Chapter 13 Shutters
Her tongue felt like someone had coated it with baking soda. And her eyes were gritty enough that they may have been sprinkled with it, too. Kara tried to work up some saliva and swallowed with difficulty, then managed to pry her lids open enough to squint about her, feeling that there was something important she'd missed.
As she tried to push to her knees, pain undulated down her back and she collapsed onto her stomach again, head reeling as the burning sensation overrode all else.
Sucking slow breaths through gritted teeth, moments passed until her scattered thoughts finally reformed as she fought for coherence. It was hard, though, and the haze of pain held an undercurrent she vaguely recognized as the lingering effects of painkillers, further muddling her thoughts. With her eyes moistened now by tears, Kara blinked and strove to focus on one thought at a time.
My back —familiar pain— drenched in evasion.
So cold —shirtless— numbing loss.
She took… No... in the corner, the crumpled tanks —relief— sundered by shudders.
Six drawing near —platinum divination— coiled malice.
The Cylon smiles and then —thoughts recoil— curtained revulsion.
Through the sludge of shifting memories, Kara vaguely recalled struggling to stand, determined to meet the Six on her feet. The Cylon had held something as she approached. Something in her hand. Fear had jolted Kara as the skin-job strode closer…and the something unfurled.
She abruptly shied from the memory, and the image slunk away.
Taking a steadying breath, Kara tasted dread as she reached for the memory again. This time an obsidian shroud loomed where it had been. Whatever the Cylon had done to her, whatever had happened, had been blotted out by the smooth blackness. Only the raw nerves of flayed skin gave proof that something had been inflicted upon her.
Kara clasped her hands around her head and curled inward.
Why couldn't she remember? What filled her with such dread? Had they done something to her head or had she blocked it away herself? A different pain wove through the angry furnace of her back. What if she'd told them—spilled her guts to stop the pain? Could she have begged or pleaded…then blanked it out like she had after reducing Leoben to a pulped carcass?
Shame and desperation drove her staggering to her feet and she lunged at the door, pounding her fists against the unyielding metal.
"What the frak did you do to me?" she screamed. "Motherfrakkers! Let me out. Damnit, let me outta here. Frakkers! LET ME OUT!" She continued to yell and scream as she slammed her palms on the door, the need to escape taking her beyond reason.
When her adrenaline finally evaporated, Kara drifted to her knees, leaning sideways against the metal barrier as her shouts settled into gasping sobs. "…akkers…godsdamned…frakkers." She pulled her knees into her chest and buried her head.
When her breathing and chaotic thoughts finally eased, Kara noticed something out of place against her thigh. A small lump at the bottom of her pants pocket. With the back of her hand, she swiped at her running nose and sniffed, shame at her breakdown mingling with the fear of what unknown thing was so disturbing that she'd wiped it away. It was ironic that the thought that the Cylons might have frakked with her head was less upsetting than that her own mind had rebelled.
On a hiccuping breath, Kara reached into the pocket and drew forth three crumbling tablets. White powder dusted her fingertips as she stared at the pills, memory tickling an image of a familiar face leaning over her. Sharon? No… Boomer. She only had the vaguest impression, like a wisp of a scent, yet she was sure. And she knew that her ex-crewmate had given her these pills to help numb the pain.
But she couldn't dredge up any other memories, just the feeling of despair as she mentally touched the barrier in her mind, flinching from the coldness. She abruptly shoved two of the pills back in her pocket and stared at the gift in her palm. Holding it carefully, she stumbled to her feet and over to the spigot. Kara cupped water and washed the bitter medication down, feeling the cold liquid loosen her tight chest, and she slumped onto her rear, bent forward to keep her back away from the wall.
She still didn't know what had happened. And, as a spreading lassitude invaded her knotted muscles, she stopped caring, letting the drug have its way. Maybe she'd remember more later. Yet, as she hovered on the cusp of sleep, the idea drew a shudder from her.
Maybe she was better off not knowing.