Her second day in the hospital was not at all what she expected. For the most part, she realized that she'd finally felt something other than loneliness for once in her life. Though it was slightly terrifying and she didn't know anyone, Cress still felt… something. And it was a nice sort of something, as though she didn't have to fear for her life and safety anymore. But she still had a lot to work through.
She was nervous when a girl–Scarlet, she'd introduced herself as–asked her if she could hang out for a while. Scarlet had been instructed to do a walk around the palace research wing when she could to get her muscles used to working properly again. That day, she had heard that Cress was awake, and she wanted to see her.
Cress pushed her back into the mattress and gave a nervous smile as the stranger gave her introductions. "What happened to your finger?" Cress had asked.
Scarlet simply shook her head as if she were trying to clear it and grinned. "It was the price I paid for loyalty. But it's no real loss to me. Besides, I quite like this metal pinky. You'd be surprised how necessary your littlest finger is."
She ran her fully-human hand through her bushel of curls. "I hear you don't remember anything."
Cress nodded in reply.
"You and Wolf were great at the palace, you know. Your skills are phenomenal! Well, that's what he keeps telling me. I wish I could've been there to see it myself."
Cress only blinked at her, trying to call forth the memories of this event, trying to figure out her worth. She had value to these people, and it was hard for her to wrap her mind around. A useless shell. A prisoner. Valuable. Loved. It was almost frustrating how overwhelming all of it was. Even still suspicious that it was all just a fever dream of sorts and that she would wake up to her lonely satellite again, Cress tried to bask in it. In the attention, though sometimes it made her want to shrink back into solitude again.
Her fantasies were helping. Pretending to be a soap opera star was her go-to, and it worked the best. She tended to stick with it, pretending as though there were a camera facing her at all times. A director calling the shots, the doctors and nurses fake, their questions scripted. Her friends were only fellow co-stars. It was hard-won and seemed to stick. She thanked all of the stars for that.
"Who… who's Wolf?" she asked.
Scarlet began to pace the room. Cress assumed it was because she was supposed to be using this time to "exercise" anyway, so no reason to just stand in one spot. "He was a former LSOP operative." Cress's eyes widened. The LSOPs had been a secret on Luna for over a decade, and Cress knew all about them. "His original objective was to kidnap me to get information from my grand-mère, but..." Scarlet paused, considering. "He has a heart. I think they all do if they're not in the presence of their thaumaturges."
Cress rolled the words over in her head. A LSOP operative on their side had probably done a lot of damage, considering only the most skilled Lunars could control them.
"He raved for ten minutes straight about when you took down the palace security system," Scarlet continued.
Cress's eyes bulged. "Palace security system?! Like, the Eastern Commonwealth palace's security system?"
"That very one." Scarlet turned on her heel and headed toward the other side of the small recovery room. "Not to mention what you did once you guys finally arrived on Luna."
Her gut twisted. She had gone to Luna? The wretched satellite that condemned her from birth? "L-Luna?" she sputtered.
Scarlet softened. "Right, you don't remember."
Cress started picking at her nails anxiously. She had a lot of questions swarming her head, each one promising that an answer to it would bring her memory back completely.
She plucked out one that seemed the most important.
"Scarlet? Can… can you tell me about Thorne? Did I really love him?"
Scarlet chewed her lip for a moment, considering. "I can't say. I only saw you two during the war, and you seemed rather enamored with him. But listen, Cress, you don't remember anything from before you got off that satellite. I think that, instead of chasing after how you felt for Thorne, maybe… take some time to get to know yourself. You don't know what kind of person you are on Earth, and that's okay. It's okay to be confused, especially since you're still young. You have people here to support you every step. Whether or not you end up with Thorne, it shouldn't matter right now. You need to figure you out. Being in a relationship, especially with someone who's so much older and with a lot more experiences than you, isn't the best idea right now."
Cress cocked her head to the side. "How old is he?"
"Twenty."
"It's only a 4 year difference!"
"Cress, you spent half of your life in a satellite."
That was a good point.
Scarlet bit her lip. "He came to see me yesterday, after you didn't recognize him. You know what he said to me?" Instead of waiting for an answer, she sighed. "He said that it's a good thing you broke his heart first, before he had the chance to break yours. I need you to understand, Cress. I know it's hard to hear these things, especially since you're so confused, but I care about you. Thorne, he... he just isn't good for you."
Silence filled the too-small room, suffocating her. She'd never thought she would be the one to break anyone's heart, especially considering she expected to live and die in that stupid satellite.
Scarlet sighed again. "I'm sorry to have upset you, Cress. I just want you to understand." She paused. "I can go."
"No, please don't," said Cress, though she was unsure as to why she wanted the woman to stay.
Cress mulled over the advice, going over every word in her head. It made sense, and besides–she didn't know at all how she felt about Thorne, not now and not before. Maybe it was best that she forget about him, maybe she had lost her memories for a reason.
She started to say something when there was a knock at the door, and then it was pushed open.
"Speak of the Devil," Scarlet muttered, just loud enough for Cress to hear it over the consistent beep of her heart monitor.
"Hey," said Thorne. "How are you feeling today?"
Cress bit the inside of her cheek and glanced at Scarlet, whose eyes locked on hers in a meaningful sort of way. She looked back at Thorne. "I'm fine, thank you."
"I talked to the doctor on my way here. He said that if you were up to it, you can get out of that bed and go for a walk or something. Anything to get you out of this room. You've gotta be lonely in here."
Not like she'd had much of a chance to be alone in the last day and a half she'd been awake. "Sort of," she lied. "But I'm not really… I'm not feeling up for a walk. I'm still a little disoriented."
His smile seemed faked. "I can understand that. You've been out for a while. I, uh, can I hang out?"
"We were talking about something, actually," Scarlet said. "I don't want to overwhelm her with too many visitors and too much conversation."
His smile faltered as he looked at her. "Oh. Yeah, that's probably best. I'll catch you guys later."
He gave Cress one last withering look before disappearing into the corridor, the door sealing shut behind him.
Cress frowned. "That was… I lied to him! Why?"
Scarlet looked at her. "What do you mean?"
"I told him I was lonely. I'm not lonely in here."
The redhead quirked a brow. "Really?"
"My only friend for 7 years was a computer program that I made when I was ten," she said, her voice small. "But the only time I don't have someone in here is when I'm sleeping, and even then…."
"You're not alone, that doesn't mean you aren't lonely."
"But I'm not lonely!" She felt a tear slip through, trailing warm down her cheek. "I just… I have friends. I don't remember them, and I'm so confused, Scarlet, but I have friends!"
Scarlet's smile was gentle. "You do. We care about you a lot. I haven't known you for as long as the others, but you're important, Cress. You deserve happiness."
Happiness. The word was so foreign to her, something found only in her favorite programs, with actors playing characters who were allowed to feel that, were allowed to feel like the world wasn't such a horrible place.
And maybe it wasn't just a fictional concept. Perhaps, happiness was a real thing that she could experience.
That was a good feeling.