The water for the pasta was just beginning to boil when Kevin heard Laura's knock at his door. He had spent the day waiting for that knock, and he was quick to turn down the burner and go to let her in. As lovely as the time with Laura and her family had been yesterday, he was really looking forward to having her to himself this evening. She was a little early, but that was fine by him. They could have a glass of wine while he finished up the-
A quick glance through the peephole derailed his train of thought entirely. It was Laura, alright, but she was crying. Had been crying for some time if her swollen eyes and tear-streaked face were any indication.
Kevin threw open the door and reached for her, taking her by the shoulders. "Laura, what's wrong? Did something happen to one of the kids?"
"The kids are fine," she managed, but that seemed to be all she could get out.
He shepherded her inside and threw the deadbolt behind her, then took her in his arms and drew her into a hug. She made a terrible little wounded-animal sound and burrowed closer to him, and Kevin slowly ran his hand over her back and shoulders and gently carded his fingers through her hair, checking for any sign of physical injury. He hoped she would tell him if someone had hurt her, but he wasn't willing to take any chances.
Laura must have realized what he was doing, because she raised her head from where she had buried her face in the hollow of his shoulder just enough to whisper, "I'm okay."
She was obviously a long way from okay, but Kevin was relieved to know that at least she wasn't injured. He wanted desperately to know what had happened to leave her in such a state, but she obviously wasn't ready to talk about it yet, so he just held her...until he remembered that burners were still on in the kitchen.
Damn, he thought, and started to draw back, but Laura fisted her hands into his shirt and clung to him, making him even more worried. If there was one thing Laura Spencer definitely wasn't, it was clingy.
He hugged her close again and hastened to reassure her. "It's okay, honey, you're safe. Shhhh, I've got you." He kissed her hair. "I just need to turn the stove off, okay? You can come with me to the kitchen if you want to."
She sniffled and pulled back a little, looking down. "I'm sorry. I'll try to… I'm just-"
Her voice broke, and Kevin decided he didn't care if the kitchen caught fire. He wrapped her up again and tucked her head under his chin and rocked her gently. "Easy, easy, I'm right here."
But Laura was nothing if not determined, and after another minute or so she got herself under control enough to pull away from him and softly say, "Go do whatever you need to do."
Kevin made it back to her in less than a minute, wrapping her up again and holding her close. Please, please tell me what's wrong, he thought, but kept quiet, not wanting to push her.
After a few minutes Laura began to speak on her own, just as he'd hoped she would. "I saw Alexis," she whispered. "Mikkos left the entire Cassadine estate to Valentin in his will."
It took a minute for the significance of that to sink in, and when it did Kevin was so shocked that his mouth worked faster than his brain. "But if it was all already his-" He caught himself.
"He didn't have to kill Nikolas." She drew back to look up at him, grief and rage roiling in her eyes. "Or shoot you or any of the rest of it. He did it for sport."
God, no wonder Laura was all to pieces. Nikolas's death had already seemed senseless, but this…
"I'm so sorry," Kevin murmured, hating how inadequate those words sounded.
"And now he's just free," she continued. "He gets to menace us and steal Spencer's inheritance and laugh in our faces, and it's wrong!" The final words came out as something close to a shout, and Kevin recognized how desperately Laura needed to vent some of the pent-up emotion she was carrying around.
"Yes, it is," he agreed.
"He murdered Nikolas in cold blood. He held us hostage. He tried to take Spencer. He shot you. And apparently all of that is just fine!" She was getting progressively louder and more angry, and Kevin was relieved. As painful as it was to see her so upset, she was finally giving voice to her feelings.
She stepped back and began to tell him everything Alexis had said, her words now punctuated with sharp hand motions, explaining Mikkos's will and Valentin's smug assurance. She was crying again-now more from rage than sadness, he thought-and he let her go until she finally broke down completely, sobbing too hard to speak anymore. Then he gathered her up and held her again, ignoring her half-hearted attempt to push him away.
It took a long time for the storm to pass, and Kevin locked his arms around her and just held on. Laura cried like her bones were breaking, leaning more and more heavily on him until she would have collapsed entirely if not for his hold on her. Until eventually, inevitably, her body simply reached the point where she couldn't cry anymore.
Her breathing gradually calmed from wet, shuddering gasps to something resembling normal, and her trembling slowly eased. Kevin held her until she pulled away on her own, then loosened his hold enough to give her a little space.
"I'm sorry." Her voice was wrecked, and she was already scrubbing at her face with her hands, determinedly not looking up at him.
This tendency of hers to think she'd done something wrong every time she cried in front of him was a topic he wanted to address with her, but now obviously wasn't the time. Instead, Kevin pulled his handkerchief out of his back pocket and gave it to her, waiting patiently until she finally looked up, hesitantly meeting his eyes.
"I'm going to get you some water," he said, and tipped his head toward the hallway. "The bathroom is the first door on the left." Then he kissed her gently on the forehead and let her go, taking himself to the kitchen and deliberately giving her a few minutes to collect herself.
She was sitting on the couch in his living room when he returned, her face scrubbed clean, hands folded in her lap. Kevin sat down on the coffee table in front of her and offered her the promised glass of water. Her hands were still trembling, but she took it and drank about half of it before setting it aside.
"Thank you," she said softly. "I'm sorry for showing up here like this. I should have just called and-"
Kevin caught her hands in his and squeezed them gently, stopping her before she could go any further with that line of thinking. "I'm glad you came here. I'm glad you trust me enough to come to me for comfort. You don't ever have to apologize for that."
She looked down at their joined hands. "It just feels like you're always seeing me at my worst. You must be so tired of this."
Kevin decided that drastic measures were called for. "Is that really what you think of me?" he asked quietly. "That I only care about you or want to be with you when you're happy?"
Laura's eyes snapped back up to his. "No," she said quickly. "Oh, Kevin, no, that's not what I meant at all."
He consciously gentled his tone, not wanting her to think he was angry with her. "Then please don't say things like that. I can't imagine ever being tired of caring about you, and it really bothers me that you seem to believe you're some sort of burden to me."
She started to say something and stopped. Kevin waited.
"I know you don't feel that way," she finally said slowly. "But...I don't really understand why. I've brought you nothing but trouble."
Kevin bit back the immediate urge to tell her that was the craziest thing he'd ever heard. Not because it wasn't true, but because he doubted it would be constructive at this particular moment.
"Do you remember what I told you the day I asked you out?" he asked instead. "What you told me I'd already said on the plane?"
"That you were sleepwalking," she murmured. "That I woke you up."
He nodded. "That was the truth. Before I met you, I got up, I went to work, I came home, I ate dinner alone, I killed some time breaking codes, I went to bed-also alone, and the next day I got up and did exactly the same thing all over again. It was Groundhog Day without Bill Murray's sense of humor."
Laura didn't quite smile, but he could see the suggestion of one in her eyes.
"The saddest part is, I'd been so numb for so long that I honestly thought that was normal," Kevin continued. "I'd stopped even feeling the loneliness."
Her hands tightened on his, and he knew she was really listening.
"And then one evening I got this strange e-mail from a mysterious woman whose arch-enemy had died and left her a scavenger hunt in the form of a coded message. It sounded like a prank, but I thought, What the hell-it's not like I've really got anything better to do. And a couple of weeks later, I went to meet this mystery woman...and there you were. Caught up in Helena's mystery and looking for help and so alive that the air around you practically crackled."
Laura blinked, apparently startled by that description.
"And that night-literally that very night-I came home and looked around and realized that my apartment looked like a dorm room, that it had been six months since I'd had a conversation outside of work with anyone other than my daughter, and that the leftovers in my freezer were alphabetized, which was probably a warning sign."
This time the smile reached Laura's lips, and he thought he'd almost gotten a laugh out of her.
There's my girl, Kevin thought, and barely stopped himself from saying it out loud. "My life is so much richer with you in it, Laura. Not just you but Lulu and Dante and Rocco and Spencer- Excuse me, the Noble Patriarch."
Now she did laugh, and Kevin felt himself relax. She might not be okay, but she was back.
"So please don't say you've brought me nothing but trouble," he concluded, "because nothing could be farther from the truth."
"Thank you," Laura said after a moment. "I just wish for your sake that my family and I didn't come prepackaged with a curse."
"I'll take my chances. You're worth it."
A series of emotions quicksilvered through her eyes, surprise and gratitude among those Kevin could put names to. "You really are the most wonderful man," she murmured.
He smiled. "Wonderful enough to convince you to have dinner with me anyway, in spite of everything else that's happened today?"
She hesitated. "I'm sorry, but I'm really-"
"Not hungry?" he guessed.
Laura shook her head, looking apologetic.
"You need to eat," Kevin said gently. "Humor me, okay? Just try enough to give me your opinion about the marinara. It's an ongoing experiment."
"Alright. The least I can do is keep you company."
"That's the spirit." He stood and drew her to her feet as well. "Come sit at the breakfast counter. You can supervise while I finish things up."
Laura laughed. "Judging from how good it smells, I don't think you need any supervision, but okay."
Kevin kept hold of her hand and led her to the kitchen, where she spent the next several minutes waxing rhapsodic over his recent renovations and how much she loved what he'd had done. At first he thought she was just being polite, but gradually it sank in that her enthusiasm was genuine...and that she knew an awful lot about commercial ranges, Sub-Zero refrigerators, and the value of accessible counter space.
"You cook," he said as soon as he could get a word in edgewise.
"Yes," she answered. "And I have to admit that's one thing I won't miss about Wyndemere. The kitchen staff was always horrified that I preferred to do things myself."
"Well, you're welcome to come play in my kitchen anytime you like," he offered, remembering the cramped kitchen at Lulu and Dante's house.
Laura turned a serious look on him. "Don't say that if you don't mean it, because I will take you up on it. This is pretty much the kitchen I've always dreamed about."
"Well, since you love it that much, would you like to help me finish up our dinner?"
"If I won't be underfoot, sure."
"I'll leave the pasta entirely in your capable hands," Kevin answered, pulling the package out of the refrigerator and laying it on the worktop beside the stove. "That way we won't trip over each other."
And for the next half hour he had the entirely novel experience of sharing a kitchen with someone who was actually a help rather than a hindrance to getting a meal on the table. Laura not only handled the pasta, which turned out perfectly al dente, but also volunteered to chop the basil he'd forgotten to prep for the sauce and to grate some parmesan from the block he pulled out of the freezer.
Something of his amazement must have shown on his face, because she looked up at him through the cloud of steam from draining the pasta and curiously said, "What?"
"I'm just not used to having help that's actually helpful."
"Ah. Yes, I gathered from the story you told last night that Lucy's not much of a cook."
"Lucy can literally burn water," Kevin confirmed. "It's the damndest thing I've ever seen. So if you actually know a lemon reamer from a garlic press, brace yourself, because I may pass out from the shock."
He returned to working on the sauce, hearing drawers open and close behind him but thinking nothing of it until Laura said his name and he turned to find her standing there with the lemon reamer in one hand and the garlic press in the other.
"I even know which is which," she stage-whispered.
Kevin couldn't help but laugh. "Consider me duly impressed."
"You can be impressed when you've tasted my chicken marsala," she answered.
"If that's what sharing my kitchen gets me, I am definitely on board with this plan."
By the time they got the food on the table Laura seemed to have forgotten that she wasn't hungry. Kevin had better sense than to comment, but he was quietly pleased to see her take a proper helping of pasta. He was even more pleased when she liked it.
"Is there nutmeg in this?" she asked about four bites in.
"There is," he confirmed, "though you're the first person who's ever figured that out. It's the secret ingredient."
"I promise not to tell."
They ate in companionable silence for a few minutes, until Kevin looked up to find her studying him with an oddly speculative look on her face.
"What?" he asked.
Laura shook her head.
"Oh, c'mon, you can't look at me like that and not explain. What?"
"It's just…" She hesitated, then blurted, "How are you still single? I mean, you're smart, you're funny, you're handsome, you're good in bed, and you cook like a chef with Michelin Stars. You're basically one adorable pet away from being Romance Novel Guy."
Kevin stared at her for a long moment. "You know," he finally said, "if you keep that up my head is going to be too big to fit out the door in the morning."
"But it's all true."
"Actually, no, it's not. You got a couple of things wrong."
"Oh?"
He nodded. "Thing one: I have a cat. I'm not sure how he'd feel about being called adorable, but he can be cute when it suits his purposes. I'd introduce you, but he was so traumatized by the renovation project that he basically hasn't come out from under the loveseat in my study since the workmen left."
"So you are Romance Novel Guy."
"If you say so. Which brings me to thing two: I'm not single. I'm in a relationship. With you."
Now it was Laura's turn to stare, and Kevin was afraid he'd said too much. They hadn't really talked about exactly what they were to each other. They hadn't even explicitly agreed not to date other people, though Kevin had no desire to do that anyway and really hoped Laura didn't either. It was entirely possible that he'd just put his foot in his mouth up to his hip.
But after a moment Laura reached across the table and took his hand. "Thank you," she said softly. "I didn't realize how badly I needed to hear that until I actually heard you say it. And just so we're clear, I feel the same way."
"I'm glad," Kevin answered, and looked down at their joined hands, gently brushing his thumb across her knuckles. He wanted very badly to ask her exactly what those words meant to her, but he was well aware that now might not be the best time. Laura had already had an extremely emotional day, and the last thing he wanted was to-
"Kevin?"
"Sorry," he said hastily, realizing that it must seem to Laura as if he'd just dropped out of their conversation entirely. "Sometimes I think too much. Occupational hazard." He released her hand and sat back, planning to leave it at that.
But Laura surprised him. "Whatever it is, you can say it. You can say anything to me."
Kevin hesitated, and instead of pushing him Laura simply picked up her fork and went back to eating. He slowly did the same, until a few minutes later he had his thoughts in good enough order to say, "Being in a relationship means different things to different people nowadays. I'm pretty sure you and I are on the same page, but...I guess I'd just like to confirm that."
"I'm on the page where we're officially a couple and aren't sharing each other with anyone else, if that's what you're asking."
"That's what I meant, yes," he answered, realizing belatedly that he could have just come right out and said that. Laura wasn't the type to be offended by directness.
As she proved a moment later. "It's also the page where I really want us to have a future together. Which I don't think I'm supposed to say until at least six months from now, but I also don't think the people who come up with those rules really had us in mind."
Kevin laughed. "No, I think there's been a lot about our relationship so far that the dating experts wouldn't approve of. But it seems to be working for us. What do you say we just keep making it up as we go along?"
"I like that plan."
"Good. Because I want us to have a future together, too," he said more seriously. "I don't much care for the thought of my life without you in it anymore."
"I wouldn't want to go back to that, either. It was hard while we were apart. I thought I could just go back to being alone, you know? I'd been so used to it. But it wasn't like that. I was lonely. I really missed you."
"I missed you, too."
Laura smiled. "I know. You flew to Switzerland to talk to me."
"I flew to Switzerland to throw myself on your mercy," Kevin answered. "And I appreciate that you decided to show some."
"I could tell you really were sorry. And the book-length love letter didn't hurt."
"I meant it. Every word."
"I know. No one's ever…" She hesitated. "Does it bother you to hear me talk about Scotty and Luke?"
Kevin shook his head. "No. You can say anything to me, too."
"Thank you. Scotty, uhm...Scotty knew me. From the time I was just a kid, he knew me, and he understood what made me tick. But I don't think he ever really loved me, not the way I wanted to believe he did. He loved the idea of me as his wife, but that's not the same thing. You know?"
"I think I understand what you mean, yes."
"And Luke was just the opposite. He loved me, but he loved this...this idealized version of me he had in his head. His angel. He used to call me that. But I'm not an angel. I'm just a person. And I think that's sort of what happened to us. As I grew up and grew into myself, I grew farther and farther away from that picture in his mind of what he wanted me to be."
"That must have been a very painful thing to realize," Kevin said quietly.
Laura nodded. "It was. For both of us. We hurt each other terribly."
Kevin privately suspected that Luke deserved the lion's share of the blame for both their pain, but it wasn't his place to comment other than to say, "I'm sorry you got hurt."
"I learned from it," she said after a moment. "And part of what I decided during the time I spent alone was that I didn't ever want anyone to put me on a pedestal again. That if I was going to be with someone I wanted him to really see me. To really know me. But then when I realized just how well you did know me, it scared me a little. Because I couldn't imagine that you could know me that way and still…care about me as much as you seemed to."
Laura's little pause had been very brief, probably not even something most people would have noticed. But Kevin listened for a living, and he'd spent years honing his ability to hear what someone had almost said. And he was certain that Laura had just edited herself to avoid using the word love. Probably because she didn't want him to think she was pushing him to say it.
When in reality, he didn't need a push. If anything, he'd been holding himself back from saying it, afraid that they hadn't been together long enough to make it okay. But they had just agreed to make up their own rules, and not saying it didn't make it any less true.
"Now see," he said, looking her in the eye, "that's where you're mistaken. Because at least for me, to know you is to love you, Laura Spencer. And I do love you. Very much."
Laura's eyes widened, and she bobbled her fork and nearly dropped it before managing to set it down safely on the edge of her plate. Then she looked up again, and the depth of emotion in her eyes took Kevin's breath away.
"I love you, too." She reached out and took his hand again. "God, you have no idea how badly I wanted to tell you that last night. Seeing you with Lulu and Rocco yesterday… I mean, I already knew, but that just…" Words seemed to fail her, but the tender way she was looking at him spoke volumes.
Kevin gave her hand a little squeeze, then released it, allowing instinct to propel him out of his chair and around the table to kneel beside her. She turned toward him, and they wrapped their arms around each other and held on tightly. A minute or so passed in silence, and Kevin at least was grateful for the time to let the universe settle back into place around himself. As wonderful as it felt not to be a man alone anymore, it was going to take a little getting used to.
When they finally drew back enough to look at each other, there was a smile on Laura's face that he'd never seen before, though he strongly suspected that it mirrored a similar expression on his own face. Then she ducked her head and kissed him softly, and everything else faded away. It was far from the deepest kiss they'd shared, but something about it felt different. More sure, more real, just...more.
Laura rested her forehead against his when they finally drew apart. "We should probably actually finish eating," she murmured, sounding like the words were costing her dearly. "Or at least I should. I don't think I ate breakfast, and I know I skipped lunch, and I'd hate to run out of energy...later."
Kevin's mind instantly treated him to a remarkably vivid mental image of exactly what later might entail. Then the rest of what she'd said registered fully, and he pulled back to look at her properly. "Wait, you haven't eaten anything all day?"
Laura laughed softly.
"What?" he asked.
"You just shift gears faster than most guys, that's all."
Kevin decided to take that as a compliment. He also took himself back to his own side of the table. Being close enough to Laura to smell her perfume was not going to help his self-control one bit, and he had a guest to feed. A starving one, apparently.
They finished their meal chatting about lighter topics, but every time their eyes met they exchanged those smiles again. Laura's suddenly-bare foot also found Kevin's under the table, and he made a mental note not to ever play poker with her unless he wanted to lose, because nothing in her facial expression even suggested that she was slowly and gleefully driving him crazy. He played along and tried not to visibly react, though twice he couldn't quite manage to keep his voice steady when she found a particularly sensitive spot.
By the time their plates were empty Kevin was finding it very difficult to concentrate on what Laura was saying, and he strongly suspected that she knew it. She could easily have repaid him in kind for his "pan-fried possum" remark on their lunch date, but she didn't seem to be interested in teasing him. Not that way, anyway.
Then she stood up to carry her plate to the kitchen, and it took everything he had not to just reach out and wrap his arm around her waist and pull her down into his lap. Instead he picked up his own plate and followed her, and somehow they managed to clear the table, put away the leftovers, and load the dishwasher without pouncing on one another. When he straightened from bending over to close the dishwasher and turned to find Laura dragging her gaze back up to his face from the general vicinity of his ass, however...well, then all bets were off.
"See something you like?" he asked, trying to keep a straight face.
"As a matter of fact, yes," she answered, unrepentant. And so saying, she stepped into him, backed him up against the counter, and proceeded to kiss him senseless.
Kevin happily let his brain go offline for a few minutes, his body proving itself quite capable of taking over. Laura felt wonderful pressed against him this way. She was all woman, warm and soft and curved in all the right places, not a hard edge or a sharp angle to be found anywhere. He allowed his hands to roam, seeking the places that made her breathing catch and her body rock against his.
It wasn't until she abandoned his mouth and began to kiss her way back along the underside of his jaw toward his ear that Kevin realized they needed to get out of the kitchen.
Immediately.
"I do have a couch," he reminded her raggedly. "If you'd like to make out like teenagers some more."
"I hope you have a bed," she answered, her breath hot on his ear. "Because I'd really rather make love like grownups."
Kevin's head spun, and he tightened his grip on her hips to steady himself. He wanted that, too-God, did he ever-but there was something he had to know first.
"Can you stay? Tonight and...and tomorrow, for a while?" Because he didn't think he could stand it if she got up and left, not after what had happened the last time.
Something of that must have come through in his voice, because there was a soft look of understanding in Laura's eyes when she drew back to look up at him.
"Of course," she murmured.
Kevin took her by the hand and led her down the hall to his bedroom, bypassing the switch for the overhead light and instead turning on the small lamp on the dresser. And as he turned to take Laura in his arms again, he was suddenly struck anew by how beautiful she was and by how lucky he was that this amazing woman had chosen him.
She reached up to run her fingers through his hair and softly said, "I love the way you look at me."
The way she was looking at him was pretty extraordinary, too, and Kevin cupped his palm along her jaw and kissed her again, slowly now, taking his time. They had all night, and he intended to show her in no uncertain terms exactly how much she meant to him.
He splayed his free hand just below her ribcage and stroked slowly downward, tracing the curve of her waist and the contour of her hip. On the way back up he got his fingers underneath her blouse, touching bare skin, and Laura's soft gasp broke the kiss. Kevin shifted to bury his nose in her hair and breathed her in, getting the faint citrus tang of her shampoo and the subtle spice of her perfume and beneath all that the unique scent that was simply Laura, warm and feminine and alive.
"God, you smell good," he whispered against her ear.
"Mmmm, so do you." She nuzzled the base of his throat in a very distracting way. "You don't wear anything, do you?"
It took his mind a moment to make sense of the words. "No," he admitted when he finally understood the question. Once he'd decided that he was out of the dating game for good he hadn't seen the point of aftershave or cologne or any of the rest of it, and until now it hadn't occurred to him to wonder whether that might bother Laura.
"I'm glad," she murmured before he could worry too much about it. "There's really nothing sexier..." She pressed a slow, open-mouthed kiss just below his ear. "...than a man who smells like a man."
"Glad you approve," he managed, wondering whether what she was doing to his neck might actually be illegal in the state of New York-not that he cared.
Her fingers found the top button of his shirt and deftly unfastened it, then dropped to the next one. Kevin followed suit, unbuttoning her blouse. He discovered along the way that her bra had one of those wonderfully convenient front clasps, so when he finished with the buttons he dispensed with that as well, brushing the lace-edged fabric aside and succumbing to the temptation to touch her more fully.
Laura hummed in pleasure as he cupped her breasts, gently taking their weight and feeling her nipples peak against his palms, and her hands came up to cover his. Kevin allowed her to guide him, letting her show him how she liked to be touched. Gently at first, then more firmly as her breathing grew ragged and her eyes began to fall closed.
"Look at me," he whispered.
She did, and Kevin lost his breath. God, she was beautiful like this. And that look in her eyes-that hot, wild, I want you look-that was for him. Everything he felt for her suddenly rose up in him at once, love and desire and aching need coalescing into something he couldn't control, and his body moved without his conscious permission.
Laura moved, too, and they surged against each other, kissing hungrily now. She grabbed fistfuls of his open shirt and pressed herself against him like she just couldn't get close enough, making a sound low in her throat that had every masculine instinct in him howling in response. The small part of Kevin's mind that was still functioning revised its plans: Slow-and-easy was going to have to wait for round two, because this was happening now.
Their clothes ended up all over the room, getting naked suddenly a higher priority than anything else. Kevin dragged back the covers, and they fell onto the bed in a messy tangle of limbs, spending the next few minutes in a playful tussle over who was going to end up on top, which he would later realized Laura had let him win. From there Kevin's perception of the evening slid out of focus, becoming a blur of heat and need punctuated with odd moments of perfect clarity that he would remember forever.
The way her body arched against his when he took a hard-peaked nipple into his mouth and sucked softly.
The low, whimpery sound she made when he abandoned her breasts and began to kiss his way down her belly.
The way her fingers clutched at his hair when he tasted her intimately for the first time.
The sound of her voice breaking on his name as her body shuddered and shook.
The soft, dazed look in her eyes when he moved back up to gather her into his arms.
The deft gentleness of her fingers rolling the condom onto him because his own hands were shaking too badly.
And finally the soft, welcoming heat of her body as she guided him inside her and wrapped her legs around his hips, whispering that he didn't have to hold back, that she wanted to feel him. Shortly after which his peripheral vision whited out, and he said something without knowing what it was, and then there was only pleasure and warm, velvet darkness.
Kevin returned to himself some unknown time later to find that he had collapsed on top of Laura, who was holding him close and slowly running her fingers through his sweaty hair. I should move, he thought, and tried, only to find that his arms weren't all that keen on supporting him just yet.
Which he supposed was okay since Laura held onto him anyway, murmuring, "Stay. Please stay."
He settled back down and let himself drift for a while, enjoying the sensation of Laura's fingertips tracing aimless patterns over his shoulders and upper back. It had been a long time since he'd felt quite this thoroughly taken-apart after making love, and he appreciated her willingness to give him a few minutes.
She did speak again eventually, softly asking, "Are you alright?"
He raised up onto his forearms-he could do that again, now-and looked at her curiously. "Did I seem like I wasn't?"
It wasn't until she reached up to touch his face and her fingers came away wet that Kevin realized he'd been crying. Laura didn't seem particularly alarmed by that, just gently concerned.
"I feel...really good, actually," he said slowly, and searched for the words to explain.
But Laura didn't seem to expect an explanation, simply smiling in acceptance and saying, "Good."
Kevin did move off her, then, rolling away to deal with the condom and then back to wrap himself around her again. "Come here."
She cuddled against him, stretching like a contented cat before settling down with her head on his shoulder. "Does it still hurt?" she murmured after a moment.
It took him a moment to realize that she was looking at the place where Valentin had shot him. "No, it's fine now." She tentatively brushed her fingertips over the puckered skin, and Kevin caught her hand and gently encouraged her to really touch. "See?"
She draped herself across his chest and pressed a soft kiss to the scar, then lay down again, leaving her hand resting over it protectively. "That was when I realized," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "How much more you were to me than just a friend, I mean. When I saw you fall. Because at first I thought..."
Kevin tightened his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. "Shhhh, I'm fine. Don't go back there in your head, okay? Stay here with me."
"Here with you is a good place," she answered, and he was happy to hear the smile in her voice. "The best place I've been in a long time."
"For me, too," he agreed.
They were quiet for a little while, and then Laura asked curiously, "When did you know?"
"That I was falling in love with you? When I found myself on a plane to Greece with no real logical explanation for what the hell I was doing there."
Laura laughed, then surprised him with a serious question. "Did it scare you?"
"God, yes. I'd spent two years building a wall around my heart, and all of a sudden there you were inside it. I was terrified."
She brushed her thumb along his collarbone. "Are you ever still scared?"
"Yes," he admitted. "But now it's not that I'm afraid of loving you. I'm just afraid I'll screw it up again."
Laura pushed herself up to look at him, her expression as serious as he'd ever seen it. "Please don't be afraid of that. You're not on probation. I'm not lying in wait for you to do something wrong so I can run away again. I was wrong to run the first time. I understand now how badly that hurt you, and I'm sorry."
"Laura, it's okay. You had every right-"
"No. You made a mistake, and I punished you like you'd deliberately set out to hurt me. You tried to apologize, and I wouldn't let you. And now I've made you afraid. Nothing about that is okay."
Kevin wanted to tell her that it really was fine, that she was here now and that was all that mattered. But she was right. It had hurt. Badly enough that he'd had actual nightmares about that morning, waking more than once with the bitter finality of her parting Goodbye, Kevin ringing in his ears. And hearing her acknowledge that went a long way toward easing his fear.
"I accept your apology." The words felt oddly formal given their current position, but he needed to say it, and she obviously needed to hear it. "Thank you."
She moved up so that they were eye to eye and cupped her hand along his jaw, almost resting her forehead against his. "I don't ever want you to be scared because of me, not when you make me feel so safe."
That was good to hear on a number of levels, and Kevin reached up to sweep Laura's hair away from her eyes, framing her face with his hands. "I'm glad you feel safe with me."
They looked at each other for a quiet moment, and then Laura lowered her head and kissed him, long and soft and slow. Her body melted down against his, and Kevin was pleased to realize that round two might be possible sooner than he'd expected. They did have some lost time to make up for, after all. And Laura seemed to be of like mind, her hand drifting down to stroke along his flank and down to his hip. Then all at once she was pulling away from him, and Kevin made an unhappy sound, protesting the sudden loss of her soft warmth.
"Relax," she murmured. "I'm not going anywhere. I just want you to turn over."
He started to ask why, then decided it didn't particularly matter. If Laura wanted him to turn over, he'd turn over. He resettled himself on his belly, and a moment later Laura was straddling his hips and running her hands over his back and shoulders and up into his hair, petting him like a cat and instantly awakening every nerve ending in her path. It wasn't quite a massage-she wasn't using that much pressure-but it felt wonderful, and she definitely had Kevin's undivided attention.
"Tell me if I do anything you don't like," she said matter-of-factly, and proceeded to spend the next ten minutes touching him in different ways, everything from the firm press of her open hands to the feather-light scratch of her nails, sometimes faster and sometimes slower, as Kevin alternately sank deeper into the mattress and arched against her hands. He had been touch-starved for so long that this sudden feast was total sensory overload, and it was all he could do to keep still and let her explore. Then she stretched herself out along his back and opened her mouth against the nape of his neck, and he had to dig his fingers into the mattress to avoid embarrassing himself.
"Too much?" Laura murmured.
Kevin huffed an uneven laugh. "Depends on how you want this to end."
She eased herself off to the side. "Come here."
He had just enough presence of mind to grab another condom before rolling to face her, and Laura took it from there, turning the necessary pause into a moment of gentle foreplay. Then she threw her leg over his hip, and the time time for foreplay was over.
"Is this okay?" she asked, eyes on his.
The position, he assumed she meant, because what about this could possibly not be okay? "This is perfect."
They eased together slowly, taking their time, and the sound Laura made when they got the angle just right made Kevin very grateful for the extra measure of control his earlier climax afforded him now. Much as he wished they could just make love all night, he wasn't twenty-five anymore. This was likely to be it for the evening, and he wanted to make it count.
Laura had her lower lip caught between her teeth, and her eyes had fallen closed. Kevin was ninety-nine percent sure that was pleasure and not pain, but ninety-nine percent wasn't good enough. They'd been pretty vigorous earlier, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.
"Laura?" he whispered. "Are you okay?"
"Very okay," she murmured back, putting paid to his worries, then opened her eyes to smile at him and playfully added, "Completely. Totally. Unquestionably."
Kevin laughed softly, recognizing the quote, and wrapped his hand around her hip as he slowly began to move. Laura dropped her head back, and he lowered his mouth to her neck, leaving a trail of wet kisses from the base of her throat up to the hinge of her jaw, stopping just short of her ear to ever-so-lightly scrape his teeth along the sensitive skin just below it.
Then he paused, politely saying, "I'm about to do that thing to your ear again. Consider yourself warned."
Laura's answering laugh turned into a gasp as he drew her earlobe into his mouth and flicked the tip of his tongue against her earring. The remarkable sensitivity of her ears had been one of the first things he'd discovered about her that night in his hotel room, and now he was enjoying learning the more subtle nuances of exactly what turned her on the most.
"Please," she breathed, clutching at him.
He deliberately let his lips brush her ear. "Please what? Tell me what you want."
She was breathing heavily now, almost panting. "I...oh...your voice...please…"
His voice? This was new, but it was a request he could easily oblige. So he dropped his voice into its lowest register and warmed her ear with his breath, telling her how beautiful she was and incredible it felt to be inside her and feel her respond to his touch, to know that he could give her as much pleasure as she gave him.
And Laura slowly came undone in his arms. Her nails dug into his shoulder, her leg wrapped tighter around his, and the instinctive thrust of her hips became harder and more insistent. Until at last she cried out, high and sharp and startled-sounding, as if her own orgasm had taken her by surprise. Kevin rested his forehead against hers and rode it out with her, feeling her clench and shudder as he splayed his hand over her lower back and locked her against him. He held her until she stopped shaking, then slowly ran his open hand over her back and side and hip, gentling her back into herself.
"Wow," she murmured, sounding a little dazed. Kevin was almost sure she hadn't meant to say that out loud, and he hid his smile against her cheek. Then he raised his head to look at her, returned his hand to her hip, and thrust gently, watching her eyes widen. "K-Kevin?"
"I wanted to watch you." His voice was ragged, and he couldn't stop himself from thrusting again. He was nearing the limits of his control, but Laura's body was still thrumming with energy, and he was pretty sure he could take her with him when he went. He found her hand and brought it down to his hip. "Move with me."
They rocked against each other, and Kevin allowed himself to let go, instinct moving his body now as he reached the point of no return. Laura was watching him, and he fought to keep his eyes open, wanting to give her that. Until finally he simply couldn't anymore, closing his eyes and shouting hoarsely as pleasure pulsed through him in bright, shattering waves. Laura made a sound, too, then, and there was a sudden sharp sting as she forgot to be mindful of her fingernails. Any other time it might have hurt, but right now it only registered as a burst of added intensity.
Kevin did manage not to collapse on her this time, rolling them so that she rested half on top of him instead of the other way around. He was breathing like a steam bellows, and he had that strange, floaty, one-with-the-Universe feeling that occasionally accompanied a particularly mind-blowing orgasm. Damn, I didn't know I was still that good, he thought, and really hoped he hadn't said that out loud.
Then again, Laura seemed to be just as wrecked as he was, sprawled over his chest with her face buried in his neck. She was panting, too, and Kevin couldn't help feeling a little smug.
A feeling that only intensified when she eventually mumbled, "I don't think I can move."
He laughed, shaking both of them. "Do you hear me complaining?"
"Can you breathe?"
"Yes, honey, I can breathe just fine."
"Then I'm just gonna stay here for a while. Give me a week or so."
Kevin laughed again. "Okay."
It was actually only about ten minutes before she pushed herself up on her arms to look at him and said matter-of-factly, "One of these days we're going to kill each other."
"Just think what a scandal that'll be," he said, managing to keep a straight face.
Laura laughed, then pulled a face as she peeled herself off him. "We're a mess."
"Indeed we are," he agreed lazily. "Can I interest you in a shower?"
She gave him a suspicious look.
Kevin snorted. "Honey, I'm fifty-six years old. If you think I have anything in mind other than getting cleaned up, you have a little too much faith in my stamina."
"Your stamina is damned impressive, and you know it." She rolled over and sat up on the side of the bed. "Come on, old man. I got a look at your shower earlier, and I'm not getting in there by myself."
"What's wrong with my shower?"
"It looks like something out of the Jetsons. Is a robot arm going to brush my teeth?"
"No, but if you play your cards right I might wash your hair." He hesitated. "If you're, uhm...into that sort of thing." Their present comfortable banter aside, they were still pretty new lovers. He didn't want to assume too much.
But Laura looked over her shoulder at him and smiled. "I'd like that." Then she got up and sauntered off toward the bathroom, naked as the day she was born and clearly not the least bit self-conscious about it.
By the time he caught up with her a few minutes later she had apparently come to terms with his recently-renovated bathroom and its admittedly ostentatious shower. He assumed so, anyway, since she was standing under the rainfall showerhead with her face turned up into the water, humming softly.
"What was that about my shower?" he asked amusedly, opening the door to join her.
"I take it back," she answered without opening her eyes. "This thing is amazing."
Kevin sighed dramatically. "I see how it is. The kitchen, the shower-you're in lust with my apartment."
Laura laughed and reached for him, dragging him under the water with her. "Come here, you. I'd love you if you lived in a cardboard box, and you know it."
He did know that, and the knowledge felt extraordinarily good. He pressed a kiss to her wet head, then said, "Will you really let me wash your hair?"
Laura pretended to consider. "It'll be a terrible hardship," she finally said, "but I think I can muddle through."
"You're in rare form tonight," he observed, reaching for the shampoo.
"You have only yourself to blame. You should have come with a warning label."
Kevin raised an eyebrow at her. "Oh? And what would it say, pray tell?"
"Caution: May cause an extreme state of blissed-out euphoria. Do not operate heavy machinery."
He made a show of looking around them. "Fortunately, I don't see any heavy machinery."
"That's good, because I'm-" She stopped abruptly, staring down at his right side.
"What?" Kevin asked, and followed her line of sight to find an impressive set of parallel scratches that ran up his flank from his hip nearly to his ribcage, the pink lines stark against his pale skin. "Oh, that. Yeah, you got me a little there at the end."
"A little? Kevin-"
"It's fine," he said firmly. "You didn't break the skin, and I don't mind the marks." He was proud as hell of the marks, was what he was.
Laura looked at him uncertainly.
"I promise," he said, looking her in the eye.
"Okay," she said after a moment, and he saw the tension go out of her shoulders. "I'm just a little shocked at myself. I mean, I don't normally, uhm…"
Kevin smiled wolfishly.
Laura smacked him on the chest. "Oh, my God, you are such a guy."
"If you're just figuring that out now we really need to talk about your powers of observation."
She snorted and tipped her head back into the water to wet her hair again. "Less teasing, more washing, Collins."
"Yes, ma'am."
Laura really did let him wash her hair, and he made a careful, thorough job of it, enjoying the happy little humming sounds she made as he massaged her scalp.
"You're going to smell like my shampoo," he said ruefully as he was rinsing the lather out of her hair. Then his mouth ran away from him, opening again to say quite without his permission, "You should bring some of your stuff here." Very smooth, he thought, irritated with himself. Why don't you just go ahead and invite her to move in with you?
But Laura took the suggestion in stride, smiling with her eyes still closed against the water. "Gee, I don't know. Do you think there's room? This shower stall is so tiny."
"Very funny. Keep teasing me about this shower, and I won't let you play in my kitchen."
"I'll behave," she said quickly.
"I thought so." He weighed his options, then decided In for a penny, in for a pound. "You really are welcome to bring some things here. Toiletries or clothes or...whatever. I'll clear you out some space."
She looked at him so seriously that for a moment he was afraid he'd overdone it, but then she smiled slowly and said, "Thank you. I'd really appreciate that."
Then she closed her eyes again, allowing her head to grow heavy in his hands. Kevin took the hint and went back to rinsing her hair, and when he was finished found that he was enjoying this too much to want to stop there. So when Laura straightened and murmured a quiet thank you and reached for the soap, he laid his hand over hers, stilling it gently.
"Let me?"
She looked up at him in surprise, and Kevin could see her uncertainty. However delightfully uninhibited she might be about sex, she obviously wasn't used to allowing herself to be cared for in other ways. But intimacy came in many forms, and this kind of caretaking came as naturally to Kevin as breathing. Please, he thought, looking into her eyes. Please let me do this for you.
"Alright," she said after a few seconds. "But only if I get to return the favor."
That was unexpected, but he certainly wasn't about to object. "Of course."
He lathered his hands and laid them lightly on her shoulders, and after a moment Laura relaxed and gave him a little nod. It was a tremendous display of trust, and Kevin did everything in his power to honor that. He took his time, moving slowly and allowing her to get used to the feel of his soap-slick hands on her back and arms and upper chest before moving on to more intimate places.
By the time he was done he had touched literally every single inch of her from the crown of her head to the soles of her feet, and he looked up from kneeling in front of her to find her blinking back tears.
"Laura?"
"Thank you," she said softly, and Kevin relaxed, recognizing that this was the good kind of crying.
"You're welcome," he answered.
He continued to kneel while she washed and rinsed his hair, then stood and allowed her to work her way down from there. She was every bit as gentle and careful with him as he had been with her, which didn't surprise Kevin at all. What did surprise him was the strength of his own reaction. Laura, he realized belatedly, wasn't the only one who wasn't used to being looked after. He was far more accustomed to being the caretaker than the cared-for, and having her do this for him made him feel very vulnerable, exposed in a way that had nothing to do with being physically naked.
Then Laura knelt to reach his legs and feet, and all at once he knew exactly why she'd had those tears in her eyes a few minutes ago. He had gone to his knees in front of her without a second thought-there were parts of her he couldn't reach without kneeling, so he'd knelt. But now that their positions were reversed he was suddenly and powerfully aware of the symbolism.
The words You don't have to do this were on the tip of his tongue when he caught himself. Laura knew that, and there was nothing in her posture or attitude to indicate that she was uncomfortable. So he kept still and let her finish her task, lifting one foot and then the other just as she had. And when she sat back and smiled up at him, he took her hands and drew her up to her feet and into his arms to hug her close and tight.
They stood like that letting the water cascade over both of them until Laura finally asked, "Should I be worried that the water is about to run cold?"
"On-demand water heater," Kevin answered. "We could stay in here for days."
"As tempting as that sounds, there is a very comfortable bed in the next room."
"So there is."
They abandoned the shower in favor of drying off, and Kevin couldn't help but laugh at Laura's continued fascination with his fancy-her word-bathroom. Apparently she'd never encountered a towel warmer anywhere outside of a spa.
"You better be careful, Collins," she said, wrapping the warm bath sheet around herself with obvious pleasure. "A girl could get used to this."
God, I hope so, Kevin thought.
Laura didn't comment on the fact that there were two robes hanging on the back of the bathroom door, but she did look curious, so as he held hers open for her Kevin sheepishly admitted, "I might possibly have shopped for a little more than just groceries this morning."
She didn't answer in words, but the hug she turned to give him spoke volumes.
He shrugged into his own robe and excused himself for a few minutes, explaining to Laura that failing to feed the cat now would result in a rude awakening at five o'clock in the morning-"He thinks nothing of literally standing on my head"-and by the time he returned she was already curled up under the covers. Kevin stopped in the bedroom doorway to just look at her for a minute, enjoying the sight of her so comfortably snuggled down in his bed. He actually thought she might already be asleep until she spoke, her voice a sleepy murmur.
"Come in here where it's warm."
She didn't have to ask him twice, and a minute later they were cuddled comfortably together in the darkness, Laura's body a warm, boneless weight against his. Kevin lay awake and listened to her breathing slow as she slid the rest of the way into sleep, then allowed himself to follow her, secure in the knowledge that she would be here when he woke. He was going to get a second chance at the morning after, and he intended to make the most of it.