Author's Note: Sorry this one's kind of uneventful. This is the last chapter of the two being silly in Wade's apartment. In the next one they're gonna be out on the town!

Chapter summary: The two nerds roll around and Peter will never be able to wipe this image from his brain.

Chapter Nineteen: Hello, Naughty Children

Peter apparently nodded off after heating up four microwave burritos and inhaling them, his stomach finally, blissfully warm and full. He jerked awake to Ponyo screaming about ham. "What time is it?" he slurred for the second time that day. He wiped the back of his gloved hand over his mouth, and only then realized he was still wearing his costume, sans mask. He tugged the gloves and boots off.

"You're up already?" Wade asked, leaning his head back to look at Peter. He was wearing pajama bottoms and nothing else, having taken off the hairnet and gloves after taking a break from cleaning. "I thought for sure you were gonna hibernate."

Peter patted around for the sewn-on pocket and tugged out his phone, bringing it out of sleep-mode. The sudden brightness hurt his eyes, but then it dimmed automatically afterward - it still left him seeing spots for a few seconds. Turns out he'd only been asleep a little under two hours, and while that was a long time for a nap, it wasn't a full night's rest. Yet he felt bright-eyed and clear-headed again, so he must have somehow managed a perfect sleep cycle in that time.

He opened Go and sat back against the couch, his eyes wandering over to the television. "Betty White?" he ventured for the reasoning of this particular movie, even though it was just an assumption. Especially since he remembered that Wade could speak Japanese fluently, so what reason was there to watch the dub?

Wade grinned and lifted himself up onto the couch from his spot on the floor. "Did you mean the literal God Amongst Men ?" he shot back and Peter found that amusing.

"Yes, please forgive my slip-up," he said, his tone sounding almost theatrical. Suddenly his eyes shot back to his phone screen. "Oh, hey, they're doing a double experience event in Go. It's going to last to the end of the month, right? I can finally level up again." He noticed as he was talking that he didn't have as much of a headache anymore - whether that was due to eating, sleeping, and there being less chemicals in the air, or probably a combination of the three, was up for guessing. The rumbling of his vocal cords didn't cause him pain, so whatever the reason was, he was happy for it.

The windows on either side of the living room wall around the TV had been opened up, and the sounds of traffic could be heard louder. The stuffiness of the apartment had abated and it was left feeling open and much, much cleaner. Peter inhaled the night air, though it still had the aftertaste of the plug-in air freshener. The sound of cars on the highway not too far off could almost be mistaken for ocean waves, if one tried hard enough, and the sound had always lulled him to sleep as a child. The sudden blaring of a horn, which turned into ten or fifteen more, was less soothing, and Peter started slightly.

"Fuckin' sweet," Wade crowed, and then whipped his phone out of God only knew where. "By the way, I've decided I'm taking you out on Halloween," he added, leaning into him. Peter canted his head slightly and caught the older man's look.

"Why are you so obsessed over this?" he asked. It was just another holiday. As a kid it was fun to dress in costume and go door to door with Ben, but as an adult, well… Seeing the darker side to the day kind of made the name taste bitter.

"'Cause you're gonna have a good time and I'm gonna be the one to give it to you, damnit," Wade said and he sounded so serious right then. Peter's mouth clamped shut and he blinked stupidly at the mercenary. Part of him had gotten so relaxed around the other that he'd forgotten that he was, in fact, dangerous. Deranged and dangerous, two things that were worse when mixed together.

But he'd been good to Peter, even when things hadn't gone so well. He'd managed restraint where he would never have been expected to. Even though Peter's intuitive precog always buzzed in the back of his brain whenever he was around the other, it rarely got deafening. He'd gotten so used to it by now that he actually forgot it was happening at all. The sensation should have caused him to be on edge, and yet… there was no edge.

"Please don't take me to a party," he said after several more seconds. "I really don't like them."

Wade frowned and nudged his head against Peter's neck while he switched positions, his legs now hanging halfway over the armrest. "I'm not gonna take you to a party. We're gonna take down every Gym in the area and be worshiped as the kings we are!"

...That was…

That was honestly touching.

Peter found himself smiling, which was getting almost embarrassingly commonplace (but wasn't that a good sign?). "Who gets to take them, though? Instinct or Valor?"

Wade rolled himself over so he was on his stomach, splayed across Peter's lap. "Uh, Valor, duh." He reached up with one hand and flicked Peter on the nose - well, he tried to. The brunet leaned to the side and out of the way of the attack without even having to think. "...And I suddenly understand why you picked Instinct."

And in a completely unexpected move, Wade tossed his phone on the floor and forced his arms around Peter, who squawked and was taken down off the couch when Wade rolled them over. "Try to dodge this!" he shouted, sounding manic, and started tussling Peter's hair. Peter attempted to fend him off by blocking his path, but the guy kept somehow finding an opening and continued his onslaught. That was when Peter decided that it was absolutely fair game to use his super strength and he wiggled until his legs were under Wade, then he lifted the two-hundred-something pound man as easy as he would have a loaf of bread, balancing him precariously with only his feet.

"I'll web you to the ceiling!" he threatened, trying to hold back his laughter as he straightened out his hair. It had already been sticking up before Wade had helped it along.

"Holy shit," the Merc uttered, as he teetered back and forth, failing his arms to try to steady himself. He then threw all of his weight forward, thinking he could just get close enough to continue to reach Peter's head to annoy him. Peter, however, tipped his feet upward, and back Wade went with a scream. The tiny hairs on the bottom of his feet were now stuck to Wade's chest, and he was taking full advantage of this, wearing a shit-eating grin the entire time. "I keep forgetting you're not just a noodly little nerd with asthma!"

"And now you're really getting webbed to the ceiling," Peter said, as deadpan as he could manage, and bent his knees before tossing Wade up into the air with a relatively gentle kick - he didn't want to put him through the roof, just up to it. Wade was webbed from his shoulders to his knees in four seconds flat. With his work done, he crossed his arms smugly and laid himself fully on the ground, smirking up at Wade. Said mercenary wiggled. "Naughty children get banished to the web-cocoon."

"Okay, I get that this is punishment, but it's actually kinda hot," Wade admitted in a small voice, and Peter sputtered from underneath him.

"What the hell!" the brunet asked, and then he sat himself up. "You can't find the web-cocoon attractive! That ruins the entire point of the web-cocoon!"

Wade just whimpered.

Peter sighed exasperatedly and then spotted the other man's phone. He grabbed it and waved the screen at his captive. "I'll change the passcode to your phone. Is that sexy?"

Wade's small, awkward noises turned into a long whine. "You're truly the evil mastermind the Bugle says you are! I'm gonna call them up right after I get out of this and tell on you!" He started fake-thrashing, and added, "Oh, Jameson, help me!"

Peter dropped the phone and grumbled, holding his face and falling back to the floor and then over onto his side. "You are not allowed to call out his name when you're with me, and you know that!" he complained.

"But he treats me better! Maybe I just need a Manther in my life!"

Peter couldn't take it anymore and he started laughing hysterically. He could barely get the words, "What the heck is a Manther?" out between his fits.

Wade stopped moving for a second. "You know, it's a male Cougar, an old bear that's into hot young lads like myself."

Peter's laughing was now interspersed with pained-sounding groans. "Oh, that is so gross," he managed, now trying to get the image of Jameson wearing only his underwear out of his mind. No, no, no. He never wanted to go towards that territory ever again.

Wade went back to moving like a fish out of the water that was stuck in a net. "And now you're kinkshaming me!"

Peter threw his hand up and pointing an accusing finger at Wade. "I am always going to kinkshame when Jameson comes into the mix. Don't even start."

"Oh, I'm starting, Baby Boy!" Wade twisted his body and threw his head to the side as he yelled, "Mister Jameson, I crave the gentle brush of your 'stache as your lips pass over my collarbone! I need your old, wrinkly fingers that look like overcooked sausages to roam freely over my body, and I gasp as they go lower- "

The Merc suddenly had his mouth webbed shut. Honestly, it should have been way before that, because now Peter had to live with an even worse mental image.