Thank you for the reviews, please keep them coming! I had one reviewer say that they like to try and guess what the next chapter will be about based on the chapter title that I post at the end. If you guys want to tell me your guesses in the reviews, I think that would be really interesting! I'm curious to see how many of you would get it right!
This chapter deals with more about Jay and it includes some things dealing with PTSD.
K: Kiss it Better
*An Intelligence case leads to finding a man dead who was a member of the Rangers at the same time as Jay. He finally opens up to Erin about his past.
"I'm driving!" Erin yelled as she ran off of the elevator of the apartment. She slammed open the front doors to the building and heard Jay's footsteps right behind her. She laughed and turned around to see how close he was, but instead, she felt her feet being lifted off of the ground.
Erin squealed as she gripped tightly onto Jay's jacket as he ran over to his car. He set her down on the passenger's side and put his hands on either side of her so she was trapped with her back against the car. He leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss.
"I win." He kissed her again, and again, and one final time. Erin grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled him in for a longer kiss. She reached her hands up to touch his hair and felt their lips disconnect. "Not right now. We don't have time."
Erin pouted. "Can't we just tell them we overslept?"
"Yeah, you can call Voight and tell him that."
She smiled and got into the car, her phone vibrating immediately after. She saw it was a text message from Antonio telling them to meet him at an address where the latest crime had been committed. She showed Jay, who nodded his head and started to drive in that direction.
Jay glanced over at Erin. "Any details on what we're looking at today?"
"Nope, just an address and saying to meet there instead of the station."
"What were you thinking about for dinner tonight?"
"Mmmm…pizza?"
"I was thinking I could make us something. Any suggestions?"
"Oooh, your chicken fettucine Alfredo!" Erin practically moaned.
Jay laughed. "Don't get too excited there."
"Shut up." She sighed happily. Things were perfect right now.
As soon as that thought came to her mind, she felt herself start to panic. When things were perfect, it was only a matter of time before something would happen to ruin it all.
She hated that she was so cynical, but she was sure that it came from the way she was raised. Instead of lingering on her previous thought, she reached over and grabbed Jay's hand that wasn't on the steering wheel. She saw his small smile and she was amazed at the fact that she could make him so happy.
"Erin?"
"Hmmm?"
"I love you."
Now she was the one smiling. "I love you too."
They knew they had arrived at their destination when they saw the cop cars. They reluctantly pulled their hands away from each other and got out of the car.
"Halstead, Lindsay!" Ruzek came over to them.
"What do we have?" Erin questioned.
"Male, mid-thirties, found with a bullet in his head."
"Who called the police?" Jay wondered.
"His four-year-old daughter. We think she saw the whole thing, but she's not talking."
"We'll try." Erin stated. She and Jay looked at each other and she could tell what he was thinking; cases involving kids suck.
They went over to the ambulance where Sylvie Brett was sitting with the little girl, trying to check her over for any injuries. Erin studied the child. She was small with pale skin, curly dark hair, and big brown eyes. She was adorable, even with the blank look on her face.
"Is she alright?" she asked.
"She seems to be okay, just in shock."
Erin climbed into the ambulance. She looked back at Jay, who looked like he had seen a ghost. She opened her mouth to speak, but he turned and walked the other way. She wanted to call out to him, but she didn't want to scare this little girl any more than she already was.
"Hi sweetie, my name is Erin. What's your name?" She was met with silence. "I know that you saw something scary in there, but you're safe now."
Ruzek came over to the ambulance. "How is she?"
"She's scared, but that's okay." Erin reassured the child. "Where is her mom?" she mouthed.
"On her way home. She said that her husband was supposed to take her to preschool, just like he did every day."
"Hey, your mommy is going to be here soon, okay? You're safe and we're not going to let anything happen to you. But we need to know what happened to your daddy. Can you tell me your name?"
"Dakota." The child whispered.
"That's a very pretty name. Dakota, did someone hurt your daddy?" she shook her head no. "Did your daddy hurt himself?" she nodded her head yes.
"Daddy didn't wake me up for school and I came to get him and I saw him in the livin' room and he was cryin' and he had a gun. Mommy says guns are bad and not to play with guns, but I didn't get to tell Daddy cause then he fell down. I tried to wake him up, but he wouldn't!"
Erin's heart broke for this little girl. "Dakota, you were so brave, do you know that? Did you call 911?"
"Uh-huh. Mommy and Daddy said only when something bad happens and I didn't know what to do 'cause I couldn't remember Mommy's number."
"You did the right thing. When someone is hurt, you should always call 911 and then the police will come and try to help you."
"Are you a police officer?" Dakota wondered, looking at her clothes and clearly wondering where her uniform was.
Erin smiled. "I'm a detective, which is pretty much like a police officer."
"That's so cool!" Dakota looked around the ambulance for what seemed like the first time. "Are you a doctor?" she asked Sylvie.
"No, I'm a paramedic. Those are the people who come when there's an emergency and they take them to the doctor."
"Hey Dakota, if you want, I can show you what a cop car looks like." Ruzek offered.
"Okay!" She got up from where she was sitting and looked at Erin. "Can you come too?"
"Of course." Erin got out of the ambulance and then reached her arms up for Dakota, who clung to her. Erin could tell that she was still scared, but she was doing better now.
That's when they heard the yelling. Erin and Adam looked over and saw that Jay was being escorted out of the house by Alvin and Atwater, both of which were trying to get him to calm down.
"Lindsay!" Atwater called out.
"I've got her." Adam reassured her. "Hey Dakota, Erin has to go check something out over there to help with the police work. Is it okay if I take you into the cop car until your mommy gets here?"
"Yeah." Dakota hugged Erin. "Thank you for coming to save my daddy."
Erin felt the tears come to her eyes. This little girl didn't even know that her father was dead. She passed her over to Adam and went to see what was going on.
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"Is she alright?" Erin asked. Jay stood behind her, his eyes glued to the child. There's no way that could be her.
"She seems to be okay, just in shock."
Erin climbed into the ambulance and looked back at him.
He couldn't do this.
Jay turned and walked towards the house. He had to be sure that it was him. He went inside, seeing Al, Atwater, and Antonio standing in the living room. He slowly came over and saw the man collapsed on his side, a puddle of blood around his head.
"Do we have an ID on the victim?" he hated how hard it was getting for him to swallow.
"Brian Taketa, age 36." Antonio supplied. "It's looking like suicide."
Jay clenched his hands into fists. He was right. It was him.
"What could possibly make a man take his life in front of his own daughter?" Atwater questioned.
"You don't understand!" Jay finally exploded, shoving his hands into Atwater's chest. He barely budged.
"Halstead, take a walk." Antonio commanded.
Jay felt a steady headache starting to pound in his temples. He held his head in his hands. He was hit with a memory- heavy boots running through the mud, the sound of gunfire, Taketa's hand covering his mouth so his screaming wouldn't be too loud when they pulled out the bullet.
Antonio went to put a hand on Jay's shoulder. "Don't." Alvin called out. He came over to stand in front of the younger man. "Jay, it's alright. Let's go outside."
"No, it's not alright." He shook his head. "It can't be Taketa! He would never do this!"
"You know as well as I do that PTSD can make a person do things you never thought they were capable of. Let's go outside."
"His daughter." Jay said. "He loved his daughter more than anything in this world. He wouldn't just leave her to find his body."
"Come on, Jay." Alvin and Atwater started to lead him outside. "Let's sit down."
"I don't want to sit down! Why would he do this? He was doing better!" Jay shouted. "He was the only one of us who always kept his head on straight. He never, ever cried because of how much he missed home, or complained about how unfair it all was."
"Lindsay!" Jay heard Atwater yell, but he didn't care anymore. He had to get out of here. He needed a drink.
Then, he saw Erin. She had a confused expression on her face and came over to him. Jay felt completely numb as she put her hand on his arm and he pulled it away from her. The pain in her eyes didn't register with him.
"What's going on?"
"Our victim is a man Jay knows from his time in the Rangers." Alvin stated.
Erin understood the look on her boyfriend's face after that. He didn't talk too much about the Rangers and what all happened, and any time she tried to bring it up, he would tell her that it was in the past and he didn't need to worry about it now.
"Hey, listen to me, okay? We're gonna leave. We'll go home." Erin told her boyfriend. He didn't even seem like he was focusing on her. "Jay."
"Hmmm?"
"Do you want to go home?"
Jay looked around at everyone staring at him. He was embarrassed for having such a big outburst and causing a scene. No one needed to know how he felt about all of this. He nodded his head slowly.
"Tell Voight if he's got a problem, then he can come talk to me." Erin told the rest of the team. She wasn't really sure what to do when it came to Jay; she didn't know if it would set him off if she touched him.
"Jay!" she heard a woman's voice yell. Erin turned her head to see who it was. She assumed the woman was the victim's wife. "Jay, what happened? Who did this to him?"
"Ma'am, if you want to come over here, these detectives can explain it to you…" Erin attempted.
"No, I need to hear it from him." She stood in front of Jay. "Please. What happened to Brian?"
Gunshots. A bullet blowing right through Mouse's leg. Jay and Taketa picking him up and running as fast as they could to take cover.
Mouse.
"Erin, I need to talk to Mouse." Jay frantically told her. "He needs to know, I have to tell him."
"It's okay…" Erin tried.
"Tell him what? Jay, what happened to my husband? All they would say is that he's dead!"
Erin looked at the woman. "What is your name, ma'am?"
"Lydia, Lydia Taketa. Brian is my husband."
"I'm Detective Erin Lindsay. If you will just follow me over here, I can have someone talk to you about what happened to your husband, and then they can bring you to Dakota. Right now, Jay is not in the right state of mind to be answering questions."
"Okay." Lydia agreed.
"He shot himself." Jay mumbled. Lydia heard him though, and asked him to repeat it. "He shot himself. Dakota found him and called 911."
"What?" Lydia broke down in sobs. "He wouldn't do that! He's better! He hasn't had nightmares or been drinking or anything! He said he feels happier!"
"I'm so sorry, Lydia."
The woman threw herself into Jay's arms. He put his arms around her, but Erin could see how tightly his hands were balled into fists and the stiff way he stood. His face was blank as he stared at the ground.
"Lydia, I just want to prepare you for what is to come." Erin said, putting her hand on the woman's back after a minute. "Dakota told me that she woke up and realized her father hadn't woken her up for school. She went downstairs to find him and she came in right as the gun went off. She tried to wake him up, but he wouldn't get up. She doesn't know that he passed. If you would like one of us to tell her, we can…"
"No, I'll tell her." Lydia sniffled.
"Erin, I have to go find Mouse." Jay told her.
"I know." She reassured her boyfriend. She signaled for Adam to come over. He lifted Dakota up and brought her over to her mother.
"Mommy, look! I saw a cop car!" she jumped into her mother's arms. Lydia held onto that little girl like her life depended on it. "Erin and Adam were really nice to me."
"That's good, sweetie."
"Is Daddy okay?"
Lydia's eyes filled with tears. "No, Dakota, he's not. Daddy is up in Heaven now, like Grandma and Grandpa."
"Nuh-uh, he's in the living room!"
"Erin." Jay said urgently.
"Adam, give Lydia my number. Call me if you need anything, okay?" she hurried after Jay, who had headed towards his car. He went to the driver's side, but she ran to catch up to him and grabbed the keys from his hand.
"I'm going to drive."
"I need to find Mouse."
"I will drive us to see him. We're not arguing about this, Jay. Go."
He gave in and handed her the keys and walked around to the passenger's side. Erin got in and started to adjust the seat so that she could reach the pedals.
"Hurry!" Jay rushed her.
"You need to calm down."
"Don't tell me what I need to do!"
Erin stayed quiet after that while Jay stared out his window. They arrived at District 21 in about fifteen minutes and Jay jumped out before she even had the car parked.
She followed after him as he ran into the building. They ignored Sargent Platt as she called out to them and went straight up to Intelligence. Mouse was sitting at his computer.
"Hey guys." He greeted. "I thought you were all meeting at a house for a case."
Jay went over and sat on the edge of Mouse's desk. Erin went to her own desk, deciding that she needed to give them a little bit of privacy.
"We did. I have to talk to you about something."
"Okay, go ahead."
"Mouse, it was Taketa."
Erin watched as his face fell. "What?"
"Taketa shot himself in the head."
"What? No, he couldn't have. Where were Lydia and Dakota?"
"Lydia had gone to work already. Dakota saw the whole thing happen. She's the one who called 911."
"There's no way. I would have recognized his address."
"No, they moved, remember? Taketa invited us over a couple times, but we were always busy with cases."
Mouse stood up and enveloped Jay in a hug. The two men stood there for a couple minutes and Erin had to keep her focus on her phone so she wouldn't cry. She didn't know how she could help Jay right now because she had no idea what he needed.
They stayed there for a while, neither of the men really talking, but both of them making tiny comments about their times overseas. Eventually, the rest of the team started to arrive.
"Halstead, Mouse, take the day off." Voight ordered.
"Sir, I'm…" Mouse began.
"I don't care. I want both of you to go home and rest. Lindsay, go with them."
"Come on." Erin stood up and went over to where the two of them were sitting. The two men stood without a fight and headed downstairs. Before they got into their cars, they shared another hug and promises to call each other if they needed to.
Erin got into the driver's seat of Jay's car again. It was killing her that she didn't know what to say to him. "Are you okay?"
"I don't know." Jay answered honestly.
"I'm here. Whatever you need."
"Thanks."
The drive to the apartment was completely silent. When they arrived, Jay got out of the passenger's seat and waited until Erin walked around to go into the building. She took that as a good sign.
When they walked inside, Jay sunk down on the couch. He stared blankly at the floor. Erin took off her jacket and hung it up, then went to the kitchen to find something to eat. She didn't know how much distance to give him and it made her heart hurt; he was so good at taking care of her and she had no clue what to say.
"Are you hungry?" she finally asked. "We've got leftover pizza, I can heat up some lasagna, we've got chicken…"
"Whatever you want." He interrupted. "I'm gonna go take a shower."
"Okay." She watched as he stood and disappeared down the hallway to go to their bedroom. She grabbed the lasagna since she knew it was one of his favorites and preheated the oven. She put the lasagna in and went to the bedroom to find something more comfortable to wear. As she got closer to the room, she heard the shower running.
Erin started to search through the drawers for a t-shirt and that's when she heard his cries. She held tightly to the shirt in her hands and sunk down on the bed.
She didn't know what to do. She didn't know if he would be embarrassed if she went in and she wanted him to be able to express his emotions, but she wanted to go to him. A tear slid down her own cheek and she wiped it quickly; she had no reason to cry.
The water turned off and she changed quickly. She closed the bedroom door just as Jay exited the bathroom and she hoped she had done the right thing by letting him cry it out.
They ate lasagna together with only the sound of the TV playing in the background. When they finished, Jay collected their plates and took them to the kitchen.
"Don't worry about washing them, I'll do it." Erin told him from the couch.
"I need something to do." She just nodded her head in understanding and let him do what he wanted.
"Jay, how are you doing? What's going on in your head?" she finally asked once he came back over to sit down.
"I'm fine."
"I know that isn't true."
"I don't push you to talk to me when you don't want to, so I would appreciate it if you do the same." He said gently. She knew he wasn't trying to hurt her feelings, but his words still stung.
The rest of their evening was spent mindlessly watching TV, though Erin spent more time watching Jay. At around 10:00, he finally pressed the power button on the remote.
"Can we sleep?"
"Yeah." Erin agreed. They headed to the bedroom together and Erin settled under the blankets while Jay sat on the edge of the bed. She saw he was looking at something and craned her neck slightly to see what he was holding.
"This picture is from the last time we all got together." Jay turned to show her the picture on his phone. It was him, Mouse, Taketa, and Taketa's daughter Dakota. She was wearing her father's military boots as she sat on his shoulders. "That little girl was his whole world. I can't imagine what Lydia is going through right now."
"We'll go check on her tomorrow." Erin reassured him. "We'll help her with whatever she needs."
"Dakota is too little to understand what happened. She's not even going to remember him." Jay locked his phone. "It's not fair. He was a good man and his daughter will only know that her father committed suicide."
"No she won't because she'll have her mother to tell her stories about him, and she'll have you and Mouse."
Jay just sighed and laid his head against the pillows. Erin was on her side facing him and she knew she should just leave him alone, but she couldn't help it. She reached an arm out and started to gently stroke his arm, trying to be comforting in some way. Jay didn't react as he fell asleep slowly. It didn't take long for Erin to join him.
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Erin woke abruptly and she didn't understand why. But it only took a matter of seconds for her to look up and see her boyfriend straddling her, his hands around her neck and a cold look in his eyes that she had never seen before.
"Jay." She gasped out. She wrapped her fingers around his wrists in an attempt to get him to let go and it didn't work. He was a lot stronger than her and she knew she couldn't fight him off. He pressed down harder and she felt herself start to get dizzy.
Suddenly, he let go. He rolled back to his side and his eyes closed. Erin scrambled off the bed, resting her back against the wall next to the bed and pulling her knees up to her chest. She touched the place he had been holding on her neck and let out a quiet whimper. She didn't even realize she was crying until she felt a teardrop hit her knee.
For the first time ever, she was scared of Jay. She hated herself for feeling that way because she realized that it was probably just a nightmare, and it most likely had to do with PTSD, but it didn't help that she had a long history of abusive boyfriends.
So for the rest of the night, she sat and watched him, making sure he didn't hurt himself or her again.
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When Jay woke up, he reached his arms out to try and pull Erin closer, but he was met with cold sheets. He sat up slightly and looked around the room, seeing that it was empty.
He changed into a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt and went out into the living room to see what she was doing. He found her in the kitchen making toast. She was already dressed in a pair of jeans and a turtleneck and he saw how hesitant her smile was when she finally looked up at him.
"Good morning." She called out.
"Morning." He sat on one of the stools in front of the counter.
"I made you some toast." She slid a plate towards him. "Are you going to take the day off?"
"No."
"I figured. I don't know if you're ready for this, Jay. Maybe it would be for the best if you stayed home."
"I need to stay busy and do normal things. That's how you heal."
"Yeah, but you've barely had any time to grieve."
"Regardless of what happened, my life is still going on. I have to wake up and be Detective Jay Halstead and do what I need to do to keep Chicago safe."
"Yes, you do, but one more day off isn't going to hurt anyone."
"I'm going to work." Jay stubbornly insisted.
Erin sighed. "If you think you're ready then I can't tell you what to do."
"I know."
"I'm going to finish getting ready."
"You didn't even eat your toast." He noticed.
"I'm not that hungry." She left her plate sitting on the counter while she disappeared into the bedroom.
Jay sighed. He didn't mean to act so rude to Erin. He knew she was only trying to help, but he didn't need her to tell him what to do with his life. He was a grown man and he could make his own decisions without troubling her with his problems. She had enough on her own plate.
He finished his breakfast slowly. Once he was done, he got up and went into the bathroom attached to their bedroom to brush his teeth. Erin was standing in front of their closet and looking down at the ground. She didn't even act like she heard him come in.
He brushed his teeth and reentered the room. "Ready?"
"Yeah." She slid her feet into her boots and reached down to zip them up. "Let's go."
They silently walked out of the apartment, Erin locking the door behind them. When they got to the car, they both hesitated at who would take the driver's seat.
"You can drive." Erin gave in, handing him the set of keys. Jay accepted them and started up the car. "Are you sure you want to go to work?"
"Yeah."
"Okay." She turned her head to look out the window.
Jay was surprised. He had thought she would put up more of a fight. He arrived at the district right on time and they walked upstairs together.
"What are you doing here, Halstead?" Voight questioned as soon as they walked in.
"Working. I need to take my mind off things."
"I can't have you here if your head isn't 100 percent here. It's a risk to you and a risk to the rest of the team."
"I'm 100 percent here, sir."
"Alright. I'm sorry about your friend, Jay. If there's anything I can do…"
"Thank you." Jay awkwardly brushed off. He didn't want everyone treating him differently just because of Taketa's death. He went over to his desk.
"Are you alright?" he looked back when he heard Voight ask the question. He saw that it was directed at Erin. He watched the way his girlfriend nodded and he knew instantly that something was going on. She went over and sat down at her desk. He tried to make eye contact, but she kept her focus down.
Voight started to brief them on new information for a case they had been working on for a while and Jay did everything he could to pay attention. He felt horrible knowing that Erin was struggling with something, and he hoped that she wasn't worrying about him.
"Lindsay and Halstead, I want you to go to the warehouse where the crime was committed and see if you can find anything that could tell us who these guys are." Voight ordered. He rattled off assignments to the rest of the team before everyone moved to do what they were supposed to do.
"Hey…" Jay reached out to touch Erin and she flinched. He pulled his hand back quickly. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm good. Let's just go, okay?" she started to walk downstairs, leaving Jay to wonder what was happening.
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The entire day was focused mainly on the case, but Erin was happy to say they had caught one of Chicago's biggest drug lords. She hadn't had hardly any time to pay attention to Jay and she felt bad. She wanted to be there for him through all of this, but it was difficult when he wouldn't talk to her. She made a mental note to tell him all about her problems next time she was having one of her moments because this situation was extremely frustrating.
By the time all the paperwork was filled out and they finally got to go home, it was almost midnight. Erin kicked her shoes off as soon as she walked in the door and Jay picked them up, just like he always did. She walked into the bedroom and peeled off her jeans and shirt and threw them in the general direction of the hamper. She put on a clean t-shirt and a pair of shorts and quickly climbed into bed, pulling the blankets up to her chin.
Jay came in a few minutes later and headed straight towards the bathroom. She heard the shower turn on and sighed in relief. She reached her hand up and gently pressed against the bruises around her neck, whimpering at the instant pain.
She didn't want to tell him what happened because she didn't want him to feel guilty. She was hoping that he would open up to her and deal with these issues, and maybe even see Dr. Charles.
Her entire body was practically begging for sleep. She had only slept for about two hours the night before and she knew she wouldn't get much tonight either considering it was already 12:30am and they had to get back to the station by 8am.
She heard the shower turn off and shut her eyes, suddenly wide awake. A few minutes later, Jay came out. "Erin?" he whispered, but she didn't respond. He came over and kissed her forehead, then laid down on his side of them bed. She realized that was the first physical contact they had had all day.
It took about a half an hour before she was sure that he had fallen asleep. She felt him move and braced herself to feel his hands around his neck, but he let out a sigh and stayed asleep. She hated that she was scared to sleep next to him.
She turned to face him and studied his expression. He looked the most peaceful she had seen him since Taketa's death. She kissed his cheek.
Erin lifted the blankets and crawled out of bed. She sat on the floor with her back up against the wall again, just watching him to make sure he was safe. She was beyond exhausted, but she didn't want him to hurt himself in his sleep. Before she knew it, the sun was creeping through the windows and she hadn't slept at all.
She grabbed her keys and went out to grab coffee and donuts, returning and dropping it all on the counter. She drank her entire coffee and then went to take a quick shower. By the time she was out, Jay was awake and starting to sit up. She slowly backed up into the bathroom again and shut the door, praying he hadn't seen her. She still needed to find something to wear that would cover the bruises on her neck and she didn't want him to see them.
She heard him get up and was relieved when the sound of his footsteps was getting further away. She quickly exited the bathroom and searched her closet for something else to wear. She chose another turtleneck and hoped no one would notice, but she figured no one would question it since it was always cold in Chicago.
"Thanks for the breakfast." Jay said to her as they passed each other in the hallway.
"Mmhmm." She went to the kitchen to eat her own donut and wondered when things had gotten so awkward between them.
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Hank watched everyone in his unit at all times. He noticed when Ruzek would look away from his computer to check the scores on the latest game. He noticed when Antonio's gaze would linger a little longer on the picture on his desk that he had of his kids and ex-wife. He noticed when Atwater would disappear into the locker room to talk on the phone to his little sister.
But he watched Lindsay and Halstead the most. The woman that he had raised was very closed off and sometimes hard to read, but at other times, he could tell she was upset as soon as she walked in the door. He didn't know Halstead as well, but the man was very emotional when it came to his surrogate daughter; if she was upset, he would look up at her at least once every two minutes. If she was angry, he would try and avoid her to give her some space. And if she was happy, then they would both joke around or smile at each other throughout the morning briefing.
Today, he noticed the completely blank look on Erin's face. He wasn't sure what was going on with her, so he looked at Halstead to get some kind of an idea. His detective looked too lost in his own emotions to even notice something was happening with Erin.
Hank watched as Jay brushed past Erin on his way to his desk, and the way that Erin tensed up. He figured she was angry, until he looked to Jay and saw that the sadness in his face from his grief quickly turned into concern.
He knew he had to give them a little space. He had to let this play out and see if they could work through this together. He wasn't sure what was happening with Erin, but he knew that this was the first obstacle that had come up where it was Halstead who needed to be worried about. He had to let them figure it out. He would continue to watch, but he couldn't step in. Not yet.
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The day ended at around 7pm and Erin was beyond grateful. Jay walked over to her in the locker room.
"I'm going to go to Molly's with Mouse. You wanna come?"
"No, I'm kind of tired. I think I'll just go home and get some rest."
"Okay." Jay studied her for a second. "Thank you for giving me some space. With everything going on, I just don't know how to handle it. But I know you're here and if I need to, I can talk to you." He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "I love you."
"I love you too." He noticed the stiffness of her body. When he went to ask about it, she turned around to grab all of her belongings. "See you at home." She walked out before he could even open his mouth.
Erin got into the car and let out a sigh of relief. At least she could get a little sleep before he came home. She was so tired she had almost fallen asleep at her desk and she knew Hank wouldn't approve of that.
As soon as she got home, she stripped out of her clothes and threw on one of Jay's t-shirts. She sunk into the bed and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
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When Erin woke up, it was just starting to get light outside. She felt movement and turned around. Jay was thrashing back and forth in his sleep, sweat gathered on his forehead as he struggled with his inner demons.
"Jay, wake up. It's okay." She tried. She shook his arm and was surprised at the speed he grabbed her wrist. She felt his grasp tighten and gasped in pain. He let go of her and rolled over to face away from her.
Tears involuntarily spilled out of Erin's eyes, more because of the fact Jay had put his hands on her than her wrist hurting. She knew that he didn't mean to, but she was becoming more and more afraid of him.
She got up and started to get ready for the day.
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"Lindsay, Halstead, my office." Hank called out as soon as he saw the appearance of the detectives. Jay looked hungover and Erin was wearing a turtleneck for the third day in a row, along with an upset facial expression.
The two of them came in and sat down in the chairs across from his. He studied them both before speaking.
"What's going on?"
"Nothing." They answered together.
He sighed at their stubbornness. "Do you think I'm stupid? I know something is happening. Halstead, what's going on with you? How are you handling everything?"
"I'm not gonna lie, Sarge. It's hard. He was one of my closest friends and I can't believe that he's gone, especially in the way that he went. It hurts knowing that that little girl will only remember her father for his last moments. But I'm handling it."
Hank looked at Erin and saw that her gaze was on his desk. She seemed completely out of it and he noticed the bags under her eyes.
"Erin?"
"I'm fine, Hank. Just worried about Jay. I've gotta get started on my paperwork." She stood up to leave.
"Erin, wait." Jay stood too and reach out to grab her hand. He got her wrist instead and both men were surprised when Erin yelped, yanking her hand away from him and pulling it close to her chest.
"Sit down." Hank ordered. He noticed the tears threatening to spill from Erin's eyes and how she slowly sat down. "Give me your arm."
She reached her arm out and he rolled up her sleeve. He noticed the dark bruises around her wrist and looked at her in confusion.
"What happened?" Jay questioned. "We need to go to Chicago Med to get that checked out. I'll call Will and let him know that we're coming…"
"No. No hospital." Erin protested. She moved her arm away from Hank. "I'm fine."
"Really?" Hank studied her. "Are you wearing anything under your turtleneck?"
She frowned. "A bra and a tank top. Why?"
"Take it off."
"No."
"Erin, take it off."
"What are you doing? What's going on?" Jay demanded.
Hank stood his ground. "I'm serious. Take off the turtleneck."
Erin struggled to get the shirt off because of her wrist. Jay moved forward to help her and gently slid it over her head. Both men frowned at the bruises around her neck. Erin bit her bottom lip and kept her gaze past them.
"Did you do this to her?" Hank accused Jay.
"What? I would never hurt her. Erin, what happened? How did you get those bruises?"
She opened her mouth to make an excuse, but a sob escaped her lips instead. Jay reached out to comfort her, but she pulled away.
"I will kill you for hurting her." Hank grabbed Jay, shoving him back against the wall.
"Stop!" she called out. She went over and threw herself between the two men, pressing her back against Jay's chest so that Hank wouldn't hurt him. "It was an accident."
"You have five seconds to explain before I put a bullet between his eyes." Hank said through clenched teeth.
"Since Taketa died, you've been having nightmares." She turned so that she could look at Jay. "The night he died, I woke up and you were on top of me choking me. I tried to pull your hands off, but you were too strong. I felt my head getting dizzy and then you got up and you went back to sleep. And then this morning, you were having a nightmare and I tried to wake you up and you grabbed my wrist." She explained through her tears.
"I-I did this?" Jay touched her neck gently with his thumb. "I hurt you?"
"It was an accident." She repeated.
"I'm so sorry." Hank watched as a tear slid down Jay's cheek. "I am so sorry." He looked conflicted on what to do with his hands. Erin took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him. He followed her lead and held her close to him, leaning his face into her hair. Hank could tell he was crying.
"It's okay. You didn't mean it." Erin whispered, stroking his back. "It's okay."
Jay lifted his head to look at Hank. "I would never hurt her on purpose. I'll do whatever you want me to do to prove that. I need to get help. I don't even know where to start."
"It sounds to me like a PTSD issue." Hank told the young man. "I think you should set up an appointment with Dr. Charles at Chicago Med."
"I'll call as soon as we're out of here." Jay stroked Erin's cheek with his thumb. "I want you to go to the hospital to get your wrist checked out. I'm going to stay in a hotel until I get all this under control."
"No." Erin shook her head.
"I don't want to hurt you." Jay helplessly stated. "I'm so sorry, baby." He kissed her forehead. "I love you."
"I love you too." Erin's head was resting on his chest and he gently swayed back and forth. "I think I'll set up an appointment with Dr. Charles too."
"If you think you should, then that could be good." Jay agreed. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
"I hated myself so much because I know you didn't do it on purpose, but I was terrified of you, Jay. I've had boyfriends who beat me up in the past and I think that's the main reason. I don't think my brain can separate all of this from what happened to me before." She saw the pained look on Jay's face. "Don't blame yourself. You didn't hurt me on purpose. I love you and I forgive you, okay?"
He took a deep breath. "Okay."
"Both of you make your phone calls and then come out, okay?" Hank looked at Jay. "You're a good man, Halstead. Don't let one mistake that you couldn't control rule your entire life. Forgive yourself for this and get some help."
"I promise I will."
"Alright. I'll see you both out there." Hank left the couple alone, knowing that they would work through this just like they did with everything else.
Next up… L: Limit