Chapter 26 Dawning Truths

It seemed to Kara that she was always waking from a nightmare to discover a worse one awaiting her.

This time she came to with Leoben leaning over her with his hand threading through her hair. She rolled over on the couch and instinctively kicked out, catching the Cylon on the hip and knocking him to his knees. Scrambling to her own feet and backing away, her eyes darted about and a shudder course through her when she recognized that she was back in the damned apartment again. Panting from the fright and adrenaline surge, she put more distance between herself and the skin-job as he rose to his feet.

What the frak happened? How'd she get back here?

Keeping a cautious eye on Leoben, Kara cast back through her memories, trying to understand all the swirling impressions. One abruptly took her legs from beneath her and she collapsed into one of the dining room chairs, her vision graying out as she lowered her head.

Sam was dead. Gods! How many times was she going get blindsided by the memory?

The muffled sound of a chair being shifted along the carpet jerked her head up and she saw Leoben settling across the table from her, his gaze radiating worry. How the hell had she come full circle, she wondered. Now that the initial shock eased aside, Kara tried again to make sense of the jumbled images in her mind. Sam's body growing stiff beside her. Hours…days…passing until Leoben came.

The force-feedings…

As the memories of the Centurions holding her down flooded back, Kara again retreated, rising to move over to the corner window and glaring back at her own personal stalker.

But what came after the force-feedings?

She rubbed at her temple as her memory seemed to just end at an ebony curtain, just like it had on other occasions. It was more than just losing time as she had earlier in the apartment. That had been like becoming aware that she'd been daydreaming and not able to remember about what. This…this void was shrouded in dark emotions and hinted at jagged teeth just waiting beyond to rend if she dared to probe too deeply.

Whatever it was that she couldn't remember, she suddenly was sure she didn't want to know. But it still left her stuck back in this gilded cell with a psycho Cylon and no clear understanding as to how or why. Maybe the other models had finally given up on trying to get anything from her. Or Leoben had somehow convinced them that he could succeed where they hadn't.

That was assuming that the elusive memories weren't of her spills her guts—and all Galactica's secrets—to the frakkin' Toasters. She quickly shied away from that possibility, staring instead out the window and across the desolate horizon…what she could see of it beyond the rooftops.

Fatigue finally pulled her away from the view after sunset and she returned to the sofa, sidling carefully around Leoben where he still sat passively watching her. After all but collapsing onto the couch, Kara was perplexed by how weak she felt. Not that she should be surprised. But her memory loss took on a sinister new meaning as she considered her debilitated condition; what if they had drugged her?

She scrubbed at her face, not sure what to think, just positive that it was bad, whatever it was.

"I can fix you some dinner…if you're ready to eat?"

Startled, Kara looked up to see that Leoben had silently moved to her side.

"Frak off, I'm not hungry."

"You should be. You hardly ate any of your breakfast this morning," he said. "It'll only take a few minutes to make a couple of sandwiches."

"Told you, I'm not hungry, so get the hell away from me," she said while mentally repeating his words. Breakfast this morning? How long has she been back here…with him? She covered her eyes with her right hand, need and fear vying to both remember and forget whatever was hidden behind the gaps in her mind.

A hand, his hand, pulled hers down from her face and she jerked away, giving him a glare as she hissed, "Don't you dare touch me."

"We've touched, Kara. We did more than that," he said, squatting down to her level. "Stop denying what's between us."

She was on her feet in an instant.

"You're lying," she spat out, the urge to strike restrained by a stronger revulsion as he rose to face her, nose to nose.

"No. I've held you and you've clung to me as me made love," he said. "Our first time was rushed, I know, but I took it slow after that."

Shoving at him now, "You're crazy," she said fiercely, and gave another hard shove as he fell back a step. "A lying machine that's crossed its wires." Leoben continued backing. "I'd never, never let you touch me, you bastard!" As she went to push him again, this time he pulled her into his chest, wrapping arms as strong as steel bands around her as he met her blazing gaze.

"I wouldn't lie about this. You gave yourself to me, Kara." He held her tight as she struggled to pull free. "Gave yourself, and now we're together as it was meant to be."

"Let go!" she spat at him.

"No, not while you deny what we've shared."

"Shared? I don't remember frakkin' sharing anything but my fists with you, you sick bastard!" She fought again to pull her arms from between them, only stopping when his crushing embrace made breathing difficult.

His gaze was perplexed as it met her hate-filled one. "You don't remember? Don't remember us?" He sounded almost hurt.

"No! I don't frakkin' remember, ok!" she shouted into his face, a tingle of satisfaction as he flinched from her words and eased his hold slightly. Pushing what she saw as a weakening on his part, "Last thing I remember is you and your metal pets and…and…" she trailed off, veering abruptly from thoughts of Sam.

He released her so suddenly that Kara stumbled back a few steps before catching her balance. She didn't attack him again as she watched concern, frustration and some other indefinable emotion cross Leoben's face.

As he stepped closer and raised his hand, Kara refused to flinch or give ground, ready to take and respond to the expected blow. Her eyes wavered in confused anger as his hand hovered just short of her cheek and she realized that he was holding back a caress instead of the expected strike.

"Oh, my Kara. You do make life difficult," he softly said as his hand fell back to his side. "In the cell, I released you, and you turned to me, gave yourself." She stiffened, holding her breath as he continued, "I carried you out and we made love. Search your senses and you'll know it's true. I didn't force you."

Breath choked in her chest; and her face went as white and fragile as tissue paper. Backing now from the man—the machine—in front of her, one hand held out defensively as if to ward him off, Kara shook her head in denial, but his words resonated with the echo of hands roaming her body.

She'd let him…

No—NO—it was another of his lies. It had to be. And yet…even without being able to recall anything, she could feel the truth behind his words, that she'd…that she had actually…

When the couch hit the back of her legs, Kara collapsed onto it and covered her face with her hands, waves of disgust making her unable to bear the sight of the Cylon any longer.

"Come join me in our bed."

She didn't raise her head, and a moment later she heard his receding steps. In self-loathing, Kara curled into the corner of the sofa and wished it were possible to fold herself into oblivion.