Minutes turned to hours and hours turned to days as Alec waited for Magnus to return. He didn't want to believe Magnus wasn't coming back. Everyday he tried in vain to contact Caterina or even Magnus by fire message but never received any response. Alec didn't want to leave the apartment. It felt like if he left he'd be admitting Magnus wasn't coming back.

Knock… knock.

Alec was sitting on the couch, staring at the wall. His thoughts had been frozen between disbelief and blind hope since Magnus had left. Alec couldn't help but remember when Magnus had broken up with him after he'd been secretly meeting Camille. Alec thought he'd known heartbreak then but this was worse. Last time Alec had been at least partly to blame and Magnus had still remembered their time together. Knowing all their years of happiness after Edom and all their time before was erased, felt like a blade of ice to the heart.

Knock… knock.

If it was Caterina she would have portaled in. This was Magnus's apartment. He wouldn't knock. There was no one else Alec care to see at the moment. Alec didn't move.

Knock… knock… bang!

"I know you're in there Alec," Jace's voice came through the door. "Open up or I am breaking down the door."

Alec seriously considered just sitting there and watching Jace turn Magnus's front door into ruble. Then he got up, dislodging Chairmen from his lap, and opened the door. Jace was there, in a towering temper.

"What the hell man!" Jace yelled. "You haven't replied to a single message. Haven't been to the institute in days! I was starting to worry you were dead!"

"I'm fine," Alec replied but he couldn't put any emotion into his voice.

"Clearly you are not," Jace said storming in through the door without an invite.

"Oh yes," Alec said sarcastically. "Do please come in."

"I did," Jace replied curtly. "What's wrong?" Alec gestured to the large space around them, that was the majority of Magnus's New York apartment, trying to show what the problem was.

"You aren't making any sense buddy," Jace sighed.

"Who is missing?" Alec growled.

"Is Magnus out?" Jace asked.

Alec expression must of said more than he'd realized because one look and Jace's eyes went wide. "Did you guys break up again?" Jace asked. Alec laughed but it was a humorless noise.

"I wish," Alec muttered.

"I remember how miserable you were the first time," Jace replied softly. "Why would you wish for something like that."

"Because," Alec said this time with anger. "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

"Did you just answer me with a quotation?" Jace asked.

"I've been reading Magnus's library," Alec mumbled. After Alec had finished crying his eyes out, until he couldn't cry anymore, Magnus's books had caught his eye. Alec had flipped through the pages for hours on end, trying to escape his pain in the words. Alec had also taken to wearing Magnus's clothes.

"Ok-ay," Jace said slowly clearly deciding to just move on. "What does it mean?"

"It means the man I love has no idea who I am," Alec said, feeling the tears pulling in his eyes. Saying it out loud hurt.

"How is that possible?" Jace asked. Alec throw his arms in the air and collapsed onto the couch.

"Your guess is as good as mine," Alec said. He didn't say the words that were haunting him. He didn't want to tell Jace that Magnus thought he'd purposely given up his memories of Alec for a reason.

"I don't have a demon to hunt," Alec whined. "No revenge to take since I don't know how or why I have lost him. I just know I have."

"I'm sorry," Jace said, sitting on the floor beside Alec who was still laying on the couch.

"Caterina went to try and find out why," Alec continued. Maybe he had needed to talk about this. "But this is complicated warlock magic I know nothing about." Alec felt the tears flow down his cheeks as he said, "I am so lost."

Jace's turned and put a comforting hand on Alec's shoulder. Alec knew his parabatai wanted nothing more than to help, to take Alec's pain away, but there was nothing Jace could do and they both knew it. Even so, Jace hung out with Alec for the rest of the day, he must of texted the others since Clary and Izzy soon joined them about an hour later. Alec appreciated the company, but no matter how many people were around him, he felt alone without Magnus.

Over the next few weeks Alec's family tried to get him out of the house on occasion, usually to kill demons. Alec felt too numb to argue with them. What did it matter if he went out or not really? After all, Magnus was Magnus, and if the High Warlock of Brooklyn wanted to contact you, he found a way no matter where you were. Since Magnus clearly didn't want to see Alec, it didn't really matter.

"Alec!" his sister's voice punctured his thoughts. "Alec! Earth to Alec!"

"What Iz?" Alec said swatting away Izzy's hand away. She had been waving it in front of his face.

"You aren't listening to a word I am saying are you?" Izzy sighed.

"Sorry what?" Alec said turning around to face his sister.

"Nevermind," Izzy sighed. "I know something about loving someone who can't remember you, is all."

"Thanks," Alec said softly. "But Simon lost his memories to save us all and he is trying to get them back, right now, at the academy. What happened with Magnus is different."

"Simon still looks through me though," Izzy replied. "I do know what that's like."

"Iz," Alec whispered. "I am starting to think-" He knew he should say it, knew he needed to say it. If he didn't say the words out loud they would eat him alive. "What if Magnus did lose his memories on purpose? What if he decided he didn't want to love me anymore?"

"You can't think like that Alec," Izzy said quickly.

"How can I not," Alec sobbed. "He as good as said it before he left Iz."

"What did he say exactly?" Izzy asked calmly.

"He said: This is just too much," Alec replied. "Maybe I gave up my memories for a reason."

"That could mean anything," Izzy tried to console him.

"Trust me," Alec moaned covering his face with his hands. "In context it meant the reason is you."

"You can't keep beating yourself up Alec," Izzy said putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "Magnus will come back. Just wait a see."

Alec didn't believe her, but as it turned out, Izzy was right. One day Magnus just casually walked in the front door. Alec was only wearing a pair of pajama pants, as he'd just woken up. Jace had tried over and over to get Alec to stay at the institute with them, but Alec was determined to remain living at Magnus's loft.

Alec felt suddenly vulnerable as he stared at Magnus. Emotionally vulnerable was part of it, but he was also very aware that his chest was bare. Magnus looked the same, his hair gelled up in blue spikes, and wearing a red blazer with tight black jeans. Alec missed him so much-all he wanted to do was run into Magnus's arms-but he also wanted to feel those arms wrap around him, and knew that wouldn't happen.

"You came back," Alec whispered awed, moving automatically toward the warlock.

"You're still here?" Magnus asked, surprised.

"Of course," Alec replied.

"I would have thought you'd be back at your institute by now," Magnus said, as he moved farther into the apartment.

"I couldn't leave," Alec said.

"Listen Alec," Magnus said, slightly awkwardly but the look on Magnus's face told Alec all he needed to know.

"Don't," Alec barked quickly, holding his hand up. "I don't want to hear it."

"But you have to," Magnus said not unkindly.

"Why?" Alec asked, tears running down his cheek. He didn't know exactly what Magnus wanted to say, but he knew from his face that it was bad.

"I believe you when you say you love me," Magnus told him softly. "But I don't remember you."

"And you don't even want to try and get to know me?" Alec asked.

"I wouldn't have given up my memories without a reason, Alexander," Magnus said calmly. "And now I think I know why. You are a shadowhunter. You live and breath fighting for your life everyday. Even fragile human mortals outlive shadowhunters. This is probably for the best."

"No!" Alec yelled. Why was Magnus saying this? It had been him, after all, who'd been upset about Magnus's immortality. Why hadn't Magnus cared about this before, if this was really the problem? Alec had been thinking the same thing for weeks, but now that the reality was here, he couldn't believe it.

"What other explanation is there?" Magnus asked.

"Caterina went to figure that out," Alec reminded Magnus. "Just wait for her to return! It might not be what you think."

"I have watched mortals grow old and die around me for centuries," Magnus said, firmly. "Trust me, this is why."

"I refuse to believe that!" Alec yelled. The confidence in his own voice surprised him. "After everything we've been through, you would never do that." This wasn't happening. What little hope Alec had managed to cling to while Magnus had been gone was disappearing.

"Please calm down Alec," Magnus said stoically but Alec had no intention of calming down. Losing the most important person in his life without a fight was not how Alexander Lightwood did things.

Alec faced Magnus, furious and miserable. "You told me once that after me, there wouldn't be a next time," Alec said with all the passion he could muster. "I want to marry you, Magnus. I want to raise children with you. I want to die in your arms when I'm hundred and three surrounded by our grandkids, knowing that you will be there for them after I am gone. I don't care that you won't age and I will. I don't care about what might separates us. I just need you. Without you I am lost." A single tear rolled down Magnus's face but he didn't speak. He moved a step closer and held Alec's cheek, wiping away a tear with his thumb.

"You are rather remarkable Alexander Lightwood," Magnus whispered.

"Stay with me," Alec pleaded.

"I-" Magnus began. Alec sensed a chink in Magnus's armer, an opening. He seized it.

"Please stay," Alec begged. "Just for a day even. Just try." Magnus was looking into Alec's eyes now, and Alec was looking right back. Hope was alive again in Alec's chest as he waited for Magnus's reply.

"Falling in love with those eyes must be rather like drowning," Magnus whispered. Alec had no idea what Magnus meant.

"I love you," Alec whispered, unsure what else to say. "Please don't leave me. Stay."

"The Magnus you knew is already gone," Magnus replied softly.

"No," Alec whispered back. "He is right here in front of me. It's just that he's a little lost. I can help you find him."

"Yes I think you probably can," Magnus said. They'd been moving slightly closer in the last few seconds. Alec leaned forward and kissed Magnus. Alec could taste the salt of their tears but Magnus didn't pull away. Magnus's arms were wrapped around Alec, and the world finally made sense again.

Until Magnus froze. Alec could hear the warlock's heart pounding as he took a few steps back. Alec saw an emotion flash across Magnus's face so fast he couldn't identify it. "I'm sorry Alec, but this isn't going to work. You should just forget about me."

"You kiss me like the world is ending then ask me to forget you?" Alec choked out through his tears.

"Yes," Magnus replied.

"Well that will never happen," Alec said defiantly.

"Never say never," Magnus replied in a sing song voice, his face wiped clear of emotion, but Alec had seen it there in Magnus's face. He'd seen that Magnus could come to love Alec again. Magnus was capable of that, and Alec wasn't giving up. He walked over to the couch and sat down definitely on it.

"I am not moving out," Alec said firmly. If they saw each other every day how long could Magnus hold back?

"I have to say I am not surprised to hear that," Magnus sighed.

"See you know me already," Alec smiled.

"Well I did witness your stubborn nature the first time we met," Magnus replied. "Most people's core personality traits don't change in a matter of weeks."

"Ha!" Alec laughed. "Like you aren't just as stubborn."

"You see my problem?" Magnus sighed. "Though there is an easy solution."

"Yes," Alec smiled. "You could give us a chance." Magnus didn't reply. He simply began to wave his hands and objects from around the room starting moving. A suitcase appeared in front of Magnus, and the objects started to organize themselves neatly into it. Alec stared in horror as he watching Magnus pack. His plans to make Magnus fall in love with him all over again crumbling to pieces before his eyes.

"You're really giving up?" Alec whispered.

"I don't see it as giving up Alexander," Magnus sighed.

"How do you see this?" Alec asked gesturing to the second suitcase that had magically appeared by the first. This suitcase was now also being magically packed in record time.

"I see it as following my own advice," Magnus replied. He snapped his fingers and the suitcase snapped shut, just as the last of Magnus's belongings flew into it. "You can keep the apartment, and my cat as it seems he has adopted you." Chairmen Meow had chosen that time to make his presence known by rubbing up against Alec's leg and giving Magnus a dirty look. "Traitor," Magnus told the cat.

"Have a good life Alec," Magnus told him, sorrowfully, but before Alec could even begin to explain how impossible that was without Magnus, the warlock disappeared through a portal, his suitcases trailing magically behind him.

Alec curled up into a ball on the couch. Chairmen Meow jumped up on his lap and started kneading his stomach. Alec petted the cat absently, still in shock. When the shock wore off, Alec was sobbing his heart out, there on Magnus's couch.

Alec got away with a day alone to wallow before someone came to check on him. He told Izzy what happened in a toneless voice and let her comfort him, though it made little difference. Izzy's presence just reminded Alec of Simon. Simon who was at the shadowhunter academy right now trying to get his memories back. Simon who'd sacrificed all he wanted to save his friends. At least Izzy had that. At least she knew why Simon had done it even if she spent her days waiting and hoping that Simon would remember he loved her. Magnus hadn't even been willing to try.

When the leaders of the New York vampire and werewolf clans, Maia and Lily, showed up to get help from the High Warlock, Alec almost turned them away. But then as they were talking to each other about their problems, a solution came to his mind. Alec found purpose in helping them with their mermaid problem, even if only Maia trusted him. The distraction from his misery was more than welcome.

Eventually Alec gave up on his solitary sulking and took his broken heart back to work. He volunteered for every mission he could get his hands on. Helping Maia and Lily, and fighting demons with Jace, Clary, and Izzy were all that filled his days. He poured all he had into both activities. Lily warmed up to him eventually, Alec suspected it helped that they had Magnus's apartment as neutral territory to meet. Alec observed how close of friends Lily and Maia were, and thought absently it was a step in the right direction. Vampires and werewolves were usually at each other's throats-after all-and the more leaders were on good terms, the better.

Despite the missions and diplomacy that filled his days, Alec's greatest comfort was Chairmen. The cat would come and sit in his lap in the evenings, and Alec could pretend, if only for a moment, that Magnus was still there.

"I wonder where Magnus is?" Alec asked the cat on such an evening. "Do you think he's still in Brooklyn?" Chairmen purred and rubbed Alec's hand. "He is the High Warlock of Brooklyn after all. Does that mean he has to live in Brooklyn do you think?" Alec paused while he listened to the cat purring. "I could track him. I mean he left enough stuff behind but…what would be the point."

"Meow," Chairmen replied.

"I am so glad you're here," Alec told the kitty as he leaned forward and buried his face in Chairmen's fur.

About a week later, a message arrived for Magnus from the academy asking him to guest lecture. Alec throw it out. Magnus didn't live here anymore and he'd left no forwarding address.

Alec couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if Magnus hadn't forgotten him. Would they have gone to the academy together? Or would Magnus have gone on his own. Would they have met up with Simon? Alec hadn't talked to Simon in years, and he knew even less what to say to Simon now than before. He'd lost Magnus despite Simon's sacrifice, but Alec was still glad the warlock lived. Watching Magnus die in Edom would have been so much worse than watching Magnus leave whole and in one piece. A world without Magnus Bane was not a world Alec wanted to live in. Alec thought back to Magnus's expression when he'd decided to die to save them. To save Alec. That was what Magnus had said, 'I have to save you Alec.' How had it come to this?

"Look out!" Izzy yelled. Alec turned, just avoiding a demon attack. Pulling out his bow he fired an arrow into the demon's eye. Looking around, Alec saw that Izzy, Clary and Jace had taken out the rest.

"What the hell Alec!" Izzy yelled.

"Sorry," Alec said. "Got distracted."

They all lectured him about paying attention in a fight for the next half hour, but then Alec was mercifully free. He once again got lost in his memories as he headed home. Jace, Clary, Izzy and even his parents had told him again and again to move out of Magnus's apartment, but Alec always refused. It wasn't just that Chairmen was there - Alec knew he could take the cat with him to the Institute - no, that apartment was where it was easiest to remember Magnus, and Alec wanted to remember. His time with Magnus had been the best days of his life.

Alec went through the motions of his daily life. Wake up, feed the cat, dress, meet someone for something or be recruited to help on something else, then home, sleep, repeat. Alec was currenting somewhere in the middle of his list. Today he'd been asked to help Jace with a vampire den. Someone was breaking the accords.

"If you give up your boss," Jace was telling the snarling vampire. "We will leave peacefully." The pale woman with blood running down her chin didn't reply, other than to try and retreat farther into the shadows. Jace's strategy for vampire missions was to always attack in daylight when possible, since it was far easier to contain a combatant if they couldn't leave the building. "I won't ask again." Jace lifted his seraph blade threateningly into the air.

That's when Alec saw a flash of movement behind his parabatai. He fired an arrow before anyone else in the room had time to blink and they heard a scream. Jace turned to see a vampire, holding a knife that had clearly just missed Jace by inches.

"I see you don't want to make this easy," Jace sighed. "Name now, or I have no use for you."

"Never will I betray-" But she was cut off by Jace's blade. The vampire turned to ash and Jace rounded on the one who'd tried to put a knife in his back.

"Do you want to die as well?" Jace asked. It seemed he didn't. The man's eyes were wide as he stared at the ashes of his comrade. Words poured from him. He gave them all the names they needed, and together Alec and Jace restrained him and went back to the institute.

It was two more days before they tracked down the boss vampire leaving mundane bodies in her wake. Lily was very relieved to have the mess cleaned up without anyone blaming her clan for the acts of some rogue element. She thanked Alec, and even Jace clapped Alec on the back and make a joke to show he appreciated Alec's preventing his spine from being severed. But Alec didn't feel any of it. He was just going through the motions.

There was one moment however when Alec felt something. He was fighting with Izzy, Clary and Jace against a demon. The reports that reached their ears had been rather inaccurate and they were losing ground. Numb or not, Alec valued the lives of his friends more than his own. When his arrows ran out he jumped into the melee to protect them, with his own body if necessary.

"Alec!" Izzy yelled as he moved through the demon's many arms to reach her. He felt the demon's claws across his back but the blow that could have killed his sister was deflected.

"Look out," Clary said as she threw her blade to Alec's left. He didn't bother to turn and look, but he heard the blade impact and the demon's howl.

"We need to fall back," Jace said. "Regroup." But Alec didn't want to. This was a real threat and he wanted to test fate. He pretended to follow them just long enough for his friends to be out of harm's way, then Alec spun round. Sword in hand Alec leapt onto the demon's face and plunged the glowing angelic blade into its eye. It writhed under him but he held on, turning the blade until the creature was still, and finally returned to the hell from whence it came.

Alec fell to the ground, panting hard. He was covered from head to foot in demon ichor, but he was alive.

"What the hell Alec!" Jace roared. From the sound of his voice Jace was running. Alec got up off the ground, and turned to face his furious parabatai.

"Are you actually insane!" Jace yelled.

"We came here to kill a demon," Alec shrugged. "Demon's dead."

"And very nearly you as well!" Jace roared. He grabbed both of Alec's shoulders and shook him forcefully. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Imagine for a moment," Alec whispered. He could see the girls running to join them, but this was only for Jace's hears. "How you'd feel if Clary forgot who you were and then ran out on you without a second thought." Jace froze. His eyes wide in horror because Alec knew exactly what Jace would do.

"I don't care how broken you are," Jace whispered back. "You are not allowed to-"

"Don't be stupid," Alec sighed, throwing Jace's hands off him. "I'd never hurt myself. But as Magnus said, we live dangerous lives." And Alec had no intention of living to hundred without Magnus by his side.

"Alec," Jace tried again but they were interrupted by Clary and Izzy both of whom lectured him. Alec let them lecture him, not really hearing any of it. When they were done, everyone got an iratze and they went home. Jace must of told his parents what happened because suddenly Maryse and Robert began to come round Magnus's apartment just to say hello. Of course, nothing they did or said could change anything.

Until Caterina or Magnus returned, this was Alec's life, going through the motions. His hope that either one of them would return grew less and less each day.

Sorry sorry sorry for the last update! I've had this chapter finished for a while but as I have recently learned, it doesn't matter how fast you write if you beta readers are very busy people. Anyway next chapter is finished so I promise not so long an update next time!

Sneak Peek Chapter 3:

Searching for answers was turning out to be a little tricker than Caterina had hoped. Alec's constantly sending her fire messages asking if she had news did not help. They made her feel guilty for having nothing to tell him. Caterina decided not to reply, hoping no news was better than bad news.

She continued her search, but when Alec's messages told her that Magnus had left him for good she almost returned home to talk to Alec, but what would she say? Sorry I failed, do you want a hug? No, Alec needed answers more than he needed a friend. Alec had Jace, Izzy and Clary for that. Caterina had faith that Alec's family would be there to console him. She had a more important job to do.