CHAPTER TWELVE: ANGELS FALL
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"I don't want to alarm anyone, but I THINK we're literally walking toward Hell's front door."
"And thank you Evony for once again pointing out the obvious." Kenzi snorts under her breath.
"Are we supposed to swim through that?" Mark's question nearly overlapping Kenzi's words.
"What are you thinking babe?"
"I'm thinking we should have packed wetsuits." The uncertainty in my voice hidden by a chuckle. At least I had hoped it was, the look she gives me tells me otherwise. "I'm thinking," Trailing off, turning my head to face her as I reach out, taking her hand in my own. "That IF this is the last moment I will ever have to tell you I love you, I don't want to miss it."
"Bo…"
"And that I am thankful for every moment I've gotten to be with you."
"If you die," Her voice breaks, fingers slipping in between mine as she gives a hard squeeze. "I will kill you myself."
"Um…I'm pretty sure there's a fault in that logic."
"There's never a fault in my logic."
"No, this time I'm pretty sure there is."
"No Bo, there isn't. See I would just have to bring you back…"
"And then kill me?" Snorted chuckle escaping.
"Exactly." She nods, jerking my arm with a surprising amount of force. I would have let out an 'ow' or something to that effect had I not found myself pressed up against her. Her eyes holding mine and I forget to breathe for a moment. "Then I would just have to bring you back again, because I cannot live without you Bo Dennis. I refuse."
I try to think of something perfect to say. Something that didn't just sound like I was saying it because that's what you do when someone says something so romantic. I try to think of something to say that's funny, the way I can do that makes her laugh in the hardest of moments. I try to find any words at all. My eyes shift from her to the group, attention getting caught on the joining of Mark and Vex's hands. The way Evony has her arm wrapped around Theo's as he leans into her. The way Ayesha rests her hand on Kenzi's shoulder. The way Dyson stands tall amongst them, weakened and alone in a way, yet stoic as ever.
Small smile creeping its way onto my lips as I meet her eyes once again. Maybe I can't find the words simply because there is nothing left to say. Maybe sometimes it's what's left unsaid that says it all. A simple touch or glance can do just fine. Brushing my nose gently against hers once and then twice until I pull the faintest of smiles. "There is it." I whisper against her lips, stealing the softest of kisses.
Taking a deep breath, trying to hold onto this single moment. This feeling of safety and assurance, I step away. One last smile flashed her way, cautiously reaching out my foot to confirm my theory, the lake is solid ice. Nodding my head I let the group slowly begin to pass me. Each step cautious, but they're ready, I can tell. I've seen this walk before, the walk to battle. They're ready.
"Dyson," My hand hits his chest, stopping him just as he reaches me. For a moment, we stand still letting the others get a fair distance ahead of us. "Are you prepared to do this?"
"I promised you." He nearly snarls his words, about all he does towards me now.
"Hey," I whisper unintentionally, stepping in front of him as my hand cups his cheek. It wasn't meant to be as intimate as it is. But maybe it's a 'happy-accident', because for once when he looks down into my eyes I know he's listening and not just hearing me. "I chose you because I trust you to lead them. I chose you because I know you will do what needs to be done."
"Not because I owe you?" His jaw quivers slightly and as much as I hate to admit it, it actually hurts a bit. Damn forgiveness, pain in my ass.
"I trust you." Smiling gently I pull my hand away. "And if this doesn't show that to you, I don't know what will." Stepping away from him, I start towards the group. Lauren's managed to fall back enough that it doesn't take long to reach her. She says something and this is the first time in a long time that I'm not hanging on her every word. Theo looking over his shoulder at me, giving me a nod. A simple gesture that seals the fate of tonight. "What?"
"I said that when I was encouraging you to forgive him there was an unspoken limitation."
"What?" My eyebrow raising as I look over at her. "Doctor Lewis, are you jealous right now?"
"No, I am simply iterating aloud that while I want you to forgive him, there is a limitation."
"Wow. This really is like old times."
"Thin ice Bo." Her eyes drop down to the ground, jaw clenching. "No pun intended."
"We march toward impending doom. Dyson completely heroic but still a massive ass. You by my side, jealous of Dyson…completely ignoring the fact that you're all I see. Exactly like old times."
"Exactly, hm?"
"Exactly."
Dyson's voice earns our attention, the group coming to a collective halt. I guess I should be worried we're all going to fall into the…lake, but something tells me that's the least likely scenario coming our way. Stepping through the crowd to the front I find myself staring at the mouth of the cave, an unusual amount of light radiating from it. Either hell's been opened already or he's having one hell of a bonfire.
Tensing my back I feel the holster of my sword shift. Here goes nothing. Taking a breath and unnecessarily holding it, I lead us into the depth of the cave. Funny how something can be right in front of you for years and you never notice it. Not really. Kind of like how you never really know a person. Not really.
The path grows narrow and once a widespread group becomes bottled up. Lauren behind my right shoulder. Theo and Evony right behind her. Ayesha in the rear. The warm light flickers over the rocky walls. It doesn't take long before we come to an open area and lo and behold, there's brother dearest. Dagny tied to some wooden beam right beside him, her hands above her head. If I wasn't quite so aware of the stakes I would have had to laugh, it was all so…cliché.
"Right on time." He smiles at me, that smile that lets me know he knows he's already won. "And exactly how I predicted it down to every last detail."
"Should have been a party planner." I shrug, taking two steps forward. "Or a fortune teller. You have the whole creepy, wouldn't mind ripping off little old ladies vibe going for you."
"Keep it coming," He lifts his arms up and out, four fingers on each hand waving back and forth as if encouraging me to continue. His laugh echoing off the walls as does the light. "I've allotted time for this. Bo and her need for subpar banter."
"Thought of everything then."
"You were off failing at life, I was plotting every detail of this. My time was better spent."
"So…you already know how this is going to go then?"
"I do." He nods, stepping away from Dagny. "The Calvary, the mighty mighty heroes show up, ready to fight the good fight until their last breaths."
"Mm-hm." I nod, taking another two steps. Any more than two at a time and it will cause them to follow. "Then we fight. We lose someone. We seem as though we've lost and then bam! Good triumphs over evil once again. Least that's how it's always seemed to go."
"So cliché."
"So very much cliché." I laugh, another two steps. "But clichés are clichés for a reason. They're classics, right?"
"Well, then in the spirit of the classics…how about we keep it all the same…except for the ending?"
"The good triumphing over evil? Um…no I think that is the part that HAS to stay the same."
"I suppose what HAS to happen is all in the discretion of the writer of the story, and well Bo, I am the writer of this story."
"That remains to be seen."
"You're too late, the gate is already opening. Any minute it will and well, then we'll see whose version of this story really is going to come to life."
"Oh," I nod, keeping a smirk on my face as I watch the tear in reality begin to grow beside him. Honestly, once you've seen one portal you've seen them all. Rips in reality. Flashy lights. Lots of noise. Wind or no wind, in this case, no wind. "I'm counting on it."
"Just out of curiosity, which part were you expecting to change?"
"What?"
"When you were saying," He trails off, curious smile swallowing up his face. "Are you stalling for something?"
"Am I?" I pull off the holster, one hand gripping it tightly while the other does the same to the handle. His eyes moving from my face to what's in my hands.
I don't pray very often, hardly at all, but this entire time a little voice in the back of my mind hasn't stopped praying. This playing out the one scenario in which was in my favor was all dependent on one thing. Timing. To be exact, perfect timing. Athletes have practices. Musicians have rehearsal. Dozens of dozens of times to practice getting that one moment right. There's no rehearsals for this.
Seizing the moment. The perfect moment. Or at least what I deem perfect I yell out "Now!" Throwing the blade at him and he does as I had hoped. Reaching out, catching it leaving his body unprotected. A complete full run toward him, shoulder hitting his stomach as my arms wrap around his body tightly. The rip in reality just now the size of a small pantry door.
At first I feel nothing. Followed by a complete and utterly indescribable stillness. I know I went in. Face first, my back to my family, but somehow I can see them. See them all as I fall into nothingness. They're moving in slow motion, each movement dragged out before my eyes as I fall deeper. Lauren's screaming. I can't hear her, but I see her. She's fighting so hard against Theo, Evony and Vex as they pull her back. Kenzi, Ayesha and Mark running toward Dagny. Dyson moves in front of Lauren and I can't see her anymore.
Doesn't matter much now…it's all fading away.
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"You did this!" His voice pulling me toward consciousness as dose the pain spreading through the left side of my face. "Look what you did!"
My arms manage to get up in between us, his fist mercilessly hammering down on my forearms. Sting of the pain something new, something unfamiliar. Head turned, eyes barely able to be kept open as blood trickles down from some cut or gash. His weight unusually heavy atop of me, my feet kicking at the ground. I should have been able to get out from underneath him already.
His hands wrap around my wrists, pulling my arms apart. He's glaring down at me with this frightening look of rage. Of fear, and that scares me more than the fact I'm losing this fight so far. Letting go of my wrists he grabs the collar of my jacket, slamming me down against the ground so many times I lose count. He's too preoccupied to realize I'm no longer pushing against his chest. Hands pulling at his belt. Damn Lauren and her lack of belt wearing, I'm out of practice.
Pulling the belt from his pants with minimal effort once it's unbuckled he takes notice. Dropping me, he looks down between us. It's only a few measly seconds but it's a welcomed relief. His attention following the belt as I toss it out beside us.
"Well that was pointless, wasn't it?" He smirks, laughing at me almost.
It's all about perfect timing. The moment his head turns just enough toward me, I bring my palm up into his nose. The blood gushing over my hand near instantaneously. The snap of his bones accompanied by a scream of pain as he falls off me. Lesser men that would have died instantly, damn. Rolling over to the belt, one hand grabbing it as the other pushes against the ground. Legs like jelly as I stumble toward him, wrapping the leather around my hand twice, just enough to get a good hold of it.
"Not really." Blood spilling from my lips, filling my mouth. He's still rolling on the floor, hands over his face. I should leave him be. I should back away.
Instead I swing the belt at him, the buckle landing hard enough I hear a pop. And then again and again and again. He rolls onto his stomach, trying to crawl away, but I can't seem to stop myself. I'm sure the belt is going to snap any second, but it holds on and in some sick way I take it as a sign it's not enough yet.
Arm growing tired. Legs growing weaker, I step over him. Kneeling down so my knees dig into the ground, tightly straddling his lower back. Being my brother and all this should never be a position I find myself in, but the awkwardness I know should be there is missing in this moment. There's nothing in this moment other than rage. Wrapping the belt around his throat, grabbing hold of the bloody buckle as I pull back.
"Look at what YOU did!" Yelling as I pull just enough to hurt, but not enough to kill. My eyes moving over the abyss of nothingness awaiting us. Hands beginning to tremble in fear. Fear of this place, of myself. "You did this! Not me!"
Letting go I roll off of him, throwing myself on the ground in fear if I don't do it now, I might lose what's left of my restraint. He coughs, gasping for air all the while choking on his own blood. I can't muster up enough guilt to feel sorry so I just stare up into the infinite blackness.
Besides, we're already in hell…it's not like we can get any deader.
I think.
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"You should have finished it." He groans, nuzzling himself further into the corner of our little cave like a wounded animal. He's healing even slower than I am. I guess here they can tell his power is borrowed, whoever 'they' are. "You never could make the hard calls."
"What do you think me being here is Kostas? A vacation?" Snorting, wrapping my arms tighter around myself. "Newsflash, not a huge fan of spelunking."
"More humor, yey." A cough cuts him off, burring his face deeper into the corner. He's ashamed to let me see him like this. Not ashamed of his actions, but that I see him weak. Real humanitarian my brother turned out to be. Who would have thought I would be the functional one in the family. "Amuse me some more."
"Why don't you just rest and let me sit in silence."
Turning my head away from him, I stare out into the darkness. Its night, or at least what I've dubbed night. It's not like it ever gets light here, sunbathing has been taken off my list of hobbies. But there's a period of time when I can see the caves across from us. Sometimes I'm tempted to yell out, call for someone else. But there's a rumbling that's woken me before that keeps me from doing so. Kostas says it's in my head, but there's something there. I know it.
This was supposed to be a hell. I assumed fire and brimstone with a splash of demons, but there's just nothing on top of nothing. Everything is so empty. We wandered for…well I'm not sure how long, but a while before we came to a massive enclosure. It's like a million mini caves in the walls of a large cave. Sometimes it gets cold, but not really. It's never like we're freezing, but rather this chill that seeps into your bones and rests there.
We should move, but he's in no condition and if I'm honest, neither am I. I want to freak out that it's taking so long to heal, but I don't know how long it's been. That seems to be the funny thing about this place, everything seems to last forever while not seeming that long at all.
Nothing is right here.
I want to leave him, let him fend for himself. If anyone deserves to be here it would be him. But I can't stand the thought of being alone. I'm already finding myself forgetting words. Just basic words, they vanish, but they always come back…for now.
There used to be this strong hope within me in places that couldn't be touched that Lauren would bring me back, that she would find me. I mean I knew that it might not be possible, it was the risk I took. But there was this hope. It's fading now. NO. It's slipping away, slowly. It's like someone is pulling it away so slowly I don't even notice. And if I don't notice then I can't hold onto it.
Like I said, nothing is right here.
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"So, how'd you do it?"
"I'm sorry?" I look up at him, head resting against the rock behind me. The sharp edge digging into the base of my skull, the pain actually feels nice. Anything feels nice right about now, just so long as I can feel it.
"How. Did. You. Do. It."
"I thought we agreed on silence."
"Curiosity."
"You're a genius, right? Figure it out." Smirk creeping up. "We've got nothing but time now."
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My eyes drift open, the sound of banging of some sort. Wasn't even aware I had drifted off. Shaking my head, picture coming into focus. Kostas slamming his fists against the wall repeatedly as if he hit the right spot a door will suddenly appear.
"Looking for something?"
"I'll find a way out."
"No, you won't."
"I will." He kicks the wall.
"What happened to all that patience? Lifetime of planning and attention to detail?" He glares me down a moment, the hate and rage radiating off him in waves. It's enough to make me laugh to myself. And then aloud. "Time is on my side, yes it is." I sing the only lyrics of that song I remember, laughing even harder as he screams out in anger, resuming his previous actions.
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"Free will." I let my head fall to the side, unable to stare up into the infinite blackness hovering above us. His eyes are closed, but I know he's awake. He lays on his stomach, stretched out without shame. He hasn't even bothered to move in…well a while.
"What?"
"Free will, it's why you lost."
"Is that so?"
"You could plan and get every detail right, you did. You could manipulate every situation perfectly, you did. But there is always that one moment that can change it all. It's in those moments that it's all decided."
"Bullshit." His visible eye opens, but he doesn't move. "I was there. There was a plan. You had a plan."
"I didn't say my moment was in that cave, did I?"
"Will you just tell me how you did it?"
"Why does it matter so much to you?"
"You were with Lauren…"
"Don't you say her name!" I snap, jolting upright. Hands slapping against the ground.
"You were with…you know who. She could never not know how a problem was solved. How something worked."
"Don't speak as if you knew her."
"Oh, but I did. I studied her. I studied her research. I studied you."
"That doesn't mean anything."
"Means I know her better than you did."
"Bullshit."
"How much do you know about her childhood Bo? Her parents? Her years in school? In the Middle East? In Asia? Her brother?"
"I changed my mind, silence is fine."
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"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world." He sings, voice breaking as he rolls on the ground like a wounded dog.
"Shut up!" I look up at him, chin resting against the ground as my ribs dig into the ground. I should roll over, but eh. "Or at least sing another verse!"
"Barbie girl…Barbie world. I don't know another."
"Then sing another song."
"What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more. What is love?"
"Next!"
"Do you really want-"
"NEXT!"
"I'm Blue da ba dee da ba daa. I'm Blue da ba dee da ba daa."
"Dee da ba daa." I join in, earning a quick halt to silence. He stares me down…for a moment. "I'm Blue da ba dee da ba daa." We sing together, halfhearted laughs overlapping.
A screeching howl echoes through the cave with such a power the walls shake, pebbles breaking off and falling over us. Quickly I crawl up to him, hand over his mouth as we fall still. The howl grows to a growl. It's closer now. The dust from broken rocks falling over us, into my eyes, but I can't close them. Looking out into the darkness I search for it. It's near, but I don't know where.
Tears slip down my cheeks, and I'm not sure if it's fear or just a reaction to the dust. His hand covers mine now, the slight tremble both his and mine. The howl and growls continue to cancel each other out until there isn't a moment of silence. Not a moment of stillness. The openness beneath us, over the ledge of our little home becomes piercingly bright. It's…fire. Yes, fire, that's the word. An immense amount of fire filling as vast void.
Smile pulling at the corner of my mouth for a moment. Words like 'immense' and 'vast' reminding me of Lauren. It's a moment of solace, but I'll take it.
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"Hey." He tugs at the belt, pulling my attention to him and not over the ledge of our little walkway. "We had to leave. Those things would have found us."
"I know." I grip my end of the belt tighter, pressing my back harder against the wall. The ground beneath our feet just barely wide enough to hold us.
"It won't matter where you are, if she's going to find you, she will."
"I don't want to talk about her."
"You don't want to talk about her or you don't want to talk about her with me?"
"Have you noticed we don't get hungry here? I mean I feel like I should be hungry, but I'm not. It's a faint feeling."
"Nice sidestep." He laughs, hoping over a hole in the path. "Yeah. The same for bodily functions."
"Leave it to a guy to focus on that."
"You're telling me you haven't noticed that you haven't had to go in…"
"In…? Exactly." Sigh escaping as I hop over another gap. "Do you know how the time works here?"
"No."
"Seriously?"
"Yes Bo, seriously."
"I thought you researched EVERYTHING."
"Can't say I care for your company right now."
"No problem, go find someone else."
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"You're always on my mind, you're al—hey!" I nudge him, kicking his foot with mine. Attention momently running away with the fact that he's missing a shoe and sock. How long has that been? "It's no fun if I'm the only one signing."
"I just don't feel like it today."
"Today? There's suddenly a today?" I laugh, not exactly sure why. Maybe I am losing it. "Come on, pick the song. We can sing that one you like so much. That Manilow song."
"Maybe later." He shrugs, head hanging. "What was it like?
"What?"
"Having a family. Being in love."
"I repeat, what?"
"I'm serious." He stares me down. "Never mind."
"Having a family is…a pain as much as it's amazing. It's infuriating yet you wouldn't trade it for the world."
"You gave it away."
"No." I snap, jaw clenching. "I did what I needed to, to protect them."
"You could have just sent me through."
"I wasn't sure I could, not in enough time."
"So for them, it was worth the risk?"
"For them. For the world. Yes. It was."
"Would you do it again, knowing this is how it turns out?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Because I saw the tear in reality close as we slipped away. Nothing got through. And if nothing got through that means the world continues to spin. That means my family survived. And knowing that with such certainty, I wouldn't change a thing."
"I wonder."
"What?"
"If I could have been a hero, as oppose to the villain."
"So you admit you were a villain?"
"I was never under any delusion."
"Oh."
"You didn't say what being in love is like."
"Being in love is, indescribable."
"Is it? Or do you just not want to discuss it, discuss her?"
"Being in love is," I hesitate, eyes meeting his. I wonder if he's ever known love. Is this just a conversation, something to keep the words from slipping away? Or does he genuinely not know the feeling of family? Does he not know the touch of someone who loves him? "It is indescribable. It's a rush and it's frightening. It scares you to your core when you find out you no longer live for just yourself. When you find out that someone lives for you in some part. When you realize that you can break this person with just an action or a word. And that they can do the same."
"That doesn't sound desirable."
"There's nothing better." I laugh, more to myself than anything. "The trick is to accept it. To welcome it. Once you do, you've never felt power like that. Strength that…it's just indescribable."
"Really?" He snorts. "Strength and power?"
"I can't tell you how many times it was Lauren who got me through a fight in one way or another. How many times it was her who got me through pain that I thought would kill me. When you love someone, really love someone Kostas, you will do anything to keep them safe. You will do anything to make it back to them."
"Interesting form of power."
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"Run! Run! Run!"
"Keep going!" I look over my shoulder, the beast near. He's so near I can feel hot breath on my heels, but I can't see him.
"Bo!" His voice fills my ears as a massive weight slams into my body sending me flying through the air. Wind knocked out of me as I hit the floor. My vision beginning to blur as I stare up at this mysterious creature that has been chasing us since….since I could still run without my lungs being on fire.
This is it…and then it's not.
Utter shock and fear mixing together as I look to my left. Kostas being thrown through the air effortlessly. Breath being held as my vision begins to blur once again, until I can see nothing.
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"Do you still want to know?" Words trailing, gently dabbing the gash along his ribs with his shirt.
"Know what?"
"The moment."
"What moment?"
"THE moment." My eyes meeting his.
"Oh yeah, THAT moment. It's been so long since I thought about it."
"Has it?" Curiousity peeked, guiding his hand to his side to hold the makeshift bandage. "Has it been that long?"
"Well I would tell you, but I seemed to have misplaced my watch."
"Ass." We share a laugh as I fall back beside him. Two peas in a scary, hell pod.
"Tell me."
"To understand you have to accept that loyalty and guilt and love are funny things."
"Have you lost it again?"
"Do you want to know or not?"
"Okay." He nods, turning to me. "I'm understanding."
"I asked Dyson would he rather die as a great father or a great champion…"
"That's a random question."
"I'm paraphrasing, this is my story. Do you mind?"
"Sorry, go on." He waves me on, asshole.
"It was in that moment I realized that as a champion you can never be both. Not truly great. You either are a great parent or a great champion. One has to give. My grandfather was proof of that. And that night, Dyson was proof of it too."
"I'm failing to connect the dots."
"I realized in that moment that no matter what I was going to do, I would fail in some way. I would fail the world or I would fail my child. My family. Coincidently in that moment I also remembered something about myself. I'm the same stubborn succubus who refused to choose a side. Who didn't let the world change me, but rather changed the world. I'm the succubus who got the girl and the picket fence in the end. I make my own rules."
"Clever." He sort of laughs. "But how did you get them to go for it? Couldn't have been easy."
"Easier than you expect." I shrug. "You just have to understand guilt, loyalty and love. I mean really understand it. Kenzi loves and raised Dagny as her own. The love of a parent. Ayesha loves Dagny, truly. Their loyalty to her will forever outweigh that to me. Evony and Vex love Lauren and their loyalty is to her. Theo the same as well as his loyalty to me."
"And Dyson still owes you for his mishap." He laughs again, a bit more genuinely. A bit more amused. "Guilt."
"See."
"How is your manipulation any different than mine?"
"Yours is done out of malice. Mine is done out of love."
"You really are the knight in shining armor."
"And you the horseman of death."
"It was clever, I'll give you that."
"I have my moments."
"Silence?"
"Please."
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Kenzi. Evony. Theo. Vex.
Theo is your brother. No, not by blood. Kostas is your brother. Theo bad, Kostas good. No, No. Bo! You're not remembering! Theo good. Kostas bad. The reason we're here. Kenzi is your sister, not by blood. You don't have a sister by blood. Evony, she's…she's your…something.
Kostas shifts in the corner of the cave, our home. No this is not my home. My home is…my home is gone. I have no home. Even if I was back. Back where? Was it real? Are these people real? How long have I been down here? Two hundred and forty nights. But nights aren't really night and I didn't count them all.
Dagny! That's your sister. You have one. Kenzi is her mother. No Tamsin is her mother. So confusing. Is it real? Is it real? No these aren't memories. These are stories to not be alone.
All stories.
Lauren…she's a story. No. Stop it! Lauren is real and she's looking for you. She'd never stop. Lauren would never stop looking for you. She never fails. She's never failed.
No it's real. It's all real. It's all real.
Right?
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My eyes slowly open, it's a struggle as if someone has put weights on them. I'm trying to breathe, but it's like I've forgotten how. The light is too bright. The floor too soft. The world spins and the air, what I can manage to squeeze into my lungs is too heavy. Nothing feels right. Muffled voices overlap one another, too many to tell apart. I'm not even sure if it's English. My own voice nowhere to be found. Throat dry and on fire. I forgot what it felt like to be thirsty. To be hungry. I reach out the best I can, attempting to call for Kostas. Did we die? Did we reset? Oh God…is he gone? Am I truly alone now? Please no. Please. I can't be alone. I can't do this alone.
I hear my name being called. He's still here. Wherever here is. Using every ounce of strength I have I force my eyes open. Turning myself onto my stomach as I push myself up onto all fours. "I'm coming." My voice breaks. "Hold on."
"Bo, run." Kostas' voice is stronger. My eyes shifting to where his voice comes from. It's bright, but I see him. He's standing, near me, just out of reach.
An arm slams into his chest and just like that, he falls to ground into a lump. My eyes shifting from him to the set of legs beside him. The legs long and slender, like the torso. Heart stopping beneath my chest when I see her face.
"Doctor Lewis giveth and Doctor Lewis taketh away." Her voice is so even, so cold as she stares down at him. It's not real. "Don't touch her." She says, tossing the needle onto a table. She looks at me as I crawl away.
Everyone is here. Faces from the past. But it can't be real. No. Not like this. This is all wrong. This place is all wrong. Lauren is all wrong. She isn't how I remember her. None of these people are. Kenzi hasn't aged. Lauren, she's harder. She's as thin as ever, the baby…she should be showing by now. Dyson isn't here. Dagny is older. Theo isn't wearing his boots. Nothing is right.
"Bo, can you hear me?" It's her voice, but it's not her. "The disorientation can last for up to several hours."
"Should I get the sedative?" Evony is in scrubs, now I know this isn't real.
"Get away!" Yelling, threatening as I crawl as quickly as I can across the floor to Kostas. "Get away!"
"What's wrong with her?" Mark asks, staring down at me. He's in scrubs. They're all in scrubs. This isn't real. It's a version of a delusion. They're going to tear us apart. Experiment on us.
"Back up!" One hand waving out in front of me, the other on Kostas. If I can hold on. "Back up!"
"Bo," She whispers, kneeling down in front of me. "It's me. It's me Bo."
"You're not real."
"It's me. I promise it's me."
"You're a liar. All lies!"
"We're gonna need to tranq her." Theo says, kneeling down beside Lauren. No! NOT THEM! IT'S NOT THEM!
A sharp sting spreads through my neck, and then it all just fades away.
.
4:24 p.m.
.
"Where's my brother?" Kicking against the bed I push myself up against the headboard, knees to my chest. My eyes quickly running over her as she shuts the door behind herself. My nice little new cave, if caves were bright white and had beds.
"Your brother?"
"Kostas! Where is he?"
"He's near. A cell next to Jack's."
"Cell like mine?"
"This isn't a cell Bo, this is a room. This is to protect you."
"From?"
"Yourself."
"What are you doing to him?"
"Nothing near what he deserves." Her jaw tightens, taking three steps forward and two to the left. "We're doing nothing to him Bo. His cell is quite accommodating. Three meals a day plus a snack. Basic cable. Two hours a day they're given exercise. Of course I'm speaking more to Jack's current condition of life now, considering it's only been a few hours since your arrival."
"Hours?"
"Yes, three hours and twelve minutes to be exact." She looks at her watch, and then back to me and I can't help looking away. "Are you still feeling disoriented. The affects are widespread and highly unpredictable. We have yet to get an accurate and consistent assessment."
"Accurate assessment? When did you become an expert on people coming back from hell?"
"Since I brought back forty-seven in my attempt to find you."
"W-what?" My eyes meet hers, for just a second. This pain crushing my chest from the inside out. It's not real. None of this is real.
"A lot has changed Bo, but none of that matters if you don't accept that this is happening. That this is real." SEE! SHE'S IN YOUR HEAD! IT'S A TRICK! "This is your first time back, but you're my forty-eighth…patient. I know everything you're thinking. The feelings you're experiencing. I know because I've watched them happen time and time again. I've studied them."
"Why?"
"So that I could help you."
"Where did everyone go if this is real? Where is Dyson? Kenzi? Theo? Anyone? Why are only you here?"
"Do you really need to ask me that?"
"I'll tell you why! Because yours…hers is the last face to fade!"
"Theo isn't here because he interrogating Kostas. Kenzi is with Dagny and Ayesha handling a personal matter. And Dyson," She hesitates, my eyes moving to her face but not to meet her gaze. Never meet her gaze. "Dyson died in The Battle of Aiguille some time ago."
"You're lying!"
"I wish I was."
"No. These are tricks. This isn't real. You aren't real. I know that. Too much…too much has changed. You're different. Too different."
"Bo," Sighing, she take four more steps forward and if I wasn't quite so scared I'd run. "You closed the portal, nothing got through. But Kostas wasn't quite as careful as he thought of himself to be. His research, his mutilation of my work got into the wrong hands. Hands of people who knew how to use it. You ended an apocalypse, but left us with a war."
"How selfish of me."
"Still stubborn and feisty, it's a good sign." She smiles softly. "A war became a rebellion. A new rebellion, and in that came an opportunity. An opportunity to get everything I needed to find you."
"You just decided to rescue forty people before me."
"Forty-seven. And yes, by the time I figured out how to do it I saved forty-seven ahead of you. Not because I wanted to, but because I needed to know we could do it. I needed to know how to treat it. How to give you the help you would need. I needed to know it was safe."
"So you just left me in hell for a year while you played it safe? That doesn't seem like the Lauren I know. She was never reckless, but there were moments, moments that when it came to me she could be. To save me she would. And newsflash impostor, Lauren was pregnant! A y-year wouldn't be enough time to…" I trail off, watching the pain riddle her features. IT'S A TRICK! DON'T FALL FOR IT!
"I wasn't capable of bringing anyone back until a year ago." Her voice breaks, eyes shifting to my feet. There's finally a sense of vulnerability to her, and it seems just like my Lauren. NO! "We never could quite gauge the time perception."
"W-wha-what does t-that mean?"
"Bo, it's been nearly seven years since you, since…that night."
"N-no. No that's impossible!" My own yell startles me as I fall off the bed in my attempt to get away.
"I-I'm sorry, I broke my own rule." She takes a deep breath, starting to reach out only to let her hand fall back to her side. "I shouldn't have told you."
"This isn't-you aren't her!"
"Bo, please-."
"Get out!" The world is spinning away from me faster than I can breathe. Hands against the wall, but it feels different. It's too soft. Everything here is too soft. Moves too quickly. Feels too…real. "You're not real. You're not. You don't know. You don't know."
"This isn't a prison Bo, this is for your safety." She repeats herself. "I'll come back in a while to check on you." She starts towards the door, but stops short of pulling it open. "You know Bo, I wasn't there with you, but I was there with you."
"N-no." My voice breaks, this pain coming over me in waves so faintly familiar and yet so unrecognizable.
"For nearly seven years I've done nothing except fight wars. Carry on your mission. Carry on the rebellion. Fight for any way to find you. Fight to find a way to bring you home safe. Fight to remember what it feels like to be alive. Fight to not feel guilty for being alive. I may not have went into that…place with you Bo, but that day my life ended just the same."
"It's-."
"Not the same?" Sigh takes a breath. Fighting tears? "No Bo, of course not. I could never truly understand what you've gone through. But you left me…here to deal with this. You left me here to find a way to bring you back to me…to us. At least that's what I've continued to tell myself all these years. That you believed with every fiber of your being that I would find a way. That you knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I would find a way to bring you home."
"Th-the look in your eyes." My voice breaks as tears fill my eyes. "I knew you meant your words."
"I cannot live without you Bo Dennis. I refuse." She says the words with me. "If you remember that, then why is it so hard to even consider that I did." Her voice flat, forced flat. She's trying to hide something. Fear? Pain? Hurt? She pulls the door open, stepping out halfway. Head turning just enough that I can see half of her face, but she doesn't look at me. "You have a daughter, she's beautiful."
It's not real. It's not real. It's not real.
She pulls the door closed behind herself and I can't help the way my legs give out. The way I fall to the floor without enough strength to even pull my knees to my chest. Tears fall down my cheeks without shame. The sound of screams fills the room and it takes a while to recognize they're my own.
It's real.
.
8:18 p.m.
.
The knock finally comes, the one I had been waiting for, for….well…not really sure. Still a massive lack of clocks. One point in the 'This Isn't Real' column. She pushes it open less than halfway, peeking in. There's a composure about her now, not quite as hard as the one when I first saw her, but stronger than when she left me.
"Can I come in?"
"P-please." Clearing my throat I sit up, pushing against the floor until my back is against the wall. She closes the door behind herself, but her eyes stay on me. "The bed, it's um, it's too soft."
"I'm sorry, I didn't think…"
"You don't have to keep apologizing. Just, too many changes at once makes me automatically go to a 'this isn't real' place and I'm trying to take steps away from there."
"Fair enough."
"I have questions," I look up, but now it's her who is avoiding my stare. "I need you to answer them."
"Of course."
"Let's start simple. Where are we?"
"The Yamamoto Research Center. It's a facility in which we run our operations from. There's labs here, training facilities, housing accommodations. It's essentially a tremendous step up from the facility we used from Dimitri."
"And how exactly did-?"
"We get it? Kinji Yamamoto is a benefactor of sorts. He wasn't old enough to fight in the first rebellion. When he heard that we had survived he got into contact with us. Not long after he took over the family business."
"So he just wanted in? No strings?"
"No strings, but not so simple. He has a half-sister, an affair on his father's side. He was sworn Dark and her Light. They had managed to find one another years after they were separated, but when it was discovered they took her away. He hasn't seen her since."
"Well, guess I can accept that." I nod, looking her over. "And Dyson, he's…dead?"
"Yes." She nods this time, taking a few steps toward me. "He led the biggest assault at the time that had been seen. Dyson managed to save over eighty-three percent of his men, but he gave his life in the process. He died a hero. You would have been proud."
"Can't bring him back, huh?"
"He didn't go to a-."
"It was a joke." I cut her off, swallowing at the dull pain. "A bad one I admit."
"A little bit."
"And everyone else? All alive?"
"All alive. Dagny and Ayesha got married, they're strong. Mark and Vex are well, Mark and Vex. They're happy though. Kenzi is good, she's happy…as much as can be expected. Since…what happened she's upped her injections. She's been vital in bringing you back. Theo and Evony are married as well."
"Oh God."
"Oh yeah." She smiles. "They have twins. Cece, short for Cleopatra and Dierks. I'll leave it to your imagination who named which." This time a soft laugh goes along with her smile. "They're adorable, smart and a very interesting blend of their parents. But most importantly our daughter is absolutely in love with them, and them with her."
"Six is a little young to be dating, isn't it?"
"Not how I meant it." Her smile fades. "Some days I think they believe they're siblings and other days I believe she's going to grow up and marry them both. I don't remember the last time they were apart for more than a few hours."
"S-she's happy then?"
"Happy. Healthy. Well adjusted. Straight A's except for history and that's only because she has a LOT of opinions on how the world was and is. I know I should be displeased, but every time I hear a story or the teacher sends a note, I can't help laughing. Well, laughing and thinking about how much she reminds me of you. Always wanting to change the world."
"D-does she know…about me?"
"Every detail." She nods, features softening so fast she looks away. "She's written you letters every four days since she was four. She said not enough happens in two days, you'd get bored, but four days is better than three. She has this thing about even numbers."
"Y-you kept them?" My voice breaks, holding my breath to keep the feeling of tears away.
"Every one of them. We have a special box, well boxes now. She writes them, seals them because it's only for you and then we put them in there. There's birthday and Christmas and Easter gifts in there. Gifts just because." She steps closer and it takes every ounce of strength to stay put. "We put chocolates and things too, but I have to take those out."
"What did…what did you tell her?"
"The truth, more or less. That her mother saved the world as she tends to do and that she's gotten a little lost. That we're all trying to help and figure out how to get you home. We left out the hell part."
"Understandably." Eyes falling to the floor, stray tears slipping through as they become too much to bare.
"Bo," She whispers my name, taking two more steps forward before crouching down in front of me. "Do you want to know her name?"
"N-no." I shake my head, ashamed at my weakness. "Y-yes." Nodding I look up. "No. I…I want to but I'm scared."
"It's okay, I felt the same the first time I held her."
"Theo and Evony are her Godparents?"
"They are. Kenzi didn't fight it, only because she said she was already her aunt so she wasn't going to be greedy. And then Evony said she would fight her for it. Then it turned into an actual fight, verbal of course. And then she made this little noise. This noise that was as if her way of telling them to shut up." She laughs, starting to reach for me again but stopping short. "I told you, just like her mother."
"Tell me."
"Bethany."
"Beth." Her name whispered through the faintest of smiles and the shock that I still remember to smile almost distracts me. Almost. "Bethany Lewis."
"No, Bethany Dennis."
"Bethany Dennis." I repeat, smile slightly growing. Suddenly not sure if the stray tears are from pain or happiness. "A-and you?"
"What about me?"
"Have you…I mean…is there…?"
"Is there?" Her brow tenses for a moment. "Oh yes Bo, while raising our child and spending every free moment attempting to find a way of bringing you home, I decided to settle down with someone else."
"I-is…?"
"Sense the sarcasm." She glares, and I find myself in another faint smile. "I don't know what I can tell you about me that I haven't mentioned already Bo. I raise our daughter. I fight the good fight. I search for you. I nurse a broken heart. There isn't much happening on my front in way of excitement."
"I-I want to believe this is real but…I was losing myself. I was losing everyone. Kostas was right there and I was beginning to lose him. And now I'm suddenly here. I'm suddenly safe and all these things. They're happy and believable and what I've wanted and it's so much."
"If this wasn't real, if it was all fading, then I wouldn't be here Bo."
"No, you would be. Just you. Just you because I would have, I did give up everything to hold onto you. Kostas was the thing keeping me…me. Keeping me functioning, but I even started giving him up to hold onto you. Onto the memory of your face. Of your smell. Of your voice."
"Did you want to go?" She asks gently. "I told you, this isn't a prison. I can take you to see everyone. See this place. See outside. See anything you want."
"N-no." Shaking my head, I slowly let my knees fall from my chest.
"Wouldn't that be the quickest way to know for sure?"
"It would." I nod.
"Then why not?"
"Because even if this isn't real, I'm not ready to let go of this yet. To let go of this world."
"Okay." She nods, hands on her knees.
"C-can you stay?"
"What?"
"Can you," I scoot to the right giving her enough room to fit between me and the nightstand. "Just sit with me?"
"Of course." She nods, gracefully sliding beside me, ever so careful not to touch me. I'm not sure if it's for my benefit or her own.
"You don't have something...more important?"
"Nothing is more important than this." She tilts her head, her eyes running over my face but I refuse to look at her.
"It could be a while."
"I know."
"Like, a long while."
"I know."
"I might not be ready today. Or tomorrow. Or next week."
"The world isn't going anywhere Bo." She smiles gently, I can feel it. I forgot what that was like. Unable to stop myself, I tilt my head just enough to meet her eyes. "Whatever you decide…whatever happens, we are in this together." Her eyes fill with tears, but she doesn't look away. I want to pull her into my arms. I want to wipe away the tears. I want to say a million things. I was to kiss her. I want to just feel her. I want so much, but I'm so afraid.
"L-Lauren," Trembling, I reach out ever so slightly, palm of my hand facing up. She look curiously from my eyes to my hand and back. "Together, right?" Frightened smile making its way onto my face. Fear lessening as I feel her hand rest atop of mine, fingers slipping between my own. I'm not sure if it's her or me who squeezes so tightly it hurts, but it's the best pain I've ever felt in my life.
Real or not. Painful or not. Scary or not. Happy ending or happy beginning. I don't know which…I don't know if I'll ever know.
What I do know though…definitely together.