Chapter 28: Dealing With Dense Females

That evening, Luke and John took care of the usual evening chores while Jebb was trapped by his mother and Mary Ellen in the den. Mary Ellen was bemoaning the fact that, due to Jebb's cast, they wouldn't be able to dance at the church social the coming weekend. Jebb waited for his mother to check in on supper before suggesting to Mary Ellen that she could find a date if she wanted to dance. He wouldn't mind. After all, he doubted that he'd go at all, thanks to the cast. Mary Ellen looked at him strangely for suggesting such a thing. Mentally, he wished that she would pick up on what he was trying to say without actually saying it.

"What do you mean? You mean you want me to go with someone else?"

"I just don't think you should have to miss out on something that you enjoy just because I can't take ya."

What Jebb really wanted to say though was 'For God's sake YES! Find ANYONE else to take you but me!' But of course he didn't. After all, he may not particularly enjoy her company, but he didn't want to hurt her.

"In fact, wasn't Bradley Morton just dyin' to take ya to the last dance?"

"Well yes, but I explained that I was goin' with you. If I go, won't that get folks to talkin'?"

"Let em talk. Besides, if I hadn't hurt my leg, I wouldn't have been here most of the summer anyway. So, you'd still would have needed to find someone else to take ya if'n you had wanted to go."

Mary Ellen just gave him a look that clearly said that it had never even crossed her mind that he had intended to stay away all summer. Finally, somehow, the two functioning brain cells that must be somewhere in that turnip brain apparently decided to rub together. Mary Ellen's eyes lit in anger as she realized that she was getting the brush off. Just in a polite sort of way.

"I see. Perhaps I'll do that."

Once said, Mary Ellen headed to the kitchen where Pauline and Kelly Anne were, finishing up cooking supper. It was only a matter of minutes before Jebb heard the two women leave while his mother came storming in madder than a wet hen.

"Jebb Stewart Duke! What did you say that made that girl so upset and sent her away?"

Jebb shrugged his shoulders. He had tried to make it easy on her after all. "She was upset about not being able to dance at the social next week, so I just suggested that she should go with someone who could dance with her is all."

"Jebb! Everyone in town knows that she's been keeping company with you since before Christmas. Do you have any idea what sort of implications that has for a girl?"

"Mom, I never wanted to go out with her to start out with. I figured that it would be kinder to let her find someone who actually wants to go out with her. Not someone whose mother is more into the relationship than the guy is." Jebb knew that his calm answer would irritate his mother more than if he simply yelled back. It was her fault for teaching him not to holler at his parents.

Jebb thought of the irony of it as he also wished that they could get one of those new T.V.'s with a remote control. He was getting tired of having to balance on one foot to hop over to the set to change the channel. Plus, it would be easier to tune his mother's angry tirade out as she stood there insisting that he needed to call Mary Ellen and apologize. Not only had Jebb possibly ruined things with her but had put a major wrinkle in her plans for Luke to get together with Kelly Anne since she'll probably be angry too. What with Luke being Jebb's cousin.

Jebb thought about that. Looks like Luke will owe me for this then.

Unknown to Pauline, her husband and nephew came in mid-tirade from outside. After a moment, John turned back to the kitchen and turned the stove off. He then went back to the den. Grabbing his keys, he went over to his wife.

"Come on. Let's go."

Pauline looked up and saw her husband. She still had a mouthful that she'd like to give her only son but looking up at her husband, she knew it would have to wait. Luke was surprised when his uncle and aunt then headed out the door without a word to either of the younger men in the room. No sooner had the car cranked up than the young twins came running in.

"Jebb! What'd Momma do?" Emma asked.

Jebb caught Luke's bewildered look at the question as he was still wondering why the two older Dukes had suddenly left. "What makes ya think Mom did anything?"

"Jebb! We're not STUPID! It's dinner time and our parents just drove off."

Jebb sighed a bit, "Mom just didn't like me tellin' Mary Ellen that she should get a different date for the social next week."

"OOOOOh."

"Go wash up. I'll get ya dinner on the table." Jebb grabbed his crutches and looked over at Luke who still didn't have a clue. "Mom and Pop have always had a rule that they never argue in front of any of us kids. For as long as I can remember, anytime they needed to talk things out without first me and Karen, then the twins, they have always took off for a drive 'til they settled things. Haven't you ever noticed when you came for visits that they seemed to go for drives or run errands at the oddest times?"

"Not that I can recall. 'Course you came out to Hazzard more often than we came out here to Placid." Luke helped to get the food on the table. Even though Jebb would have gotten the food dished out for his sisters, it was a lot easier for Luke to do it instead. "Kind of makes sense in its own way. Dukes love to drive, for any reason. Uncle John drives while he argues too?"

"Plus, Mom can't walk away while they're drivin' down the road. She has no choice but to sit and listen to what Pop has to say. I can't remember how old I was when I finally figured out that was the reason behind the drives."

"Should we wait for them?"

"Nah. They won't be back for a while."

And they weren't.

Luke and Jebb had cleaned up supper and put the leftovers away. The twins were in the den practicing for their recital Friday night and from all that Luke could tell, they seemed to dance pretty well, for their age. Both twins beamed when Luke praised them when they were done.

Soon enough, it was time for the twins to get ready for bed and no one but Luke was surprised that John and Pauline weren't back. Luke thought about the whole drive while you argue deal. Then was struck by an odd thought. Jebb caught the sudden smile on Luke's face and asked him what he was thinking about.

"It's just this. Your Pop drives so your mom can't walk out on the argument. That wouldn't work on a woman born a Duke. Since when did a moving vehicle ever keep a Duke inside?"

Jebb got the mental image of his mother trying to do some of the stunts that nearly all the Dukes had done at one time or another like getting out the window and jumping into a nearby car both barreling down the road at about fifty miles an hour. Jebb couldn't stop himself from laughing aloud at the image.

"No, Cuz. I reckon it wouldn't. Mom still gets scared to death anytime Pop jumps the car. But now if you were fightin' with Daisy in the car, she'd definitely would just walk out on the whole fight. She'd just hop on out."

With that, both cousins busted out laughing again at the truth in that statement.

While getting ready for the night, Jebb asked Luke about Daisy's new fella. That led to Luke ranting about L.D. and his frustrations of Daisy dating the drifter. Jebb realized just how out of the loop he was by living in Placid. He wished that there wasn't such a long drive between the two farms because if he was given the choice, he'd much rather live closer to his Duke cousins than the Loftlin cousins from his mother's side.

John and Pauline had finally pulled over to continue their discussion. Something that John only ever did once he was fairly certain that his wife wouldn't decide to take off back to the farm on foot. He had tried to explain that Jebb had been more than patient enough with the girl that Pauline had picked out for him. And to be honest, he had done so longer than he had expected of his son. He knew that Pauline was anxious for Jebb to settle down like his older sister had done, but throwing him together with someone like Mary Ellen just wasn't going to do the trick. She wasn't his type no more than Kelly Anne was Luke's.

"Duke Men have always been pulled to strong women. Not the type that have been raised to believe that they need a man to be happy. Someone that you could never put under your thumb like you did with Mary Ellen. Not to mention someone that wouldn't hold for the kind of pushing that you've been using on Jebb. Jebb would need someone that is just as smart and quick witted as he is."

"What makes you so sure of that?"

"I fell in love with you, didn't I?" John winked at her while he answered.

Damn him for still being able to pull off that slow, sexy smile that had made her heart stop nearly thirty years earlier.

"Put it this way. The next girl that Jebb brings home that you can't stand, that will be the one." And that was precisely what Pauline was afraid of. Getting a daughter in law that she was constantly at odds with. "Besides, Jebb's barely a few months older than Bo and there ain't no one that would say that Bo's anywhere close to being ready to settle down either." Pauline opened her mouth to say something when John cut her off. "And wishful thinkin' don't count."

She closed her mouth with the words that had wanted to be voiced dying on her lips. Okay. Well she had one argument left up her sleeve. Luke was a lot older than the others so the whole 'Too young to settle down' thing wouldn't work. That dog don't hunt. Pauline felt that Luke had sown enough wild oats to be getting down to real business.

Of course, Pauline wasn't going to say that right now. Besides, she knew that fighting wasn't the only thing that Duke Men liked to do in cars.

Lucky for her.

The next day, John and Luke were back mending fences and talking.

"So, tell me more about these Smoke Hoppers."

"Smoke JUMPERS, Uncle John."

John smiled at the slight annoyance that came to his nephew's face. Yep. Luke had done more than some light thinking on the subject. If John knew his nephew at all, he knew that he had done his homework on the subject.

"Like I said before, they are all highly trained, experienced firefighters. Which would cut me out of the runnin' right there."

"Why's that?" John steadied the post he was holding as Luke drove it in. "I happen to know that every farmer in Hazzard serves their time at the volunteer fire department in town. You and Bo ain't been no different."

"I kind of doubt that it is the same thing that the Forestry Service is lookin' for, Uncle John."

"What else do you know about them? They work all year round?"

"Nah. They usually are on call from June first through October; during peak fire season. Training would be in the spring of the first year. After that there'd be a two-week refresher course instead. I suppose that if a bad enough fire broke out, they'd still call ya in durin' the off season, too."

"So, you'd still be able to help Jesse out durin' the plantin' season most likely?" Luke looked up at his uncle though he didn't seem to be paying no mind to him.

"What are you sayin'?"

"I ain't sayin' nothin'. Just makin' an observation. It just seems to me that you could do both. Live at the farm half the year and jump the other half. By the time you really started to get homesick, it'd be time to start countin' down to when you could go home."

Luke was about to respond to his uncle's observation when his uncle continued.

"Hey, Luke, I don't think we've got enough nails to do the next section. How about runnin' into town and gettin' some more would ya."

"Sure thing." With that, Luke headed to the truck with the observations of his uncle's running laps inside his head.

Once in town, Luke found the hardware store in Tranquil and made his purchase and headed back to where he had parked the truck when he saw a familiar red car pull up right beside it. Getting out, Kelly Anne waved to Luke and headed his way. Somehow the fact that she didn't seem upset actually bothered him.

He had thought that he had escaped having to put up with the woman that his aunt had decided to push his way. If it hadn't been for the fact that Luke was well aware of the kind of expectations that he knew both Pauline and Kelly Anne had in regard to this relationship, it probably wouldn't bother him. But knowing that both women expected him to commit to a long-term relationship just made it a bit more difficult to act casual and just enjoy the time he had here in Placid.

"Hey, Luke. I just wanted to check to make sure that we're still on for Saturday. We are, aren't we?" The brunette looked up at Luke expectantly.

Luke figured that his best bet was to play dumb. He knew that Pauline and she had discussed the dance on Saturday, but neither of them had said anything directly to him about it. They just sort of talked around him; made plans for him instead of with him.

"The dance?" Luke gave her his best bewildered look as if he had no idea what she was talking about.

"Yeh, the church social. Pauline said she talked to you about it." Kelly Anne frowned at the look Luke gave her.

"I know that Jebb said something about the social. How he didn't plan to go. But I can't recall anyone asking me if I wanted to go." True enough. No one had asked him.

"Oh. I thought you knew. Well, now that you do, you're goin' right?"

Think Luke, think. "Well, I-"

"Good, Pauline can give ya directions out to the house." With that, Kelly Anne got back in her car and drove off.

"Brilliant, Lukas. All those times that your brain got ya out of trouble in the past and now it couldn't even come up with one little excuse not to go to the dance." Luke berated himself as he headed back to the farm.

"You were wrong, Cuz. Kelly Anne still wants to go to the dance with me. She took me by surprise, and I couldn't come up with one lousy excuse to give her."

"I bet you never thought that you'd be trying to duck a woman. Their daddies, now, that is something that you're used to, not the girl herself."

"Jebb! That's it. You said that Kelly Anne's dad is the minister in town, right?"

Jebb looked at his eldest cousin in confusion, "Yep, but how does that help?"

"Well, suppose that Kelly Anne's daddy learned that his daughter was goin' to the dance with a low-down, playboy of a ruffian. Suppose that he don't allow Kelly Anne to go to that dance with me?"

Jebb smiled as he thought about Luke's idea. "And just how is he gonna hear about some of your exploits?"

"I'm sure you can figure something out. After all, it was your mother that got me into this."

"You mean I get a chance to bad mouth ya to my heart's content huh? Let me see...Just where should I start? How about the rumor that you have at least two or three kids over at the orphanage? Or I can start off with... No, that one would just get ya hitched." Jebb looked at the horror that briefly crossed Luke's face. A wicked smile landed across his face as the wheels in his head started to turn. "Don't worry, Cuz. By the time I'm done, the whole town'll be runnin' ya out of Placid."

"Thanks...I think."

The next day, Jebb got his chance to speak with Reverend Hitchens when he came over to speak with him about Mary Ellen. He knew that it would just be a matter of time. After all, he had practically dusted off that book of his that he keeps for weddings months ago. His mother had taken the girls to visit his older sister in town and Luke and his dad were out tending to one chore or another, so Jebb was at the house alone when his visitor came to calling.

"Well, Jebb. I heard you got yourself hurt. You alright, Son?"

Jebb had to do his best not to flinch at the word Son. "Yes sir. Looks like I get to play hopscotch all summer long."

"I suppose you know why I'm here?"

Jebb swallowed hard. Dang, couldn't he just go get the buck shot and get it over with. He wouldn't even have to be a good shot since Jebb couldn't run away.

"I reckon it's because Mary Ellen got upset when I suggested that she find someone else to take her to the social since I couldn't." Hitchens nodded. "Sir, I didn't mean to hurt her. It just seemed to be the fairer thing to do; especially since she knew from the beginning that I wasn't really interested in dating anyone right now."

The minister motioned for Jebb to sit since it couldn't be all that comfortable squirming while balancing on one foot. Now that he thought about it, he never really did see much in the way of a mutual attraction between his daughter and the young Duke before him. Oh, he knew that his mother was all for the relationship, but he had never seen more than a chaste kiss given on the cheek exchanged between the two young people; a fact that his daughter had complained to his wife about.

"I know." And he did. He knew the young man well enough to know that. He wouldn't have agreed to let his daughter see him in the first place if he'd had any doubt about just what kind of man he was. He wanted to be angry with the young man but somehow, he had the feeling that Jebb had tried to do right by his daughter. And now he could face his wife since he had come for a sit down with him.

"Sir, I do have to ask something. You ain't really goin' to let my cousin take Kelly Anne to the social, are you?"

"Would that be a problem?'

Jebb made an attempt to glance out the window to ensure that no one had pulled into the driveway before turning back to the minister before him. Pulling off a shuck 'n jive on a man of the cloth. He was gonna burn for sure.