Okay. Last chapter, I went over known Titan's history. And added how Beast Boy felt, and what he thought in it. This chapter is going to be my take on a little of what happens in the year following Thing's Change. Mainly since I haven't really gone over it in this story so far. Extra long update just for all you guys! So you better review and tell me what you think, or what I did wrong this chapter! Or if there was some more stuff that I should have included.
Mailbox Time!
Invader Johnny: That is also one of my favorite BBxRae scenes in Teen Titans. The second being the Beast Incident. The third being the lucky penny. And the fourth when she figured out his real name from the Doom Patrol. (Gives cookie)
Santoramon: I know, right? And she's supposed to be the team empath! (rolls eyes) I don't think I'll have their minds link on this. I'll just do something a lot more drastic than that. And you'll just have to see about that demon there. (Gives cookie)
RPGPersona: I could honestly see that happening in the cancelled episode Opposites. Raven denying that Beast Boy could 'like' like her. With Beast Boy having to do something pretty drastic to prove it. That first memory was when I would think that Beast Boy started to like her. I mean, I doubt anyone else had ever found him funny before. And lastly, you could be right, or you could be wrong. You'll just have to wait and see to find out. (Gives cookie)
Bluedog197: Sorry, another emotional roller coaster this time. It's so bad, it made Raven cry. And again, I'm loving the enthusiasm in your replies! I can't wait for the next eager reply! (Gives a hug and a cookie)
22oliviafoster: I'm happy to know you are loving the story! And just a warning, another cliff hanger lies at the bottom. (evil laugh, then gives cookie)
Enjoy the cookies reviewers. And the hug bluedog. Because I'm hoping for this next chapter to finally confront this problem Beast Boy is having! The question is, can Raven save Beast Boy from his own demons?
Disclaimer: I don't own it, I don't own it, I DON'T FREAKING OWN IT! AHHHHHH! (Starts pulling hair out, looks to member of the audience) Just who are you looking at buddy! You want to face this! YOU WANT TO FACE THIS! (My disclaimers are becoming even weirder each time I write, is this a good thing?)
Chapter Seven: A Forgotten Memory
The light faded away. Dumping Raven off in the middle of yet another memory. Raven took a look around herself. She was standing on the edge of the roof of Titan's Tower. A bright sunset was out in the distance in front of her. A cool, ocean breeze was gently blowing in from the bay. The sound of waves lapping against the shoreline down below audible, even from the top of the tower. Overall, it all made for a calming atmosphere.
Raven looked down to her left, and saw Beast Boy sitting there. He wasn't calm. He wasn't happy. He was staring off into the sunset, a depressed look plastered on his face. One that looked similar to the one he wore after he turned into the Beast and attacked the Titans. Oddly though, Raven couldn't really feel much, or any emotions coming off of him this time. All she felt, that signified he was feeling anything, was a small throb inside of her chest. He looked like he hadn't showered in days. His uniform was tattered and full of holes, most likely from the last few villains he had faced in the last few days.
And in his hands, laid a small heart-shaped box. A box he had made a long time ago. A box that he had made and given to a girl like him. One of the only few who had accepted him for being different. The box he had made for Terra.
Raven knew what day she was at now. It had been two weeks since he had said he had seen Terra. And had abandoned the team a few times in their fight against Substance to try and convince her to come back with him to rejoin the Titans. To be his friend again.
Only, she had none of Terra's memories… and her powers... or at least claimed that she didn't. Terra, or Tara as she called herself, had outright refused. And told him she wasn't the girl he knew. He had tried for a while to convince her. But in the end, he had finally given up. And came to help fight Substance at last.
That day, when the other Titans were about to fall, he had taken down Substance single handedly. Tricking it into turning into ice, and then smashing the body into pieces to get to it's power cell. A simple switch on it turning it off. The others, including Raven (shocking, right) had congratulated him on the take down. After they got over the shock of how easy he made it look.
But he had just walked away, acting as if nothing had happened.
He had became what Raven used to be that day. Boxing himself into his room. Rarely coming out to even eat anymore, much less, be with his teammates. When he was forced to speak, it was in a dead monotone voice that was almost as good as Raven's. And that was mostly during a battle when he had to speak.
Where he differed from Raven was when he stopped bathing after the first week. He also stopped putting on a different uniform after each battle. Having found it pointless to try and clean himself. Even though he was boxed in his room and it's stink, it became messier than ever. And not once in those two weeks did he interact with the team outside of battling. At least Raven talked to someone at least once a day.
Raven knew what was coming, as she heard the roof door slide open behind her. No footsteps were heard, but that didn't mean that no one was behind the two of them now. She turned her head, and saw herself floating to the left side of Beast Boy.
Memory Raven sat down next to Beast Boy. On the opposite side of Raven. Also looking straight at the sunset in the distance. Both of them not saying a word at first. The sun was barely touching the horizon as it sank lower in the sky.
Memory Raven finally let out a sigh. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" She asked him.
He let out a small grunt. "What's there to talk about? So what if some girl I thought I liked doesn't remember me. That she doesn't remember all the great times we had. That she doesn't even want to be friends anymore. It's not like it's some big deal or anything to me." Beast Boy said in his dead voice. Refusing to let his eyes leave the sunset in the distance. As he said it though, Raven felt a little more sadness trickle into her body.
'Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he still did like Terra after all.' Raven thought to herself. He had said it himself just now.
Memory Raven turned her head and faced him at last. "Beast Boy, you might be able to fool the others, but you can't fool me. I know that you're deeply hurting inside because of her." She said in her monotone voice.
Raven felt more sadness, along with a little anger leaking through his emotional wall into hee. "So what, she hurt me again Raven. You were right about her all along. She doesn't really care about us. She can't be a hero like us. She wants absolutely nothing to do with us. Is that what you wanted to hear from me. Is that what you wanted me to tell you!" He spoke in a louder voice at the end.
Memory Raven shook her head. "I only want to make sure that my team mate is going to be okay." She told him.
'How ironic, it takes someone hurting me emotionally for her to reach out to me. When she hurts me emotionally every time her very actions speak hatred to me. Why can't Raven seem to tell I love her. I thought she was the freaking empath on the team!' Raven had to gasp at this thought that coursed through her mind. It couldn't have been from him, but as she looked at his face. The way that it was looking at the memory of her. She realized he wasn't only feeling anger, but hurt, and regret. For having ran after Terra once again.
Beast Boy tried to find something to say. Something that wouldn't push her away. But his anger got the best of him. And the very words he said still hurt Raven to this day. "I don't need pity from anyone about this, much less you. The demon who can't even control her own powers. At least Terra had some control over hers!" He shouted in her face in a harsh voice at the end.
The emotions Raven had been feeling from him turned from anger to shock at what he had just said. Raven had remembered this as being the first time he had ever said something that truly hurt her. She saw the look of pain cross Memory Raven's face before she suppressed it. But Beast Boy had seen.
'Oh god, what have I done.'
Memory Raven's face hardened. "Fine. Then stay up here and wallow in your self-pity then. I'll just be in my cold, dark room. Meditating so I don't accidentally kill you later when Rage wants your skin hanging from the top of the tower." Memory Raven said in a harsh, monotone voice before she teleported herself away. Beast Boy tried to grab at the area where she had just been. But he was to late, his hands holding nothing but air, and the small heart shaped box.
A few seconds passed by, nothing but shock being felt by Raven. And then his dam burst, and he allowed all the emotions he'd been holding back to wash over him. As tears fell down his green face.
Terra had hurt him, Raven had been right about that. But he'd also been angry with himself, for having chased after her again in the first place. When he had been trying to be more friendly to Raven. Up until two weeks ago. 'I was just getting Raven to open up to me. Now I've ruined it. I've ruined it all over again!'
Raven was reeling at the emotions she was feeling coursing through him. This had been the most powerful bout she had experienced yet. It was like his heart was being ripped in two right in front of her. Suddenly, the flow stopped. And he stood up, all the hurt and anger coming to the forefront of his mind. Replacing the overwhelming sadness that he had been feeling. With the box gripped tightly in his right hand, he pulled back.
And threw the box into the air. It flew several hundred yards out towards the city. And then, it made a small splash, as it sank into the bay. The anger was still there. Along with something that felt close to determination.
'NO! I won't just give up on her like that! I'm tired of this! I'm tired of always saying the wrong thing and pushing her away! I'm going in there and apologizing to her. And by god, I'll get her forgiveness, even if it's the last thing I ever do!'
He turned around and walked back towards the roof of the tower. Intent on his goal. But before he reached it, the light came back, tearing Raven away from the memory. The darkness having spread along the light. Being a little thicker on the edges of her vision.
Raven didn't know where she'd end up next. She remembered from memory that Beast Boy had broken out of his reclusive state after that day on the roof. Much to the relief of the others. Except hers.
He had made good on his promise. And he had tried for over two months to apologize for what he had said to her. When he managed to corner her, that is. Apparently, it's very hard to corner a person with teleportation abilities at hand. But that hadn't stopped him from trying. Whether it had been trying to make her favorite tea, getting her a new book, or even telling her he'd stop making jokes that annoyed her.
She had rejected it, whatever it was, every… single… time.
Or refused to hear him out.
Raven hadn't understood why she reacted the way she did back then. It had only been Beast Boy, and it had been the truth. But now, she realized it might have been because… well she might have had a tiny, barely there, crush for him back then. Although she didn't really know since she always rejected any feeling or emotion she ever had before.
While she was pondering, the light faded away, dropping her into a scene of absolute mayhem.
To her, it looked like she was in the middle of a big, dusty smoke cloud. She wondered if things were going to be fast forwarded again for her again. When she saw a thug, all draped in black, thrown through the smoke. Robin jumping right after him.
A green flash emitted from her left. And she saw the smoke thin a little bit for her to see Starfire firing at more of the black thugs. She saw a blue blast to her right. And the smoke cleared even more for Raven to see Cyborg. Using both of his sonic cannons on a pair of armed thugs in front of him. Both shooting at him, but the bullets simply bounced off his titanium armor.
Raven suddenly realized what day it was. 'Oh, Azar… please don't let me relive this memory again! Anything but this!'
But behind her, she heard the sound of more gunfire. She knew what would happen if she turned around. Yet she did. And she turned to see herself. Fighting armed thugs all around her with her black ethereal energy.
This had been the day a whole gang had taken over a bank. They had been stealing the money inside so they could run their illegal drug cartel more effectively. They hadn't been special or anything. They'd only been armed with pistols, knives, and small rifles. It should have been an easy fight for the Titans.
What they hadn't counted on was the numbers that were inside waiting for them. At the onset, Robin had been forced to drop a rather large smoke grenade. Just so that way they'd have enough cover for them to get up close to fight without having to worry about getting shot. As Raven had seen.
The other Titans couldn't keep track of all their enemies though, because of the smoke. There had been at least fifty to deal with. Robin had taken a knife to his left arm. Punching the guy who did it into a wall. Starfire and Cyborg's tough skin had allowed them to get through the fight mainly unharmed by the knives and bullets.
The only ones who had to be careful were Beast Boy, Raven, and Robin. And that day, she hadn't been careful.
Raven watched as a dark fist knocked another one of the thugs in front of her back into a wall. As she raised a shield on her right side to block a volley of bullets at the same time. Before she turned to fight them.
What she hadn't seen were the two thugs on her left. Now behind her. Rifles up, loaded, and ready to fire in her direction.
Time seemed to slow down for Raven as she watched. As their small fingers pulled down on the triggers. Two bullets coming out of their deadly weapons. Both heading towards Memory Raven.
'RAVEN!' Echoed really loudly inside Raven's mind. Along with several different emotions. The first being shock, then panic, followed by fear. The last one being a sense of calm, that overshadowed all his other emotions.
And then she saw him. Diving out of the mist above her. Right into the path of the two bullets. As Memory Raven turned to the left as she heard the shots. Just in time to realize what was happening.
The two rounds entered Beast Boy. The first one going into the right side of his chest. The second one into his abdomen. Just below his stomach. Blood came flying out from the two fatal wounds as the force of the two bullets pushed Beast Boy back into Raven.
Memory Raven was to shocked to react at first. The thugs laughing at their luck. Before the thugs could fire again though, a glowing raging Tamaranean, a furious metallic cyborg, and a pissed off Robin converged on the two thugs. Their shrieks of pain flew out into the air. Actually scaring some of the still standing gang members to flee outside. Begging to be taken by the police before the Titans got to them as well in their rage.
Memory Raven finally snapped out of her shock as she tried desperately to heal Beast Boy's wound. Only, her emotions had been in to much conflict to work then. Anger was clearly written on her face. Along with a tad trace of fear. Raven winced at the words that came out of her memory's mouth.
"Why the hell would you do that! Why would you jump in front of those two bullets! I could have taken it just fine! I can at least heal myself! But you freaking can't! So why would you do such a stupid idiotic thing!" It had been, the first time since the incident, that she had actually said something to Beast Boy that was longer than a single sentence.
Beast Boy was looking a little weak and pale from blood loss. As more blood pooled on the ground beneath him. Mixing with Memory Raven's cloak. But he still managed to lift his head to look her in the eyes to say one last thing. "You wouldn't forgive me, and I promised myself you would… even if it was the last thing I ever did."
And then he passed out in her arms. The memory already fading away in the light that carried a sad Raven away from it all. But this time, it was a light. That was slowly becoming more darkness, than light. As it made her surroundings disappear, Raven still heard the last thing she said as Beast Boy passed out.
"No! GARFIELD!"
And then, it vanished. Leaving Raven back on the trail that was Beast Boy's memories. Raven had tears in her eyes at watching the replay of possibly one of the worst memories in her mind. The only things that tied with it being Malchior and her Father.
Beast Boy's memory might have ended there.
But Raven's didn't.
She vividly remembered almost every, single, excruciating moment in the days following the fight. After Beast Boy passed out, Raven's emotions had been even more whacked up, making her unable to focus on anything. Much less, healing.
She had been forced to sit back and try to meditate while Cyborg, Robin, and Starfire had worked hard to keep Beast Boy alive. Starfire had asked why she couldn't heal him, and she said the truth. Her powers were simply not working for her then.
After fifteen minutes, they had him stable enough to transport him back to the tower. By way of one of Raven's portals thanks to some quick meditation. She had continued to meditate in her room while Cyborg and Starfire worked on Beast Boy. Robin having to stay behind to deliver his report to the Chief of Police.
It took Raven two hours before she felt she was finally calm enough for her to use her healing abilities again. But when she had walked into the infirmary, her emotions had almost went haywire again at the sight before her. Beast Boy looked to be attached to every single machine in the infirmary. Several IV's and nearly empty blood bags hanging all around his sickly pale green body.
After she calmed down, she had started to heal him. It had taken her four hours for her to heal him enough so he could at least live through the night. But by then, she had been exhausted. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. Which was a rare thing for her. It took several more days of meditation and working on Beast Boy. There had been a couple times she was afraid that he'd… die. But finally, a week after he had been shot, he was all healed up.
But that hadn't meant he'd woken up right afterwards. And it was here where Raven's memory of what happened became a little blurry.
The light faded away. Dropping Raven off in the Titan's Infirmary. She instantly knew where she was this time. Since she had just been thinking about it just now. It was most likely a week after she finished. Meaning it had been two weeks since he had been shot.
Beast Boy laid in a gurney. He no longer looked pale to her, nor did he have all the machines and IV's attached to him anymore. He only had the heartbeat monitor attached to his chest now. If he had memories of this, Raven finally concluded that it was two weeks after the fight. It was, after all, the first time he finally woke up. And she wouldn't be seeing this if he was still unconscious.
His heartbeat monitor beeped a little faster. And his eyes scrunched up a little before they finally opened. He must have been coming to when his memory started here. He gripped the side of his head. As if he was fighting against a great pain.
"Ohhhh, I thought I got shot in my midsection. So how is the side of my head hurting?" He said to himself. Confirming that his head, was in fact, in a great deal of pain. The heartbeat monitor was going normal speed now, indicating that he was awake. It was likely to be reaching a certain Cyborg's arm monitor by now.
As if on cue, the door slid open. Revealing a very excited looking Cyborg. He took one look in and smiled while opening up his arm. The one that had beeped at him when his heart rate sped up to normal. "Everyone get to the infirmary! The little grass stain has finally decided to rejoin the land of the living!" He shouted. Making Beast Boy hold on to his head a little tighter.
"Cyborg, do you mind keeping your voice down?" Beast Boy asked him in a rather pained voice.
Cyborg just grinned widely at him. "No way man! Do you know how long you've even been out of it! We were actually afraid you'd never wake up after little Rae healed you! It's going to be impossible for me to lower my voice at this point with how excited I am!" Cyborg said loudly in reply. Running into the room and giving his best friend a tight hug.
Raven could feel happiness, annoyance, and confusion coming off the changeling. Along with a little pain in the side of her head as well. Somehow, she was also feeling the pain he was feeling. Which was weird since she hadn't felt pain when he was shot. Although, this pain did feel familiar to her for some reason.
Beast Boy was still holding the side of his head. The pain only increasing tenfold with the added hug by his metallic friend. "Cyborg. Can you at least give me a couple painkillers before-"
"Eeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" A loud squeal came from the open doorway. Before he could even register the pain he felt in his ears from that alone, he felt Cyborg ripped away from him. Followed by a pair of strong, orange arms being wrapped firmly around his now healed chest. Effectively squeezing every last inch of air out of his lungs. It was, to Raven, quite the sight to see. As a matter of fact, she was starting to wonder why she couldn't remember something as funny as this. It was all she could do to keep herself from laughing at the sight.
"Oh friend! I was so the worried that you would stay the sleeping for such a long period of time! I was in the fear that you would never wake up! But now you're awake! And I feel the better now knowing you have rejoined as Cyborg said 'The Land of the Living!'" A look of confusion spread across the girl's face. "Does that mean you were dead before, and not the sleeping? What was it like? Did you see X'Hal while you where there? Is she the gorgeous !s my people proclaim?..."
Starfire continued to ramble on and on with her questions. Seemingly unaware that Beast Boy's face was starting to actually change colors. From his normal green to a dark blue. He was trying desperately to say something to get her to let go. Although that would mean he'd have to have air to push out of his lungs to speak. Since at the current moment, he had none whatsoever.
It ended up with Cyborg having to be the one to rescue him.
"Starfire! Are you trying to kill the poor grass stain or something! He's just barely come back from the brink of death already!" He shouted at her. Making Beast Boy's headache even worse.
Starfire finally seemed to notice what was happening to Beast Boy. And quickly jumped off of him, releasing him from her death grip. A look of shame coming onto her face as Beast Boy took in deep, deep breathes. Trying to resupply his body with the Oxygen it was deprived of before it could rebel. Not once he had thought about morphing into an animal to escape Starfire's death hug.
"I am sorry dear friend. Sometimes, I forget just how strong I can be at times." She said bowing her head at him.
Despite the amount of pain Beast Boy was feeling. From his chest (most likely a cracked rib or two), his ringing eardrums, and his head. He still managed to make a smile for her. "It's okay Star. I'm just glad you were at least happy to know I was still alive."
Starfire's ashamed look disappeared. Almost looking as joyful as before. "Now Cyborg. Before any more loud noises can happen. CAN YOU GET ME SOME DAMN PAIN MEDICENE!" He shouted loudly in anger to him at the end.
Ten seconds later, Beast Boy had a couple aspirin and a glass of water put in his hands. A very shaken Cyborg stepping back to allow him to take it.
It was about ten seconds later, as the pain started to dull away, when a voice spoke up from the hallway. "I was almost starting to think I'd have to find a replacement for you."
Beast Boy looked up. Seeing Robin walk in through the still open doorway. "Yeah right Rob. I doubt you could find anyone that could ever replace me." He laughingly replied to him.
Robin let out a smile. Showing he was truly glad to see that Beast Boy was okay. Since the only other person he really smiled at on the team was Starfire. "I'm just happy to see I won't have to go through all that paperwork after all. I already have enough going through the crimes committed in this city. It could have taken me weeks to get to yours for all I know." He mockingly replied.
To which Beast Boy let a fake hurt look take over his face. "Hey!"
Everyone in the room started to laugh. Raven was feeling all the happiness and relief coming off of Beast Boy now. The pain in his head slowly disappearing. But then, she felt a slight rise of pain in the side of her head again. Causing her to frown.
Suddenly, Beast Boy stopped laughing. Also feeling the sudden rise in pain as well. Beast Boy then looked up confused, realizing something. "Wait, where's Raven?" He asked.
Everyone stopped laughing. Their faces suddenly looking as though they didn't want to really answer that question at the moment. Internally, each Titan was debating inside their heads what they should tell him. Raven was also curious at this point, because everything that had happened so far wasn't even a tad bit familiar to her.
Finally, Cyborg decided he should just tell the truth. "Man, she's meditating in that creepy dark room of her's still. She hasn't even come out of there since the day she finished healing you." Robin and Starfire looked at Cyborg as though he was crazy.
Beast Boy became confused. "Isn't that normal? It couldn't have been more than a few hours since she finished. Healing always takes a lot out of her-" He stopped speaking when he saw all their faces pale at what he said. "It has been only a few hours… right?" He said in a rather scared tone. Raven was feeling a little scared as well.
There was a tense silence growing inside the room. As the rest of the team tried to find the right way to say it without him blowing up. Raven could feel his fear growing by the second, along with a sense of dread inside herself.
Cyborg finally replied, deciding it would be better if he just heard the truth. "BB, you've been in here for two weeks. And Raven… she finished healing you seven days ago."
The team awaited his reaction. Wondering how he would react to the news. Would he sit back in shock? Would he exclaim angrily? Would he want to get out of the bed? They all prepared themselves for the scenarios they could think of.
'Seven days… she's locked herself in her room… for the past… seven... whole… DAYS!'
Beast Boy morphed into a flea. Catching the other Titans off guard as he disappeared. Also, all the wires hooking him to the heartbeat monitor came off, freeing his body from what could have slowed him down. And then in less than a second, a green falcon appeared on the bed and flew out the door. Way too quickly for the team to stop it.
"Beast Boy! You gotta calm down man! You just barely woke up!" Cyborg shouted after him. Quickly running out the doorway, trying to run after him.
Light surrounded Raven, but instead of taking her away, it dragged her alongside Beast Boy. Shocking her for a moment. Beast Boy stopped at the corner of the hall and morphed back into himself. Sending a glare back towards Cyborg that made him, Robin, and Starfire stop in their tracks.
"I don't care if I just woke up dude. I'm feeling just fine. I'm not sure you can say the same thing about Raven though." He said in a harsh, bitter voice to his best friend. Before he morphed back into a falcon. As Raven was dragged along behind him, she took one last look down the hallway towards her teammates. They were standing in the doorway, guilty looks plastered onto their faces. And then the wall blocked off her view of them. She heard no footsteps running after them.
Beast Boy flew quickly through the halls of the tower. Taking the quickest route he knew from the infirmary to Raven's room.
'Why the hell would they just leave her alone in that room of hers!? Sure I'd understand I'd it was one day, or even two! BUT SEVEN! Was I really that much more important to the team than Raven!?' Raven heard him shouting angrily inside his mind.
In less than a minute, he was in front of her door. Pounding his fist on it. Still a bit angry with his teammates and taking it out on the solid piece of metal. He was therefore shocked, when a deep, guttural voice yelled from inside.
"How many times do I have to tell you foolish mortals! Don't you dare bother me or waste my time on some useless task unless -"
"Raven, it's me." Beast Boy interrupted. Knowing full well that she was most likely in her demon form now.
A moment of silence came. She had stopped yelling at least. But Raven was worried. Maybe she hadn't remembered this because her anger had gotten the best of her.
But then, the sound of footsteps could be heard coming towards the door. And slowly, it slid open, revealing the memory of Raven behind it. Both Beast Boy and Raven stepped back in shock at her appearance. She definitely had no memory of ever looking like this before.
And it honestly disgusted Raven.
Memory Raven's hair was stuck to her head. Looking like a can of grease had been dropped on it. Lathered in, and left to dry in the heat of a thousand suns. Her skin was paler than normal, making her look almost like a ghost of herself. And her body was hunched over a little. Obviously shouting out the pain her stomach was feeling for not eating in so long. Her uniform and cloak had holes and slash marks all over it. And hung off her thin, sickly looking body.
The worst part though was her bloodshot eyes. Making the purple in them stand out against the lighting of the hallway. There was also a trail of tears running down each of her cheeks. She was still crying without Raven having even realizing it.
Raven was looking at the tears in shock. She never cried over anything. Not even when she found out Azarath had been destroyed by her father. She couldn't even remember a time when she had ever cried before.
'How does he remember this, when I can't.' She thought to herself.
Beast Boy looked like he wanted to say something. When Memory Raven was suddenly gripping him in a hug that caught him off guard. Crying softly into his shoulder as she did so.
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry for not forgiving you. It was childish of me to do such a thing and you almost died because of it." Raven wailed into his shoulder. Continuing to cry into the shocked changeling's chest.
Beast Boy was in shock. 'She's crying, she's apologizing, she's actually hugging me out in the hallway. I can't be dreaming or something? Can I?'
But unlike before, He didn't pull away. Because somehow he knew. It was just too real for this to be a dream. It might as well have been for Raven though since she couldn't remember it. Beast Boy brought his hand up, caressing the back of her head as he spoke in a soothing voice to her. Having finally gotten over the shock.
"It's okay Raven. I'm all right now. You managed to heal me up real well. Besides, I still shouldn't have said those hurtful words to you in the first place. That was wrong of me to do. If I had known what the results of it would have been. I would have never said, much less, thought about saying those words to you." He said in a soft, comforting tone into her ear.
It took a while. Leaving Raven to awkwardly stand to the side as she watched Beast Boy comfort herself. She was starting to wonder if she was in her right state of mind then. And if all this had only been just a dream or not. But eventually, Memory Raven calmed down enough for Beast Boy to gently carry her back into her bedroom. And set her down onto her soft, comfotable bed. But it still took another few minutes of him holding her in his arms, and whispering soft, comforting words that everything was okay. To get her to stop crying.
It was probably then that Raven and Beast Boy noticed something odd. Memory Raven's cloak wasn't it's dark blue color. Rather, it was gray, like a storm cloud. Something finally clicked inside Raven's mind as she suddenly realized why she had no memory of this. Her emotions must have gotten control of her while she was in her room. And the main perpetrator had to have been Timid.
Beast Boy looked Memory Raven in the eyes. "I'm sorry that I pushed you away with my hurtful words Raven. And I'm sorry that my sacrificing myself and almost dying upset you and your emotions." Pause "Timid, I understand that you might think I hate you for Raven acting so cold to me these past few months... Believe me, I know. But you have to understand. I could never hate Raven… ever." He said from deep within his heart.
Memory Raven/Timid looked at him with wide eyes. Beast Boy, didn't hate her! She suddenly felt like crying all over again. Except for this time, it wasn't going to be tears of sadness. It was tears of pure happiness. And with the shift in emotions, Memory Raven's emotions changed her cloak's color from a light gray, to a bright pink that even Starfire would envy. And that Raven wouldn't be caught dead in. Timid was gone, leaving Happy in her place. Smiling widely at Beast Boy as more tears fell from her eyes. A bit of green mixed with the pink, and Happy leaned forward and hugged Beast Boy again.
She said two simple words. "Thank you."
Beast Boy smiled as he replied. "Your welcome… Happy. And was it Brave as well?"
Memory Raven/Happy/Brave let out a small giggle. And then her cloak turned yellow. A pair of glasses appearing on her face as she let go of Beast Boy. No more tears were visible in her eyes now. Rather, she seemed to be calm and collected. Beast Boy, recognizing her intellectual side, opened his mouth to ask a question about what was going on. But she cut him off before he could.
"You don't have to worry about Raven right now Garfield. Your presence alone has helped to restabilize all of her core emotions. They were to say… very distressed. But now that we know you're okay, we're all going back to Nevermore where we belong." She said in a brisk tone to him.
He looked at her confused. "But what about the way she… well you, look right now." He asked, pointing out… well all of her.
Knowledge looked at herself in the mirror from the bed. "It doesn't look like nothing a simple healing trance won't fix." She simply replied. Looking back to Beast Boy.
Raven was now sharing in his confusion. The memory of Knowledge must have somehow known that he would be confused by that as well. "Raven most likely forgot this, since she rarely uses her healing trance. And she learned this a long time ago. But while she is in a healing trance, everything in her body heals and becomes like it is new and healthy. Right?"
Beast Boy nodded. Showing he did kind of understand it. "What it also does at the same time, is help clean and take care of all of her body needs at the same time."
Beast Boy, and Raven's eyes opened wide on the revelation. Raven felt like hitting her head against a wall now. No wonder she didn't remember this, nor did she look like what she did now. "So in other words, it'd be like these last few days never happened to her?" Beast Boy said in the form of a question. Hoping he had understood.
She smiled a little at his reply. "Yes, if she has enough energy to enter the healing trance. She could go days without proper hygiene, food, and water, and enter her healing trance. And come out of it looking as if she hadn't been killing herself for the last few days. Although there is a limit to how many times she can do this at a time. Eventually, she would need to eat or drink something. Otherwise, she'd end up using all the energy in her soul self."
Beast Boy smiled a little, now knowing that Raven would be just fine. But then his face became scared as he realized something else. "Wait, what if Raven remembers all of this! Would that mean she'd never want to speak to me again! She never likes it when we see her at her weakest!" He said in a scared voice.
Memory Knowledge tilted her head, appearing to be in deep thought. "Usually, when Rage takes control, she has no memory of what's happened. But all of us other emoticlones aren't Rage in the slightest. Although she still showed up a couple times this past week when someone tried to talk to us and get her to come out. I'm left to assume that Raven will have no memory of what has happened here. Unless one of us is to tell her, or show it to her."
Raven stood stock still. Digesting the words she heard her emoticlone say in her mind. Beast Boy spoke again. "Knowledge, how can I keep something like this from Raven?"
Her reply was simple. "Just wait until you think she's ready to hear it from you."
He became frustrated. "And when in the world would that be, by any chance. When hell freezes over." He said sarcastically at the end.
Her face became stern. "First off, if that was to happen, then the Earth would be a dead planet then. And to answer your question, I'd say sometime after when you're ready to confess your feelings to her."
His heart stopped. And Raven felt hers stop too. She wasn't sure if it was because it happened to him, or if she was feeling it herself. 'She knew! And she never thought of telling me!'
"B-But how did you-"
She raised her hand. Stopping him from speaking any further. "I wish I had more time to answer your questions Beast Boy. But Raven's consciousness is starting to regain some control. Unless you want her to see you in her room, looking the way she is, I'd suggest that you get out of here and let me enter the healing trance. I'd also suggest you go back to the infirmary and tell your friends not to mention to Raven that you came to see her today."
Beast Boy opened his mouth to speak. Closed it. Opened it again. And then let out a sigh as he walked towards the door of the room. Raven watched as he went. "Can you at least tell me if Raven likes me back or not?" He called over his shoulder.
No answer came his way. He took it as all the proof he needed.
'Her emoticlones knew. Could that mean she knows as well. Could that be why she acts the way she does around me? Does this mean that she truly, with all her heart, hates me?' Raven felt her heart wrench inside herself. She couldn't take this anymore. Beast Boy liked her. Her! A half demon that had been prophesied to destroy all life in the universe. Who, for a moment, had doomed it to that. Who was nicknamed 'that creepy witch' by the people of Jump City. With a tongue sharp enough to cut straight to the heart.
And yet, he had still developed feelings for her, of all people. He could have had someone like Terra. But he had chosen her. 'I don't hate him. I never could hate him.'
Pause 'Why was I cursed with having these powers!? Why am I forced to hide from my own emotions in fear of hurting someone!? Why couldn't I have told Beast Boy I liked him when I finally figured it out for myself!? Why did I have to push him away again?! Why?!… Why?!...'
'WHY!?'
Both of their questions were left unanswered, as Beast Boy walked out the doorway. As it slid shut, a light that was more dark than white appeared. Surrounding a now crying Raven. Now, she was crying. The first time she could honestly remember doing such a trivial thing. Meant to expel chemicals from the body that came when a person was overwhelmingly sad. And it was happening to Raven. She knew for sure now, without a single doubt. Beast Boy truly loved her. And she had pushed him away in fear that he'd reject her.
In her mind, she felt the rest of the missing memory appear. All that Knowledge had withheld from her, and what Beast Boy hadn't been able to see. All of it appeared in her mind's view as she cried into her hands.
The door slid closed. And Knowledge laid back on the bed. Ready to go into the trance before Raven's mind took over again. When Affection spoke to her from within Nevermore.
"He thinks we hate him." She said in a sad voice.
"I know Affection. I know." She also sadly replied. Having to tell him to leave and not answer his question had been the hardest thing she had ever done.
"So why didn't you tell her she doesn't hate him at least? This could have been our chance to be with him? You know how we all feel about him. Heck, even Rage smiles whenever his name is mentioned." She added.
Sigh "Affection. You know above all that it has to come from Raven herself. And that she needs to find out about it on her own. Otherwise, you, me, and all the rest of us in here, including Raven, will never be able to be truly happy with him."
"But he thinks we hate him! And I hate seeing him look so sad and lonely with that Knowledge. I just want to at least let him know we don't hate him." A sniffle came in at the end.
"So do I Affection… so do I. More than anyone could ever know."
No one else spoke up from Nevermore. And with that, Knowledge entered Raven's body into the healing trance. Time passed, erasing all the imperfections away from Raven's body. Like fresh was peeling away all the grime from a car. So to, was Raven's sickly thin body healed up. Her skin and muscles healing and stretching back out, being rehydrated as time moved on. Somehow even including all the grease in her hair. From within Nevermore, Knowledge gathered the memory of that past week from the others. And sealed it in a chest in the center of her domain. Making sure Raven wouldn't know until the time was right.
The memory in her mind stopped. She was still crying, unable to understand what Knowledge had meant. All she did learn, was that her feelings for Beast Boy had started a long time ago. And she had been to blind to see it.
She pulled her face out of her hands. And looked around herself, wondering where the next memory was. And found the light almost completely gone around her. The darkness almost completely taking over the light. She didn't feel any shifting ground beneath her feet. It was almost like there weren't any more memories for her to see. Maybe she had finally made it to the end of the chain.
She knew nothing major had really happened in the months following… well that. She had remembered waking up, feeling nice and refreshed. And then telling Beast Boy she had decided to forgive him. If he didn't ever risk his life to save hers again. He had decided to thank her by making her a sandwich and some tea. Which, strangely, she had devoured ravenously right in front of him. But he had never said anything about it to anyone. And everything had seemed normal to her after that. At least, she thought it had to her.
Now she was questioning everything that had happened in those later months.
'Was he trying to see if I truly hated him? Was that why he tried to hang out with me more often? Why he said things to get my reaction? … Or was he trying to find the best time to tell me his feelings as Knowledge said?... Azar where is he! I can't take one more of these memories!'
Raven looked out in front of her again at the remaining light around her. The small bit of light was still disappearing. All focusing on a small point in the middle of the darkness in front of her. The sides and back of her vision being completely dark.
Now, it was down to the size of a small door. Floating about two feet in the air. She looked around herself. There was black, inky darkness everywhere. The only thing she could see now being the fading light. And soon, even that would be gone if it's rate of disappearance continued.
Was she doomed to stay stuck in this place forever? Was she to never see Beast Boy again? To never tell him how she had felt about him?
Finally, when the light had shrunk to the size of a doorknob, it stopped shrinking. Hovering in it's place a little in front of Raven. She felt like something that had been holding her back from her place had released it's grip. And she stumbled forward, almost falling onto her knees in the process.
She looked up, and saw white lines piercing the darkness. Making a rectangle around the small sphere of light. The sphere of light being located on the inside far right in the middle of the glowing rectangle. 'A… doorway?' Raven thought.
Now she had seen plenty of strange things while in Beast Boy's mind. Even learning things about herself that she hadn't known… or realized before. So a doorway that might lead to Beast Boy at last seemed to good to be true to her.
But still, there was a chance, no matter how small. And so she leaned forward. And grabbed the lighted door handle.
The doorway, and the darkness around her, disappeared. She dropped several feet onto something that felt rocky. And she looked, and was shocked to find herself in a place that she knew all to well.
Author's Notes:
Mwahahahaha! I decided to be evil here and cut the fun short. I have no idea when the next update is going to come out. Or what I'm going to include for the next chapter. Only that it is going to be as freaking awesome as this one!
So the reason for the chapter title. I figured that when Raven loses control of her emotions in a rather big way, she has no memory of it. Unless her emoticlones choose to show her of course. So she ends up stumbling on a forgotten memory, which I would say came up at the right time. When she was finally ready to accept that he loved her.
So yeah, I hoped you all liked it. Because this story will soon come to the climax. And then the aftermath of all this needless drama. Perhaps a sequel?
Till Next Time
Allen