Sorry for the wait, I just started back at college and I'm still adjusting to my new school schedule and all the homework that comes with it, so it's a little hard to fit in time to write. I'm hoping to try and finish this story as soon as possible so that I can get to the next set of A-Z. Let me know what you think about this chapter!
Also, this chapter is based off the season 3 finale "Start Digging" where Justin dies. There are now some inconsistencies in this story because in "F-Found Not Lost", Erin is at Thanksgiving with 2-year-old Daniel and Justin, but in this chapter, Justin dies while Daniel is only 1. I'm not really sure what to do about this because I want to follow the timeline of the story, but I've already written that chapter. Eventually, I may go back and change it, but for now, it's just going to be off since at the time "Found Not Lost" was written, Justin was still alive.
Q: Quiet
*Jay loves to hear Erin sing under her breath, laugh, or talk about something she loves. But he learns a lot about her when she is quiet. Based on the episode 3x23 "Start Digging".
Erin had a habit of talking when she was nervous, or when she was trying to avoid something. She would go on and on about a random subject, throwing in every little detail she could possibly think of to distract herself from what was really on her mind. Most of the time, Jay let her talk when she wanted to. It was what she didn't say that he heard the loudest. It was when she wouldn't talk about something that he knew that what was on her mind was really getting to her.
She liked to joke around and laugh. She and Jay could go back and forth teasing each other for hours. He loved the sound of her raspy laugh, and it always made him laugh when he was able to make her laugh.
When Erin talked about something she loved, her eyes would light up and her voice would get louder. Her hands would start to fly as she talked and she would get more and more animated. Jay loved to watch. Most of the time, it was when she was passionate about a case, or talking about her nephew Daniel. He couldn't help but wonder if she looked like that when she talked about him to other people.
Erin wasn't really the singing type, but when she was in a really good mood, she would sing under her breath on the way to work. She wasn't always on key, but she wasn't bad either and Jay would just stare out the window and listen.
She wasn't quiet nearly as often as she talked. It wasn't that she would talk endlessly for hours and hours, but Jay could always speak to her and get a response. If she gave him a dry answer or tried to deflect, it almost always had to do with her past. But they were working on it. Erin was opening up to him so much more and he loved every second of it.
When they first got the news that Justin Voight, the man who was practically Erin's younger brother, had been shot in the head, Jay had been expecting Erin to shut down. She didn't deal well with grief, as shown by what happened with Nadia. She spent most of the day in an almost dazed state. He left it alone; he would talk about it with her once they were in private and she could share all of her feelings with him.
Then, they got the news that Justin was brain dead. Jay hadn't heard that conversation, but he knew something was wrong the minute he saw his partner's face. Erin stood at the edge of her desk, her face frozen in a blank stare, her mouth slightly open. He could see that she was struggling.
Jay looked over and saw that Alvin's eyes were also trained on Erin. Both of them were waiting on her to crack, but she never did. He hadn't seen her cry at all today; she had come close when he overheard her begging Voight not to do anything crazy because he's got a grandson now, but he she hadn't actually done it.
The door to Voight's office opened and he walked right past all of their desks. Jay glanced at him, then looked back to Erin. Her eyes were practically glued to the closest thing she had to a father. But Voight didn't even make eye contact with her. He turned, gave them all a quick once over, then went down the stairs and out of the bullpen.
Jay couldn't help but think that it wasn't fair. Voight had been pretty much dodging Erin all day. He wanted nothing more than to pull Erin into his arms and tell her it would be okay, but he knew that she needed Hank more than him right now. He understood that the man was losing his son, but he didn't seem at all concerned with the woman he considered to be his daughter.
Erin sat down in her chair and he watched her focus move to her desk. Right as Jay went to stand and go to her, Mouse called him over. He sighed and went to his friend's desk. The best thing to do right now was to solve this case. That was the only way to end this nightmare.
LINSTEAD LINSTEAD LINSTEAD
"Hey, I'm two minutes out." Erin said as soon as she picked up the phone.
"Bingham's not here. No one's here. Not for a while." Jay told her as he looked around the empty house. Voight had given them this address with strict instructions that the first two to arrive were supposed to breech, but the place was abandoned.
"Is Voight there?"
"Not yet." He waited for her response. "Erin?" he heard the screeching of tires. "Erin?" the call ended.
Jay looked around the room. Antonio, Atwater, and Ruzek looked just as confused as he did. But when he looked at Alvin, he saw a strange look on the older man's face.
"Let's get back to the district." Al told the rest of the team.
"What about Bingham?" Atwater wondered.
"Do you see him?"
"Why would Voight give us the wrong address?" Ruzek asked.
Antonio shook his head. "Do you really need to ask that question?"
The five men returned to their cars and drove back to the station. Jay ignored the sick feeling in his stomach as he imagined what was going down between Voight and Bingham right now. He understood that Justin was Voight's son, but he believed that Bingham deserved to rot in a prison cell.
They pulled back up to the district and went into the garage. Alvin looked at the four younger men. "Well, that's that then."
"How can you just be okay with this?" Antonio demanded.
"It's his son, Antonio." Alvin started to take off his bulletproof vest.
Jay's back was to the garage door, but he saw the headlights shine against the wall in front of him. He didn't bother to turn around as he took off his vest and put down his weapons.
"You okay, Linds?" he heard Ruzek ask.
At that, he turned around. Erin walked into the garage, soaking wet from head to toe. She had a blank look in her eyes as she got closer to them.
"Erin?" Antonio called out.
Jay dropped his vest on the ground and went to her. "Erin, what's wrong? Are you hurt?" he put his hands on her shoulders and looked her over for any obvious injuries. He didn't see any.
Her hair was matted to her face from the rain and from her own tears. Her shoes were covered in mud and his hands were cold just from touching her shoulders. Even if she was alright physically, she was not okay.
Jay quickly got to work with taking off her vest. He let it drop to the ground, then took her gun off of her waist. Antonio was by his side in a second and taking it from his hand.
"Erin, what's going on?" Antonio tried.
Erin's gaze moved from the floor to Antonio's face. She looked at him for a second, then to Jay. She practically collapsed in her boyfriend's arms as she clung to him.
"I've got you, baby. It's okay." He whispered into her hair. He pulled the hat off of her head and let that drop to the floor too. "Let's go to the locker room." Jay leaned down and lifted her up. Ruzek opened up the door and he carried her to the locker room.
Jay set her down on the bench. He untied her boots and took them off her feet. When he saw the mud, he realized that she must have been wherever Hank was.
Next to go was her coat, followed by her t-shirt and jeans. Jay dug through her locker and found a pair of her sweatpants and a sweatshirt of his that she could put on. He helped her get dressed.
"I thought I could get him to stop." Erin's voice was quiet. "I begged him not to…"
"It's okay." Jay told her. He tucked her hair behind her ears and kissed her forehead.
Erin's eyes welled up with tears. "He made him dig his own grave." Jay's stomach clenched at the visual. He pulled Erin into his arms and she immediately clung to him. "Justin…" she couldn't say anything else because she broke out into sobs.
Jay moved to where Erin was sitting on his lap. He held her close to him, but didn't say anything. He knew there was nothing in the world that he could say right now to make her feel better.
He didn't know how long they had sat there in silence, but he was thankful for the rest of the Intelligence Unit for giving them their privacy. After a while, Erin lifted her head up to look at him.
"Will you go to the hospital with me?"
"Of course." Jay kissed the tip of her nose. "Let's get out of here, yeah?"
Erin nodded her head, so they grabbed their stuff and started to stand. As soon as Erin saw her muddy boots, her eyes shut.
Jay leaned down and grabbed them from her hands. He carried them over to the sink and quickly got to work at cleaning them off for her. He knew that it wouldn't get rid of the association with them, but at least she wouldn't see it every time she stared at them.
"I need to go to my apartment first." Erin muttered.
"Okay."
The two of them went up to the bullpen to grab the rest of their things. They both figured that the paperwork could wait until tomorrow, so they completely ignored that. The only one upstairs was Alvin.
"Erin, you call me if you need anything, okay?" he came over and hugged her.
"Have you talked to Hank?" she asked. Alvin shook his head. "I'll see you tomorrow."
Jay guided her out of the district and they got into her car. She took the driver's seat and he wasn't surprised; she needed to be in control of something that happened that night.
They went back to her apartment and took a quick shower together and changed into clean clothes. As Jay finished changing, he glanced into the bathroom to see how close Erin was to being ready.
He saw her standing in front of the sink and staring at herself in the mirror. Her bottom lip was trembling and her eyes were tearing up. He watched as she took a deep breath to compose herself and then turned to come into the room. He acted like he hadn't seen her.
"Ready?"
"Mmhmm."
The drive to Chicago Med was quiet. Jay didn't know Justin very well, so he didn't really have any stories to bring up, and Erin seemed too lost in her own thoughts to talk anyway. They parked the car and went inside.
Jay felt Erin link her hand with his and he already felt a little bit better. She was leaning on him, which was a much bigger improvement from what happened with Nadia. He squeezed her hand and she lead him over to Justin's room.
The first person Jay saw was Olive. She was sitting in a chair outside of the room with her sleeping son in her arms. She stood when she saw them approach.
"Hey." She greeted quietly. Erin hugged her, careful of Daniel. "You guys didn't have to come…"
"We wanted to." Erin told her. Jay saw her focus was drifting between Justin and Olive. "Is Hank here?"
"He was here earlier, but I haven't seen him since. He already said goodbye." Olive shook her head. "I can't believe any of this happened. He was so happy on Daniel's birthday and now he's in a hospital bed…"
"Hey, it's gonna be alright." Erin lead Olive over to the chairs in front of Justin's room. "You know if you ever need anything, you've still got me. We're family."
Olive nodded as tears poured down her cheeks. "Thank you." She looked to Jay. "Thank you for coming, Detective Halstead."
"You can call me Jay." He told her as he sat in the chair next to Erin. He had only met Olive a few times so he didn't know her very well, but he knew that Erin really liked her. "I'm here too if you ever need something. The whole Intelligence Unit is."
"Thank you."
Jay could see the way she was fidgeting as she held her son. Erin must have noticed too. "Do you want me to watch Daniel for a little while? You could go grab a cup of coffee or sit with Justin or do whatever. Just so you could have a little break."
"Would you mind?" Olive passed the baby over to Erin. "I just need a little time to process, you know?"
"Yeah, I know. If you want, I can take him home with me. He can stay the night so you can be here."
"Really?" Olive looked relieved. "I don't want him to have to stay in a hospital."
"Yeah, no problem. I love spending time with my nephew." Erin kissed his forehead.
"Okay. I'm gonna go grab his car seat from my car and he's got a couple changes of clothes in there. I'll be right back." Olive excused herself.
Jay could tell even without Erin saying it that she was trying to be useful. She wanted to help Olive, but she also wanted to distract herself.
Erin stood up. "Will you go in with me?"
"Yeah." Jay followed her into the room. Her pace slowed as soon as she entered the door.
Erin had Daniel in her arms and he was held close to her chest. Jay noticed her grip on the baby unconsciously tighten.
"You want me to take him?" he offered.
"Mmhmm." Erin gave him the baby and it took Jay a second to adjust him in his arms. She went over and sat in the chair next to Justin's bed.
Jay stood back near the door and watched his girlfriend. He could see that she was struggling to keep it together. This was the first time she had seen him with all of the tubes and wires and Jay imagined it was a little overwhelming; he was overwhelmed and he hadn't grown up with the boy since he was a teenager.
"Hey Justin." She said, reaching out and running the back of her hand down his cheek gently. "We both know I'm probably gonna cry so don't make fun of me, okay?" She held his hand. "God, I don't even know what to say. This isn't supposed to happen. You are way too young to be laying in this hospital bed. I never imagined that I would have to say goodbye to you, but you got hurt helping someone, which doesn't surprise me at all.
"I'll never forget when I was sixteen and you learned that I never knew how to ride a bike. You thought that it was a basic thing that everyone should know, but my parents had never cared enough to teach me. So you made me go outside and we rode your bike up and down the street for hours. I fell so many times and I was so scraped up that your mom came out and yelled at you to stop, but you told her that I needed to know how to ride a bike because what if I had a kid one day and they needed to know. I promise you that I'll teach Daniel how to ride his bike, okay? I'll be there for him, and for Olive, and for your dad. I'll watch out for all of them and take care of them, just like you would have. Just like you've always taken care of me."
Jay heard Erin's voice start to get shakier and he knew that she was going to cry. He watched as she stood up and kissed Justin's forehead.
"You were the best little brother I ever could have asked for. You could have given me such a hard time when I came to live with you guys, but you just accepted me as your sister. You didn't even hesitate to consider me a part of your family, no matter how difficult I was in the beginning." She squeezed his hand. "I love you so much, Justin. Say hi to your mom for me, okay?"
Erin stood from her chair. She kissed Justin's cheek and leaned down to hug him one last time. She stepped away from him and made eye contact with Jay, who knew what she was trying to silently tell him. He walked out of the room and she followed.
Erin sat down in the chair outside of his room again and held her head in her hands. Jay sat next to her. He held Daniel in his right arm and rubbed Erin's back with his left hand. He could feel just how tense she was.
"Here's his stuff." Olive came over and set down Daniel's car seat and diaper bag. "Did you go inside?"
"Mmhmm." Erin answered.
Olive went over and hugged her. "He loved you so much, you know. He always talked about how Daniel was so lucky to have you as his aunt, and how he hoped that one day, we would have a little girl that would be just like her Aunt Erin." Realization seemed to dawn on Olive that she and Justin would never have another child because she completely broke down after that.
Jay let Erin and Olive hug and talk and comfort each other while he took care of Daniel so they didn't have to. He knew that this was a rough time and they needed to help each other heal. He just wondered where Voight was.
"I'm gonna take him in to say goodbye." Olive stated. She took Daniel from Jay's arms and brought him into Justin's room. The two detectives watched as she placed her son on his father's chest, then sat back down to give the tiny family some privacy.
"Are you alright?" Jay asked.
Erin leaned over so she could rest her head on Jay's shoulder. "I just want to sleep."
"We can once we get home, okay? It's almost time."
"I can't believe he's gone."
They sat in silence until Olive came back out a little while later. She buckled her son into his car seat. "Thank you guys so much for taking him. I just don't want him here when the machines get taken out."
"It's no problem. Anything for family." Jay told her. He reached down and grabbed the car seat. "You ready to go, Erin?"
She walked into the room again and leaned down to kiss Justin's forehead. "I love you, Justin." She hugged Olive, making her promise to call if she needed anything, then grabbed Daniel's diaper bag. The three of them exited the hospital.
Jay drove home in silence, knowing that Erin probably had a lot on her mind right now. He was surprised that she spoke.
"He never came."
It didn't take rocket science for him to figure out that she meant Voight. "Maybe he went to get some sleep first."
"He'll never forgive himself if he misses them taking him off life support."
"Olive said that he already said goodbye."
"What if he got arrested?"
"Someone would have called us." Jay grabbed her hand. "Calm down, okay? He's just dealing with this in his own way. He'll come around."
They got to the apartment a couple minutes later and went inside. Jay glanced at the clock and saw that it was already after 3am. He was glad that Daniel slept through the night because he wasn't sure he or Erin could handle getting up in a couple hours.
Erin unbuckled Daniel from his car seat and got him settled into the pack n play that they kept at the apartment for when he would come over. Luckily, the little boy stayed asleep. Jay watched her climb into bed and almost immediately pass out from exhaustion.
He knew that this road was far from over. He knew that Erin had witnessed the man she considers her father basically murder someone tonight, and that her surrogate brother would be dead by the time they woke up. But he also knew that she was strong enough to handle this.
Up Next…R: Rain