Chapter 28 Choice
Kara blinked bloodshot eyes at the dusky morning light coming through the living room curtains. Unable to sleep, she'd sat on the sofa holding Kacey as the little girl slept peacefully curled in her arms.
Thinking about the previous day, she recalled Leoben's shock on his return to the apartment and hearing Kara's recounting of D'Anna's ultimatum. The Cylon male had immediately stormed away again, only to return grim and sullen some hours later. His slight headshake was all the answer she needed to know that he'd been unable to persuade the other models to his side.
Kara had tried to pretend for Kacey's sake that everything was fine, yet, as the afternoon wore into evening, the growing knot of fear in her gut was making it more difficult to keep the anxiety from her voice and actions as she played with the child. Over dinner, she'd finally snapped at the chattering little girl to shut up and eat. As two pairs of shocked eyes had met her own, Kara had knocked her chair over backwards scrambling from it, and turned to press herself into the furthest corner, shame pushing the fear aside.
"It's ok, Kara," murmured Leoben into her ear. "We know you didn't mean it."
"It's not…not ok," Kara said without turning her face from the wall. "She always said she didn't mean it either."
"You are not your mother." Hands massaged her tensed shoulders, and Kara knew she should tell him to frak off, should swing around and hit him for touching her. But she couldn't. She needed the comfort he was offering…the forgiveness.
"Come back and finish your dinner," he urged, light fingers wrapping around her elbow as he turned her to face him. "You're upsetting Kacey more by hiding like this. Come and smile for her, Kara. Let her know everything's alright."
She let herself be led back to the table and smiled at her child just like he'd said.
Is this what she was going to have to do for D'Anna, plaster a smile over the shame? Was Kacey worth it? How could she answer that and not betray something she held dear?
Her duty to the fleet or to her daughter?
The cherub face framed by golden locks was raised trustingly to her while the Galactica was likely off to distant parts of the galaxy. She'd been abandoned by the fleet, as had all the colonists on New Caprica. It was obvious that neither Adama was going to return to rescue those that had foolishly settled on this hunk of rock. So, maybe the only viable option left for the humans stuck here was to accept the governance by their enemy—their once enemy.
With these thoughts brawling with her conflicted emotions on the battlefield of her soul, Kara spent the night with Kacey held against her and surrendered to the dawn with a resignation that caused another pillar of her psyche to crumble beneath the inevitable.
An hour later, Galactica returned and the battle for New Caprica began.