Disclaimer: I don't own it, I just ship it
Warning: AU, strong language, boy x boy pairings, violence (more so bullying in the beginning), and because this was inspired by the manga Iris Zero, there may be some minor spoilers for it.
Sorry for the wait. Enjoy your ridiculously long chapter!
Just a heads-up to anyone who's first language isn't English…VIP is an acronym for Very Important Person. It's used to describe a person or group of people who are wealthy, well-established, and/or famous. I mention it now, because you'll be seeing it soon.
oOo
It was a rainy Wednesday that brought the World Academy Student Council together for their weekly meeting. As expected, the President didn't let a little water dampen his spirits. Alfred was whistling the Batman theme song while toting around a large box overflowing with paperwork. The other members of the Student Council slowly filed in, some returning his greeting with a polite wave, others a withering glare. Nobody was particularly looking forward to the afternoon's topic – reviewing the club charters of every single student organization on campus.
"Glad you could make it, guys!" The President's cheerful greeting was muffled by the mountain of papers, a few flying loose around him.
Arthur's eyes suddenly widened and he hastily made his way over. Without explanation, the Brit took a pile of paperwork from his cousin and steered him away from the discarded papers on the floor.
"Thanks, Artie!" the taller blonde thanked him, setting down his load on the round table.
"Just start the meeting, so we can all go home," the tsundere spat back, sitting next to the Police Commissioner.
"I had no idea you cared about the damned fish so much," Lovino muttered.
Arthur's face turned pink. He realized Lovino must have figured out that the only reason he bothered to help his clumsy cousin was because he saw a swarm of black butterflies engulf the fish tank. This had implied that the fish would all die at about the same time…most likely a sudden accident like Alfred slipping and crashing into the tank, breaking it. Sure enough, after he helped the git, the butterflies took off. Even after their little adventure on the subway last week, Arthur found it hard to believe Lovino was able to put all that together in an instant.
"It's really creepy when you do that."
"So I've been told," Lovino leafed through some papers.
Alfred opened the meeting up by explaining they would be looking for any possible evidence of international crime organizations using school clubs as a front to operate behind. Any club using a mythological creature as their club logo and/or the phrase 'Hail, Hydra' was to be brought to his attention immediately. Ludwig interrupted and explained what they would actually be doing – reviewing this year's stack of club charters, recording the current list of members and meeting dates, determining if the club's focus aligned with its goals, and sending them back for revision as needed.
During the evaluation process, Kiku finished his stack first (it helped that he made sure he grabbed the Anime, Newspaper, and SHIP club charters he had a part in creating). He kept himself busy writing fanfics at his laptop while the others struggled to finish their own piles. Alfred was talking animatedly to Lovino and Arthur about combating cyber-terrorism with doing this by hand, while both ignored him and barely touched their papers. The young CEO had little to no interest in the goals of the Bug Collection Club or what days and times the Swim Team met…he was burnt out on paperwork enough as it was with his family's business constantly breathing down his neck. Lovino had been indifferent to paperwork before, but today the absence of sunlight meant the absence of his motivation (Alfred couldn't decide if that made him more like a plant or a cat). Ludwig had efficiently completed his selection of club charters and was now barking orders at the lazier members to get their act together. He was met with the fierce rebuttal of Arthur yawning and Lovino flipping him off.
Suddenly, Roderich burst through the doors, waving an envelope around like it was on fire. All three of the tiny red panda cubs shot off the table like tiny red streaks of fluff and ran to the other side of the room to hide under their blanket. Mama panda Val, rudely awakened from her nap on Lovino's lap, narrowed her brown eyes at the intruder. She would definitely be leaving a smelly surprise in his shoes when he least expected it. Oblivious to the mother's wrath he incurred, the Austrian raised his voice for all to hear.
"The Headmaster himself appointed us this letter!" Roderich arched his nose into the air. "It contains the details of a highly classified matter he wants us to attend to immediately."
"We get to be the heroes?" the American's bright blue eyes glittered.
"No, we get to be adults and handle the matter maturely," the Austrian huffed.
"Oh…" Alfred couldn't mask his disappointment, leaning back into his chair/throne.
"Headmaster Shinawatra specifically requested us above all of the other student organizations to lead a group of several prestigious members of society around our campus on Friday," the senior proudly proclaimed, as if they had the most important job in the history of the school. "All of the visitors are alumni, who contribute large donations to the academy every year and want to see how well their money is being spent."
Roderich had been expecting fear. He had been expecting anxiety…or at the very least, someone begging for his help in the matter. He received neither.
"That sounds incredibly dull," Arthur replied in a bored tone.
"I'd rather eat glass shards," Lovino didn't even look up from his paperwork.
"Why would you want to eat Artie's cooking?" grinned Alfred, using his arm to shield himself from the large paper balls his cousin hurled at him. "Dude, I'm kidding! Everyone knows your cooking tastes like charcoal, not glass!"
After another brief family scuffle, Alfred had finally officially accepted the Headmaster's request of showing the VIPs around in two days.
Sure, half the time the Student Council didn't get along with each other and the other half of the time was spent complaining about the actual work required of them, but the President was proud of his team. They got things done when it counted and they had fun doing it. This time wouldn't be any different. How hard would it be to show a group of nostalgic old-timers around?
oOo
The very next day, things had gotten predictably crazy while World Academy was being readied for its influential visitors.
While going over the route they had planned for the Geezer Tour on Friday, the officers couldn't help but overhear some…strange sounds coming from the cafeteria. Just this morning, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, however when they pushed open the doors afterschool they were met by a completely different sight.
All of the digital clocks had been covered up by face clocks, slowly ticking away the minutes. Handwritten menus, depicting the lunch schedule for the rest of the week were placed at every table. A large jukebox was nestled into the corner of the room, playing hits from half a century ago. All of the modern school logos and lion mascots had been covered up by banners depicting previous incarnations of both. Even the newspapers and student photographs had been replaced with older versions.
In the center of it all was Elizabeta, clad in a pristine white blouse with a pleated red skirt flowing past her knees and matching blazer. On the side of her head, rested a red beret with the school logo embellished in gold thread. The officers sighed. They should have expected as much. Where there was cosplay, there was Elizabeta. It was like she was drawn to this sort of thing. The brunette stopped barking orders to all of her workers (who were also dressed in uniforms that belonged in their grandparents' closet) when she saw the new arrivals.
"So, what do you think?" Elizabeta asked, expectantly.
Roderich had to admit his girlfriend looked adorable in the vintage school uniform, but expressed his concern about spending another large sum of money for an event not everyone would be a part of. The brunette waved off his worries, stating she knows the Host Club did far better than anticipated, so they could cover it with President Jones's approval.
Alfred was suddenly very uncomfortable. It didn't help any that he could feel every eye in the cafeteria turn to him. Everyone from the cute girl carrying menus to the creepy guy half-hidden behind the buffet table was watching him sweat.
Before they got suckered into helping Elizabeta transform the cafeteria into a 50's themed extravaganza, the officers were called to the main office via intercom. The group excused themselves and got out of there as quickly as possible. Inside the spacious room serving as the main office, they were met by a grim-looking Kasem and a stressed out Petra. Something was definitely wrong with this picture. The Headmaster was always smiling around others and the Norwegian secretary was always stoic and unflappable. They knew then and there this whole thing had gone from bad to worse.
"I'm afraid I have some troublesome news for you all…" Headmaster Shinawatra frowned.
Shit…
He went on to explain how World Academy's official school flag had gone missing within the last hour. It was a big deal, as the special guests visiting tomorrow had designed and sewn it themselves during their time as students. They would undoubtedly want to see it on display in all its vintage glory.
"It had been kept under lock and key in one of the display cases on the second floor," he added. "Only Miss Thomassen and myself have access to that set of keys."
The boys nodded, taking it all in.
"We were able to rule out lock-picking as Miss Thomassen's key is missing…" the Thai man sighed.
"Where is it normally kept?" Alfred asked, shifting into the serious President, now that the need arose for it.
"Normally, I keep it on my person," the young woman frowned. "But as a security regulation, I keep it in my desk when leaving school grounds. That's where I put it when I left for my half hour break, same as always. When I got back, I realized it was missing."
"We immediately checked on the flag and found that to be missing, as well," Kasem added.
Any further information was cut off by a young girl with spiky blonde hair announcing her arrival quite loudly.
"Hej~! Hej~! I'm heeeeeere!"
"Dana?" the Headmaster made himself smile for the five year-old's sake. "Ah, that's right…it's Thursday. You're in the Mentorship program, aren't you?"
"Yep, yep! Today's boring stuff, but tomorrow's a football game!" she cheered. "What's goin' on here?"
"Someone broke into the office while your step-sister was out."
"Wah! Petra!" the little girl latched onto the Norwegian. "Are you okay?!"
"I'm fine. Get off already, brat," the long-haired woman pried her off. "Did you notice anyone hanging around the office earlier, when you were coloring in the hallway?"
"Ooh! Wasn't that when you promised me a pandekager if I was really good~?"
"Just answer the question, Dana," the secretary was starting to lose patience with her easily distracted step-sister. "Did you see anyone around the office?"
"No…" the tiny blonde seemed more distraught that Petra didn't bring her any treats, as promised than the possibility a thief was on the prowl.
"If you're lying to me, I'm never bringing you any pandekager ever again."
"I'm not! I'm not!"
"Uh, if I may…she's not lying," Ludwig cut in. "My Iris can see that much."
"That's right! Listen to the cave troll, Petra!" Dana put her tiny fists on her hips and puffed out her cheeks.
"The…the cave troll…?" Ludwig winced. He certainly didn't see himself as a troll. His social skills weren't that bad!
The others snickered until he glared at them. Kasem gave them a bit more information about the flag to aid them in their quest. Completely unfolded, it measured about three by five feet. There were no recorded rips or tears in the flag, so as long as the thief was careful, it should still be in one piece. Being percale, it also had a bit more durability as far as fabric went. The original creators wanted to use a stronger fabric to ensure the flag lasted over the years, even if it had to be washed. Alfred being Alfred hadn't heard anything past the word 'percale.'
"Our flag is a peacock?" he asked, eyebrows practically at his hairline.
"Percale, git. It's a kind of fabric, not a bloody bird," his cousin corrected him.
During the explanation, the part-time secretary entered with the surveillance tapes. She apologized as she was the one who accidentally left the side door to the office open, which may have been how the thief got in. The officers asked a few more questions (which Ludwig later confirmed to be the truth) and were getting ready to leave. As they did so, Lovino suggested Kasem send out an email to all the professors, asking for a list of names of students who were absent, excused for VIP prep, or using a bathroom pass during the time period that the flag went missing. The Headmaster agreed it sounded like a good idea and he excused himself to get right on that.
oOo
The next logical step for the Student Council was to inspect the scene of the crime – the display case. They had hoped to investigate it before the final class of the day was dismissed and unleashed waves upon waves of teenagers through the hallway. Looking everything over, it appeared to be a standard job of using the key to break in. There was no sign of lock-picking or forced entry.
"Boring…" Lovino leaned against the wall.
"Oh, I'm sorry if our missing school treasure isn't exciting enough for you," Roderich fumed. Why couldn't anyone see how important this job was?
Before another argument could break out the final bell of the day rang and the hallway was flooded with students. The missing flag was still on full display for anyone passing by. If the school found out it was gone, it would only be a matter of time before the VIPs did, as they were related to several students currently attending World Academy. Alfred figured his life being the Rom-Com it was, would only serve to have some random student spill the beans about the flag during the big tour. They had to cover this up – fast!
"Quick!" he hissed. "Everybody stand in front of the case to hide it! Just be cool and nobody'll notice!"
The others had their doubts about this working, but did so anyway.
Sure enough, the entire Student Council standing in the hallway was enough to draw everyone in the vicinity over to see what was going on. People noticed the empty display case and started talking. Alfred quickly leapt into action again with his trademark laugh echoing throughout the crowded hallway.
"I bet you would all like to know where it went," he laughed. "But I can't tell you! It's part of a magic trick!"
"It's official; he's lost his bloody mind…" Arthur sighed.
"Is it really?" A girl asked.
"I didn't know you guys were magicians…"
"Where is it actually?" a boy scratched his head.
"I told you, it's all an illuuuuusion…" the Hero said mysteriously, desperately trying to convince everyone it was part of the act. "And a good magician never spills his secrets!"
To further his point, Alfred started passing the other officers off as magicians by giving them crazy stage names.
"I present to you the King of Conjuring, Minty Magic!" the President wildly gestured to his cousin. "And his lovely assistant, the Duke of Deception – Ninja Master X!"
"You daft idiot!" Arthur growled. Alfred knew his favorite wizard was Merlin! How did he not call him that?
"Um…why am I the 'lovely assistant?'" questioned Kiku.
"Standing next to our Master of the Ninja Arts is the one and only, Righteous Roddy, Music Magician extraordinaire!
"I hardly think so," Righteous Roddy pinched the bridge of his nose.
"And let's not forget about that Trickster Transformer, Trudy, the Terrific Cave Troll!"
"Why am I a cave troll…again?!" Ludwig ground his teeth.
"And Grand Maestro Magi, the Master of the Unknown!" Alfred draped an arm over Lovino's shoulders. "This magnificent mentalist is capable of identifying any Iris in 20 questions or less!"
It caused quite a scene when they all started pulling magic tricks out of their asses with various levels of success. Understandably, Alfred and Arthur were the best at this. Ludwig and Roderich had no idea what they were doing, Kiku managed to show off some sleight of hand tricks like pulling one of his back-up cameras out of his sleeve (the real magic was figuring out where he kept his camera), whereas Lovino was having some difficulty focusing after the Amazing Alfredo introduced himself using the embarrassing nickname Lovino had given him. Really, the blonde was lucky Lovino didn't try to make a pencil 'disappear' into Alfred's thick skull.
"But what about the school flag?" a boy asked the Amazing Alfredo.
"Now you're looking for the secret…but you won't find it," Alfred shuffled his deck of cards (he happened to have them in his pocket) "Because you're not really looking…You don't really want to know…You want to be fooled…"
"Whoa, that's really deep, man…"
"Not to mention stolen from The Prestige…" Lovino rolled his eyes. He chose not to speak up because at the very least, Alfred's antics were keeping the ignorant masses occupied and not thinking about missing school treasures. If there was one thing their President/amateur magician was good at, it was misdirection.
Arthur had his crowd of fans wrapped around his finger as he made a nearby student's handkerchief seemingly appear from thin air. The group around him clapped and cheered, causing him to up the ante. He could only follow up such applause with a firebreathing trick he learned (read: saw on TV) not too long ago. The Brit was confident he could pull it off, at least until Roderich ruined it by bumping into him, causing someone's backpack to catch on fire, leading to panic.
Ludwig and Alfred got loud enough to start clearing the hallway. People were running in all directions, but Lovino managed to grab the emergency fire extinguisher and put out the bag before it spread. Of course, he 'accidentally' sprayed Roderich too…leading to another screaming match. The hallway got more agitated and Ludwig had to slam his hands on a table to get everyone's attention. He must have been more frustrated than he thought, because he ended up breaking said table in half. All eyes fell on the amateur magicians who had nearly set the hallway ablaze. Alfred did his best to lighten the situation.
"Uh…This was also magic too, heheh…Surprise!"
But it wasn't very effective.
Feliciano could only stare dumbfounded at the ruckus Ludwig and the rest of the Student Council was causing. He would normally expect that sort of thing from his quick-to-anger-slow-to-defuse brother, but not Ludwig Beilschmidt, model high school student/perfect human being. Even with Feli and several other students staring at the display of magic tricks gone horribly wrong, the group they willingly put in charge to represent the student body and ensure things at World Academy ran smoothly were causing a train wreck. It was times like this Feliciano liked to remember a Polish proverb he learned from his friend Feliks…
"Not my circus… Not my monkeys…"
And with that, he hurried out of the hallway and towards his locker.
oOo
The Student Council wasn't getting any closer to finding the missing flag. There were no witnesses of the key going missing in the 30 minutes Miss Thomassen was out of the office and the security tapes were equally unhelpful. The camera monitoring the display case itself had gone dark and none of the advanced video programs on Kiku's computer could make up for the poor positioning of the security cameras in the main office. Part of the footage was obscured by the front desk blocking the path to the secretary's desk, but anyone of average height still should have shown up entering or exiting the main door or side door. The main door never opened or closed, whereas the side door was accidentally left open by the part-time secretary delivering some papers after Miss Thomassen left for her break.
"I want to tear that front desk in half…" Alfred groaned.
"I want to do the school a favor and readjust all of their security cameras…" Kiku buried his face in his hands after he'd failed to learn anything via shadows or reflections because of the abysmal angle of the footage.
"I want to know why we keep getting stuck with these bullshit assignments," Lovino frowned.
"But if we don't find the peacock flag, who will, Lovi?"
"It's percale," Ludwig calmly corrected him.
After Kasem forwarded them the list of excused students with access to the hallways during the robbery, they tried splitting up to cover more ground – Alfred, Lovino, and Ludwig in one group, with Arthur, Kiku, and Roderich in the other. On the outside, it would seem they were trying to distribute the deduction abilities evenly. Alfred could find people qualified to give clues, Ludwig could make sure they were telling the truth, and Lovino could play Sherlock and take it all in. In the other group, Arthur and Roderich could intimidate stubborn people into answering with different techniques (they were more of a Bad Cop–Bad Cop combination). Roderich could threaten others with write-ups to the Headmaster, while Arthur could show off his winning personality traits of anger and impatience. Kiku could keep them both in line and read the mind of whomever they were questioning to determine if the person was innocent or hiding something.
…Or at least that's what Kiku told the others. In reality, it was to split up certain combos that wouldn't end well. Granted, there were still a few unhappy members in each group, but Kiku did the best with what he had to work with.
"We should begin with interviewing the individuals working on the cafeteria project," Ludwig suggested, already taking the initiative and leading the 'Alpha Dog Team Woof' (Alfred's idea, not his) down the main hallway.
"Only if we want to waste our time," Lovino scoffed. "We should be headed back to the main office to look for clues in all the camera blindspots."
"That's completely out of the way," the German frowned. "We need to make the most of the time we have before the special guests arrive and search the flag itself. Elizabeta's workers may have seen something and Roderich already informed me that his team would cover the main office in detail after interviewing the maintenance staff."
"There's not going to be anything there besides headaches and Elizabeta going postal," the Italian shot back. "And Roderich's a bitch-ass liar!"
Alfred already started to feel the beginnings of his own headache. Normally, he trusted Kiku with just about anything, but he was seriously questioning these group arrangements now. Lovino and Ludwig couldn't agree on a single thing and he felt caught in the middle between the moody consulting detective and the living lie detector. Naturally, he was more inclined to agree with Lovi, but Ludwig's a smart guy with good points too (despite the German's apparent confusion about the peacock). He had no idea what to do…
oOo
Across the school, Kiku was finding himself in a similar boat. Arthur and Roderich were bickering among themselves the entire time. Rather than arguing like an old married couple, they were shouting at each other like an unhappily divorced couple, desperately in need of a restraining order. The Japanese boy had given up trying to mediate a long time ago.
"Sir, could you please tell us what you know about the school flag?" Kiku asked the head of the maintenance crew.
"Sure, I'd be happy to hel—"
"And do be quick about it, we're on a tight schedule," Arthur cut off the smiling man.
"Okay, I'm—"
"If you're lying to us, I'll write you up to the Headmaster!" Roderich interrupted, not wanting to be outdone by a Kirkland.
"Um…"
"He's a staff member, not a student, you wanker," the tsundere rolled his eyes. "You can't tattle on him like you would a student."
"I can do as I please," huffed the Austrian. "I have the best interest of the school in mind. You're just an angry teenager coming off too strong."
"You think I'm coming off too strong?!" Arthur was furious. "You're the one trying to hand out detentions to staff members!"
They did very little to assist Kiku in gaining any kind of relevant answers. It was impossible to search the man's thoughts for any secret information because the interviewee was fearing for his safety more than covering up a hidden agenda. Kiku eventually started sending his team off to round up other unsuspecting interview victims while he questioned the worried maintenance man. He managed to learn that only the Headmaster and his personal secretary had access to the flag. There was no other key to unlock that display case, even among the custodial staff. It truly was a break-in, as they had all suspected. He also learned the security camera in the hallway the flag was displayed in (and surrounding areas) had not been tampered with. There was no footage because several of the cameras were being updated and turned off in the process. The Japanese boy had planned to ask him a few more questions, but was cut off when his associates returned and started scaring the middle-aged maintenance man again with their fascinating display of personifying oil and water.
It was a welcome relief when the Student Council Advisor had to leave for piano lessons.
"So Kiku, what do you honestly think of our chances of finding the flag before the visitors arrive?" Arthur asked.
"It's hard to say…" the Secretary trailed off, but took some peace in the fact that the tsundere was much more pleasant when Roderich wasn't around. "I think it's time to contact Feliks about working on a back-up flag."
"Several of the special guests had a hand in creating it," Arthur reminded him, as Kiku pulled out his phone. "If they inspect it closely, they would no doubt be able to tell it was a fake."
"Yes, but if we can keep it at a distance, Feliks has the skills to pull it off."
"Let's just hope it doesn't come to that…"
"Agreed."
oOo
By Friday, the disappearing flag case had grown serious. Each member of the Student Council was given an all-day pass out of class just to search for the piece of fabric driving everyone out of their mind. Someone had to be appointed to give the school tour for the VIPs while the Student Council worked behind the scenes to wrap up the flag incident nicer than a present on Christmas morning.
And that someone was Feliciano Vargas.
"V-Ve? You want me to show them around?"
"Yes, you're the only one available with a good understanding of the school, welcoming personality, and the same last name as someone else actually on the Council, however rude that person may be," Roderich explained.
"You can't expect him to lie about his identity…" Ludwig gave the Austrian a stern look. Even if it didn't sit well with Ludwig to have his friend lie, Feliciano was a terrible liar to begin with.
"Of course not, but if they ask…" Roderich trailed off, unwilling to admit that he may have promised the tour group a Student Council member would personally give the tour.
"If they ask, tell them that you are one of our top students in terms of academics, clubs, and leadership, all of which you are, Feliciano," Kasem smiled warmly. "I'm sure we can leave this important task in your very capable hands, yes?"
"I-I'll do my best…" he gulped.
Suddenly, it became his monkeys.
Feliciano dutifully met the group of five members of society's elite by the front gate of the academy with Kasem. As the three men and two women approached, the worried Italian tried to take a deep breath. He still couldn't believe they appointed him into such a nerve-wracking position. Roderich and Ludwig had done nothing but worry him all morning by stressing how important making a good impression was to the school's future.
V-Ve…What if I screw up and they don't want to fund the school anymore? Everyone would have to leave and be so sad! And Nonno would be angry! I think he was friends with them…What if I lose one of them?! Or they fall down the stairs and break a hip! Or…or—
"Welcome to World Academy," Kasem shook hands and exchanged hugs. After the obligatory small talk and queries about how the business/family/29 cats were doing, the Thai man introduced his quivering student. "This is Feliciano Vargas, one of our best and brightest. He will be showing you around today, so I leave you in his capable hands."
The Headmaster bowed slightly and took his leave.
oOo
Normally, Feliciano was very proud of his school. He loved the diversity and the quirks of all the students who went there. Feli was very open-minded, so he never thought twice about some of the strange habits of student and faculty alike. To him, everyone brought their own special flavor to the stew that was their school, and variety was the spice of life. He believed everybody made World Academy a fun and happy place to be.
Today was not that day.
The Italian had spent the majority of the tour, finding ways to avoid the whack-jobs who popped up everywhere to ruin the guided tour of World Academy: Leading Institution for Talent, Gifted, and Sane.
"Let's go visit the Art Department!" he exclaimed, trying to hide the fact he was beginning to sweat.
"Can we see the Social Studies Department first?" one of the little old ladies asked. "That's where I met my husband."
Feliciano took one glance down the hallway to see the quirky Romanian professor carting a half-dead looking Bulgarian co-worker around in a wheelbarrow, most likely after another occult project gone bad. Nostalgic women and true love aside, there was no way in hell he was taking them down that hallway. Feliciano quickly blocked her view of the weirdos and gestured to something else.
"Uh, actually, they're doing some renovations that way," the Italian quickly explained. "It's kind of a big project, but I can take you there another day! Speaking of big projects, I think you'll really like the Renaissance project we're working on in art class! Let's go see it, shall we?"
As luck would have it, the old-timers were impressed with his knowledge of 15th Century painters and sculptors. Feli was able to lead them away from Professor Serban (who had now started cackling in the distance). He even managed to steer them clear of a pair of SHIP club members not-so-secretly stalking Tino and Berwald. Explaining their bizarre 'hallway locker camouflage' was not something he was prepared to do. Once they'd arrived at the art display, Feliciano relaxed. Here, he was able to relax. The art wing was a calming place where he could drop his guard and—
"Good heavens! Is that young man strangling that other boy?" gasped one of the VIPs, pointing a hand towards the large windows.
"O-Of course not!" Feliciano laughed nervously, trying to draw the curtains on Lukas throttling Matthias with his own tie. "It…It's a skit the Drama Club has been putting together…about alternative uses for school ties!"
"Alternative uses for what?"
"I-I mean, Bullying Awareness! Hehe, they like to practice out in the open to get better audience reactions!"
"I suppose that makes sense…" one of the gentleman stroked his beard. "Fascinating."
Feliciano managed to lead them out of the Art rooms and into the Music Department with slightly less trouble (he was fairly certain none of the guests had seen Carlos Machado, the Cuban marketing instructor angrily tossing a student's McDonald's snack into the garbage of the outdoors café). Inside the main concert hall, Roderich had even arranged for a small group of Music Honor Students to put on a brief show. One rendition of Ave Maria later and the misty-eyed VIPs forgot all about Feli's frantic efforts to lock a curious Yong Soo out of the concert hall.
"So, is there anything you want to see in particular?" he asked after they'd walked through much of the main floor.
"Oh, I would love to meet the current Student Council!" one of the women beamed.
"Indeed!" another seconded the motion. "We were all on Student Council back in the day, so it would be a real treat to meet the current generation of World Academy's finest leaders!"
"Y-You were all officers?" the young Italian felt another wave of fear wash over his body.
"Yes, we all served on it throughout our time at World Academy," the pudgy man beamed with pride. "Some of us for multiple terms!"
"Of course you did…" the amber-eyed boy laughed weakly, fighting the urge to cry.
Feliciano was trying to figure out when his job changed from showing off the school's sights to keeping the special guests away from the crazies.
oOo
Keep everyone away from the VIPs!
Feli's desperate text reached his older brother in no time. Lovino wasn't going to let them pin his officers tendency to screw up everything at the worst possible moment on him. Like any good Police Commissioner, he gave each officer a useful job and didn't tell them it was actually to hide them from the high society visitors. He addressed them before returning to his search and rescue team consisting of his crush and his enemy.
"But shouldn't we be there to back Feli up?" Antonio asked.
"I'm sure we could help win them over with ease…" the blonde flipped his hair back.
"Yeah, the Awesome Me wants to see what the big stink about those geezers is!" Gilbert crossed his arms. "We don't roll out the red carpet for just anyone…"
"Hmm, that's fine," Lovino made a note on his pad of paper. "I'll just reassign one of the others to keep an eye on Matthew in the event somebody acts up in the library and ignores him while it's his turn to run the front desk."
"Screw the geezers, I'm outta here!" the albino cheered. "I bet Birdie's already in the library! Catch ya later, losers!"
Lovino rolled his eyes. Even if a battle royale broke out in the non-fiction section, Matthew would be fine. Hell could freeze over and the little bookworm would still find a way to calmly and efficiently evacuate the building and provide winter survival books to everyone. Sending Gil to his 'Birdie' was actually a ploy to have Matthew keep an eye on Gilbert and keep him out of trouble.
"And what is my task to be, mon ami?" Francis gestured to himself with an air of importance.
"You're on kitchen duty," the Commissioner replied. "I need you to supervise the culinary arts wing…and keep your boyfriend from sabotaging the VIP meal."
"Oui, I can do that," Francis nodded approvingly at the task, raising an eyebrow suggestively. "Do I have permission to use force on Arthur, if needed?"
"As long as you don't get caught making out in the janitor's closet, I don't give a shit."
The blonde happily trotted off in the direction of the kitchens. Lovino knew he would undoubtedly keep himself occupied for hours by bragging about his culinary skills to anyone in the vicinity. Even if Arthur didn't show up to distract the pervert, he'd be entertained and out of the way.
"Where do I get to go, Lovi?"
"The field," he answered. "There's a mentoring program meet-up there today, so you can go help out with that. Don't let those brats get out of line and make us all look bad."
"You got it!" Antonio saluted him, before taking off.
Little did Antonio know the field was specifically being used in a football game. All of the little twerps from the elementary school and all of their annoying high school mentors were playing in it today. It was the perfect combination for the Spaniard – his favorite people (cute kids) and his favorite sport (football). The tomato bastard would undoubtedly end up spotting some kid on the sidelines to encourage and eventually get dragged onto the field by the other ankle-biters, where he'd be stuck for at least an hour…not that Antonio would mind. He loved playing big brother.
By separating the Bad Touch Trio, they would lose a great deal of their potential to pull pranks today. Granted, the amount of hell they raised had gone down drastically since Alfred and Gilbert's bet…but it was better to be safe than sorry. Who said he couldn't properly manage his minions? Lovino stared at the empty office and smirked.
"Job well-fucking-done…"
oOo
The crack team of Alfred, Lovino, and Ludwig was coming up with nothing after interviewing their half of the excused, absent, and 'absent' students from yesterday. Absolutely none of them qualified to help with the investigation according to Alfred's Iris. They had gone through the entire list and didn't turn up a single clue. Ludwig was frustrated with all the liars they'd encountered and the fact that they had no leads to show for it. Lovino was annoyed that they still hadn't returned to search the main office again because of how ridiculously long every interview had gone. Alfred was just trying to keep the peace.
"Thanks for your time, dude," the blonde pleasantly dismissed their final person of interest.
"No problem, guys. Good luck!" the freshman carefully shut the door behind him upon leaving the Student Council room. He couldn't wait to start texting his girlfriend about how they had the Iron Throne from Game of Thrones in the meeting room.
"I told you bastards we should have gone back to the office…" Lovino leaned back in his chair with a scowl.
"Perhaps, if you had been more agreeable during the interview process we would have been done sooner," Ludwig replied. The Italian hadn't even tried to help speed things up, claiming it was too boring for him to even bother.
"I know I should respect your opinion, but it's difficult because you're a fucking idiot."
"C'mon guys, there's still a chance we can find the flag before the special guests get to the cafeteria for dinner," Alfred tried to prevent yet another argument between the two.
Despite the President's cheerful front, Lovino was beginning to realize how exhausted Alfred was feeling. He couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Alfred really was too nice for his own good. In the subway car that the tsundere officers spent the entire time bickering in, Alfred would have been the one singing 'Happy' to the baby just because it was crying.
"Fine…I'll focus on finding the stupid flag...but don't expect me to get along with that damned potato-muncher!" Lovino finally stopped picking fights with Ludwig long enough to focus on the task given to him. He closed his eyes and went over all the clues and observations made so far.
"Thank you, Lovi. That's all I ask of yo—"
"Miss Thomassen's step-sister has the flag."
"What? Seriously?!" Alfred exclaimed. "The kid has it?"
"How'd you figure it out so quickly?" Ludwig asked, astonished. Exactly how much effort had the surly Italian spent on berating him when he should have been solving their dilemma? "We could have been done yesterday!"
Lovino just glared at him.
"Well, what's done is done," the President shrugged. "Let's just meet up with the others and find this peacock!"
"For the last time, it's percale not a peacock!" the German snapped. He was about to question the amount of unwavering certainty Alfred placed in Lovino's seemingly random suspect, but knew his words would fall on deaf ears. The American was already dragging the complaining brunette off towards the main entrance. Ludwig sighed. "Well…I suppose he was right about the other cases…let's just hope he's right about this one too…"
oOo
Upon meeting the rest of the officers, Lovino explained why he believed the school's missing flag had ended up in the sticky fingers of the spiky-haired little girl.
"She was the only one with access to the main office who didn't draw attention and was short," he explained, assuming they would be able to figure out the rest on their own.
Kiku and Arthur's eyes widened slightly in realization, but Alfred and Ludwig were still in the dark.
"What does that have to do with anything?" the German was skeptical.
"Her height allowed her to make use of the blindspots and walk past the poorly aimed cameras unseen and undetected, potato bastard," scoffed the Police Commissioner. "The Headmaster didn't seem all that surprised to see her on a day the Mentorship program met, which means Dana has probably visited enough times for her to know where to find everything on her step-sister's desk from crayons to keys."
The group considered turning back to the office to track her down, but Alfred had a different idea.
"Wait, do you guys remember when we met her yesterday?" he asked. "She was really looking forward to those pandekager …"
"So?" his cousin asked.
"So, if I was in her shoes, I'd go find some myself instead of wait for an adult to bring them to me."
"You're innate ability to think like a little girl astounds me, but I suppose you might be onto something…" Arthur smirked.
They managed to track her down at the outdoor café, munching on a sweet roll she had no doubt pilfered from the nearby kitchens. Cautiously, they approached, for the 50 year old school flag was tied around her shoulders like a cape. One wrong move and Dana may drop her snack on the fabric and permanently stain it.
"Hiya, guys! Did you catch the bad guys?" the little girl asked, unaware that she was the 'bad guy' they were hunting down. "I found some treats! If you don't tell Petra, I'll share some with you!"
"No thank you," Ludwig walked over to the tinier blonde. "We are actually here for the flag you're…uh, wearing."
"This isn't a flag, it's my new blankie, silly!" she smiled, showing off her adorable little dimples.
"Dana, we need that flag," the German became stern. "You will give back immediately."
"It's not a flag!" the little girl insisted, angry tears forming in her eyes. "It's…my…BLANKIE!"
Dana kicked him in the shin with a surprising amount of force and darted around him. She ran off, upset that the meanie boys were trying to take away her new 'blankie' and refused to stop for anything. Despite coming from a wealthy upbringing, little Dana was quite the tomboy and climbed a nearby tree with the same ease as a jungle gym.
"Dana, get down here this instant!" Ludwig shouted up at her, his mood not improving any with her sticking her tongue out at them. "I mean it! Climb down now!"
"You can't make me!" she blew another raspberry.
Before the German could make things worse, Alfred took over.
"You're right!" He called up the tree. "With that blankie at your side, we don't stand a chance!"
"Alfred, what are you doing? That's no way to discipline a misbehaving child," Ludwig hissed at him.
"Shh, just let him," Arthur interrupted. "Remember his talent of being able to think like a five year old girl."
Somehow, Alfred managed to continue without shooting his cousin a dirty look.
"See, Dana? We give up! We can't compete with you!" he smiled. "But you were super-strong without that blankie giving you power! Since you don't need it to be strong, can we have it back, please?"
"Hmm…" the little Danish girl considered it. After another moment, she broke into a big grin. "Only if you dance for me!"
"…What?"
"I'll give it back if you dance for me!"
With the antique flag draped precariously over her shoulders, they had little choice. Alfred quickly grabbed a very surprised Lovino's hand and began spinning the Italian around in a waltz/salsa-type fashion. Lovino had some choice words for his impromptu dance partner that he muttered under his breath, but fell in step with the blonde when he realized resistance was futile. The others reluctantly followed suit. Arthur expertly moved his feet to the beat he could hear in his head. Kiku swiftly launched himself into a martial arts kata. And Ludwig? Ludwig brought back the aggressive chicken dancing.
Dana nearly fell out of the tree from laughing so hard. Several students cheered on their wacky Student Council's ability to bust a move while others clutched their sides from laughing themselves half to death. Across the courtyard, another group of individuals also found the sight interesting.
"What on earth are we witnessing?" asked one of the ladies Feliciano had been showing around.
"That blonde on the far left is especially odd…might he be having a seizure?"
Feliciano didn't know how to answer. All he knew was that he had to hide the fact that those crazies dancing around the tree are the newest members of the World Academy Student Council.
"I've never seen anything like this in my entire life…" one of the men took off his glasses in disbelief.
"Could it be some kind of new religion?" another VIP tilted his head to the side.
"Y-Yes!" Feli jumped onto that answer. "That's exactly what it is. World Academy welcomes everyone, as you know."
His heart sank when the visitors started asking him for information on the new religion. The youngest Vargas wasn't sure how to answer. He looked at Ludwig's glare for guidance.
"It…It's…Doitsuism."
They started asking about the teachings and customs of Doitsuism. Feliciano promptly made crap up, as well as the slogan 'Shine bright, like a Doitsu.'
oOo
At the banquet dinner, the recently reacquired flag was proudly displayed in the center of the room, as if it had been there all along. It brought tears to the elderly visitors' eyes to see it again after all these years. Kasem couldn't blame them. He was certain he would have been the one crying if it wasn't there.
All of the special guests were thoroughly impressed with the World Academy of the current generation. They boasted about the fine tour Feliciano had given and ended up singing Kasem's praises for a solid hour over dinner. In fact, the five visitors were so pleased with the school; they each decided to double their donation. Once they had finally gone home, everyone released a sigh of relief. It was a miracle they made it through that at all.
"Sir, why did you entrust such a big task to the Student Council officers and Feliciano?" asked Petra.
"Ah, well, they all share the same dream of making the school a good place, so I knew I could trust them," he said with absolute certainty.
Kasem's Iris could see 'compatibility' via puzzle pieces. If a person's puzzle piece fit well with another's, it meant they would work well together in general. If it fit together and formed the same picture, it meant that set of people shared the same dream and were very compatible as friends or partners.
He couldn't have chosen a better group if he tried.
oOo
Truthfully, the only person to leave the banquet area unhappy was Alfred. He had shown up to introduce himself to the VIPs, but was stopped by his twin brother. Matthew told him that the cafeteria was off-limits to him.
"But everybody else got to go!" he pouted.
"None of the other officers got to go," Matthew sighed. "Feliciano told his brother how the guests saw you all acting like lunatics by the tree, so Lovino asked Gilbert and I to keep all of you out of the banquet."
"I bet you guys got to eat the yummy food…" Alfred frowned as his brother steered him away from the delicious smelling room. He only complied because it had been Lovi's request.
"Th-That's beside the point!" Matthew turned a little pink. It was true he and his boyfriend may or may not have been given a platter of World Academy's finest desserts. As if on cue, Gilbert popped his head out of the main entrance and walked over to the brothers.
"Oh, look," the President grumbled. "Here comes Captain Awesome…"
"Please don't call him that."
"Okay!" the albino strode over with a plate of goodies. "I grabbed some snacks for Herr Präsident and they are awesome!"
"You…You brought me snacks?" Alfred was touched.
"Sure, couldn't have you starve after all the crap you guys went through this afternoon," Gilbert shrugged. "I can't believe I missed the dance-off. Kesesese!"
The blue-eyed boy snatched the plate and barely had time to thank him before snarfing up the nearest cookie. Gilbert had brought a variety of treats for him to sample. It got Alfred to thinking he wasn't such a bad guy, after all…
"And we have one more thing for you," Matthew reached into his pocket.
"My phone!" Alfred cheered when it was placed in his hand. "I didn't even notice it was missing! Thanks, bro!"
"Don't mention it…"
Way back in middle school, the blonde brothers were given cellphones as a present on their first day. It didn't take Alfred long to constantly lose his. When they got into high school and upgraded, it became more of a problem to keep losing his phone. In their search for a solution, the twins found out about Bluetooth stickers. Those babies could attach to just about anything – keys, dog tags, TV remotes, and most importantly – phones. If any of those went missing, the Bluetooth sticker could be tracked with a handy smartphone app. To this day, the only reason Alfred hadn't spent a fortune on new phones was because his brother was always able to track it with his own phone.
Appeased for the moment, Alfred promised not to crash the banquet and went to his locker instead. His fingers spun over the dial quickly. If he hurried, he might be able to catch Lovino and walk part of the way home with him. Grinning, Alfred pulled open the locker door to find a large, white envelope inside.
"What's this?" he wondered out loud, tearing open the side to read the contents of the letter.
Dearest Alfred,
I've been watching you for days, weeks, and months. You only grow more wonderful over time. I wanted to tell you this in person, but am very shy and have to settle for watching you from afar every time I try to voice my love for you.
I still remember the first time I met you at a school football game. You had split a hot dog with your brother. I know because I kept the wrapper as a memento. I love to watch you. I could stare at you all day long. I love to see your serious face, your sleepy face, and your confused face. Most of all, I love to see your happy face. You make me feel so safe, so warm. I want to crawl up inside you. No one understands you like I do. I know you probably hear this every day, but I'm you're biggest fan. We should be together. I love you Alfred.
Your Secret Admirer
Alfred wasn't sure what to make of the letter at first, so he figured it was most likely a prank. He couldn't remember exactly, but vaguely recalled splitting a hot dog with Mattie at a World Academy game the year before they enrolled. Either the prankster was a lucky guesser or knew him – Matthew or Arthur, maybe? The Hero made a mental note to ask the next time he saw them.
His family had the weirdest sense of humor ever.
oOo
A/N – So I was looking for a crazy Hetalia-related religion and discovered Doitsuism way back when I was outlining this… XD Still not sure I understand it, but perhaps Doitsuism isn't meant to be fully understood…
-Rajikka
Translations
Fratello – Brother (It.)
Tsundere – A type of character seen in anime or manga known for appearing cold or hostile, but having a hidden sweet side. "Tsun Tsun" is the aloof or irritable side, while "Dere Dere" is the lovey dovey side. (Jp.)
Bastardo – Bastard (It.)
Hej – Hello (Dan.)
Dana Thomassen – Made-up name for fem!chibiDenmark, using another of the fanon surnames of Norway's that Himaruya stated he liked (but hasn't made canon yet). The Dana part comes from Old Danish for "Dane" or "Danish" (Dana being the feminine form of Dan/DanR). I wasn't terribly creative with this one ^^; (Dan.)
Petra Thomassen – Made-up name for fem!Norway. Petra is the feminine form of Petrus (Lat. "stone" or "rock") and was popular in 19th century Norway. Thomassen is a surname Himaruya liked for Norway, but never made canon.
Oui - Yes (Fr.)
Herr Präsident – Mr. President (Ger.)