Till I'm Gone
Sora Matasuki
Chapter Thirteen
TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM VAGUELY MENTIONED
Hiro was exhausted. Every bone of his body ached and he just wanted to sleep off this pain until it was time to go to see A Brilliant Life.
"Hey bonehead." Tadashi's welcome voice reached Hiro's tired ears like a choir of angels, and a warm heavy hand ruffled his hair.
"Mrph." Hiro managed through a yawn and opened watering eyes. "Hey Tadashi."
"Hey yourself. You okay?" Hiro blinked, seeing that Tadashi had bent down to observe his person carefully.
Hiro grinned. "M' okay, Tadashi. Just tired." he assured his brother. Hiro let out another yawn and leaned into Tadashi's hand as the elder Hamada felt for a fever. "Your hand's warm."
Tadashi let out a hum and drew back, chuckling at Hiro's whine. "Well you don't look or feel sick. I need to give my friend a lift to his house, but I'll drop you off at home first."
Hiro opened a tired eye and gave his older brother a Look.
"Tadashiiii you better be home before three, we'll be going to the theater at four." Hiro reminded his brother, a whine in his voice as he tried to dangle from Tadashi's arm.
Tadashi laughed, reaching over and dragging the boy from his side to his front and dug his knuckles into the wild mass of hair, earning a tired squawk and a squirming Hiro for his efforts. Small inventor's hands batted at Tadashi's arm.
"Stop it - lemme go! TADASHIII!" Hiro squealed as Tadashi tickled him in the ribs, shaking legs exhausted from running a 5k buckling under his attempts to flee. The sixteen year old pulled his squirming brother close, supporting him as Hiro collapsed against him, scowling.
"Don't worry, bonehead. I'm not gonna skip out on you." Tadashi assured his little brother.
Hiro huffed. "Well you better not or else-"
"Tadashi! Sorry I'm late!" an unfamiliar voice reached Hiro's ears and cut him off. The twelve year scrambled out of Tadashi's arms and hid behind him before peering out around to see who the intruder friend was. Hiro was very suddenly and sharply put on guard. He'd heard that voice before, somewhere…
It was a tall blond tenager, all gangly limbs and a lean narrow face marred slightly with old acne scars.
"Thomas! Meet my little brother, Hiro." Tadashi called, pulling Hiro out from his half hidden position.
Hiro squirmed, quickly becoming uncomfortable in his own skin and his fingers itched to at least hold his pocketknife as Thomas' sharp cold gaze penetrated him to his core. Those cold blue eyes made Hiro sick to his stomach, like he'd been violated in some metaphysical way.
Almost subconsciously, the boy pressed back into Tadashi's legs and side, warily watching the stranger. Hiro didn't like this Thomas. His gut was yelling for him to not trust the guy. Everything in his little being was screaming to get away but Tadashi's warm hand on his shoulder stopped him from running all the way to the harbor.
Hiro tossed his older brother a glance to see if Tadashi had noticed how tense he'd gotten, how obviously uncomfortable he was in this stranger's presence - but no, Tadashi had only been reacting to Hiro's moving closer. The eldest Hamada still remained completely oblivious to the fact that Hiro was practically buried into Tadashi's side.
The small twelve year old chanced another glance at the other teenager and flinched back at the sickeningly sweet smile Thomas was giving him. But those blue eyes remained chillingly cold and held a glimmer of something… else, something dangerous. It was that glimmer of something that sent ice shuddering down his spine.
"Nice to meet you, Hiro. I've heard a lot of things about you in homeroom." Thomas said, bending down to his level as he spoke. The blue eyes burned holes into Hiro's skull.
Breath catching in his throat, Hiro ducked into Tadashi's side and mumbled a hello, fingers digging into his brother's jacket. He was shivering, tremors sliding through his fingers and making his teeth chatter.
"Hiro? You okay?" Tadashi glanced down, confusion evident in his voice. Hiro just burrowed deeper until he was practically tucked into Tadashi's armpit.
"M' cold, Tadashi. Take me home, please?" Hiro whined, completely omitting the fact that looks Thomas was sending him were making him feel really uncomfortable.
Tadashi laughed and ruffled Hiro's fluffy hair, making the boy grumble quietly. "Sure thing bonehead. C'mon Thomas, we're going!"
As the three of them headed out of the parking lot, Hiro made it a point to remain firmly attached to Tadashi's side, and always on the side where Thomas wasn't. They got to the car and that's when things started to shift for the boy.
"Hey bonehead, would you mind if Thomas sat in the passenger seat today?"
Hiro stared up at his older brother, wide eyed. He never sat in the back. Well Tadashi never gave rides to friend either but today was apparently full of exceptions. Hiro glanced at Thomas and felt his skin crawl at the thought of the blond teenager staring at the back of his head. He'd prefer to be able to have the guy within his sights at all times anyways.
"Okay." he reluctantly allowed, grabbing at the handle to the back seat. Waiting almost anxiously for Tadashi to unlock it, he bounced agitatedly on his heels and winced when the corners of his books dug into his back due to the motion. The moment the lock receded, Hiro launched himself into the back and curled up into a ball, backpack thudding to the floor.
"Buckle yourself in, kiddo!" Tadashi scolded with a laugh. Hiro uncurled a tiny bit, just enough to get the seatbelt across his chest and waist and when the click of the key piece was heard and felt through his fingers, sprung back into the ball he'd turned into.
Brown eyes glared up untrustingly at the teenager in Hiro's seat from behind a curtain of shaggy brown hair. Hiro kept his chin tucked into the crevice between his knees and let himself rock with the gentle movements of the car, closing his eyes. ...just for a little while… he told himself.
The next thing he knew, Hiro was being shaken awake by a warm familiar hand. "Hey bud." Tadashi's warm voice washed through Hiro's lethargic brain. "We're at home."
"Mrrrph?" the boy yawned, rubbing at his sleep encrusted eyes.
"I've gotta take Thomas home, okay? C'mon kiddo, you can wake up a bit faster than this, I know you can." Tadashi teased. Hiro let out a tired hum, delicate hands more suited for inventing than anything else reached down to grab sloppily at his backpack, nearly dropping it to the floor when he tried picking it up with a weak tired grip. Tadashi's amused huff made Hiro's face contort into a pout as his older brother grabbed the book burdened backpack and slipped it onto Hiro's back as the boy leaned into Tadashi's warm side.
"You'll be back in time, right?" Hiro whispered, fingers catching onto the folds of Tadashi's green jacket. Warm gentle fingers reached and carded themselves soothingly into his thick hair.
"Of course I will, bonehead. I promised, didn't I?"
Hiro closed his eyes, took in a deep shuddering breath to ground himself and pulled away. "Okay." he said, "Okay. Drive safely."
Tadashi's face softened. "Of course, bonehead." He affectionately poked Hiro in the head and laughed when the boy went cross eyed.
Tadashi shut his door and slumped back into his seat with a sigh. Thomas looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Your brother seems really clingy." he remarked.
Tadashi groaned and leaned forwards slightly, rubbing his face. "Yeah…" he muttered. "I think that was just his exhaustion talking. He gets like that when he's stressed or tired."
Thomas nodded, understanding lighting his blue eyes. "Gotcha." he drawled. Soon after conversation died out between the two and Tadashi put the car into drive and pulled out of the Lucky Cat Cafe's parking lot.
Thomas leaned forward sharply. "Turn here!"
Tadashi turned on the blinker and obediently turned left as directed. More turns followed accompanied by a chatter of directions. One more memorable one had Tadashi cracking up at the wheel. It started out ordinarily enough.
"Keep going straight and turn right when you reach the red house - no not that house, the brick red one… ...thats actually made out of bricks. Who knew!"
The sixteen year old snorted.
"Turn here! My house is the blue one in the middle of the cul de sac." Thomas pointed. Tadashi pulled around the corner and felt his eyes widen. There were cars parked everywhere in the street. People entered and exited out of the blue house, red cups in hand. Faintly, Tadashi could hear the drum of a base pumping away at some unfamiliar beat.
"Thomas. Do you always throw a party when finals are over?"
Thomas grinned, leaning back in his seat. "Yeah man! Gotta celebrate that the torture's over! C'mon, my parents got this awesome pool all set up in the back, the party's been on since ten cause some neighbors invited some dudes and ladies from USF, do you wanna check it out?"
Tadashi frowned. "Thomas I need to be heading back h-"
"Yeah, yeah, deadline's three I get it, man it's cool! C'mon it's one oclock, you've got two hours until you need to head home. Stay a little longer, live life! Don't be such a homebody, Hamada!"
"But I might need to help my aunt out in the cafe -"
Thomas put his hand on Tadashi's shoulder and looked at him with solemn blue eyes. "Dude. You help your aunt out everyday. Treat yourself man! Be a little selfish! Socialize!"
Tadashi stared at Thomas' hand and swallowed dryly. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes to center himself.
"Okay. Fine. I'll attend your stupid party, you manipulative maven." It would only be for an hour, he was sure he'd be home in time to see A Brilliant Life with Hiro. What could go wrong?
It wasn't like he was looking for any trouble, anyways.
Hiro sat up with a start. He hadn't meant to fall asleep! What time was it?! Had Tadashi gotten home or had he only been asleep for five minutes? Frantic brown eyes scanned the room for his clock and froze at the flashing numbers. 3:15 PM. Where was Tadashi? Shouldn't he be back by now?
Dread filled his stomach and he jumped off the bed, socked feet sliding slightly on the wood. Using that momentum, Hiro dashed out of his room and the thud of his feet pounding the stairs was a staccato beat parallel to the drumming of his heart.
"Aunt Cass! Has Tadashi come home yet?" Hiro called, sliding to a halt near the entryway of the kitchen.
The auburn hair of his aunt popped starkly against the white of the light green wall. "No? What time is it?"
"It's three! Tadashi should be back soon, right?" Hiro gave an anxious little tap of his socked foot. "Has he called you to let you know that he's gonna be late?"
He deflated as Aunt Cass shook her head. "No… How about you go put an apron on and help out, you can keep an eye out for his car."
"Sure… I guess…" Hiro sighed and turned around. "I don't really have anything else to do…"
"Hiro."
Hiro turned around slightly. "Yeah?"
Aunt Cass gave him a small trembling smile. "He'll be here soon, I'm sure of it."
"Yeah… I hope."
And then his socked feet where hitting the stairs with a slow thumping beat completely out of synch with the pounding of his own heart.
Hiro kept glancing outside the cafe windows, breath catching at his throat at the sound of a car passing by. His tense muscles would always clench then suddenly release at the realization that no, it wasn't Tadashi's car. Tense fingers would clench at whatever plate he held and then slowly release but every time left an ache that just kept building and building until his whole arm was sending shards of pain every time he held another plate, handed out another glass.
"Hiro. Your aunt wasn't to see you." one of the waiters - his name escaped Hiro at the moment - tapped him on the shoulder. Hiro nodded and changed directions, having no other tables needing his attention to be cleaned at the moment.
"You needed to see me Aunt Cass?" Hiro leaned against the counter, his eyes drawing to the clock above the mantle and freezing.
4:36 PM. Tadashi hadn't come home. He'd promised. He'd promised. He'd PROMISED! Her look of sorrow said it all, and with a choked off oath, Hiro turned away, scrubbing at his burning eyes. This wasn't FAIR! He was supposed to be here! They were supposed to - supposed to-! Ugh!
"Hiro, you can be done if you want." Aunt Cass softly suggested. Hiro nodded, his bangs covering his eyes.
He went up stairs to a darkened room. With a defeated sigh Hiro sank down in his chair, not even bothering to turn on his light.
"I guess I could build a robot." Hiro mused quietly. He spun around his chair a few times and winced as his foot hit the desk on one of the rounds. He eyed the computer resting on the desk. Hmmm…
Eh, one peak on his social page wouldn't hurt… right? Right. Hiro took a deep breath and with shaking fingers typed in his password and username. He hadn't been on here since the video went viral. Why was he even doing this?
The page loaded and Hiro flinched back eyes widening. So many words, so many comments. So many blocked out names and pictures.
wow he's so pathetic
haha not so smart now r u
who's stupid enough to get their head flushed in the toilet?!
lol wut a looooozer
can't believe his parents named him HERO
how lame is that?!
they even spelled it wrong!
looser
wut kind of brother would want a pathetic loser like u
lozer
waste of space
why does he even go here
it'd be better if u were gone
go die in a hole
no 1 likes u
zero
die
why don't you just leave
nerd
what a waste
you had so much potential
zero no hero
stupid
flushie head
die already
die die die die die!
You don't seem to get it, nerd boy, so lemme spell it out for you: you don't belong here. No one would care if you just died.*
Tadashi wouldn't even care if you just dropped DEAD.
Hiro took a deep breath, fighting to keep himself from hyperventilating. He turned around and paced the room before taking another breath and spinning on his heel to face the computer. He sat down on the chair and reached up to turn on the web cam.
He began in a shaky voice, "I'm the real Hiro Hamada. And I don't know why everyone heard my name and decided to hate me for who I am. My parents selected the Japanese characters meaning generous or tolerant when they decided to focus on my Japanese heritage." His voice cracked, "But I think I've used up all the tolerance that my parents wanted me to have. Because now... Now I hate myself too. And I've thought... Wouldn't it be nice... To see them again? After nine years of knowing that I never really knew them. Because they've been dead. And... Maybe... I should be there, wherever they are too. I don't know... if heaven or hell exists. I just... I want to go home. So... I guess this is goodbye?" A tear fell from his eye and Hiro shut off the camera, uploading it to his profile before switching to a search engine, unable to watch as it started pinging with notifications. He savagely hit the mute button and stared blankly at the empty search bar unable to stomach the thought of hearing the video go viral.
Biting his lip, he entered: 'HOW TO KILL YOURSELF PAINLESSLY' and started researching as the tears streamed down his face. He'd been broken long before now. The only difference was that he'd stopped bothering to pick the pieces back up. Because there wasn't any point to do so anymore.
Tomoko was gone. Tadashi hated him. No one cared.
Hiro took in a shuddering breath as his choice of leaving this world was made, carefully considered and then accepted. He just had one more thing to do.
He picked up his phone, ignoring the notifications unrelated to his purpose.
Ordinary Gifted - OG - has joined the chat at - 4:36 PM -
OG: Hey... Tomoko, since I won't be able to see you, I just wanted to say, thank you for being there for me. Thank you for making my last days of highschool brighter than they would have without you. Goodbye, Tomoko.
Ordinary Gifted - OG - has left the chat at - 4:42 PM -
Hiro tossed the phone face down on his bed. He wouldn't need it anymore. He paused at the door, looking at the mess he'd made while living in his side of the room. It would hurt Aunt Cass if she had to organize his stuff after he was gone.
Hiro didn't want to be a bigger burden than he already was and so he turned around and rolled up his sleeves. The faster he did this, the faster he would be able to reunite with his parents.
Tadashi was late.
Hiro shook, pain covering every part of his mind. It was like lava was in his veins, turning every nerve cell into flaming mess of pain. He couldn't breath through his sobs. It hurt. It HURT!
Tada-ni… Tada-ni… Tada-n… Tad…
Tadashi's vision swam as his breath caught in his throat. Where's Hiro? the thought dimly penetrated the fog clouding his mind. I have to find Hiro!
"HIRO!" he called, near the top of his lungs. "HIRO WHERE ARE YOU!"
There was only silence.
There was a rushing in his ears.
Everything was growing dark.
Hiro couldn't find his breath.
"HIRO! WHERE!"
Who was that…. calling him? Ta…
"HIRO!"
The darkness was heavy so dim what was breathing? dimly heard a sound a repeated sound that was loud and dull and quiet and fading…
"Don't worry, I'm getting you out of there, just hang on!"
Tadashi was late.
AN: *sets out unending supply of tissues and cookies with hot chocolate or other heated beverage of choice and absconds*
BIG THANKS GO TO: The Golden Marauder, animesbff13, Guest7602, ArianandXaia, waterlilly49, seems-pretty-legit, Atariel Tsukai, Miss Effie T, bumblebee78, LadyWendy202, RazzlePazzleDooDot, DarthRexPoke44, Angela, psychedelicLights, Escaping The Shadow, BlueD, Silverstream, DreamGirll, Disneynerdbh6, DreamweaverAki, Highcrest Tomoko, NotAnArtist7890, Guest (#1), Emily, Guest (#2), Shoyzz, snowflakeangel21, TheShyShadow (x2~! lol), Ajhappyfeet, regularshow565, Ellamena, KanaMac, teengens, Madness Shared, Narniac4aslan, 1000PaperUnicorns (*hugs* I'm so sorry. And thank you, I'm honored that you are enjoying this despite all that's happened. Lots of love sent your way! *hugs tighter*)
300+ reviews… I near about had a heart attack! THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE (=TTuTT=)
*ALSO THIS CHAPTER WOULD NOT BE AS AMAZING AS IT IS IF IT WERE NOT FOR THE GUIDANCE OF MY TAICHOU, MELANIE-SAMA!
PS, it's not complete just yet~