AN/ AHHH! I'm back from Namibia! I'm alive and tanned as a mother fucker, but the experience was amazing, best six weeks ever!
You'll be glad to know that I have a shit ton of drafts and stuff written out, which when added to the fact that I've been desperate for a creative outlet, means I'm going to be spamming out a crap load of fanfiction. I'm practically dripping with inspiration, or possibly Hyena drool.(Hyena cubs are sooo cute! Now to find a way to put them in my dissertation.)
I did this in like an hour and a half, so it may well be riddled with errors. Like in the first line, is it actually "Waver" or is it "Waiver"? One is a written statement of relinquishment, but I can't remember which and I wrote this too fast to bother checking lol.
Disclaimer: Not mine , but they will be once I find and cut a few bitches.
There were few things that could make Rachel Berry waver from her chosen path, once she'd actually resolved to do something. However sitting in the dimly lit choir room, with a dangerously insane human being, seemed to be one of those things.
''So, you come before me asking for a favour?'' Harry drawled, reclining lazily in his seat.
The green eyed boy made an interesting sight, perched upon an enormous wing backed leather chair. His hands busied themselves with idly petting the owl on his lap, giving him the appearance of a plotting bond villain. For some unfathomable reason, both Mike and Sam were present, standing a step behind Harry's makeshift throne. Why the two boys were wearing togas and feeding the British teen grapes though was anyone's guess.
''Demetrius, fetch Hedwig some bacon.'' Harry commanded, gesturing imperiously in Mike's general direction.
''Do you have to keep calling me that stupid name?'' Mike whined piteously, tugging at his toga with a frown.
''If you don't want the name, then you shouldn't have dressed like that.'' Harry reminded him.
''We didn't dress like this, we woke up in these things with our ankles chained to your chair.'' Sam protested, rattling the iron shackles around his legs indignantly.
''Well maybe you shouldn't of fallen asleep last night.'' Harry retorted.
Rachel was silently relieved as the boys began to bicker amongst themselves, momentarily forgetting her presence. For some reason, she was extremely nervous. Though now that she thought about it, her discomfort probably stemmed from Harry's instability. Sadly he was the best person that she could think of who could help her with her current problem, and Rachel Berry was nothing if not persistent.
It had recently been brought to her attention, that she was considered somewhat dull by her peers. Naturally she sought to change this opinion by doing something fun, something wild. In other words she wanted to have a party, and Santana and Brittany had been effusive in their praise of Harry's social extravaganzas. And as team captain of the New Directions, she felt that it was her duty to help her team bond in preparation for Regionals. So now here she was, planning to make a deal with the devil, in the metaphorical sense.
''Get the damn bacon, or so help me I'll coat a whip with lemon juice and strike you into oblivion!'' The green eyed boy snarled, as Sam and Mike cowered at his feet.
Okay, make that a deal in the literal sense. But still, he was the best person to assist her. So after taking a moment to straighten her shoulders and hold her head high, she prepared to sell her immortal soul.
''Harry?'' She addressed him, calling for his attention.
The boy in question snapped around to face her, jostling the owl on his knee with a flap of wings and shriek of annoyance.
''Oh right, I forgot about you. What were you saying again? Something about selling cookies?'' Harry queried.
Rachel blinked in bewilderment. ''Um...no. I wanted your help with planning a party for our fellow glee club members. I explained all of this over the phone, remember?'' She prompted incredulously.
The dark haired boy stared into her eyes, with a thoughtful expression on his face. ''Nope, doesn't ring a bell. Now seriously, what the hell do you want?'' Harry demanded suspiciously.
''I am serious!'' Rachel stubbornly insisted.
''She does sound like she's serious.'' Mike noted.
''Silence Demetrius.'' Harry snapped chidingly, before swiftly returning his focus to the girl before him. ''What would I get in return for this act of charity?'' He inquired of her.
''My gratitude?'' Rachel offered hopefully.
''I don't know why people think you're no fun, because that right there was pretty fucking hilarious.'' Harry scoffed.
''Please Harry! Name your terms, I'll do anything.'' She paused at the look of unholy glee that crossed the boy's face. ''Almost anything.'' She swiftly amended.
Harry pouted and eyed her for a moment, with his fingers steepled together in front of himself in evil contemplation. His face remained expressionless as he studied her motionless form. Rachel waited for his answer with bated breath. She idly considered that this was how a rabbit would feel, right before it's imminent demise at the hands of a dragon with a laser cannon attached to it's head.
''Very well, I will lend you my expertise in making your little gathering a resounding success. All I ask in return is an unspecified favour, to be fulfilled later at a time of my choosing.'' Harry finally agreed.
''That's all?'' Rachel wondered disbelievingly, at the seemingly minor stipulation.
Harry nodded, smiling at the girl reassuringly.
''Done!'' She declared, proffering her hand to shake on the deal.
Harry eyed the offered appendage with disdain, and no small amount of apprehension, before reaching forward and giving it a tentative shake. After doing so, he quickly snatched his hand back and wiped it vigorously on a handkerchief.
''God I hope that ceaseless optimism and bad dress sense aren't infectious.'' He grumbled discontentedly.
''Can we please go now?'' Sam interrupted them.
''No, you still need to give Hedwig a manicure! She wants French tips this week.'' Harry ordered him. The owl hooted in agreement with her master, and regally offered her talons for the disturbed pair of football players to work on.
''If she deems that you have done a satisfactory job, then I'll give you the key to your restraints.'' Harry promised them, whilst holding up the aforementioned key for their inspection.
''That's not a key, that's a taser!'' Mike yelped, trying to back away from him.
''Is it Mike? Is it really?'' The dark haired Brit mocked.
Rachel ignored the byplay as she happily left the room, feeling satisfied that her party would be a hit. She idly wondered if she should have set some specific limitations on what Harry was allowed to do. Surely he wouldn't do anything too insane though right? It was just a party after all.
''Aaaaaahhhhh!''
''Sam? Sam? Oh god I think you killed him!''
''Huh...I guess it really was a taser.''
On second thought, Rachel realised that she really should have been more specific with him.
''Don't panic Demetrius I can fix this, all I need is a hack saw and a bath tub filled with sulphuric acid.''
A lot more specific.
''Rachel's having a party?'' Kurt repeated somewhat sceptically.
When Blaine had insisted that they go to the Lima Bean for coffee because he had something big to tell him, Kurt had imagined a very different conversation happening.
''Yep!'' Blaine chirped, as he idly stirred a packet of sugar into his coffee.
''Rachel? Rachel Rachel? Dresses like crap Rachel?'' Kurt questioned further.
''That's the one.'' Blaine confirmed, whilst taking his first blissful sip of caffeine.
''Why am I hearing about this from you?'' Kurt demanded. He couldn't quite figure out why Rachel would've invited him through Blaine, seeing as the two barely even knew each other.
''Harry told me about it, apparently she's got him organising the whole thing.'' Blaine revealed, smiling brightly at the mention of his not yet boyfriend.
''Oh, him.'' Kurt muttered poisonously.
Blaine sighed at his friend's tone. Over the past couple of weeks he had come to realise that Kurt had a problem with Harry, but he'd only recently deduced what that problem was. He'd been hoping that the whole thing would blow over, but he was starting to think that talking about it might be a good idea. He just wasn't sure how to delicately broach the subject.
''Kurt, I know about your crush.'' The soloist blurted out.
Both his and Kurt's eyes widened in mortification at his callous spewing of the sensitive information. Blaine mentally groaned at the thoughtlessness he'd just displayed, but there was no taking it back now.
''Y-you know?'' Kurt stuttered, his heart pounding in apprehension.
''Yes...I know.'' Blaine confirmed, giving the other boy an understanding smile. ''I just wish that you'd let me know about it before I started anything with Harry.''
Kurt's head snapped up from it's dejected position facing the floor, with a look of confusion and hope on his face.
''Would that have changed anything?'' Kurt whispered.
''Ofcourse it would! I never would have gone out with him if I knew how you felt!'' Blaine declared.
''Really?'' Kurt asked breathlessly.
''Really.'' Blaine confirmed, smiling sadly.
The fashion conscious boy hesitated for a moment, gathering his thoughts and his courage in order to ask his next question.
''And...now that you know how I feel?'' He asked.
''It doesn't really change anything.'' Blaine told him reluctantly. ''I'm already dating him and everything. I know it's not serious yet, but I think I want to see where it can go. I really like him Kurt.'' He confessed.
''I know.'' Kurt grumbled. ''I don't particularly understand why, but I know that you like him.''
''You don't understand why?'' Blaine repeated, sounding confused. ''What made you have a crush on him in the first place then?'' He inquired.
Kurt frowned in bewilderment at that statement. He replayed their last words in his head, trying to figure out what Blaine was talking about, but he couldn't make heads nor tails of it. Was Blaine talking about himself in the third person?
''Huh?'' Was the fashionista's eloquent response.
''I just don't get how you can have a crush on Harry, and not know why. I mean he's gorgeous, smart, talented...'' Blaine began listing, only to be cut off by the indignant counter tenor.
''What?!'' Kurt shrieked. The look on his face promising imminent violence upon those around him, as he finally realised what his friend was implying.
''Whoa! Calm down Kurt.'' Blaine soothed.
The soloist's gaze flickered nervously around them, at the numerous people now staring at their table, before he leaned forward and lowered his voice.
''There's no need to freak out, I won't tell anyone.'' The dark haired Warbler quietly assured the other boy.
Kurt however had completely frozen, in a state of horrified disbelief at the other Warbler's obliviousness. The fact that Blaine could so thoroughly misconstrue the situation was vaguely disturbing. If he was really this dense, then Kurt might have to seriously re-evaluate his romantic choices.
''You're so far off base, that it isn't even funny.'' Kurt sneered.
''No need to get defensive.'' Blaine chastised him sternly. ''You basically admitted it already.''
''Admitted what?''
Both boys startled at the sudden interruption, and looked up to find a familiar face gazing back at them in wide eyed curiosity.
''Oh, hi Luna.'' Blaine greeted her awkwardly. ''How are you?'' He questioned.
''I'm very well thank you Blaine Warbler.'' She assured him.
Judging by the happy look on the girl's face, Blaine didn't doubt that. He did however have one pressing question for her, that had nothing to do with her unexpected presence at the Lima Bean.
''Luna, why are you wearing a cupid costume?'' He asked cautiously asked her.
The blonde merely blinked at the question, and studied him thoughtfully. Being stared at by her big blue eyes, made Blaine feel distinctly uncomfortable. He got the disturbing impression that he was being judged, with his soul laid bare for her perusal.
''Harry requested that I deliver the party invitations, as penance for tricking him into a period of extended child care.'' She finally explained.
Blaine withheld a sigh of relief as she ceased her penetrating gaze. He frowned sympathetically at the poor girl's predicament however.
''And he forced you to wear the costume?'' He asked her.
''Nooo.'' She drawled, sounding honestly confused. ''But what else should I wear whilst delivering messages?''
On the other side of the table, Kurt finally came back to reality. The shock of seeing someone wearing something like that in public had momentarily paralysed him, but the blonde's bizarre statement brought him crashing back to a state of lucidity.
''What does cupid have to do with anything? It's not even valentines day.'' The ex-cheerio pointed out.
''I'm well aware of that. But after i'm done here I'm going hunting, and I need to be dressed appropriately.'' The blonde declared.
Kurt shot Blaine a questioning look, silently asking the other boy which one of them should respond to that.
''Screw it, I'll ask her.'' Kurt sighed in annoyance.
Blaine grinned sheepishly, silently glad that he didn't have to ask about it, and thus open that particular can of crazy.
''Why in the world would you consider that appropriate hunting apparel?'' Kurt demanded of the girl. He wouldn't even ask why she would undertake such a barbaric pastime in the first place.
''Are all Americans so woefully uneducated?'' Luna wondered aloud.
''Excuse me?'' Kurt sputtered.
''I'm hunting for the Lesser Spotted Cravensnatch. And everyone with half a brain knows that they despise romance in all of it's forms.'' The blonde lectured them. ''Thus by assuming the identity of the Roman god of love, I shall no doubt attract the beast's attention and finally prove it's existence to all of the non-believers!'' She haughtily declared, as her plan was revealed to them.
Both boys stared at her in horrified disbelief, as they quickly realised that she was completely serious. Surely someone that mentally unstable shouldn't be roaming about on her own?
''So you're going hunting all by yourself?'' Blaine probed warily, hoping that she wouldn't be skulking about with a shotgun completely unsupervised.
''Ofcourse not.'' She huffed. ''The Cravensnatch is a vicious and worthy foe, even someone of my skill and expertise would never dare to pursue one alone.''
Blaine sighed in relief at her admission.
''Harry's coming with me.'' Luna informed them, gesturing behind their seats.
Both boys stiffened, realising that the green eyed boy must've somehow snuck up on them again, despite the fact that they were facing the door. They slowly turned their heads in tandem, resolved to not jump in surprise this time, but to their confusion there was no one behind them.
Kurt turned back around, prepared to give Luna a tongue lashing for scaring them like that, but screamed instead when he found himself almost nose to nose with the dark haired menace.
''Hiya!'' Harry chirped, causing the newest Warbler to topple over backwards with a scream of fright.
Blaine jumped as well, startled at yet another miraculous appearance by the object of his affection. He ignored Kurt, who was now groaning on the floor, and gave Harry a stern glare.
''You seriously need to stop doing that, or you're going to give somebody a heart attack.'' Blaine warned him.
''Too little too late.'' Harry admitted sheepishly.
Blaine chose to avoid that worrying revelation, and instead took the time to process what the other boy was wearing.
''Why are you wearing a gladiator uniform?'' He questioned.
Harry raised an eyebrow curiously. ''We're going after the Greater Spotted Cravensnatch.'' He revealed. ''What I want to know is why the hell Luna is dressed like Cupid?''
''We're looking for the Lesser Spotted Cravensnatch!'' Luna snapped, eyeing the boy's apparel disdainfully.
Harry winced. ''Whoops, my bad.''
''What's the difference?'' Blaine asked them cautiously, not sure if he really wanted to know.
''The Greater Spotted Cravensnatch detests anything related to war, whilst the Lesser Spotted Cravensnatch reviles romance in all of it's forms.'' Harry explained slowly, as though speaking to a pair of particularly stupid children. ''Honestly, are all Americans this woefully uneducated?''
''That's what I said!'' Luna agreed.
''I'm not entirely certain that I feel safe being in a room with both of you at the same time.'' Kurt piped up, giving the British duo a wary glare.
''Then you're a wiser man than I.'' Harry praised him. ''I often let my guard down around myself, and it rarely turns out well.''
''That doesn't make any sense.'' Kurt retorted, frowning bemusedly.
''It does when your aunt is a trained hypnotist.'' Harry hinted unhelpfully.
''Lady Sylvester is rather skilled in the mind arts.'' Luna added.
Blaine had to forcefully choke down a laugh at the expression on Kurt's face, as the quirky pair proceeded to unintentionally fry his brain. Although knowing Kurt, he could still be reeling from the horror of what Luna and Harry were wearing. Personally Blaine quite liked Harry's outfit, even if it would look better on the floor. The other boy had a surprising amount of muscle on him, and the sleeveless breastplate and battle skirt did little to hide that fact.
''Blaine!'' Kurt snapped, jabbing him sharply in the ribs with his elbow. The Warbler startled at the rough treatment, and gave his friend a wounded look. Evidently the pale boy had been trying and failing to get his attention due to his ogling.
''Aww, let the boy daydream.'' Harry cooed. ''He's cute when he's all spaced out and blatantly eye fucking me.''
Blaine blushed furiously. He opened his mouth to feebly deny the accusation, but realised that it would be futile judging by the look that Harry was giving him.
''I'll turn you into a fellow sexual deviant yet!'' Harry vowed cheerfully, before suddenly frowning in thought. ''Speaking of my depraved sexual proclivities, I should probably let Sam and Mike out of the trunk of my car.''
''They have plenty of oxygen left.'' Luna dismissed, airily waving aside his concerns.
''You both need to be institutionalised.'' Kurt informed them.
Harry bristled, apparently taking offence to that particular remark. ''We're not crazy. Would a crazy person be entrusted to look after a baby?'' He pointed out triumphantly.
''Where is little Teddy anyway?'' Blaine asked, looking around for some sign of the infant's pram.
''I left him and Hedwig in the car to keep an eye on the toga twins.'' Harry explained.
''You left a baby in a car, supervised only by an owl and two people locked in the trunk?'' Blaine clarified, with disapproving eyes.
''Don't worry, I gave the kid a taser in case anything bad happens.'' Harry reassured him.
''You gave Teddy a taser?'' Luna repeated incredulously. ''Are you insane?'' She demanded.
Kurt and Blaine nodded vigorously in agreement with the girl. The fact that anyone could display such negligent behaviour was horrifying.
''You know that Teddy's hand eye coordination isn't sophisticated enough to handle something like that yet, you should have given it to Hedwig!'' Luna chastised him.
''Hedwig doesn't like using tools, she prefers the tactile pleasure of eviscerating her foes with her bare talons.'' Harry argued adamantly.
''I'm not so sure that I want to come to a party arranged by them.'' Kurt whispered in Blaine's ear.
''I'd normally agree.'' Blaine murmured back. ''But apparently I'm a sucker for a psychopath in a skirt.''
Santana really needed to increase her resistance to pretty, blue eyed, blonde women. Somehow, Luna had managed to convince her to distract Rachel for an entire afternoon, so that she and Harry could break into the girl's house and rearrange everything to their liking for the party that evening. The fact that they were breaking and entering without Santana's help was more than a little bit rude. But Harry was still being a bitch about the whole Rachel kissing Puck thing, which was completely childish in her opinion. It wasn't like she'd intended for it to happen, she'd just wanted to cause Man hands and Lurch some grief. The fact that she'd caused so much collective misery for so many members of the glee club in the process was completely coincidental, and kind of hilarious. Maybe Harry was just pissed off that he wasn't the one to viciously destroy everyone's happiness? That would make sense.
''Berry if you don't stop staring at me, I'm gonna drive us off a bridge.'' Santana threatened, as she noticed the other girl stealing glances at her from the passenger seat.
''Sorry.'' Rachel offered. ''It's just...why did you decide to invite me to a showing of 'The Sound of Music' completely out of the blue? You don't even like me.'' She observed.
Santana shrugged. ''I like musicals and no one else would go with me?'' She hedged.
''I'm pretty sure that neither of those things are true.'' Rachel retorted.
''Give the Hobbit a gold star, she saw through my evil machinations.'' Santana deadpanned.
The other girl ignored her sarcasm. Rachel was suddenly very sure that something wasn't right about all of this.
''How did you even get tickets at the last minute?'' Rachel suddenly wondered. ''Did Harry have something to do with this?''
''What makes you say that?'' Santana asked her.
''We're driving his car right now.'' She pointed out.
''Touché.''
Rachel frowned. Trying to wheedle information from Santana would evidently take a while. But her curiosity was peaked. Clearly Harry had orchestrated their little outing, but why? She supposed that she could always ask him at the party later, but she really didn't like not knowing things.
''Oh no! The party!'' She suddenly realised. ''It's already five-thirty, and none of the preparation has been done!''
Rachel couldn't believe that she'd been so distracted by a musical, that she'd already seen a dozen times. She was supposed to have met Harry at three o'clock, so that he could help her set everything up. Why hadn't he tried calling her? How would she find time to get changed and put out the snacks and ticket stubs for the wine coolers?
''This is all your fault!'' She wailed, glaring accusingly at Santana.
''Don't blame me, I'm just an accomplice.'' Santana defended. ''Oh, and FYI? You wouldn't be the first Jewish chick with a talented mouth that I've thrown out of a moving car, so don't raise your voice to me.'' She advised her.
''But everyone will be at my house in an hour.'' Rachel reminded her despondently.
''Relax Berry, It's all been taken care of.'' Santana soothed.
Rachel paused at that, and eyed the other girl suspiciously. ''What do you mean by that?'' She demanded.
Before the ex-cheerio could answer her, Rachel abruptly came to her own conclusions. The sudden musical? Harry lending them his Ferrari? The fact that Harry had completely forgotten about their appointment? Santana being cordial?
''Oh good lord, what's he done this time?'' Rachel muttered in realisation.
Santana gave her a shark like grin. ''Don't worry your big nosed head about it Man Hands, everything's gonna be fine.'' She told her. ''I saw Harry this morning holding a crowbar and a jar of Vaseline, so he probably didn't break anything getting into your house.''
''A crowbar and a jar of Vaseline?'' Rachel repeated, momentarily distracted from the thought of finding her home completely ransacked.
''Well I assume he was using that stuff to get into your house.'' Santana amended. ''I have no clue what the gladiator costume had to do with anything though. He looked kind of like Russell Crowe, except hot and British.'' She mused.
''My dads are going to kill me.'' Rachel moaned, leaning her head on the dashboard.
''No they're not. Everything will be kosher by the time they get back from Fire Island, or wherever the hell it is that interracial gay couples go on vacation.'' Santana assured her. ''And look on the bright side, even if your place does get trashed, it's not my problem.'' She cheerfully pointed out.
''I hate you.'' Rachel growled.
''Yeah, I've heard that jealousy is a bitch.'' Santana agreed.
When the time came to make his way to Rachel's, Puck had decided to wait another fifteen minutes before leaving. Rolling in fashionably late was kind of his thing. Plus his arrival would stand out more to the others, and by 'others' he really meant Harry, which was step one in his brilliant tactical plan to hit that ass like a freight train hits a suicidal stock broker.
As his Puck pulled up outside Rachel's place, he noted the congregation on the front lawn with a frown. For some reason the entire glee club was just standing around, but judging by the looks on their faces they weren't too pleased about it. After parking behind Mike's car, he hopped out of his truck and made his way over.
''Yo losers, fun and smexyness has arrived! The good times can now commence!'' He hollered.
''No they can't, unless you've got a key to Rachel's front door.'' Quinn corrected him. That brought the mohawked teen up short.
''What the hell does that mean?'' Puck demanded.
''It means that no one is answering the door genius.'' Santana sneered.
''Did anyone try calling Rachel?'' He asked them.
''No, because I'm standing right here Noah.'' The girl in question pointed out dryly, from beside Santana.
''Huh, so you are.'' Puck agreed. ''Ya know I never really noticed, but when you're not running your mouth off you kind of just fade into the background don't ya?'' He teased.
Before Rachel could retort, she was interrupted by the ominous creaking of the front door, as it slowly inched it's way open seemingly of it's own accord.
''I thought you said it was locked?'' Puck pointed out, as the group stared warily at the now open doorway.
''It was!'' Rachel protested. ''Apparently Harry somehow stole my keys and replaced them with a self help book on personal grooming habits.'' She added as an explanation. Which did beg the question of what the crowbar and jar of Vaseline had actually been for.
''That doesn't make any sense.'' Artie pointed out.
''I know! That book was enormous, there's no way I wouldn't have noticed!'' Rachel agreed.
''I was talking about the door suddenly opening horror movie style.'' Artie told her.
''Yeah, this is the part where the hapless teens enter the unassuming death trap.'' Sam noted with dread. ''I'm definitely not going in there first, it's always the hot blonde or the funny guy that gets picked off at the beginning and I qualify as both!''
Santana had apparently reached the limits of her patience for the day, as she barged her way to the front of the group. ''Stand aside you slovenly wastes of natural resources.'' She snarled, before softening her tone. ''You too Brittany.''
''Hey!'' Finn whined, as a sharp elbow jabbed him in the ribs as she passed by.
''No dude, this is perfect!'' Mike whispered to the taller boy. ''If you knew that Jason was waiting for you in a house, who better to send in than Freddy Krueger?'' He explained.
''Did you just compare me to a dream hopping burn victim?'' Santana demanded, as she whipped around to glare at him.
''No mam!'' Mike squeaked.
''Yeah, that's what I thought.'' She sneered, before stomping off into the house.
''Damn woman's got ears like a bat.'' Mike grumbled.
''Now I'm a disease ridden flying rodent?'' Santana shrieked indignantly from somewhere within the building.
Mike paled and quickly leaped behind his girlfriend for sanctuary.
''Please stop digging your own grave honey.'' Tina pleaded. ''Your abs are still of use to me.'' She informed him.
The rest of the procession finally made their way inside, now that they were reassured that any monsters within would have already been either flayed alive or turned into pets by Santana. Rachel suggested that if Harry and Luna were there then they were likely in the basement, as that's where they had planned to hold the gathering. They made their way through the house with a bit more speed, as they heard the sound of thumping music coming from somewhere deeper inside.
When they finally reached the basement stairs and descended into the room, they were immediately bombarded with a wave of pulse pounding music and flashing lights. Santana was ofcourse already there, and had thrown her jacket over the back of her chair to make herself comfortable. Luna was perched with her usual grace upon the seat beside her, and on the table in front of them was Harry, with his body wrapped around a-
''Why the hell is there a strip pole in my basement?'' Rachel blurted out.
''Yeah baby, take it off!'' Santana whooped, throwing a fist full of dollar bills at the British boy's feet.
''Show us the goods, you filthy whore!'' Luna crowed, in a shocking and unusual display of aggression. The blonde stood up, waving around a bottle of vodka in her grip as she leaned forward and slapped the gyrating boy harshly on the ass. ''And look at me like you're a virgin!'' She commanded.
''What...the...fuck.'' Finn slowly intoned, his eyes wide with disbelief.
''Oh god, Tina don't look!'' Mike pleaded desperately. However upon turning to cover his girlfriend's delicate eyes, he discovered that she was no longer next to him. ''Tina?'' He repeated dumbly.
''Woo! Show us the package!'' Tina yelled, from her new position across the room in front to the table. ''Package, package, package!'' She chanted, with Luna and Santana quickly joining her.
''Tina!'' Mike yelped, calling the girl's attention back to him.
''What are you doing over there?'' She snapped. ''Get up on that table, momma wants ta see some man on man action!''
Santana turned to the other girl in surprise. ''Damn Chang, welcome to the dark side girl.'' She praised.
''Are you guys sure this is the right address?'' Jeff wondered, eyeing the house in front of them doubtfully. ''I don't hear any music or anything.''
Kurt scoffed. ''Ofcourse it is.'' He dismissed.
''Maybe the party's over already coz you took like three hours choosing an outfit?'' Jeff grumbled mutinously.
''I'm sorry, did you say something?'' Kurt inquired sweetly.
''Nope. I was just talking to myself.'' The blonde evasively replied.
Kurt narrowed his eyes at the other boy's tone, but decided to let him off lightly this time. Stepping up to the front door, the effeminate boy rapped his knuckles smartly against the wood and waited. After a moment the assembled Warblers heard footsteps from inside and a moment later the door swung open, revealing Mercedes standing in the entrance.
''Oh hey!'' She chirped brightly. ''I forgot you guys were coming!''
''Hey boo!'' Kurt trilled, pulling the girl in for a hug. ''You know Blaine, Nick and Jeff right?'' He asked.
''Yeah sure, from the mall.'' Mercedes recalled. ''Come on in, everyone's downstairs.'' She told them as they followed her inside.
Blaine studied his surroundings curiously. ''So this is Rachel's house?'' He inquired rhetorically.
Mercedes gave a hum of acknowledgement, but didn't otherwise reply as she instead began inspecting their outfits. ''You boys clean up nice.'' She approved.
''Kurt dressed us.'' Nick explained, sounding despondent about the fact. Jeff and Blaine shuddered in agreement.
''Sounds like you guys could use a drink.'' The girl sympathetically offered. ''Good luck catching up to 'Happy the Dancing Man-whore' and 'Xena the Warrior Man Abuser', they were drunk before we got here.'' She cautioned them.
''Who?'' Kurt asked, temporarily ignoring the other's reactions to his methods of clothing them.
''Harry and Luna.'' Mercedes explained. ''Apparently their personalities have done a complete one-eighty. It's pretty disturbing.''
Blaine was sure that was an exaggeration, until they entered the basement and the first thing they saw was Luna shoving her tongue down a struggling Sam's throat. As the five of them froze at the sight, Luna grew tired of her prey and tossed the other blonde to the floor.
''I wonder if Heliopaths are attracted by alcohol fuelled fire?'' She pondered, ignoring the Warblers and Mercedes standing three feet away from her.
As the vacant girl savagely kicked Sam in the ribs and wandered off, the group was left staring cluelessly after her retreating form.
''If you thought that was violent, you should of seen her hang Finn and Puck from the coat hooks to play a round of 'Smack the Douche'.'' Mercedes revealed.
''I'm scared.'' Jeff whimpered pitifully.
Blaine had to agree with his team mate. Luna was already out of her mind, but evidently being drunk had added a degree of casual violence to her repertoire.
''If she comes back then remain perfectly still. Their vision is based on movement.'' Nick advised solemnly.
''You're thinking of a Tyrannosaurus.'' Blaine corrected.
''Blaine!''
The Warbler had only a second to brace himself before a dark haired blur slammed into him, knocking them both to the floor.
''Hi Blaine!'' Harry chirped, propping himself up on the other boy's chest. ''What ya doin?'' He queried.
''Harry?'' Blaine muttered, blinking dazedly from his sudden introduction to the carpet.
''I'm Harry!'' The green eyed boy pointed out excitedly.
''Um... yeah I already know that.'' Blaine pointed out with clear amusement and a small amount of lust. Harry had clearly misplaced his shirt somewhere, and the benefits of his extensive gymnastic training had never been more apparent.
''Oh joy, look who's here.'' Kurt grumbled sarcastically. Both Jeff and Nick were stood on either side of the other boy, looking down at the pair on the floor.
''Kurtsie!'' Harry squealed, leaping from his position on Blaine's lap and tackling the pale Warbler in a crushing hug.
Kurt's eyes went wide with horror, before he futilely began attempting to remove himself from the drunken teen's relentless grip. Fortunately for him, Harry chose that moment to take notice of Nick and Jeff.
''Boys!'' Harry declared, pulling both Warblers into his clutches. ''I remember you. You're boy's.'' He informed them.
''I'll be whatever you want me to be.'' Nick responded dreamily.
Blaine narrowed his eyes and clambered to his feet, to quickly remove the dark haired boy from his friend's embrace, but unfortunately he didn't get the chance to.
''Hey look dude, Warblers!'' Someone pointed out, as two more people strolled up to the group.
''Finn, Puck.'' Kurt greeted the two new arrivals with a smile.
''Noah!'' Harry shouted gleefully, as he threw himself at a rather muscular boy with a mohawk. The larger boy caught him easily enough, making it clear that this had probably happened more than once already.
''Hey babe, you having fun?'' Puck enquired, settling his arms around Harry's waist.
''Babe?'' Blaine repeated, a slight growl in his tone.
''Babe?'' Kurt echoed incredulously, as though someone had just declared the sky to be orange.
''Babe.'' Puck reiterated smugly, pulling the dark haired boy even closer to his body. ''Did you know that you're supposed to give someone a kiss when you greet them?'' He asked, aiming his question to the one he was holding.
''Really?'' Harry questioned innocently.
''Really.'' Puck confirmed, leaning forward expectantly.
Blaine was about to jump in and pull the two boy's apart, in order to save poor shirtless Harry from being taken advantage of. Unfortunately none of them anticipated what happened next.
''Hello.'' Quinn offered, walking over and giving the Warblers a polite smile.
''Hi Quinn!'' Harry chirped.
''Hello Har-'' Quinn was cut off mid sentence, as the dark haired boy jumped away from Puck's hold and into her personal space. Before she could even wonder what was happening, he grabbed her hip with one hand and the back of her neck with the other and dramatically dipped her into a scorching kiss.
''Hey!'' Puck whined.
''Dude that's my girlfriend!'' Finn exclaimed, watching as Quinn overcame her initial surprise and started kissing back, burying her fingers into Harry's dark hair.
Finn's shout caught Harry's attention, and he almost immediately pulled away and set the dazed girl back on her feet. The blonde stood there for a moment with glazed eyes and swollen lips, whilst Harry turned to her boyfriend and waved merrily.
''Hi Finn!''
Normally Finn wasn't exactly the quickest on the uptake, but for once he managed to connect the dots pretty speedily. ''Oh shi-'' He managed to get out before Harry was upon him, forcing their mouths together and ignoring the quarterback's moans of protest.
''I've created a monster.'' Puck lamented, watching despairingly as Finn struggled and Harry added some tongue to the mix.
''Hmm, that's certainly interesting.'' Quinn noted with a disturbing gleam in her eye, observing as her boyfriend gave in and started accepting the inevitable lip rape.
Blaine didn't really know Finn Hudson very well, but he'd met him more times than anyone else in New Directions due to him being Kurt's step brother. Because of this, he felt that it was his duty to help the guy out. So he bravely stepped forward, and after shooting a superior look in Puck's direction, he opened his mouth to speak.
''Hello Harry.''
Blaine couldn't help but think that he was kind of like a superhero, as Finn was released and Harry happily pulled the Warbler into a steamy kiss. He had totally saved the ludicrously tall boy from a terrible fate. Harry deftly slipped his tongue into his mouth. A terrible terrible fate.
The latest lip lock of the past few minutes was brought to an end, as Santana stood up on a table to get everyone's attention. ''Potter! Get your fine British ass over here, I need your smoking hot bod to do body shots off of.'' She bellowed.
This party was gonna be awesome.
Next chapter: The party continues, whilst Sue makes an attempt at baby sitting with minimal bloodshed.
AN/ How was that? A nice comeback, or a pain in the crotch to read? Review and tell me your thoughts(As long as they're full of praise and worship.) The party games will begin next chapter, so feel free to request anything you'd enjoy reading! I'll do pretty much any pairing, game, or situation.