Chapter 23 Falling

Kara shuddered and curled around herself as the door closed once again behind Leoben and his metal escorts. After three days of force-feedings, she was getting physically a little stronger, but the Cylon wasn't giving her nearly enough to regain her former health, just enough to keep her going, keep her alive.

Even as her body recovered some, her mind was fragmenting.

She barely slept anymore. Unable to lose herself in delirium now, Kara found that each time she dozed off, nightmare images of blood, pain and death tormented her until she woke screaming. And waking was nearly as bad a shock as the sight of Sam's slowly decomposing body greeted her whenever she opened her eyes.

She could smell the rotting flesh now even above her own ripe stench. And, every time her gaze fell upon the once beloved face, its slow disintegration made her stomach want to turn, but the drugs she'd been given prevented her from vomiting, wrenching from her even that tiny bit of control. With each force-feeding, it was pressed in upon her how impotent she was. Somehow, not being able to expel her disgust only sped up her own internal dissolution.

As the days dragged on, she'd nearly come undone on several occasions, dragging the corpse to the door, pounding and yelling for them to come release her. Eventually exhausted, she always ended up curling into herself and shaking uncontrollably.

Leoben seemed to be near whenever this happened.

She'd suddenly become aware of hands stroking her hair and gently rubbing circles on her shivering back. Whispered words meant to comfort brushed her hair and he'd tell her to just let him in, release her resistance and she'd be free. He continued to take her subsequent rejections with patient acceptance, rising to leave her alone each time when she slapped his hand away.

Kara fell into a state of limbo where her dreams, nightmares and waking moments fused and she was often confused whether she was still locked away or lost in the desolation of her mindscape.

And, she started seeing Lee.

Sometimes he was there to rescue her, at others he stood over her, derisively saying that she was only getting what she deserved…and then there were moments when the body beside her had his face. Each of his 'visits' left her reeling as Lee dissolved into the reality of the four walls of her prison. Guilt quickly followed as her eyes focused on the body of her husband. Shouldn't she be dreaming of him? Gods! She was so frakked up.

When Kara jerked awake to the feeling of something crawling across her skin, she had no idea how much time had passed. She might have been hallucinating again or maybe this world had its own version of insects, but when she sat up and saw maggots squirming over her arm and the attached corpse, Kara lost her last fragile bit of self-control. Her hysterical shouts echoed about her as she jerked to her feet, frantically brushing at the bugs, desperate to get them off. She trampled the ground with bare feet, trying to crush the writhing pale worms. Then she was stomping on the arm of the corpse and clawing at her wrist, in a frenzy to get loose.

Into this, he came.

Kara turned into his arms, crying and grasping him as if drowning. "Pl-please…" her words choked out between gasps, "…take it…off… please…don't leave…"

He unlocked her cuff, freeing her from the pulped mess she had made of the corpse. "Shhh, shhh," murmured into her hair as she was lifted and carried a short distance. Then she was eased down and he was there with her, stroking and running his hands across her shuddering form, continuing to murmur soothingly into her hair.

Kara pressed further into the body beside her, her breath puffing out in panicked gusts as her fingers tore at his shirt, desperate to feel warm flesh on her palms. As the fabric parted, she burrowed against the bare chest and latched onto him. She turned her head so she could hear his heartbeat.

Lee's heartbeat.

A distant part of her kept prodding that something was wrong…different…but it was lost as warm fingers slid under her shirt and up her back, moving in slow circles before gliding downward.

She felt the questing hands as they slid her pants off her hips, knew when he rolled her onto her back. She needed this. Needed him. With eyes still closed, she felt him move over, and then into her. Head hidden against his neck, Kara felt his thrusts rock her and she clutched at him through the haze that choked her mind, the chill in her center demanding that she pull his warmth closer.

Her gasps had nothing to do with the things he was doing, she was too distraught to be aroused, but it was enough to just be with Lee again. As he finally came within her, he arched away…

…and Kara opened her eyes.

Not Lee.

…Leoben.

Kara's eyes rolled back in her head as mind and body fled from this, her greatest betrayal.