"Dean," she began, fully planning to speak more if it hadn't felt like she'd just gotten a swift punch to the gut.
He shook his head. "Come on, it's freezin' out here. Let's go to your room."
She nodded and, on instinct, held her hand out for him to take.
He didn't.
She awkwardly pulled it back, shoving it into her overcoat as they walked up the stairs to the second floor. They walked in silence down to her room. She fumbled with the keys for a moment, her nerves showing as she pushed open the door and walked in.
She heard Dean close the door behind him as he entered, and she walked over to the small kitchenette. "Can I get you something to drink?" she asked, finally looking up at Dean once more.
He was standing still next to the door, his back almost touching it. His jade green eyes were scanning the room. His face fell slightly. "Damn, doll, I didn't know it was this bad," he mumbled.
She shrugged. "It works for now."
He locked eyes with her, an apology hidden in his eyes, like he had done something wrong. Then, he frowned, steeling himself. He then turned to the bed and sat down on the edge of it.
She sighed, turning to face him and leaned heavily against the paper-thin wall, her own legs getting too shaky to full hold her up.
They sat in silence for a few more minutes, unsure of how and where to start. Y/N's eyes traveled over him, looking for any clue he might give as to how much he knew.
"I'm waitin' here, doll."
She swallowed thickly. "What'm I bein' accused of?"
He huffed out a laugh at that. "Forgot you've been interrogated before."
She smiled slightly at that.
He looked up at her. "Well, you aren't steppin' out on me."
She shook her head. "I never could."
His hand came up to rub the back of his neck, a heavy sigh leaving his plush lips. "You and Gabe weren't inspirin' a lot of confidence."
She shifted awkwardly. "I guess not. I tried to tell ya, though."
"Yeah, I know," he conceded.
"Not that it made me look any less guilty."
He gave a real laugh at that, before the room settled back into an awkward silence. He finally looked up at her, his jade eyes locking with her Y/E/C ones. "You're not gonna admit to anything, are you?"
She smiled sadly. "Might be how I got into all this in the first place."
He nodded, a look of acceptance on his face. "Fine. I know you're working with Bobby. That's your secret, isn't it?"
She inhaled sharply, her eyes widening a bit. "Wow, say what you're really thinkin', Dean."
"How long?"
"How'd you find out?"
He ran his tongue over his lips before speaking. "You were takin' a while to get ready last night. Went back to check on ya, heard you and Gabe talkin'. First, it sounded like you two were going behind my back, but then you started talkin' 'bout meetin' with someone, and I thought...I thought there was another guy I didn't even know about."
"Dean," she began, the need to comfort him beginning to take over.
He avoided looking at her, trying to hide the fact that his cheeks were beginning to pinken. "It drove me bonkers. Dropped you off, went home, and I couldn't sleep. I knew you were meetin' him this morning so I…"
"You followed me to Ellen's."
He nodded. "The minute I saw you go into the Roadhouse, I knew who you were meetin'. Ellen and Jo and Ash…"
"They're family too."
He smiled sadly.
"More family you haven't spoken to since startin' at Crowley's."
His expression hardened. "But that's not what we're talkin' 'bout here."
"'Course not," she grumbled.
"How long have you two been meetin'?"
Her eyes fell to the floor. "A month? Month and a half, maybe. Since that night they came to the club."
He was on his feet and in front of her before she could blink. He reached out to grab her arm, his grip strong, but not painful. His face contorted in worry and his voice was strained when he spoke, "You've gotta stop and stop right now. Today was the last time you meet with him."
She frowned. "No, it wasn't."
"Y/N-"
"No, Dean, I have to help him."
"Are you nuts? Have you thought about what Crowley will do to you?"
"It doesn't matter. No one outside the club'll miss me, Dean."
Sadness tinged his expression. "So our feelin's don't matter? Have you thought about how Meg or Chuck or-or the rest of us will feel?"
She gulped, her eyes closing. "Dean, if I do this and it works? Then I can save you, I can get you all out of there."
Dean's other hand came up to cup her cheek. "It's not worth you dyin', sweetheart."
Her eyes opened and locked with his. "'Course it is, Dean."
That seemed to send him spinning. His hands fell away and he took a step back, like she had shoved him.
She took the chance to keep speaking. "When was the last time you saw Sammy? And he's engaged, isn't he? He's gettin' married to this girl, and have you even met her? What about Agent Singer? He's your family, and you can't talk to him without gettin' hurt. Dean, you're the best man I've ever known, and you deserve so much more, and, and if this is the only way I can help you, then-"
"What about what you deserve? You're the one gettin' the short end-a the stick here, doll."
"Dean, what part of 'no one outside the club will miss me' did you not get? You'll all be free to be with your families and-and what about everyone else Crowley ruins? What about those people you and Benny haveta rough up night after night? They'll be helped, too."
He ran his hand down and over his face in frustration. "It doesn't help anyone to lose you, baby."
She walked over to him slowly, like he was a wild animal. He didn't move, not to bring her closer nor push her away. Her hand reached out to link her fingers with his, and he let their fingers entwine as they had a hundred times before. "I'm scared, Dean."
His eyes met hers, and he opened his mouth to speak.
She interrupted him. "I'm terrified of dyin'. Of going to jail. But...you make me brave. I've been a coward my whole life-it's how I've survived. But, with you, I wanna be...I wanna be better. So you gotta let me do this for you. To repay you."
He shook his head. "Pay me back by stayin' alive, doll."
Her free hand made its home at the soft hairs at the back of his neck, pulling him down into a soft kiss. "Dean, I…" she took a deep, shuddering breath. "I love you."
His eyes snapped open, surveying her with such a mix of emotions as to be absolutely, frustratingly unreadable.
She laughed awkwardly. "So that's why I'm doin' this. I'm selfish, Dean. I robbed a bank to make my life better, and I'm doin' this because, as long as you're happy, I'll be happy."
"I…" he trailed off, his brow furrowing as he searched for words.
"So," she pulled herself away from him, putting a full foot of distance between them. "I'm not gonna stop helpin' him. And I'm not gonna ask you to help us, either. But...this is what I'm gonna do, whether you like it or not. And...and I understand if you can't be involved...in...in any way."
He stared at her, and she tried not to falter too much under his intense gaze. Her resolve was iron in this matter, but he might break her if he left, if she had to go on and continue without him. She would let him go if need be, however, if it made him happier.
"God, doll," he breathed. "What am I supposed to do?"
She felt her eyes burn with tears. "I have no idea, Dean. I honestly don't know how I'd do in your shoes."
"That makes two-a us."
She chuckled at that.
Silence reigned again. She stayed silent, letting him absorb everything that had happened, and waiting on pins and needles for his reaction. Her nerves were raw, and she was terrified of his response. What if he left her? What if he stayed? What if he loved her? What if he didn't? She wasn't prepared for anything.
Finally, he spoke. "I need...I need time. To think. To deal with this."
Her Y/E/C eyes watched him as he began to pace. "Okay," she agreed quietly.
"I might have to slug Bobby, bringin' you into this after I told him to stay away."
"Dean, I called him."
"Yeah, after he showed up at the club," he shot back.
"I'm not a kid, I can make my own decisions."
"You're nineteen. And your last decision ended up gettin' you stuck at Crowley's."
"Wasn't the worst decision I coulda made," she frowned, her arms crossing over her chest.
A smile graced his features at that. "Well...I can't argue with that too much."
A small sigh of relief left her at that. "Will we ever be…?"
He stalked over to her, pulling her by her shoulders into a bruising kiss.
She gripped his shirt tightly, afraid that this was goodbye. She faintly heard fabric rip under her hands, but she paid no mind.
He pulled away, her following just a moment before falling back onto her heels.
His usual cocky smile was in place when her eyes opened again. "I should probably tell ya that I'm crazy for you too."
She brightened a bit. "Yeah?"
He shrugged. "Yeah. Can't believe you haven't figured that out. I wouldn't follow just any girl."
"I'm your girl, Dean. Long as you'll have me."
He smiled, pulling her into a tight, bone-crushing hug. "Well then, baby, you're in for the long haul."
Her entire body shook as she sighed heavily in relief, her knees shaking. "Happy to hear it."
"This discussion ain't over."
"The hell it is."
She felt his chest rumble in mild laughter. "But you ain't gettin' rid of me."
"Thank God."