Alec had always been told to work harder, to be smarter, fight better. And he tried, he tried so hard but he'd never been quite good enough for his parents.
He liked archery, but with his mother watching him closely it became a source of more pressure. He could feel her disappointment from across the room when he missed his target, or didn't pull the string back far enough.
Occasionally she would smile and tell him to keep practicing, that he was getting better, and that drove him forward, eager to please her.
But then Jace came along, perfect soldier, perfect son, and Alec couldn't begin to compare. He watched his mother smile as her new child surpassed him, and everyone else, in every class and test they had.
Only Izzy could beat him through intelligence and they'd laugh as they compared their marks. But Alec was left desperate to please his parents and prove he could still make them proud.
He'd always been told to do his best.
"Make us proud Alexander. Live up to the lightwood name."
But his best wasn't good enough. He asked Izzy about it, how she could be so okay with being in Jace's shadow but she'd only replied in a sad tone.
"You get used to it. I've never made our parents proud." Then she lifted her chin and flicked her whip across the room, the end wrapping around a knife that had been impaled on the wall, pulling it towards her and catching it expertly in her hand.
"Don't let it hold you back."
But Alec couldn't let it go. It killed him a little more inside, every time his mother ignored him for a son that wasn't even hers. He threw himself into his training, spending hours firing arrows and testing himself until his hands were raw and bloodied.
When he finally went to his mother, to show her how much he had improved, she only grimaced.
"You shouldn't spend all your time on archery. A good shadowhunter can use any weapon needed to kill their enemy. A bow and arrow won't always work. Look at Jace. He could use practically any weapon he liked in this armoury. Try to be more like your brother, Alec."
So, Alec would. He'd be more like Jace.
Just a few weeks later, he got his chance to prove it. A werewolf escaped her cuffs in the institute and ran rampant through the halls, sending shadowhunters sprawling to stop her.
Alec had been training, trying to improve his skills with a seraph blade, and saw the beast creep into one of the bedrooms.
His first thought was to alert an adult, to let them handle it. But his mother's words rang through his head. Jace wouldn't have ran, he would have taken care of it himself.
Alec clenched his jaw and whispered the swords name, lighting the blade like fire, before following the wolf.
He was only thirteen, and on the shorter side and the wolf was so big it could have swallowed him whole. Alec thought of Jace again and tightened his grip on his sword, knuckles turning white on the hilt.
He took a deep breath as he crept into the room before he charged the wolf, running at it with his blade raised. The beast hadn't seen him coming, and Alec's blade carved through fur and flesh, tearing a gaping wound in her side. She howled in pain and swiped a giant paw towards Alec, sending him crashing into the wall.
The shadowhunters world went white with pain as he fell to the ground, head smacking the stone floor. He managed to stay conscious long enough to see some older Nephilim take down the werewolf, before a blonde head appeared in front of him.
Jace shook his shoulder, worriedly kneeling down beside his brother as he called his name.
"Alec! Say something!"
The boy's eyes were open but his vision was so blurry, and his whole body screaming in pain, he could do nothing but groan.
Jace took his hand in his and talked to him until help came.
"It's going to be okay, Alec. The wolfs gone now, you'll be okay."
Alec passed out staring into Jace's terrified eyes.
Jace and Izzy were by his side when he woke, sore and stiff in an infirmary bed, and Jace smiled brightly at the sight of his older brother awake again.
"Alec, your back! I can't believe you took on that werewolf by yourself!" His smile faded a little and turned to something sadder.
"You almost died. Why didn't you get mom and dad?"
Alec looked down at the hand Jace was still holding and tried not to sound as miserable as he felt.
"Mom said I should be more like you. You wouldn't have gotten hurt. You would have stopped it."
Jace looked confused and shook his head.
"Alec, I saw where the wolf was going. I went and got help."
Alec felt his heart sink. He'd gotten it wrong, he'd disappointed them again. He looked up as Jace started laughing.
"I was trying to be more like you! I wanted to fight the werewolf but Maryse is always saying I'm too reckless, that I needed more control. She said I need to follow the rules like you do."
Alec started laughing too. They'd been playing opposites without even realising.
Jace sat eagerly forward, eyes bright with curiosity.
"What was it like fighting a werewolf? Did you see it transform? Did it bite you?"
Alec looked down at himself, noting the cast on his arm and bandages around his chest.
"It was so scary. It was even bigger in person than dad said from his stories. I stabbed it with my seraph blade and it didn't even stop it."
Jace's eyes widened as he rocked back in his seat, seeming to explode with excitement.
"No way, you stabbed it! That's so cool! I can't believe my brother fought a werewolf!"
Alec laughed, pleased at the pride in Jace's voice.
Jace shook his head in disbelief before excitedly pointing to Alec's arm.
"Oh, check it out. I got to sign your cast first."
Alec looked down and smiled. Jace's handwriting was sloped across the plaster next to Izzy's neat words.
Alec had always looked up to Jace, ever since he'd met him, and thought it would always be that way. But as he looked down at the smudged ink he knew his brother would always be proud of him.
Even a werewolf couldn't beat my Parabatai!
And that was all he needed.