Chapter 24: Failed Decoy

Kira made her way to where she saw her cousins and brother hunkering down. She was glad that she had paid attention to both the CB and the small talk going on around the courthouse. Apparently, Boss Hogg has gotten a priceless statue loaned to the Hazzard Art Museum. He framed the Duke boys and claimed that they stole it. By paying attention to the emergency channel, Kira had been able to figure out where everyone was and had shadowed them for a while trying to figure out just what their plan was.

She had the habit of shadowing instead of joining right in since she knew that the rest of the family went out of their way to not involve her in a lot of the goings ons like this. They didn't want her involved in anything that could get dicey for her; with Kira now being a prosecutor in the next county. Plus, despite her insistence to stop coddling her once she had returned from Atlanta, they all still look at her at times as if she was as fragile as a China doll.

Except Uncle Jesse. It didn't take long for him to start treating her like he did all the others. In fact, Kira had earned the punishment of washing dishes for being late for (or missing altogether) dinner three times this week, and it was only Wednesday. Their only major run in after Kira had returned to Hazzard after confronting the memories of the assault that she had endured in her own apartment in Atlanta was about money. Jesse's pride refused to allow her to pay what she considered to be her fair share. Especially since when it came to the household and farm chores, she was dead weight. It was only after she threatened to move out (and actually started to look for a place in Hatchapee) that he finally relent to Kira's insistence that her share was whatever she'd be spending anyway if she left.

Kira had gotten a look at the statue (it was about the size of an Oscar) and then saw what Luke's idea for getting the guards away from it was. Kira hated to tell them, but their standby distraction wouldn't work this time. Not totally at least. Instead of staying back, Kira was practically right on top of the guys before they realized that she was there.

"What are you doin' here? Aren't you supposed to be at work?" Luke and Bo were dividing their attention between Kira and Daisy while Luke spoke.

"I'm here tryin' to help ya'll get out of trouble. Now I have a question? What happens when Daisy can't flirt her way into gettin' the guard away from that statue?"

"It ain't ever happened before. Ain't a man alive that has ever been able to resist her charms."

"Well don't look now, but you're about to see a first."

Bo cast a glance at where Daisy was trying to work her usual magic on the nearest guard. "What do ya mean?"

"I just don't think she's his type, is all." Kira watched as it was clear that Daisy wasn't getting anywhere with her targeted guard.

"You think you could do any better?"

"Nope, I wouldn't be his type either."

Bo sent her an odd look, "Just who would be his type then?"

"You." Both the guys snapped their heads around at that. "Or Luke. Maybe he prefers brunettes." Bo's face was priceless as he took in Kira's statement. Luke, however, looked like he had just taken a sip of soured milk.

"You don't know that." Luke turned back and saw Daisy walk away dejected like.

"I'd bet a month's salary on it. I got in close and heard that one on the phone." Kira paused, "Talkin' to his boyfriend."

Daisy crept in and whispered, "Sorry fellas, he didn't bite."

"Don't worry about it, Daisy. The boys here were fishin' with the wrong kind of bait."

Kira smirked before Luke told Daisy what Kira told them, then they each began to discuss their options. Daisy half-jokingly suggested that one of the guys simply take her place. Not being able to resist, Luke nudged Bo.

"Go ahead Bo. You're supposed to be the pretty one. Be my guest."

"Are you kiddin'? If that guard was a woman, I'd've be down there already, but I ain't goin' down there to flirt with no man!" The debate continued as to just how they were going to get the statuette away from the guards Hogg had hired to keep the Dukes away. It was only when Kira's truck pulled directly up to the guards, and she stepped out of it did any of the others realize that she was no longer with them.

"What does she think she's doin'?" Luke looked at Bo who had no answers.

Kira got out of the truck and walked straight toward the guards as if she owned the warehouse that they were held up in. Spotting her, the guards went to raise their guns in her direction.

"Do that and my sharp-shooter up on the ridge will use you as target practice." Kira told them while speaking in a thick, fake, Irish accent. "Boss sent me to pick up the statue. There's reason to believe that you fools led the Dukes here. He wants it moved now before they try anything."

"Wait a minute, just who are you? You don't sound like you're from around here."

"Erin Calhoun. IRA. Just who did you think Boss got this statue for? Even after Hogg takes a cut, when we sell this, it will bring a handsome profit to help the Irish. Now, have you noticed anyone peculiar around here?"

"Just some girl claiming to have car trouble. Asked if we'd help her out."

"You didn't leave your post, did you?"

"Nah. Sent her packing."

"Burraidh (fool)! That must have been one of them Dukes. Ní mórán thú! (You are worthless!) That just PROVES that you led them here. We have to hurry up and move that statue. Hurry."

"They think she's with the IRA. They actually think she's Irish and got Boss to get that statue so she could sell it for the them."

Bo could hardly keep from laughing. As soon Kira had jumped out of the truck, Bo practically screamed at her through their link. Instead of answering him when he asked what she thought she was doing, she just opened their link so he could hear everything she heard. It only took a minute for Bo to realize that Kira's plan just might work.

The guards set off to move the statue. Kira had them place the statue in the truck, after she explained that the windows were tinted for the explicit reason of making sure she could transport it without Hogg's nemeses, namely the Dukes, spying the treasure. Kira found that this was just a bit too easy. Plus, she knew that if she wanted to get away before she busted out laughing, she'd better hurry up. As the guards finished the loading, Kira called to them for a bit more instruction.

"Fuirich ort! (Hang on!) Hogg wanted me to tell you one more thing. Those rotten Dukes are known to imitate him and his sheriff. If you get a call on the phone or CB, assume it's one of them. Hogg will come out in person to talk to you. Don't trust anyone who calls because it won't be one of them. Is that understood?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good, now, make it look like you're still guarding the statue just in case them Dukes come back."

With that, Kira hopped into her truck and drove away. She arranged it with Bo to meet her out at the junction just a couple of miles up the road to make the exchange so that he and Luke could get the statue back to the Museum.

"I can't believe she did that! What if they hadn't been convinced?"

"We would've rushed in and helped her. And she knew that. Same as if something went wrong with Daisy," Bo answered as he glanced over at Luke in the passenger seat.

"You have to admit, it was different, Luke. Boss would never have expected it," Daisy chimed in from the back seat. "And the way she just drove on up and started giving orders, that was the best shuck 'n jive that I'd seen in a while."

"Hey, Luke. Now that we have that statue, how do we get it back to the museum?"

"I haven't figured that part out yet. There's Kira up ahead. Pull over, Bo."

Before Bo came to a complete stop, Luke was out of The General and headed over to where Kira was standing by her truck. "What do you think you were doing back there? Just running in without a word to no one?"

"I was gettin' the statue back for ya. You're welcome, by the way. You two had better get it back safe and sound to the museum before Hogg realizes that it's gone."

"She's right, Luke. Grab it and let's go."

Kira put a hand on Luke's arm to stop him. "Ya'll better take the truck. Takin' it in the General Lee is like drivin' around with a bright neon flashin' light say 'COME GET US!'. And as long as ya'll keep it under a hundred, ya'll won't have any trouble with Rosco. He'll think you're me."

Luke thought for a second before agreeing with her. "Come on, Bo. Let's hit it." The fellas jumped into the truck as Kira went over to the orange stock car.

"Daisy, I'll need you to drop me off back over in Capital City," Kira said as the guys sped out towards town.

"Sure thing, honey. Wait 'til Sheriff Loomis sees us a comin'. He'll think that the fellas are breakin' probation and will figure that he'd caught 'em for sure. And with the General drivin' all over, folks'll never look for and expect that they're in town."

"Well, let's go. I better get back to the courthouse." Kira jumped in and Daisy turned the car towards Hatchapee.

'Kira, we ain't havin' no problem with Rosco, but what's your plan to ditch Enos?'

Kira grabbed the CB and smiled. "Kira Kyle calling Sheriff Rosco. Could you do me a favor. I'm in a bit of a hurry. I've got to get back to the courthouse before I'm fined for contempt. Could ya have Enos break off his pursuit and just mail me the ticket. I ain't got time to stop."

"You dipstick! You are supposed to be lookin' for Bo and Luke! Leave that girl alone!"

"But, Sheriff, you told me to stop everyone that travels down this road!"

"Now you just HUSH and keep your eyes peeled for them boys and that you know what!"

Kira and Daisy busted out laughing as Rosco continued to berate the deputy.

"Kira, you think anyone will notice that your truck is heading in the wrong direction if you're in a hurry to go to Hatchapee?"

"Not until it's too late, I hope. But I really do need to get back to the courthouse. So, let's book it."

With that, Daisy began to take a few short cuts that even Bo would be proud of. With dust getting kicked up in a cloud, The General sped toward the county line.

Kira was sitting at her desk finishing up some paperwork while she waited for a ride back to Hazzard. Looking at the clock, she thought that at least today she'd have a good reason for being late for supper. Bo had let her know that the statue was back safe and sound at the museum and that after the scare of believing that it was gone, the museum that it was on loan from insisted on extra security. It looked like Hogg won't be selling that thing now, or sending Bo and Luke to prison for its theft since it obviously wasn't stolen anymore.

Hopefully, Jesse would be the one to pick her up instead of one of the guys since Daisy should be at work by now. The fellas had pushed their luck enough for one day without coming across the county line to pick her up. Of course, as long as they brought the truck, and stayed in it without getting out, no one would be the wiser. She should have known that Bo wouldn't be able to resist tempting fate just one more time for the day.

'Hey Kira! Your chariot awaits.'

Kira looked at the wall clock to check the time. 'Looks like we'll both be doing dishes tonight. I'LL dry. You can wash em.'

Kira packed up for the day and walked out of the courthouse spying her truck across the street. Well at least he didn't bring the General. If he had, she probably would have had to of jumped in while he was being chased by Sheriff Loomis. Getting into the passenger side, Kira gave Bo a measured look.

"Being chased by one county's law enforcement in one day not enough for you? Ditching Loomis wouldn't be as easy as out-running Rosco and Enos."

"I could have brought the General instead." Bo grinned as he steered the truck through town to head back to Hazzard.

"I'm half surprised that you didn't." Kira laughed as she shook her head at her brother.

"Well, I might have if the shocks didn't go out on it. We finally jumped the pond one too many times. Cooter's gonna call an order into Atlanta tomorrow. Until then, The General is grounded. Shouldn't take long, then we'll have to get 'em ready for the openin' race next weekend."

"Well, with some of the stunts that Hogg has pulled in the past to try to keep ya'll out of the race, ya might want to put that car under lock and key to keep it safe."

"Maybe," Bo laughed. "And here I thought that having a lawyer livin' out at the farm would give Boss a reason to lay off a bit. Seems like he just makes sure you're out of the county when he sends Rosco to arrest us. At least he don't come at mealtime no more."

"Oh, so that's why you eat your food like it might disappear at any minute. And here I thought that it was just that you were a bottomless pit." Kira grinned as Bo gave her a sideways look.

As they crossed into Hazzard, Bo had asked Kira where she learned to speak with such a convincing accent.

"Ben had friends in Ireland, he took me over. Of course, 'American Yanks' weren't exactly popular over there at the time. Ben's friends pretty much made sure that we all dressed like locals and didn't talk that much in public. I was goofing around one night and tried to imitate his friends, and I guess I wasn't all that bad. They started teaching me a little Gaelic and by the end of the trip I was able to pass somewhat."

"So now you're fluent in Gaelic?"

"Not exactly, I got the accent down. I learned enough choice phrases to pass. Of course, as long as you have the accent, all you have to do is throw in a few swear words and insults mixed in with your English to convince non-native speakers into thinking that you are. And those buffoons today, heck, I could have spoken gibberish and they wouldn't have known the difference."

"True. Boss never has been known to hire the brightest, just the cheapest." Bo laughed then thought that he might want to warn Kira before they got out to the farm. "You do realize that Luke was ready to throttle you when you went down there to the warehouse alone, don't ya? He didn't find that stunt all that funny."

Kira shrugged, "He'll get over it. It wasn't any more dangerous than the fool stunts that ya'll usually end up doin' on a near weekly basis."

Bo had to admit, she was right about how today's stunt paled in comparison to some of his and Luke's past exploits. He had tried to tell that to Luke, too, but it hadn't really made much of a difference. Luke still hadn't been thrilled with Kira's solution to their need to get that statue back. But it had all worked out just fine. Now, Bo figured that he'd better burn rubber or else he and Kira really would be stuck washing the dishes.

Bo and Kira pulled up to the farm just as Jesse put dinner on the table. It looked like they had made it just in time for supper, just barely.

Over dinner Bo was having a ball filling Uncle Jesse in on the events of the day. Kira noticed that the whole time Bo was laughing, and adding a few embellishments here and there, Luke was sullenly silent. Not a grin or even a scowl made an appearance on Luke's face as the story was retold for their uncle's benefit. Halfway through the meal, Luke declared that he had some extra chores that he needed to attend to and excused himself from the table. Though not without making one last declaration.

"Next time, Kira. Let us handle things. The last thing we need is for you to go runnin' off and gettin' yourself killed like you could have done today."

With that Luke stalked off and headed out to the barn with the three remaining family members staring after him. It only took a second though before Kira jumped up from the table to follow after him.

"Now wait just a damned minute!" With that Kira was out the door with Bo getting up to follow after the two.

"Sit down, Bo. Them two have to work this out for themselves." Jesse looked at his nephew and gave him a reassuring smile. "Besides, you think you know whose side you'd want to take when it comes to them two?"

Bo stopped to think about that for a second. "Nah, I reckon not."

With that, Bo sat back down as Jesse had told him to and waited for his sister and cousin to come back inside.

"You mind explainin' to me just what that was all about back there?"

"I ain't got time. I got chores." With that Luke turned back to Maudine's stall and began to clean it out.

"That's bull and you know it. You've already cleaned out that stall once today. So, unless she's as full of shit as you are, it don't need no cleanin' up again today!"

With that, Luke spun around on Kira and narrowed his eyes just a bit. "You should have let us handle gettin' that statue back today!"

"Upset that I proved that you ain't the only one that can come up with a hair-brained scheme on the fly?"

"Hair-brained is right. You could have gotten yourself killed takin' an unnecessary risk. If them fellas hadn't bought that half-baked story you gave em-"

"Luke, you're one to be talkin' about takin' unnecessary risks. Since I've been in Hazzard, I've seen you and Bo get chased, shot at, nearly fall off buildings because you were walkin' around rooftops as casually as strollin' down the sidewalk, and jumpin' from one movin' car to another as they were both barreling down road. And you are worried about a little shuck 'n jive!"

"You mean you've heard about all of them things."

"I said what I meant, Lukas. You really think that today was the first time that I shadowed ya'll?"

Luke's face took on a strange look as he realized just how many times Kira had put herself so close to various scrapes in the last couple of months without any of them even realizing it. "Oh well that's just FINE! The point is that it's my job to watch after the rest of ya'll. Now how am I supposed to do that if you go off, runnin' headfirst into trouble all the time?"

Kira was about to holler back again about how she wasn't the one that seemed to go diving into the deep end of the pool that had been drained of water on a regular basis. That was until she felt bells start ringing inside. Why was it that what Luke had just said seemed to have an extra edge to it?

"Luke isn't the oldest suppose to help PROTECT the younger ones?"

So that is what all this is about. Kira felt the fight leave her. Luke was trying to do something that he hadn't been able to do when she was in Atlanta. Protect her.

"I ain't gonna let no one else hurt 'cha."

"Luke," Kira let out a breath. She knew that Luke had taken her assault hard. He had been stuck in Hazzard listening through the phone as she had been attacked and he hadn't been able to do anything to stop it. "When I said that, I was just teasing about Pauline. That had nothing to do with what happened in Atlanta. There is nothing that you could have done that you didn't do. You got help to me when no one else could have."

"Well, I still made a promise to ya to make sure-"

"And I ain't gonna hold ya to it. Listen to me Lukas. Tryin' to keep me from life, ain't gonna keep me from death. It'll just make the time between point A and point B awful boring in the process. Besides, if I was goin' to an early grave, it would have happened long before now. Before I ended up with an over-protective family to watch my back."

Kira smiled a little at her own small joke. She saw that she wasn't really getting through to Luke's thick head. He had blamed himself for something that hadn't really been in his power to control for far too long.

"Luke, what happened at the beginning of the year is over. We both have to find a way to move on. Otherwise, we let it happen all over again every day that we let that day affect today. And I can't stand to live through that on a daily basis." Kira surprised herself and Luke by leaning into both give and take reassurance from Luke.

Luke wrapped both arms around Kira and let himself release the emotions that he'd been holding inside. Today, as he watched Kira down at the warehouse, he had felt nearly as helpless as he had months earlier. But this time, if something had gone wrong, he'd have had a visual aid to add to his nightmares. Not just an audio-track.

"Do me a favor. Just try stayin' out of trouble, will ya?"

Kira leaned back and tried to laugh, wondering just when she had begun to cry. Though, it looked like she wasn't the only one with damp eyes just now. "That means that you're gonna stop bein' such a jackass?"

"Nope."

To that Kira grinned. "At least you're honest. Hey, Maudine. Looks like you ain't the most stubborn mule on the farm after all. Luke here has ya beat."

Luke shook his head at Kira as she kidded him. "I have to be, look at what I have to deal with." Kira sent him an elbow to his side as he kidded her right back. "And when did you pick up Bo's habit of calling me Lukas when you're mad? Here I've tried to get him to stop and now you're doin' it too."

"Bo said that it's always been one sure fire way to stop ya long enough to listen to whatever's bein' said. Looks like he's mostly right."

The two cousins then started to head back to the house. Kira was trying to think of a way, though, to shake Luke from his funk. Well, she knew one way. After all, it seemed to her that she'd never got Bo and Luke for siccing Pauline on her back at the start of the year.