed off on you.'' He purred, turning the words absolutely filthy with his tone, whilst his eyes glinted with mischief.
''We really need to get you a shock collar or something, to tame your libido.'' Tina pondered, eyeing him consideringly.
By this point most of New Directions had become resistant to Harry's flirtations. Unless he really turned on the charm, in which case he became almost hypnotic. Every word, every gesture, every sinuous glide of muscle, was used perfectly to draw people in and put them under his evil spell. She couldn't even exaggerate how seductive he was when he wanted to be. She'd seen him lure in a man that Tina had been certain was completely straight, but with a casual touch of his elbow and a flash of emerald eyes, Harry had the waiter placing an order for Brittany that wasn't even on the damn menu. It was equal parts impressive and disturbing that he could be so casual about manipulating people. Sometimes it seemed that he was doing it subconsciously. He'd even been getting through to Puckerman's gay side, before he'd kissed Rachel and pissed Harry off.
''Tina? Why are you looking at me like something to dissect?'' Harry asked her, sounding more curious than wary.
''Probably because your a cold blooded amphibian.'' Rachel muttered, earning her a nasty glare from the boy.
''No reason, i'm just wondering what size collar to get you.'' Tina smoothly lied, dragging Harry's attention off of murdering Rachel.
''Does it come with a leash?'' Harry queried almost hopefully.
''Ofcourse, and with your choice of colour.'' Tina appeased him.
''Marvellous! Oh and next time you decide to psychoanalyse my manipulative tendencies, feel free to tell me your thoughts. It's always interesting to hear what people think is going on inside my head.'' Harry told her, as he resumed their walk, humming softly to himself and leaving the girl flabbergasted in his wake.
''I'm confused, is Harry going to turn himself into a puppy?'' Brittany questioned, wondering at his need for a leash. Harry would probably be a Rottweiler if he did.
''Chop chop ladies, those presents won't buy themselves.'' He called over his shoulder, jolting them from their reverie.
''Slow down, you damn pack mule!'' Mercedes commanded, stomping off after him with the pram in front of her.
Tina made a mental note that Harry may or may not be able to read minds...and that he really did have a spectacular ass. Maybe she could somehow coerce him and Mike into getting it on, for her amusement? Wow, that was a plan that had serious potential for abdominal related awesomeness. She was a sucker for a six pack after all. And Mike and Harry both had abs like Greek gods.
''Why are we here again?'' Jeff whined miserably.
''For shopping obviously. Honestly Jeff, are you always this slow on the uptake?'' Kurt asked the other Warbler.
''I meant, what are we shopping for?'' The blonde amended grouchily, whilst plodding along in the wake of his friends. Blaine, Kurt and Nick seemed perfectly happy to just flutter aimlessly from store to store, but Jeff really didn't understand the appeal of doing so.
''For?'' Blaine repeated, as though sampling a complex foreign word.
''When you go shopping, isn't it because you have something specific in mind that you'd like to buy?'' Jeff asked them all, trying to clarify his point. Kurt paused in his stride and eyed the other boy distastefully.
''Don't be such a boy Jeff.'' The fashionista scolded him.
''Yeah Jeff, shopping can be fun. You just have to browse until something catches your eye.'' Nick explained patiently.
''Whatever you say.'' Jeff mumbled morosely. What he wouldn't give for something interesting to happen.
''Hey, let's go to the GAP so we can ogle that guy that Blaine's got a crush on!'' Nick suggested.
''What guy?'' Kurt demanded suspiciously. He'd been trying not so subtly to get Blaine to realise that they were soul mates in time for Valentines day, but his coy and artfully subtle advances seemed to be completely lost of the other Warbler.
''That blonde dude with the crazy hair.'' Jeff explained for Kurt's benefit. ''Blaine thinks he's totally dreamy.''
''I only said that he was kinda cute.'' Blaine protested lamely. Although not as cute as certain other boys he'd met recently, he mentally added.
''Lets go!'' Kurt surprisingly agreed. He really wanted to get a look at the competition and if possible sabotage him.
''Go where?'' David asked curiously, as he Wes, Thad and Flint walked up behind their team mates. They had briefly broken off from the others to escape the increasingly girly atmosphere and had only just now returned, though it seemed they may have come back too soon.
''To the GAP to embarrass Blaine.'' Jeff informed them.
''With that boy he likes?'' Flint questioned, wrinkling his nose. ''I really don't see the attraction there.'' He admitted.
''Me neither.'' Jeff concurred.
''That's because you're straight...mostly.'' Blaine pointed out.
''It's hard to be completely straight when surrounded by you guys.'' Jeff defended, indicating Blaine, Kurt, Nick and Flint with his hand.
''Whatever.'' Nick dismissed. ''Lets go already. I need to get some new sweat pants while we're there, for when I'm having a fat day.'' He declared, hurrying the others along.
They headed up the nearest escalator, following the route to their intended destination. Kurt forced them to make several detours along the way, but they made it eventually. As they entered the store, they looked around for Blaine's person of interest but couldn't spot him anywhere.
''Maybe he's not at work today.'' Wes pointed out logically.
''Aww that's no fun.'' Nick whined.
Blaine and Kurt were privately relieved by this, though for admittedly different reasons. They were about to leave or the food court when their attention was caught by a girlish squeal of delight. Looking across the store to the baby section, they noticed a small group of girls picking up the tiny shoes on offer and cooing over them in amusement.
''Pfft women.'' David mocked, rolling his eyes at the display.
''Don't we know them from somewhere?'' Wesley pondered, only to yelp in surprise as Kurt abruptly shoved him aside.
''Oh my god! Mercedes, Tina, Brittany, Rachel!'' He shrieked, joyously waving his arms to attract their attention.
The four girls looked up at the sound of their names, and beamed at the unexpected sight of their number one gay.
''Kurt!'' They squealed in unison, as they charged forward to exchange hugs, uncaring that they stomped on Wes who was now lying in a heap on the floor.
''What are you guys doing here?'' Kurt probed, after hugs and enthusiastic greetings had been exchanged. ''And why do you have a baby?'' He demanded, eyeing the pram that Mercedes was pushing.
''We're shopping obviously.'' Tina sarcastically responded. ''And the baby isn't ours it's...'' She trailed off and glanced around in confusion. ''Uh oh...guys, where's our resident man candy?'' She asked the other girls warily.
Mercedes eyes widened and darted about furiously. ''I thought you were watching him!'' She gasped.
''No! I was too busy paying attention to the baby, to keep an eye on an adult sized toddler.'' Tina pointed out.
''What do we do?'' Rachel panicked. ''It's loose in a mall! There are innocent people here!''
''Calm down!'' Mercedes snapped. ''We'll wait for the inevitable explosions and screams of terror, then we can just follow the sounds.''
''Good idea.'' Tina agreed. ''It's just like finding Godzilla, they both cause an excessive amount of property damage and have the tendency to eat men alive...albeit in different ways.''
''Why don't you just call him?'' Brittany asked them.
The other three girls paused, eyeing the blonde in surprise. Why the hell didn't they think of that?
''Excellent idea Brittany.'' Rachel praised. ''Why don't you go ahead and dial his number?''
''Number?'' The former cheerleader repeated cluelessly. ''I was gonna say his name in a mirror three times and summon him.''
By this point the Warblers were staring at their female competitors in confusion, and a small amount of concern. They hoped that they were joking about whatever they were referring to. New Directions did tend to seem fairly out there, as far as show choirs went.
''Don't be so naïve Brit.'' Tina scolded the other girl, much to the relief of the boys present. ''That only works on a full moon.'' She continued.
''What only works on a full moon?'' Harry queried, suddenly appearing amongst the staring Warblers.
The boys screamed with shock and leapt away from him as fast as they could, stunned by his sudden materialisation.
''Don't do that!'' David gasped, clutching at his frantically beating heart.
''Warblers!'' Harry chirped happily. He eyed the male group for a moment, before nodding in satisfaction. ''You guys look pretty hot without the uniform.'' He observed.
''You should see me without anything at all.'' Flint spoke up, leering suggestively.
''Hmm, you're a tall, broad shouldered drink of water aren't you?'' Harry noted, giving the boy a very slow once over.
''I certainly am. Speaking of which, you look a little dehydrated, maybe you should chug me down?'' Flint suggested lasciviously.
''Flint!'' Wesley protested, aghast at his forwardness and lack of decorum.
''Wanky.'' Harry purred, prowling forward.
''Shock collar.'' Tina sing songed threateningly, stepping in his way and halting his progression.
''Quit sabotaging my perversions woman.'' Harry groused at her.
Blaine blinked, finally managing to process the sudden emergence of the object of his depraved teenage lust. He scowled however, when he realised that Flint was flirting with his future beloved.
''Hi Harry.'' Blaine greeted, whilst shooting his team mate a dirty look. Flint flipped him off.
''Blainey bear!'' Harry yelled in excitement.
He darted towards the other boy, and looped his arms around his neck in a tight hug. Ofcourse this wasn't quite inappropriate enough for him, so he quickly wrapped his legs around the other boy's waist as well. Blaine's hands came up instinctively to support Harry's weight, but he blushed when he realised he had grabbed Harry's ass in order to do so.
''Just cop a feel why don't you.'' Harry teased.
''Thank you, I believe I shall.'' Blaine agreed, deciding to throw caution to the wind, and give the other boy's deliciously firm rump a squeeze.
Harry wiggled slightly, attempting to get comfortable in his new position, sloth hugging the Warbler's lead singer. He studiously ignored the casual groping, with the resolve of someone used to being regularly manhandled by others.
''So can anyone do that? Or does Blaine get special consideration?'' Nick queried, whilst giving the British boy's backside a significant look.
''Whatever, have a grab if you want.'' Harry absently allowed, whilst nuzzling Blaine's throat.
''I would, but Blaine looks like he'll cut my hands off if I try.'' The Warbler declined, whilst backing away from their scowling lead singer.
''You look crazy hot when your thinking about maiming someone.'' Harry noted eyeing Blaine in a predatory manner, and tightening his legs around the other boy's hips.
Blaine fought the urge to preen smugly at Harry's declaration, and instead fixed his fellow Warblers with a triumphant look. Victory was his.
''White boy, get your bony ass down from there.'' Mercedes snapped, tugging sharply on the back of Harry's shirt and sending him crashing to the ground with an indignant squawk.
''Why Mercy? I thought you loved me?'' He whimpered, rubbing his abused bottom to soothe it's harsh contact with the floor.
''Shush yourself.'' The girl sharply dismissed his pain. ''We wanna borrow your baby.'' She informed him.
Harry paused, eyeing the assembled females suspiciously. ''What do you want with Teddy?'' He demanded.
''We wanna play dress up with all the cute baby clothes.'' Brittany answered honestly.
Harry's eyes widened, and he leapt to his feet with almost supernatural speed, to snatch his godson from the pram. He held the infant protectively to his chest and scowled at the girls, who at the sight of the baby quickly swarmed forward to coo over him.
''Back vile wenches!'' Harry snapped, whilst warding them off with his free hand. Like hell he was going to let those shrieking harridans get their mitts on his godbaby.
''He has a baby?'' Kurt whispered in Rachel's ear, sounding mildly scandalised.
''It's his Godson.'' She confirmed. ''Harry's one of his guardians for some reason.''
Kurt wanted to get the full story, knowing that it was probably teeming with juicy gossip, but he decided to hold off and find out from Mercedes later. Blaine overheard the whispered comment as well, and mentally reassessed his opinion of Harry. He'd never considered that someone like him would be responsible for a baby of all things. Watching the green eyed boy shielding the child from the relentless affections of teenage girls, was strangely adorable.
''Can I see?'' Blaine pleaded, inching forward to peek at the infant.
Harry quickly switched from scowling and defensive, to warm and accepting in the blink of an eye. He held Teddy out and showed Blaine how to hold him, making sure that he supported his head properly.
''He's sooo cute.'' Blaine observed, beaming down at the curious blue eyes staring innocently up at him.
''Yeah, that'll come in handy when he's old enough to bend people to his will.'' Harry proudly agreed. ''We should go and compare him to other people's babies, and then point out how ugly they are in comparison.'' He suggested.
''That's kind of mean.'' Blaine pointed out.
''Well duh, It wouldn't be funny otherwise.'' Harry retorted.
''Has anyone ever told you that you're kinda evil?'' David asked him. Now that he'd brought it up, the Warbler realised that anyone who did happen to mention his vindictive nature, probably mysteriously disappeared sometime after.
''Hey don't judge me, there's tons of people more evil than I am.'' Harry defended himself.
''Name one person.'' Rachel challenged.
Before he could answer her, Brittany's phone began ringing with the cheerful music of Taylor Swift. The blonde girl quickly extracted the device from her jacket and tapped the screen, before bringing it up to her ear.
''Hi Sanny!'' Brittany chirped. ''It's Santana.'' She courteously informed the others with her.
''Well that was eerie timing.'' Rachel muttered.
Harry snorted in disdain. ''Bitch please, Satan wishes she was as bad ass as me.''
''I heard that Pothead.'' Santana snarled, as Brittany obligingly put the other girl on loudspeaker.
''I'd tell you to bite me, but I'd rather not give you the incentive to use those fangs on your vagina.'' Harry sneered mockingly at the phone.
''Don't bring the Blessed Devourer into this!'' Santana warned him.
''The Blessed Devourer?'' Wesley repeated, sounding bewildered.
''That's what she calls her cu...''
''Harry!'' Tina scolded, cutting him off mid-word. ''You can't say that in front of Teddy!''
''Why the hell not? He came out of one.'' Harry stubbornly argued.
''You're disgustingly crude.'' Kurt sniped, crinkling his nose in distaste.
''Thanks, but you're really not my type.'' Harry shot back, ignoring the boy's spluttering denials. ''You on the other hand, make my naughty places tingle.'' He added, to an amused looking Blaine.
''I'm glad I could tingle you.'' Blaine modestly accepted.
''Awesomeness. Wanna come play with me and Teddy at my house tonight?'' Harry offered coaxingly. ''I guarantee fun, and minimal molestation.'' He vowed.
''Minimal?'' Blaine parroted. ''I dunno...that doesn't sound very fun.''
''I can eat an entire popsicle in one mouthful without biting down.'' Harry tacked on, as extra enticement.
''I'll come!'' Blaine swiftly agreed, with wide eyes.
Harry grinned victoriously. Now he just had to decide on what to do for the evenings entertainment. Perhaps something involving a rousing game of strip Twister? Or maybe a movie? He wasn't really sure what Americans did for dates, so he'd let Blaine decide.
''Hey! Did you limp wristed fairies forget I'm still here?'' Santana's voice barked, from within the confines of Brittany's phone.
''Nope, we were just hoping you'd been cut off.'' Harry muttered.
''Are you still mad at me? Coz I already said that I was sorry, that you ended up making out with Hudson due to my admittedly brilliant scheme.'' Santana reminded him.
''What?'' Kurt shrieked, his eyes bugging out with shock. He looked to Mercedes and Tina, hoping that one of them would deny the fact that his former crush and current stepbrother had made out with a guy.
''Calm down Kurt. They only made out for purely vengeful reasons.'' Tina attempted to soothe him, with little effect.
''You made out with Kurt's stepbrother ?'' Blaine questioned, looking at Harry with thinly veiled amusement and just a hint of jealousy.
''Only in the literal sense.'' Harry defended adamantly.
''What happened to you and Finn?'' Kurt demanded of Rachel.
''He had relations with Santana last year and lied about it.'' She sniffed haughtily. ''Not that I care.''
''You didn't know about that?'' Kurt asked her, slightly incredulously. Even he'd heard about that one. ''And now Finn is fooling around with boys?'' He double checked, seeking confirmation.
''No, he's dating Quinn.'' Mercedes revealed.
''I thought she was with Sam?'' Kurt gasped in surprise.
''She was, but she cheated on him with Finn.'' Tina explained.
''But that was after Finn slept with Santana and made out with Harry. He also got mono from kissing Santana at the kissing booth, and gave it to Quinn, so now they're both sick.'' Rachel chipped in.
''So you broke up with him for all of that?'' Kurt asked, nodding approvingly with her decision.
''No, he broke up with her for kissing Puckerman behind his back.'' Santana revealed cheerfully.
''What the hell goes on at your school?'' Jeff butted in, ending the conversation.
The assembled Warblers stared at their New Directions competitors in bewilderment. They were each fairly certain that real life didn't actually get that dramatic, outside of a high school themed T.V show.
''Well If you believe the rumours, then our glee club is just a front for the kinky sex parties that we have.'' Tina deadpanned.
''I never would've told people that If I thought they'd actually believe it.'' Harry mumbled.
''What?'' Mercedes barked. ''That was you? My parents and the people at my church heard that crap!'' She growled.
''It was Santana's idea.'' Harry told her, deflecting the girl's ire.
''I was just trying to make you losers seem cool. Excuse me for caring.'' Santana admitted defensively.
''Is there a reason you even called?'' Harry inquired, narrowing his eyes at the phone.
''Yep. I wanted to let you know that Luna won't be coming back to your place tonight.'' The Latina informed him.
The straight men present all perked up at the innuendo dripping from that particular statement, and eagerly paid attention to the conversation.
''Isn't Luna a chick's name?'' David asked the others in a hushed, awe filled whisper.
''Uh huh.'' Jeff confirmed.
''And Santana is that hot cheerleader with malevolent powers, that sang Valerie at Sectionals?'' He added hopefully.
''That's the one.'' Jeff agreed.
''Awesome.'' David breathed, sighing dreamily. That image would provide an adequate distraction next time his anal retentive girlfriend started ranting at him.
''That's cool, I have company tonight anyway.'' Harry told Santana, whilst waggling his eyebrows in Blaine's direction. ''Plus I'm mad at Luna, for getting me stuck with a baby.''
''Cry me a river twinkle toes.'' Santana sniped sarcastically, before realising exactly what she'd been told. ''Wait, what do you mean by that company comment?'' She demanded, with a note of jealousy in her voice.
In lieu of answering her, Harry instead reached over and tapped the end call button, ending the call and leaving them all staring blankly at Brittany, who continued to hold the phone out obediently.
''You can put it away now Angelcake.'' Harry finally prompted.
''Okey dokey.'' The blonde obliged, slipping the device back into her pocket.
After randomly meeting up with the Warblers, the group decided to stick together and go watch a movie. Harry however declined, stating that he didn't want to risk Teddy making a fuss during the film. Somehow though they managed to convince him that it would be okay to leave his godson with Mercedes and Kurt, who were quite happy to continue shopping. After some lengthy and extremely creative threats, about what would happen to them if the baby had so much as a hair out of place when he returned, the remainder of the group headed to the showing.
Blaine and Harry were walking together at the back of the group, following the others down the aisle towards the seats in the middle of the screen, when Harry grabbed the other boy by the hand and dragged him towards the empty rows at the back of the theatre.
''Um, why are we sitting back here away from the others?'' Blaine whispered.
(WARNING! Badly written smut ahead!)
Harry smirked, his emerald eyes flashing in the dark, with only the flickering glow from the screen to light his face. He always looked gorgeous in Blaine's opinion, but the half light added a certain ambience that made everything seem more intimate, and Harry even more handsome. He was acutely aware of the fact that they'd never been this close to being alone together since they'd met, and he felt a slight bubbling of nerves in the pit of his stomach.
''So...are you looking forward to the show?'' Blaine murmured, his eyes darting between the screen and the boy seated next to him.
''Not really.'' Harry admitted, as he slowly leant towards him, his breath tickling against the shell of Blaine's ear. ''After all, you're the one who'll be looking at the screen.'' He purred.
Blaine almost yelped, as sharp teeth suddenly began nipping their way along his jawline, gently teasing at the soft skin. Harry's tongue slowly flicked out, lapping soothingly against the abused flesh in apology. Blaine gasped at the sensation, automatically tilting his head back and exposing his neck to the other boy's attentions. He didn't even realise his physical reaction to the contact, until Harry's hand slid into his lap and cupped him firmly through his jeans. The green eyed boy gave a pleased growl, at finding his new toy already thick and throbbing in his grasp. The heel of his hand pressed down harder, in a long, slow grind against the underside of the head of Blaine's cock.
Blaine shuddered, and arched under his touch, his head tipping back on a strangled moan. Harry had just enough time to feel smug about that, before a hand snaked up to his hair and fisted itself harshly into the silky locks. He whined happily as Blaine dragged him forwards into a rough kiss. The intensity and sheer harshness of it surprised him briefly, as teeth clashed and their tongues writhed slickly together. If he had ever considered how Blaine would kiss, then he'd have expected something slow and tender, but as the Warbler determinedly shoved his tongue down his throat Harry had to admit that he much preferred this alternative.
It took Blaine a moment to remember how to breathe, he was so focussed on the sensual feel of soft lips and the even softer hair in his grasp. He was completely lost to the world around him, and quite happily seized Harry's waist with his free hand, to guide him forcefully across the seats and into his lap. Harry chuckled at the rough treatment, and eagerly straddled the other boy's hips. They kissed languidly, breathing heavily from the stimulation and grinding their groins lightly against each other, before Harry finally pulled away with one last tender press his of lips.
''Enjoy the movie.'' Harry chuckled.
Blaine wondered briefly what he meant by that, until he started sliding down his body with a naughty little grin. He froze momentarily at the first touch of nimble fingertips, deftly unfastening his belt and fly, and his gaze darted nervously around the darkened movie theatre. The nearest person was three rows in front of them, and no one was looking back. Still, he was Blaine Anderson, he was dapper and wholesome. He most certainly did not let insanely hot guys go down on him in a cinema. Sure he'd done plenty of stuff before, he was handsome and popular in an all boys boarding school after all, but he'd never done any of it in public.
A high pitched whine slipped from between his suddenly slack lips, as the tepid air in the room hit his suddenly bared arousal for just a moment before it was abruptly engulfed in wet, searing heat. His hazel eyes rolled up into his skull as the boy between his legs began to suck, sliding his hot mouth up and down the entirety of Blaine's length, expertly taking it into his throat. And that right there was pretty much the best thing ever, until Harry started to hum.
"Fuck." He ground out between clenched teeth, as the vibrations pulsed along his cock and shot up his spine.
His hands flew to the back of Harry's head, weaving themselves into his hair and gripping it harshly. He pushed down and thrust his hips simultaneously, blissfully burying himself into Harry's willing mouth, making the other boy gag at the forceful intrusion. Blaine yelped as Harry clawed warningly along his denim clad thighs, but he didn't halt his thrusting into the welcoming warmth.
''Shit, you've got a hot fucking mouth.'' Blaine growled quietly, in a rare show of vulgarity. Harry chuckled at the praise and increased the suction, working his talented tongue along the underside of Blaine's head with each slick slide between his lips.
''Oh my god, you like that don't ya?'' Blaine hissed, his tone somewhere between demanding and awe filled. ''You like being talked too like a slut!'' He accused delightedly, increasing his pace as he pumped into Harry's eager throat.
''Holy fuck.'' He snarled, a little louder than he'd intended to. Fortunately something was happening on screen, so no one looked around, except for Flint who glanced over his shoulder curiously.
In any other situation Blaine would have been mortified. He'd have stopped his frantic motions, and hoped that his fellow Warbler thought that Harry had disappeared from his seat to go to the bathroom. But Harry had the uncanny ability, to make being bad entirely too much fun. Blaine smirked at the taller Warbler, and glanced down significantly at the boy pleasuring him. As he leaned his head back against his seat and continued pounding away, he kept his eyes on Flint. He saw the exact moment that he figured out what was happening. The boy's eyes bugged out in shock, as he glanced between Harry's empty chair and the unusually rumpled Blaine in disbelief. He didn't turn back to the screen though, and Blaine felt a strange thrill at having an audience.
He could feel the familiar sensation building up in his abdomen, sending tingles through every inch of his body.
''I'm gonna cum.'' Blaine warned, though he made no move to pull the willing boy away from him, or extract his aching cock from his mouth. Harry groaned around his meat, sucking if possible even harder, in his attempt to get his hard earned reward. Blaine threw his head back, bouncing it off of the back of the seat as he approached his completion, until with one final thrust he slammed home into Harry's pulsating throat.
''Holy fucking shit.'' Blaine gritted out, biting his lip to silence himself, as his climax exploded out of him. He continued thrusting leisurely, shooting his hot load into Harry's waiting mouth, before finally slumping back in a panting, sweaty heap.
Harry continued to move between his legs for a few moments, drawing out the other boy's orgasm and milking his cock for every last drop. Finally with one last suck Harry backed off, releasing Blaine's softening member with a wet pop. Blaine almost got hard again staring down at the other boy. Sat there, perched on his knees, with swollen lips and pupils blown wide with lust. His hair was even more of a mess than usual, due to Blaine running his hands through it. He looked like a wet dream.
''Wow.'' Was the most that the Warbler could manage to mumble, as the blissful fatigue swept over him.
Harry chuckled huskily at his utterance, before sliding smoothly back up his body and kissing him softly on the lips.
''Nothing like a hummer, to enhance your cinematic experience huh?'' Harry teased, his voice slightly gravelly from his throat's recent exertions.
Blaine snorted in amusement, and dragged the other boy into a deep kiss, tasting himself slightly on Harry's tongue. After a moment or two he pulled away with an out of character leer on his face.
''At least I won't be blushing around you anymore, not after that.'' He noted, sounding a little bit smug.
''We'll see about that.'' Harry retorted. ''Maybe when you come over later?'' He added teasingly.
Blaine's eyes darkened slightly at the reminder of the plans they'd made earlier, prompting Harry to poke him in the side to regain his attention.
''Why is your friend staring at us like that?'' Harry suddenly wondered, looking curiously at the backs of their friends a few rows ahead of them.
Blaine followed his gaze and groaned in mortification as he met the eyes of Flint, who was still staring at them with a gobsmacked expression on his face, tainted with a strong hint of arousal.
''Oh crap.'' Blaine whimpered, burying his face in his hands.
''What's wrong?'' Harry demanded.
''He saw what we were doing...and I kind of carried on going anyway.'' Blaine tentatively explained, waiting for Harry to freak out.
The green eyed boy's eyebrow rose, a curious expression on his face. He didn't say anything for a long moment, causing nerves to build up in Blaine's stomach as he waited for a reaction.
''That's really fucking hot.'' He finally answered.
''Seriously?'' Blaine questioned hesitantly.
''Hells yeah!'' Harry affirmed enthusiastically. ''We should probably shag in front of him or something, just for shits and giggles.'' He continued with a choked off laugh.
''That's perverted.'' Blaine chastised, smacking the other boy on the thigh.
''Screw you man whore, you just defiled a movie theatre.'' Harry reminded him. ''Children will probably end up sat where you're sitting right now.'' He added cheekily.
''Oh god, I sooo didn't need to know that.'' Blaine whined piteously, feeling the guilt pooling in his chest. ''Let's just sit and watch Taylor Lautner and Kellan Lutz in all their muscular glory, and not mention it anymore.'' He pleaded.
''Taylor Lautner and Kellan Lutz? They're smoking hot.'' Harry opined with approval. ''Aren't they in the Twilight films together as well?'' He queried.
''This is one of the Twilight films.'' Blaine pointed out.
''What the fuck?'' Harry shouted, leaping to his feet and attracting the stares of everybody in the theatre. ''Screw this sparkling shit, I'm going home.'' He loudly declared.
The room was completely silent as the boy stormed towards the doors and shoved them open, muttering curses and insults under his breath the entire way. As soon as he was out of sight, Blaine threw his head back and howled with laughter.
(End of the crappy forbidden smut!)
Tina snickered.
''Shut up.'' Harry groused.
''Seriously, how did you fail to notice what you were watching, until half way through the film?'' Mercedes demanded.
''I was distracted.'' He defended. ''How was I supposed to know it was the latest instalment of the Twilight crapfest?''
''What were you distracted by?'' Tina inquired, blinking innocently.
After the movie, the two groups had gone their separate ways and decided to head home. Harry and Blaine had solidified their plans for later that evening, and he was very much looking forward to it. The only ones that seemed to know what had happened in the movie theatre were Blaine's really tall friend and Tina, who seemed to find the whole thing hilarious and had taken up the passenger seat whilst Harry drove. Mercedes was in the back with Teddy and Kurt. Brittany had given Rachel a ride home as they both lived on the far side of town. Kurt had elected to get a ride back with them, as he didn't live on campus with the other Warblers, and Blaine had picked him up that morning.
''Yes, what could possibly be so diverting?'' Kurt sneered scathingly. It was clear though that he really didn't have any idea what had happened.
The effeminate boy's one sided crush on Blaine was cute at first, but now that he knew that Harry and Blaine had date plans, he was starting to get annoying. It was lucky that Blaine was oblivious to his best friends infatuation, or shit would've been awkward.
''I was just focussed on other things.'' Harry asserted, refusing to say more.
''Like Blaine?'' Tina suggested mockingly.
''Aww, did you guys make out?'' Mercedes cooed delightedly, though she shot Kurt a sympathetic look.
Part of the reason Harry was keeping quiet was so he didn't hurt the boy's feelings. Not that they knew each other or anything, but he was friends with the rest of New Directions and he was kind of a bitch, which was something Harry liked.
''Don't deny it, I saw you guys smooch just before you stormed out!'' Tina crowed. ''I even got a picture!'' She proclaimed, waving her phone about tauntingly.
''Hah! Omg, you gotta send it to me!'' Mercedes cackled.
''No!'' Harry protested pitifully, reaching for the phone in Tina's hands, whilst keeping his eyes on the road.
Tina easily held the device out of his reach and pressed the send button triumphantly. As soon as she sent it she paused, reading her screen in confusion, before her eyes widened in horror.
''Oh shit.'' She cursed.
''What?'' Harry demanded, eyeing her nervously.
''Did it not send? I haven't got it yet.'' Mercedes pointed out from the back seat.
''Crap crap crap. This is so not good.'' Tina wailed, as she proceeded to bump her head punishingly against the dashboard.
''What did you do?'' Harry asked her warily.
The Asian girl hesitated for a moment, debating on whether or not to answer the question. She wasn't sure how they'd react, if they found out that she may have just made things worse for glee club.
''I tried to send it to Mercy, but then you tried to grab it and I accidentally sent it to the next contact in my list.'' She finally answered, her voice laden with apology.
They all fell silent, wondering what was so bad about that, until Harry suddenly realised something.
''Wait...Mercedes is under M, so unless you have any other M's in your phone book it would go straight to the first name under N right?'' He questioned, praying that he was wrong.
''Yes.'' Tina squeaked meekly. ''I'm sooo sorry Harry.''
''Why? Who did she send it to?'' Kurt spoke up, sounding very interested in whatever had unsettled them.
''Wait a second.'' Mercedes began haltingly. ''Oh no, please tell me you didn't send it to...''
''What the fuck is this?'' Puck growled, staring at his phone in disbelief.
Mike set down his X-box controller and leaned across the couch, to peer curiously over Puck's shoulder.
''Huh...I should probably talk to Tina about taking pictures of guys getting busy.'' He observed. His girlfriends sudden fondness for guy on guy action was bound to lead to awkwardness for him in the near future.
''Isn't that Harry?'' Sam pointed out, craning his head over from Puck's right, to peer at the picture message displayed on the phone. ''Wow, that guy really doesn't waste any time does he?''
''I can't believe this!'' Puck angrily protested, staring at the image and nearly crushing the device in his grip.
''Dude calm down, I get texts from Tina all the time.'' Artie soothed him.
''It's not that. I'm talking about Harry swapping spit with some douche bag!'' The jock grumbled. And he was pretty sure he'd seen the douche bag in question somewhere before.
''So? What's wrong with that? Are you not cool with the man on man crowd?'' Sam asked, eyeing him accusingly.
''That's totally uncool dude.'' Mike agreed, with a recriminating glare.
''That's not what sucks!'' Puck snapped, waving off their displeasure.
''Then what's the problem?'' Artie wondered.
Puck shuffled his feet, with an awkward expression on his face. The other three boys eyed him searchingly, momentarily distracted from video game related violence, by the self proclaimed badass and his apparent discomfiture.
''I was gonna hit that.'' Puck finally admitted with great reluctance.
''You were going to hit Harry?'' Sam questioned incredulously. ''Dude, do you have a death wish? Did you see what he did to 'Rick the Stick' last week? The guy looked like a freaking pretzel when he was done.'' The blonde reminded him.
''I meant I was gonna tap his ass like a type writer.'' Puck explained exasperatedly. Sometimes Sammy boy really was too blonde for words to adequately describe. Maybe it wasn't dyed after all?
''I really didn't need to know that.'' Mike muttered.
''Neither did I, now I owe Santana ten bucks.'' Artie scowled. He really should know better than to bet against that hell spawned mega-bitch. If she claimed that two people were gonna hook up, then that's what was going to happen, regardless of whether the people in question were willing or not.
''I can't believe that little bastard spent all that time trying to get on my Puck stick, only to go jump the first guy he sees.'' Puck complained bitterly.
''Since when would something like that stop you?'' Sam wondered. ''Usually you don't even care if someone's married.''
That brought Puck up short. Fish lips was right. He was a badass, if he wanted something he damn well took it. After weeks of deliberation, he'd decided that he was awesome enough that he could bang other dudes if he wanted. And if he was gonna nail a guy, then only the hottest, most badass guy would do. He was going to hunt Potter down and make him his bitch.
''You're right Sammy boy. Puckzilla ain't gonna take that shit lying down. I'm gonna find Harry and tell him how I feel.'' Puck declared, getting to his feet with determination. ''And how I feel is horny, really really horny.''
''Over sharing dude.'' Artie deadpanned, wrinkling his nose in displeasure.
''Whatever. Shut up and help me think of a plan to nail that.'' Puck commanded.
''You could always point out, that making out with our competition's lead singer is a conflict of interest.'' Mike helpfully suggested.
The others stared at him for a moment, their eyebrows scrunched in confusion. Mike sighed.
''The other guy in the picture is the Warbler's lead singer, Blaine Anderson.'' The Asian boy explained for his friends, with deliberate slowness. He'd at least expected Artie to be faster on the uptake.
''What!?'' Puck blurted, double checking the picture and glaring at the boy who had seemed so familiar. ''That sneaky little fucker! He's obviously manipulating him, so he can win Regionals!'' He deduced.
It was so obvious. That stupid gel headed, prep school bitch. He probably thought he was being sneaky, trying to get into Harry's pants to learn their club secrets, but Puck was onto him. He'd just have to convince Harry that the guy was a sleaze ball, then the dark haired boy would come running into Puck's pants. All he needed was a plan, and soon enough he'd be having awesome gay sex.
''Ya think so?'' Sam pondered doubtfully. ''I'm not sure Harry would do that just to win us Regionals.''
''Yeah, It's not really his style.'' Artie agreed. ''There's not enough explosions involved in something like that to hold his interest.''
''I meant that this Bland dude is manipulating Harry!'' Puck clarified, rolling his eyes in aggravation.
The other three boys processed that for a moment, before glancing at each other and simultaneously bursting into laughter.
''Hehe that's pretty funny man.'' Mike enthused, slapping his friend on the back.
''I'm serious!'' Puck protested. ''He's probably some kind of evil seductive genius!''
''That's Harry alright.'' Sam concurred.
''I meant the Warbler!'' Puck ground out, through gritted teeth.
''Really? Kurt says he's a nice guy.'' Artie pointed out.
''That's probably coz he got his hooks into Hummel too.'' Puck explained triumphantly ''That's probably why he left McKinley.''
''You're crazy.'' Mike asserted.
''I'll give you guys ten bucks each if you help me.'' Puck coaxed.
Three reluctant agreements later, and they started working on a plan. It just goes to show that whether they be Jewish, blonde, Asian or crippled, everyone speaks the language of capitalism. Except for communists and Eskimos.
Meanwhile, in a undisclosed location.
Nothing said shifty, like meeting in a dark room deep beneath the earth. Except perhaps for a middle aged man wearing a trench coat and fedora, standing outside a playground with a bag of lollipops and a bottle of chloroform.
Everything was falling perfectly into place. Her subtle manipulation of the Hobbit Bride, had worked out perfectly. By nudging that beak nosed banshee into unwittingly annoying her fellow glee club members, she had set in motion exactly what she'd hoped. In a fit of rage, Slutana Lopez and her jiggling sweater meat, had revealed the details of her vomit inducing clandestine affair with Frankenteen. The resulting explosion of emotional turmoil had been equal parts satisfying and gag worthy.
Initially Sue had banked on the ensuing drama to act as a smoke screen, whilst she prepared the next brilliant phase of her master plan. She hadn't expected Harry to be diverted by it all for very long, but to her delight the situation had spiralled out of control, and he was distracted by his new found distaste for Mohawk Jew. With most of those New Directions rodents at each others throats, even her nephew wouldn't see what was coming until it was too late.
''So? Do you have an answer for me?'' Sue cajoled, her eyes piercing through her quarry, looking for any sign of weakness. To her surprise, her target bore her gaze without flinching, and even managed to fix the cheerleading coach with an icy glare.
''I'll do it. But let's be clear Ms Sylvester. I want to crush Potter, I could care less for the plebeians that he's surrounded himself with. Make sure that he performs a solo for the regionals competition, and you'll have my support.''
Sue eyed her newest acquisition speculatively. Looking for the motive in their words. She had to admit that she was somewhat impressed with the figure across from her, they clearly wouldn't be controlled as easily as her usual pawns.
''You realise ofcourse, that it will be that much harder to beat them if Harry is featured prominently in their performance?'' Sue queried sceptically.
''I'm well aware. But I want to beat him, fair and square on the open stage. Give me that opportunity and I'll guarantee a victory for Oral Intensity.'' The figure vowed solemnly, whilst wrinkling their nose at that particularly unfortunate club name.
General Zodd paused, letting the silence reign over the meeting room as she considered the proposal given her. In situations such as this, it was best to let the tension build and give her victims a chance to void their bowels in terror. Unfortunately her conversation partner, and their undies, remained both urine and faeces free. How disappointing.
''Very well then. I'll see to it that green eyes sings his half gay heart out at regionals. But you had better not disappoint me.'' Sue hissed menacingly.
''Don't worry Coach Sylvester. I assure you, Gryffindor's Golden Boy will be going down in flames. Perhaps in the literal sense, if I can procure a sufficient amount of kerosene.''
''Outstanding. A toast to victory then! Now where did I leave that bottle of Yak's blood?''
AN/ Love it? Hate it? The first major plot point is in motion! Next chapter it's party time, featuring Jealous Puck, Territorial Santana, and Kurt's infatuation being missinterpreted.
VOTE: What kind of drunk is Harry? Tell me your thoughts and vote on my profile.